Are We There Yet? (2010) s02e03 Episode Script

Good morning babe.
Good morning.
You like Jamaican food, right? I love my food, like I like my women.
Hot, spicy, exotic, watch out [Laughs.]
-Ah, woman.
-What? I'm assuming you meant to say "woman" as a singular 'cousing you like me, because I'm hot, spicy, and exotic.
To me, you're a trip to Caribbean.
Nice save.
What's your making? - I'm thinking jerk chicken.
- [In bad Jamaican accent.]
Ooh, "Jamaican" me hungry, girl.
- Whoo, that was bad.
- Yeah, I don't have an ear for it.
There's no bald Jamaicans.
Oh, by the way, my new field producer, Sam, is coming by.
We're gonna cut a package.
- Okay, well, maybe I'll try out my plantain recipe on you guys.
- No, no, you save that for me.
I don't know this dude.
I don't want him eating your food.
Look, I got to find out if we get along before we start granting him [Indistinct.]
, you know! - Quit.
- Come again! - [Laughs.]
Stop.
- Watch me now.
- That's enough, shaggy.
- No, no, no, no, no.
I had a good time last night.
No, really; I did.
I cannot wait to do it again.
Okay.
All right.
I'll talk to you later.
Bye-bye.
- Who are you lying to? - Who says I'm lying? - Oh, no, I've spoken to you when you've had a good time with someone, and that is not how you sound.
You squeal.
- I do not squeal.
- Okay, yes, you do.
Remember the guy What was his The Argentinean guy, what was his name? - [High-pitched squeal.]
Esteban! - I rest my case.
So what happened? - Well, his name is Fender.
- Is his last name bender? - No, his last name is not bender.
And he has kids.
- Who has kids? - Fender.
- Bender.
- Okay, where's the mother? - Well, they're divorced.
- She left her kids with Fender? - Bender.
- No, they're his kids; He adopted.
And it turns out she was, in his words, an "unrepentant party girl.
" So no problemo there.
- Okay, so back to Fender - Bender.
- I thought rule number one on Gigi's do not date list was, "no kids.
" - No, that's rule number two.
- What's rule number one? - "You can't be broke.
" Which he's not.
So much so, I'm breaking rule number two.
- Well, you know if you don't get along with the kids, that is a deal breaker.
Trust me.
I know.
I'm out of here, baby.
I love you.
- Bye.
- Come on, Kev.
Get your stuff.
- Okay.
Bye, mom.
Bye, Gigi.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- All right, zee, I'm having a problem with this man.
- Oh, you having a problem with a man? Shocking.
- [Laughs.]
Whatever.
Okay, well, this week, I'm going out with his kids to see if we get along.
Then we move on to phase two.
- Which is? - A weekend in his villa in Aspen! - Well, I don't know what you're worried about.
You know how to talk to kids.
You talk to mine all the time.
- Well, last night, we went out to dinner, and the kids completely ignored me.
The girl was so busy testing all the time, and the boy was glued to some stupid video game.
- Ah, sounds like a couple of the kids I know.
- That's it.
- What? - I need to borrow your kids.
- Oh, let me pack a bag, and you can keep 'em.
- Are we there yet? tell me, tell me, tell me - tell me, are we there yet? Sync & correct by dr.
jackson - what ya doin'? - Tweeting.
- Oh, tweeting.
Alicia tweets all the time.
I wanna tweet.
- Who's Alicia? - The daughter of the guy I'm dating.
I really need to get to know her.
There's a villa at stake.
- Do you have a Twitter account? - Oh, yeah, I have a bunch of 'em, but I never use 'em.
- What? Why? - Because they said on Twitter in order to create a message, you need 140 characters.
Now, I came up with a lot A vampire, French businessman, a dragon But that's a lot of characters.
- I think I can help you.
Are you gonna be here when I get home from school? - I can if you want me to.
[Doorbell rings.]
- Okay.
- Good.
- Hello.
- Hi, I'm Sam.
Sam garnet? I work with Nick.
- Oh, hi, Sam.
Come on in.
