Columbo (1971) s02e03 Episode Script

It just seemed like a funny place to make a funeral arrangement.
Well, I guess she would inherit everything he owned.
Why did I have to hear about this on the news? Don't feel bad.
It could've happened to anybody.
He'll make another two million the first year.
It's also my problem to find somebody who might even have a motive to kill Mr.
Wagner.
You looking for somethin'? Columbo, I'm gonna throw you out of here on your ear! I mean, you'll miss the best part.
Hello, everybody, from Los Angeles.
The jam-packed Coliseum on a brilliant sunshiny day.
Welcome to professional football, and, oh, what a game this is going to be, ladies and gentlemen.
Both teams have finished their warm-ups.
Both coaches have finalized their game plans.
And yours truly and an old buddy, that old linebacker Virgil Tower, is here with all the action.
Yes, the final meeting of the season between the local Rockets and the powerful Pioneers.
Good afternoon, Mr.
Hanlon.
Jimmy, isn't it? You should have called the office.
I won't be having any people this afternoon.
Oh, well, I thought maybe Mr.
Wagner might be bringing by some people.
Well, you're new in the organization, kid.
Eric Wagner owns the team, but football's not his game.
Well, would you like a drink, sir? Well, let's see.
There's tomato juice in the icebox.
Yes, sir.
Okay, why don't you get yourself an empty seat, or take your girl to the movies.
I won't need you at all this afternoon.
Thanks, Mr.
Hanlon.
There's plenty of ice in there, sir.
Okay.
You scoot, now.
Yes, sir.
Be able to stop last year's Pro Bowl sensation, Mike Dobbs.
Uh, lock that one on the way out.
Yes, sir.
Looks like somebody's planning to march right on into that Super Bowl.
Let's listen to some music.
Say, you mentioned Dobbs.
There's quite a story about that courageous young man.
His right leg's been broken four times.
Yeah? Eric? Eric, is that you? Uh I'm not sure.
Oh, what a night.
You're not still in bed? Of all the At least you're alone, aren't you? Hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, listen, Paul.
I gotta tell you That That chick that you put me on to? She brought her little sister along.
Well, will you Get yourself out of there and dunk yourself in some coffee.
Get out to the pool.
You hear me? Now, hold it, Hanlon.
I'll do whatever I want.
Kid, this is an emergency.
I stopped by the travel agency and picked up our tickets.
We're on our way to Montreal at 6:30.
We're what? If we move fast enough, I can still pin down that hockey franchise for you.
I've been on the horn to the Canadians What am I gonna do with another sports franchise? Anyway, hockey's for penguins.
You'll make another two million the first year, kid.
I guarantee it.
Who needs it? Look, let's put the money into something constructive.
Now, look.
You just get yourself out of there and haul it to the pool.
Get in and get a workout.
I don't want you daydreaming when we get to Canada.
- I need your signature, kid.
- Hey, look.
Hold it, Hanlon.
I'm gonna fire you one of these days.
Next time you call me "kid," you've had it.
My son, this isn't for me.
I just work here.
It's for your dad, remember? Biggest sports empire in the world.
That's all he ever dreamed of.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Paul.
I don't need to hear that again.
All right.
What's all that noise? Oh, you're at the game.
Sure, kid.
I'm minding your store, as usual.
I'll talk to you later.
Yeah.
Bye.
First meeting between these two teams.
Twenty-nine to 28, Pioneers.
Yeah? I want Rizzo.
This is me.
This is Rizzo, Paul.
Look, the game's just about ready to start.
I've got eyes! Rizzo, I want you up here at halftime.
Oh, yeah? Why? I don't like your game plan.
That's why.
I may make some changes in the second half.
You may make some changes.
Listen, Paul.
Come on.
We settled all this last night.
Last night's last night! Today we gotta win this one! All right.
But I'm not gonna start Ludden, if that's what you're getting at.
You know what the doc said his bad knees.
I don't care about his knees.
What do you think of that? I'm going with the long game.
Use the long game if you have to, as long as it works.
Listen, Paul, who the What do you mean, calling me up like this right before kickoff? Rizzo, I'll call you anytime I feel like it, and get this straight! You can't make up your mind on third down, you call me on the field phone.
I'll make your decisions.
Oh, yes, sir, Mr.
Hanlon, sir.
Mr.
Paul Hanlon.
Yes, sir, ya Who Here.
What's this for? Shove it up the field telephone.
There they were, their backs against the wall on their own 47-yard line.
That's what happened.
Thank you, Virgil, for a brilliant analysis, but that was last time.
Today is another Sunday, fans.
Today, all holds are barred.
Today, we'll find out who's really the best in this division.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, from the Coliseum in Los Angeles, our national anthem.
? Oh, say can you see? # By the dawn's early light # # What so proudly we hailed# # At the twilight's last gleaming # # Whose broad stripes and bright stars# # Through the perilous fight# # O'er the ramparts we watched # # Were so gallantly streaming # # And the rockets' red glare # # The bombs bursting in air # # Gave proof through the night # # That our flag was still there # # O say, does that # # Star-spangled banner# # Yet wave# # O'er the land of the free # # And the home # # Of the brave ## Two weeks ago he made that beautiful game-saving tackle during the last five seconds to put these Rockets right where they oughta be.
And here we go.
Jefferson approaches the ball.
But the Pioneers ride him, and down he goes under a whole host of white shirts.
It'll be first and 1 0 for the Rockets on their own let's make it the 28-yard line.
You notice how fast old Billy Murphy got down there, Tom? I sure did.
He's one of the best on those special teams.
Yeah, we'll be watching him a lot this afternoon, along with Sanduski for the pair of 'em.
All right.
They're out of the huddle.
Sedovich is wide.
First play of the game, fans.
Thirty-eight-yard line.
Rockets 'ball.
Down he goes to the 33-yard line.
