High Maintenance (2016) s02e03 Episode Script
Namaste
1 [R&B music plays.]
I'm scared enough Feel like we're sinking so deep Oh, baby boy What they don't know, they won't see Hearing it on the radio, they're trying to reach us The last one I bought had a branch the size of my pinky.
You need to give me a discount.
When you getting vape pens? When I give you a discount.
Never.
Look, I'm just trying to help you out, D.
'Cause these white boys, they got edibles, oils, vape pens.
I'm just saying, bruh, you need to step your game up.
Nah.
You're right.
But let me ask you, though, you think those white boys gonna come to your crib when you drunk-dial them at 3:00 in the morning and wait outside for a half hour while you're passed out in the bathtub [laughing.]
then get cussed out 'cause you forgot you called and have no idea why Damien is banging on your window at what's now 3:30 in the morning Here, I apologize only to find out you ain't got no cash on you 'cause you left your purse at the ATM? Which is like leaving your teeth at the dentist, by the way.
Okay, I get it.
But am I tripping? Nah.
'Cause it's "D," right? [cell phone chimes.]
I'ma hold you down.
That's the type of shit that - Fuck! I gotta go, yo.
- What's up? - You got a lighter? - Yo, like, seriously? You got to go too, so I don't know why you sitting down.
I got a client.
You out here leaving Yelp reviews while your life is falling apart.
- Yo, seriously.
Come on.
- Step your game up, Regine.
Hey, hey, hey, watch the beatin'.
That's disrespectful.
Come on, man! Okay.
[indistinct chatter.]
[laughs.]
I got my head on a dip - Hey.
- Hey.
And the number four [phone camera clicks.]
I probably give my seat - Moe.
- Hey, baby.
I heard your son was looking for a spot.
I'm a hard working hand What can I help you with today? Thank you so much for waiting.
If you'll just come to my desk, I'll get you some amazing listings.
Are we talking about commercial properties or residential properties? Trust me.
Buying a brownstone in Brooklyn is the way to go.
I'm actually trying to do it myself.
'Cause I'm a hard working hand [door rattles, opens.]
Okay.
Oh, this is great.
Yes! Yeah, I like it.
Brandnew hardwood floors.
- They're beautiful.
- Top-of-the-line appliances.
Oh, fun fact: This building was actually a stop on the Underground Railroad.
- Are you serious? - What? Yes.
Historical landmark.
- That's amazing.
- Yes! Now, check out this bedroom, you guys.
- Look at this closet.
- The priority.
- It's gonna blow your mind, girl.
- Let's see if I can fit my things.
Oh, this is good.
- It's spacious, right? Yeah.
- This is totally doable.
The mantle, I think, is so classy.
- A statement piece.
- Yeah.
- Very beautiful.
- Yeah.
If you want this unit, it's the last one in the building, and it's yours.
- What you think? - It's great.
- We we just need a few days to - Yeah, I like it.
We're good for the deposit.
I just need a few days to get the letter from my new boss.
- I have old pay stubs, but - No worries.
If you need a few days, old pay stub is fine.
- I got you.
This is BK.
- Word? - My people.
I got you.
- [Roger chuckles.]
I appreciate it.
- We appreciate that, for real.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
- This is great! Thank you so much.
- Yeah, this is dope.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
See you.
We'll see what happens.
[door alarm chimes.]
Thank you.
[man speaks Arabic.]
Can I get three loosies? [register beeps.]
- Oh, what up, Regine? - Hey.
- Yo, my cousin's selling his place.
- Boy, bye.
Yo, for real this time.
[laughs.]
Twenty dollars, I can hook you up with it! A job will give you $20 too! Yo, Mr.
C.
And here I thought you had forgotten about me.
Now how could I forget about you? I was just at work, trying to get this paper up, so maybe I can buy this beautiful spot off of you someday.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
You sound just like the Jew, ringing my doorbell every goddamn minute of the day.
[both chuckle.]
This morning I answered the door, "As-salaam alaikum, my brother.
" [laughs.]
He damn near shit in his pants.
[both laugh.]
Oh, you think that's funny, huh? Well, let me tell you something.
Between them and them goddamn Ornamentals out there, buying up all the property, black man ain't gonna have no place to live.
Shoot.
A black woman ain't gonna have no place to live either, unless you hook a sista up.
At least whenever you ready to sell.
You know, just don't leave me out here in the streets.
You see how they did my pops.
Well, look, I got you a little something.
You want me to put it inside? Oh, we like family.
Stop tripping.
[chuckles.]
[kids shouting playfully outside.]
Yes, I did get your fax of the tax return, but, sir, like, this is useless if [cell phone rings.]
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm gonna have to call you in a minute.
All right.
All right, bye.
Blech.
[Clatters.]
[clicks.]
Roger, yo, I really need that proof of employment.
Can you give it to me by the end of the day tomorrow maybe? [whispers.]
Yo, Josh, hold on.
Hold on.
[normal voice.]
Yeah.
Okay, cool.
Let me call you back.
Yo, Josh.
Hook your girl up, man.
Thank you.
Mmm! I'ma get my own, but you gotta hook that shit up, bruh.
Mmhmm.
All right, keep doing that.
[woman panting.]
Yeah.
More.
And you pinch it.
[moans.]
[knocking on door.]
Hey, Justin, are you in there? - Don't come in.
- Okay.
Can you come upstairs? - We're having a house meeting.
- What? - Hurry.
- [sighs.]
He's coming.
Okay, I don't want to make a big deal out of it.
- Totally.
- Oh, hey, brother.
You're back already? Yeah, I'm back.
Not happy about it, though.
- Oh shit.
What's up? - I've been here three times today, man.
You ordered, and then he ordered about two hours later, and then now I'm back here again a third time.
