Central Park (2020) s02e03 Episode Script

Nice onesie, little baby.
To both of us, I guess.
So, monster trouble?
Yes! It's in arms and armor!
Thanks.
Hey, nice to have "met" you.
Because the museum.
Okay, I'm gonna go fight a monster.
Is that camera following me?
That's strange.
Well, I guess it's a classic battle
of good versus medieval.
What, nothing? You liked it.
Incredible Fista Puffs theme song, go!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Ah, Fista Puffs
Fista Puffs
Fista Puffs
-Is she super smart?
-Oh, yeah
-Is she super strong?
-Oh, yeah
-Will she beat the monsters?
-Oh, yeah
-Is she super awkward?
-Oh, y-- No
-Was she hit by a cosmic ray?
-I don't think so
-Was she sent here from outer space?
-I don't know
-Who is her nemesis?
-Bad guys, I guess
-And what's her biggest weakness?
-Cute boys
-And is she good at kissing?
-None of your business
But probably so
She is a superhero after all
-Fista Puffs
-Protecting the city
-Fista Puffs
-And her jokes are so witty
-Fista Puffs
-Defending this land
Fista Puffs
And her jokes always also land
Fista Puffs
You're going down in fistory
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Fista Puffs
Fista Puffs
Fista Puffs
Fista, Fista, Puff, Puff, Fista Puffs
-Fista, Fista, Puff, Puff, Fista Puffs
-Oh, Fista Puffs
-Fista, Fista, Puff, Puff
-Fista Puffs
-Fista Puffs
-It's a great day for justice
Fista Puffs
And a bad hair day for villains
-Fista Puffs
-It's a great day for justice
Fista Puffs
And a bad hair day for villains
You're going down in fistory
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Hey there. You ready to do this?
Do you wanna hydrate first or--
Okay, I guess we're starting. Leaping!
Stepping on your head. Yeah.
A lance? "Joust" a minute.
No more lance.
Have you considered flossing?
Pretty good bathroom visit.
Maybe walk a little faster?
You know what? I'll give you a hand.
Thank you!
Does not smell great in there,
and you're gonna eat me. Crap.
Let's try this again.
What's her problem?
Just kidding, I know it's the monster.
-Yes! It's in arms and armor--
-Arms and armor.
Yep. I'll go take care of it.
By the way, glad to have "met" you.
Cue laughter.
Still nothing? It's a good joke.
Maybe you don't like jokes.
Maybe it's you.
Look who found a mace for your face.
I'm gonna get ya.
Nope, didn't get ya.
Crap.
Crap.
Oh, boy.
What about this shield?
Very shieldy.
Whatcha-- Whatcha doin'?
Thinkin' about-- thinkin' about how--
How much you're losing this fight or?
Oh, got it. You're doing that. Crap!
Hey, hey. Do you mind if we take a break?
-Wait, what?
-A break. I just need a minute.
Sure.
I mean, it's not really my call, but--
Can we stop the simulation?
Okay. End simulation.
-What is wrong with me today?
-Wrong? No. You're doing fine.
Everything feels off,
like nothing's working.
Oh, I should go call my dog sitter.
-Nice work, Dennis.
-Oh, thanks. Means a lot.
-Haze, Sha-Boom, look--
-I bet you just didn't stretch enough.
-You have tight-muscle face.
-She does.
-You know what you should do?
-What?
Try not to let the monster kill you.
Mix it up a little.
Maybe don't die every time.
Yeah, good advice. I'll have to try that.
-How did you pass this test?
-No cheating.
This is an important superhero
super test for our super squad,
-the Pow Pow Boom Booms.
-Pow Pow Boom Boom!
I know. I really wanna be part of it.
Yeah, you do.
Maybe you don't understand
how badass our crew is.
-I mean, I think it's really badass.
-It's way more badass than that.
You see, it all started
because, well, I'm badass.
Close-up on your hero
Shoot tight, then zoom
Time to stan your highness
All hail Sha-Boom
It's a regular Monday
You're off to work
Your worst moment of the day
Is you get short
Come on, man!
Shortchanged by a clerk
But up here
An octopus thingy hijacked a mall
And he's ten meters tall.
That's pretty tall.
He's real damn tall
I wrap him up in his eight long tents
And squeeze his calamari guts out
It's pretty intense.
