Comic Book Men s02e03 Episode Script

When I was younger, third grade, I thought that when you listened to the radio, The bands were actually in there That's a side of him we rarely ever get to see, naive bry.
-That's cute, isn't it? - Yeah.
Doesn't suit you right now, but still So used to broken, damaged but I also thought that when I got older, the way I wanted to die Was in a horror movie.
Because I thought that the people actually died.
I was like, if you can choose a way to die, I guess that's what I'll do.
Like, I'll volunteer for a horror movie.
You thought the story was fake Yeah.
You just thought the actors I thought the deaths were real, yeah.
So snuff films were pretty much a hollywood institution.
Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Comic Book Men, the only show That thinks Aunt May is a total milf.
I'm your host Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
So what's been going on this week? Sometimes, you know, at the Stash, You get those customers that come in That send a shiver down your spine.
Hey, guys.
How ya doin'? What do you got? Okay, I have a Star Trek book in blue prints, from 1975.
I'm definitely a Star Wars guy.
I never could get into Star Trek.
See, this is too much effort, man.
If you were to design your own Trek uniform - Mm-hmm.
- This is all the information You need to make your own Star Trek female uniform.
Well, I'm not really a Star Trek fan - No? - But my dad was.
He passed away about ten years ago, So I'm looking to get rid of it.
So you've had 'em for this long.
Why you lookin' to move 'em now? Some unusual circumstances in the house, Some, like, noises and weird shadows, So, um, I'm kind of thinking maybe it has something to do With some of his collections being hidden, In someone's hands who would appreciate it.
- Wait a minute.
- I know.
She's trying to pass the curse on to you.
You deal with the most interesting customers, man.
I go to the food store.
I buy stuff.
And I believe that I have a connection.
" I find it strange.
A loved one passes on.
- Yeah.
- You have something That connects them to your world Where they come back to visit you.
Wait a second: You're telling me that your dad passed on, and you think he's haunting you.
- He's haunting me.
- To get you to sell this stuff.
To sell these items.
After my dad passed away and these things were happening, I started my own paranormal investigation group, So you're a modern day Ghostbuster? You could say that.
- Oh, we've experienced orbs.
- Orbs? And shaking, and-- That's always going on at my house.
All right, so you're lookin' to move these today, huh? Yeah, I'm lookin' to get about $50 for it.
I'll give you 10 bucks for the lot.
What about halfway and do $20? How 'bout $15? $15.
- I could do $15.
- $15? - Yeah.
- All right.
This store is clean.
Did you ever experience anything in the store? Um, there was a time a couple years ago.
I had locked the store, and I had went home, And I realized I'd forgotten my phone, So I had to come back to the Stash, Down in the basement.
There's a wall downstairs that has these signatures From hundreds of years ago.
Oddly enough, my phone was right next to some of those bricks On a box, and when I went to grab it, though, I heard this weird voice Kind of, like, gurgle out my name.
Whoa! And that's when I got the hell Outta there.
Is that weird? Yeah, I'd say so.
Would you have any interest in giving the store, A once over with your equipment.
I actually have some in my car right now.
- Really? - I can go downstairs - And check it out.
- Awesome.
I'm with you 100%, 'cause I'm a firm believer In the afterlife.
What about you, mike, man? - Do you believe in the afterlife? - I'm a firm believer.
Has, like, made fun of me for, - But I saw a rocking chair rock.
- Out of nowhere? It was just sittin' there still and then all of a sudden, - It rocked? - Started to rock.
Aw, that--I got-- my hair goes up.
- No way.
- Why not? He was with a bunch of boy scouts, right? Yeah, I was past it.
It still kept rocking.
He happened to look over.
- "Ooh, it's rocking.
" - "Oh, a ghost.
" You're, like, Scully and Mulder, 'cause you're, like, "Hey, man, I had a real paranormal experience," And somebody's like, "So did I," and you "[bleep.]
.
" - Is this the basement? - Yeah.
There's definitely something going on down here.
- What does that do? - That's an emf meter.
This detects spirits that might linger.
I love you.
