Empty Nest (1988) s02e03 Episode Script

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery Sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need Rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on aah.
Oh, dreyfuss.
My old pal.
You've come down to keep me company, huh? So I'm sorry about all that tossing and turning up there.
Especially that last turn that sent you flying off the bed and crashing on the floor.
You are an amazing animal, do you know that? Most dogs could not have slept through that.
What are we gonna do to pass the time, huh? I don't know.
What is it, 2:00? Yeah, paper won't be here for another four hours.
That's 28 dog hours.
Oh, I'm sorry, dreyfuss.
I get a little silly when I don't have enough sleep.
What do you want to do? Watch TV? Come on, let's go watch a little TV.
Come on, let's go.
Well, for once I'll be glad the girls talked me into.
Getting all these cable channels.
So let's go, come on.
Let's get up here and watch a little TV.
This is madness.
One of you against Are you sure you want to do this? Yeah.
I think we can skip this one, all right? Oh, are you prepared to die? Yeah.
Your country's indebted to you, John.
You're a complicated man.
Yeah.
Oh, here's one we haven't seen before.
Well, now obviously we've missed a lot of it, but the fun is to figure out what it's all about.
Now this one seems to be a circus movie.
Don't you see there's that man and woman with no clothes on, swinging on the trapeze Wait a This This is pornography! Don't watch.
Here.
Ooh, triple.
Never mind.
Enough TV, forget TV.
Who needs TV? We've got each other.
The rest of the night, pal, it's just you and me.
What ever happened to that "man's best friend" thing? I thought I heard something.
Oh, Carol, honey.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to wake you.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
I just had a bad dream.
I'll fix you some warm milk.
No, honey.
Dear, I'm fine.
Come on, go back to bed.
I'll stay up with you for a while.
You don't have to do that.
I want to.
Thank you, dear.
So what was the dream, daddy? Huh? I don't know.
It was crazy.
There was a tiger chasing me Something.
I wonder what that means.
Hey, what's going on? Why's everybody up? Daddy had a bad dream and can't sleep.
You should try counting sheep.
Why? That's what we pay the Shepherd for.
That's what we pay the Shepherd for.
Ooh, that's not funny.
Why am I laughing at that? I'm sorry, girls.
I get real silly when I don't get enough sleep.
You should try reading, daddy.
That sometimes helps.
None of those things work with me.
Once I'm up, I'm up.
I'm the same way.
I'm just the opposite.
I can fall asleep like that.
I hate that.
You can sleep anywhere.
In the car, on a plane.
Yeah, your mother was like that.
Whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait, wait.
That's right.
I was in a car in my dream.
I thought a tiger was chasing you.
He was.
So I jumped in the car to get away from the tiger And then I woke up.
Why do I keep on having this dream? Wait a minute.
This is a recurring dream? How long have you been having it? Well, it was on and off for a couple of weeks.
You haven't slept well in two weeks? And you haven't told us? Hey, when I was an intern I went for incredible periods without any sleep at all.
Of course I did get a little silly then too.
Did I ever tell you about the time I pulled this practical joke With a cadaver? It was poker night.
We needed a fourth.
So I put him up daddy.
Daddy, daddy.
As hilarious as this must have been at one time, this dream you're having is what they call an anxiety dream.
They're very important.
Now if we can figure out what it means, you'll be able to stop having it and go to sleep.
Honey, I don't put much stock in that dream stuff.
Just give it a chance, daddy.
Now you said in the dream, you were in a car trying to get away from a tiger that was chasing you, right? I think so.
Maybe it means that daddy's afraid of tigers chasing him.
Barbara.
My sweet, literal sister.
Dreams are never what they seem on the surface.
Everything is a symbol for something else.
The trick is to take each element of the dream and free associate.
Like the tiger.
Now what does a tiger mean to you, daddy? A bad pet.
Ooh.