You know it.
He didn't even look like he was looking for a receiver.
Loss of five yards.
Second down, 15.
Jones over the ball.
Dunkel barks 'em out.
Snapped to old number 11.
This one's going to be a pass.
Intercepted by number 33.
Oh, he's long gone.
! Down the right sideline.
! Twenty-five, 20, 1 5, 1 0, five.
! Touchdown.
! Mason has him and sacks him.
They bury him.
Four Pioneers all over him this time.
So back Listen, I placed the order for that juice 20 minutes ago.
I, uh I need reviving, man.
All right.
All right.
Hey! Stick in a couple of little half-pints, will you? Travel-size, all right? Drops back.
Rockets need to get on the scoreboard.
It's in the air To the 35.
And he's to the 38.
Sanders at quarterback now.
Drops back.
Rockets need to get on the scoreboard.
It's in the air.
And they wrestle for it, and neither one gets it.
Ball bounces off out into the end zone.
Might be interference.
And it is! On the two-yard line! Hello.
Yeah, Eric.
It's Paul again.
What's the matter? You afraid I'd fall back asleep? No! Hey, kid, I'm sorry.
I was real hard on you.
No, LaVelle has it! just calling to see if you want me to pick you up.
There's no sense in taking two cars to the airport.
Well, you're our leader.
What are you doing now, playing right tackle? Uh, I got the radio on here in the box.
I guess it's a little loud.
Yeah.
So how are my gladiators doing? They're getting murdered.
- Listen, is your head clear yet? - Mmm.
Clear as mud.
I'm out by the pool now.
- But are you in it yet? - Will 20 more laps satisfy you? I told you I'd be ready, didn't I? Now get off my back, Hanlon.
Pick me up at 5:30.
You got that? Hey, mister.
Stop.
! I want an ice cream.
! Please stop.
! Mister, stop.
! Paul.
How'd you get here? What are you doing, wearing that Pioneers 'ball.
Hands off to number 44.
There's a big 63 coming up, and they're both down in the bottom of a pile.
There's not too much time left in this half.
There may be time for a few more plays.
And here they come.
Pioneers break out of the huddle.
Second and seven.
Defense is deep.
They're looking for the pass.
Here's the count.
Ball handed off to number 20.
Hold on.
! There's a fumble.
! Time for the Rockets to make one more attempt to get on that scoreboard before halftime.
It'd be a great psychological boost.
Sanders again at quarterback.
The ball is snapped.
Play action fake, straight up the middle.
Not enough.
A great play, a great call, but it just didn't work.
This first half at the Coliseum in Los Angeles is over.
Well, as suspected today, it's a great first half of football.
As usual, a spectacle down on that playing field here at halftime.
The bands, all the great colors, these youngsters marching.
All right.
Mr.
Hanlon? This large group at the Coliseum certainly enjoying themselves, and they're positive about that first half.
Paul? Take a look at that little girl down there.
If we can get a camera on her.
Uh, take a look at that.
Boy, she's a pretty one.
Huh? Listen, Virg, you've got an eye for the ladies.
We all know that.
Coach.
Yeah? There's nobody answering your field phone.
I've been trying to reach you.
Yes, I know.
So they're trailing by a few points.
I'm still not gonna take a chance, put Ludden in there with his bad knees.
Okay, Rizzo.
Let's skip the whole thing.
I had a couple of plays would have worked better than yours.
Oh, yeah.
But I can't do everybody's job, and I know it.
I'll stick to what we agreed on last night.
You run your team.
Good.
I got bigger fish to fry.
Obviously these men are smelling that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
They're hittin' as if there's no tomorrow.
Rockets' ball.
Break huddle.
New ball game, fans.
This half the Rockets are moving again.
Here's the count.
Snapped to Ransky.
Takes the handoff.
Over here, Lieutenant.
Twists around.
Down at the 45-yard line.
In fact, I don't think he quite made it for that first down.
Did he, Virg? Well, it was a pretty fast whistle.
They've been waiting for you by the pool.
All right.
Here's the play.
Second down, Rockets.
Three yards to go.
Rockets break huddle.
Handoff to Phelps.
Drives straight ahead.
Wait a minute.
Fumbles.
! Uh, I just wanted to hear the end of that play.
I just got here, Sergeant.
The Rockets just can't afford.
Sir, the deputy coroner's all ready to leave.
He needs your okay to remove the body.
Sunday afternoon.
This shouldn't take you long, Lieutenant.
I hope not.
What happened here anyway? The decedent's name is Wagner.
Owns this place.
A delivery boy from the liquor store found him floating in the pool at 2:50 p.
m.
Fished him out, yelled to a neighbor for help.
They couldn't revive him.
Called the police in a big panic.
Lieutenant.
I've got some guests waiting for me at home.
Oh, sorry, Doc.
I got here as fast as I could.
- Where were you? On the golf course? - No.
My wife went bowling, and I was sort of testing out this new hammock, listening to the game.
Then I ran into this Sunday Yeah.
Well, uh, you want to take a look? - You said somebody was in a big panic? - The neighbor.
What'd you say? The neighbor? The neighbor.
Another one of those crucial plays.
Third down, two yards to go.
Loss of blood.
He has severe concussion.
You see that? They make it? Yeah.
What time you think this thing happened, Doc? He's been dead about an hour now.
Let's, uh, put it around 2:30.
Okay.
We go now? Listen, Doc, I'd kind of like to Ball's snapped.
He still drives for it.
One, two.
They're untangling now.
Pretty good game.
Uh, I'd kind of like to know a little bit more about what happened here.
Why? It's a false alarm, Lieutenant.
- How do you know that? - Well, look over there.
From the water that splashed on the decking, he must have been diving.
He slipped on the board, and that contusion would have knocked him unconscious.
A five-yard penalty.
All right, boys.
