Baby Daddy s02e03 Episode Script

All right, Emma, a tall one for the short one.
I'll put it on your tab.
Best tip I've had all day.
Thanks for bringing her by.
No problem.
Fortunately happy hour is always followed by nappy hour.
I don't know what Emma's gonna do with the rest of her day.
Well, I know what I'm gonna do with the rest of mine.
Hi.
Can I get you something from behind the bar? And, please, notice where I'm standing.
Is there anyone else working here? I get it.
Funny and handsome-- it's an acquired taste.
- What'll you have? - An Okiru with a slice of lime.
And I have no idea what you're talking about.
Let me introduce you to the most popular new soft drink in Japan.
Oh, you're a beverage rep! I should have guessed that when I noticed your backpack was packing a six-pack.
I'm actually the North American brand manager.
So what do you say? You wanna be the first bar in the city to get in on this? I'd say "sure," but around here I don't call the shots.
- I just pour them.
- Later, bud.
I'll call you if she walks, talks or does something disgusting I'd rather not clean up.
Wait.
I know that face.
New York Rangers.
Something Wheeler, right? Danny.
Unless you're talking about the baby.
In which case, no, she was just traded to the Blackhawks.
Oh my God, he would be perfect.
Okiru is looking for an up-and-coming athlete to be its new spokesperson.
You want Danny to be your spokesperson? That would be amazing Not to mention, ka-ching! You want me to talk to him for you? What I want is his manager, not his bartender.
Hey, I can really help.
That guy loves me like a brother.
And in related news, he's also my brother.
Oh! Okay.
You really think you could make this happen? Let me put it like this: You've just found yourself the new face of Okiru or my name isn't Ben Wheeler.
By the way, I'm Ben Wheeler.
It's amazing how the unexpected can take your life and change direction.
Well, if there's one thing I know about, it's volunteering.
I've truly done it all.
And not all of it court-ordered.
Just pick anything.
You can't go wrong.
Okay, what about working at a soup kitchen? What else you got? Uh, reading to the elderly? Boring! It's like regular reading, only slower and louder.
Look, if you're willing to work for free, there is some funk in that shower that just won't quit.
Tucker, I'm doing this because Fitch has inspired me.
I mean he's off digging wells in Africa-- you'd think they'd have enough by now, but.
I just-- I feel like I should do my part too, you know? Oh, what about a candy striper? Oh, I can help sick people.
And how cute is this outfit? I was a candy striper in high school.
Just be careful where you nap.
I almost donated a kidney.
Oooh, a hospital-- cool.
Oh, interesting fact: I'm actually one of the few people in the world who look good in fluorescent lighting.
Right? Everyone stop and remember where you were at this moment: I have amazing news! Jon Bon Jovi's single and he's asking about me.
Even better.
Where's Danny? Danny! - Danny! - Yo, what's going on, man? I, me, Ben, your one and only brother, has just landed you your very first endorsement deal.
You are the new spokesman for Okiru, the hottest new soft drink in the country.
Are you serious? I've wanted to endorse something my entire life.
It's true.
When we were kids, he used to cut out his picture and paste it on cereal boxes.
He still does that.
"Hi, I'm Danny Wheeler.
Drink this because I said so.
" Whoa whoa whoa.
Slow your roll, Meryl Streep.
Danny's first endorsement deal isn't going to be some crappy foreign soda that nobody's heard of.
Mom, this is totally legit.
And I think it could be a really great opportunity for Danny.
And everyone else on team Wheeler.
And when exactly did you join team Wheeler? 'Cause I've been to all the meetings and I've never seen you there.
I'm okay if he joins.
"Drink this.
It's cool.
Just like me-- Danny Wheeler.
" See? He's a natural.
Hey, I've been managing Danny's career since the very beginning.
Stay out of it, Ben.
I don't tell you how to pour drinks and pick up girls.
Mom, come on, you know I don't want to pour drinks forever.
The girl thing, sure.
Yeah.
But you always tell me I need to figure out my future.
Maybe this is it.
I love sports, people, making money.
I was born to be Danny's manager.
