Clarence US (2014) s02e03 Episode Script
Freedom Cactus
1 I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! Um All right, class, pencils down.
Time's up, Clarence, okay? Come on, turn in your paper.
Hold on I just just one more thing! I mm! Um, I was gonna finish, but I actually didn't have enough time.
That's okay, Clarence.
Just see me after class.
Ooh! - So did I do a good job? - Not exactly.
You've been doodling all over your tests and homework and not answering any of the questions.
Although, some of these drawings are pretty creative.
What's this one here? Oh, that's me if I was a building.
I see.
Well, uh, maybe we could channel some of this creativity.
Oh! How would you like to make a comic, okay, for the school paper? I didn't even know we had a school paper.
Yeah, well, it's not very popular.
Excuse me.
Would you like a Aw.
- But it's but it's okay.
It's fun.
- I'll do it! - Great, I'll just let uhh - Oh, thank you, Miss Baker! I promise I'll never let you down! Wait, Clarence, you still have to take I'm ready for my new job.
Glad to have you on board.
I can do these puzzles in my sleep.
"Gilben beats high schoolers at arm-wrestling"? This is old news! Come on, people, where's the fresh material?! Um, M-Miss Baker said I can be on your guyses' newspaper club.
Whatever.
Here's the rest of the crew.
- Chelsea does puzzles corner - S'up? - Emilio, the gossip column - Hey.
and, Memo I don't know what he does.
Anyway, show me what you got.
Come on, come on, I ain't got all day! Oh, right.
Um, I don't have one yet.
Well, you better get cracking 'cause this paper's going out tomorrow strip or no strip! Aye-aye, Captain Belson, sir! No, no, no! Nah, too long! Huh?! W-Who's there?! That's it! "File.
" "Print.
" Man, come on! Hey, guys, I finished my comic! Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Oh! - Clarence, this is a masterpiece.
- Hee! Give me that! Ain't that funny? ain't that funny? ain't that funny? ain't that funny? ain't that funny? funny, funny ain't that funny? ain't that funny? who could have know they'd be laughing this much my wit's too sharp to touch ain't that funny? funny, funny ain't that funny? ain't that funny? - Extra! Extra! - # who could have known # - Ohh! - # they'd be loving this so # a joke just grows and grows ain't that funny? ain't that funny? ain't that funny? - # ain't that funny? # - Shh, shh! Wait, wait.
ain't that funny, funny? funny, funny, funny, funny I was the clown of gas now I'm so cool I'm clown of the whole dang school ain't that funny? Foreign currency for 500.
Anyone? Breehn? Okay, this currency was used in Greece - before the introduction of the euro.
- What is a Fart cactus! Hey, guys, come on! Whew! Gets me every time.
This comic you've printed is absolutely repulsive! But, Ms.
Shoop, it's just a silly comic.
This little cactus has warmed our hearts with its antics time and time again.
Plus, the school newspaper has never been more popular.
So there.
Bah! It's too crude for the school environment! The parents are gonna complain and blame the teachers! Blame the teachers for what? Encouraging the kids to read? This is not reading! This is junk food! I hope you like calls from angry parents.
Blah! Too easy.
Are you kidding me with this? Come on, where are those cactus crossword puzzles?! I'm working as fast as I can! Hm, looks great, but it needs more gas.
- Clarence! - Oh, coming! Newsroom.
For you, chief.
Let's get some more photos of that cactus! Fellas, let's go! Yup, speaking.
The comic I found in the school paper is just I-I find the whole thing very offensive.
- Offensive? - I'm thinking of going to the media.
C-C-Calm Calm down, madam.
Uh the media? Yes, this filth has ruined my child's brain! Now, hold on.
Let me get your name and Hello? Hello? Here's my latest issue.
What do you think? It's perfect, Clarence.
Good morning, fellow cactians.
Hey, Courtlin.
Enjoying the new issue of "the daily cactus"? - This isn't very funny, Clarence.
- Let me look at that.
"Stay in" Wha that's not what I wrote! This stuff's totally different.
He's supposed to toot! - Well, he ain't now.
- No, wait! Wait, come back! Wait! No, it's different! I promise it's funny.
I-It's a different comic.
That's not my comic.
Just give it a chance.
Remember how it was! I-I'll draw it again! Please, give me your paper.
I'll draw it the right way! You don't understand.
It's a fart cactus! A fart cactus I've I've wronged you, little cactus.
But I can make this right.
Huh? No! Cactus, my muse.
What are we gonna do, cactus? Ow! Ugh! Oh, sorry.
Hey, are you a new kid? Uh, yup! Yeah, uh, new kid.