[Laughs.]
Isn't it crazy? David called, and then I literally called like 10 minutes later.
[laughter.]
That's so funny.
Yeah, it's crazy.
I just wanna figure something else out, because I can't keep coming here multiple times in a day.
So if I already called you, I should call you from work - and get you to deliver there instead? - Mmm! Perfect.
I mean, you don't have to move.
You guys can just talk and coordinate, right? Well, this is the most we've seen each other in months.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Right now? - Yeah.
[cell phone buzzes.]
Yeah.
Well, I understand how that can go sometimes.
Okay, I got an idea.
How about next time you come, you just knock on our doors and, like, ask if we need anything.
- Yeah.
- Smart.
Okay.
Hello.
How are you? - Oh, hey.
You know, fine.
- Nice to meet you, man.
Nice to meet you too.
- All right.
So - Okay.
- What you need? - Ooh! Okay.
If you want flowers, these are all 50.
These gummies are 20, not so strong.
But these cookies are much stronger.
These are 25.
And these pre-rolls are 15.
And the vape pens I got an indica and I got a sativa, and they're both 50.
[inhales hard.]
[clicks tongue.]
Sativa.
Going up.
All right, cool.
On a Tuesday.
I really like your labels.
Oh, yeah, thanks.
Yeah, I like to change it up every now and then, - you know, rebrand, see what works.
- Smart.
Thank you, thank you.
You good with just the pen? - Yeah.
- All right.
That's 50.
Okay.
- All right.
Thanks.
- You looking for a place? You know, not actively, but, uh You like your apartment? Uh, it's okay.
It's not the greatest.
You know, there's no washing machine in the building, there's not a great grocery store, but whatever, it's fine.
What are you doing right now? Um You know, working.
Why? There is an amazing apartment just a block away from here.
You really should see it.
I mean, I thought about moving there myself, but I'm really looking to buy my next place.
So, I'm just saying there's brand-new hardwood floors, top-of-the-line appliances, a historical landmark, you know? It was a stop on the Underground Railroad.
Oh wow.
Which stop? [chuckles.]
I'm just joking.
[laughs.]
Well, yeah, I don't know.
You said, "Moving," and then I thought about packing, and then I thought, "Someone's gonna have to take over my lease," and it kind of made my butt cheeks clench, so I don't know.
I don't think it's the moment, but I'll give you a call if I decide I want to.
I feel you, but look, you have my card, so any time, I got you.
Bring your awareness to your sitz bones and allow your root chakra to become one with the Earth.
Plant yourself.
Ground yourself.
Nowhere to go.
No one to see.
Nothing to do.
Just be here in this moment.
Accept the universe's abundance.
And breathe.
Inhale the miracle that is this beautiful existence and exhale peace.
The rest will fall into place.
Namaste.
Namaste.
Now, thank yourself for coming to your mat today.
[speaks Arabic.]
[hip-hop music playing over stereo.]
You got that at Whole Foods? [laughs.]
You cheating on me with Whole Foods now? Oh, you can't even talk now? [inhales.]
Damn, Regine.
It's like that? [laughs.]
How's it make you feel? Getting your Maya Angelou step on, girl? [Laughs.]
You feel like a brand-new you? Does it taste like kombucha, baby? Key Foods did you fine, baby.
Regine.
What's a matter, girl? - Motherfucker.
- What the fuck? You all right? Lemme see that downward-facing dog.
[sighs.]
Mmm! [indistinct chatter.]
Hey, guys, we covered the canvassing schedule, so that's good.
Okay, so tomorrow, we're gonna discuss potential new community engagement projects, so just be ready with those.
Okay, unless anybody has anything else Crickets.
[all chuckle.]
Okay.
Candace and John, you guys are on dishes tonight.
Right on.
Yay.
And before we share gratitudes, Ayasha and Cole last word is yours tonight.
- Oh, it's too sad, you guys.
- I know.
I know.
So, as most of you know we're finally fucking doing it.
Yes, yes, we are.
And that means this is our last month with you all.
- I'm sorry.
It's just - It's okay.
We're going to miss you guys a lot.
- We're gonna miss you.
- Yup.
But the farm has a ton of room, beautiful trees, and good fresh air, and light.
So you can all stay with us whenever, like, whenever.
Someone's trying to get free labor out of you guys.
[laughter.]
Gladly.
- It's a big garden.
- Aww.
Um, and we have some other news too.
[clears throat.]
What? - We're pregnant! - Oh my God! I knew it! I knew it! [excited chattering.]
- Cheers, cheers.
- Drink up.
Cheers, cheers, cheers.
Yeah, we've got community engagement, communal meals.
We got weird workshops.
There's even game night.
You know, it kind of all just reminds me of the co-ops in college.
Oh, don't forget to wash those eggshells, Boo.
- Oh yeah, I will.
- How fucking awesome would it be to go back to college and actually go to class and learn some shit? Well, we've got these workshops here, man.
You should move your ass in here.
We have a spot.
No, I mean, like, what if I could be my 22-year-old body - with my 33-year-old mind.
- Yeah, like Benjamin Button.
Yeah, I mean like a Benjamin Button situation.
Mmm.
- Or Freaky Friday.
- Yeah, but see, here's the thing.
'Cause then your mom's gonna be like nursing some weird-ass old man-baby when you get young-old, old-young, whatever it is.
Some babies look like old men.
It's okay.
Yes, they do.
It's true.
Babies are kind of gross.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Listen, I wasn't really thinking about moving.
But it might be nice to change things up a bit, - get some company around, you know? - Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
Not live down the hall from your ex-wife anymore.
We share a vacuum.
[Candace laughs, coughs.]
- It works out very nicely.
- Yeah, we got one.
You don't need that vacuum.
