Gary Unmarried (2008) s02e03 Episode Script

The play of the year has to be Eric Bruntlett's unassisted triple play to beat the mets.
I don't know how many times that's happened, but I bet it's rare.
Yeah.
Why would you know how many times that happened? It's not like you have your own sports talk radio show or anything.
This guy's terrible.
I know.
That's why we're firing him.
You the best, baby.
Wait.
Curtis, if you're firing him, are you gonna be looking for someone else? That's the plan.
Is there any way I could be considered for that job? Sure.
How you set for magic beans? What do I have to do to get this job? Do I have to interview? Do I have to fill out an application? Would it help if I told people I was 1/16 apache? You know, it's such a long shot.
They got a lot of professional guys comin' in here for this job.
It was also a long shot when I jumped from the second-story balcony into the motel pool, and if you rember, I almost made it.
Let's wrap this up.
OK, look.
You have to cut a demo, submit it to the station manager.
Then you'd have to hope that anyone with more experience doesn't apply.
What if I happen to know a great sound engineer who's been my best friend since high school? Could he help me cut a demo? Gary, I can't do it, OK? I mean, you're supposed to be paintin' this place.
What if I had photographs of this best friend sound engineer wearing nothing but a pointy Madonna Bra and making out with a chick with an Adam's Apple who's holding his magic beans and stalk? Gary Brooks demo, take one.
I'm ¨Gary Brooks, and this isthe score.
-= 203 =- OK, Tim from Oxnard, the longest field-goal record is shared between Jason Elam and Tom Dempsey, but we got to agree the record really belongs to Tom Dempsey.
Am I right? No.
Dempsey deserves an asterisk, because the half shoe gave him an unfair advantage.
Tim, follow me on this.
He was wearing half a shoe because he only had half a foot, OK.
And not the good half with the toes, you Dummy.
Listen, Listen, Tim from Oxnard, why don't you and the people of your fine city get together and do something important, like get a better name for your town than Oxnard.
I'm Gary Brooks, and that'sthe score.
All right.
That's a wrap.
What's your beef with Oxnard, man? Nothing.
Just a stupid name.
We judging things by their names now Gary Merril Brooks? It's a family name, and aunt merril is a wonderful woman.
I'd say you cut yourself a pretty good little demo here, man.
I'm impressed.
Just do me a favor.
Don't get your hopes up.
Sasha's a tough customer.
Hey, all I ask is that she puts me in the mix, and that is why I am sweetening the pot with a coupon for the number 2 meal at burgeroos.
Wait a minute.
Sasha is a woman who drives a BMW and gets a radio station for a birthday present.
She's not gonna listen to your demo cause you gave her a coupn for a burger.
- I got one for you, too.
- Snap.
Let's go right now.
Other interesting facts about Oxnard It's the largest producer of Strawberries in California, it's the only deep-water port north of long beach, and it's the only city on the west coast that contains the word "nard.
" We got a problem.
Tom was threatened by a boy at school.
Oh, my gosh.
Tommy, what happened? I was at my slocker, and this guy came up to me, and he told me he was gonna kick my butt tomorrow after lunch.
- Who is this little punk? - Dylan Mccormick, and he not so little.
I heard he got in a fight with seventh grade.
- In seventh grade.
- No, withseventh grade.
OK, Tom, it's clear you're gonna have to send this kid a message.
You're gonna need, about 4 feet of P.
V.
C.
Pipe, a can of hair spray, a cigarette lighter, and a potato.
And a ticket stub to a movie you were at when all this went down.
Mitch, could you and louise excuse us for a second so we can talk to Tom? Yeah, sure.
Hey, Louise, you like Strawberries? How'bout deep-water ports? I'm not going to oxnard with you, uncle Mitch.
OK.
Tommy, you think you can take this guy or what?.
I'm sorry.
Tom is not fighting anyone.
This school has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to bullying.
We'll bring it to the principal's.
We'll arrange a conference with Dylan parents.
I told Tommy he could stay home till we got this whole thing straightened out.
Sure.
He'll just stay home from school, and then when he goes back to school, you can meet him for lunch and breast-feed him in the cafeteria.
Look, I'm not proud of this, but I beat up my fair share of kids in school.
