Hung s02e03 Episode Script

RAY: Okay, let's go.
[DARBY GROANS.]
Why are we jogging? It's healthy to sweat.
Dad, I'm very healthy already.
Why do people think I'm not healthy? I'm in great, happy health.
I never said you weren't.
Come on, guys, let's pick up the pace a little bit.
Did Mom put you up to this? No.
What? I told him, Darb.
I get a weird vibe from those girls.
- They'll make you die of sleep apnea.
- What girls? Fat people get sleep apnea and choke in the night.
- No, they don't.
RAY: Hey, hey.
- Yes, they do.
- Instead of going to these fat classes how about the three of us, we run, huh? - Come on.
- I have a cramp.
You ever wonder what kind of guy Dad would be like in high school? Paul Kolsenovic.
What? Paulie K? I was never a shortstop.
- Dad, he's a total asshole.
RAY: What? Guys like that are allergic to people like us.
They make mooing sounds when we walk past.
What's up with you guys? I never mooed at anybody.
Paulie K calls me Gaymon.
What? That kid just got benched.
DARBY: Dad, you don't get it.
You think you would've been friends with us in school? Absolutely.
Of course.
I always had interesting friends.
- Oh, like who? - Like Well Like my friend Tanya, for example.
We do stuff together all the time.
- Like what? - Interesting stuff.
What's the matter with you guys, huh? Why am I the enemy all of a sudden? You don't live with me for a while and suddenly you're making these assumptions? Honey, hey, I'm the same great dad I always was.
Come on.
We're three peas in a pod.
Dad, look in the mirror.
Everybody looks at you and mom and wonders where we came from.
Honey.
You're never gonna know what that's like.
Hey.
DAMON: He calls me Bitch Tits too.
- What? - Paulie K, he calls me Bitch Tits.
Jess, I can see your tiles.
Oh.
Honey, just make a move.
Don't sweat it.
Remember how you made me go bowling and I hesitated but then I really, really loved it? I'm sure the same can happen for you.
How about this economy, huh? So are you guys feeling it, or? Actually, Matt couldn't be busier.
I hate to say it, but when times are tough, people do have more heart attacks.
Veins seem to constrict.
Hearts are recession-proof.
Feet, not so much.
Or skin.
I'm like down 40 percent.
Forty percent? You're so tight-lipped, Ron.
- Oh, "tics," like the bug.
- Oh.
MATT: Or with that spelling, an uncontrollable jerk.
- Like a tic.
- It's a nervous tic.
- An involuntary Your husband's a doctor.
RONNIE: It's a great word, Jess.
- Come on, it's 12 points.
MINDY: It is a word.
[ALARM BUZZING.]
[TANYA YELPS.]
WOMAN [ON RECORDING.]
: You have one new message.
LENORE: Tanya, are you wearing your new cashmere sweater? I just read an article in The New York Times about how French luxury labels use Indian children to sew their garments.
How do you feel about that? Claudine? I'm sorry.
Where is Claudine? Oh, didn't you hear? Shingles.
She went to Florida to be with her mom.
I'm the new supervisor.
Wow.
I didn't even know there was an opening.
It's great.
Anyway, this schedule says I only work four hours next week? Oh, yeah, that's a mistake.
It should say zero.
Sorry, it looks like you're a victim of the recession.
Wait, you're firing me? You get a little power and you're firing me? Mm-mm.
Not necessarily.
You've just been downshifted.
You could be upshifted if things change.
I need this job.
I depend on it.
I'm behind on my rent.
What does that even mean, "upshift"? It means what you think it means.
You're down, but you could be up.
You could get me a date with the big-dick guy.
Oh, sure.
I could even swing you a discount.
I don't want a discount.
I want him for free.
Patty, Richard has to be paid.
Then you pay him.
In my whole life, I have never been anyone's boss, Tanya.
I'm 44.
I've never got to tell anyone what to do.
Would you get that for me? Patty, I have a life outside of here.
