Bunk'd (2015) s02e03 Episode Script

1 Okay, Woodchucks.
I have the best news to tell you! It's Cell Phone Sunday.
Just text us.
Or we could be totally retro and talk with our mouths.
So, as of right now, we are officially on barn duty.
This camp has a barn? Yeah, right behind the camp bowling alley.
There's a bowling alley? Yes, right next to the arcade.
We have got to get off the great lawn more.
Well, here's your chance.
It's the Woodchuck's turn to tidy up the barn, and take care of the animals.
Adorable animals? I am so in.
Back home, I had a zebra, a giraffe, and a pig, if you count Luke.
Gee, I'd love to help tidy up, but I volunteered to do some charity work in town.
Really? What charity? The National Foundation For People Who Need Charity.
As legit as that sounds, barn duty is mandatory.
Besides, it'll be good for you to get your hands dirty.
Time to step up.
I'd love to step up, I just don't want to step in anything nasty.
I'm talking about poop.
Yeah, I got that.
Here we go We're leaving the city behind right now Let's gather by the campfire light And sing this song All: Kikiwaka Hanging out with someone new Then falling out of a camp canoe What's that smell? It's on your shoe All: Kikiwaka Got a s'more in my hair Mosquitos in our underwear Shower's broke but we don't care All: Kikiwaka This is our home away from home away from home away from home But watch your back A bear just ate my phone All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka All righty, Grizzlies, I know it is a bit blustery today, but collect as many leaves as you can.
And back at camp, we will make leaf etchings.
And, uh, how do we know which ones are poisonous? Okay, leaf etchings are canceled.
Uh, let us just enjoy a walk through nature instead.
Hey, guys, what's that? Your guess is as good as mine, but my guess is It is a hand-hewn, cedar-lined sauna from the Swedish province of Vasterbotten.
Dude, how could you possibly know that? Because I happen to be the most intelligent CIT at camp.
Plus, there's a sign.
(Imitating Jorge) Plus, there's a sign.
Oh, dear gods Ravi, isn't that your dad, but flatter? Yes.
It seems we have stumbled upon Gladys's private sauna, and she has made Mr.
Daddy her steamy boy-toy.
Oh, what he must have seen.
Wow.
I've never been in a sauna before.
Unless you count the time that steam pipe burst while I was in The Hole.
They have solitary confinement in juvenile detention? No.
The Hole is a donut place where I used to shoplift.
Guys, let's get out of here.
I can't stand confined spaces.
Probably because I once spent a whole night in a coffin.
I do not want to know why you were in a coffin It was a game of hide-and-seek gone wrong at a funeral.
Do games of hide-and-seek ever go right at a funeral? So, should we get our steam on? Well, okay, heat is excellent for the pores.
As they say, treat yo-self.
(Chicken clucking) Welcome to the barn, my favorite place at camp! Sometimes when I'm homesick, I sleep here with the horses.
That explains why you come home with hay in your hair.
Oh, no, that's a fashion choice.
You don't like it? Um Awkward.
(Bleating) Aw, hey, look, it's a sheep! She's adorable.
Yeah, that's Sheila.
Oh, she really likes you.
But don't get distracted by that cute little cotton ball, we have a long list of chores to do.
Oh, no! I just remembered I left the oven on in our cabin.
My pie will burn.
Oh, please, you've never even eaten pie, much less made one.
Should have gone with diarrhea.
No one ever asks follow-up questions.
While you guys finish this list, I'm gonna build a new pig trough.
If you hear me screaming, don't worry.
It's just my process.
Zuri, I order you to do these chores.
Why should I listen to you? Because I'm a CIT.
Counselor In Training.
Well, it's not gonna happen, because I'm a CWS.
Camper With Sass.
Okay, I've never read the camp manual, but I'm pretty sure that's not a real position.
I don't have time to do any chores, I have a sheep to snuggle.
Well, I'm not cleaning up.
It's a pig sty in here.
(Pig oinking) Oh, now I get it.
