Hamish Macbeth (1995) s02e03 Episode Script

1
Alistair McLeod.
I feel it's time for me to move up
to a paper with more resources
and a wider readership.
Thank you.
The bulk of your experience is
on the Lochdubh And District Listener.
Yes. Obviously
this would be a challenge.
But it's a challenge I think I'm ready for.
Lochdubh. Wasn't there a big
climbing accident up there last year?
Yes. Don Maxwell.
I guessed there was
a potential story there.
- I went up on that trip.
- Really? Good.
- Thank you.
- Sorry, I don't remember your piece.
Er, no, I couldn't take full advantage
of that story.
Why not?
Well, there were reputations at stake.
You know, personal reasons.
Would you say scruples were an asset
in this business, Miss Sutherland?
There are some who would argue
reputations were there to be ruined.
- I do know my job.
- I'm sure you do.
But I suggest
you come and see me next year.
Get one or two really meaty stories
under your belt.
Thank you.
Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away
from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
And girls, they wanna have fun
Whoa, girls just wanna have
That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Oh, girls, they wanna have fun
Whoa, girls just wanna have fun
Girls, they wanna
Wanna have fun, girls
Wanna have
Just wanna, they just wanna
Girls, girls just wanna have fun
When the working day is done
Oh, girls just wanna have fun ♪
- Papa.
- Nicole.
He just came at me, Hamish.
I had no choice.
I'm sure it wasn't your fault. It's OK.
Did you see what it was?
Well, it was black.
- No, no, no, the make. The make.
- No idea.
Everything's under control, Hamish.
We'll have this all sorted in a jiffy, boy.
Look at her.
She was on her way out, Hamish,
but this is no way for her to go.
I'm sure we can get her patched up
for you, Neil.
No. No. It's all over.
I know it and she knows it.
I love this bus.
I've never told anybody that.
Do you think I'm daft, Hamish?
No.
No, I don't think you're daft.
Er, I think this might take a little bit
longer than we first thought, Hamish.
Is that Isobel?
It is Isobel.
Hamish, Lachlan, Lachie.
- Nice car, Isobel.
- Thanks. What happened to the bus?
Er, some maniac forced Neil off the road.
- Is he all right?
- A bit of shock but I'm sure he'll be fine.
Good.
- Nothing a cup of tea'll no' sort out.
- Thank heavens for tea, eh?
Aye.
Did you see her? Isobel looked amazing.
You keep your mind on your work, boy.
- Don't you think she looked amazing?
- Aye.
- Just like Demi Moore in that film.
- Now, Lachie Jr.
- What was that film?
- What film?
The one where the guy paid her a million
dollars to spend the night with him.
Hello. Hello, darling.
How are you? Hm? Are you hungry?
Testing.
Testing.
Right, this is your DJ. LJ your DJ.
Right, this is where we get groovin',
here in downtown Lochdubh.
I'm not at all sure about this, Lachlan.
The boy's got to work a few things
out of his system, eh?
So long as he disnae work the punters
out of my pub.
- That's £1.97, please.
- Thank you, Barney.
Now, you owe me two pounds for the
lottery tickets for yourself and Agnes.
- All right, call it quits.
- Right, quits it is, then.
So if you'll just give me the 3p,
I'll write it down in my wee bookie here.
- 3p.
- Thank you.
- Hi.
- Good evening, Esme. Rory.
Good evening.
Well, "The time has come,"
the Walrus said, "to talk of many things,"
like the two pounds you owe me
for this week's lottery tickets.
I've been buying them this morning.
I've been meaning to have a word
about this syndicate.
I'm not certain I want to continue
with my membership.
I'm afraid it's a bit late for that, Rory.
You see, it's all set.
The numbers are chosen.
I would have to completely rework
my whole system
to accommodate one less player,
you see.
Oh, no, no. The die is cast, I'm afraid.
But it's months since we started and
our biggest win has been ten pounds.
This is for both of us.
Thank you, Esme.
Always a pleasure.
His system! It's a lot of mumbo jumbo,
that's what it is.
Think what we could do if we win.
- Down, down, get on down.
Chance would be a fine thing.
The only thing more unlikely is Lachie Jr
becoming a successful disc jockey.
The boy's trying.
Remember how you started up, Rory?
Two shelves and a couple of tins
from that wholesaler's over in Inverness.
And now look at you.
I'm doing well, aren't I?
- You bad, bad. You bad.
What would you do, Hamish, if we won?
The lottery?
Well, I'm no' holding my breath.
Oh, come on.
Must have crossed your mind.