Do you know, this sweater, it cost $1800? It looks like one that I have from J.
T.
Warehouse that makes me itch.
No, this is a Lanvin.
- It looks like a Lankin.
- Lankin? No, this is - Nice uniforms.
- Yeah, they're great, huh? RAY: I got the team some new uniforms.
Told Mike I got a special donor to pay for them.
The kids loved it.
They look like a million bucks.
My own kids I don't know.
Were they right? If they were in high school with me would I be friends with them? CHARLIE: I missed you a little bit.
- What? - No need to panic.
I mean like a friend, not in the romantic sense of the situation.
I'm not panicked.
Well, you look kind of freaked out to me or intimidated, but in the anxious zone.
No, I'm a calm, confident person, Charlie and more and more so every day.
This is just a difficult moment.
Which is why you reached out to me, right? [CHARLIE CLEARS THROAT.]
Would you consider us friends or are we just acquaintances? Well, I don't know if I would say friends, because we just met but I do think we have a special, open dynamic.
Say no more.
If our talks are special to you, that is answer enough for me.
What we have is special, I agree.
Anyway, the problem is, my ho My one ho Actually, he's not all mine.
Actually, the truth is I have to share him with this woman who I think has sociopathic tendencies.
What do you mean by the word "share"? Well, she's his pimp too.
She's his pimp too? Correct.
One ho, two pimps? Correct.
Wow.
If that's how you like to run things.
No, absolutely not.
This woman, she's trying to fuck with me.
She's trying to fuck with my head and I need to fight back.
I see.
You're very excitable.
Well, for example, this sweater.
I think she practically cursed it.
I think she went so far as to sneak into my apartment and switch it out with a cheaper version.
I am absolutely positive that this label used to say "Lanvin," and now Hold.
Take her out.
- The other pimp.
- Take her out? Uh-huh.
That's what I want to do.
Not in a violent way.
Hey.
Okay, this is how I do it.
Close your eyes.
Really, close your eyes.
Now imagine this lady.
Imagine the color of her hair.
Wait, wait.
Okay.
Good.
Her eyes.
Well, everything.
You got it? Yeah.
Now see her dead.
See every detail.
See the blood coming from her head bleeding from her fucking ears, stab wounds - I can't do that.
- No, just go with it.
It's just an exercise.
No.
I think I need a different idea.
You bide your time like a cobra.
And when the moment is right, you strike.
- How do I know the time is right? - Well, you'll feel it.
Mind bullets.
Bang, bang, bang, bang! TANYA: This place is very inconvenient.
- Next time I pick the venue.
- Hi.
Hi.
It's fine.
It's cultural.
It's not cultural, Ray.
It's people eating beans.
LENORE: Thanks, Jozo.
Ugh.
I love this place.
They make the best boiled beans.
RAY: Hey, puppy.
Here's your cash.
Thanks.
That's it? There's 240 in here.
Your 60 percent of 1200 is 720 minus 40 percent of the previous 1200.
You didn't commission me on that.
Remember when Claire paid you and you forgot to tell me? I think I understand Ray's frustration, Lenore.
Forty percent is too high a commission for you.
I think zero percent is too high a commission for you, Tanya.
Come on, Lenore, ease up.
Come on, we're not in high school anymore.
How about we treat each other with a little respect? Let's not talk about commission now.
Who have we got lined up? I have several exciting prospects lined up, starting with Patty.
I talked her into rebooking and she's willing to pay 300.
RAY: Patty? - Mm-hm.
Right, SeaWorld.
- Ray doesn't do discounts anymore.
- I think Ray can speak for Ray.
And I think he understands the value of an enthusiastic client.
- Right? - I think Lenore is right, Tanya.
Three hundred? It's a little low.
Okay, I think maybe I can massage her into 400.
The minimum is $600.
Look, Patty is She's between paychecks right now and the best she can do is 400.
Then Patty is a definite no-go.