- Thank you.
- Uh - I'm Suzanne.
I'm Nick's wife.
- Oh, nice to meet you, Susan.
- Actually, it's Suzanne with a "z.
" - Got it.
"Z.
" - Wow.
- Hey.
- Sam? - All day.
- Hi, I'm Nick.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.
- Wow, okay.
- So is Sam short for something? - I could tell you, but I might have to kill you.
- Oh, non, please don't Don't kill him, because then I have to kill you, and, you know, we've got kids.
Can't really afford to go into hiding.
They have to go to school, and I have to go to work.
- Deal.
No killing.
Well, you ready? - Yeah, I got everything set up.
It's right this way.
- Great.
Nice to meet you, Susan.
- Oh, it's Suzanne, with a "z.
" - Got it.
"Z.
" Sorry.
- Thank you, darling.
- All right, honey.
I'll see you later, okay? - Okay.
Love you, baby.
- Love you too.
- Y'all is so cute.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Who is that? - That is Nick's field producer, Sam.
- Mmm-Hmm.
Well, it look like Sam is about to get looked up on the Internet.
- And send.
[Squeals.]
Now, see, that makes all the difference in the world.
Why didn't they just say "140 letters?" - You just made your first official tweet.
- I'm tweeting.
Now what? - You tweet her; She tweets you; you tweet her; She tweets you; - nuh-uh.
How long does this go on? - Hours, days.
- Okay, that's too long.
Um, I got an idea.
Lindsey, you already know how to do all this stuff.
Why don't you just pretend to be me? You know, all you got to do is make Alicia think I'm great, and if any rich man tweets me, let me know.
- And you think that's right? - No, but 50 bucks thinks it's a great idea.
- Consider me you.
- Mmm.
- Where's the $50? - Oh, you know, I'm gonna get you later.
All right? Okay, tweet, tweet! - Okay.
- The middle of puget sound is not where you would expect to find an 85-year-old man swimming, but this man is different.
He's training for a swim across the English Channel.
- Okay, wow, that was really great.
- I think we could put this piece to bed.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
No, Sam.
Look, we are not turning that in.
You are not getting me fired.
I see you, girl.
- Don't worry.
We're good.
You hit the number.
All I have to do is lay the track in.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
I didn't realize you guys were still working.
- Yeah, we took longer than expected.
We're done.
- Mmm-Hmm.
- Oh, well, I'm on my way to the store to pick up my ingredients.
- Oh? Beautiful, and she can cook? - With and without the skillet.
- See, I just don't have the patience.
Hey, restaurants were made for a reason.
For real.
Well, I'm headed back to the studio, okay? So I'll see you later.
- Hey, Sam, thank you for everything.
- No, thank you, okay? And don't worry.
All right? - All right.
Okay.
- You'll do good.
Okay.
It was nice to meet you, Suzanne With a "z.
" Okay, guys.
Bye.
- Take care.
- What was that all about? - What? - She ate one of your French fries.
Don't you think that's a little too familiar? - Too familiar? - Yes.
With you.
And she did it right in front of me.
- Wait, she ate a French fry.
It's not like she tongue-kissed me.
- Oh, but she wanted to.
- Look, Suzanne, "a," that's ridiculous.
"B," I love you.
"C," I get it.
She will never eat my food again.
- Okay.
But if I see her do it again, somebody's gonna end up on the news.
- [Squeals loudly.]
You know how I do Wait, wait, what? Over - Gigi.
- [Squeals loudly.]
Okay, back, back, back, back, back, back! - Gigi! - What? Sorry, I just got wrapped up in this game.
Okay, this is Fender's kids' favorite game.
Kevin showed me a website where I could learn how to play, and I'm playing, and I almost destroyed the castle.
- Do you mind if we talk about real life for a second? - Okay.
What's wrong? - You remember Sam, right? - Samuela Patricia Garnet, born 11/15/75.
- A scorpio? - Scorpio.
- Ooh, I should have known.
- Samuela graduated with a b.
A.
