I Am Jazz (2015) s02e03 Episode Script
It's Either Surgery or Male Puberty
1 Jazz: Previously on "I Am Jazz" Jazz spiraled into this really deep depression.
Did you ever feel like, "I'm going to kill myself"? I presented my school in a dress that I had.
Kids were making jokes.
This whole swarm of kids just started taking pictures.
That sounds awful.
In a sense, I almost feel like I had it easier compared to someone else like you who did have to go through puberty.
I look like a man in a dress.
That's sad.
We know that your blocker implant has pretty much run its course.
If your estrogen/testosterone balance gets off, that that could have dramatic effects on your mood.
The best move here would be to do a surgery.
Jazz: And tonight on "I Am Jazz" If my son brought home a transgender, I don't think I would be jumping for joy - and through hoops and - I don't think anybody would.
We're going out to California.
Jazz is having surgery, and we want her to have the best of care.
I'm definitely nervous about the surgery.
Every mother's worst fear is like [Gasps.]
"What if they don't wake up afterward?" - Love you.
- Bye.
- Take good care of her.
- Love you all.
Jazz: 15 years ago, I was assigned male at birth, but inside, I always knew I was a girl.
I have a girl brain and a boy body.
Being transgender hasn't been easy.
You already have some breast shape.
We just have to make it better.
I get shy talking to gorgeous girls.
Wait, what? But it's made me who I am.
I Am Jazz.
Jeanette: What are you and Noelle looking for when you go shopping today? Like, anything specific? You know me.
I really don't like shopping, but I still wanted to go shopping with Noelle because she didn't really have a lot of girl clothes.
She was wearing the, like, same two outfits to school every single day.
Noelle is my new friend who is transgender just like me.
We burned her male clothes from her past to kind of, like, burn away those painful memories.
This is a huge weight off my chest.
She has to have a closet full of girl stuff if she's gonna be a girl.
Noelle: So, how's school been for you, Jazz? Today, some kid called me a gender-bender.
I'm actually growing proud of transphobic people 'cause they're getting really creative now.
[Laughter.]
I really like Noelle, and I'm so glad that Jazz has a transgender girlfriend that she's hanging out with because I think they can relate to each other in a way that Jazz's other friends can't.
All right, you ready to do this? Yeah.
Jazz: I transitioned at a young age, but with Noelle, she's lived the majority of her life so far as male, and it's more difficult to find your sense of style when you haven't been wearing female clothes.
Oh, my gosh.
This is a romper.
I don't know what a romper is.
You've never heard of a romper? Ready? I'm gonna blow your mind.
It's a shirt and shorts connected.
Isn't it magical? I'm dead serious.
That blew my mind.
But I don't have the legs for that.
Clothes shopping is a lot different for me than with Jazz just because I feel like Jazz has a lot more feminine body and she can get away with more styles because nobody will see her as trans.
I hate looking masculine just so much.
There are, like, a lot of requirements I have for clothes because I have a lot of scars.
How'd you get the scars? I had a lot of really bad bacne.
Oh, my god.
I don't go to the beach anymore.
I don't go to the pool.
I really take into consideration what clothes I wear.
Oh.
That sucks.
Seeing Noelle transition to become her true self makes me realize that I'm so lucky to have gone through this transition at an early age.
With me, my main insecurity is just my weight, so I try to wear, like, flowy things that help cover it up.
[Chuckles.]
So do you want to go try on stuff? Uh, sure.
Let's do it.
See you in a few.
All right.
Okay.
Everything we got is, like, extra small.
Noelle: Trying on new clothes, there are some things that really expose me as a trans woman.
I don't think this is something that I'd wear.
It's not your thing.
I could tell.
But these outfits do give me a sense of confidence, just because I am getting closer and closer to passing and presenting as a girl every day.
Can we actually sit down? I'm actually overheating right now.
Really? Yeah.
We can sit down.
I'm fine with that.
[Chuckles.]
I'm not sure if you went through this, but when you got the hormone blocker, did you get hot flashes? No.
Not at all.
When did you get your hormone blocker? Um, I got it, like, last July.
I've had this one for like two years now, and it's running out, so we're getting a new one.
Are you nervous about the surgery? Well, the first time I did it, it kind of hurt.
Yeah, it burns.
It burns! Jazz: It's really great to have a transgender friend nearby like Noelle because she really understands what I'm going through.
Talking with my other friends isn't the same because they don't really put themselves in my shoes.
But with Noelle, she's wearing the same shoes that I am.
Jeanette: What are you doing? Cleaning up the playroom.
What do you mean, cleaning up the playroom? I'm cleaning it up.
I want it to be functional again.
Greg is not allowed to go anywhere in the house and start ditching stuff without checking in with me first.
Look! Jazz's little Halloween-y thing.
- You know what? - Tinker Bell.
I was putting some of the costumes in there.
Aww! Preschool memories.
We have to hang this up.
I understand this stuff has sentimental value, and I know it's hard with the kids going off to college.
They're not gone yet.
