Doc Martin (2004) s02e03 Episode Script

(Man on radio) Don't just think outside the box.
Go to the roof on your personal ideas factory, and throw the box over the (Heavy metal music) (Woman) past the hour.
Coming up now, ten top tips for basket-weaving.
(Handel: Hallelujah Chorus) Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! (Horn blares) (Horn toots) (Birdsong) Uh! Hello, Doc.
Oh! - You found a sofa there? - Some idiot left it in the road.
- Huh! - Give us a hand.
- You been to see your Auntie Joan? - Help me, Bert.
A man like you shouldn't be interested in a broken-down sofa.
- Help me move it.
- I'm not surprised it was dumped here.
I knew a man once who caught a disease off a sofa like this.
- Oh, really? Enjoy yourself.
- Mm.
(Engine sputters) Bye.
Proper job.
(Seagulls cry) - Where's the receptionist? - (Mumbles) - Mid-twenties.
Cheap-looking.
- (Mouths) Oh.
Thank you.
(Grunting) (Smooching) No! No, no, no, no! Whoa! What the hell's going on? She - Well, I just came round to fix your printer.
- I'm on my break.
This is my kitchen.
That's unhygienic.
I eat there.
Al, please! - I only came round to fix the printer.
- Well, yeah.
Yes.
Sorry.
Have a heart.
This is our first kiss.
Pauline, your behaviour is unprofessional and embarrassing.
Now get back to work.
You.
No.
Oh! Oh.
Oh! Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Didn't wanna come here.
I went to the chemist but she said I had to see you, so I've got the runs.
Diarrhoea.
Diarrhoea can be a symptom of any number of conditions, from ulcerative colitis, chronic pancreatitis, or a parasitic, a bacterial or a viral infection.
Don't have any of them.
Right.
How long has it been going on for? (Clock ticks) Mr Flint? Let me see, Monday What? Days.
Couple of days.
- A week, maybe two.
- (Clears throat) Mr Flint, I have to examine you.
- No.
- Yes.
Just give me something.
- I have to examine you first.
- No.
Then I can't give you a proper diagnosis.
And if I don't have a proper diagnosis, I won't write you a prescription.
- OK.
- Sit here, please.
Could you write me out two of them? - Why? - Need one for my brother.
Open your mouth.
Tell your brother I'll have to see him.
No, he won't come to see no doctor.
He doesn't like them.
I didn't even tell him that I was coming here.
- Just you and your brother, is it? - Yeah.
- (Beep) - My dad, too.
- Has your brother got the same symptoms? - Longer.
He's got blood coming out of him.
Hasn't the strength to leave the house.
Right.
That would suggest a common cause.
I'll take some samples, but I will need to see your brother.
- Where do you live? - You know.
The moor.
I'll come out this afternoon.
OK.
Huh! Well, you took your time, then, didn't you? Oh! Oh.
- You OK? - No.
I've wrenched my back trying to put this valuable antique into the trailer.
Er, Dad, I need my birth certificate.
- What do you want that for? - I want to open a savings account.
I'm thinking about getting a new bike.
Your mother looked after all those bits of paper.
I never seen it.
- But you'll look for it, right? - You don't need a new bike! That gets you from A to B.
Now, help me - It's rubbish.
- Put this put this sofa into the trailer, eh? - Nice bit of furniture, that.
- All right.
(Groans) Good morning, Dr Ellingham.
Looks like it's gonna be a lovely day, doesn't it? - Have my syringes arrived yet? - I'm sorry.
We ordered ten millilitres but they sent one millilitre.
I put in a call, but you know how they are.
Would you like to take these ones for now? No.
Have you noticed a run on diarrhoea remedies? No.
Nothing out of the ordinary.
You don't want to bother with conventional medicine for the stomach.
Herbal remedies are far more effective.
If you do notice an increase in demand, let me know.
I'm sorry, I should have introduced myself.
I'm Sandra.
PC Mylow's sister.
- Ah.
- We're actually in the same line of work.
Right.
Good.
- I'm a herbalist.
- (Mrs Tishell) Oh.