How do you know it happened on the board? I mean, there's water up around the steps too.
The board, the steps, the bottom of the pool.
What difference does it make? He was knocked out, and he was drowned.
That's all.
I've seen it a dozen times.
That's another big third coming up though.
You're gonna do an autopsy, aren't you? The Rockets need that big play.
We have to, Lieutenant.
It's routine, remember? Or maybe you've forgotten.
I think he may be right, Lieutenant.
Detective there in the house says the same thing.
Well, as long as I'm here, I better see anybody who was in there.
There isn't anybody, Lieutenant, except maybe the delivery boy and the neighbor.
You mean a house like this, there are no servants? Couldn't find any.
Send the detective out.
Yes, sir.
Officer, is there a gardener? Wagner had a party last night, Lieutenant.
- I'm Sergeant Clemens, sir.
- What was that? A party? Pretty good one too, I guess.
See, the neighbor said Wagner's wife is out of town someplace, so maybe Wagner let the servants go for a while, and, uh You know what I mean? - You've read about Eric Wagner, haven't you? - Eric You mean, the one whose father used to own the football That's who this was? Kid still owned it, I think.
Paul Hanlon.
You must have heard of him.
He's the general manager or something.
Yeah.
I was just listening to the game.
Sir, I'd like to release the delivery boy, you know, and the neighbor.
No.
I mean, yes, as soon as you get their statements.
But I want a full team out here.
I want prints and pictures the whole inside of the house.
Oh, and the diving board and the pool coping all around.
Your name is Clemens? I'll leave you in charge of that.
I'll be in touch.
Uh, yes, sir.
But where are you going, sir? To the football game.
Wide left this time.
The handoff to Ransky again.
Blockers in front of him.
Five yards across the 40, the 35.
! And he's down at the 31-yard line.
With that hold on Pensky, of course, they're still way short of the first down.
But here comes that talented toe from Sweden.
Yes, here comes Swenson.
The fans love him.
Fourth down.
His club needs three points, three points to tie.
It's all up to the Swede now.
A 38-yard field goal.
He missed the first try.
Yeah, he missed it, but, by golly, he hasn't missed many this year.
- It's a private box, mister.
- Well, I knocked.
You are Mr.
Paul Hanlon, aren't you? I've seen your pictures in the newspaper.
- I'm busy now.
- It's good.
! The score is tied.
! Tied it up.
Who are you? What do you want? Uh, Lieutenant Columbo, sir.
L.
A.
P.
D.
Police? I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Mr.
Hanlon.
And since we can't locate Mrs.
Wagner Well, Eric Wagner was found dead a little while ago in his swimming pool.
Eric? Sorry, sir.
Oh, no, no.
I just talked to him.
You did? Yeah.
A couple of hours ago, I guess.
I called him from here before the game.
I called him again a little time later.
We're supposed to fly to Montreal tonight, 6:30.
Wait a minute.
I don't get this.
Eric was by the pool.
He was alone, as far as I could tell.
And he's a terrific swimmer.
This looked like a typical accident, sir.
There was this bump on his head.
Anyway, we're trying to locate his wife, and there were no servants in the house.
- There weren't? - No, sir.
It's my understanding, at least from the newspapers, that you're like one of the family.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, Lieutenant.
I'll-I'll come right over.
Shirley's in Acapulco.
She went down about a week ago.
Some kind of charity function.
Whew.
I'll contact her.
I'll talk to her myself.
Thank you.
And don't worry, sir.
I won't bother her with any questions just yet.
- Or you either, for that matter.
- What questions? Oh, well.
It looked like Mr.
Wagner had some kind of a party out there last night.
I don't think that's any concern of yours, Lieutenant, any more than it is mine.
Now, you've done your duty.
That's enough, isn't it? I did wonder about the pool service.
By any chance, you don't happen to know whether they come to the Wagner house on Sundays.
I don't know of any pool service that works on Sunday at all.
Why? Oh, there was just this water around the pool decking.
Well, that's normal for there to be water around a pool, isn't it? Yes, sir.
But not fresh water, no chlorine in it.
So his death was an accident.
There must be some simple explanation.
Well, that's why I said it looked like an accident, sir.
Because if someone had used a hose around there, like to maybe hide something or make it look like Mr.
Wagner was diving Well, that's my problem, sir.
I sure don't want to bother you with that now.
Coach Rizzo? Coach Rizzo? Excuse me.
I'm looking for Mr.
Rizzo.
I'm, uh, Coach Rizzo.
Yeah.
Who are you? Uh Got a minute? Yeah.
Sure.
What can I do for you? My name is Lieutenant Columbo.
I've got some bad news for you, sir.
Eric Wagner drowned this afternoon in his pool by the house.
Eric Huh? Yeah.
Oh.
Oh, no, the Oh, the poor boy.
Sorry to bring you such bad news, sir.
Huh? Like everybody that reads the sports page, I was aware that you were very close to Eric's father when the man was alive, so I figured you'd want to know.
Yes, Lieutenant, what That poor boy.
Never did anything right, of course, you know, according to his father's standards.
The old man always wanted him to be a big-time quarterback.
Professional.
Touchdown.
Rah, rah.
So what happens? Poor kid winds up as a would-be, half-baked swinger type.
Maybe you could fill me in there, sir.
I couldn't help noticing his name pop up in some of these scandal columns.
Was there anything to that? Oh, come on, Lieutenant.
The kid sowed a couple of wild oats, like anybody.
Why are you asking me all these questions? Well, uh I happen to be from Homicide.
Homicide? You just said the boy drowned in the pool.
An accident.
Oh, just routine, sir.
We investigate everything.
Actually, I would have asked Mr.
Hanlon some of these questions, but he's a very busy man and excitable.
Yeah.
Yeah, busy.
Excitable.
This was one of his days.
Dive for the bomb shelters.