You want to bury them before they've left? That's a little harsh.
I don't want to box it up.
I'm just really sad.
We're gonna be almost empty nesters.
Like, just having Jazz in the house is gonna be so weird.
I'm used to a house full of life and laughter, and it'll be quiet around here.
We're gonna have to make our own ruckus.
This is Stinky Pete.
- Yes, it is.
- Jazz's first Halloween costume! How am I 50? How are these boys going off to college? Like, I'm not ready to end this ride I'm on.
Somebody put a pause button on life, like, stop.
I want to clean the place and leave the good stuff here.
So, you want me to leave it to you to clean the place? Yeah, I can clean it.
And what's that smell? [Sniffs.]
Oh.
Something smells really bad in here.
Oh, my god.
Ew! Diarrhea.
[Laughing.]
It's diarrhea.
That's my wedding veil! That's my wedding veil! That's really disgusting.
I'm just curious Not that you could think like a cat But why would it poop on the veil? [Laughing.]
I don't know.
And why was the veil sitting out there? You can't make this [Bleep.]
up.
[Laughs.]
[Sighs.]
Anyway.
I think we're done cleaning for now, then.
I'm gonna come back and clean, but I wanted to tell you something first.
I've got good news and I've got bad news.
Give me the good news.
The good news is that I am buying the T-blocker with our old insurance.
So we just saved almost $20,000.
And that's gonna come before the insurance coverage changes.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
That's good news because that's a That is one of the biggest expenses related to it.
The bad news is that we can't schedule surgery in the time frame that we have the old insurance.
Jazz's testosterone levels are going up, and we need to have her testosterone blocker replaced before we see signs of male puberty, but the insurance company does not cover the surgery.
If you have go into the O.
R.
, there's a lot of costs, and now we're in a new position where we need another option.
We have to go out-of-pocket, and it's gonna cost a fortune if we have to do it here.
So I'd rather do it at the L.
A.
Children's Hospital.
I know one of the doctors there very well.
And they don't put the kids under general anesthesia and all that.
Yeah, but it's more cost-effective to do it in California than it is to do it locally? We don't have to buy an O.
R.
or an anesthesiologist or anesthesia, and there's urgency, too.
The T-blocker's wearing off.
There's no doubt about that.
I'm thinking maybe we can go as a family, make a little vacation out of it, too? That makes sense.
Our number one priority with Jazz's medical issues is making sure she gets the proper medical attention that she needs immediately.
We're not gonna wait for the insurance company to determine it.
And so if we have to come out of pocket and then fight with the insurance company, that's what we're gonna do.
Have you already contacted Children's Hospital? Yeah.
We've run out of time, so this has to be done.
Hello? Where are you? - I'm here.
Look.
- You're here.
Hello.
You are so late.
I'm sorry.
Just think about when you get your license, though.
You won't have these problems anymore.
Well, I can't get my license yet.
You could have gotten your permit a couple of months ago.
I'm not in a super big rush to get my permit.
I'm gonna be driving my entire life, and I kind of like getting chauffeured around.
I have some news to share.
You ready? Yes, señorita.
This is serious stuff.
Okay, señorita.
Okay, so, the new insurance that we got will not cover anything for transgender people.
That's so screwed up.
Yeah, you're right.
It is awful.
A parent should not have to explain to their child that their medical needs will not be met by insurance.
She shouldn't have to hear that or know that.
So, Dad and I decided we're gonna go to California and we're gonna have it done there.
Does that delay the time that I'll be getting the hormone blocker? 'Cause I definitely feel the effects on my body.
Really? Running low on the T-blockers means that all of the hormones will be entering my body again The testosterone mixed with the estrogen that I'm taking and the antidepressants.
I'll be completely imbalanced, and it'll cause me to go cuckoo.
Every single day, I'm just so out of it.
I'm always moody and everything.
And that can't be because of nothing.
Jeanette: I'm extremely concerned.
I don't want to mess with Jazz's moods, and I don't want her to be depressed again.
Why do insurance companies get to choose who they will and won't cover? Well, that's a good question, but I guess It's all about money.
It all boils down to money.
Yeah, but in the end game, what's more important money or life? Are there any risks with surgery? There's always a risk of infection.
There's probably a very small risk of blood loss.
I just I just have anxiety.
Jacky: What are you looking for? Well, I'm just here, like, to appease Greg, basically.
[Laughs.]
Appease Greg? Yeah.
We are shopping for a new couch because the cat made doody balls on it.
Just so gross.
We were in the playroom, and he's talking about getting rid of things that represent the kids.
I'm sad about the fact that they're going to college, and he's ready to just, like, forget them or whatever.
I don't know what he's thinking.
But I don't want to pack up all their stuff that means a lot to me.
[Voice breaking.]
He doesn't care.
He doesn't care.
[Sniffles.]
Can I have a tissue? Sure.
Do you understand where Greg is coming from, as opposed to where you're coming from? He knows I'm so upset.
He knows I'm really sad.
Like, they're a big part of my life, and then when they're gone Now it'll just be Jazz and I.