So we're not in the same line of work, are we? Treating the sick and needy? I call that the same line.
I may not have all your formal qualifications but I know something about healing people.
- I've a clinic in Truro.
- Good for you.
I'm gonna expand.
I'm doing a day a week down here, too.
(Chuckles) Don't worry, I'm not gonna steal all your patients.
Make sure that if they have prescriptions from me, they inform you first.
Mrs Tishell.
- (Whistles) D'you think those are real? - That's the bikini I've got.
- Yeah? - Like it? Yeah, it's OK.
- Hiya! - Looking good there, Al.
Call me when you dump her.
All right? Hey.
Sorry.
- God, what a hideous kid.
- They all look the same to me.
Looks nothing like him.
Bet it's not even his.
That kid has blue eyes, they've got brown.
I've got blue eyes.
My dad's got brown.
My mum had brown, I think.
She can't have.
Doc, in't it true that if parents have brown eyes, their brat can't have blue ones? It's dependent on genetic influences.
There's a number of factors You see, I'm right.
I thought you might actually be interested in learning something.
- Right.
- Where are you off to? I've just got to, um go and do something, all right? - How's your rash? - Still ain't gone.
And it's really itchy, too.
It's bad for business.
I don't want customers thinking I'm scratching meself all over the beef cuttings.
It should have cleared up by now.
You been following the treatment I prescribed you? Yeah, I've been trying even harder than that.
Taking these, too.
- Got them from the other doctor.
- What other doctor? Oh, God.
- Right, I'm keeping these.
- They cost me £5.
It's very unwise to mix different forms of medication.
You shouldn't have taken these.
It's OK, they're herbal.
Natural.
That doesn't mean it's safe.
Poison ivy's natural.
You wouldn't take it, would you? No.
It's got "poison" in the title.
Do your shirt up.
If your back gets any worse you'll have to go and see the doc.
- Here.
- Good.
Well, go on, yeah.
- Ready? - Ooh, ow! That's right.
- There? - That's it, over a bit.
Lovely.
Oh! - There.
- Lovely.
- You found my birth certificate yet? - Oh, I'll find it when my back's better.
Oh, you seen that new sofa? Yeah.
What about the old one, then? Oh, it's yours.
You know, like father and son sofas.
- (Chuckles) - Yeah.
- What, have I got something on my face? - No.
What was Mum like, Dad? Well, you know, you've seen the photos.
Yeah, but really.
Can't tell a lot from those old pictures, can you? She were lovely, Mary.
Don't know what she was doing with me.
And what colour were her eyes? Blue, right? Like mine.
No.
They were brown.
That's what I fell in love with, her eyes.
Big, beautiful and brown.
(Seagulls cry) Together, together forever - (Doorbell) - I'll keep you satisfied - Is your sister in? - (Sandra) Mark, I told you! I have a client! - Please turn the radio down! - In there? - (Radio off) - Good luck.
Mm.
(Exhales) I don't think there's anything wrong at all.
Are you sure? It's just that someone It was a doctor, actually.
- Not our friendly local doctor? - They said that I had, um a certain, er tang on my breath.
Actually, some people have a faulty smelling apparatus, which means they can falsely accuse others of, say, bad breath or body odour.
- Really? - Mm.
That's interesting.
Yeah, that would make sense, because he does have some physical quirks.
I mean, I don't know if you know this but, um he's got a blood phobia.
- No? A blood phobia? - Yeah.
(Guffaws) - That's great.
- No, but he is a very, very good doctor.
As long as there aren't any cuts and scrapes involved, I imagine! Yeah.
Now, listen, for your other complaint, I can highly recommend these.
Thank you.
You know, you have been such a great help.
- Martin.
- Louisa.
I hope your ears aren't burning.
Um, can I settle with you later? Yeah.
Dr Ellingham, how nice to see you.
You prescribed some of your herbal tablets to one of my patients.
A butcher.
Yes.
Poor thing, sweating away in that shop all day.
You've aggravated his condition.
I'd already prescribed him a course of treatment.
Maybe your course of treatment made him worse.
Or didn't that occur to you? Sounds like someone's afraid of a little healthy competition.