Tigers remind me of the time that you took me to the zoo for my birthday, remember? And I got too close to the tiger cage.
And he took SWAT at me with his paw? That was scary.
Barbara, this is daddy's dream.
And now that I remember it, you were the one who told me to pet him.
You told me tigers were friendly.
All right, all right.
All right, all right.
Just forget about it, girls.
It was just a goofy dream.
Some dreams are just goofy, come on.
- Go back to bed.
- No, daddy.
If you're gonna be up, I'm gonna be up with you.
Me too.
Ah, these are sweet daughters I've got.
So what do you want to do? I have no idea.
We could watch TV.
No! Ah, no, no.
No TV.
M-m-e-r.
Slammer.
Slammer? Yeah, you know.
When you put someone in jail.
In the slammer.
Barbara, that's slang.
It doesn't count.
Yes, it does.
Daddy, tell her.
Well, honey, you know.
Barbara could have meant the other meaning of the word "slammer.
" What other meaning? You know, slammer.
One who slams.
Yeah.
Fine.
Ten points.
But you really should broaden your horizons, Barbara.
What does that mean? I know you're a cop, but everything with you is your job.
I mean, look at this.
Slammer, frisk, Magnum.
And I am still contesting dirtbag.
Well, what about your words? Angst, husband, barren.
They're legitimate words.
Girls, please.
If you cannot play nice, then ed McMahon.
Pardon? Ed McMahon, that's right.
Ed McMahon.
He was in my dream.
The tigers chasing me, I'm in the car trying to get away from it.
And I'm Trying to get to ed McMahon's house.
But I wake up before I get there.
Darn, I always wanted to know what his house was like.
You see, daddy? The pieces of the dream are starting to come together.
Oh, yeah.
The ed McMahon thing certainly clarifies things for me.
No, no, no, listen.
Listen, daddy.
Now, Freud said that all dreams are wish fulfillment's, right? So what about this? Maybe the car in your dream isn't really a car.
But is actually a giant phallic symbol.
And the tiger represents your secret wish to To what? Nevermind, I think maybe I was thinking of my own wish.
Hi, all.
Charley, are you out of your mind? It is 2:30 in the morning.
I mean, this I inconsiderate even by your standards.
Hey, just a minute, Carol.
I came over here because all the lights were on and I was worried maybe something was wrong.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Got any jarlsberg? It's Charley, why would you bark at Charley? I bet it 'cause I've got beef jerky in my pocket.
Charley, why do you have beef jerky in your pocket? Maybe I'm just happy to see you.
Actually, I had a late date tonight.
And she felt like a snack.
So you took her out for beef jerky? And a slurpee.
Hey, I love this game.
Can I play? You play word games? Oh, yeah, sure.
Chance to stretch your mind.
Improve your vocabulary.
Who did "dirtbag?" Me.
All right, that's slang.
You have to take off an article of clothing.
Charley.
Go home.
Okay, but consider this.
It's just possible, if you let me walk out that door now, I may never come back.
Farewell, Charley.
See you tomorrow.
How did he ever become welcome in this house? Actually, it was your mother that first took an interest in Charley.
She thought that with some love and understanding he could change and become a better person.
I loved your mother, but she was wrong a lot.
Aah! What is it, daddy? What? I just remembered something else about the dream.
What? - The tiger's chasing me.
- Yeah.
- And I'm driving the car.
- Yeah.
And I was wearing a pink kimono.
You were wearing a kimono? Well it wasn't like I had white make up on and chopsticks in my hair.
It was just a kimono.
Oh, my god.
I know what that represents.
What? What, what is it? Your mother.
No wonder I couldn't sleep.
This dream is about your mother.
Daddy, I don't get this dream.
How does your wearing a kimono represent mom? Because a kimono makes me think of geisha girls.
And geisha girls always remind me of your mother.
Why? It has to do with this, uh, little game we used to play.
I don't want to go into that.