The place goes nuts
And they give us it all
Ice cream, light up boots
And a night at the mall
Your worst day is our walk in the park
While we're chasing Nazis after an ark
That's the plot of Indiana Jones.
An incoming asteroid
Is all gloom and doom
That's cute.
That's a weekend in June
For the Pow Pow Boom Booms
That's the name of our crew.
Pow Pow Boom Boom
When we walk into the room
All you monsters
Gonna feel some pain soon
The world may seem all doom and gloom
Till you open up a can
Of Pow Pow Boom Boom
Pow Pow Boom Boom
When we walk into the room
All you monsters
Gonna feel some pain soon
The world may seem all doom and gloom
Till you open up a can
Of Pow Pow Boom Boom
Sounds like you guys
have a really good thing going.
Hey, you wanna know a secret?
She wants to know
if you wanna know a secret.
Yes, I understood the question.
Our crew used to be run
By a chick named Shablam
What a freak
She was all into glam
She loved glitter.
The secret of my super status
How I got the crown
Well, I pushed that freak down
-Wait, that's, like, not good.
-What's not? I missed it.
I always have to get something
when she talks about her secret.
But it's all for the best
It's now running smoother
We're influencers
Got more dough than Lex Luthor
So sing that jam and march to our tune
And get down, get dirty
With the Pow Pow Boom Booms
That's the name of our crew.
Pow Pow Boom Boom
When we walk into the room
All you monsters
Gonna feel some pain soon
The world may seem all doom and gloom
Till you open up a can
Of Pow Pow Boom Boom
Pow Pow Boom Boom
When we walk into the room
All you monsters
Gonna feel some pain soon
The world may seem all doom and gloom
Till you open up a can
Of Pow Pow Boom Boom
Oh, let me take this real quick.
I'll be right back.
-I'm gonna go stretch my body.
-Go stretch it out.
Mom? I can't really talk.
I'm in the middle
of my sinister plan thing.
Yeah, my sinister plan.
It's going really well.
I made up a whole simulation to
expose Fista Puffs to my diminishing ray,
so her powers are diminishing.
Fista Puffs is gonna
turn into Fista Pooped.
Diminishing ray? That's what that was.
She's diminishing my powers.
That power diminisher!
Yes, I had lunch.
I don't know, like a hot dog?
I'm taking care of myself, Mom.
So what if I had that for breakfast? God!
Hot dogs are protein,
and they taste yummy.
I'm gonna diminish ray you.
Nothing! Love you, Mom.
Ninety-three, ninety-four, ninety-five.
You will not believe
what I just heard in the bathroom.
Superheroes
do not discuss bathroom noises.
No. Sha-Boom was
on the phone with her mom.
She's using a diminishing ray on me.
What? Why would her mom do that?
She's so nice.
No! Sha-Boom! She's diminishing my powers.
Look.
You just punched me in the stomach?
-But it didn't hurt that much, right?
-It didn't feel great.
-Let me do it again.
-No!
I knew something was off about
this whole thing.
-Why is she doing this?
-Because I'm a baddie, bad guy. Girl.
Also,
I wouldn't go in the bathroom for a while.
I did something bad in there too.
I've been eating a lot of hot dogs.
Battle!
-Owie.
-Yeah, I bet.
Okay, here comes the hair.
Losing powers.
Strength fading.
Puffs de-puffing.
Give up.
I've had enough of your puffin' stuff.
Sha-Boom! What the hell?
What about the code
of the Pow Pow Boom Booms?
"What about the code
of the Pow Pow Boom Booms?"
I guess my answer to that is--
No, no, no, no. Don't haze me.
Time to get boomed!
I've got you. Getting weaker.
Fista Puffs! I'm sorry.
You were right. She's awful!
You're such a better friend/superhero/
you're super fun to be with.
I can't hold on to her much longer.
Sha-Boom!
Hey, good news.
My dog sitter said Mr. Fuzzy
went poo-poo twice on his walk.
Wait, wait, wait. What's going on?
Be cool. Be cool.
Oh, I didn't like that.
You guys probably shouldn't wrestle
near the simulator control panel.
A lot of buttons.
Yeah, my butt
just pressed all kinds of buttons.
Yep, simulated monsters.
Oh, they're everywhere.
I remember that guy. Hi.
Molly! Dinner!
Let's fill that tum-tum with some yum-yum!
Okay, here I come-come.
Spaghetti. My favorite. My sweet, stringy
make-everything-okay food.