- Welcome, buddy! - Say, uh, did you do this? Well, yeah, but j-just I just want to make people laugh.
But they changed the joke.
He's supposed to, you know Hm.
One time, I built a bird house.
Neighbors told me birds would never want to live in it.
Told me no bird likes living in a house made of carpet - and paper towels.
- Whoa.
Uh, did you fix it? And that birdhouse still stands to this day.
Listen I saw myself today.
And it wasn't a mirror, no.
It was in a little cactus.
Wow.
Hey, what's your name anywa Are you just gonna stand there and smile smile while they watch you eat a corn dog with no corn on it?! Uh, sure.
- Of course not.
- Yeah, of course not.
Well, that's what they did today! They took the corn off of your cactus! They can't take the corn off my cactus.
So do something about it! Fight for that corn! You're right, hairy new kid! - My cactus has been silent for too long.
- Fight on, little bird.
Attention, attention! People of the cactus, it is I.
Hello.
They thought they could take away our cactus and our corn, but they can't keep us silent no.
Today, we are here as brothers Yeah! and sisters - Yeah! - Solidarity! to let our cactus toot! "Let the cactus fart!" Let the cactus fart! Let the cactus fart! Let the cactus fart! - Believe the dream, little bird.
- Let the cactus fart! What's all that racket? It's the sound of freedom, Shoop.
Hungh! Let the cactus fart! Let the cactus fart! Let the cactus fart! And now, a word from the cactus, who doesn't even have a name.
- Here you go, buddy.
- Thank you.
- O-Ow! - Oh, dear, this is ridiculous.
Uh, Clarence.
Clarence, give me that.
Look, it's amazing to see the initiative all you guys are showing, okay? - But - Bah! This is totally inappropriate! Flatulence is done in the bathroom, in private.
Cacti don't toot! It's a dang plant! The cactus speaks! Uh, yes, Clarence! Yup, uh, you're right.
Exactly.
Uh, cactus do, uh fart.
It was wrong for us to try and ban your comic, you know? - It wasn't hurting anyone and - Uh-huh.
Well, I-It's not always fair to censor things.
Especially when someone else thinks it's not tasteful.
Now, what do you say we all get back to class?! Yeah! Aw Is it true what they say? Did the cactus really pass gas? - Uh, yeah.
- Hm.
- Welcome to the rabbit hole.
- Thank you.
Whoo-hoo! Beautiful.
Time's up, Clarence, okay? Come on, turn in your paper.
Hold on I just just one more thing! I mm! Um, I was gonna finish, but I actually didn't have enough time.
That's okay, Clarence.
Just see me after class.
Ooh! - So did I do a good job? - Not exactly.
You've been doodling all over your tests and homework and not answering any of the questions.
Although, some of these drawings are pretty creative.
What's this one here? Oh, that's me if I was a building.
I see.
Well, uh, maybe we could channel some of this creativity.
Oh! How would you like to make a comic, okay, for the school paper? I didn't even know we had a school paper.
Yeah, well, it's not very popular.
Excuse me.
Would you like a Aw.
- But it's but it's okay.
It's fun.
- I'll do it! - Great, I'll just let uhh - Oh, thank you, Miss Baker! I promise I'll never let you down! Wait, Clarence, you still have to take I'm ready for my new job.
Glad to have you on board.
I can do these puzzles in my sleep.
"Gilben beats high schoolers at arm-wrestling"? This is old news! Come on, people, where's the fresh material?! Um, M-Miss Baker said I can be on your guyses' newspaper club.
Whatever.
Here's the rest of the crew.
- Chelsea does puzzles corner - S'up? - Emilio, the gossip column - Hey.
and, Memo I don't know what he does.
Anyway, show me what you got.
Come on, come on, I ain't got all day! Oh, right.
Um, I don't have one yet.
Well, you better get cracking 'cause this paper's going out tomorrow strip or no strip! Aye-aye, Captain Belson, sir! No, no, no! Nah, too long! Huh?! W-Who's there?! That's it! "File.
" "Print.
" Man, come on! Hey, guys, I finished my comic! Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Oh! - Clarence, this is a masterpiece.
- Hee! Give me that! Ain't that funny? ain't that funny? ain't that funny? ain't that funny? ain't that funny? funny, funny ain't that funny? ain't that funny? who could have know they'd be laughing this much my wit's too sharp to touch ain't that funny? funny, funny ain't that funny? ain't that funny? - Extra! Extra! - # who could have known # - Ohh! - # they'd be loving this so # a joke just grows and grows ain't that funny? ain't that funny? ain't that funny? - # ain't that funny? # - Shh, shh! Wait, wait.
ain't that funny, funny? funny, funny, funny, funny I was the clown of gas now I'm so cool I'm clown of the whole dang school ain't that funny? Foreign currency for 500.