What I want to talk about here is what does this dream mean? I have no idea what this dream means! I'm never gonna get any sleep.
Daddy, please don't get upset.
Now listen, you seem to do best when you're not even thinking about the dream.
So maybe the thing to do is just to take your mind off of it.
Okay, great.
You're right.
Take my mind off it.
Uh, how about breakfast? Sounds great.
It's 3:00 in the morning.
I know the perfect place.
Laverne keeps on talking about this great all-night diner on northwood road.
A diner, daddy? You want breakfast, I'll fix something.
No, please! I want some real food! I mean, you know.
I want, like, you know, a mound of corned beef hash, a couple of fried eggs All your stuff has bran in it.
Not all my stuff has bran in it.
Well, fiber's very important.
It puts a smile face on your colon.
How was that short stack, Laverne? Too much flour in the batter.
You didn't leave 'em on the griddle long enough, and the syrup's cold.
You ate 'em all.
I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Thanks.
And the coffee's weak.
Oh, lord.
Oh, Laverne! - Hi! - Hi.
- Hi.
- What are you doing here? Well, Nick's ball club's on the red eye out of California.
I gotta go to the airport and pick him up in an hour.
Well, how'd they do? Split a four-game series.
Won two, lost two, huh? Phew, no slippin' anything past you.
Now, what are y'all doing here? Well, we feel like having breakfast you're always raving about this place.
Excuse me.
Did you say she raves about this place? All the time, she says it's the closest thing to down home cooking she's found in Miami.
Says you make the best hot cakes in Miami.
I hope you're happy.
It took me five years of stompin' on his self-esteem to get those pancakes right.
Now you come in here and blow some smoke up his apron and ruin all my good work.
So, what can I get you folks? I'll try the hot cakes.
Corned beef hash, fried eggs.
You don't have some kind of chopped salad or vegetables? Hot cakes.
Good choice.
Food'll be up in no time.
Great.
Laverne.
Come on, aren't you gonna join us? Well, there's not a lot of room at that booth.
What are you talking about? There's plenty of room.
Come on.
All right.
That's another thing, your booths are too big.
So You all decided to have breakfast in the middle of the night.
Well, actually, daddy had a bad dream and he couldn't sleep.
Really? You had a nightmare? It was a weird one.
This tiger starts chasing daddy, and he gets in his car and he drives down the road.
Oh, and he was wearing a pink kimono.
Well, that kimono obviously represents your wife.
The dream must have somethin' to do with her.
Laverne, how did you know that? Well, I've done some dream interpreting in my time.
Tell me the rest of it.
Well, there's not much.
The tiger's chasing me.
And I'm in the car driving.
And trying to get to ed McMahon's house.
Johnny's sidekick? Yeah.
Uh-huh.
But I never get there because I wake up first.
And that's it.
It's too bad greevy morlock ain't here.
Who's greevy morlock? I have no idea.
That's a joke.
Interesting the way I kick back once I'm out of that stodgy office of yourn.
Yeah, you're like a whole different person.
Anyway, greevy morlock's a fella back home.
Best dream interpreter they is.
Now, as greevy figured out that maralee Jenkins' dream was a premonition and her prize pig would meet with an accident.
Two days later that pig was struck by lightning and died.
Wow.
Well, now, naturally some people said it's just a coincidence.
Others said it's bound to happen the way maralee kept a lightning rod a-strapped to the animal.
But I say greevy morlock is one of the wisest men ever to live.
A true genius.
So can we call him? No, he's not reachable.
He's out of town, a-competin' in the annual "spit for distance" contest.
Well, I best get a move-on.
And you better be on time this morning.
You've got a lot a of patients, to see and you've gotta leave early for that seminar at St.
Vincent's.
Laverne, I know.
You've been reminding me every day for the past two weeks.
And if I were you, I'd figure out what that dream means.
And another thing, y'all.