I thought you could use it,
'cause it seems like you had a tough day
on your class trip to the museum.
It was fine. Saw some artifacts.
Learned some "arty-facts."
Best joke ever! Best joke ever!
You're the funniest daughter
I've ever had.
No, no. Well, okay, if you insist.
Whatever you're going through,
I'm not gonna offer any mom advice.
Just tasty, tasty spaghetti.
I'm not gonna make you help
clean up afterwards
'cause you do not need that.
Am I right?
And I'm not gonna fart like usual.
Okay, a little one,
but it doesn't even smell.
You're right.
Can we do anything else for you?
Anything at all?
-Should we bring out the dessert cart?
-We have a dessert cart?
Want me to run through every kid I know
and say why you're more fun?
Do you want all of our meatballs?
Take all of our meatballs.
You're so pretty.
Everything's exactly the way you want it.
What's that supposed to mean?
What?
I'm just saying you're not at all avoiding
what you're really upset about, right?
And that's great.
Even if you were avoiding it,
I'd say that's great too,
'cause you're great.
When problems come a-knocking
And it seems like they are stalking
You pretend like you're not home
'Cause everything is peachy
If you're staying outta reachy
So pretend like no one's home
Oh, knock, knock
No one's home
Nope, nope, no one's home
-Who's there?
-Homework?
Oh, God. Not home.
Sorry, I can't answer
Just a plant, sir
No one's home
I get it.
It's like the time my fish all died,
and I pretended they were alive
because I didn't feel
like cleaning out the tank.
That putrid smell was worth
not having to deal with it.
Memories.
When life gets kinda real
And you just do not feel like dealin'
That's okay 'cause no one's home
-Be a shut-in, be a hermit
-Take your social life and burn it
And pretend that no one's home
-Oh, knock, knock
-On vacation
-Knock, knock
-Wrong location
-Who's there?
-Chores.
No way. Not home.
Sorry, gone forever
Come back never 'cause--
-No one's home
-Nope, no one's home
Go away, ay, no one's home
This feels a little too easy
Maybe I need a dose of reality
Mom, make me feel
Like you unfairly favor Cole
You know that you're my special baby
Hey, Dad.
Let's hear how honeybees are dying
No way, sweetie
They're probably just hiding
Cole, come on, remind me
How I almost killed my boyfriend
When you poisoned him with nuts?
Like a fatal kissing klutz?
I'd say that took guts
And I wanna be you
-This feels weird.
-Feelings?
When your feelings come a-calling
And they're growing and snowballing
-Let 'em know that no one's home
-No one's home
Just turn off all the lights
And cover all the doors with spikes
-They will know that no one's home
-You're not home
Oh, knock, knock
No one's home
Yell out, "Go away"
Put up a sign
That says you're being fumigated
-Bed bugs
-Toxic waste
-Haunted house
-Caution tape
Anything to keep out real life
If you act like no one's home
-Won't you end up all alone?
-No.
Just move your family underground
And live off rabbits that you found
Idle hands make idle minds
So make some friends to pass the time
If folks complain about the stench
Just spray perfume, be like the French
You'll start to miss the outside world
So ask for updates from the squirrels
And that'll keep you going
While the winds of change are blowing
Till you die when no one's home
So that's why we encourage you
To live like no one's home
Nope. None of that feels right.
-Molly, dinner.
-Coming.
Oh, God. Salmon?
-Don't knock it. It's brain food.
-I'd rather eat brain.
I think someone's field trip to the museum
made someone cranky.
-Does someone want to talk about it?
-Please no.
Okay, sure. We'll just sit here quietly.
Nope, I don't like it. Tell us. Tell us.
Fine. But I'll only talk about it if
you promise not to offer any mom advice.
Mom advice? What's mom advice?
Really good advice given for free
by a smart, confident woman?
Is that what the kids are calling
good advice these days?
What about Cole's bro-vice,
which is my special brotherly advice?
Stay in school. Floss.
Don't fill up on bread.
That's actually good advice.
I was looking forward
to going on a trip to the museum.
It "feeled" like it was gonna be fun.
Field. Trip. No?
Anyway, I was hanging out with Hazel,
and we were having a really good time.
And then this girl Hazel knows
from basketball, Shauna, shows up.
She's funny. It was funny.
And I'm funny too.
As you all know, I can make jokes.
-Yeah.