What'd you say, sir? I'm sorry, Lieutenant.
That's a bad joke.
I suppose it's his privilege sometimes to You mean Mr.
Hanlon was sort of upset today? Yeah.
Yeah, you could say he was sort of upset.
He called me up on the field from the owner's box up at the top of the stadium, just before the game was about to start.
Chewed me out something awful.
So, halftime, I scooted up there, was gonna give him a piece of my mind.
I get up there, and, well, you know, he was all right.
Everything seemed to be just fine.
Hmm.
Gee, I didn't think we did that good during the first half.
No offense.
Oh.
Uh, I wanted to ask you a question about Mr.
Hanlon.
I've read some of the publicity.
Now, he's very new here with the Rockets, isn't he? No, not that new, really.
He was a P.
R.
man first when he came here.
You know, public relations.
Then about two years ago, when Mr.
Wagner died, well, Eric didn't know anything about running a ball club, so he got Hanlon to come in and take over, run the business for him.
So Hanlon just stepped in? No.
No, he didn't just step in.
Don't go getting any bright ideas, Lieutenant, will you? Look, maybe I'm not the biggest fan of Paul Hanlon, but let me tell you this He's one of the sharpest, shrewdest general managers in this business.
Put this club on its feet.
He got another basketball franchise, built a couple of stadiums.
He made the kid a couple of million dollars, and they were the best of friends.
Really? Yeah.
Really.
And that goes for just about everybody else around here too.
What do you mean by that, sir? What I mean is, you're wasting your time.
Look, I grant you, I don't say Eric was the greatest in many things, but he was a he was an all right kid.
I don't know anybody in the whole world who would want to see him dead.
He's been so busy.
No, he hasn't talked to anyone all day.
No, sir, the funeral arrangements aren't being announced just yet.
Yes, Mr.
Hanlon will make an announcement when it's appropriate.
Thank you, sir.
Pardon.
Excuse me.
Oh, just a minute.
Just leave it right there.
That's fine.
Oh, do I have to sign? Wagner residence.
Hold a moment, please.
I was looking for the housekeeper.
Oh, I'm afraid she's been with Mr.
Hanlon.
She just got here herself and she's quite upset, so I don't think I'm Walter Cannell.
I was Eric Wagner's lawyer.
I was his father's attorney and best friend for about 40 years.
Oh, please, sir.
I am sorry.
You see, I'm new in the office, and, well, I replaced Miss Babcock.
She was only there a couple of days, so I really haven't gotten everybody's names straight yet.
Oh, that's nothing to worry about.
That's all right.
Oh, that's fine.
Right over there.
But, uh, whose office Pardon? The office that you were new in whose office was that? Oh, Mr.
Hanlon's.
Mr.
Hanlon.
Oh.
You can go now.
Thank you.
Oh, no.
I just helped him carry it in, ma'am.
- I'm from the police.
Lieutenant Columbo.
- Oh, uh Wagner residence.
Hold, please.
Well, Mr.
Hanlon said he just wouldn't be able to see you for a while, sir.
No problem.
I don't mind waiting.
Lieutenant, uh, what are you doing here? Well, actually, sir, we've had a little trouble locating Mrs.
Wagner.
We've checked all the hotels in Acapulco.
That so? Of course, Shirley is a bit of a whirling dervish, on every committee there is.
Very social.
Uh, sir? Yes? You don't mind if I ask you a personal question, do you? No.
What'd you pay for those shoes? I think about, uh, $60.
I stepped into some water yesterday.
I ruined mine.
You don't know where I could get a pair that looks like that for around 1 6 or 1 7? Sixteen or 1 7? Sorry.
I-I-I don't really, Lieutenant.
Thank you.
Walter, I didn't know you were here.
You should have come on into the study.
I didn't want to disturb you.
I thought you might be negotiating something.
Uh, this doesn't seem to be the time or the place to air bad grievances between you and me, Walter.
Why didn't you call me this afternoon? Why did I have to hear about this on the news? - I really wasn't sure you were back from Washington.
- Wagner residence.
What? Oh, it's you again, Miss Rokoczy.
Well, wait a minute.
Walter, you shouldn't get yourself into an uproar.
You know that's bad for your ulcer.
Where's Shirley? She's on her way.
I've spoken to her.
Uh, look, I know this must be very unpleasant for you, so Sir, it's a Miss Rokoczy She's called four times.
I can't take any calls now.
She says it's quite urgent.
I told you no calls today.
I don't have time, not till tomorrow.
Got it? Miss Rokoczy, he says he just can't talk to you till tomorrow.
You're gonna have to excuse me.
That's all there is to it.
There's nothing left to be done that needs to be done.
Shirley will be back tomorrow, and that's it.
Lieutenant, it's for you.
I left the number.
Excuse me.
Lieutenant Columbo.
Not a thing, huh? Well, what about the autopsy? I see.
Thank you very much.
Lieutenant, if you need me, I'll be back in my apartment in about two hours.
I've got to finish the funeral arrangements.
I did want to ask you, sir.
You don't mind if I bring another lab crew in here first thing in the morning? - Kind of recheck everything.
- Whatever you want.
So long, Walter.
Sure knows how to take charge, doesn't he? Lieutenant.
What is all this? Autopsy, lab crews.
Well, just part of a routine murder investigation, sir.
Excuse me.
Murder? Will Mr.
David North please report to the Trans Global ticket counter.
Will Mr.
David North please report to the Trans Global ticket counter.
Miss Renee Winnell, please go to the nearest red courtesy telephone.
Miss Renee Winnell, please go to the nearest red courtesy telephone.
Can't talk to you now.
Have to call you back.
Columbo! What are you doing? You following me? Well, sir, it just seemed like a funny place to make a funeral arrangement.
Mr.
Charles Bentley.
Mr.
Charles Bentley.