Not gone, never to see them again, god forbid.
Well, they're gonna be.
They will come and go.
It's another phase.
They're not gonna want to, though.
Like, once they're gone, they don't care.
It's gonna be awful.
I'm just gonna be lonely.
Like, so much of my life is them.
What would have been the answer, that you had another six kids? Eventually, this was going to happen.
She's not ready to cut to cord.
I think if there was no interference, Jeanette would have had a dozen kids.
I know she'll survive, but she's gonna have to cry some more tears.
I'm also really stressed out because insurance isn't gonna cover Jazz's surgery.
What are you doing? We'll go to California.
They have a wonderful facility out there that's for transgender youth.
So she'll get great medical care.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just nerve-racking.
It's another battle.
Yep.
Anyway So, what's going on in your world? I'm looking forward to hostessing a luncheon.
Mm-hmm.
For a group of us friends who go back to when you and your brother were little children.
And so we all sit around and chit-chat.
That the issue of transgender people.
They'll have questions about Jazz.
Yeah.
Okay.
Jacky: I get the feeling that my friends are holding back their true feelings about Jazz, so I want to go a-digging and see if I can some answers that will satisfy me.
But it's a big responsibility.
It's not just going out and discussing your latest hairdo or what nail polish you're wearing.
This is whole nother ballgame.
What if one of them were to say, "you know what? I think it's wrong.
They should have waited till Jazz was an adult.
" Like, what do you say to that? I'm still thinking about it, but I would share my feelings and my thoughts.
When we first found out that Jazz was transgender, it was very tough on my mom.
She was devastated.
So I want my mother to be open and honest with her friends.
I know they have a lot of questions.
They don't get it.
So it could be interesting.
I'm looking forward to seeing my friends.
[Laughing.]
And hopefully, I don't lose a friend or two along the way.
Well, then they're not really your friends, are they? This is true.
[Facetime rings.]
Hello.
Well, hello, there.
This is a nice surprise.
I look so bad in that camera.
[Laughs.]
Jazz: Raymond is my friend, and he is a huge advocate in the LGBTQ community.
My LGBTQ hero, HRC Youth Ambassador Jazz Jennings.
[Cheers and applause.]
He makes YouTube videos with other advocates, as well, and what he's doing is really changing lives and impacting others out there.
So, I might be able to see you again soon 'cause I'm going to L.
A.
for my surgery.
Wait, wait, wait.
What surgery are you getting? Can I ask you about that, too? I know that sometimes it's not appropriate to, like, ask someone trans about procedures that they get.
Raymond, you do not have to worry.
Anything you ask is appropriate.
So, basically, it's just an implant that I get in my arm, and it blocks the testosterone in my body so I don't have to develop the male characteristics.
Why are you coming out to L.
A.
? Is there, like, a really good surgeon out here? It's actually for very messed-up reasons.
It's because our insurance doesn't cover the medical procedure for transgender individuals.
Oh, my gosh.
That's so Wait, so you have to just travel every time you would need, like, a doctor's appointment or a procedure? It's all these little factors, but, like, it costs less to go to L.
A.
Than it would to go to a local hospital.
Well, we're gonna make sure that you have the best trip to L.
A.
, and we're gonna make the best of an unfair situation.
I actually have this project that I'm really excited to tell you more about when you get here, so maybe that can be, like, a little silver lining after your procedure that you can be part of the project.
Okay.
That sounds awesome.
Even though we're going to L.
A.
, it doesn't have to be all about the procedure.
We get to have some fun.
I just want to find out what it is right now.
All right, bye.
Greg: Hey, kids.
[Whistles.]
The food's getting cold.
We got big bear food.
You said food? Isn't that somebody's side dish? Yeah, it's everybody's.
I have to say, we're not doing a very good job of helping each other order the right healthy food.
Not too long ago, everyone in the family made a decision that we need to lose weight and get healthy.
We've been working out every now and then, but for the most part, when it comes to eating, we haven't been doing great.
Mom just gained a lot of weight.
Thanks.
Griffen: Yeah, but it's all right 'cause I got a great idea.
We found an obstacle course.
It's called rugged maniac.
It has 25 obstacles, and it's a 5k race.
Jeanette: Oh, my god.
We found this rugged maniac obstacle course that we think would be great to test our fitness.
So we can see if what we've been doing and what we're gonna be doing in the next few months pays off.
You bounce on a trampoline and then jump over a wall.
Greg: It looks like we'll be in the mud.
Jeanette: The frog hop Oh, my god.
I'll die.
This isn't like Oh, there's no way I'm doing this.
The gauntlet! It has those things that swing and knock off as you're walking.
I threw up the other day on a stair climber.
I mean, how am I gonna [Laughs.]
Going through mud things and sliding down things, and they're gonna take pictures of me.
Like, I'm hoping the place shuts down or something.
No.
[Laughs.]
Mom, I'll take care of you.
- Yeah? - Nope, I'll be winning.
Yeah.
Greg: So, we wanted to tell you guys something.
