Ackley Bridge (2017) s02e03 Episode Script

1 I think we've got a problem with Razia.
- Have you heard of dyspraxia? - My dad's leading a double life.
He's got a wife, he's got kids I should have spoken to you before.
I've come up with an idea, a play.
OK.
Every year group.
You got this for me? You're way too classy to be weeing in a bucket.
I want to know about you and that PE teacher! You and Will? No-one's ever bought you flowers before? You leave that Mr Hyatt to me.
THEY SHRIEK - Oh, eww, that's so gross! - I tell you, it's alive! - It's alive! - Come back! - You're being ridiculous! - What's going on here? - They're minging! - And they're haram.
What are you talking about, they're haram? - There are guidelines for this.
- What guidelines? Regarding Pakistani heritage kids.
Well, I'm a Pakistani heritage science teacher, and I believe that dissection is an integral part of teaching.
Thought they only chopped stuff up in school in the olden days, sir.
Exactly, Amin, and that's how lucky you are to have an "olden days" teacher like me.
Come on, back inside, everyone, come on! I mean, where would proctology be if back in the day, someone didn't take a scalpel to a bottom and have a good old shufti? - Zain, if you do that one more time - Hey, mister! I want a word with you! - Be careful, sir, she's got her fatwa face on.
- SHE SHUSHES Classroom, now! Not you, I want to speak to you.
Yes? You think I don't know my own daughter, eh? - That I don't see anything? - I didn't say that.
- Ah, you think you can help, huh? - Yes! Oh, what are you, an expert? Look, I'll show you what problems Razia has, and then, I'll show you how we're going to fix them! Oh, will you? EXAGGERATED ACCENT: Yes I will.
HE EXHALES Mum, move! I'll bloody move you in a minute, gobby! Oh, it's the best bit! It's bloody rubbish, all the same.
Bollywood, eh? What's wrong with bit of romance? It's lovely.
Make you all gaga, this film.
It's not true to life.
Try singing about gas bills and husbands running off to other wives! DRUMS PLAYING DRUMS CONTINUE Morning! This is for you.
- CYMBALS CLASHING - One, two, three, four One, two, three, four! That's it, that's it! KNOCKS ON DOOR Erm they're a friend's.
He's given up.
I explained your circumstances.
I don't need your charity, OK? I'm just trying to help.
You really think this helps? - The drum? - Well dyspraxia's not fatal.
She can improve, and she can live with it.
Look.
You see how she's moving her hands and her foot at the same time? That's what she needs, coordination.
SHE SIGHS I should have seen this, though.
You know, she's my daughter, that's what I tell you.
- I'm sorry I shouted.
- HE CHUCKLES You feel free to let rip at a moment's notice, - if it makes you feel any better, all right? - THEY CHUCKLE You don't want to bottle it all up.
Right, well - I'd better let you get back to - Oh, no, you have to stay and eat! I've made lots of food.
I always make too many kebabs.
THEY LAUGH So then, I'm walking home THEY LAUGH INDISTINCT CHATTER LAUGHTER DOOR OPENS THEY LAUGH Oh, Hayley! Do you want a cup of tea? What's he doing in here? Hayley, don't be so rude! It's only Aaron.
Aaron, take no notice! - Got all the house already, has he? - What's it to you? The moment a bloke comes sniffing round here, they've got their feet under the table before we know it! Hey! What is your problem?! That's my boyfriend you're talking about! - It's all right, Missy, just leave it.
- Boyfriend? He'll be gone, once he's got what he wants! And knowing you, you've probably given him that already! Missy! SHE SCOFFS I can't be with you no more.
It's over.
Just leave me alone.
Hey, aren't you supposed to be in class? SHE SNIFFLES Are you OK? Yeah.
No, obviously.
Look, I've been trained to deal with situations like this.
But, if you want, I can forget that and we can just talk.
I've been dumped.
Hey.
- Give yourself some time - I mean, I don't understand, - we were getting on so well, and - I know, I know.
It's the worst.
It's the worst.
Remember what I said, if you need to talk Bit of diversity wouldn't go amiss.
Where are all the Asian kids? It's just the first auditions.
"Midsummer's White Dream".
It's not gonna cut it.
- Naveed, in't it? - Yeah.
Are you trying out for the team? Yeah, sir.
All right, well, good! Good.
Good lad.
All right, come on, lads.
Out the door.
Chop, chop! Hey.
Hey.
- Where's Jordan? - Complicated.
Well, are things any better at home, with your dad and that? Guess there's just no fixing some things.
