Betty (2020) s02e03 Episode Script

1
You guys, where we gonna take
these ramps?
We only have 48 hours.
SPEAKER: Five hundred dollars,
and there's enough dudes
to keep us getting paid, right?
There's no second dates,
no going alone.
Whatever.
JANAY: I'm not fucking around.
This is not a joke.
That's fly, right?
-ASH: What did you think?
-It was interesting.
KIRT: You think anybody
wants a dick pic?
Actually, some people do.
CHANTING: Kirt! Kirt! Kirt!
I just thought you looked
really cute.
You know what I look like,
right?
Yeah, you're cute!
SPEAKER 2: I thought it could be
your new winter spot, huh?
- Hey.
- What up?
- What's going on?
- Thank you.
Good night.
- So, uh,
did your loan go through?
- Nah.
Can you reapply?
- I even get it--I didn't
get a--even get a reply.
I can't reapply
and get a reply.
- I got you.
- All these big businesses,
like--
it's the Red Lobster
over there.
They doing just fine.
They got they loan, I'm sure.
Applebee's over there?
They good.
People like us?
Like, we're from
this neighborhood.
Know what I'm saying?
Entrepreneurs.
Black-owned businesses shutting
down left and right, yo.
I-I can't even get a reply.
Like, at least tell me, "No."
- Yeah.
- You know what I'm saying?
I'm just gonna take it
as a "L," yo.
- No, no.
I mean, well, there--
there has to be something
that we can do, right?
I mean, we'll figure it out,
all right?
- Be safe.
- I'll talk to you later.
- I'll be around.
- Indigo!
Have you seen my red pants?
Indigo.
- Oh, you must be Camille.
Here.
I ironed them
and Febrezed them.
They were a little stinky.
- Who the hell are you?
- Camille, put some respect
on Magda's name.
- You hired a maid?
- She prefers "house cleaner."
- Why is she here?
- You asked me to clean up.
I'm cleaning up.
- I asked you to clean up,
not hire TaskRabbit.
Also, how can you afford
to hire a maid?
- Someone woke up on one today.
All right, I'm sorry.
Maybe I did wake up "on one."
I'm just freaking out
about the NFD thing.
They--they're trying
to make me shoot--
like, get another girl,
and it's all bougie,
and, like, use another girl,
and I don't know
what the fuck to--to
- You're stressed
about some pictures?
- Yeah!
- It's not funny.
- It is funny.
- No, it's not.
- I got you.
- You'll help me
with the photos and be in them
and, like, take them with--
- Yeah, that's easy.
- Um, we'll take them
and you'll help me with it?
- I got you.
I just need one little favor
in return, and we're square.
- Miss Indigo?
- All right, anything.
I'll do anything.
- All right, cool.
- Your stew's ready.
- You got her making stew?
- I like stew.
- So, basically, the way
the Inner Earth theory works
is that it's a hollow Earth.
You can enter the Earth
from Antarctica
or the North Pole, right?
And there's other civilizations
within the Earth, yo.
There's people--
- Hey.
Would you guys mind putting
this half-pipe over there?
Let's just, you know,
make it flow, you know?
- Yo, what's--what's this
shorty talking about?
- I have no clue.
- Shorty?
- Sylvester just told us
- To bring this stuff in here.
- Okay, well, I'm asking you
to put it in the corner,
please.
- Yeah, nobody doing--
- And who the hell are you?
- Nah, you gonna take this?
- Yeah.
- Yo!
Hey, what are you guys doing?
What are you doing?
What is this?
What do you think this is?
Listen, if you're
going to be here,
you need to be putting in work!
Work!
- I am working!
I am supervising.
- Yo, are you--
- My bad.
- Are you peeing in here?
- Yo, stop disrespecting
the space.
- Thank you.
- It's no problem.
Yo, the piss corner's
in the back left, bro.
- What the fuck?
- We use bottles.
- Use the toilets!
Gosh.
Ugh.
Wait.
Holy shit!
- This must be saved ♪
What up? ♪
- We've got ten seconds
to think of a pose.