You were actually born because the cat ate my birth-control pills.
Look, sweetie, I'm happy that you're thinking about your future, but I don't think Okiru is the answer.
Mom, come on, just talk to them.
You don't even know anything about it.
For one thing it's super fizzy.
Hi! Nurse Dalrymple? Riley Perrin reporting for duty! I just want you to know I am ready to jump in and make a difference.
I was thinking I could start by cheering up some kids.
You know, maybe a cute little girl with a lisp who says something like, "I wuv you, Wiley.
" Or-- Oh oh! Also I aced my C.
P.
R.
test.
- Number one in my class-- - Stop right there.
I really need you to pull back on the perkiness.
It's nauseating! Now, this job is simple.
This is the magazine cart.
You cart it around.
If a patient asks for a magazine Well, if I have to explain this part, you should probably leave now.
Ooh.
Um, do you have anything a little more Important? My boyfriend is kind of the M.
V.
P.
of Do-gooders and I don't want to sound all competitive, but I just don't think magazines are gonna cut it.
How are you at cleaning bedpans? But then again, nothing cheers people up like literature.
Doctor.
Oh-- Doctor.
- What is going on? - Uh, fluorescent lighting, what did I tell you? When I said you could volunteer with me, - I was under the impression that you were here to do good.
- Do good? I'm gonna do great in this thing.
You have got to try one of these on.
Doctor.
Tucker, you can't just steal lab coats.
Or stethoscopes.
Oh no, this is from the gift shop.
What are you doing? You're supposed to be passing out magazines, not flirting with the staff.
Doctor, I apologize.
She's new.
I agree, nurse.
Don't let it happen again.
and I said, "Yes, Officer, that actually is my Zamboni.
" You very very funny.
Things seem to be going well.
Yeah, I knew as soon as she sat down and heard the details, she'd see I was right all along.
Okay Well? Huh? Was I right or was I right? Here's a shocker: You were wrong.
There's no way Danny's signing this.
What? I haven't seen you laugh that hard since Dad fell off the roof.
That's because Mr.
Toshi is hilarious.
We're meeting for Sushi later.
Look, sweetie, this is Danny's first endorsement.
You only get one chance at a first time.
Well, actually I had three, but that's another story.
Look, Ben, I'm sorry, - there's just too many unknowns.
- Mom, come on.
- No.
- Can't we talk about this? I already made the poster! Oh my God, look at that poster! I'd buy soda from me.
Does that mean I'm in? - Working on it.
- But you think it's going to happen, right? - Well, the thing is - Dude, what's the problem? Don't we have a deal? Not yet.
Aw, man! I knew you'd never be able to talk Mom into it.
Wait.
- You didn't think I'd be able to do it? - It's cool, bro.
Nobody really did, but I appreciate you trying.
Danny, wait.
When I said not yet, I meant not yet as in you just need to sign the contract, - if you still want to be the face of Okiru.
- Oh, Ben! This is amazing! You're sure Mom's cool with this? Would I be here if she wasn't? Okay.
So, when the director says "Action", You skate up, chug the can, and say your line: "Okiru, okay!" Shakira, okay! - "Okiru, okay.
" - Okoolo, okay.
- Come on, man, it's only two words.
- Okey-dokey, okay.
Hey, man, Mom's coming for the big shoot, right? - I'm kinda surprised she's not here.
- Well That's because she trusts me so much that she's letting me take the reins on this.
Oh, and she said to tell you she's so proud of you for listening to me.
- Mom's the best.
- Yeah.
She's definitely something.
Let's try it again.
- Okiru, okay! - That was perfect.
Just like that.
- Keep 'em coming.
- Oh, man, I'm going to be so huge in Japan.
Dude, you're huge everywhere.
Get plenty of rest and call this in the morning.
Look, you have a responsibility to your volunteers.
When your brochure says "make a difference," that is an implied contract.
And what do you imply from this? Please.
I have fluffed pillows and delivered flowers, opened blinds, closed blinds.
I-- I am begging you, just let me save one life.
How about you start by saving me another walk.