On the other hand, I have two clients that I have almost sealed the deal with.
I wasn't done talking, okay? I wasn't done talking.
I have a second client, Frances and she's a mature, wealthy widow - I'm sorry, who? - Frances.
Yes, that's right, Frances.
Frances is someone that I have a connection with.
I told you we have a connection.
And she gave me a gift.
This sweater, actually.
Frances is someone that Lenore couldn't close and I saw an opening.
Gee, I'm feeling chilly.
What are you wearing? You two look like twins.
- Lenore.
- Oh, for God's sake.
Lenore, just tell me the truth.
Where did you get that sweater? At the store.
I liked your sweater so I got one for myself.
No, admit it.
You stole it.
You snuck into my apartment and you stole the sweater.
- Show me the label.
- Okay, let me break it down for you, Tanya.
I understand why you're confused.
I told you last time that your sweater was a Lanvin but I made a mistake.
You know when I realized it? When I went to buy this one and it was clearly so much nicer.
I'm sorry you're disappointed.
I really am.
I would be too if I discovered that my $1800 gift was a Lankin.
Although Lankin is a well respected emerging Israeli designer who just happens to favor cheap rayon.
That's it.
That's it.
I am sick of it.
I am sick of your shit.
I am sick of you, Lenore.
I have tried to make this work.
I tried to be a gracious person when you swooped in and took Ray away.
But I'm so tired of being gracious.
I am sick of being accommodating.
I am tired of being walked all over.
You think you're the only one who can play hardball? I know how to play hardball.
I am not afraid to play hardball.
What are you gonna do, T-Brain, write a mean poem about me? Fuck you.
Bang, bang, bang, motherfucker! RONNIE: What if the neighbors see you? Honey, if your business is down There's nothing embarrassing about doing a little yard work.
It's not exactly 40 percent.
Are you saying it's more? It varies.
The Botox boom is over but we still get the stress-related acne and the skin-cancer crowd.
Don't worry about it, Jess.
I just want to help, Ron.
I mean, look at someone like Mindy.
She's a wife.
She brings home a doctor's salary.
She's trying to get pregnant too.
Jeez, I can't imagine being pregnant right now.
What if you did imagine it? - What? - I think we should have a baby.
There, I said it.
Ron when we were dating you said you had absolutely no interest in kids.
I know, but I changed my mind.
Mindy says it's a wonderful gift.
I'm not Mindy, Ron.
I'm nothing like her.
Well, honey, Mindy's really good at being married.
TANYA: This is gonna be so good.
Doesn't it smell good? You're gonna love it.
It's much better than old beans.
Now, I'm sorry.
I know I scared you.
But I promise I'm the kind of person that's always kind to animals.
Hold on.
[KNOCKS.]
RAY: Tanya.
Just a second, Ray.
RAY: Okay.
[GROWLING.]
Okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I thought I'd stop by for a little post-game recap.
Yeah, well, would you like some? Would you like scrambled eggs? No.
Listen, Tanya - Some tea? - No, thanks.
I feel bad, the commission thing.
Lenore, she's wrong.
You deserve more than zero percent.
I shouldn't have let that slide by.
I should have stood up for you.
Thanks, Ray.
That means a lot.
But the thing is, I'm [CLEARS THROAT.]
I haven't earned it yet.
And about Horny Patty, she's She's very persistent.
Forget about Horny Patty, okay? If she won't pay our prices, then that's that, right? I say we hold the fort.
I bet she comes around.
[SCRATCHING.]
What is that? It's It's rats.
Rats.
They're in the attic and then they migrate to the bathroom through the wall.
Anyway, what are you doing tomorrow? Me and the kids are going to a movie.
Wanna come? Really? What are you gonna see? Whatever you want.
Your choice.
But, Ray, you don't ever invite me anywhere.
Well, I'm full of surprises, Tanya.
I'm an interesting guy, right? I'm a nice guy.
I mean, if we went to school together, you wouldn't Ahem.