Don't go braggin' to Jimmy on the food, he'll get the swelled head and the quality will go down.
See ya, Jimmy.
Take care now, Laverne.
How is it? A little overcooked.
It is sensational.
I heard that.
Oh, those hot cakes were great, weren't they? I can't believe I ate them.
The last time I had hot cakes was when Tony covin dumped me.
I chose to get even with him by doubling my body weight.
How did dreyfuss do, daddy? Fine.
It's the bran.
I don't get it.
I mean, when I was a kid I had nightmares.
But I woke up, realized I was safe, it was just a dream.
I went back to sleep.
They never kept me up like this one.
I cannot figure it out.
I wonder if that greevy morlock could really interpret it.
Well, I'm sure he'd have some remarkable insights.
But like so many of our great minds, he's off somewhere seeing how far he can project his saliva.
You wanna go through the dream again, daddy? It's pointless! I've been racking my brain ever since we left the diner.
It's crazy.
It's nuts.
A tiger's chasing me, I'm in a car, I'm wearing a kimono.
Where do I go for help? Johnny Carson's straight man.
Ah, I could spend the rest of my life trying to figure this out.
What daddy? What is it? Carson.
Something about Johnny Carson? Not Johnny Carson.
Stuart Carson.
Dr.
Carson? Mom's internist, Dr.
Carson? The last big fight we had was about him.
What happened? Well, it was time for her annual physical, and she just didn't want to go.
Why not? Because your mother hated going to the doctor.
A doctor's wife, and she hated going to the doctor.
I never knew that.
Every June when it was time to go, we had this huge fight.
So that's why we had new China every July.
In that last year she was so much more resistant than ever.
Or maybe I just didn't have any fight left in me.
I don't know, but whatever it was, by the time she did get around To going to Dr.
Carson Daddy, do you think that if mom would have gone to the doctor when she was supposed to I don't know.
Honey, we'll never know.
Poor mom.
Poor mom? What are you talking about, "poor mom?" How about try, "stupid mom.
" Daddy.
This is a bright, intelligent woman we're talking about.
And she will not go to the doctor? What is that? I mean, fine, if she doesn't give a damn about herself.
What about us? The one's she left behind.
Her children, and her husband.
She was wrong, she was stupid, she was selfish, and she didn't c Ah, I'm sorry.
I don't mean I don't mean that.
I love i sound like some sort of monster here.
No, daddy, it's okay.
I understand.
I just thought if you really love someone, that sometimes you did things you didn't really want to do just for them.
Oh, daddy.
Mom's not going to the doctor didn't have anything to do with the feelings she had for you.
If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that she loved you very much.
She loved all of us.
You okay? I never knew I was so angry at her.
And that's the last thing I want to feel towards your mother.
And that's why you kept it bottled up all this time.
And why it could only come out in the dream.
So the dream was a wish fulfillment.
I was trying to get your mother to Dr.
Carson.
Why did I suddenly start having this dream now? I bet I know why.
Laverne said something tonight about a seminar at St.
Vincent's.
Mom died at St.
Vincent's.
And you said that Laverne had been reminding you about this for the last two weeks.
Which is when you started having the dream! I think she's right.
I am very impressed.
The only missing piece is the tiger.
Which I think represents the disease that was gaining on mom.
And also maybe your anger.
She's good.
It's really a lot like detective work.
It's fun.
Great.
Next time I have a dream that's ripping my guts out, I know exactly where to go.
I helped too.
Yes, honey, you did.
You really did, yes.
And now because of the two of you, I feel a whole lot better.
I love you both very much.
Exactly the same amount.
Well, now, I'm gonna go upstairs.
I'm gonna go to bed.
And I'm gonna get the first good night's sleep I've had in a couple of weeks.
And if I can possibly arrange it, I'm gonna have the most wonderful dream about your mother I've ever had.
Good night, girls.
Both: Good night, daddy.
Good morning, girls.