You've played before, right? I've been observing closely.
Come on, then.
Kaneez.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs Paracha.
Kaneez is OK.
Erm, Kaneez, you have my heart.
It's true.
No, I can't! Shoved it behind the oven chips and the sprouts.
What? There's a very large cow's heart in your deep freeze.
Oh No.
Oh.
No, no oh.
God, no Oh, no, no! I mean yes well, yes, please.
I mean, no, no what did you what did you think I meant? Oh, nothing.
No, no, no, no, wait.
Wait, w-w-w-wait.
Wait.
Erm, I think I know what you thought I meant.
But then I said something else and you realised I didn't say what you thought I meant.
But now I'm saying, why can't it mean what you thought I meant, initially again, that is.
- No.
- I realise this is uncharted territory for a Pakistani woman, vis-a-vis you, and possibly any other man other than your husband.
But would you at all be interested in coming to see a concert with me? This weekend? Erm Are you asking me to come out with you in the night-time? Yes.
Well, I look much better after dark.
I'd put your name on the door.
Special guest.
And I'd be there from nine o'clock.
Is that a yes or a no? RADIO HOST: For those who've just tuned in, welcome to the show.
Sit down, put up your feet, have a glass of wine and enjoy the music.
MUSIC: You're Gonna Love My Baby by Barbara McNair To be there when he needs you Go on where he leads you I was a fool to hurt him So wrong to just desert him Life's not the same without him Something warm about him You're gonna love my baby You're gonna love my baby And I'm so sad that I could die I still love him So, the reason we've called you in here is because we want you all involved in the school play.
I was in that Nativity play in Infant, sir.
You know one of those kings, bro.
- The brown one at the back.
- I was the brown one at the back, as well, bro! - Me, too! - Me three! Me four! HE SINGS DRAMATICALLY You lot shouldn't be doing this.
It's Ackley's Got Talent, not Ackley's Got Mullahs! - THEY LAUGH - This isn't our culture.
What you talking about? You don't think they sing and dance in Pakistan? - Well, I think that - Well, that's your problem, isn't it? - You see, you don't think, do you? - Oh, no, that's great.
Thank you, Mr Qureshi, thank you.
And first of all, I'd like to thank you all for coming.
And I think it's important that we address any concerns you might have.
What has a white play about Greeks and fairies got to do with us? - Miss, I'm sure Greeks are brown.
- THEY LAUGH Shakespeare goes beyond race and colour.
His themes are universal.
Love and hate, good and evil.
Corruption, honour, dishonour, revenge - Sounds like Pakistan, Miss.
- THEY LAUGH Or England, or America, or anywhere! And that's why his plays are still performed today.
But people are going to talk about us.
Well, unfortunately, with Ackley Bridge, - we're under a microscope.
- They'll be able to see your willy, Zain! - Your what? - THEY LAUGH - Oh, shut up! - There are lots of people out there, white and Asian, who'd like to see us closed down.
They'll look for any little excuse to criticise.
And by disrespecting our culture, you're giving them one.
All I'm asking you to do is participate.
In whatever way you feel comfortable with.
And I understand your concerns, Alya, and - I know - You don't know! You don't know anything about us! You don't even know what your daughter's getting up to.
ALL: Ooh! I beg your pardon? Why don't you ask her? Better still, - ask Mr Simpson.
- ALL: Ohh! Mr Simpson? INDISTINCT CHATTER Hey what was that meeting about? We've lifted the fatwa.
Rushdie's free! - HE LAUGHS - Oi! You're funny, you should audition.
Oh! He's good, isn't he, Miss? Hey, I taught him that! Forget about rugby, show business! Shut up.
OK INDISTINCT CHATTERING You're popular today.
If I tell you something, promise you won't shout? Yeah, I'm really going to shout.
I haven't said owt yet.
It's about that Aaron, in't it? - Why do you have to call him "that Aaron"? - Cos he is "that Aaron", Missy, - and he's here to cause trouble.
- Nas, I really like him! And I think he likes me.
He bought me a bog.
- He what? - He bought me a bog.
Do you have to jump on the first guy - that shows you any sort of attention? - Yeah, she does! Do you not see what he's trying to do? - Get to know me? Start a relationship? - Missy! Do you really ever think about anyone else but yourself? No, she doesn't! Do not let my mum find out about this.
Nas! So, as you can see, we have a rather large heart.
Because cows are enormous.
Oi.
You know I didn't mean owt before.
I were just disappointed about the rugby.
Yeah.
Tell you want, if you audition for that school play I'll do it with you.