A lot of those kids were just like Tom, kids that, just by lookin' at 'em, you knew they weren't gonna give you any trouble.
Here's the bottom line.
By not goin' to school, you send the bully a message he can just keep pickin'on Tom.
Tom, you gotta go back to school.
All right, but when he needs braces, you're paying for them.
- Nothing's gonna happen to his teeth.
- I was talking about his legs.
God, I Miss the days when you'd spell things out so I wouldn't understand.
Honey, it was just that your father couldn't understand them either.
Tom, let's go out in the yard.
I'm gonna show you some moves.
You mean like, like, like how to punch? No, like how to curl up in the fetal position and protect your Oxnards.
So I know I'm new here, but my goal is to make KPPQ a really great place to come to work.
We're really just gonna be one big happy family.
Does that sound good, Henry? I'm Chris.
Really? 'cause you look just like Henry.
I'm Henry.
OK.
Good meeting.
You know what? I have to give her my demo.
I'll, just hand it to her.
Hey, you know what? I should mail it to her.
That's easier.
- You're gonna mail it to right here? - Right.
How are you gonna address it? "This station, exactly where we are, California"? Now get over there.
Hi, Ms.
Warden.
Look, sorry to bother you.
But, OK I have to I have to tell you this.
Ever since I was a little kid I had a dream of having my sports talk radio show, and a little birdie told me you guys were lookin' for someone, so i I made a demo.
OK, well Can't wait.
I'll I'll listen to it as soon as I get a moment.
And I recommend after you listen to that, you have a number two.
That'd make a lot more sense when you see the coupon inside the envelope.
You're never gonna guess what happened with the fight.
You did the fetal position.
It's like trying to kick a turtle.
I'll get you some ice for your back.
No, dad, Dylan never showed.
I waited for him behind the cafeteria after lunch.
He never showed.
That's fantastic, Tommy.
A forfeit is as good as a win.
You can put that on your trophy case with all your participant Ribbons.
See, you didn't back down, and the bully never showed.
He's Tommy the tough guy now? What do you think? That's right.
Kids respect me now, except for the ones who caught me in the bathroom puking with relief.
What do you think of your brother now? You proud of him, Louise? Dylan didn't run away because of Tom.
Louise got to him first.
Louise.
But Louise doesn't fight.
I mean, even when we play, like, rock'em sock'em robots, she won't push the buttons.
Her fighter just stands there in silent protest.
Well, apparently Dylan was sitting at a table, having lunch when Louise came up from behind him and whispered something in his ear.
And according to a kid who was there, Dylan's face kind of sagged, he looked really depressed, and he got up, and he went home.
Well, what on earth did she say? Tell why don't you tell him, Louise? Oh, my god.
I'm gonna get a fruit roll-up.
That is the scariest thing I've heard since you said, "i do.
" Or where you said, "yeah.
That's the whole thing.
Anyway, Gary, the principal wants to sit down with us and Louise.
Oh, my gosh.
That is really awful.
Where did she learn to break a man's spirit like that? Thank you so much for coming in.
It was great to meet you.
I'll let you know.
That's like, the 18th deejay hat she's interviewed.
You think she's listened to my demo yet? See? I told you not to get your hopes up.
I told you that it was not gonna work.
- Gary, could I see you for a second? - I always believed in you, man.
Hi.
No matter what you're about to say, I just wanna say thank you.
I respect your opinion.
But thank you, mostly.
Thank you for this Check made out to Gary's house painting.
Yeah.
It's the balance of what I owe you for painting the station.
I know you're gonna be done in a couple days, so I just wanted to tell you - that everything looks great.
- OK.
Great.
Anything else? The colors were vibrant.
The crew was courteous and smelled good.
OK, here's the thing.
I gave you my demo a couple days ago, and I know I'm just a guy you hired to paint the office, but ever since I gave you that demo I've sort of been on pins and needles around here, so excited about it, and if you're not interested, tell me you're not interested.
- I take it.
Just don't string me along.
- I'm not interested.
You can string me along for a little while.
It's OK.
Really, I can be strung.
It's just, is there any feedback you can give me? I mean, did you like it? Did you not like it? It's just No, no.
It's not that I didn't like it.