-Right, sure.
-All of a sudden, I'm Mrs. Awkward.
-You? No.
-Awk-weird, maybe?
-And it's not that I was jealous.
I was just casually aware
of how everything Shauna said
made Hazel laugh like an idiot.
-And yes, I was jealous.
-That is tough.
You know what you need?
My salmon skin. Here.
Thank you. You're a bad person.
-You know what this reminds me of?
-Nothing?
Not nothing.
Something that happened in high school.
May I remind you that
you promised no mom advice?
This isn't mom advice.
It's a super-cool story
about something that happened
when I was your age.
I'd like to hear your super-cool story.
-Oh, would you, Father?
-Yes, you all would.
When I was 14,
I went to the amusement park
with a bunch of kids
including Stacey Blankenship.
Mom, you've told us this story
a million times.
No, it's fresh every time.
I really wanted to be friends with her
because she was cool,
which was called "rad" at the time.
Stacey wanted to ride a roller coaster
called Euthanasia,
and I then, therefore, wanted to ride
a roller coaster called Euthanasia.
-Even though
-You throw up on roller coasters.
I throw up on roller coasters. But
But I got on and sat right next to her.
And the ride operator let us go twice
'cause Stacey Blankenship was so cool.
Wasn't that nice of him?
And I held it together until
the second time round on the big drop.
Stacey's mouth was open and
-You threw up in her mouth.
-Yeah, I did.
Oh, boy.
I'm never fully ready for this story.
-You have told us this.
-Yeah.
I need to tell everyone. Often.
I've been to the other side, people.
I've lived the ultimate embarrassment.
I threw up in Stacey Blankenship's mouth.
And she swallowed it.
She swallowed a lot of it.
We did not become friends.
In fact, she never came back to school
because she moved.
But still, it was like I made
her family move with my vomit.
Even though I don't think that's
why they moved, but it might've been.
I still love you, I think.
I always enjoy this story,
because then me pooping on the water slide
isn't such a big deal.
Someone swallowed my throw up.
I got on a roller coaster that I didn't
want to get on to impress a cool girl,
and then someone swallowed my throw up.
Okay. Good. Cool. Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
Cole, thank you for the salmon skin
and the wise words.
Mother, Father, lovely dinner.
I'm gonna excuse myself.
Molly, all I'm trying to say is:
Don't go chasing roller coasters. Right?
She gets it.
Molly went back to her room after dinner.
Her family came up to apologize
for doing and saying everything wrong
in her time of need.
Hiya, babe. Sorry I told the story
I tell all the time again at dinner.
I know sometimes you don't want me
to come at you with all my mom-ness.
-Yeah, it's--
-I mean, your dad was just saying
-how he thought I made some good points.
-I was? I was.
But I can see that I--
Wait a minute. Why am I saying this?
-'Cause I--
-You're not drawing this.
You're drawing that.
Real Molly is drawing all of this.
You're not real Molly.
-Oh, yeah.
-I'm not me.
Someone's drawing me?
I've seen this before.
I took mushrooms in college.
I've written metafiction. I saw that movie
with Will Ferrell and Emma Watson.
-Thompson.
-Thompson. You know what I mean.
We figured you out, Miss Missy.
No, no, no. We're not doing this.
Oh, yes, we are.
I'm not gonna apologize for telling you
that story. It was very relevant.
I agree with that.
I would tell you a story too, Molly,
if I had one that was as horrible as that.
But no one does
'cause it's the most in the world.
-Yeah.
-All right, never mind.
Go back downstairs.
You don't need to apologize. Just go.
-What are you drawing? Fista Puffs?
-Yeah.
-I mean, kind of.
-Oh, don't you start.
Why shouldn't I?
This is almost as weird as the last one.
-What last one?
-The last time you drew me
having a long, extended thing where
I was kissing Kite Boy while we were--
Okay, that's plenty. Thank you.
-Kissing while you were what?
-Nothing. Fighting crime.
You can kiss while you fight.
It's not weird.
Look. I'm drawing now too.
I invented a superhero,
and her name is Feetsa Puffs.
She fights crime with her feet.
I'm gonna draw her dying
over and over trying to kill a monster.
It's not at all 'cause someone
was trying too hard on a field trip.
-She's processing.
-Yeah.
Pretty cool, right?
-Everybody shush, shush!
-I like it. Feetsa Puffs.