Must be something you want.
Big house? New car?
Well, a boat.
I always fancied a boat.
You can just jump in it
and escape to some deserted island.
We could go back to our island.
I'd like that.
Aye.
Jock.
All right, John,
I'm going to check on this bus.
Hey, Hamish, what would you do
if we won the lottery?
- Er, book a trip to Mars.
- No, seriously.
I'm serious. I'd book a trip to Mars
or anywhere where there's nae lottery.
- I'm fed up hearing about it.
- It's about time you started listening.
- Cos the syndicate's
gonna win? I don't think so.
No, but I think we are.
It's in the tea leaves.
There's not a conversation in this village
about anything else.
Well, don't say I didn't warn you.
- I'll tell you what, John.
- What?
See, if I win Actually, even if I don't win,
you know what I'm gonna buy you?
What?
A tea strainer.
Oh, come on, John, don't go in a huff.
- Right, tell me, then.
What would you buy if you won?
A house.
I'd buy a house.
Now that I'm spending less time at the
station, the caravan seems a bit small.
Aye. Erm, see you later, then, eh?
- No, you won't, actually.
- Why not?
Well, it's your special anniversary dinner
tonight.
Aye, so it is.
I'll see you tomorrow, eh?
Tomorrow.
- I don't believe it!
- You OK?
Get out of my way.
Have a nice weekend. OK, then. Cheers.
Look after yourself.
- How's yourself, Isobel?
- Fine, thanks.
Listen, any chance of getting Eddie
to develop these for me?
- Is your darkroom not working?
- Yeah, but we've no developer.
I was on my way to the Cnothan Hotel
so I thought I'd come here.
- The hotel?
- Yeah. I'm joining the gym.
- The gym?
- Yeah. And I'd quite like these in a rush.
Right. First thing Monday be all right?
I was hoping sometime today.
Today? No, that would be extra.
Fine.
- Very well.
- Will I come back in an hour?
An hour? Can you not make it two?
- You all right there?
- Yes, thanks.
Let me suggest you bring your feet up
on the bench to get more back support.
- OK, thanks.
- That's better. You won't hurt yourself.
- Sorry.
- No, it's me should be sorry.
- I suppose it is.
- Are you all right?
Yeah, I'll survive.
Would you fancy going for a drink?
Oh, no. Erm
No, I've got time.
Yeah, why not? Thanks.
There's nothing he can do, Hamish.
She was on her last legs anyway.
He's giving me a report saying she was
in good nick. There'll be some insurance.
- How much do you think they'll pay?
- Oh, about 300.
- Do you live around here?
- No.
- Do you want to sit there, yeah?
- Yeah.
Er, no. Not in Cnothan.
Lochdubh. It's not far.
So what do you do, then?
- Journalism.
- Really?
- I used to be in journalism.
- Did you?
I'm in PR now
but I started out in journalism.
It may be an exaggeration
to call the Lochdubh
And District Listener journalism.
It can't be worse
than the paper I started on.
It was a nightmare.
You know, weddings, cake competitions.
- I do cattle auctions.
- I even had to make up the horoscope.
The things we do for love, eh?
Mm. Yeah.
I'm beginning to think love
is not a good enough reason to stay.
I'm thinking of leaving.
I went for an interview today,
on a proper paper.
- Did you get it?
- No, they said I had too many scruples.
- Have you?
- Probably.
The more scruples you have,
the less you earn. It's a simple equation.
Once again I'm sorry
I crashed into you earlier.
It's OK. Don't worry.
Is there any chance
of crashing into you again?
- Erm, are you staying here?
- For a few days, yeah.
Something's come up
and I don't know how busy I'll be.
I don't have much on tomorrow.
OK.
- Will you ring me?
- Yeah, I might.
- Thanks for the drink.
- Yeah. Bye.
Bye.
Darling
Hello, Alex. The door was open.
I suppose Hamish isn't in.
No. Sorry, Isobel.
Can I take a message?
No, it's something
I need to speak to him about.
Will he be back later?
Well, I'm cooking dinner, so
- Alex, it is quite important.
- Is it a police matter?
No, it's not,
but I still need to speak to Hamish.
- Why not leave a message?
- Well, it's a favour, you know.
Don't take this the wrong way,
but this is my home.
Yeah, and it used to be
the police station.
- Isobel.
- Hamish, I'm just asking
Isobel wants to ask you a favour.
I was hoping it could wait
until tomorrow. We're nearly ready to eat.
- Forget it.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Oh, God.
Can I speak to Gary Ross, please?