All right, go, man, you creep.
Back? Yeah, keep goin'.
This is pretty creepy down here.
A little bit further.
I was right over here, And you see some of the signatures on the wall.
All right, so we've got enough, right? Whoa, let's ask a few questions.
If there is an entity down in this basement, Give us a sign.
- Jesus! - What was that? - Did you hear that? - We should go back up now.
We got some t-cats.
Both: Thundercats, thundercats, ho-o-o! - Jesus! - What was that? Did you hear that? All right, maybe we should go back up now.
Will you please give us a sign? Whoa.
That's the strongest reading I've seen yet.
There's no electronics in these boxes, or-- - Paper.
- Paper.
See, paper would not set this off.
Look at how intense that is.
- So what do you think? - The spirit or entity Just wants to enjoy some of these comic books And whatever other items you have down here.
Minute.
He's readin'? - He might be.
- He's been down here Readin' on my dime? It could've explained why you were getting These strange frequencies from the boxes.
As long as he stays down here, And he doesn't bother the customers, I'm fine with him, you know, readin' as much - As he wants down here.
- Let it be.
Could you relay a message to the ghost - Sure.
- From me to him? Tell him if he don't start none, There won't be none.
Ahh! I just wanted to scare The [bleep.]
out of you.
How 'bout this? Hey, how ya doin'? Doin' well.
How 'bout yourself? Pretty good.
What can we do for you today? Lookin' to transcend my Thundercats collection or a part of it, anyway.
I would like someone else to be able to enjoy it As much as I did as a young boy.
Okay, all right, let's see what you got.
Okay, we're not going to address The rainbow suspenders.
Are we not gonna ask? I didn't command nearly the respect That I'm assuming you do.
All right.
Got some T-Cats.
- That's Lion-O, right? - Yes.
- Who's this dude? - That's Mumm-Ra.
- Oh, that's the villain? - That's the biggest bad dude.
This is the Darth Vader of the Thundercats.
- Yeah.
- What are you Between $500 and $1,000.
Loose figures goin' for that much? What do you think, Ming? Loose figures are tough, man.
- Yeah.
- It's like driving a new car Off the lot-- and once you hit that street, - The value is gone.
- I totally concur, But I know goin' down the street to Mexico, This is the wrapper for mexico.
This is mint on card in Mexico? That's mint on card in Mexico.
A collector prefers to think of action figures As inaction figures.
It's presumably still On a package and will never be removed From that package, so the distinction Has to be made of "these were loose figures.
" I think it's more of a headache for me.
- How do I display this? - And also, it helps if you're gonna sell it as a loose figure to be Like, "Oh, I know everything about the Thundercats" But you're pretty Thundercats ignorant.
I know Lion-O.
I know Panthro.
I know there's a little, cute furry creature that they-- - Like a pet? - Mingo? I could probably sell a Lion-O And, uh, Mumm-Ra, right, uh, as a set.
- $35.
- Nah, I can't do any less Than-- $75.
No way.
Not a chance.
How 'bout $50? I say $75.
You say $30, $35.
How 'bout we meet in the middle? $45? - I can do $45.
- All right, man.
- You got a deal.
- Thank you.
- Oh, I got a cat--I got a-- - Thundercats Ho-oo-oo! Thundercats! - Thundercats - Thundercats Both: Thundercats, ho-oo-oo! He's got it down pat, guys.
Good luck with the rest of these.
Thank you Kinda embarrassed myself, didn't I, When I tried to-- the "Thundercats, ho" - In front of that dude? - Pretty halfhearted, man.
Well, tell me how to do it.
Show me how to do it again.
All you do is raise a sword, man.
Thundercats.
No.
Just pretend, man.
Come on, man, I'll give you this.
That's what pretending is.
We gotta--we gotta have props.
All right, there you go.
There's a little-- - This is my Thundercats sword? - Yeah.
- You say that three times.
- Okay, ready? Thunder.
Both: Thunder.
Thundercats, ho-o-o! Like that.
- Can you do that? - [bleep.]
.
I've seen some of the loose figures - Go for a lot less.