In a few days, we're going out to California.
Why? Jazz is having surgery, and we want her to have the best of care, and that happens to be in California.
So, I'm confused.
What exactly is the surgery? Like, what does it do? So, basically, they'll cut open my arm, take out the old implant, put in a new implant, close it back up, and then wrap it up, and then I'll be good.
If you didn't get this, what would happen? Well, basically, with all the hormone imbalance in my body, I would just be crazy, and you remember how I was depressed a few months back.
Then I'll start getting the deeper voice, the things will drop, and then [Laughs.]
Um Well, Griffin's haven't dropped yet, so, I mean I'm sorry.
I just got a visual on that.
Wait.
What things? Nuts.
- Nuts? - Deez nuts.
[Laughter.]
Jazz: My brothers have been super supportive throughout all of my surgeries.
You know, they really just accept me for who I am.
So, are you scared for the surgery at all, or? I'm scared 'cause I don't want any of these bad things to happen.
If I don't get this blocker in time, I will start turning into a male, so I just need to get this implant in my arm as soon as possible and continue my transition safely as a female.
If my son brought home a transgender, I don't think I would be jumping for joy and through hoops and Do you understand for science? It was very easy.
Don't worry.
- It was? - Yes.
Jazz: At the beginning of high school, I was kind of going through a difficult time.
My friends thought I was ignoring them altogether.
I was just down.
I think things are finally starting to get better, but we're still rebuilding our relationship.
Okay, so, the other day, I was talking to Damien in the hall, and he was like, "yo, Tayack is actually pretty cute.
" - Damien? - I think Damien's cute.
But his nose is so big.
No, but you remember We were sitting in here, like, a couple days ago, and he, like, walked down the stairs.
She was like, "oh, he's cute.
" Tayack, do you like him, too? He's cute.
Ahh! Jazz: I still don't even talk to boys at all.
I don't care enough.
Don't you want a boyfriend, or? I really don't.
I feel like you think you don't, but you do.
No, I don't.
My dating life does not exist at all, and boys are still a touchy subject with me and my friends.
I just don't think they understand that dating is more complicated for me.
Wait, did I tell you guys that I've been hanging out with this girl? Her name is Noelle, and she's transgender just like me.
- That's cool.
- Oh, cool.
And I've never had, like, a friend who's transgender who lives so close to me.
- Is she your age? - Yeah.
She's our age.
Rachel: I think it's a good idea for her to reach out to people that could relate to more because she could help them or they could help her, so it's like a win-win situation.
Brooke: Yeah, because we try to help Jazz as much as we can, but we don't know exactly what she's going through.
That's probably really hard to transition very late.
Like, people probably are so judgmental.
Yeah.
She's had a very, very hard time because she had already started male puberty, so, like Yeah.
It's even harder then.
She has to deal with things that I don't have to deal with, like facial hair starting to come in, other things, getting a deeper voice.
She's a really sweet person, and she's really cool.
Would you guys be open to hanging out with her? Yeah, I would love to meet her.
I think she would like you guys.
I don't know how my friends are gonna react to Noelle because she doesn't pass as well as I do, but I hope meeting Noelle will help them better realize the struggle of being transgender.
- What time is it? - It's like 6:00 already.
- Oh, gosh.
- Yes.
I have to go, for sure.
I'm just gonna read a book.
[Laughter.]
Uh, we're missing somebody.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi! - Hi! Sorry.
You know me Always running a little late.
[Laughter.]
Jacky: I am nervous about the luncheon.
I would like to give out certain information, but I want to hear back.
Some of my friends are totally closed, not comfortable.
Some are half-closed.
And if they're struggling with some thoughts about Jazz, I want to hear them.
We're lucky to all be together.
Yes.
Yes.
We're here because I would really like to speak to you about my grandchild and what's happening and what you know that's happening or anything that you don't know that's happening.
How is she doing, Jacky? She's doing great.
I wish I could see her more.
I have memories of Jazz when she was quite young, and she would only wear the bathing suit with a tutu.
And now, in retrospect, the cover-up.
There's that identity thing again.
Absolutely.
Still, clothing is a problem.
She dresses very feminine, though.
I mean, if you didn't know, you wouldn't know.
- No.
- No.
But when it first happened, it was like It was an oddity.
My husband and I were like, "uh uh Like, what is going on?" I don't think your experience was unusual at all, you know, a disbelief A disbelief that that could really be the case.
It didn't fit with the norm, whatever the norm is.
That was it.
How could that be? I thought, you know, what does it really mean, you know? Does this mean she's gay, is she a lesbian, is she combination of both, or? Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I'm thrilled that my friends are opening up, and I'm excited to see what will come out of the discussions.
Woman: Nobody thought transgender.
It's not a word that we grew up with.
And there you go.
There's the Caitlyn Jenners of the world.
- Yes.
- Exactly.
And as much as we support them, my gut reaction is, "that is one manly woman.