Oh. Erm, in that case
can I leave him a message?
You rang, my lady.
- So what do you think?
- Where did this happen?
Up on the Glenraddich road.
It's a couple of miles north.
Who are these two fighting?
I've no idea. But when they saw me,
they came after me.
- Have you been to the police?
- No.
No, I want to find out
what's happening first.
- Find the story?
- Yeah.
Then I'll take it to the police.
Besides, our constable here,
he is his own man.
So what's the plan, then?
Well, there's a registration number
on that car, see?
I want to try and trace it.
Let me make a few calls.
- Could you?
- I've still got some journalist friends.
They've all got police contacts.
Erm, I'll give you the number.
- Hi, Isobel.
- Hiya.
I'm sorry about yesterday.
No, don't apologise, Hamish.
We all know where we stand.
Er what was it you wanted?
Oh, it was nothing.
- Am I disturbing you?
- No, not really.
- Gary?
- Hello.
This is PC Macbeth. Gary Ross.
- Pleased to meet you.
- How you doing?
- Gary's helping me with a story.
- Sutherland and Ross, eh?
Hm. Very funny.
- Well, I'll be off, then.
- Yeah, bye.
You didn't have to hide.
I didn't want to damage your reputation.
Oh, well, it's time
a few reputations were damaged.
You're not quite over him yet, are you?
No, I am.
Listen, why don't you give me
a couple of hours
and maybe I could take you for lunch?
You get the number,
I'll supply the lunch.
OK. I'll meet you,
what, at the pub, 12:30?
- OK.
- OK.
Problem, Officer?
Well, I hope not.
- Mind if I give you a bit of advice?
- I think you're gonna anyway.
You see, Isobel a bit mixed up just now.
Really? She seemed
pretty on the ball to me.
There you are, Alex. Bye, now.
- Morning, Barney.
- Alex.
- How did your dinner go last night?
- It was fine, thank you.
- Nice.
- Good.
Morning. Had you not heard
the bus is out of order?
No, we hadn't. Oh, thank you, Hamish.
We just want our lottery tickets.
- Isn't he a lovely boy?
- Oh, he's a lovely boy!
Hamish's taxi service.
- Hi, Esme.
- Oh, Alex, how did it go?
Oh, fine, thank you.
Did you have a good evening?
Hello, Alex.
If you're gonna ask me about last night
- No. No.
- Oh, good.
A romantic dinner between two people
is a private thing, not for village gossip.
Well, that's what we agreed.
- This is a very close-knit village, isn't it?
- It is, uh-huh.
- Do I fit in?
- You're the major's daughter.
That's what I mean.
Do you think I belong in the big house?
Of course you do, Alex.
- Can I have an orange juice, please?
- Certainly can.
Ah, Isobel.
I notice we haven't had the pleasure
of your company in the lottery syndicate.
No, I'm for making my own luck
at the moment, Lachlan.
Well, maybe next week, eh?
Barney, you know about cars, don't you?
Yeah.
Do you know what make this is?
Ooh, some sort of prototype.
That's not on the market yet.
Could be anything.
See, they take the grille off
and change the badge
so you can't identify the make.
Where did you get this?
I can't really say just now.
Oh, yeah? You could sell that, you know.
To magazines.
There you are.
Spy shot.
- Could I borrow this?
- Yeah, sure.
I'd like it back.
- All right, Barney?
- Hamish.
- Hi, Isobel.
- Hi.
Er, can I have a word?
I've been making a few enquiries
about your Mr Ross.
He's not my Mr Ross.
Well, it seems he's got a criminal record.
What for?
Possession of cannabis, 1986.
What,
and they've released him already?
- Oh, come on, Hamish.
- Come on, you know what I mean.
He's a smug, smarmy
- You know what I'm saying.
- No, I don't.
He treats me with respect,
takes me seriously.
- And I'm sorry but I like that.
- Any luck?
- Oh, the car.
It is rented. They're still trying
to find out who rented it.
- Do I still get lunch?
- Half a lunch. Come on.
Hamish. Hamish, just a minute, dear.
Now, listen. If you don't mind
Can I help you?
- Oh, this is really beautiful.
- Mm. Yeah, it's pretty.
If you got the kind of job you're after
you'd have to kiss all this goodbye.
It gets claustrophobic, to be honest.
- What, with all this space?
- Mm. With all this space.
There are more people living in the
borough of Camden than the Highlands.
I'd like that. Anonymity.
Ah, you're just saying that.
- You just need to be appreciated.
- True.