- Um, I don't know
how to do it.
- Look at the camera.
- Like, how--
- Don't pose like that!
You're posing
like a little boy!
This is not
what we need right now.
This is military hard--
- My body just wants
to do that automatically.
I'm sorry.
- Thumb in your pocket.
- It's not my pocket.
- Relax. Whatever.
- What?
I know you're feeling it.
You never wear clothes
like this.
Come on, come on, come on.
Now lean forward--
yeah, arch your back
and this foot--yeah, uh-huh.
But not, like, actually angry.
Like, sexy bitch face.
Okay, now you look constipated.
- Why can't I do it?
Like, what the hell?
This is, like,
fucking rocket science.
- It's 'cause you don't
believe in yourself.
- Yo, I got this idea
for our next video.
I'll film you ollie over me,
and then ollie over you,
then we can go skate that thing
over there.
- Not right now, little man.
Not the time.
We're not doing
funny right now.
- What's this, fashion show?
- No, we're just taking photos.
- Y'all taking ho photos?
You gotta go. You gotta go.
- No, just, like, regular--
- Oh, my God.
- I'll--I'll do--
we'll do it later.
I'll--I like that idea.
- A'ight.
I like your lipstick, though.
- That's so sweet! He noticed.
- This is, like,
public humiliation torture.
- You look fucking hot, bro.
Shut up.
- Really?
That's me?
I told you, you look good!
- No, but, like--
- I can't wait
to take this makeup off.
- Ah!
Uh-uh.
You still owe me.
- More chicks than you
ever fucking had ♪
- Okay.
Yeah, I forgot about that.
- Nah, for real, bro.
Your testosterone levels
be on their cycle too.
- Mm.
- That's what they don't
tell you is that
you also have a period.
- Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Nah, nah, nah.
- The pe--
- What the fuck? Hell no.
- No, I'm serious.
The moon pulls
on your balls too,
just like the tides.
High balls, low balls.
High balls, low balls.
- It does happen.
- Yeah.
- It happens
when I'm about to bust.
- Yeah, that's what
I'm trying to tell you!
- It gets really high,
and then when I'm done--
- Boom.
- You're gonna stick them
all the way up her pussy,
and then curve your fingers.
- Curve.
Wait, wait, wait.
Is she lying on her back
or her stomach?
- On her back, bro.
- Oh, in the text,
I wasn't sure, so--got it.
- Anyways, not every girl
can come like that.
What's the primary directive?
all: Don't neglect
the clitoris.
- Exactly.
But G-spots are cool too.
Um, actually,
you guys have a G-spot.
- True.
- What?
Where?
- In your asshole.
- Shut up.
Stop playing.
- Not for nothing,
my girl stuck her finger
up there once.
Shit was lit.
- Hell yeah.
- Doesn't sound that bad,
actually.
- It's fucking awesome.
- Yo!
Put that shit out!
- Yo, chill!
It's freezing in here.
What else are we
supposed to do?
- Yo, I could not find
the pee corner.
- What the fuck
is wrong with you?
- What?
- And where have you even been?
- I've been trying to help
these boys
grow into men, Janay.
They need me.
- Right.
- It's the Lord's work.
- Oh, yes. Okay, great. Yes.
It's the Lord's work.
Well, while you're at it,
can you please ask the Lord
to help you get these boys
under control?
- Why?
- What do you mean, why?
Ugh! God!
- Bro, chill.
- Everybody stop
what you're doing!
Can you please just stop?
- Yo!
Yo!
- Stop!
- Yo!
Everyone shut the fuck up!
Janay is in charge.
You guys better start
fucking listening to her.
- Do it. Do it.
Yeah.
Oh, that looks good.
- I forgot to film it!
- Oh, my God.
- Mmm.
- Looks delicious.
- There's absolutely no reason
for there to be gold leaf
in a soup.
- I know, right?
Who's the chef, Rick Ross?
- Rick Ross.
M-m-m-Maybach meatballs ♪
- Wait, I don't get it.
- Ah, whatever,
I'm just being a dork.
- Don't worry, I got it.