- Then go find one.
Let's all go out to the pine barrens tonight And hunt for the Jersey Devil.
G.
I.
Joe, Thundercats-- That was kind of what followed me.
My era was probably the Super Friends, Or my favorite iteration, man, The Legion of Doom.
- Yeah.
- Their greatest villains.
How bad-ass was that headquarters.
That rose out of a swamp? The Legion headquarters Looked like Darth Vader's face over and over and over again, So basically, they took what was already cool, And that's what they lived in, and you were Like, "I wanna be evil!" What was your favorite cartoon? Josie and the Pussycats-- in Outer Space, though.
- Really? - I was always transfixed By, like, how evil and how weird these space villains were - Right.
- And in the middle of the show, They interject this kind of, like, you know, - Catchy little tune.
- I was waitin' for, like, "Aw, the herculoids.
Aw, this--some of this," But you're like, "You know what my favorite cartoon is?" The Spice Girls in Space.
- How you guys doin'? - All right.
- Happy reading.
- Thank you.
As a comic book collector, you prefer collecting single issues Or just wait for the omnibus, now? I gotta have the single issues.
I've been trained that way, you know? - He's wrong.
- Why is he wrong? 'cause if you compare it to like, say, - A tv series, right? - Right.
So to wait month to month? That's too much.
What are you doing instead that you can't wait? Look, that's all I'm doing Is waiting.
- 'scuse me gentlemen.
- How you doin'? Uh, can I take a look at somethin' in the case over here? - Uh, the Thundercat figures? - Ming, can you help the man out - With the Thundercat figures? - Yeah, no problem.
I'm gonna walk these up for you.
- You into this stuff? - Oh, I certainly am.
Yeah.
We just acquired these, so you're pretty lucky - To come in today.
- How long have you been Into these? It's like they've been out Pretty much since preschool.
- Like, how old are you? - I am 27.
- Stop interrogating him.
- I'm just curious.
I don't let many people do this, But tjm gonna let you wear my ring.
Yeah, um, what are you lookin' to sell them for? Lion-O, $75.
Mumm-ra, $50.
- Really? - Yeah.
I've seen some of the loose figures Go for a lot less, and they're still - In fairly decent working order.
- Okay.
I'd probably do about $30 for Lion-O, maybe.
- How much for Mumm-Ra? - I think about $30.
Yeah, I--I don't think I can do that low.
I could do $75 for the pair.
$70.
Then go find one.
- Come on.
- You know as Lion-O might say, "Give me sight beyond sight, ho-o-o.
" - That was weak, dude.
- That was weak? Ho-o-o! There we go.
All right, how 'bout $72? Best I can do.
All right.
Package these up for the man, Ming.
- Excellent decision.
- $72.
Thank you.
All right.
- Thank you, gentlemen.
- Have a great day.
Thanks, man.
This guy missed his time and place, man.
You would've been awesome in the spanish inquisition.
"What did you watch?" I just thought it was weird.
He looked so young.
It's like, "How can you be into Thundercats?" If somebody told me you were 18, 19 years old, - I'd believe it.
- What Earth does he look - 19 years old on? - He's got those crow's-feet.
He's got a receding hairline.
The little gobble-gobble - Is starting to form.
- Lookin' at me Like I'm Sharon Stone or somethin', man.
Hey, guys.
What are you drawin', monsters? - Little monsters.
- Wow, that's great, dude.
It's really good.
I'm actually going - Oh yeah? - Yeah, vampire tales, - Uh, zombie-- - If it's a monster, I'm there.
I'll read any monster comic, Even real world monsters like Bigfoot, The Loch Ness monster, the Jersey Devil.
You've heard of the Jersey Devil.
The first person that told me the legend Of the Jersey Devil was Mr.
Flanagan himself, Set it up.
Go ahead.
Let's go back to the 1700s.
South Jersey.
There's a woman with 12 children.
Half of her life was taking care of these brats.
And there's rumors that she may have been A black witch, and, um, they have a 13th child, And while she's in labor, she curses this child And said, "if I must have this child To be a devil.