Your pixie dust has clearly malreacted with my prescribed real medicine, and exacerbated the patient's condition.
This is not the 14th century.
We no longer bleed patients or drill holes in their skulls when they have a migraine.
I am responsible for the health of this community.
Please, check with me first.
Is that clear? - Give you a hard time, did she? - Nothing I can't handle.
- Sometimes I wish she'd ruddy go and - Yeah.
I know you can't choose your families, but there's a line, Doc.
(Sandra) Mark! Give us a hand moving the dresser, will you? (Owl hoots) (Barks and snarls) (Barking) - Whoa! - (Dog snarls) (Whistles) (Barks) (Sighs) Can I come in? - Hm.
- (Bells jingle) Thank you.
(Birdsong) What's he doing here? I told you I don't need no doctor.
- Your brother's worried about you.
- It's nothing.
I don't think it is nothing, actually.
- Nobody asked for you here.
- Well, I'm going to examine you anyway.
How long have you been feeling ill? (He grunts) Got stomach cramps? - Feeling nauseous? - He can't keep anything down.
(Brother) Nobody asked for you here.
- Just gonna take your temperature.
- (Beep) - Leave us alone.
- Paddy.
Please.
The sooner I do this, the sooner I leave.
(Beeping) Dad.
It's just the doctor.
You'd better get out of here.
Boys, shush.
Keep it down.
Your mother's sleeping.
- Aren't there just three of you living here? - Uh-huh, the three of us, and Mum.
Who's this? Dr Ellingham.
I'm afraid your son Paddy here is very ill.
I didn't ask him to come, Dad.
Honest.
- Is this your doing, boy? - Mr Flint! Wallace did the right thing.
- It's nothing.
He's fine.
- (Dr Martin) No, he's not fine.
In all probability he's suffering from salmonella poisoning.
And Wallace.
Left unchecked, that can be very serious.
Ow! Drain the blood out of this fella, too.
Right, I'm gonna give you both some antibiotics.
One tablet three times a day, with food.
And you must finish the course.
(Paddy) Right, now leave.
Mr Flint? Have you been suffering from diarrhoea? (Guffaws) No, I haven't.
- What about your wife? - (Victor) She's fine.
I would like to check her on her anyway.
- She don't like doctors.
- (Wallace) Paddy.
- I'll check on her anyway.
- You can't.
- I just want to talk to her.
- Wallace.
You gonna deal with that dog? Or is the doc here gonna take his chances? (Clock ticking) Come on, Doc.
Fine.
Make sure you take those antibiotics.
(Dog barks) (Paddy whistles) (Dog pants) (Squawks) (Chatter) - Can I have a packet of - Louisa.
- Um, Martin, about this morning - What, your visit to the snake charmer? I'm sorry that you've closed your mind to alternative medicine, but it can be effective.
It frequently is.
Unfortunately, with this woman it's a lottery.
Maybe you should accept that they're adults, Martin.
And maybe she could help you with your blood problem? Lou.
Doc.
How are you? Hi.
Mum told me she'd "treat" me to dinner at the retirement home.
So, er I need a stiff drink before I go.
They might care for the elderly but they can't cook to save their lives.
- Lou, drink? - Yes, I will, thanks.
Doc? No, thank you.
I just came to see Mark.
Louisa.
Oh, chirpy as ever, I see.
(Parrot squawks) - Mark.
- (Parrot) Mark.
Who had the Eurovision hit Save All Your Kisses For Me? - What do you know about the Flint family? - (Parrot squawks) The Flints? Yeah.
A foreboding air of violence, strange smell, passion for taxidermy.
- (Parrot) Taxidermy! - Keep themselves to themselves.
- Never had any trouble with them? - They don't come into Portwenn much.
- When did you last see Mrs Flint? - Er, don't think I ever have.
They're a bit weird.
No harm to anyone.
(Fruit machine clicking) Right, yeah.
(Parrot) Tosser! (Seagulls cry) (Bert) Oh! - Oh! - You've strained a muscle.
Not much I can do.
I'll prescribe you some painkillers.