You know, you sorta caught me by surprise back there.
I mean, making that telephone call right after you told the girl back at the house you didn't have time to talk to anybody.
That's why I was on the phone.
I was calling off a meeting in Montreal for tomorrow.
I forgot about it earlier.
I don't know why.
Well, you have to be terribly upset by everything that's happened.
I can understand that.
Anyway, when you turned off at the airport, naturally I was curious.
All right, Lieutenant.
I am meeting Mrs.
Wagner's plane in just a few minutes.
You know, I kinda thought that's what it might be.
Uh, I just couldn't figure out how she could've gotten here so soon.
I mean, all the way from Acapulco.
You see, we checked the airline flights I chartered a special flight for her.
Boy, you really know how to get things done, sir.
I'm sorry, Lieutenant.
I couldn't tell you about it back at the house, not with all those The last thing in the world that Shirley needs now is any of that bleeding-heart sympathy from Walter Cannell.
I can appreciate that, sir.
And I don't want any of those newspaper people after her either, not till she's had a good night's sleep.
I understand, sir.
You could be a big help to me, sir, if you'll just fill me in with certain details.
You think you could do that? Well, if you can be brief, Lieutenant.
I'll certainly try, sir.
I want to be delicate about this, but, uh, I have wondered about the kind of marriage that the Wagners had.
I mean, in light of the kind of party that Eric threw there last night.
Mr.
Columbo, that boy was like a kid brother to me.
But I couldn't straighten him out.
He was a baby.
He just never grew up.
Shirley understood about that for the better part of a year, I guess.
She was way out of his class.
They both knew it.
They knew it.
Both of them.
But unfortunately, she could never bring herself to break off with him.
Sounds like quite a woman.
She is.
You don't happen to know Well, I guess she would inherit everything he owned, wouldn't she? What the hell is this about, exactly? Why follow me? It's just that things are happening so fast, sir, and I thought maybe you'd wanna be brought up to date.
Like that autopsy report.
I just got it on the phone.
Incidentally, you never asked me about that.
I thought you would.
I guess it slipped your mind.
No, it didn't slip my mind.
There was nothing to ask about because there was nothing new.
Was there? No, sir.
There wasn't.
Lieutenant, you're gonna find this was an accidental death.
And if, God forbid, it's anything else, then it was one of those crazy hippie girls he was mixed up with.
You see, that's another thing I wanted to tell you about, sir.
We located every girl that was at that party.
There are no leads there at all.
Nothing.
So it looks to me like, uh, we're just gonna have to look to someone else.
What does that mean? Well, we turned up a neighbor's kid who reported seeing a Ding-A-Ling ice cream truck in the area around 2:30.
That's just about when Mr.
Wagner would have died.
I don't So what? So, I have to thank my wife, for one.
'Cause she's mad at everybody.
She's even mad at the ice cream man.
"Why does the ice cream truck have to come just before lunch, and just before dinner, ruin the child's appetite?" I have to listen to that.
I hear that three times a week.
You know, that's 1 2 times a month.
Well, anyway, listen, I called the Ding-A-Ling ice cream company.
Turns out they don't have a route before lunch.
They don't have one before dinner.
They don't have one at 2:30.
They don't even work in that area.
So that's what I call a loose end, and it's somethin' I gotta tie up.
Well, I wish you luck.
And the other thing, sir I hope you're not offended by this.
I have to find somebody who will substantiate your story that you were in your box at the football game.
No, Lieutenant, I'm not offended.
That's your job.
Everybody is a suspect.
Isn't that true? Thank you very much.
I'm very happy to hear you say that.
Uh, gee, I thought Mr.
Rizzo could do it for us.
You know? But it turns out that he says he didn't speak to you even once on the field phone during that whole awful first half.
And then you weren't even angry Columbo, I told you, I called Eric from the box just before the game.
I called him again from the box about the end of the first quarter.
Unfortunately, the telephone company's records can't prove that.
That's not my problem, is it? No, sir.
That's my problem.
It's also my problem to find somebody who might even have a motive to kill Mr.
Wagner.
- Paul.
- Yes? Paul! No! It's all right.
Oh, Paul! It's all right.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
I've just been holding it in.
Lieutenant, she's going to be at home.
You won't bother her, will you? You lookin' for somethin'? Hold it right there.
Just raise your hands up.
Wait a minute, Officer.
This isn't what it looks like.
It's all right.
He won't have a gun.
Just get his wallet.
Thank you, sir.
Don't thank me.
Thank that radio over there.
Huh? Well, what do you know? License and everything.
Course I got a license.
My name is Ralph Dobbs.
What do you mean, radio? Well, let me show you.
Don't feel bad.
Could happen to anybody.
You see, some of these bugs have frequency leakage.
You don't put 'em in right, if affects the other electrical systems.
That's what happened to you.
Hey, take it easy, will ya.
Those things are expensive.
Sorry.
Won't happen again.
Anyway, you put it in wrong, that's all.
When they used the telephone, it affected the radio.
I noticed the static.
Don't feel bad I didn't know anything about this myself till I had trouble with my TV when my wife used the hair dryer.
So the electrician, he explained this to me.
Do you find this boring? Then tell me who told you to take out those bugs.
Aw, come on, will ya.
Business is bad enough without Answer the lieutenant.
That's what we caught you in the act of doing.
It's all right, Sergeant.
I got a pretty good idea who might have wanted Eric Wagner spied on.
And I also remember who I told about coming in here with a lab crew.
Paul Hanlon.
Right? Come on, Lieutenant.
You know my client's name is privileged information.
I have a perfect right to keep his identity a secret.
I've got a perfect right to arrest you for breaking and entering, not to mention illegal wiretapping.
So, for the sake of that license of yours, Mr.
Dobbs, who hired you? You know, you're puttin' me on the spot.