- Yeah? - And me.
- Yeah, and me.
- And me.
As long as I'm not the brown one at the back.
THEY LAUGH You've led a disappointing and sexually unfulfilled life.
You what?! Oh, no.
Sorry.
I was reading me own thumb.
Come on! Have you found me Mr Right? I can't see a Mr Anything.
What about me tea leaves? Can you read them? That's got to be better than my palm.
Oh - You don't want to know.
- Oh, stop it! - Come on, Kaneez.
- I'm just here for my driving lesson.
Don't be a killjoy.
Have it.
Look at this what a beauty! - Solid, dependable lines.
- Ugh.
They're just cracked from washing-up liquid, innit? Let me think.
Ooh, yes.
There's something on the horizon.
Oh! A tall, dark stranger.
They're all tall, dark and bloody strange where I'm from, Lorraine.
Hang on, Lorraine, that's not fair! What about me? What's she going to do wi' a man? You got your plates? Come on.
I know what I'd do with a man! DOOR SLAMS What do you mean when you say love wasted on me? - What you on about? - This! This! Tall, dark and strange! - Why love wasted on me? - LAUGHING: It were a joke - I didn't mean anything by it.
- But what made you say that to me? Huh? What is it that I do that make you think this about me? Oh, Kaneez.
I I - Well, I didn't think that - You don't think that maybe I want this? That it's not possible for someone like me? Well, no, you're Pakistani, you you don't date.
- I I just thought - No, no.
You're right, I don't date.
And it's too late for me now.
And who asked me, anyway, huh? I'm just a Pakistani dinner lady, aren't I? Kaneez! DOOR SLAMS - I'm not going.
- Come on.
Mrs Paracha.
- This is Aaron - No.
Right, I told you it was a bad idea.
I'm sorry to have bothered you.
- Come on.
- Why? - Not, now, Missy.
- I really want you to meet him.
He nothing to me! He don't belong here, near my house, my family, me! What do you want here? Huh? Who sent you here? Your mother, huh? That gundy bitch, she's taken enough from our family already! - What more she want now? - Nothing! - It's not his fault! - Whose fault, huh? My fault? Oh, maybe you're right maybe my fault that men do and say anything they like to me.
And no more! Do you understand? No more! How did you find us? What do you want? Keep your son away from our house! - I didn't send him! - Liar.
Why would I? What do I want from you? SHE SCOFFS You already have it.
I'm not the other woman here.
You are.
I pretend it's not happening.
Even though, with Iqbal, it wasn't I don't know what it was.
Waste of bloody years.
What do you want me to say? I don't know what I'm supposed to say.
When he was with you, I was the other woman.
Rest of the time, you alone like me.
Yeah.
The difference is that I love him, and I always have.
Don't know what that is.
I look at these photos of you and him he never looked like that with me.
All my life I've had "Come here! Go there! Don't ask questions.
" So much time wasted.
I don't bloody care any more! Have him.
I don't care what people think of me.
I don't have to listen to nobody.
It's all about me now, what I want.
You love him? Good.
I'm happy for you.
I mean it.
Sorry he was away from you for so long.
I know how hard that must have been for you.
But that was your choice.
No-one asked me what I wanted.
My life was taken from me.
But now I'm going to take it back.
CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYS Oh, no! Need some help? Ever get the feeling you're being watched? At least they've got something to look at now.
- Look, Mrs - Paracha.
Look, none of this has got 'owt to do with Missy, OK? I promise.
She loves you never stops talking about you, to be honest.
Look, it were that important to her that we met.
And I know yous lot don't want me round here, I get it.
And hey, I might not like what my mum and dad did, but I can't hate 'em, can I? Anyway I'm not here for them.
I'm here for Missy now.
No-one else.
Do you really think I suit it? Yeah, you look good.
THEY GIGGLE - She's out.
- Yeah, I've, erm, come to see you.
You wouldn't be the first one to have messed her about, you know.
I don't know what you think it is I'm gonna do.
- Do you really care about her? - Yeah! Then leave her alone.
If that lad don't come back, it's not being stuck with me you should be worried about, luv.
As-salaam-alaikum! What can I get you? Have you got Vimto? Coke? Oh, yeah - £3.
- £3? Ya know when that shark bites with his teeth, babe Scarlet billows start to spread Fancy gloves, oh, wears old MacHeath, babe So there's never, never a trace of red Now Jenny Diver Oh, Sukey Tawdry Yeah, Miss Lotte Lenya and old Lucy Brown Oh, that line forms on the right, babe Now that Macky's back in town.