It'll heal in time.
Get plenty of rest.
I'll get your patient notes.
Mark's sister works wonders with aches and pains.
Should I pop over and see her? Don't be stupid, Bert.
- Do we have Wallace Flint's test results? - Yes.
- Can you give me his phone number? - No.
Don't have it.
- Remind me what your job is again.
- He didn't leave a number.
He left in a rush, looking like a frightened rabbit.
Like all your patients, actually.
I'll just scoot out there and hope that they're in.
It's less than half a day's drive.
Doc.
Two brown-eyed parents could definitely have a blue-eyed kid, right? It's uncommon.
In the past the brown eye colour was always dominant over the blue, but now we know better.
See? Silly.
That's exactly what I said.
Sort of.
No, I dunno.
He said uncommon.
(Horn toots) Hello, Al! Thought I'd fix your water-line.
I was driving by.
- What water-line? - It was leaking, in the chicken coop.
That was over a year ago.
You said if I had a minute to pop in and, well, I've got a minute.
I'll show you where the stopcock is.
Here you are.
(Dog barks) (Dog barks and snarls) (Dog barks) (Bird squawks) (Birdsong) Hello? (Crow caws) (Dr Martin) Hello? (Crows caw) (Creaking) (Creaking) - (Dr Martin) Ah.
- What are you doing here? Oh, you're feeling better, then? I got the results back from your tests.
I was right, it was salmonella.
The antibiotics I gave you should clear that up, as long as you keep taking them.
Just as importantly, how you picked it up.
Salmonella's most commonly found in foodstuffs.
Mind if I take a look in your fridge? - Your father do that? - Dad's hobby.
He likes to keep things.
- (Dog barks) - Why doesn't he stuff that dog? Oh! Oh, that's an old fridge, isn't it? - We collect scrap and sell it on.
Keep stuff.
- Wallace.
These old ones leak sulphur dioxide when they wear out.
It would explain the smell.
Or one of them, anyway.
And apart from causing permanent lung damage, any meat products stored in there would become - Yeah, we get it.
Diarrhoea.
Salmonella.
- (Door creaks) - Maybe I should talk to your mother.
- Yeah, you've got We can tell her.
- (Clock ticking) - Still, I think I should - You've got no business here.
- (Crows caw outside) Right, then.
- (Dog barking) - Pauline? Can you hear me? I want you to try and find any patient notes that still exist on the Flint family.
- (Dog barking) - More specifically Mrs Flint.
Oh, right, right, right.
(Dog barking) - What were he doing back here? - He helped us, didn't he? That's not what I asked.
Dad don't like strangers in the house.
I'm gonna go and check on Mum.
(Chickens cluck) Dad's short, I'm tall.
He's big, I'm not.
He thinks differently.
We're totally different.
That's got nothing to do with it.
He's your father.
He's stalling on giving me my birth certificate.
Al, I knew your mum very well.
When you were born, she and Bert were overjoyed.
So you do know something, then? If you don't get on with it, then that job'll never get done.
Here.
Joan.
Joan, did my mum have an affair? Al, your father loved your mother very much.
Your father loves you very much.
There's nothing more to be said.
- Hello.
Doc said I should rest my back.
- I want my birth certificate.
- What d'you fancy for your tea? Trout? - Now, dad.
Look, I turned the place upside down.
There's no sign of it, but I'll find it.
Give it me or I'll send away for a copy.
You can do that, then? (Sighs) I know about Mum.
Her affair.
It wasn't an affair.
Well, what was it, then? It was just one night but it meant nothing.
Are you my dad? If you'll excuse me, I've got a washing machine to plumb in.
Here! (Seagulls cry) - Flint notes? - Hello.
How are you? Having a nice day? - I don't know why I bothered.
- It's your job.
Mrs Flint hasn't visited the surgery since the boys were little.
(Sobs) - You OK, Bert? - Yeah.
It's I'm l'm just resting, that's all.
- I thought maybe you'd broken down.
- Oh.
- You sure everything's OK? - Yeah, it's just hay hay fever.
OK.
It's the season for it.
I should see your Sandra.