-Okay, stop. I'm erasing all of you.
-Wait. Wait. Wait. Whoa. No!
Sorry. I just need to clear my head
and start fresh.
Gotta be unique, but gotta blend in
Hide my inner geek and keep pretending
Gotta keep 'em laughing
Though I'm only half in
Gotta put a show on
Till I know they like me
Gotta be aloof
Make a good impression
Gotta hide the proof
Of my self-expression
Never be revealing, gotta be appealing
Suddenly I'm feeling
Like I'm getting so
-Small
-Breaking into little pieces
-Losing power
-Getting weaker
Gotta do whatever pleases
Till they let me in
So we try to be more than enough
Trying to be strong and tough
Trying to be something we're not
Try to fit a different plot
Proving we're bold
Without causing a fuss
We're trying so hard to be us
Will it ever be enough?
Gotta be unique, but gotta blend in
Hide my inner geek and keep pretending
Gotta keep 'em laughing
Though I'm only half in
Gotta put a show on
Till I know they like me
Like me
Like me, la-like me
But I know there's nobody like me
So we try to be more than enough
Trying to be strong and tough
Try to be something we're not
Try to fit a different plot
Proving we're bold
Without causing a fuss
We're trying too hard to be us
We're already more than enough
In a world
Where no one wears disguises
We would all be free
But being divided is what was decided
So that's how it has to be
But if we try to uncover what's real
I'm already strong and tough
Put down our armor and shield
Gonna fit the plot I've got
And just remember you're never alone
If the back that you've got
Is your own
Gotta be unique, but gotta blend in
Hide my inner geek and keep pretending
Gotta keep 'em laughing
Though I'm only half in
Gotta put a show on
Till I know they like me
No more trying too hard to be me
'Cause that's one thing
It's easy to be
Take the trying away and be free
'Cause it's their turn
To try to see me
I've got a monster to deal with.
Hey, hi. I'm back.
You got a big scary monster, huh?
-Yes! It's in arms and armor!
-I know.
You seem pretty relaxed about it.
Not gonna make a cool, funny comment?
No wordplay?
No. I think I know how to beat this thing.
I was trying too hard before.
How do you not try too hard when
a monster is trying to bite your head off?
Well, you don't race in there
and fight the monster in arms and armor.
-You don't?
-No.
We're in the Met. It's got two-foot-thick
cement walls and solid steel doors.
You don't fight the monster
because you don't have to.
It's already contained.
Isn't there an old man
still in the bathroom?
Yep, there's my guy.
-Oh, good. Hi.
-Hi.
I'm so contained.
Good containing.
-So you got your monster in there.
-Yeah.
But you don't get all obsessed
with fighting your monster
and let it take over your whole life
-and potentially destroy you and stuff?
-Right.
Maybe you could do one pithy zinger
before the simulation ends?
All right. I'll give you one.
That's enter-containment?
That's-- Wait, I don't--
Oh! Oh, it's over. Bye.
-You did it, kid.
-You beat the simulation.
You're in the Pow Pow Boom Booms. Finally.
Now, let's talk secret
Pow Pow Boom Boom handshakes,
which I call
the "Pow Pow Boom Boom Showroom."
And just to be clear,
I'm not the bad guy, right?
No, no, you're fine. That wasn't--
I shouldn't have made you bad.
I mean, she shouldn't. Somebody shouldn't.
-Is that us?
-What? No.
-Why, does that look like us?
-It looks good. I like how I look.
Is that me? Did you make me look weird?
No! No, no. That's-- It's not really you.
-I like that drawing.
-That's 'cause you look good.
-I look like an angry old man.
-No, no. You look okay.
I think we're gonna be drawing that again
'cause I am not an angry old man.
Not yet.
Get dirty
With the Pow Pow Boom Boom
Pow Pow Boom Boom
When we walk into the room
All you monsters
Gonna feel some pain soon
The world may seem all doom and gloom
Till you open up a can
Of Pow Pow Boom Boom
Pow Pow Boom Boom
When we walk into the room
All you monsters
Gonna feel some pain soon
The world may seem all doom and gloom
Till you open up a can
Of Pow Pow Boom Boom
Pow Pow Boom Boom
Pow Pow Boom Boom
When we walk into the room
All you monsters
Gonna feel some pain soon
The world may seem all doom and gloom
Till you open up a can
Of Pow Pow Boom Boom