You wouldn't hate me, right? I would try not to, Ray.
[HORNY PATTY BARKING.]
That's not a rat.
[HORNY PATTY GROWLING.]
[HORNY PATTY BARKING.]
[WHISPERING.]
Why take her dog, Tanya? TANYA [WHISPERING.]
: It's complicated.
Then why not just leave it at home? How do you think she got my sweater? [HORNY PATTY BARKS.]
MAN: Shh! Shh! What the hell kind of movie is this, Tanya? It's too peculiar.
TANYA: There's a deeper meaning.
Just look for it.
What kind of movie is this? It's There's a deeper meaning.
Look and try to find it.
So are you and Dad friends with benefits? Benefits? No.
No, there are no benefits.
What about you? I heard you were going through a kind of experimental phase.
- Are you asking me if I'm gay? - No, that's private.
Do I look gay? - What does gay look like? - Exactly.
It's just, I'm not gonna climb into any box and I'm not gonna climb out of any box.
If there even is a box, someone else put it there, not me.
[HORNY PATTY BARKS.]
Come on, people are trying to sleep in here.
WOMAN: Shh! [HORNY PATTY GROWLING.]
WOMAN: Shh! TANYA: I deserve respect.
Just return the dog, Tanya.
Okay.
This is not a way to run a business.
Okay, but wait.
Ray, I need to ask a favor of you.
It's about Horny Patty, the person.
Don't tell Lenore.
What, you want me to see her for 400? No.
I need you to do her for free.
- Come on, Tanya.
- I know.
I'm trying to be a professional.
I have fucked a lot of women for free, all right? Stop trying to knock me back to the minors.
I'm sorry, Ray.
She's my boss and I kind of have to pay for it.
- What? - Look, it's a long story.
Let's not get into it.
How about 200? Can you swing 250? Okay.
Two-fifty is fine.
I can swing anything.
PATTY: Oh, my God, that's like vibrator-good.
That's nice.
I'm glad I'm better than a vibrator.
I didn't say that you were better I just said that you were as good.
Now, as good.
Ooh! Better.
No.
Ooh.
Ooh.
As good.
[PATTY LAUGHS.]
I'm such a joker sometimes, you know? I love to let it all just hang out.
I missed you, big-dick man.
You remind me of my Ken doll.
Ken doll? When I was little, I always made my Ken doll have sex with my Barbies.
But I had 16 Barbies and only one Ken.
Barbie always had to, like, you know go to work, and she got to go to parties and stuff.
But Ken just fucked.
He didn't have time to go to work.
RAY: Sometimes being a good guy has its price.
[HORNY PATTY GRUNTING.]
I know.
I know what it's like to have a terrible mother.
[WHISPERING.]
But I like to think that difficult mothers make strong, independent women.
So just take some comfort in that.
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
I'm I came to return Horny Patty.
Thanks, but this is my dog now.
Horny Patrick.
But what about Horny Patty? I missed her, but I needed to move on.
[HORNY PATRICK GROWLS.]
JESSICA [ON PHONE.]
: Ray, I'm at Bertson's.
I thought we were meeting here.
You said every Sunday.
It's Sunday.
- I thought you canceled that.
- No.
Well, I thought you did, or else I'd be there.
Oh.
Okay.
Ray, I thought you weren't coming.
You okay? JESSICA: Oh, yeah.
I just need to get it together.
I'm not very You need to talk to me? I'm just I am so confused.
- Marriage is so confusing.
- Yeah.
As you know, I'm not easy to be married to.
You were okay.
It's probably my fault.
And if it wasn't, I sure deserve it.
I'm being melodramatic.
How can I help you? I want to help you.
LENORE: Jessica.
Oh, it's my - My friend.
I called her.
- Hi.
I thought you said you were here alone.
No.
I'm I was talking to This is my ex-husband, Ray.
- We're friends.
- I can see that.
Hi, I'm Lenore.
Hi, I'm Ray.
Hi.