Take this down to the lab.
Is this something vital and important? It was to the guy it came out of.
I don't get it.
I mean, what is the point of volunteering if you don't even do something worth bragging about? Lamest job ever.
Riley, look around.
People are dying, people are being born.
No one's got the time to take care of you.
Look, if you want to make an impact around here, you need to make your own opportunities.
Thank you, Tucker.
- You're right.
- Paging Dr.
Dobbs.
Paging Dr.
Dobbs.
And there's my opportunity right there.
I can't believe it, this is amazing! I know, it's gonna look great.
Once we're done filming Danny, the special effects department will fill in the green screen with 10,000 screaming fans.
Oh, I was talking about all the free food-- but that's cool too.
And I'm going to go see if everything's set up.
Danny, you look great.
You doin' okay? Dude, this is amazing! I feel amazing! You're amazing! Okiru-okay! Okiru-okay! Okiru-okay! Okay! Okay! Okay! Who wants to watch me skate? - What is the matter with you?! - Nothing! I've never felt better in my whole life.
This Okiru stuff is incredible! Did you know that you're not supposed to drink more than two of these in 24 hours? It says right here on the warning label! I've had like 40! Whoo, yeah! Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah! Whoo! - April, quick question.
- Uh-huh.
Just curious-- what's the deal with the warning on the can? Well, since Okiru is a highly-potent energy drink, you don't want people to have too many.
Consumers can be such idiots.
Right, an energy drink.
But don't worry about Danny.
The cans we're using later for filming - are full of water.
- Perfect.
There's nothing to worry about.
Oh, I can think of a thing or two.
Mom! What are you doing here? I just got the most interesting voicemail.
Hi, Mom! It's Danny! I'm gonna be on TV! Okay, I gotta call everyone I know.
Okiru-okay hey! Hey, Tuck.
So I took what you said to heart and I made my own opportunities.
Me too.
I stole a year's supply of these things.
I'm going to cut the fingers off and make my own condoms.
I figure if I could just brighten one person's day, then it would truly be a job well done.
So Mr.
Watkins in room 423 was so sad.
So I brought him some cookies and we just sat and talked - and he completely transformed.
- Oh my God! Mr.
Watkins? Did someone give you sugar? Code red, people! This is not a drill! Mom, please, just go home.
I've got this under control.
- Hi Mom! - Hi sweetie! For the record, that is not what "under control" looks like.
Is there a problem? Is Danny okay? He's fine.
He's just getting himself pumped up! If we could just have another minute.
- I swear I can handle this.
- Really? I just saw him arguing with a cardboard cutout of himself.
And the cutout was winning.
Look, I know this is a big moment for Danny, and I would never let him screw this up.
Ben, Danny's not the problem.
- Look at me, I'm a bee! - Yes, you are, honey! Okay, maybe he is the problem, but you're the one that got him there.
Then let me try and fix it.
Would it kill you to believe in me just this once? - Ben, we're waiting.
- Fine.
You wanna manage, let's see you manage.
Thank you.
Hey, how many of me do you see? 'Cause I can see three of you.
Danny, look at me.
You need to focus.
This is one of the most important moments of your life.
Just like we practiced-- you take a deep breath, you skate up.
Say your line.
And you're out.
Can you do it? I can do it.
Here we go, people.
Okiru-okay, take one.
Action! Danny! Uh cut? Oh hey, girl! Hey, honestly, this place is the gift that keeps on giving.
I just snagged us dessert for the next month.
Jell-o cup? Thanks.
I needed that.
It's nice to see at least somebody's getting something out of this.
Hey, don't feel bad.
So you don't have anything to brag about to Fitch.
The guy's still crazy about you.
I wasn't trying to prove anything to Fitch.
I was trying to prove it to myself.
But you know what? Maybe I'm just not a good person.
And if I'm gonna be totally honest, sick people give me the creeps.
Ugh, I know, they can be super needy.
So I've decided.
Enough is enough and I'm going upstairs to turn in my petticoat.
