Cow and Chicken (1997) s02e03 Episode Script
Pirate Lessons
1
Mama had a chicken. ♪
Mama had a cow. ♪
Dad was proud, he didn't care how. ♪
Cow! ♪
Chicken! ♪
Cow and Chicken! ♪
- There's the door.
- Do, I get it? No!
Hello.
What can we do for you, good fellah?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
It is what I can do for you.
And what might that be?
Well, I am a
carpet cleaner.
Yes, that's it.
I will get rid of those filthy barnyard animals
littering your rug.
Those are our children!
Children? Oh yes, of course.
Well then, I'm an a piano teacher.
I'll teach them to pian-a-nize.
Be be-in-a-nellie.
We don't own a piano, I'm afraid.
Piano? Did I say piano?
Oh, well, I meant but, be
Pirate!
Arrr, Mateys!
I have come to teach
your children to be pirates!
Well! Why didn't you say so before?
Yeah!
We've always wanted Cow and Chicken
to try out the pirate life.
That's how I met their Mom.
Where do we sign?
Hey, kids? You're going to Pirate School.
Avast ye, lubber!
Poop-to, and swab that Rickenbacher!
Aye-Aye, Captain Butz Pirate.
How blows it, Figure Head?
Oh, not good, Captain Butz Pirate.
Not good?
All right, hold everything.
Fall in, ye lubbers!
Yo-ho-ho, you worthless bilge buckets.
You'll never become pirates at this rate!
Let's practice pirate jargon, shall we?
Repeat after me.
With feeling, ladies!
By George, I think you've got it!
The first order of business
on any pirate ship
is to hoist the Jolly Roger
Haul away, men!
Hey-hey-hoo-hoo, I am jolly roger. ♪
Hee-hee-hoo-hoo, I'll be a flag for you! ♪
Avast ye wenches! Knit them eye patches.
Drop it, girl!
Twist and drop, like a girl!
Well done!
Peg leg carving class. Walk this way.
Carve them peg legs, you belly biters!
Display legs!
Give me that!
Fetching.
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of milk!
Buried Treasure Class!
That's deep enough, men.
Now, bury that treasure!
Can we stop for lunch now,
Captain Butz Pirate?
Stop for lunch?
You haven't completed
the buried treasure course yet.
Oh, yeah?
Well, what more do we have to do?
After you've buried the treasure,
you've got to find the buried treasure!
It's right there!
Oh, yes! Well, you pass!
Make fast the slows. Aweigh all anchors!
Avast the sails, peg boy!
Saling, sailing, sailing fairy princess.
Avast, Mateys! Pillage that bait shop!
Boy!
What do we do with them now, Captain?
Hold them for ransom.
I do not want to hold them at all.
Me, either!
I will. Never, never, never
turn you women into pirates
with that panty waist attitude!
All right, okay,
I'll give you gals one more shot.
Board that ship, ye swarthies!
Tickle the women
and hurl the men overboard.
Go on! Plunder!
Oh, but that is Flem and Earl.
They are our friends.
Friends?
A pirate has no friends!
I'll show you friendship.
Say "cheese"!
That wasn't very nice!
You can't talk
to Captain Butz Pirate like that!
I'll keel haul the both of you!
Come on, Cow! We're mutanizin'!
Men? Don't do anything I'll regret.
Captain Butz Pirate isn't happy about this!
Oh, well! That wasn't so bad.
Pond shark! This is bad!
Say, can I interest you
in some pirate lessons?
The position of peg boy is open.
All right, Cow Crew! This ship is ours!
Our ship now! Our ship now!
I never liked Captain Butz Pirate
duh, anyhow!
Oh, I'll get it, Momma. No, let me.
Ar-kansas! Ar-kansas! ♪
That's where I are to be! ♪
Hello, Dad?
I think we're gonna need you
to send us some bus fare.
Ahoy, Momma!
I think our pirates are ready to come home.
Matey!