- You got it?
- Yeah, you're funny.
- Okay, cool.
- Don't worry.
- Cool, cool, cool.
What do you say, um, we go
have a drink at my place?
Or
Ay-yi-yi.
I'm sor--I'm just--
I'm new at this, you know?
- Yeah, we'll just need
to deliberate.
- That's totally cool.
Either way, it's all good.
It's good to meet you.
No pressure.
I'm gonna go, I don't know,
see if the urinals
are gold-plated too.
You guys deliberate.
All right.
- So we're--
we're not gonna go, right?
- Normally, I wouldn't,
but his Cartier
was real as fuck,
which means we are
about to get paid, bitch.
So I think we should go.
- Indigo, I'm not going.
- Camille.
Come on, he's chill.
It'll be fine.
And this shit is good.
- Um
- Oh!
Yo, you good?
- Damn, dude!
- Yo!
Yo!
What are you guys doing?
- What's up?
- Come on, bro.
You guys can piss all over
their floors and everything,
but you can't put
a fucking poster on the wall?
- You're right.
- You guys are on a mission
right now.
- We got you.
- And then ask Janay
if she needs help
with, like, anything else.
- A'ight, bet. We got you.
- Okay.
- Yas, queen.
- Hey, up a little bit.
- Everything's coming together.
- Yeah, I know.
It's coming along real well.
- Right?
- Yeah.
- Where you wanna put this,
though?
- Yeah, not this.
I don't like this here.
We should move it.
Hey!
Hey, guys?
Could we move this ramp
and this middle section
right here, please?
- Yeah, of course.
Most definitely.
- Yeah, sure.
- Thanks so much.
- Everybody grab a side.
- Thank you.
- On three.
One, two, three.
So move it right--
- Yeah, right--
right there is fine.
Yeah, that's good.
Thank you.
- Fuck! God damn, bro!
- Oh, my God, are you okay?
- I'm good.
- Aw, you guys are so cute.
- Why don't you kiss it
and make it feel better?
- Oh, my God.
Your friends are exhausting.
- Trust me, I know.
They're immature.
- I just want a shawty,
yeah ♪
I can fuckin' skate with ♪
I just want a shawty that'll
listen to my playlist ♪
I just want a shawty I can
go on cute dates with ♪
I just want a shawty, yeah ♪
I can fuckin' skate with ♪
I just want a shawty, yeah ♪
I can fuckin' skate with ♪
I just want a shawty that'll
listen to my playlist ♪
I just want a shawty I can
go on cute dates with ♪
I just want a shawty, yeah ♪
I can fuckin' skate with ♪
Let's be real,
you're just my type ♪
You with me,
it'll feel just right ♪
Shoot my shot,
baby, I just might ♪
Don't be afraid,
baby, I don't bite ♪
- Yo, what's up, miss?
Can I help you?
- This place is amazing.
- Excuse me?
- It's so cool.
When did you all
get to the neighborhood?
- Oh, we just pulled up.
It's still fresh.
- Wow.
- Oh, man, here comes
the Karens, man.
I'm telling you.
- Ugh, hardly, you know.
And actually, we're not really
using that word anymore.
It's sort of
a misogynistic slur.
- Is it?
- Hi!
Hi, hi.
We're actually running
a new community center
out of this building.
- Oh.
Okay, uh
- Actually, um,
"VICE" is filming it.
- Oh, cool!
I love "VICE."
- Yeah.
- Yeah, don't we all?
- Nice.
Okay well, um
that's good to know
you're supposed to be here.
both: Yeah.
- So
- Cool.
Yeah, glad we figured that out.
- Awesome.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Thanks for checking up on us,
neighbor.
- All right!
- See you later!
- Yep, just maybe
a little quieter.
Bye. Thank you!
- Hello.
- Hello.
What can I get for you?
- Um, can I please have a large
hot coffee just with milk?
- You got it.
Yo, are you Kirt?
- Yeah. Do I know you?
- No, no, but Ugly Charlie
told me about you.
You're working miracles.
- Here.
- No, no, no, on the house.