I just You know, I didn't love it in a way where I would say something like, you know, "hey, I love that.
" I didn't like it.
Well, then I will now look for a graceful way to exit your office.
And i I just stepped in a tray of paint.
You know what I'll do? I'll take my shoe off, and that way, I will leave your office faster.
I have a knot.
I can't get it out.
- You know, why don't I just go? - That's probably best.
Man.
- What happened? - What'd she say? She's totally blowin' me off.
She didn't even listen to my demo.
Look at this.
She didn't even open it.
Don't worry about it, gary.
Radio is a dying business anyway.
- Dude.
- Sorry.
I can understand not listening to the demo, I can understand not liking the demo, but why would she lie about listening to the demo? So your question is why would a woman lie? I don't know, man.
Why would a woman ask you to cosign a loan for a jet ski that she ends up ridin' with your cousin Leon, arms all wrapped around each other wavin' to you on the beach like nothin's wrong? I ain't wavin' back.
I'm sorry.
What was the question? You ready to go see the principal? Yeah.
Let me get my jacket.
It's in the booth.
- Hi.
Can I help you? - No.
She doesn't need any help.
That's my, ex-wife Allison, and this is my, my boss for a little while Sasha.
This is Sasha.
We have a school thing to go to.
And, while if anything happens while I'm away, Mitch is in charge.
When I'm not here, Mitch is the boss.
That's game right there! You wanna get wasted? Lady boss is into you.
Yeah.
I think, the exact opposite is true.
Come on.
It's obvious.
She did the look.
What do you mean? She's Checkin' out my new six-pack? You mean the pony keg? Gary, she didn't look at you.
She looked at me.
When a woman is interested in a guy, all the other women in his life get the look.
It's very quick.
It's very subtle.
If you didn't know what you were lookin' for, you'd probably Miss it.
What does this look do? Lets her know she's dealing with a possible threat.
You see, in that split-second glance, she looked into my eyes, saw intelligence.
She took in my clothes and decided I was stylish.
She saw that I take pride in keeping toned and fit.
I had her worried.
Maybe you and you could get a room.
The principal said you don't even have to apologize in person.
You can write the kid a note, mail him a letter.
You could do it over the phone.
- But I'm not sorry.
- You don't have to mean your apology.
Just fake it if it gets people off your back.
You really think it's a good idea to teach your daughter to be insincere? Actually, you're right.
I'm sorry, Allison.
Louise, honey, I know you don't like Dylan, OK, but the principal says he's having a rough time coping.
He just sits in front of the weather channel saying, "it's coming.
It's coming.
" You know? I don't want to apologize to Dylan.
Dylan doesn't have to apologize to all the kids he picked on.
- Yeah.
She's got a point there.
- Gary, hello.
We're a team here.
- You're right.
I'm sorry.
- Thank you.
It's so easy.
Louise, honey, i'm sorry, but until you apologize, you can't go to cello or chess club, and no going to the woos house for pizza and logarithm night.
- At's not fair! - You know what? You keep up that attitude, you're not goin' to college! You think Sasha didn't listen to my demo 'cause she's into me? You know, I've been giving this some thought.
I think I got it figured out.
She's into me.
Yeah, you're a real genius there, Mitch.
That's Hey, wait a minute.
Look at this, Mitch.
I think there's a big hole in your theory.
- Impossible.
- Really? Look at this.
"Gary Brooks.
Gary Brooks.
" Sasha wrote my name, like, a hundred times on there.
Don't you see? It's true.
She's really goin' out of her way to pretend she doesn't like me.
She likes me, you dope.
Allison was right.
She's totally into me.
That's why she didn't listen to my demo.
Let's say she hires me.
It's gonna be completely confusing in the workplace, like am I her employee, or am I her lover? - Please never say, "lover," again.
- Here she comes.
Act natural.
Hi, guys.
Sorry.
I just need to grab some stuff.
Hey, would you excuse us for a second? Yeah, sure.
I'll just Head out to the truck and, grab a hammer.
I've been thinking about this whole deejay thing.
Who am I kidding? I'm in way over my head.
I'd like my demo back.
You know, if I could find it.
I might have filed it or It could be in my car.
Actually, I think it's in my pants.