Dad? About that bus fare?
Never mind.
Mama had a chicken. ♪
Mama had a cow. ♪
Dad was proud, he didn't care how. ♪
Cow! ♪
Chicken! ♪
Cow and Chicken! ♪
- There's the door.
- Do, I get it? No!
Hello.
What can we do for you, good fellah?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
It is what I can do for you.
And what might that be?
Well, I am a
carpet cleaner.
Yes, that's it.
I will get rid of those filthy barnyard animals
littering your rug.
Those are our children!
Children? Oh yes, of course.
Well then, I'm an a piano teacher.
I'll teach them to pian-a-nize.
Be be-in-a-nellie.
We don't own a piano, I'm afraid.
Piano? Did I say piano?
Oh, well, I meant but, be
Pirate!
Arrr, Mateys!
I have come to teach
your children to be pirates!
Well! Why didn't you say so before?
Yeah!
We've always wanted Cow and Chicken
to try out the pirate life.
That's how I met their Mom.
Where do we sign?
Hey, kids? You're going to Pirate School.
Avast ye, lubber!
Poop-to, and swab that Rickenbacher!
Aye-Aye, Captain Butz Pirate.
How blows it, Figure Head?
Oh, not good, Captain Butz Pirate.
Not good?
All right, hold everything.
Fall in, ye lubbers!
Yo-ho-ho, you worthless bilge buckets.
You'll never become pirates at this rate!
Let's practice pirate jargon, shall we?
Repeat after me.
With feeling, ladies!
By George, I think you've got it!
The first order of business
on any pirate ship
is to hoist the Jolly Roger
Haul away, men!
Hey-hey-hoo-hoo, I am jolly roger. ♪
Hee-hee-hoo-hoo, I'll be a flag for you! ♪
Avast ye wenches! Knit them eye patches.
Drop it, girl!
Twist and drop, like a girl!
Well done!
Peg leg carving class. Walk this way.
Carve them peg legs, you belly biters!
Display legs!
Give me that!
Fetching.
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of milk!
Buried Treasure Class!
That's deep enough, men.
Now, bury that treasure!
Can we stop for lunch now,
Captain Butz Pirate?
Stop for lunch?
You haven't completed
the buried treasure course yet.
Oh, yeah?
Well, what more do we have to do?
After you've buried the treasure,
you've got to find the buried treasure!
It's right there!
Oh, yes! Well, you pass!
Make fast the slows. Aweigh all anchors!
Avast the sails, peg boy!
Saling, sailing, sailing fairy princess.
Avast, Mateys! Pillage that bait shop!
Boy!
What do we do with them now, Captain?
Hold them for ransom.
I do not want to hold them at all.
Me, either!
I will. Never, never, never
turn you women into pirates
with that panty waist attitude!
All right, okay,
I'll give you gals one more shot.
Board that ship, ye swarthies!
Tickle the women
and hurl the men overboard.
Go on! Plunder!
Oh, but that is Flem and Earl.
They are our friends.
Friends?
A pirate has no friends!
I'll show you friendship.
Say "cheese"!
That wasn't very nice!
You can't talk
to Captain Butz Pirate like that!
I'll keel haul the both of you!
Come on, Cow! We're mutanizin'!
Men? Don't do anything I'll regret.
Captain Butz Pirate isn't happy about this!
Oh, well! That wasn't so bad.
Pond shark! This is bad!
Say, can I interest you
in some pirate lessons?
The position of peg boy is open.
All right, Cow Crew! This ship is ours!
Our ship now! Our ship now!
I never liked Captain Butz Pirate
duh, anyhow!
Oh, I'll get it, Momma. No, let me.
Ar-kansas! Ar-kansas! ♪
That's where I are to be! ♪
Hello, Dad?
I think we're gonna need you
to send us some bus fare.
Ahoy, Momma!
I think our pirates are ready to come home.
Matey!
Dad? About that bus fare?
Never mind.