- See you later.
- Bye.
(Sobs) - Middle name? - He doesn't have one.
- Date of birth? - Er, 4th December, '96.
And what's the problem? Apart from getting his grubby little fingers all over my surgery.
It's his glands.
He's hyperactive.
Isn't there something you can just give him? No! No, no, no! No! Come on.
Sit there.
Hold that.
There is no miracle pill.
I'll have to do a psychiatric evaluation.
The other doctor just gave me something called brahmi, for his blood sugar level.
- If anything, he's just got worse.
- That woman is not a doctor.
Your son needs to be referred to a specialist.
You mentioned the Flint family.
- I don't discuss patients with patients.
- No.
Wondered how Doreen was.
She used to sing in the church choir with me, years ago.
- When did you last see her? - She was tone-deaf.
I haven't seen her since he was a tyke.
It was like she fell off the edge of the world.
(Smash) (Sighs) - How's it going, Sandy? - Getting my bearings.
- Have you seen my radio? - Oh, yeah.
I borrowed it.
- I'd like it back.
- I'm gonna be listening to it later.
I'm letting you use that room rent-free.
Oh, I see.
So you're gonna kick your big sister out on the street? I don't think so.
Just give me back my radio.
Thank you! Miss Mylow.
You've doled out some more of your wonder herbs to my patient.
A child.
- The high-strung kid? - Mm.
We prescribe Bacopa monniera for attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder.
Do we? You think by rolling in and setting up shop, you're helping people.
You're not.
That child wasn't on any of your prescriptions.
No, he needs to see a specialist.
(Snorts) I find it very hard to take a lecture from a doctor who can't conquer his own fear of blood.
From now on, check with me first.
Oh, I didn't realise that you were the law in town.
So, how did you get on at the Flints'? - What? - Wallace and Paddy.
Oh.
Say hello to them from me the next time you see them.
Victor, the father, he's been to my practice in Truro a couple of times.
Prefers the natural approach.
Doesn't trust doctors.
- Dr Martin.
- Ellingham.
- Which is it? - My first name is Martin, and my se (Grunts) What were you doing coming back out to the house? Who invited you? - I wanted to be sure your son was all right.
- He's fine.
We're all fine.
Me and the wife don't need people intertering with the family! (Panting) Are you married? Children? - (Sighs) - No.
Well, if you were, maybe you'd understand.
Oh, thanks for that, sorting out that fridge problem.
Those boys are like magpies.
Magpies, I tell you.
Nice to meet you, Doctor.
(Dog barks outside) - You should have told me.
- Here, sit.
Sit down.
Now, your mum and I, we were we were having troubles.
I left for a while, but then I came back.
I've trusted you for 25 years.
Your mother always looked after the important papers in the house, right? Now in here I've never seen this.
In here is your birth certificate.
I thought Well, if I don't know what's written there, you're still my son, right? Now, why don't we just put this away, right? No.
I'm not gonna hide from the truth, like you.
I wanna know.
Go on.
(Distant barking) You do it.
Go on.
All right.
I knew it.
I knew it.
Just goes to show.
You recognise a name there? Yeah, but how do I know she just didn't get them to put your name in? Eh? (Door closes) (Phone rings) (Pauline) Hello, this is the Portwenn Surgery.
There is no one here to take your call but please leave a message and I'll call you back.
Dr Martin, it's Wallace.
Look, I really need to talk to you about - (Victor) What the hell are you doing? - (Smash) - I told you boys - No, listen, it's really important! - Give it me! Give it me! - No, Dad! (Line goes dead) The father had me by the throat yesterday.
Doc, shh.
Sandra's sleeping.
Don't wanna wake the beast.
- (Joan) Tsk-tsk-tsk! Come on, come on! - (Chickens cluck) What if I've been calling a stranger "Dad" for 25 years? He's Bert.
He's your father.
Well, that's the point, innit? What if he's not? Fine, Al.
Let's just suppose that he's not.
What are you going to do? - How d'you mean? - Are you going to walk away from him? Or are you going to ignore him? Or you might think about how he's been feeling all these years, not knowing.