" A beastly demon popped out And scurried up the chimney out Into the new Jersey forest land, and grew up Devouring human flesh.
To make them go to sleep.
I saw the Jersey Devil.
I never told you about it? Yes, you did tell me about that one.
- Did I told you about it? - Mm-hmm.
- You wanna hear it again? Both: No.
- You saw the Jersey Devil.
- I sure did.
My wife and I were driving one morning At like, 4:00 a.
M.
Foggy, misty, We're goin' out, and this thing Just flew across the road, and I could just see The back end of it had 7-foot wingspans, And I swear it made the sound that was like Don't believe me.
Go out into the woods - And look for yourself.
- Well, let's all go out there.
Let's all go out to the pine barrens tonight - And hunt for the Jersey Devil.
- I'm not goin' back out.
I-I--once is enough.
Well, how 'bout you, Mr.
Big nuts? You wanna go out there tonight? - Tonight.
- Tonight.
- Tonight.
- Stop repeating - Everything I say.
- Tonight.
- Tonight at midnight.
- I'm just making sure-- - Yes or no? - Yes! Yes.
'cause you'll turn 'em into a $500 diaper.
Fffppp! There's nothing out there.
Capisce? What the hell was that? Do you buy the legend of the Jersey Devil? You tell it very well, but do you believe it - For a second? - I think there could be.
Snooki.
So, um, we're out there in the woods, You know I don't believe in the Jersey Devil.
Worried about what really does exist out here.
Are there any bears out here? Poisonous snakes? Use that thermal vision, bro.
I didn't bring it out here for you to hold it out - On your side the whole night.
- All right, hold on.
That thing will pick up anything that gives off heat.
I want you to light up this forest And bag us a devil.
I think it's just us out here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What was that? Gettin' caught on stickers.
Whoa! Fresh droppings? Holy crap.
Look at the size of it.
Is it hot, Ming? Stick your finger in it.
I see it on tv all the time.
It's what these guys do just get a little taste of it.
Come on, let's keep going.
I didn't come out here To look at [bleep.]
You have no sense of wonderment, Ming.
Can't believe you dragged me out here.
What the hell was that? Could've been a deer.
Could've been an owl.
Did that sound like a deer to you? How much deer do you spend your time around To know what it even sounds like? - Oh, look at his face.
- Shut up.
- Well, what do you think? - I can't believe You dragged me out here.
This is stupid.
You wanna keep goin', or you wanna go home? - Let's keep goin'.
- Yeah, lead the way.
What the hell was that? What the hell was that? - What was that? - I don't know.
Guys, this isn't funny anymore.
I wasn't scared.
- Bullcrap.
- We got it on video.
Why are you maintaining that you weren't scared? I wasn't scared.
What are you gonna do with that? I know, don't knock your own teeth out with it.
Seriously.
I don't see anything.
Ruhruhhr Oh--oh, my God! The hell? It may have been one of the greatest moments of my life.
I mean, it was It was magical.
Rob Bruce was awesome.
He went to such lengths.
I mean, he rolled around in dung To give the odor, so when he jumped on Ming, You know, he smelled like an animal.
Yeah.
Instead of giving you Affleck, he gave you Damon.
- It's not funny! - Rob, you okay? What do you mean, it's not funny? Well, not funny for Rob.
I'm not rubbin' those for ya.
- It wasn't funny.
- Come on.
- It wasn't funny.
- How awesome was that? - It wasn't awesome.
- You should've seen your face! It was probably the scariest thing I ever saw.
You were really scared, like, literally scared? Horns--it was crazy.
That sound you were doin', Uh, that scream you were makin'? - That was awesome.
- What scream? - It wasn't you screaming? - Mm-mm.
Get outta here.
Ruhruhruhruhruhruh! Well, I'll just take an apology - For calling us morons.
- Hey, what am I Apologizing for? We didn't--we didn't see it.
What was that? And that is gonna wrap it up for another episode Of comic Book Men.
I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Remember: They would've gotten away with it If it weren't for them Meddlin' Kids.
Good night, folks.