- Thanks.
- Yo, uh, can I audit the class
by any chance?
- Bro, it's not
fucking like that.
Come on.
- Gotcha.
Good to meet you, Kirt.
- Yo, Kirt!
I don't know who the fuck
you think you are,
sexting my man
about your G-spot.
Are you fucking serious?
- Okay, who are you,
and who are you talking about?
- I'm Shelby,
and I'm Micah's girlfriend.
And I want answers.
- Oh, shit.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
Okay, look.
I was not talking to Micah
about my G-spot.
I was talking to Micah
about your G-spot.
I been teaching all these boys
how to please women.
- What?
Oh, God, wait.
So you're not trying
to fuck Micah, then?
You're, like--
- No.
- Oh, you're like--
- I, like, fuck women.
- Oh.
Well
well, nice to meet you.
- Okay, hold up.
Why--why am I walking backwards
to come fix a pipe for you?
- Okay.
- Yo, this is--
- Because I thought
you needed a kitchen!
It's yours till you get
on your feet.
- Don't play with me like that.
- I'm not.
That's what this space is for,
and plus, like, we're family.
- Facts.
Do you know what that is?
- Nope.
Eh?
- You gotta be kidding me.
Yo, don't play with me
like that, yo.
Don't play with my emotions,
yo.
- What?
- I could rock with this, yo.
- Yep.
- Plus, all them racks on racks
on racks, that's me?
Pshh.
Say word?
Come here. Come here.
Come. Come here.
- Baby, hi!
I brought you pizza.
Your favorite kind.
- What the--
- What happened to the top?
- What do you mean?
It looks good!
- It's a bald pizza.
What do you--
- Okay, I ate a--
just, like, a little bit--
- A little?
Oh, interesting.
- No, we'll eat that
together later.
- No, you can eat it.
- Are you serious?
- But you ate it.
- But you love it
'cause you love me.
What are you painting?
Wait, let me guess.
Um, okay.
Right now, I'm seeing--
this is a alien nipple?
- No.
- This is adinosaur titty.
- No.
- Well, what is it, then?
- You're drunk.
- I mean, I had, like,
two glasses of wine.
What?
I thought we were allowed
to drink wine.
- Uh, yeah, we are.
We are.
♪
- This is the heart ♪
That used to feel
the joy of waking ♪
I was thankful
for each flower, every dream ♪
These are the eyes ♪
That used to see
each new day breaking ♪
And believing it was a gift
from God to me ♪
I have felt
these things inside ♪
Since you left, everything
beautiful has died ♪
Come back home ♪
Oh, baby, come back home ♪
Everything that I've been
living for is gone ♪
Oh, baby,
won't you come back home ♪
- Thank you for riding
the Staten Island Ferry.
- And you see that?
That is OJ's other glove.
- No way.
- What?
- Mm.
I'm just fucking with you.
It's not.
It's a Barry Bonds
2001 practice glove.
- Well
- You had me there, sir.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my goodness.
- What?
- Is this real?
- Yeah!
- Britney Spears?
- That's so sick!
- Yeah, it's Britney.
- What?
Why do you have all this stuff?
- What can I say?
I have a trust fund,
and I love eBay.
- You can get anything on eBay.
- You can get a lot of shit
on eBay.
You know,
I love all this stuff.
- All the sports?
- All the sports.
All the games.
- Mm.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?
Are you skating in my house?
And you're gonna damage
a $3,000 board.
What are you doing?
It's my house.
- That's a signed original.
Okay, I'm gonna
take that from you,
'cause you're gonna
hurt yourself,
and that's a $3,000 board.
You're gonna bash--like--
ay-yi-yi-yi.
- I can do it. Watch, watch.
- Just--
okay, you're scaring me.
- Wait, wait, wait.
One more, one more?
- All right, one more.
Whoa!
- Oh, my God,
you're killing me.
I'm tripping right now.
- Check it out.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- That's a Tony Alva board.
That's a signed original.
- Do you know--
do you know who Tony Alva is?
- Not really, but I know
it's expensive and shit.