- You don't need that vacuum.
- But hers is a Dyson.
Ours is a Dyson.
I'm like, "No.
Ew.
I hate meatpie.
" - So can I get you guys anything else? - We're fine, thank you.
Great.
That's just, like, right here And so I see him - whenever you're ready for it.
- Thank you.
So, I see him all the time, and every time I walk by, he's like, "Are you hungry?" [whispers.]
Are you kidding me? I think we should ask them if they can refill ketchup bottles.
You know what? I'm just gonna turn the music off.
That should get the point across.
Don't fuck with your tips, girl.
[music stops.]
I'm in this beautiful dress, and I get in the cab, and the meat pie guy is right there.
No.
[chattering continues.]
Oblivious.
[group laughs, chatters.]
This is a message from the New York City Department of Housing Preservation and Development.
Your application to the Affordable Housing Lottery has been selected for approval.
- Please call us back at your - Holy shit.
To schedule your move-in date.
This is fucking baller.
You guys know Greenpoint? [elevator dings.]
We ride our bikes through it sometimes on the way to PS1, - but not really hanging out there.
- People love it.
Great waterfront, bars, restaurants, McCarren Park, Peter Pan Donuts.
You guys like pierogies? Mmm.
Yeah.
[elevator dings.]
[indistinct chatter.]
- Is that a yoga class? - Yeah, but the gym and sauna are for NSR.
- N-S-what? - Non-subsidized residents.
Okay.
That's nice.
Oh, nice, big closet.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, I mean, it's kind of small, but yeah, it's fine.
Smaller than our old place.
Smaller than any of the places we've lived in ever.
Yeah, but it's also $850 a month, so you're gonna be able to get an art studio.
That's cool.
This is just some tax write-off for some really rich building owner.
You know what I mean? It's like this is low-income housing.
Uh-huh.
Yup.
And we are low-income, so for now, we are low-income and we have a dishwasher.
That is grown-up shit.
That's good.
What's this? [traffic sounds.]
[chuckles.]
Oh yes.
[bird chirping.]
Oh, this is my window.
You better make sure you have permission to use this amenity.
Oh yeah, you can use those.
[Candace clears throat.]
[mouthing.]
That will be nice.
That will be very nice.
Yes.
Okay.
[Candace gasps.]
Oh.
Oh my God.
I haven't had a bath in 10 years.
It's gonna be good.
You're gonna like that, okay? Go ahead.
Thank you.
Why are we carrying this around? That's got a backgammon board inside of it.
Hey, Boo.
Yes.
Hold on.
[grunts.]
Do we have room for this sweet baby? [elevator dings.]
- Uh umm.
- No.
Hold on, hold on.
Back up, back up, back.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Uhhuh.
[man sighs.]
A little bit.
[beeps, chirps.]
Excuse me.
Yeah, coming through.
Like above the bed? What what about there? What about there? Come to this corner, this reinforced corner, there's always a stud on the corner.
With a toggle bolt? You love a toggle bolt.
Yeah, there's no swinging capacity.
[clatters.]
Shit.
- That's okay.
- Oh look.
[distant siren wails.]
And forward.
And up.
And forward.
[knocks on door.]
There's no smoking inside the building, sir.
I wasn't smoking.
[child crying.]
[beeps, chimes.]
[elevator dinging.]
[dings.]
[beeps, chimes.]
[chatter, laughter.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
[clatters.]
Shoot.
Sorry.
- I love your shoes.
- Oh, thank you.
So, how long are you guys gonna be in Cuba? - Thirteen days.
- Maybe longer.
Maybe longer.
Yeah.
You know.
We're just gonna play it by ear.
You know what I mean? If we can get a sitter for Persimmon.
- Cool.
- That's really lucky.
This chicken is bomb! Oh, it's a meal delivery service thing.
It's super easy.
Oh, if you want, I have a code for a free week.
Oh, yeah.
So, what gallery are you with, John? Oh, um, actually, I'm between places right now.
Cool, very cool.
Well, you should show me your work.
- I know a lot of people.
- Oh.
Wow.
Okay.
Yeah, cool.
No problem, man.
- You guys want another round? - Yeah, yeah, I'll take another one.
- Harp, I'll, uh, I'll grab the whiskey.
- Oh, good idea.
This is actually, uh, a friend of ours who owns this distillery.
- Oh, cool.
- So we get this stuff by the truckload.
Oh, you guys should take a bottle, right, Logan? - Oh, totally.
- No, really? - Yeah.
- Wow.
Thank you so much.
- That's really generous.
- Sure.
[chuckles.]
I mean and I mean this bears saying, thank you again for inviting us over.
I really appreciate it.
You guys are like our, um You're like the first people we've met in the building who are actually nice to us, you know? [Chuckles.]
- Cheers.
- Chin-chin.
[chuckles.]
Uh, eye contact, eye contact, eye contact.
[laughter.]
Mmm.
Mmm.
- That was good.
- Yeah.
So, I don't know, since you guys are gonna be out of town this weekend, do you think we could borrow your key fob? Uh, what? Uh, you know, like, your fob for the sauna, the gym, and stuff, you know? Um Oh, you know what? The building has gotten so weird about lending that out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No.
- I mean, I would - No.
No.
No.
[chuckles.]
Sorry, I Sorry, guys.
We just We wanna stay on good terms - with all our neighbors.
- Yeah.
Understood.
[chuckles.]
Guys, you know we would in a heartbeat Oh, of course.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Don't apologize.
- We would in a heartbeat.
- We would in a second.
- Yeah.
Can't blame a girl for trying, right? [laughter.]
[titters.]
Uh, excuse me.
I have to pee.
[whispers.]
Oh, what the fuck is that? Oh shit.