Wait, you know what? I think I have an idea to get us out of barn duty.
Lou: (Screaming) I love this hammer! Can't she just whistle while she works, like everybody else? Ah! I love taking a good shvitz.
Dude, don't do that here.
Go in the woods.
My hair is starting to frizz.
I suppose we should head back before the wind gets worse.
Also, people are probably looking for me, since I am the coolest CIT.
(Chuckles) Bro, I'm new at camp, but I'm not stupid.
(Crashes) What was that? (Wind howling) (Gasps) A tree fell and it is blocking the door! You mean we're stuck in here? (Screams) My hair! Let me guess, your hands are stuck in your hair again? (Screams) My hands! (Horse neighing) Well, shuck my corn, this place looks amazing! Are the troughs Full? Yup, and the goats are groomed and the chickens are cooped.
We finished all our chores! And I even had time to teach Sheila some tricks.
Come check it out.
Sheila, stay.
(Bleats) Sheila, be cute.
Isn't she a genius? You guys, I am so impressed.
You've made your Mama Woodchuck awful proud.
Who was that man? Uh, I have no idea.
Probably just your run-of-the-mill drifter.
(Cell phone chimes) Uh, Zuri, you just got charged $100 from the Barn Buddy App.
It was only supposed to be 50! I mean, I've been hacked! Wait, you two hired someone to do your chores for you? We did, and we didn't.
We did, in that we did.
And we didn't, in that Okay, I lied, we did.
You guys are totally missing the point of barn duty.
Look, the reason people ask "How much wood can a Woodchuck chuck?" is 'cause Woodchucks chuck their own wood! What people are asking that? I am so disappointed in you two.
And once I have cooled down, I would like that farmer's contact information so I can swap goat grooming secrets with him.
Zuri, why didn't you put your phone on silent? Why didn't you download the app on your phone like I asked you to? You know I have limited storage! What's taking up your space? All those pie recipes? This wouldn't have happened if you weren't horsing around with that sheep! It's sheeping around with a sheep.
Am I right, Sheila? Sheila? Where'd she go? Zuri, the door's open.
I think she got out.
Oh, no! We've lost Sheila! Don't panic.
I think I saw a sheep finding app.
Emma, this is a sheet finding app.
How is breathable cotton going to help us? Well, if we don't find Sheila, it'll help us sleep better at night.
My hair feels really bad.
Does it look bad? (Chuckles) "Bad" is such a subjective word But it's the right word.
I've gotta get out of here! (Sighs) Do not worry, Jorge.
I will save us! (Inhales and grunts) You trying to break open that door is like an ant trying to push a train.
Well, what are you doing to help? I'm providing hilarious commentary.
Normally, that is my role, as I am also the funniest CIT at camp.
Yeah, but is it ever on purpose? Who cares? We're trapped because Ravi was so concerned about his stupid pores! A dirty pore makes a dirty man.
Now, chillax.
Speaking of chill, we should turn off the heat.
What's the point? The frizz train has left the station! Uh-oh.
I think I broke the thermostat.
We're all gonna die in here! Hey, maybe I can sharpen one of these sauna rocks and cut us a hole out of here.
Will that work? Sure.
I once dug my way out of juvie with a sharpened toothbrush.
I just need a poster of Selena Gomez.
What for? To hide the hole from the guards.
There are no guards! I'd still like that poster.
We've searched every inch of camp.
It's like Sheila's disappeared! Maybe she went to get a blow out? I didn't want to say anything, but her wool was looking a little bit busted.
Emma, this is all your fault.
If you hadn't tried to boss me around, Sheila would never have run away.
Maybe she ran away because you were smothering her.
It's called love, you ice queen! Look, Zuri, fighting with each other isn't going to solve anything.
(Sighs) You're right.
What's important is that we find Sheila.
Yeah, and before Lou realizes she's gone.
When she's angry, she yells in a country dialect I don't understand.
Once she called me a deep fried dickery doodle.
Well, if the doodle fits.