In communications from Trenton state, she's been married once to a Lawrence garnet, they're divorced, she has no kids, and the rest is in a file on your desktop labeled "skank.
" - Skank? - Skank.
- I like that.
- What'd she do? - [Sighs.]
She and Nick were eating lunch yesterday, and she reached over - Reached over? - And grabbed one of his fries.
- Grabbed one of his fries? - Yes.
- Right in front of your face? - Didn't think about trying to hide it.
- If you need it And I'm not saying I know how to get it But if you did, and you asked me, I might be in touch with some people who know how to make things look like an accident.
- You are? - I'm not saying I am But I might be.
- Okay, well, I don't think there's any need to start planning accidents just yet.
- She grabbed the fry! - Grabbed the fry.
- Right in front of your face.
- In my face.
- That's too familiar.
That's what I said.
- What'd Nick say? - "Too familiar? You're being ridiculous.
" - Hmm.
You eat a man's fry, that's a metaphor.
You do it in front of his wife, that's war, and you need to shut that down.
- Well, Nick said he understood and he promised me that it wouldn't happen again.
- Well, if you need to stage a mishap, you let me know.
- Can I pillage this village? You got five minutes.
- [Squeals, giggles.]
You okay? You sure? All right.
Oh, Sookie, Sookie.
Move it.
Move it.
- Gigi! You ready to play? - Yes, sensei.
- You really didn't have to get dressed up for the game.
- Too much? - A little.
- Okay.
- Here's your sword.
Now, all you have to do is pick your avatar, and we can get started.
- What, now? - Pick the person you want to play for you.
- I know.
I know how to play.
I'm cool.
[Laughs.]
Okay, come on.
Let's see.
Oh, she looks good and quick on her feet, and I love her outfit.
- Okay, then pick her.
- Oh, no, no, no, because, see, I like his shield.
- Oh, his shield.
- Yeah, and then Oh No, see Those shoes aren't good.
Oh No.
Okay, okay, okay.
I'm gonna pick samurai Sally.
- Um, samurai Sally? - Samurai Sally.
She's cute.
- Hey, Gigi.
- Hey.
- Alicia's really pumping you up.
- She likes you.
I can tell.
- Let me see.
Great! Thank you, Lindsey.
Now, who are these little boys following me? - I don't know, but they think you're cool.
- Well, they have good taste.
- Hold on, hold on.
I'm gonna make her waist a little bit smaller.
Perfect.
That was fun! Okay, let's play that again.
- Gigi, that wasn't the game.
- No? - No.
- This is the game.
- Oh! [Exhaling dramatically.]
Fight! - Okay, fight.
- Hey, the piece came out really good.
- Cool.
- You know, you're pretty new to this.
I mean, are you liking it so far? - I mean, it's a great opportunity.
You know? Ain't nothing wrong with that.
- I know.
You never want to pass up a great opportunity.
- Sam, you know, I don't want to make things seem awkward, but I'd prefer it if you didn't do that.
Look, I just don't really like people eating off my plate.
- I'm sorry.
My bad.
You know, I ain't mean nothing by it.
You know, I just got a thing for French fries.
Especially the hot brown ones.
- Can we get some more fries over here, please? Waitress? - Hey, honey.
- Where were you? - Me and Sam had to finish up a project.
I'm sorry I'm late.
What's that? - This was your dinner.
- Oh, baby, I did not know you were cooking your meal today.
- Perhaps if you would have called, you would have been informed.
- You're right.
You're right.
I should have called.
But our assignment went into overtime.
I just grabbed a quick bite.
- Wow.
Unbelievable.
Did you enjoy your time with your little girlfriend? - Suzanne.
I work with her.
Look, I should have called, but I didn't think it was a big deal.
- Before, she was eating off your plate.
Now she's got you eating out of the palm of her hands.
Nice.
Enjoy your chicken, jerk.
- Good morning, baby.
- Good morning.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Nick, I want you to know I do trust you.
I shouldn't let this woman get to me.
- Baby, I would never do anything to hurt what we have.
You know that.
- I know.
But just be careful.
I mean, you may be innocent, but she isn't.