" If everybody's truly being honest with themselves If my son brought home a transgender, I don't think I would be jumping for joy and through hoops and Woman: For this type of anesthesia, you'll be completely asleep.
There's potential for heart and lung complications, allergic reaction to medication.
She has no idea what we're feeling.
If my son brought home a transgender, I don't think I would be jumping for joy and through hoops and It's going to take a generation to have changed it completely.
Many of my generation are steeped in old values and very stodgy, limited thinking.
I hope people will be more open-minded, but many are not.
My big concern Her wanting to fit in.
Also, there's dating that starts.
Does Jazz foresee herself as having a boyfriend? She wants what every person in this world's right is to love and be loved.
I don't know how easy that's gonna be in high school.
It's gonna be very tough.
Jack: Let's call a spade a spade.
No matter how attractive she is, no matter how great a personality she is, she will be looked at in high school as the girl who has a thingy down there.
Jacky, let me ask you another question.
Because she's now getting older.
- The surgery.
- The surgery.
- That's a huge step.
- Yes.
But she doesn't have to have surgery ever.
What happens if she could change her mind? I mean Can she go backwards with all this hormones that she's been taking? Yes.
But when you block the male and introduce the female at puberty, you have stopped reproduction.
- Oh.
- Oh, wow.
Well, that's pretty heavy.
She will never be a woman born woman.
Our lives would be easier if Jazz was born straight and stayed with a straight world.
There's no doubt about it.
But from the moment Jazz said, "I am a girl," there was no holding back.
There's no handbook.
There's no right or wrong.
You're stepping through a minefield, helping her navigate as best as possible.
It's not all sunshine and roses, and that's the journey that we're still on that will be there forever.
I was happy and satisfied with the luncheon.
I didn't have any great revelations, but it was sharing experience.
And I just continue to learn about me, and I'm still growing.
It's complicated, but it's her journey.
Her journey.
We're along for the ride.
I'm excited for this trip because I am getting my implant blocker! Bye, Luna.
Nope.
Getting the baggies checked in.
Greg: Are you expecting it to snow on the plane? Is that why you need that rug? Stop.
Greg: Is it me, or is it foggy out? - Yeah, it is foggy.
- I was wondering if it's - Up in the hills there.
- Is it smog? We're in California, guys.
We're definitely not in Florida anymore.
What does that look like? Oh, that looks like L.
A.
traffic.
[Gasps.]
- Oh, great.
- That is bad.
You sounded like Dorothy.
You're like, "we're not in Florida anymore.
" I think the guy behind me just gave me the finger.
- Whoa.
- Ladies first.
- Look at this.
- After you, young man.
Jazz: Wait, we have both of these rooms? Holy mackerel.
This is the king bed.
Wow.
I didn't know heaven looked like this.
This is Mommy's room right here.
Where is my big purple suitcase? How do you think Jazz is doing there? - She looks exhausted.
- She's not doing so well.
She wasn't in very good spirits on the ride in.
Nope.
Jeanette: Jazz is really moody, but, you know, she's got a lot going on Hormones, the upcoming surgery.
It's just all these things, you know, inside of her, and it probably just, you know, overcame her.
Maybe she's just anxious.
Obviously we're here for the medical stuff, but we'll try to make it kind of a family trip as best we can.
Okay.
I know it's not easy 'cause Jazz has this surgery, but I want us to do fun things and enjoy each other's company, and I'm hoping we can turn Jazz's mood around.
They can sleep in the king bed, then.
No, this is our bed.
[Laughs.]
You sign in.
We'll sit down.
We're meeting with Dr.
Olson today to go over Jazz's surgery What her recommendations are, what she says we need to know about the implant, the options everything.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Hi! - Hi.
- How are you doing? - I love seeing you.
Nice to see you.
Hi, hi.
- Good to see you.
- How are you? I've been doing work with transgender and gender-nonconforming youth for the past 10 years.
The Jennings family, like many families across the United States with transgender youth, do not have insurance coverage for the blockers, and we are the largest transgender youth clinic in the country.
It makes us a desirable place to have this procedure done.
I want to get some details from you about sort of your blocker and when it went in and how many you've had and sort of where you are at this point.
So, this will be my third blocker.
The first one I got in 2011.
The second one I got two years ago in 2014.
The first one, we did it right in the, um The office, outpatient.
- I was awake, yeah.
- I videotaped it.
It was very interesting.
So, this time, going in for your procedure, you're probably gonna go to the O.
R.
Because this surgeon did not put your blocker in, and there may be some concern about it being more difficult.
And they put you under, they put an I.
V.
in, and then you go to sleep.
This is a special circumstance.
We took Jazz all the way across the country to have surgery done because we wanted to save money, but when the doctor says it's in Jazz's best interest to be in the O.
R.
under general anesthesia, that's the direction we need to go.
How are you feeling about that? I just, honestly, just want to get the blocker in as soon as possible.
I just have anxiety, so that's easier for me.
I'm just asleep.
I don't have to remember it all.
I just won't have to worry about it.
She doesn't like it as much.
She gets scared.