[phone clicks.]
You know? [Chuckles.]
Yeah, I mean, flip a little Moleskin, when it's over with, see if we can get a best-seller out of it.
[laughs.]
[clicks.]
- Bye, have a great trip this weekend.
- Good luck, guys.
- Stay safe, you know? - Oh, thanks.
[door closes.]
[sighs.]
Well, that was fun till it wasn't.
[clicks tongue.]
Yeah, well [phone clicks.]
you know sometimes you gotta deal with the devil to get a sauna code.
[chuckles.]
[phone buzzes.]
Hey, man.
What's up? I've got two words for you: - Sauna.
Martini.
- Next time! Ah.
Hot sauna party.
Sounds pretty good.
- Wanna come over? - Yeah, be over there soon.
I'm watching this guy, and I have to introduce myself to him.
- He's lassoing.
- Sounds dangerous.
It's hard work, but it's honest work.
- Yeah.
All right, man, I'll see you then.
- All right.
[snaps.]
Yeah! There you go! Thank you.
[indistinct chatter.]
[elevator dings.]
- Hello.
- Evening, sir.
- Hi.
- How can I help you? I'm here to see Candace and John in apartment, uh - 332.
- 332.
- Sign here, please.
Name and time in.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- 332? [phone clicking.]
- Hello.
- Hi.
Ben is here to see you.
Ben? Yeah, are you expecting a Ben Button? - [John laughs.]
Yeah, Ben.
Send him up.
- Ah, good.
- It's okay.
- Okay.
Ah.
Excuse me.
You wrote, "10:00" - Uhhuh.
- And it's actually, uh, 10:23.
- Oh.
What a mistake.
Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
- Time flies.
- It does, doesn't it? - Crossing it out.
- Yes, that's perfect.
- You're perfect.
- Thank you.
- Have a good night.
- Have a nice evening, Mr.
Button.
[chuckles.]
Yeah, you too.
[tape ripping.]
I didn't know that normies were saving their placentas and their umbillical cords too.
But aren't you supposed to refrigerate it or something? - I thought you were supposed to eat it.
- You're supposed to eat it? [tape rips.]
I'm sorry.
This sploof does not work.
- I don't even know why we're doing it.
- Dude, just work with me here.
I haven't made one since middle school, so maybe I made it wrong.
Why don't we just open these windows? They're so big and lush.
Because.
Because we got caught by the security guard.
- Uhoh.
- Boner killer.
Yeah, it sucks.
Hey.
Do you want our hammock? - Oh, no, I can't.
- Yeah, you can.
Maybe I can take your hammock.
You can take it.
- Oh, she's beautiful.
- Thank you.
- What's her name? - Trisha.
- She'll rock you to sleep.
- This is so kind.
Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.
- I celebrate you.
[titters.]
[laughs.]
I just think I want my son's to look like mine, so he won't have a complex or something.
Do you think that's actually gonna be a problem? I mean, is that normal for a son to compare his dick to his dad's? It's not just the comparing.
It's also cleanliness, smegma.
- Yeah.
[Gags.]
- Who wants to deal with that? It's gotta be really traumatic for a baby.
Yeah, I mean, it's mutilation.
I always talk about dad genitals with you guys.
- Dad-gens come up a lot.
- [laughs.]
Dad-gens.
We've gotten that criticism before.
[laughs.]
[titters.]
- Ooh.
What the fuck is that? - Oh, I'm trying out a new laugh.
You might wanna workshop it a little further.
I was trying to do a laugh for a while where I was like [laughs.]
[laughs.]
That sounds real.
That sounds official.
[deep laugh.]
Yeah, it is like Nelly-level hot in here, y'all.
I think I'm gonna have to go soon.
- I got like two minutes.
- Yeah, it's pretty cool, though.
You guys did a real good job with this new place.
- This is Jackpot City.
- I know.
Welcome to Jackpot City.
Yeah.
Population: three.
[laughter.]
Hey, guys, you can't be up in here.
- Oh shit.
- No, yes, we can.
We live here.
Sit.
You live on the third floor.
The amenities are for Man, that is bullshit! - Hey, Boo.
Boo.
- You know it.
No.
No.
No! Hey! [Hits bench.]
Sit down! Oh.
You can't just go around separating people by amenities.
This is supposed to be a community.
And if you're gonna draw hard lines in the sand about who can use the sauna and who can use the roof deck, and who can park their fucking bike in the bike room like, economic oppression is a real problem in this country.
It's actually, in fact, one of our biggest problems, and we have a big class divide, and it's just getting worse, every day.
And I don't know why you're trying to be on that side - when you should be on my - Jesus Christ! Just wrap it up soon, okay? [titters.]
[laughter.]
Oh fuck.
It's hot.
Oh yeah, I don't feel good.
Oh man, I'm gonna puke.
[clears throat.]
Really? - Yeah, really.
- Oh, I'm gonna stay.
- We fought for it.
- Yup.
Enjoy it, man.
[elevator dings.]
[sputtering percussive rhythm.]
Good night, man.
[running footsteps.]
[water dripping.]
What you thinking, Boo? I was thinking about Ayasha and Cole's baby.
Oh, we don't have to talk about that.
No, I'm not talking about trying to have a kid.
I was saying if they would let us borrow it a couple of times, maybe we could use it and get ourselves a two-bedroom up in here.
[chuckles.]
What do you think about that? Huh? Always hatching a plan.
Yeah.
Just trying to game the system before it plays me.
[chuckles.]
- Hey.
- Mmm? - What's that sound? - What? [fart burbles.]
[laughs.]
- Oh God.
- That was a good one.
That was a good one.
It reverberated all the way up my back.
[both laugh.]
Ooh, my [laughs.]