And the fact that he's kept loving you.
- Hm.
- Come on, I'll give you breakfast.
You can't answer questions like this on an empty stomach.
First time I ever saw a dead body was in Truro.
Old lady.
Mrs Williams.
She'd phoned the council.
Said her flat smelt bad.
And you know what they found? Her husband had died months before and she hadn't told anyone.
Oh, yeah.
Mark, I appreciate that you're excited, but - I'm just saying, Doc, it happens.
- Yes, it does.
(Dog barking) (Dog barks and snarls) - So, how how do you wanna do this? - I'm a doctor.
You're the policeman.
Right.
Of course.
- (Barks and snarls) - Let's go round the back.
(Dog barks and snarls) (Dog barking) - (Mark) Hello? - (Crows cawing) I don't think we're allowed in here.
No, definitely not.
You can't enter a house without reasonable grounds.
This is reasonable grounds.
(Crows caw) (Whispers) That's the room.
(Jar rattles) (Whispers) Another one of your sister's prescriptions.
(Mark whispers) Careful, Doc! What are you doing here? - I've just come to check on your mother.
- She's fine.
Everything's fine.
- I'm sorry, but I am gonna check.
- Don't, please! (Clock ticking) Dr Martin.
Sorry.
Ellingham.
Dr Ellingham.
Hello.
Just go round to the car, round the other side.
You know, your father's condition is probably treatable.
Has he been like this long? - Been getting worse lately? - He was, all the mood swings and that.
Just he usually got better quicker than this.
- They always this bad? - No, he was never really this bad.
And I didn't know what to do.
I was just trying to trying to look after him.
After all of us.
Wallace, what about your mother? She left us.
We haven't heard from her in about I dunno, eight years.
Dad was worried we were gonna get taken into care.
He just wanted to make us like a normal family, like everyone else.
Right.
That's it, mind your head.
You're a good boy.
Give your mum a hug.
What do you think happened? It appears to be a disorder precipitated by abandonment.
He was trying to be Doreen? Well, I think the trauma of her leaving must have triggered his psychosis.
I don't think these helped, not one little bit.
Bloody hell.
How's the fishing? Slow.
Can I have a try? I never catch anything, but You're always so impatient, aren't you? Here.
Huh! D'you remember that time that you we went out in the boat, right? And you were struggling to reel it in and you were worried you were gonna lose it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
So what did you do? - I dived in.
- You dived in.
That's right, you idiot.
- I was only ten.
- "Don't worry, dad, don't worry! "I'll l'll catch it.
" Then you dived in even though I could swim better than you.
- That's right.
- Yeah.
(Al) Yeah.
I'm sorry, Dad.
Don't be.
Ayurvedic medicines.
- They can - Can contain high levels of mercury.
Given to someone already suffering from psychosis, the effects can be catastrophic.
I didn't realise she was that ill.
Hadn't it struck you at your clinic? - She seemed fine.
- You've never met her.
- Doreen Flint left this area years ago.
- I saw her husband.
Who, for the last eight years, has been under the delusion that he is both Victor and Doreen Flint in one body.
- (Seagulls cry outside) - Oh.
There's a reason why we see patients before prescribing treatment.
It's called good practice.
People feel comfortable when they come and see me, unlike you.
The minute I start handing out treatments to people I've never met, please feel free to call me a stupid, arrogant, unqualified charlatan.
Are you gonna let him treat me like that? Look, you're always bossing me around, undermining and insulting me.
- You criticise my personal life, my weight.
- You're not overweight.
You're not a nice person, Sandra.
- Oh, stop showing off.
- I want you to leave.
- What? - Permanently.
I want you to leave.
- No.
- Sandra.
- I'll go in the morning.
- No.
You'll leave now.
And I'll be having this back as well, thank you.
(Doorbell) (Clears throat) Wallace.
Paddy.
Brought you summat.
Well there's there's no need.
Um Dad's gonna be OK because of you.
Did you kill that dog for me? No.
Car hit it.
You can't even see the tyre marks.
Want you to take it.
Thank you, but Oh, no, you're gonna take it, Doc.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
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