Jeanette: I'm definitely nervous about the surgery with general anesthesia.
Every mother's worst fear is like [Gasps.]
"What if they don't wake up afterward?" Are there any risks with surgery? There's always a risk of infection, headaches maybe, or just kind of a groggy feeling.
There's probably a very small risk of blood loss, but it's not a lot.
Because the anesthesia and the O.
R.
are a lot more costly than doing it in the doctor's office, we're gonna have to use our credit cards and do whatever it is we have to do to make it happen.
But then we'll fight with insurance after.
We'll try to get the money back later.
Jazz: I want everything to go smoothly, but, you know, you can never be sure about anything, so - Yeah.
- We can only hope.
- See you real soon.
- Bye, baby.
Love you.
- All right.
Bye.
- Take good care of her.
Love you all.
Jeanette: I'm nervous.
I just can't help being nervous.
Raymond: Oh! Look who's here.
Hello! Welcome! So good to see you! Good to see you, too.
Jazz: Today I'm at Raymond's office, and I know he has some secret project he wants to work on with me, and I'm just dying to find out what it is.
And I see Carmen Carrera, and I kind of freak out inside.
Welcome.
This is my co-working space here, so I thought it would be fun for you to kind of see where I work out of.
- It's so nice in here.
- Thank you.
Carmen Carrera is a famous transgender supermodel, and she's a huge deal.
I mean, she's been on multiple TV shows.
She's even walked on a runway show with Victoria's Secret.
So, how's the trip been so far? Good.
We went to the hospital.
Okay.
We met with the doctors.
And we're all set to go for Monday for surgery.
Oh, wow.
If you don't mind me asking, what are you guys Like, what's the surgery for? It's the hormone blocker.
Oh, wow.
I didn't know that they could actually, like, put an implant in to do that.
This is for children before they go through puberty, so it blocks it before.
But I know that the reason why we're here is because you have some special project.
I've been trying to guess with Mom.
I'm like, "what is this project? Raymond has some amazing idea.
" Yes.
Well, hopefully, this is gonna be something fun to, like, take your mind off the worries around surgery and everything while you're in L.
A.
I have this project called "Visible Me," and the idea was to really showcase stories from LGBTQ youth all over the world.
Because, for me, I grew up in a really small, conservative town in Ohio, and I just didn't see any openly LGBTQ people in my community.
And I'm asking, you know, kids all around the world to take a photo of themself and then share their story and all the different triumphs and struggles that people have, everything from, like, coming out, body image, self-esteem, dating, you know, talking to your parents about it, and just really trying to explore all these different topics so that people who are looking at the project know that they're not alone and they can kind of relate to someone else.
And I thought it could be really cool to have you and Carmen in the image together.
We've never had a photo that features two people in it before.
But I thought that it being you and Carmen, it's gonna inspire even more people to participate.
Carmen and I can use our platform on social media to help other LGBTQ kids out there in the world by being able to share our story, getting our message across that it's okay to step out of the shadows and just be who you are.
Greg: There it is Muscle Beach.
What should we do first? Something that I could actually do? I wanted to take the boys out for some guy time and take them over to Muscle Beach because we all want to get in shape.
Sun's out, guns out.
[Grunts.]
Go.
You're not cheating yourself.
You're not cheating yourself.
Yeah.
Big man, right here.
So, who can lift more out of the two of you guys? Me.
I mean, we could try and find out, - but he is, like - Let me see what you got.
- He is a little bigger than me.
- That's pretty good.
Out of all three of us, I've definitely been getting my pump on the most and grinding a lot harder than them.
And at Muscle Beach, I'm showing it.
Why don't we hit the bench? We could have a competition there.
Then we'll see what happens.
Sander's all like, "oh, let's bench.
Let's have a competition," and I'm like, "oh.
" And you'll need to spot me.
'Cause you're pretty weak.
Greg: All I'm really concerned about is staying in shape, being fit and as healthy as I can be for my age.
Good guns.
[Chuckles.]
- I'll give you a lift-off.
- Okay.
- Ready, go.
- 3, 2, 1.
Oh, look at that.
Ooh, you shakin', boy.
You shakin'.
[Groans.]
Griffen: Sander has worked out way more than me.
However, you better watch out, homey.
Hey, keep dreaming, dawg.
Dream big.
- I am dreaming big.
- That's small.
One You good? All right, pick that up.
Pick that up.
Hey.
I told you I'd get two.
Good job.
If you get two reps of this, you're the winner, man.
- Two reps? - Yeah.
- Enjoy.
- Two reps.
All right.
I'll try my best.
Greg: I enjoy having guy time with the twins before they go off to college.
I know that time is precious and that they're gonna be gone soon, and they'll come home on vacations, but it won't be the same, you know? There will definitely be an empty place in my heart.
Congratulations.
You're the champ.
You won.
The champ.
Ooh, that's not smooth, man.
- Do you want to get started? - Yeah.
- Okay, cool.
- Wait, so what do we do? [Laughs.]