Much too far For our relationship We're lost In translation Fall too far For our relationship I'm lost In translation
I'm scared enough Feel like we're sinking so deep Oh, baby boy What they don't know, they won't see Hearing it on the radio, they're trying to reach us The last one I bought had a branch the size of my pinky.
You need to give me a discount.
When you getting vape pens? When I give you a discount.
Never.
Look, I'm just trying to help you out, D.
'Cause these white boys, they got edibles, oils, vape pens.
I'm just saying, bruh, you need to step your game up.
Nah.
You're right.
But let me ask you, though, you think those white boys gonna come to your crib when you drunk-dial them at 3:00 in the morning and wait outside for a half hour while you're passed out in the bathtub [laughing.]
then get cussed out 'cause you forgot you called and have no idea why Damien is banging on your window at what's now 3:30 in the morning Here, I apologize only to find out you ain't got no cash on you 'cause you left your purse at the ATM? Which is like leaving your teeth at the dentist, by the way.
Okay, I get it.
But am I tripping? Nah.
'Cause it's "D," right? [cell phone chimes.]
I'ma hold you down.
That's the type of shit that - Fuck! I gotta go, yo.
- What's up? - You got a lighter? - Yo, like, seriously? You got to go too, so I don't know why you sitting down.
I got a client.
You out here leaving Yelp reviews while your life is falling apart.
- Yo, seriously.
Come on.
- Step your game up, Regine.
Hey, hey, hey, watch the beatin'.
That's disrespectful.
Come on, man! Okay.
[indistinct chatter.]
[laughs.]
I got my head on a dip - Hey.
- Hey.
And the number four [phone camera clicks.]
I probably give my seat - Moe.
- Hey, baby.
I heard your son was looking for a spot.
I'm a hard working hand What can I help you with today? Thank you so much for waiting.
If you'll just come to my desk, I'll get you some amazing listings.
Are we talking about commercial properties or residential properties? Trust me.
Buying a brownstone in Brooklyn is the way to go.
I'm actually trying to do it myself.
'Cause I'm a hard working hand [door rattles, opens.]
Okay.
Oh, this is great.
Yes! Yeah, I like it.
Brandnew hardwood floors.
- They're beautiful.
- Top-of-the-line appliances.
Oh, fun fact: This building was actually a stop on the Underground Railroad.
- Are you serious? - What? Yes.
Historical landmark.
- That's amazing.
- Yes! Now, check out this bedroom, you guys.
- Look at this closet.
- The priority.
- It's gonna blow your mind, girl.
- Let's see if I can fit my things.
Oh, this is good.
- It's spacious, right? Yeah.
- This is totally doable.
The mantle, I think, is so classy.
- A statement piece.
- Yeah.
- Very beautiful.
- Yeah.
If you want this unit, it's the last one in the building, and it's yours.
- What you think? - It's great.
- We we just need a few days to - Yeah, I like it.
We're good for the deposit.
I just need a few days to get the letter from my new boss.
- I have old pay stubs, but - No worries.
If you need a few days, old pay stub is fine.
- I got you.
This is BK.
- Word? - My people.
I got you.
- [Roger chuckles.]
I appreciate it.
- We appreciate that, for real.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
- This is great! Thank you so much.
- Yeah, this is dope.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
See you.
We'll see what happens.
[door alarm chimes.]
Thank you.
[man speaks Arabic.]
Can I get three loosies? [register beeps.]
- Oh, what up, Regine? - Hey.
- Yo, my cousin's selling his place.
- Boy, bye.
Yo, for real this time.
[laughs.]
Twenty dollars, I can hook you up with it! A job will give you $20 too! Yo, Mr.
C.
And here I thought you had forgotten about me.
Now how could I forget about you? I was just at work, trying to get this paper up, so maybe I can buy this beautiful spot off of you someday.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
You sound just like the Jew, ringing my doorbell every goddamn minute of the day.
[both chuckle.]
This morning I answered the door, "As-salaam alaikum, my brother.
" [laughs.]
He damn near shit in his pants.
[both laugh.]
Oh, you think that's funny, huh? Well, let me tell you something.
Between them and them goddamn Ornamentals out there, buying up all the property, black man ain't gonna have no place to live.
Shoot.
A black woman ain't gonna have no place to live either, unless you hook a sista up.
At least whenever you ready to sell.
You know, just don't leave me out here in the streets.
You see how they did my pops.
Well, look, I got you a little something.
You want me to put it inside? Oh, we like family.
Stop tripping.
[chuckles.]
[kids shouting playfully outside.]
Yes, I did get your fax of the tax return, but, sir, like, this is useless if [cell phone rings.]
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm gonna have to call you in a minute.
All right.
All right, bye.
Blech.
[Clatters.]
[clicks.]
Roger, yo, I really need that proof of employment.
Can you give it to me by the end of the day tomorrow maybe? [whispers.]
Yo, Josh, hold on.
Hold on.
[normal voice.]
Yeah.
Okay, cool.
Let me call you back.
Yo, Josh.
Hook your girl up, man.
Thank you.
Mmm! I'ma get my own, but you gotta hook that shit up, bruh.
Mmhmm.
All right, keep doing that.
[woman panting.]
Yeah.
More.
And you pinch it.
[moans.]
[knocking on door.]
Hey, Justin, are you in there? - Don't come in.
- Okay.
Can you come upstairs? - We're having a house meeting.
- What? - Hurry.
- [sighs.]
He's coming.
Okay, I don't want to make a big deal out of it.
- Totally.
- Oh, hey, brother.
You're back already? Yeah, I'm back.
Not happy about it, though.
- Oh shit.
What's up? - I've been here three times today, man.
You ordered, and then he ordered about two hours later, and then now I'm back here again a third time.
[Laughs.]