I can't give you his name without his permission.
Well, I'm not worried, since I can call you an accessory to a murder.
I know you're gonna help me out.
You're gonna get me that information.
My ball.
My ball.
Throw it! Up, up! All right.
Open up.
Six seasons? Where'd you spend most of the tour? Midwest and the east.
And during the summer we went to Europe.
Europe? I spent a number of years in Where'd you get those shoes? Miller's on Wilshire.
Mr.
Hanlon.
! What's caused Mr.
Hanlon.
! What? Telephone.
Oh, all right.
Cut it from here, guys.
Yes? Yeah.
They did what? Who let 'em in? No, I want that watchman fired! You get in touch with my attorneys and get 'em to meet me over here.
I wanna see 'em at, uh Uh, no, cancel that.
I'll have to call you back.
What is this? My office tells me somebody came in there this morning before dawn with a search warrant.
We didn't touch anything.
Honestly.
I promise.
Mr.
Hanlon! What? You want some more shots with the both of you? Uh, no.
No, not now.
Finish the interview with Mark, and then wrap it up.
I didn't expect to find you here.
I had some trouble locating you because I didn't know you were at a basketball game, you know, the day after Mr.
Wagner's death.
It's not a game.
It's just some pros that live around here, like to work out together, that's all.
Oh, these are professionals? Yes, these are professionals.
That's LeRoy Ellis, Pat Riley, Happy Hairston, Jim McMillan, and that's Keith Ericson and Flynn Robinson.
In two weeks they're all gonna be working for me.
Mark was the first one to sign.
I had to come here to get his signature because he's gonna be gone this afternoon! What are you up to? That's what I came down here to explain, sir.
I came down here to get you because I made a real wrong guess last night.
I think you made a few.
No, I'm talking about the phones in Mr.
Wagner's house.
What about 'em? Mr.
Hanlon, those phones were bugged.
Bugged? Yes, sir.
And I'll admit that for a while I thought you had something to do with it.
So we checked your office, and you know what? Your phones are bugged too.
By the same equipment and by the same man.
My phones? Yes, sir.
Bugged.
So honestly, that's the only reason we went in there.
The other thing, sir, is I came down here to get you because I thought you would like to meet the man who hired the detective.
Yes, I'd like to meet him.
Apparently, they've got tapes of all your conversations for the past two weeks.
Isn't that something? Go ahead.
- My ball, my ball.
- Take it up! Not bad! Well, Walter, you actually hired a private detective, huh? I'm sorry, Hanlon.
That's all I can say.
You're sorry? I think maybe you will be when I report you to the bar association for spying on your own client.
Lieutenant, your man there is my witness.
I'm voluntarily disclosing everything that I paid Dobbs to do.
And when I personally sue you for invasion of privacy Gentlemen, please, I know it's kind of irregular, but Mrs.
Wagner is waiting inside.
I told you to stay away from Mrs.
Wagner! I'm the one who was insistent.
I haven't the slightest idea what Dobbs has on those tapes, but I want everyone to hear everything.
Columbo! Are you in charge of this mess or not? Sir, I'm only trying to solve a murder.
This gentleman was Mr.
Wagner's lawyer and it did seem all right with me.
Why don't we proceed.
Uh, Mr.
Hanlon.
One moment before we go in? What is it? Bad news.
What? You remember I definitely told you about the Ding-A-Ling ice cream truck? The Ding-A-Ling ice cre Yes, you did.
Uh I checked the main office, and, uh I've got it right here.
They told me when I originally called what areas they serviced, and, uh I've got all these papers here Oh, here we are.
And, uh, it turns out that they're in, uh Westwood, Hollywood, Downtown L.
A.
Shows you how stupid I am.
It never occurred to me that Downtown L.
A.
Included the concession at the stadium.
I don't understand.
Well, I'm sorry to say this, sir, but this makes it even more important that we find some way to substantiate your story that you were at the stadium at the time of the crime.
Well, Lieutenant, you may be right.
Let's go inside, shall we? Oh, you're not still in bed.
Of all the At least you're alone, aren't you? Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, listen, Paul, I gotta tell you That That chick that you put me on to, she brought her little sister Stop it! Stop it right there.
Shirley, that's the very sort of thing that I suspected.
Paul Hanlon was egging Eric on.
He was just trying to make trouble between the two of you.
Walter, we have been listening to this for nearly three hours, and that's the very first time there's been the slightest suggestion of anything.
But he said, "That little chick that you put me on to, Paul.
" Didn't you hear him? Shirley, that's why I came back from Washington.
That's the whole reason that I hired Dobbs here.
I wanted evidence to prove to you and Eric how Hanlon had been using him, using you both.
Wait a minute.
Just hold it a second.
I think I've got it.
It took me a minute to connect with the word "chick.
" Eric said that you wanted a new maid.
Do you recall anything about that? Well, he was trying to find you one as a surprise before you got back.
I "put him on to'" the best employment agency that I could find, and that's all.
If he found some girl through that, I Yes.
Of course.
Will you please get this over with.
Certainly, ma'am.
Well, you're our leader.
What are you doing now, playing right tackle? I got the radio on here in the box.
I guess it's a little loud.
So how are my gladiators doing? They're getting murdered.
Listen, is your head clear yet? Clear as mud.
I'm out by the pool now.
Well, are you in it yet? Will 20 more laps satisfy you? I told you I'd be ready, didn't I? Now get off my back, Hanlon.
Pick me up at 5:30.
You got that? Back they go.
That's all there is of that, sir.
There's still a big pile of tapes from Mr.
Hanlon's office phone.
Uh, Sergeant, do you happen to have the time that I made that call? Uh The log on my pickup has it at, uh, 2:29.
If you wanna check with the radio station, they keep a record of those football broadcasts.
And Eric died at 2:30, you said.
Approximately.