"So, what do we do?" Wait, what happening? So I think Why don't we start with both of you right here? Jazz: Today, I'm doing this photo shoot for this project called "Visible Me," and I'm doing it with Raymond and Carmen Carrera, and I'm just super excited to be a part of it.
Wait, should we be in the same tree? I think so.
The transgender tree.
[Laughing.]
The transgender tree.
Carmen.
Our idea for the photo is opening up to the world, you know, we're no longer gonna remain hidden.
We're gonna show our faces and go from being invisible to visible.
Oh, cool.
Raymond: I think that working with Carmen and Jazz is really fun because they are both doing such great work for the community Being visible, making positive changes.
I love that.
That's great.
And I hope this photo shoot lets all of the LGBTQ youth know that they are not alone.
So, I'm gonna go dump these, and I'll be back in a couple minutes.
Okay.
That's fine.
We'll just chill here.
- That was fun, right? - Yeah, it was fun.
That was cool.
So, how are you feeling about your surgery? I'm just kind of glad that this is the last one, though, and after this, I won't have to worry about it ever again.
So, then, what's the next step after? Basically, after this implant, the next step is bottom surgery.
Oh, is that what you're gonna do? I haven't fully, you know, decided.
I'm pretty sure that I'm going to do it, though.
Jazz: When this hormone blocker implant needs to be replaced, I'll be 17 years old, and I can finally have bottom surgery.
I'll stop making testosterone, and I won't need another implant.
It's just like how, when, where All the specifics, I haven't really been thinking about.
I haven't discussed it with my parents.
You know, I'm trying to find a way to tell them that we really have to start considering this.
My first instinct is kind of like, "oh, no.
Let's not talk about this.
" Because she is still a child, you know? And she should be able to enjoy being a child.
But truth of the matter is, like, she's a young woman, and she's blossoming, you know? And this conversation is important.
Did you get the surgery? Um yes and no.
Okay.
Like, I had my orchiectomy.
Wait.
So what is an orchiectomy? Yes.
Orchiectomy is where they remove your testicles.
I guess it's, like, a way to, like, have your brain identify as female.
Because your brain is always releasing those chemicals "No testicles! Oh, you're a female!" Right.
So, that's where I am now.
I think that a lot of people generally think that transgender means that you're a bunch of surgery and, like, fake body parts.
It's like, "okay, well, slap a pair of boobs on and cut your ding-a-ling off, and now you're a girl.
" It's like, it's way more than that, and I wish people knew.
I'm in no rush, but I'm definitely thinking about it more than ever before, since after this step, that really is the next step.
Jazz: Deep inside, I know who I am, but getting bottom surgery will help show everyone that I am a girl and no one can say otherwise.
I think I'm ready.
You're a brave girl.
Thanks.
Jeanette: I know she's is good hands, but still.
You know, it's out of my control.
Bye.
I'll see you in a minute your time.
I don't like seeing her wheeled off, and I feel helpless right now.
Nobody wants to see their child in a hospital for any reason.
I've never seen one of these that get infected, Look at my arm.
What is causing this? It's right up there as well.
That looks even worse than ever.
Oh my god.
Griffen: Whoa.
This is a big hospital.
[Groans.]
Hey.
Is it too early in the morning for sunglasses? Yeah.
It's dark out.
Where is the sun? This hospital's huge.
We got to go to check in.
It's finally time to get my T-blocker surgery.
Jennings for surgery.
Jazz: I'm feeling only a slight bit nervous, but, you know, I'm just excited to get it done.
It's a big turning point in my life.
It's the final surgery before the bottom surgery.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
My name's Maria.
And you're Jazz? You like to be called Jazz, or? Okay.
I'm going to be your nurse and get you ready for your procedure this morning.
We're gonna take you back to just kind of a more private room.
We'll get your vital signs.
Okay.
But you can put your stuff wherever, Mom.
Oh, okay.
I just want to confirm this is the correct legal name? Yes.
That's correct.
- And the correct birthdate? - Correct.
Jeanette: All this for Jazz is a means to an end.
She doesn't want to develop as a male and just have her be a regular girl, and that's the most important thing in her life.
Greg: Unfortunately, this is sort of a way of life for Jazz, that she has to constantly go through this process, you know.
It's not like everybody else.
I'm gonna have you change your clothes.
The fact that this is her last blocker makes me happy, but it also makes me worry because after this runs out, it's like, the next big thing would be gender reassignment surgery.
And I'm not ready to think about that.
- Are you decent? - Yeah.
Da-da da da - Very fashionable.
- Aren't I cute? How you feeling? Oh, my god.
You're always recording.
Okay, Mom.
Okay, that's a little close.
You're getting really in her face there, huh? Hi, I'm Shawna.
I'm a nurse anesthetist.
I'll be part of the anesthesia team.
Awesome.
Okay, so I'm just gonna talk to you guys a little bit about the anesthesia for her procedure today.
So, for this type of anesthesia, you'll be completely asleep.
You won't hear, feel, or remember anything that goes on.
There are some risks to general anesthesia.