Isn't it crazy? David called, and then I literally called like 10 minutes later.
[laughter.]
That's so funny.
Yeah, it's crazy.
I just wanna figure something else out, because I can't keep coming here multiple times in a day.
So if I already called you, I should call you from work - and get you to deliver there instead? - Mmm! Perfect.
I mean, you don't have to move.
You guys can just talk and coordinate, right? Well, this is the most we've seen each other in months.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Right now? - Yeah.
[cell phone buzzes.]
Yeah.
Well, I understand how that can go sometimes.
Okay, I got an idea.
How about next time you come, you just knock on our doors and, like, ask if we need anything.
- Yeah.
- Smart.
Okay.
Hello.
How are you? - Oh, hey.
You know, fine.
- Nice to meet you, man.
Nice to meet you too.
- All right.
So - Okay.
- What you need? - Ooh! Okay.
If you want flowers, these are all 50.
These gummies are 20, not so strong.
But these cookies are much stronger.
These are 25.
And these pre-rolls are 15.
And the vape pens I got an indica and I got a sativa, and they're both 50.
[inhales hard.]
[clicks tongue.]
Sativa.
Going up.
All right, cool.
On a Tuesday.
I really like your labels.
Oh, yeah, thanks.
Yeah, I like to change it up every now and then, - you know, rebrand, see what works.
- Smart.
Thank you, thank you.
You good with just the pen? - Yeah.
- All right.
That's 50.
Okay.
- All right.
Thanks.
- You looking for a place? You know, not actively, but, uh You like your apartment? Uh, it's okay.
It's not the greatest.
You know, there's no washing machine in the building, there's not a great grocery store, but whatever, it's fine.
What are you doing right now? Um You know, working.
Why? There is an amazing apartment just a block away from here.
You really should see it.
I mean, I thought about moving there myself, but I'm really looking to buy my next place.
So, I'm just saying there's brand-new hardwood floors, top-of-the-line appliances, a historical landmark, you know? It was a stop on the Underground Railroad.
Oh wow.
Which stop? [chuckles.]
I'm just joking.
[laughs.]
Well, yeah, I don't know.
You said, "Moving," and then I thought about packing, and then I thought, "Someone's gonna have to take over my lease," and it kind of made my butt cheeks clench, so I don't know.
I don't think it's the moment, but I'll give you a call if I decide I want to.
I feel you, but look, you have my card, so any time, I got you.
Bring your awareness to your sitz bones and allow your root chakra to become one with the Earth.
Plant yourself.
Ground yourself.
Nowhere to go.
No one to see.
Nothing to do.
Just be here in this moment.
Accept the universe's abundance.
And breathe.
Inhale the miracle that is this beautiful existence and exhale peace.
The rest will fall into place.
Namaste.
Namaste.
Now, thank yourself for coming to your mat today.
[speaks Arabic.]
[hip-hop music playing over stereo.]
You got that at Whole Foods? [laughs.]
You cheating on me with Whole Foods now? Oh, you can't even talk now? [inhales.]
Damn, Regine.
It's like that? [laughs.]
How's it make you feel? Getting your Maya Angelou step on, girl? [Laughs.]
You feel like a brand-new you? Does it taste like kombucha, baby? Key Foods did you fine, baby.
Regine.
What's a matter, girl? - Motherfucker.
- What the fuck? You all right? Lemme see that downward-facing dog.
[sighs.]
Mmm! [indistinct chatter.]
Hey, guys, we covered the canvassing schedule, so that's good.
Okay, so tomorrow, we're gonna discuss potential new community engagement projects, so just be ready with those.
Okay, unless anybody has anything else Crickets.
[all chuckle.]
Okay.
Candace and John, you guys are on dishes tonight.
Right on.
Yay.
And before we share gratitudes, Ayasha and Cole last word is yours tonight.
- Oh, it's too sad, you guys.
- I know.
I know.
So, as most of you know we're finally fucking doing it.
Yes, yes, we are.
And that means this is our last month with you all.
- I'm sorry.
It's just - It's okay.
We're going to miss you guys a lot.
- We're gonna miss you.
- Yup.
But the farm has a ton of room, beautiful trees, and good fresh air, and light.
So you can all stay with us whenever, like, whenever.
Someone's trying to get free labor out of you guys.
[laughter.]
Gladly.
- It's a big garden.
- Aww.
Um, and we have some other news too.
[clears throat.]
What? - We're pregnant! - Oh my God! I knew it! I knew it! [excited chattering.]
- Cheers, cheers.
- Drink up.
Cheers, cheers, cheers.
Yeah, we've got community engagement, communal meals.
We got weird workshops.
There's even game night.
You know, it kind of all just reminds me of the co-ops in college.
Oh, don't forget to wash those eggshells, Boo.
- Oh yeah, I will.
- How fucking awesome would it be to go back to college and actually go to class and learn some shit? Well, we've got these workshops here, man.
You should move your ass in here.
We have a spot.
No, I mean, like, what if I could be my 22-year-old body - with my 33-year-old mind.
- Yeah, like Benjamin Button.
Yeah, I mean like a Benjamin Button situation.
Mmm.
- Or Freaky Friday.
- Yeah, but see, here's the thing.
'Cause then your mom's gonna be like nursing some weird-ass old man-baby when you get young-old, old-young, whatever it is.
Some babies look like old men.
It's okay.
Yes, they do.
It's true.
Babies are kind of gross.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Listen, I wasn't really thinking about moving.
But it might be nice to change things up a bit, - get some company around, you know? - Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
Not live down the hall from your ex-wife anymore.
We share a vacuum.
[Candace laughs, coughs.]
- It works out very nicely.
- Yeah, we got one.
You don't need that vacuum.
- You don't need that vacuum.