And I know you didn't listen to it.
OK.
You know, I'm very busy, all right? I've got a hectic schedule, and it's not like I have the time to listen to every demo CD of every contractor that comes through I think I know what's goin' on here.
You didn't listen to my demo, because you're into me.
- What? - Yeah.
You're into me.
And it's OK.
Just you and me alone in this office.
And all those people out there who will hear me if I call out.
It's not what I'm talking about.
I found this.
You've been writin' my name all over the place, look at this.
A hundred times you wrote "Gary Brooks.
You even made cute little googly eyes of the double os.
- No one was supposed to see that.
- It's OK.
.
You know what I'll do? I'll stop wearin' clothes to work that make you wild.
I'll keep my guns in their holster.
I'll take my mojo, turn it down to low, and we'll We'll work it out together.
Well Now that my secret's out, I may as well confess.
Lay it on me.
I'm terrible with names.
Come again? I write names down over and over so that I can remember them.
Did you happen to flip the page and see these? Henry Zangara, Phil Werner, Anne Johnson.
The list goes on.
Tom Shinsky.
- Then how do you explain the look? - I what look? The look what look? The look you gave my, ex-wife, Allison.
You were starin'at her bangs, her clothes.
You're totally checkin' out her body.
That means you're into me.
Oh, my god.
OK.
You got high with Mitch and Henry.
I looked at Allison because I liked her jeans.
I thought they were cute.
Where do you get the audacity to come in here to rifle through my stuff and then make these outrageous claims? You know what? For years, I've been breathing in a lot of fumes.
You know why I didn't listen to your demo CD? Because you have no chance at getting this job.
Did it ever occur to you that the guy I hire to be my sports deejay might actually be a sports deejay? Curtis told me that, but I thought he was just, you know, trying to keep the white man down.
My suggestion to you is that you get out there and you finish the job I hired you for, or I will have one less name to rember.
- It's Gary - I know.
The kids home yet? What's that look for? Now you're not an expert on looks anymore? - What you talking about? - What I talking about? I just made a complete ass out of myself in front of Sasha.
She wasn't looking at me.
She's not into me at all.
She was lookin' at your pants.
She likes your jeans.
Really? Well, that's so sweet.
I like what she was wearing, too.
Allison.
That was the most embarrassing moment of my life.
That's all you have to say to me? Would it be weird if I called her? Well? I apologized to Dylan, but I couldn't do the insincere thing, so I said I was sorry.
Honey, we're very proud of you.
You know what that means.
Somebody gets to go to astronomy club.
And I've got good news, too.
After Louise apologized, Dylan came looking for me to kick my butt again.
Why is that good news? Cause right when I went into the turtle position I put my history book in the back of my pants, and when Dylan kicked my butt, shattered his leg in 5 places.
He has to be home-schooled the rest of the year.
- No.
God.
- No, no, no, no! I'm not gonna ask for anything.
I'm just I'm here to apologize for, like, 6 different things.
Apology accepted.
Look, I'm not this hard-ass, OK? If we were just friends hangin' out, I would say, "be a sports deejay.
Go for it.
" But I am the boss here, and everyone at this company, my dad, is expecting me to fail, so if I hired the guy painting the station to be my on-air guy, I would look like I didn't know what I was doing.
Why didn't you just tell me that in the beginning? I'm sorry.
I just haven't gotten used to crushing people's hopes and dreams.
But now that I've done it, I feel like I could be pretty good at it.
You know, if you wanna be a sports deejay, why don't you just start at the bottom and work your way up? Did you start at the bottom? My situation is entirely different, because I have a rich father who gives me things, and you You don't.
So, no, I did not work my way up.
Look, if I could do it all over again I would start at the bottom, and I'd work my way up.
But I can't.
I don't have that kind of time, so you know what I did? I took a stab in the dark.
I made a demo, and I gotta tell you something.
I think it's a damn good one.
All right? And all I ask is that you just Just put me in the mix.
That's it.
- OK.
Give me your demo.
- Are you serious? - Quick, before I change my mind.
- OK, here.
Here it is.
OK, you Are in the mix.
Congratulations.
That is a big-ass mix.
And I'm in it.
You know why she did that, right?