The Isobel Sutherland fan club
has a very limited membership.
Can I join?
Yeah.
- Can I be president?
- Shut up.
- Hamish.
- See you later.
- See you.
- Well, you know what they say.
- What do they say?
Fast man, fast car.
He's helping me with a story, Flora.
Aye. Well, I hope
you'll warn me in advance
the next time the engineers are coming.
- What engineers?
- To service the enlarger.
And me worked fairly off my feet.
- Hamish?
Hamish!
- There we are, Hamish. How do we look?
- You look fantastic.
Take it easy, now.
Er, 10, 16, 27.
And one and three, 13.
Did you get any further
with the registration?
Still no luck, I'm afraid.
A policeman will run a number check
but ringing a rental company is harder.
Yeah. Something else happened today.
What?
While we were having lunch
some men turned up at the Listener.
They pretended to be engineers
for the darkroom.
- Looking for your film?
- Yeah, I think so.
- Did they get it?
- No.
- Is it somewhere safe?
- Yeah.
- I've got a bad feeling about that one.
- Aye.
Are you going to arrest him?
It's good, John, but I cannae arrest him
on the strength of your bad feeling.
Pint.
Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands
together for Mr Rory Campbell.
- Oh, dear.
- What?
Karaoke. Do you want a go?
Only if you want to. Might be fun.
No. Let's go.
Unforgettable
That's what you are
Unforgettable
Though near or far
Like a song of love
That clings to me
How the thought of you
does things to me ♪
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- So
- So
Are you gonna kiss me?
Release those balls!
Away we go, this week's lottery draw
at twelve minutes past eight.
Stop it.
The first ball to be drawn tonight
is number three.
We've got two.
Next out, number 14.
Only been drawn twice.
- 14.
- Same line, look. Same line.
- Hamish, what's the matter?
- Nothing.
God, it's right next to 14.
And a third one. Ten pounds.
We got ten pounds tonight.
Number 20.
Number one.
Last time you've seen it was June 3rd.
Now, this one could make your weekend.
It's number 40!
And that's the number that could
make someone very, very happy tonight.
We won the lottery! Yeah!
Yes!
Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
- It could be you.
- Aye.
I'm sorry.
It's just too soon.
I understand.
- I should go now.
- No, don't do that.
Do you mind just keeping me company?
I'm sorry.
I know this sounds silly,
but those men coming to the Listener
I'm a bit frightened.
I don't think that's a very good idea, sir.
Why not?
Well, a couple of glasses of wine
in the Lochdubh, a bottle to take away,
I'd say you're miles over the limit.
I suggest you give me your car keys.
I could just arrest you for being drunk
in charge of a motor vehicle.
I'll see if Isobel
will put me up for the night.
No, come back to the station with me
and I'll give you a cell for the night.
So you're arresting me?
Did I say I was gonna arrest you?
Now, why would I want to arrest you?
Come on.
Barney.
How do you feel?
We won the lottery!
First thing tomorrow morning
I hit the shops.
Paris! New York!
Rome! Milano!
Knightsbridge!
I'm so excited! Oh!
- Oh, God.
All I'm saying is I'd like one more shop.
You know, more frontage.
- You've done nothing else
in your life, Rory.
Well, perhaps a gift shop.
You know I've always wanted
to diversify into other businesses.
It was my money bought the tickets.
I want to go on a cruise.
I want to spend some time with you.
We don't know how much we've won.
There might be enough for a cruise.
Oh, who would look after
Rory Campbell plc?
Good point. Very good point. Perhaps
we'll have to put the cruise on hold.
Could we build a little place
on that island? Do we need permission?
I don't know, darling.
I'm going to check that out tomorrow.
Eh? What do you think?
Alex, look
Sometimes I feel as though
I need somewhere that I can
Sometimes I'm just pretty bad company.
You know what I mean?
What are you saying?
I'm saying sometimes I feel the walls
are just pressing in on me here.
When you talked about escaping,
did you mean from me?
No. Why should it mean fae you?
I just meant escaping, that's it.
Gary?
I was wondering what the price
for your cooking oil was.
On a Sunday?
So if, when you get this message,
you could let me know, please.
My name is Meldrum
and the number is 01955
Sorry about that, Zoot. It's the missus.
Now, look. About this Roman
theme weekend. How much is it?
And for that, all the girls
That's what I'd heard.
And the Emperor's Suite,
how much is that?
And for that you get
Emperor's privileges?
No, it's not too dear.
Look, you reserve the Emperor's Suite
and I'll confirm it tomorrow. OK?