- Leaving without saying hello? - Hello.
Well, fancy meeting you here? Do you come to this place often? "Of all the gin joints, in all the world, she walks into mine!" Huh? I'm attempting, er, rather poorly, I might add, to put you at your ease.
Pretend like we do this on a regular basis.
But if I'm completely honest my legs are shaking.
Why? I don't know! It's a totally new phenomenon.
Not unpleasant, but disconcerting none the less.
Do you mind if we, if we sit down? So what do you think of our VIP area? Very Important Pakistani! It was a joke.
Or not, depending on if you actually are a very important Pakistani, like, er - Prince Naseem? - Prince Naseem.
- Zayn Malik.
- Exactly.
- Malala! - You're very good at this.
- General Zia-ul-Haq! - General Oh, sorry.
We don't have to play VIP Pakistanis.
Yes - Imran Khan! - Imran Khan! Oh, sorry.
That was the last one, I promise.
I don't know why I'm laughing! I don't know what I'm bloody doing here! If my kids could see me Or anyone who know me, if they could see me, I tell you I mean, look at me.
In cocktail dress that cost bloody bomb! And with you! A man! With all these people drinking and dancing, oh, it's, it's It's absolutely lovely, Kaneez.
And normal.
Totally normal.
I think I should go now.
Oh, you are very good.
I was dead impressed, really.
And I have had a lovely night, - but I should go.
- SHE GASPS I want you to stay.
It feels right, you here.
I mean, you can go if you like, but I really, really want you to stay.
Benazir Bhutto! All of me Why not take all of me? Can't you see I'm no good without you? Take my lips I want to lose them Take my arms I'll never use them You took the part that once was my heart So why not take all of Why not take all of Why not take all of me? APPLAUSE You, er, are you sure this is close enough? Yes.
Thank you.
Rashid! Rashid! RASHID! You said you were hungry.
- Oh - Milk and sugar? Why you ask me to come tonight? Oh! Er I was going to do the cake, sandwich thing before I got to my purpose for this evening.
- Sorry.
- No, no, no, don't, don't be.
I'm not.
I still can't believe you came.
I never do nothing like this before.
I keep surprising myself, eh, na? Is like I'm watching somebody else doing it.
It don't make bloody sense, I know.
It does if If you're enjoying it.
You know, sometimes I feel like I'm I'm somewhere I don't want to be yet.
Not yet! But I have to be, eh, na? It's different, in here.
I think I think you are intelligent and funny and scathing which I very much admire in a woman.
I'd like to add kind and welcoming, but you need to do a bit more work on that.
Such a beautiful smile.
And your eyes Well, you've got two, which is a big plus.
And every morning I see them and they They light me up inside.
I think this is the moment in the Bollywood films that we cut to the moon and the stars.
I felt your heart So close to mine And I knew our joy - Are you all right, Mam? - Oh, yeah.
You've been gone ages.
I know, but I'm back now.
Go to sleep.
Make-up, jewellery.
No? Make-up, jewel Hat! What the bloody hell do you think you're playing at? - What? - You know exactly what I'm talking about, you pathetic little creep.
You and Chloe! Are you kidding? Where've you heard that? You were seen! - Bloody Alya Nawaz saw you! - No.
Chloe was upset I was just, - I was just trying to help.
- (SHE SCOFFS) That's how it starts.
How dare you! Suggest that I had anything other than good intentions towards Chloe! Have you spoken to her? - No.
- No.
Of course you haven't.
She was dumped by Jordan Wilson.
Right? 'Course you ignored her and made it all about yourself! - Don't change the subject! - Oh, I'm not, it's your favourite, Emma Keane! Don't you see? I thought if I could help Chloe be a friend.
You might see me differently? I'm just trying to make you to take me seriously! Stop it! I thought we had something.
Oh, Will - No, just not now.
- Why? I'm in love with you! It was a one-night stand.
I'm sorry if you felt it was something more but it wasn't.
Does anyone mean anything to you? Er, hi.
Is is Mrs Paracha, here? No, no, no, love.
Right, thanks.
Hiya, Miss Keane.
SHE GASPS Oh You did it! Oh, come on, what you talking about? They did it for you.
Now, that's what I'm talking about.
Excellent work, Miss Keane.
Yeah, well done, Emma.
Thanks for coming.
Do you want a cup of tea? I'm having one.
Erm - the tea bags are above the hob.
- Oh, aye, right.
Sugar? Tell you what, why don't, why don't you go and sit down and I'll make it? Sugar's in here.