I am sweating to death! Hurry up! If my hair gets any bigger, it'll absorb my brain! Okay, I'm done.
(Sighs) Thank the gods! Now, let us discuss a plan of action before we do anything rash Freedom! (Crashes) (Grunting) Uh, guys? I didn't quite make it.
Uh, yeah, we see that.
If we had to get stuck with half of Jorge, why did it have to be this half? Oh, cruel world.
Sheila! Here, girl! We need some kind of bait.
Should we say we have pizza? Sure, Emma.
Should it be thin crust or deep dish? Well, if the sheep is from Chicago I was being sarcastic! I'm sorry, I'm just worried about Sheila.
I know, but we'll find her.
Sheila! We have pizza! (Sheila bleating) She's over there! Ah, told you.
Pizza always works.
Sheila! I was so worried about you, I snapped at Emma.
Zuri, you snap at me all the time.
Yeah, but this time, I was sorry about it.
Man, having a kid makes you soft.
Okay, sheep mama, let's go.
(Bleats) Something's wrong with Sheila.
Do you think she got into the mess hall food? I hope not.
(Whispers) They were serving lamb chops.
(Bleats) She seems like she's in pain.
Look, I don't care if we get in trouble with Lou, we need to find Sheila help.
You're right.
Let's get her back to camp.
Uh, one question.
Which way is camp? Uh It's around here somewhere.
I remember passing some trees.
And I know for sure it's in Maine.
Great, now I feel so much better.
Don't worry, I'll find it.
How? You get lost at the mall.
Between you and me, I do that on purpose, so I can keep shopping.
(Bleats) (Bleats) Sheila's getting worse! I should've taken better care of her.
Zuri, listen You know how you love Sheila and want to take care of her? Well, that's how I feel about you.
So I promise, I'll get us back to camp.
But it's dark! What if we get more lost? Oh, do you have your phone? Yeah, but this hardly seems like the time to post a status update.
No, your phone has a flashlight on it.
But now that you mention it (Clicks camera) Hashtag, lost and fabulous.
Emma, focus! Sorry.
I am a selfie addict.
But the point is, we can use your flashlight on your phone to retrace our footprints back to camp.
Great idea! (Clicks camera) Hashtag, great idea! Emma! I said I have a problem! Help! Jorge, your screaming is helping no one.
You are merely sending out a "come eat me" signal to the bears.
Just let him scream.
If they chew off his top half, maybe we can get the rest out.
(Grunts) Are you using all your strength? Are you using any strength? Ow! Oh, sorry, Jorge.
Did the force of my raging biceps hurt you? No, a bird is making a nest on my head! It's turning my cranium into a condo! Okay, pulling isn't working.
We're going to have to push him out.
(Sighs) Good idea.
Go for it, man.
(Chuckles) No, after you.
I insist.
But you've known him longer.
Which is why I cannot go near that.
Quit arguing and just push my tush! It is so hot, my eyes are sweating! Yeah, that's called crying! Wait! My boiled brain just had a thought.
Maybe the heat will make Jorge perspire more.
The sweatier he is, the easier it will be to slip him out of the hole.
Jorge can get sweatier? He can always get sweatier.
We made it! We're safe! Woodchucks! You spoke too soon.
There you are! I am steamed hotter than a boiling kettle in a crop-fire! You are going to feel the wrath of my grits! See? It's like her own language.
I can't believe you lazy yahoos think you can just dosey-doh out of barn duty, and take Sheila for a night trot! What do you take me for, a fertnerter? Lou, we're sorry, but right now we need your help! After that, you can yell at us in your country gibberish.
Sheila ran away because we weren't paying attention, and now she's sick.
(Sheila bleats) Well, I guess I'll have to put my wrath grits on hold, because we got a hurtin' animal to tend to.
Let me take a look.
Is she going to be okay? Well, let's see.
Sheila, on a scale from one to ten, how much pain are you in? (Sheila bleats) Ten.
That is not good.
You speak sheep? Once you know goat, it's easy.
Wait a minute Well, sheep-to-my-Lou! Sheila isn't sick.