We've got four drums of cooking oil.
I've just been informed that we actually
are amply supplied with cooking oil,
but if you wouldn't mind sending
the price list anyway. Thank you.
"Casa Zoot's Roman Theme Weekend."
I was going to invite you too.
Darling!
Esmus! Esmus!
- What?
- I need the lavatory.
Tough.
Of course it's not big, but
when you've been used to a caravan
No, no, it's a good size.
- Mind if I had a look in the bathroom?
- Not at all.
- How much did you win, by the way?
- Well, we don't know that yet
Because I was thinking
maybe we've underpriced the cottage.
What do you mean?
I've been advised to ask
for a wee bit more.
How much more?
Hamish?
Yeah?
Who's in the cell?
Er, drink-driver, kind of.
Just tell me one thing.
Is that the man who was with Isobel?
- Yes.
- Fine.
- Come here.
- What?
You lock someone up for seeing Isobel?
No, I'm not arresting him.
I just gave him a bed for the night.
Did you kick his headlights in as well?
Oh, dear.
Butterfingers.
- I said I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
- Barney.
- John.
- Give us a pint, will you?
- Right.
- Had any thoughts about what you
- Oh, don't ask.
- Rory.
- I've come to use the lavatory.
- Help yourself.
- It's Esme.
Say no more.
Gary.
Ladies and gentlemen of Lochdubh,
I have some bad news.
Oh, no, no, that's not it.
Friends friends That's better.
Friends of Lochdubh,
I have some disappointing news
regarding our recent win on the lottery.
Lachlan McCrae, you are a total plonker!
Plonker! Plonker! Plonker!
- Hamish!
Aye.
Listen, I know, I'm sorry. He's in the cell.
- Gary?
- Aye.
- Good.
- What?
- Hiya, Lachlan.
- Hamish.
See, what it is, I've got myself
into a bit of a corner, you know.
You know, I trusted you.
- I took you into my house.
- I'm really sorry, Isobel.
What can I say? It's just the game.
No, what's the game? What?
You lie and you cheat your way
into people's lives.
- Just for a few photos.
- Embarrassing photos.
Our new car in a ditch.
The UK boss whacking the designer.
That would really help the launch.
Get real, Isobel.
Oh, come on. Me get real?
Those photographs are worth a lot more
to us than they could ever be to you.
You could be a lot richer today
than you were yesterday.
The only thing that disappoints me,
it's not a big enough story.
It's not big enough to blow you and your
stinking company clean out of the water.
No, but it's big enough
to lose me my job.
Oh, well, there's always
the cake competitions to fall back on.
He's all yours, Hamish.
Charge him with theft from my house
and conspiracy to burgle the Listener.
Ask if he knows anything
about running Neil off the road.
What's the matter with him?
You are looking at a dead man.
Have you ever had that thought
he's sleeping
and you've got a big pair of scissors
and you're so angry with him, you just
cut it off?
Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Well, we won.
- Yes.
Hm.
Come on, everybody.
This is supposed to be a celebration.
How about a little music
to get this show on the road?
I take it that's a no, then.
Ladies and gentlemen, a big hand for
the man who organised this syndicate,
my dad, Mr Lachlan
Hey, folks. Well, well
Ladies and gentlemen of Lochdubh,
friends of Lochdubh
and indeed myself and Lachie Jr here
See, what it is, I've got a wee confession
to make to you all.
I was helping Neil get the bus
out of the ditch the other day
and I threw my coat on the ground, see,
and our winning lottery ticket,
it was in the pocket
it definitely was in the pocket
of the jacket.
Thank you, Hamish, I
Listen
I think what Lachlan's
trying to say is that, erm
maybe we haven't won the lottery
after all.
- What?
- But there's good news here.
What sort of good news?
The lottery was worth millions.
Aye.
Lachlan here has managed to persuade
an anonymous benefactor
to replace the community bus.
- And it's a brand-new bus.
- Holy smoke!
- A bus?
- A bus.
A brand brand-new bus.
- So when will I get the negatives?
- When we get the bus.
You owe us, Gary.
You did run it off the road.
- How do I know you won't publish?
- You don't.
You're losing a few of those scruples
now, aren't you?
No, I don't think so.
A new bus is worth more to the village
than this story is to my career.
A simple equation.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Friends?
Friends.
I'll wash and you serve?
We'll both serve.
I'll wash later.
Don't say it.
"I told you so."
I told you so.
He could have been Gandhi
and I wouldnae have liked him.
You wouldn't have locked him up,
though.
I don't know.
- Hamish?