- But hers is a Dyson.
Ours is a Dyson.
I'm like, "No.
Ew.
I hate meatpie.
" - So can I get you guys anything else? - We're fine, thank you.
Great.
That's just, like, right here And so I see him - whenever you're ready for it.
- Thank you.
So, I see him all the time, and every time I walk by, he's like, "Are you hungry?" [whispers.]
Are you kidding me? I think we should ask them if they can refill ketchup bottles.
You know what? I'm just gonna turn the music off.
That should get the point across.
Don't fuck with your tips, girl.
[music stops.]
I'm in this beautiful dress, and I get in the cab, and the meat pie guy is right there.
No.
[chattering continues.]
Oblivious.
[group laughs, chatters.]
This is a message from the New York City Department of Housing Preservation and Development.
Your application to the Affordable Housing Lottery has been selected for approval.
- Please call us back at your - Holy shit.
To schedule your move-in date.
This is fucking baller.
You guys know Greenpoint? [elevator dings.]
We ride our bikes through it sometimes on the way to PS1, - but not really hanging out there.
- People love it.
Great waterfront, bars, restaurants, McCarren Park, Peter Pan Donuts.
You guys like pierogies? Mmm.
Yeah.
[elevator dings.]
[indistinct chatter.]
- Is that a yoga class? - Yeah, but the gym and sauna are for NSR.
- N-S-what? - Non-subsidized residents.
Okay.
That's nice.
Oh, nice, big closet.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, I mean, it's kind of small, but yeah, it's fine.
Smaller than our old place.
Smaller than any of the places we've lived in ever.
Yeah, but it's also $850 a month, so you're gonna be able to get an art studio.
That's cool.
This is just some tax write-off for some really rich building owner.
You know what I mean? It's like this is low-income housing.
Uh-huh.
Yup.
And we are low-income, so for now, we are low-income and we have a dishwasher.
That is grown-up shit.
That's good.
What's this? [traffic sounds.]
[chuckles.]
Oh yes.
[bird chirping.]
Oh, this is my window.
You better make sure you have permission to use this amenity.
Oh yeah, you can use those.
[Candace clears throat.]
[mouthing.]
That will be nice.
That will be very nice.
Yes.
Okay.
[Candace gasps.]
Oh.
Oh my God.
I haven't had a bath in 10 years.
It's gonna be good.
You're gonna like that, okay? Go ahead.
Thank you.
Why are we carrying this around? That's got a backgammon board inside of it.
Hey, Boo.
Yes.
Hold on.
[grunts.]
Do we have room for this sweet baby? [elevator dings.]
- Uh umm.
- No.
Hold on, hold on.
Back up, back up, back.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Uhhuh.
[man sighs.]
A little bit.
[beeps, chirps.]
Excuse me.
Yeah, coming through.
Like above the bed? What what about there? What about there? Come to this corner, this reinforced corner, there's always a stud on the corner.
With a toggle bolt? You love a toggle bolt.
Yeah, there's no swinging capacity.
[clatters.]
Shit.
- That's okay.
- Oh look.
[distant siren wails.]
And forward.
And up.
And forward.
[knocks on door.]
There's no smoking inside the building, sir.
I wasn't smoking.
[child crying.]
[beeps, chimes.]
[elevator dinging.]
[dings.]
[beeps, chimes.]
[chatter, laughter.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
[clatters.]
Shoot.
Sorry.
- I love your shoes.
- Oh, thank you.
So, how long are you guys gonna be in Cuba? - Thirteen days.
- Maybe longer.
Maybe longer.
Yeah.
You know.
We're just gonna play it by ear.
You know what I mean? If we can get a sitter for Persimmon.
- Cool.
- That's really lucky.
This chicken is bomb! Oh, it's a meal delivery service thing.
It's super easy.
Oh, if you want, I have a code for a free week.
Oh, yeah.
So, what gallery are you with, John? Oh, um, actually, I'm between places right now.
Cool, very cool.
Well, you should show me your work.
- I know a lot of people.
- Oh.
Wow.
Okay.
Yeah, cool.
No problem, man.
- You guys want another round? - Yeah, yeah, I'll take another one.
- Harp, I'll, uh, I'll grab the whiskey.
- Oh, good idea.
This is actually, uh, a friend of ours who owns this distillery.
- Oh, cool.
- So we get this stuff by the truckload.
Oh, you guys should take a bottle, right, Logan? - Oh, totally.
- No, really? - Yeah.
- Wow.
Thank you so much.
- That's really generous.
- Sure.
[chuckles.]
I mean and I mean this bears saying, thank you again for inviting us over.
I really appreciate it.
You guys are like our, um You're like the first people we've met in the building who are actually nice to us, you know? [Chuckles.]
- Cheers.
- Chin-chin.
[chuckles.]
Uh, eye contact, eye contact, eye contact.
[laughter.]
Mmm.
Mmm.
- That was good.
- Yeah.
So, I don't know, since you guys are gonna be out of town this weekend, do you think we could borrow your key fob? Uh, what? Uh, you know, like, your fob for the sauna, the gym, and stuff, you know? Um Oh, you know what? The building has gotten so weird about lending that out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No.
- I mean, I would - No.
No.
No.
[chuckles.]
Sorry, I Sorry, guys.
We just We wanna stay on good terms - with all our neighbors.
- Yeah.
Understood.
[chuckles.]
Guys, you know we would in a heartbeat Oh, of course.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Don't apologize.
- We would in a heartbeat.
- We would in a second.
- Yeah.
Can't blame a girl for trying, right? [laughter.]
[titters.]
Uh, excuse me.
I have to pee.
[whispers.]
Oh, what the fuck is that? Oh shit.
[phone clicks.]
You know? [Chuckles.]