Don't be too hard on our Hayley.
She don't mean 'owt by it.
She's not had much care from me.
It's always been our Missy lookin' out for her, you know? Doing what mothers do.
- So she's not much faith in me.
- Hey, come on.
Hey, I don't believe that.
No, love, you don't have to say.
I know what I am.
She don't trust me.
That's me own fault.
But I just want you to know she she in't a bad kid.
Missy told me what they'd been through.
I'd have bottled it.
Stuck together, they did.
Yeah, and that's why I don't want to get between them.
I just I'm not going to come back.
Aaron! But, - what about our Missy? - Honest, I don't want to it's, erm She cares about her too much and I really care about her, so it's the right thing to do.
I'm sorry.
Aaron! Is there Is there any kissing in this play? I don't think so.
Would you be able to kiss a girl? You know, like, in front of your parents? The story's meant to be a dream.
Do weird things, things that they wouldn't dream of doing.
Then they just forget about it.
Yeah.
Fancy a bit of that myself sometimes.
You know when I was young in Pakistan, we used to go to wash in the stream.
And then after, we would we would all get in a line and Nana would comb my hair.
And then my cousin Saria would sit in front of me and I would comb her hair and then Auntie Fatima, she would comb Nana's hair.
(SHE CHUCKLES) All in line.
A lot of hair.
DOOR BELL RINGS It's Razia, isn't it? How do you know? Your dad lives with me.
He's not in, do you want to come in and wait? No offence but no.
We've just come to see your Aaron.
You know, - me brother.
- It's personal.
- Aaron! - Yeah.
Someone here to see you.
Hayley.
Razia Bibi Paracha, I'm your sister.
I'll tell your dad I saw you.
Tell him I'm dyspraxic.
Erm, so what can I do for you? Sorry.
You can come back.
Yeah? Yeah.
Hm! Didn't sound very welcoming, that, did it? - No, right moody.
- Yeah.
- Me and Missy, right - Look, I know.
I know, I know it's you and Missy against the world.
I get it.
I mean, you don't even know who I am.
Why should you trust me? It's not that.
It's just if you and Missy went off.
Look, you said you've been through a lot together.
- We have.
- It's all right.
That's why you'll always come first with her, OK? Not me.
She loves you too much.
That's why I like her.
Why is break-up sex always the best? I didn't know we were doing break-up sex.
- I thought we'd decided - No, no, I didn't agree to that.
Well, I definitely remember saying before we started, that we weren't going to do break-up sex.
Look, I had it in me diary and everything "Get Asian kids for Emma's play, don't do break-up sex".
SHE GIGGLES We've been doing break-up sex for weeks.
How do we stop this? Do you want to? I can't leave her.
That's not what I asked.
HONKING Do you want a lift or what? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too.
Well, what you waiting for? Thank God for that, I thought it were going to be dead awkward! Are we OK? Yeah.
Yeah, I guess I was just a bit fussy about who my brother went out with.
I'll see you in school.
"But I know when thou hast stolen away from fairy land, and in the shape of Corin sat all day".
I didn't mean to upset you, the other day.
- I just weren't thinking.
- You done nothing wrong, putri.
- That boy - Aaron.
he can't be blame for what happen to me.
Eh? You like him? - He's all right.
- All right? Least he doesn't look like his bloody father - Thanks God! - THEY LAUGH Bring him for tea tonight.
Tell your mam and Hayley.
Have I done something to upset you? WHISPERS: Please go, before anybody see me! Why do Why do you keep avoiding me? What's wrong? I don't understand.
I can't! Don't you see? No, I don't! - Is it me? - No, no, nothing wrong with you.
- What then? - It's me.
I'm a confused, na? So much happening to me.
I just need to stand still for a bit.
Just need to be me again.
Kaneez! Sir! Riz, Lysander; Nasreen, Hermia; Dan, Demetrius; Hayley, Helena; Missy, Titania; Cory, Bottom; Naveed, Puck; Razia, drums in the band.
And, Alya, Assistant Director.
- I didn't put my name down.
- Your dad did.
It's the perfect job for you to keep an eye on our morals, Alya.
Think how good it'll look on your UCAS form.
What about me, bro? Erm, brown king at the back again bro! LAUGHTER "If we shadows have offended Think but this and all is mended That but you have slumbered here whilst these visions did appear And this weak and idle theme No more yielding than a dream.
" MUSIC: All of Me By Billie Holiday All of me Why not take all of me? Can't you see I'm no good without you? Baby Take all of me!