Oh hey, while you're up there, would you mind asking somebody how many times you can sit on the X-ray machine before you have to start worrying about butt-cancer? Hold the elevator! Oh my God, Danny! What happened to him? - Ben happened to him.
- It's just a concussion.
- If I could slide in here? - Now everybody out! This man needs medical attention.
One family member onlyl.
Obviously it should be the one who gave him life, not the person who tried to take it from him.
- I didn't do it on purpose! It could have happened-- - No no no! Ahhhh! Well done, Mr.
manager.
What next? Take him outside and throw him off the parking structure? God, why isn't this thing opening? Quit banging on all the buttons or you're gonna do that.
Well, I think we're stuck.
Oh God, we're not moving.
What are we going to do? Okay, you know what? Nothing to panic about.
Just stay calm.
I'm sure that this kind of thing happens all the time.
Um I don't mean to alarm you, but I'm not getting a heartbeat.
- Oh my God! - Help us! - Please! - We're stuck in here! I hate you.
I swear you are the most incompetent, - unprofessional-- - Immature? - Immature - Did you already say "unprofessional"? Yeah Piece of work I have ever met.
If I ever get any power, I swear I will use it to make sure that you and that crazy, hyped-up brother of yours never work in this business again.
I'm having second thoughts about this Okiru deal.
Still nothing.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
- What are we going to do? - I'll tell you what we're going to do.
We're going to save his life is what we're going to do.
All right, Tucker, I need you to get on the phone and tell them we have a code blue in elevator "C.
" We're going to need oxygen the second those doors open, stat.
- I said "stat!" - Oh right, okay.
Oh my God, okay.
Hello? Please, we need help! Code blue! Oh hey, Yvonne! Yeah.
Compression-- let's do this.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10-- Airway.
Breath.
It's not working! Come on, Danny, please wake up.
Riley? Oh, and I think he's back.
- Danny! - Riley! Oh snap.
Oh! What's going on? Not much.
What's going on with you? I just can't believe you went behind my back.
I just wanted to do something I could be proud of, something that Emma could be proud of.
I don't want to be a bartender forever.
So you thought, "hey, I'll just become Danny's manager.
I mean if Mom does it, it can't be that hard.
" Ben, Danny and I have been living and breathing hockey since he could pick up a stick.
We are at that rink every day.
Do you know why? Because it's his job and you have a lot of time on your hands? Because we know that everything worthwhile takes time and commitment.
You want to make Emma proud, then you need to put in the effort.
It's going to take a lot more than two days and Dad's old suit.
Mom, I'm sorry.
Do you think Danny will ever forgive me? It's opening! Get ready.
- I need some help here.
- Wait! I can see the headlines now: "New York Ranger saves candy striper.
" And that, Ben, is how you manage.
Huh, that's weird.
I don't have a heartbeat either.
- Peas or carrots? - Peas, please.
Thanks for saving my life.
Even though it didn't actually need saving.
Oh, happy to come to your rescue.
I just-- I wish I could remember more of what happened, you know? Tucker said you didn't have a heartbeat and the next thing I knew, you were carrying me out of the elevator.
What do you remember? Nothing really.
Just coming to and seeing you laying there on the ground.
Well, I should probably call Fitch.
Oh yeah.
I'm sure he'll be excited to hear - about all the good you're doing.
- Yeah.
I might leave a few parts out.
Uh, I'm just gonna Yeah.
So, how's she doing? Does she remember anything? Thankfully no.
And neither do you.
Got it? Got it.
- What's that? - It's a pager.
I'm on call.
What the--? These things are amazing.
You are gonna be so rich! Oh my gosh, you know I don't normally date guys that are shorter than me, but I promise you, I'm totally worth the climb.
I'm sorry, that is just a little joke.
I mean not little like you're little.
But seriously, you could probably save money if you shopped in the junior department.
Mr.
Toshi, Mr.
Toshi, that's a funny name.
Oh my gosh, Mr.
Toshi, I just realized your nickname could be "Mr.
T"! "I pity the fool that doesn't drink Okiru! Don't give me no jibber-jabber!" Mmm, mmm.
Uh, you know what? Screw it.