Anyone? Breehn? Okay, this currency was used in Greece - before the introduction of the euro.
- What is a Fart cactus! Hey, guys, come on! Whew! Gets me every time.
This comic you've printed is absolutely repulsive! But, Ms.
Shoop, it's just a silly comic.
This little cactus has warmed our hearts with its antics time and time again.
Plus, the school newspaper has never been more popular.
So there.
Bah! It's too crude for the school environment! The parents are gonna complain and blame the teachers! Blame the teachers for what? Encouraging the kids to read? This is not reading! This is junk food! I hope you like calls from angry parents.
Blah! Too easy.
Are you kidding me with this? Come on, where are those cactus crossword puzzles?! I'm working as fast as I can! Hm, looks great, but it needs more gas.
- Clarence! - Oh, coming! Newsroom.
For you, chief.
Let's get some more photos of that cactus! Fellas, let's go! Yup, speaking.
The comic I found in the school paper is just I-I find the whole thing very offensive.
- Offensive? - I'm thinking of going to the media.
C-C-Calm Calm down, madam.
Uh the media? Yes, this filth has ruined my child's brain! Now, hold on.
Let me get your name and Hello? Hello? Here's my latest issue.
What do you think? It's perfect, Clarence.
Good morning, fellow cactians.
Hey, Courtlin.
Enjoying the new issue of "the daily cactus"? - This isn't very funny, Clarence.
- Let me look at that.
"Stay in" Wha that's not what I wrote! This stuff's totally different.
He's supposed to toot! - Well, he ain't now.
- No, wait! Wait, come back! Wait! No, it's different! I promise it's funny.
I-It's a different comic.
That's not my comic.
Just give it a chance.
Remember how it was! I-I'll draw it again! Please, give me your paper.
I'll draw it the right way! You don't understand.
It's a fart cactus! A fart cactus I've I've wronged you, little cactus.
But I can make this right.
Huh? No! Cactus, my muse.
What are we gonna do, cactus? Ow! Ugh! Oh, sorry.
Hey, are you a new kid? Uh, yup! Yeah, uh, new kid.
- Welcome, buddy! - Say, uh, did you do this? Well, yeah, but j-just I just want to make people laugh.
But they changed the joke.
He's supposed to, you know Hm.
One time, I built a bird house.
Neighbors told me birds would never want to live in it.
Told me no bird likes living in a house made of carpet - and paper towels.
- Whoa.
Uh, did you fix it? And that birdhouse still stands to this day.
Listen I saw myself today.
And it wasn't a mirror, no.
It was in a little cactus.
Wow.
Hey, what's your name anywa Are you just gonna stand there and smile smile while they watch you eat a corn dog with no corn on it?! Uh, sure.
- Of course not.
- Yeah, of course not.
Well, that's what they did today! They took the corn off of your cactus! They can't take the corn off my cactus.
So do something about it! Fight for that corn! You're right, hairy new kid! - My cactus has been silent for too long.
- Fight on, little bird.
Attention, attention! People of the cactus, it is I.
Hello.
They thought they could take away our cactus and our corn, but they can't keep us silent no.
Today, we are here as brothers Yeah! and sisters - Yeah! - Solidarity! to let our cactus toot! "Let the cactus fart!" Let the cactus fart! Let the cactus fart! Let the cactus fart! - Believe the dream, little bird.
- Let the cactus fart! What's all that racket? It's the sound of freedom, Shoop.
Hungh! Let the cactus fart! Let the cactus fart! Let the cactus fart! And now, a word from the cactus, who doesn't even have a name.
- Here you go, buddy.
- Thank you.
- O-Ow! - Oh, dear, this is ridiculous.
Uh, Clarence.
Clarence, give me that.
Look, it's amazing to see the initiative all you guys are showing, okay? - But - Bah! This is totally inappropriate! Flatulence is done in the bathroom, in private.
Cacti don't toot! It's a dang plant! The cactus speaks! Uh, yes, Clarence! Yup, uh, you're right.
Exactly.
Uh, cactus do, uh fart.
It was wrong for us to try and ban your comic, you know? - It wasn't hurting anyone and - Uh-huh.
Well, I-It's not always fair to censor things.
Especially when someone else thinks it's not tasteful.
Now, what do you say we all get back to class?! Yeah! Aw Is it true what they say? Did the cactus really pass gas? - Uh, yeah.
- Hm.
- Welcome to the rabbit hole.
- Thank you.
Whoo-hoo! Beautiful.