Well, Walter, maybe I oughta thank you.
At least you've managed to prove where I was.
And I guess that's another loose end, as you call it, tied up.
You see, Shirley, the lieutenant thinks, I imagine with Walter's help, that I might have killed Eric.
I really don't know what to say to you, Walter, that would tell you how contemptible I think you are.
Shirley, you've got to believe me.
I had these tapes made for your sake.
Look, don't worry, Walter.
I already knew how jealous you were of Mr.
Hanlon's influence.
Now just get out.
All of you, please leave! Mrs.
Wagner, um, there's still a lot of investigating we have to do.
Just go away.
Hello.
Yeah, Eric.
It's Paul again.
What's the matter? You afraid I'd fall back asleep? Lieutenant Sanders back.
Blitz is on.
Won't get away this time.
Scrambling.
Scrambling You wanted to see me? just a minute.
Pick me up at 5:30.
Got that? Been listening to that thing that's the last phone call a hundred times nothin'.
Well, in the last three days I've called your office at least a hundred times.
Listen, about my license I can't operate without it.
Didn't I give you that back? No.
Gee, I'm sorry.
Must have forgotten.
Doesn't it strike you funny? A man's watching a football game, makes a telephone call just when they call pass interference against his own team.
On the two-yard line.
Yeah, I suppose so.
Maybe it can prove he wasn't really there.
In the meantime, I gotta have my equipment.
You see, that's my problem.
I can't prove where Hanlon was.
That's why I'm listening to this.
Trying to hear a sound something that doesn't belong there.
Maybe he made the phone call from someplace else.
You ever think of that? Someplace where there was a radio broadcasting.
Background noises boat whistles, dogs barking, things like that.
- Just can't see - Will you go find yourself another suspect Can't get a Aw, come on, Lieutenant! Cut it out! I gotta have my equipment back.
Listen, by the way, how did you manage to plant those phone bugs in the first place? I didn't.
Well, who did? Come on, Lieutenant.
That would be betraying a trust.
You'd ruin me.
I don't wanna get anybody else in trouble.
All I can tell ya, it wasn't by breaking and entering.
Okay? It wasn't? No.
Then how was it? That's all I can tell you.
I understand.
Listen, about the equipment, I'm sorry to hold you up on that.
It's just I been preoccupied by this case.
What's it worth? Six hundred bucks.
A lot of money.
All right.
I put a girl into Hanlon's office.
She ran an errand to Wagner's house.
It's as simple as that.
A girl? Yeah.
Part-time operator.
I use her all the time.
She likes it for a change.
She have a name? Eve Babcock.
That's all she did.
She's not there anymore.
Why? How do I know why? Hanlon fired her after three days.
Oh.
His secretary.
Babcock? A secretary? Well, that's not her usual line of work.
Lieutenant, my equipment.
Coming! Hi, darling.
Miss Babcock? Don't be so Cincinnati.
My name is Eve.
And don't be embarrassed.
I've been expecting you.
You have? Sure.
Our mutual friend called and told me all about you.
He did? Mm-hmm.
Well, I didn't expect that.
I bet you're starving.
Are you starving? We'll go to dinner at Chasen's.
Apartment 2B? Yes.
Eve Babcock.
Now, will you relax, please? We'll go to the Luau for drinks.
That'll be fun.
Then to Chasen's for dinner.
No, there's a mistake, ma'am.
I hadn't planned on dinner.
Oh.
You hadn't.
All right.
No dinner.
It's all right.
It just would've been nice to know.
You know? I mean, I planned the whole evening.
I had no idea you were pressed for time.
Harry should have told me.
- Who is Harry? - Harry Stevenson.
No, I got your name from, uh Uh, from a Mr.
Dobbs.
Ralph? Oh! Wouldn't you know.
Well, this is really silly.
Look, honey, you should've called before you came up.
I'm busy.
Now, um, what about tomorrow? No, no.
No, not tomorrow.
Thursday.
I'm free Thursday.
Will that do it? Thursday.
Hello, darling.
Miss Babcock? Eve.
! And you're Cincinnati, aren't you? The brokers' convention, right? Uh, my name's Smith.
Okay, Smitty.
Uh, Smitty, this is my cousin.
He was just leaving.
Weren't you, honey? Yeah.
How are you? Fine.
I know a lot of people in Cincinnati.
Incidentally, my name is Lieutenant Columbo.
I'm from the Los Angeles Police Department.
Uh, Miss Babcock, about those stocks, I'll call you.
Nice to have met you, Lieutenant.
Don't ask me any questions.
I'm calling my attorney.
Wait a minute.
No, wait Instead of doing that, do yourself a favor Take this appointment book and put it someplace where I can't see it.
Don't call your attorney, 'cause I'm not here to hurt you.
Now put that away.
I'm investigating the death of Eric Wagner, and I just wanted to ask you a couple of questions.
Why would you want to ask me I already know you planted the phone bugs for Mr.
Dobbs.
I'm not worried about that.
This is what bothers me Why were you fired from that job after only three days? Because, if you don't mind my noticing, you'd be an ornament in any office.
Thank you, Lieutenant.
Perhaps my typing was not good enough.
Who knows? Oh.
Oh.
I thought maybe you got offered a better job.
I really think you should go.
Or maybe somebody offered you more money than Dobbs could.
I mean, Mr.
Hanlon, he doesn't miss much.
And he sure wouldn't miss you.
And I thought that maybe he noticed you planting those phone bugs and he bought you off.
Hey, wait.
Look, just stop this.
Eric Wagner's death was an accident.
Right? Was it not? That's what all the newspapers have said.
You have absolutely no right to come in here and start upsetting me, asking me questions, insinuating things Miss Babcock, you're perfectly right.
I was getting way ahead of myself.
But I know you wanna get something to eat, so I'm gonna run along.
Good night.
Good night.