Yeah, I mean, flip a little Moleskin, when it's over with, see if we can get a best-seller out of it.
[laughs.]
[clicks.]
- Bye, have a great trip this weekend.
- Good luck, guys.
- Stay safe, you know? - Oh, thanks.
[door closes.]
[sighs.]
Well, that was fun till it wasn't.
[clicks tongue.]
Yeah, well [phone clicks.]
you know sometimes you gotta deal with the devil to get a sauna code.
[chuckles.]
[phone buzzes.]
Hey, man.
What's up? I've got two words for you: - Sauna.
Martini.
- Next time! Ah.
Hot sauna party.
Sounds pretty good.
- Wanna come over? - Yeah, be over there soon.
I'm watching this guy, and I have to introduce myself to him.
- He's lassoing.
- Sounds dangerous.
It's hard work, but it's honest work.
- Yeah.
All right, man, I'll see you then.
- All right.
[snaps.]
Yeah! There you go! Thank you.
[indistinct chatter.]
[elevator dings.]
- Hello.
- Evening, sir.
- Hi.
- How can I help you? I'm here to see Candace and John in apartment, uh - 332.
- 332.
- Sign here, please.
Name and time in.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- 332? [phone clicking.]
- Hello.
- Hi.
Ben is here to see you.
Ben? Yeah, are you expecting a Ben Button? - [John laughs.]
Yeah, Ben.
Send him up.
- Ah, good.
- It's okay.
- Okay.
Ah.
Excuse me.
You wrote, "10:00" - Uhhuh.
- And it's actually, uh, 10:23.
- Oh.
What a mistake.
Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
- Time flies.
- It does, doesn't it? - Crossing it out.
- Yes, that's perfect.
- You're perfect.
- Thank you.
- Have a good night.
- Have a nice evening, Mr.
Button.
[chuckles.]
Yeah, you too.
[tape ripping.]
I didn't know that normies were saving their placentas and their umbillical cords too.
But aren't you supposed to refrigerate it or something? - I thought you were supposed to eat it.
- You're supposed to eat it? [tape rips.]
I'm sorry.
This sploof does not work.
- I don't even know why we're doing it.
- Dude, just work with me here.
I haven't made one since middle school, so maybe I made it wrong.
Why don't we just open these windows? They're so big and lush.
Because.
Because we got caught by the security guard.
- Uhoh.
- Boner killer.
Yeah, it sucks.
Hey.
Do you want our hammock? - Oh, no, I can't.
- Yeah, you can.
Maybe I can take your hammock.
You can take it.
- Oh, she's beautiful.
- Thank you.
- What's her name? - Trisha.
- She'll rock you to sleep.
- This is so kind.
Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.
- I celebrate you.
[titters.]
[laughs.]
I just think I want my son's to look like mine, so he won't have a complex or something.
Do you think that's actually gonna be a problem? I mean, is that normal for a son to compare his dick to his dad's? It's not just the comparing.
It's also cleanliness, smegma.
- Yeah.
[Gags.]
- Who wants to deal with that? It's gotta be really traumatic for a baby.
Yeah, I mean, it's mutilation.
I always talk about dad genitals with you guys.
- Dad-gens come up a lot.
- [laughs.]
Dad-gens.
We've gotten that criticism before.
[laughs.]
[titters.]
- Ooh.
What the fuck is that? - Oh, I'm trying out a new laugh.
You might wanna workshop it a little further.
I was trying to do a laugh for a while where I was like [laughs.]
[laughs.]
That sounds real.
That sounds official.
[deep laugh.]
Yeah, it is like Nelly-level hot in here, y'all.
I think I'm gonna have to go soon.
- I got like two minutes.
- Yeah, it's pretty cool, though.
You guys did a real good job with this new place.
- This is Jackpot City.
- I know.
Welcome to Jackpot City.
Yeah.
Population: three.
[laughter.]
Hey, guys, you can't be up in here.
- Oh shit.
- No, yes, we can.
We live here.
Sit.
You live on the third floor.
The amenities are for Man, that is bullshit! - Hey, Boo.
Boo.
- You know it.
No.
No.
No! Hey! [Hits bench.]
Sit down! Oh.
You can't just go around separating people by amenities.
This is supposed to be a community.
And if you're gonna draw hard lines in the sand about who can use the sauna and who can use the roof deck, and who can park their fucking bike in the bike room like, economic oppression is a real problem in this country.
It's actually, in fact, one of our biggest problems, and we have a big class divide, and it's just getting worse, every day.
And I don't know why you're trying to be on that side - when you should be on my - Jesus Christ! Just wrap it up soon, okay? [titters.]
[laughter.]
Oh fuck.
It's hot.
Oh yeah, I don't feel good.
Oh man, I'm gonna puke.
[clears throat.]
Really? - Yeah, really.
- Oh, I'm gonna stay.
- We fought for it.
- Yup.
Enjoy it, man.
[elevator dings.]
[sputtering percussive rhythm.]
Good night, man.
[running footsteps.]
[water dripping.]
What you thinking, Boo? I was thinking about Ayasha and Cole's baby.
Oh, we don't have to talk about that.
No, I'm not talking about trying to have a kid.
I was saying if they would let us borrow it a couple of times, maybe we could use it and get ourselves a two-bedroom up in here.
[chuckles.]
What do you think about that? Huh? Always hatching a plan.
Yeah.
Just trying to game the system before it plays me.
[chuckles.]
- Hey.
- Mmm? - What's that sound? - What? [fart burbles.]
[laughs.]
- Oh God.
- That was a good one.
That was a good one.
It reverberated all the way up my back.
[both laugh.]
Ooh, my [laughs.]
Much too far For our relationship We're lost In translation Fall too far For our relationship I'm lost In translation