Trust me.
- What's that? - Your breakfast.
- Jerk chicken for breakfast? - Well, if you want, I could make French fries.
- I'll take the chicken.
This looks good.
Mmm, that is good.
Man - I put my foot in it, right? - Mmm Sugar, you can share me plantains with me anytime.
- [Laughs.]
That's even worse than the first time.
- Hey, guys.
- Hi.
- Mochaccino with the boss.
Time for work.
Let's go.
- No, Lindsey.
Stop being me.
- But you already have - It doesn't matter.
Fender dumped me.
- What? - Yeah.
He said I was too immature.
No, his exact words were, "any grown woman who spends that much time "tweeting and playing video games is too juvenile for me.
" Go figure.
- Does this mean I have to take my kids back? - Sort of.
'Cause he said he couldn't see me as a partner, but he would like me to babysit when he goes out on dates.
- He has some nerve.
- No, I might do it.
I mean, he is paying well.
[Doorbell rings.]
- I'll get it.
- Thank you.
- This is good.
- Mmm-Hmm.
- You want some? - Yeah.
- Hello? Abdg squared? - Yes? - You are even prettier in person.
- That's true.
But who are you? - I'm Gibson.
I've been following you on Twitter.
I think you're just amazing.
- How did you find me? - GPS tweets.
I'm sorry Fender dumped you.
- How did you hear about Fender? - It's trending.
- Boy, get out of here before I call the police.
[Sniffs.]
I'm trending.
[Giggles.]
- I'm gonna take a few frames off this.
Eh Let me try a little more.
[Lock clicks.]
Oh, okay.
That's coming around good.
I think we got it.
That's it.
- All right, Nick Kingston-persons.
Job well done.
- Thanks, thanks.
- What do you want to do? You want to grab a bite? - Uh, no, not now.
Suzanne will be home in a couple hours.
I think we're gonna go out.
- Well, what do you know? - Suzanne with a "z" is on my turf now.
- Well, I guess so.
But there are plenty of restaurants to go round.
We'll try not to crowd you.
- Nick, before I go, can I ask you something? - Uh, what's that? - Do you find me attractive? - I don't know.
Why don't you back up a few feet and let me take a good look at you? - Wow.
You can't see me from here? 'Cause you're just about all I can see.
- Well, can you see this? Oh - Nick, stop playing.
You know what this is.
- Listen, I'm not playing.
I'm married.
Happily married.
- Nick, I'm not trying to take you.
I just want to borrow you.
All this time we spent out in the field? We can have some real fun.
I'm down if you are.
- I'm not.
Listen, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
- It doesn't have to be here.
We could go to my place.
- Are you crazy? I don't want to go to your place.
- Really? - Really.
- I mean, really? - You heard.
- Damn.
Okay, Mr.
good man.
I'll back off.
Okay.
But offer still stands for a limited time only.
Limited.
[Lock clicks.]
- Guess you were right about Sam.
- Well, honey, I have great instincts.
Give me some.
Both: Mmm, Mmm, Mmm.
- [Laughs.]
- Now, you know, everybody always talks about how men are dogs, but they ain't got nothing on you all.
When a woman decides she wants to do some dirt, all bets are off.
I'm never eating outside the house again.
- Okay, you don't have to take it that far.
But, Nick, what are you gonna do about her? I mean, you still work at the same place.
You want me to go down there? 'Cause I ain't scared of her.
Just 'cause she's bigger than me, that don't mean nothing.
I can still climb up on a chair and pop her right upside the head.
Don't let the light skin fool you.
- Okay, okay, baby.
It's okay.
Here, have a fry.
There you go.
Look, I told her to back off.
I got it handled.
A matter of fact, I'm gonna report her to h.
R.
Tomorrow.
- Really? - You're not worried what the guys down at the station will say about you going to human resources? - No, because I don't have to bail them out for knocking some chick upside her head.
- "Awww," nothing.
Look, I lay next to you every night.
You ain't burning the bed down with me in it.
- [Laughs.]
I mean, like, "awww!" - [Laughs.]