- Whoo!
- What the fuck?
You're good?
- I'm good. I'm good.
- You were all like
- Okay! All right, okay.
Yo.
- Look, look.
You're goofy, you know,
when you drop the act.
- What?
What act?
- That.
- Stop.
- Okay, look, I'll show you.
It's like, you're--
you're kinda like
Yup, yup.
Right there, put it right--
guys--gu--
How did I do it again?
How did I fall?
Do it again.
- You was like
- This your first time
seeing it?
- There's something
about it still.
It's like--
- It's better than crutches.
- You guys married?
- Nah, bro,
we were just on Molly.
- What?
- Yeah, I know.
I know.
You're not supposed
to get name tattoos,
but drugs are fucking weird.
- Well, Micah says a lot
of nice things about you.
- Really?
I wish he'd say them to me.
- What are you doing?
- Stealing your warmth.
Obviously.
- Yo, bro, I have respect
for my friends, like
- Me too.
I'm literally
just sitting here.
- You literally are not.
That is so hot.
- My bad.
- Oh, I'll be damned.
Look at that!
- I told you!
- Oh, shit.
That is cool. So cool.
Who's that guy?
- Oh, it's my friend Tai.
He's, like, basically
like a little brother.
- Yeah.
- You know, we skate and--
- Hey, Bianca, give--thank you.
- Indigo.
He let me skate
the Tony Alva board
and I did a manual on the board
on his floor.
- Bianca, let's dance.
- I don't dance.
- Everybody dances. Come on.
- Mm, you're about to.
And I'm gonna
hold onto your phone.
- Not me.
- You can dance.
Oh, a little Britney?
Look out.
Is it dance party time?
- It's dance party time.
- Yeah.
- Uh, no, you know
I don't like to dance.
- Yes, you--come on.
- Come on, come on, it's okay.
- No.
- Go ahead.
- I don't really know how to.
- Yeah, you do.
Everyone knows how to dance.
- I mean, I can, like, do this.
- Mm, nope.
- There's no escape ♪
- A little spin.
- Whoa.
- You're dangerous,
I'm lovin' it ♪
Too high, can't come down ♪
Losing my head ♪
- Oh!
Are you okay?
- Do you feel me now? ♪
- Oh, my gosh, really?
- Yeah, I think it's broke.
- Damn, where?
Nah, I'm just kidding.
I'm fine.
- It's not funny.
It's not funny--oh, my God.
- I got you, though.
- With a taste
of a poison paradise ♪
I'm addicted to you ♪
Don't you know
that you're toxic? ♪
♪
- Yo, I know this is weird,
but if you kiss right now,
this Tony Alva board is yours.
♪
- It's getting late ♪
- Yo, you think it would
be okay if I kissed you?
- Yeah, it would be cool.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- What the fuck?
- Can't come down ♪
It's in the air
and it's all around ♪
Can you feel me now? ♪
- Fuck.
- We shouldn't.
- We aren't.
- With a taste of your lips,
I'm on a ride ♪
You're toxic,
I'm slippin' under ♪
With a taste
of a poison paradise ♪
I'm addicted to you ♪
Don't you know
that you're toxic? ♪
And I love what you do ♪
Don't you know
that you're toxic? ♪
Don't you know
that you're toxic? ♪
- Okay, board please.
- With a taste of your lips,
I'm on a ride ♪
- Okay.
- Intoxicate me now
with your lovin' now ♪
I think I'm ready now,
I think I'm ready now ♪
- I think I'm ready now ♪
Stop, bro, don't yank.
We have gum stuck in our hair.
Oh, wow!
What if you guys
start dancing a little bit?
KIRT: Yes!
Why are we even
doing photoshoots here?!
I'm just trying
to make some money,
because I'm like,
homeless right now.
-Are you kidding me?
-Homelessness is a spectrum.
Hey, get your booty in here.
Hey, Honeybear.
Can you just like,
-take me already?
-Shit.
SPEAKER:
(GASPS) We made it.
KIRT: This is all meant to be!
(CLUB MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
(LAUGHS)