You know, it just struck me You know when you got upset there? Well, the tiniest little accent came out, and, you know, I got a nephew who married a girl, she's got the same kind of accent.
She's also very pretty.
But she's Hungarian.
Do you have another name besides Babcock? Something more Hungarian? Like Rokoczy? Miss Rokoczy? Well, just a thought.
Enjoy your meal.
Well, good afternoon, sir.
And where would you like to go today? Home.
What? To soak my feet.
They're killin' me.
New pair of shoes.
just exactly what is it you wish, sir? Mr.
Paul Hanlon Did he make a reservation for Sunday for Montreal? Why do you ask? I'm from the police.
My name is Lieutenant Columbo.
Does Mr.
Hanlon usually use this office to make all his travel arrangements? Yes, he does.
Well, would you check on it? The Sunday reservation? I'll have to consult my files.
Speaking of ankles You were speaking of ankles, weren't you? How 'bout those drum majorettes? Is that the game at the Coliseum? Yeah.
The Badgers have the football second down, seven, on their own 24-yard line.
How long's it been on? Just started.
I had tickets for the game.
Didn't even use 'em.
Couldn't enjoy it.
Till I find the answer, I can't think of anything else.
Boy, the number of times I've heard these guys' voices, over and over and over.
Still can't find it.
Yeah, well, sometimes things are difficult to find.
You know what it's like? Like you have hold of half of somethin', and you can't get a hold of the other half.
Yeah, right.
Cinnelli breaks the huddle.
He's going to be wide right.
Here's the count and the snap.
Takes the handoff, fades back to pass.
He goes to Cinnelli, open in the flat.
He's complete to the 34-yard line.
! Sanders at quarterback.
He takes the snap, hands off.
It's that same play again.
Kelly over, right tackle.
It works again.
! Good for five solid No, six yards to the 41-yard line.
! Well, it's sure different than last week, Brother Tom.
These Rockets are movin' today.
! Uh, Mr.
Hanlon? Columbo.
What is it? Sure going great guns today, aren't we? The crowd, they love it.
! I'll tell the coach.
Kind words from a loyal fan are very rare.
This Ding-A-Ling ice cream concession? That's the best in town.
Don't ever change that.
All right, Columbo.
Now, what do you want? Uh, I've got something to show you, sir.
Won't take long.
Oh, those shoes feel better.
Oy.
They were giving me a lot of trouble earlier.
Columbo, I'm trying to watch this game! What is it? You know, you did the same thing the first time I came in here.
Last Sunday.
I guess that's what started me wondering.
- I did what? - You turned the radio down, but not quite off.
When I told you that Eric Wagner was dead.
It's all right.
I do the same thing.
When I'm listening to the game and my wife interrupts, I can't help myself.
I wanna hear that game, and I don't care how important the interruption.
Your wife has my sympathy.
However when I told you about the fresh water on the decking, when I told you that Eric Wagner might have been murdered, you know what you did? You turned the radio completely off.
Well, I thought I struck a chord or something.
No, Columbo, you struck out.
Now, will you please go find somebody else to pester? I won't take long, sir.
Actually, I just came here to talk about Miss Rokoczy.
Who? You know, Miss Babcock.
That was the lady that kept trying to call you at the house.
Then later on you phoned her from the airport.
What are you talking about? You did try to call her, didn't you? I mean, you wanted to tell her to be quiet about something.
I don't even know anybody named Rog Rek Whatever it is.
Well, I spoke to her last night.
You see, when I saw the type of woman that she was, it suddenly occurred to me why you were in such a hurry to rush out of that house and get to an outside phone.
And the only reason that could have been was because you already knew that the phones in that house were bugged.
- You did know, didn't you? - Wait a minute.
Wait, wait.
You don't seriously expect me to tell you anything now? I don't expect you to admit anything, sir.
"Admit.
" But you see, when I saw the type of lady that she was and that she liked to have her bread buttered on both sides, well, she practically admitted it.
I don't believe you.
You're really somethin'.
And I'm sure Miss Rokoczy's gonna do a lot more talking when she knows that this is really a murder.
- And it really is, sir.
This is a murder case.
There is no question about it.
- Oh.
Look.
He did it again.
I guess you just can't help yourself.
Columbo, I'm gonna throw you out of here on your ear! I wouldn't do that, sir.
I mean, you'll miss the best part.
You see, I'm not finished.
The point is this.
Uh Yeah.
You see, the point is this If you knew that house was bugged, then you also knew that you could use those phones to set up your perfect alibi.
Mmm.
What you want to call an alibi is the truth.
Jesus, why can't you get that? I knew I had to break that alibi.
They're on the 1 0, sir.
Yeah, I knew until I'd broken that alibi none of these other things would mean much.
But now Look.
They scored a touchdown.
"But now" what? You don't mind listening to last week's game again, do you, sir? Why? Well, just by coincidence, happens to be exactly the same time that you made that second phone call to Eric.
Number 45.
Here we go.
Pioneers back in their huddle.
Exactly 2:29.
Just a minute or two before he was murdered.
You know, I listened to this thing over and over again, figuring maybe I'd hear something that shouldn't be there, some sound that shouldn't be there an ambulance or a fire truck, like if you were in a phone booth, something.
But you didn't because it isn't there.
I made the call from this booth, from that phone.
Hey, kid, I'm sorry.
I was a little hard on you.
Then it suddenly occurred to me.
Whap! I had it backwards.
What are you doing now, playing right tackle? Maybe it was a sound that should be there and wasn't.
So how are my gladiators doing? Like what? Something right in front of us.
Is your head clear yet? What kind of sound? Oh Shh.
I'm out by the pool.
But are you in it yet? Will 20 more laps satisfy you? I told you I'd be ready, didn't I? Now, get off my back, Hanlon.
Pick me up at 5:30.
You got that?