She's pregnant! Both: What? Sheila, you didn't tell me? The mother's always the last to know.
He's not budging! And we are getting steamed like clams! My butt is on fire! And not in the way that I'm used to! Oh, dear! I fear this defective piece of junk is about to explode! Curse you, people of Vasterbotten and your shoddy craftsmanship! (Sighs) If this is the end, let's not spend our last moments touching Jorge's butt! Good point.
At least I will die knowing I'm the most popular CIT.
Oh, who am I kidding? The campers call me Ronnie.
That's the nicest thing they call you.
(Crashes) (All screaming) (Exploding) (Crashing) We are free and alive! Is it just me, or is the air fresher, the stars brighter? Get off me, dude.
Gladly.
Wait, where's Jorge? Jorge! I'm okay! My butt broke my fall! Well, at least it is good for something.
I can't believe we didn't know Sheila was pregnant.
Well, I noticed she was putting on a little weight, but you never ask a lady if she's expecting.
Where I come from, that'll get you a horseshoe to the head.
Horses are very sensitive.
OMG, we need to plan a baby shower! Um, pretty soon we're all going to need a shower, because this baby's coming right now! Ew, gross! I mean, the miracle of birth is beautiful.
(Sheila bleats) Emma, get a bucket of water! Zuri, grab some towels! Sheila, try to relax.
(Bleats) Or not, whatever you want.
Towels.
Sheila, it's okay.
I'm here.
(Squishing) Um Is there supposed to be this much slime? Oh, boy Just breathe.
Okay.
(Puffing) I was talking to the sheep.
I don't care, it's helping.
(Squishing) Okay, that's a lot of slime! It's a gusher! Ew.
Emma, are you okay? Who cares? I've got two other siblings, but only one Sheila! Okay, I'm going to press on Sheila's tummy ever so gently.
(Bleats) Sheila! Language! She's in pain! Zuri, if Sheila won't let me touch her, then you're gonna have to deliver this baby! What? I can't do that! Yes, you can! Do it for Sheila.
(Breaths deeply) Okay.
I'm ready.
So is she.
There's the baby's head! Oh, man, this just got real! This baby is comin'! Easy Easy Good.
Now, guide the baby out.
(Bleats) Zuri: It's coming out! (Bleats) (Squishing) Aw (Bleats) Got her! Nice catch, Zuri! Aw, she's perfect.
Four little hooves and one little tail.
You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, Zuri Junior.
(Bleats) It's just a suggestion.
Zuri, you did it! I did, didn't I? Yep.
When it mattered most, you stepped up.
I'm really proud of you.
Thanks, Lou.
Did I miss it? What's happening? Sheila had a little lamb! And it's fleece is kind of gross.
(Squishing) Here comes the afterbirth! Aw, the baby came with its own leash.
Uh, that's not a leash.
I cannot believe today, we stared death right in the face.
And that face was Jorge's butt.
When word gets out that we survived that explosion, my rep will blow up like that sauna.
Sure it will, Ronnie.
Jorge, hurry up! I can't! The momma bird laid eggs.
I'm gonna be an uncle! Emma, why did you bring us back here? Our barn duty is done.
Yeah, and you said the barn was more revolting than public transportation.
Well, I wanted to apologize for letting you guys down yesterday during the delivery.
To be fair, you were unconscious.
So I did what I do best.
Decorate! (Lou gasps) Zuri: Aw, it's a sheep nursery.
I love it.
This is adorable, Emma.
Thank you.
Although that stuffed animal's going to freak them out.
Yeah, bears are a sheep's natural predator, Emma.
What were you thinking? You know, you could've just stopped at thank you.
Thank you.
Well, Woodchucks, I have to say your barn duty started out Well, like doody, but you really turned it around.
I salute you.
(All chittering) And I have news.
Next week, we're on plumbing duty.
Sadly, the septic tank hasn't been pumped since the '80s, and it is stinky! (Thuds) We should tie a pillow to the back of her head.