Unfortunately, I have to go over the things that can happen, but they rarely do.
There's potential for heart and lung complications, allergic reaction to medication, sore throat, nausea and vomiting.
These things are very rare.
Okay? Any questions about the anesthesia? Nope.
No? Okay.
She has no idea what we're feeling.
Greg: Jazz has always been a pretty cool customer.
As parents, you can only Can't really share how you feel as a parent until you've been a parent.
So, how you feeling? You ready? Yeah.
You're not anxious anymore at all, or are you a little bit? No, I'm really not.
I'm just I'm feeling good.
Knowing that my whole family is there to support me It's just incredible, you know? And I feel super grateful.
Say goodbye now? All right.
I'll see you in a minute your time.
I don't like seeing her wheeled off.
- See you real soon.
- Bye, baby.
Love you.
- Bye.
- Take good care of her.
Love you all.
I'm nervous.
I just can't help being nervous.
I know she's is good hands, but still.
You know, it's out of my control.
We just want to see Jazz again real quick.
Hopefully, she'll be 100%.
Jazz: Next time on "I Am Jazz" Nobody want see their child in a hospital for any reason.
I've never seen one of these that get infected, but if the skin around it starts turning really red, that would be something that I would want to know about.
Let met see your arm.
That's not supposed to happen.
What is causing this? Is it gonna get worse? Are we gonna have to take the implant out? My friend told me that at his high school, so many kids have been coming out as trans.
Like, 10 maybe 12 at one high school.
Really? 'Cause in Jazz's high school, there's Jazz.
Yay! The kids would love to meet Jazz.
Wouldn't you like to meet some kids that can relate to you? Jazz: My mom is super concerned about me because I have no friends at school.
Like, during lunchtime, I eat in the bathrooms.
I don't like socializing that much.
It's not hard for me to make new friends.
I just don't want to do it.
Did you ever feel like, "I'm going to kill myself"? I presented my school in a dress that I had.
Kids were making jokes.
This whole swarm of kids just started taking pictures.
That sounds awful.
In a sense, I almost feel like I had it easier compared to someone else like you who did have to go through puberty.
I look like a man in a dress.
That's sad.
We know that your blocker implant has pretty much run its course.
If your estrogen/testosterone balance gets off, that that could have dramatic effects on your mood.
The best move here would be to do a surgery.
Jazz: And tonight on "I Am Jazz" If my son brought home a transgender, I don't think I would be jumping for joy - and through hoops and - I don't think anybody would.
We're going out to California.
Jazz is having surgery, and we want her to have the best of care.
I'm definitely nervous about the surgery.
Every mother's worst fear is like [Gasps.]
"What if they don't wake up afterward?" - Love you.
- Bye.
- Take good care of her.
- Love you all.
Jazz: 15 years ago, I was assigned male at birth, but inside, I always knew I was a girl.
I have a girl brain and a boy body.
Being transgender hasn't been easy.
You already have some breast shape.
We just have to make it better.
I get shy talking to gorgeous girls.
Wait, what? But it's made me who I am.
I Am Jazz.
Jeanette: What are you and Noelle looking for when you go shopping today? Like, anything specific? You know me.
I really don't like shopping, but I still wanted to go shopping with Noelle because she didn't really have a lot of girl clothes.
She was wearing the, like, same two outfits to school every single day.
Noelle is my new friend who is transgender just like me.
We burned her male clothes from her past to kind of, like, burn away those painful memories.
This is a huge weight off my chest.
She has to have a closet full of girl stuff if she's gonna be a girl.
Noelle: So, how's school been for you, Jazz? Today, some kid called me a gender-bender.
I'm actually growing proud of transphobic people 'cause they're getting really creative now.
[Laughter.]
I really like Noelle, and I'm so glad that Jazz has a transgender girlfriend that she's hanging out with because I think they can relate to each other in a way that Jazz's other friends can't.
All right, you ready to do this? Yeah.
Jazz: I transitioned at a young age, but with Noelle, she's lived the majority of her life so far as male, and it's more difficult to find your sense of style when you haven't been wearing female clothes.
Oh, my gosh.
This is a romper.
I don't know what a romper is.
You've never heard of a romper? Ready? I'm gonna blow your mind.
It's a shirt and shorts connected.
Isn't it magical? I'm dead serious.
That blew my mind.
But I don't have the legs for that.
Clothes shopping is a lot different for me than with Jazz just because I feel like Jazz has a lot more feminine body and she can get away with more styles because nobody will see her as trans.
I hate looking masculine just so much.
There are, like, a lot of requirements I have for clothes because I have a lot of scars.
How'd you get the scars? I had a lot of really bad bacne.
Oh, my god.
I don't go to the beach anymore.
I don't go to the pool.
I really take into consideration what clothes I wear.
Oh.
That sucks.
Seeing Noelle transition to become her true self makes me realize that I'm so lucky to have gone through this transition at an early age.
With me, my main insecurity is just my weight, so I try to wear, like, flowy things that help cover it up.
[Chuckles.]
So do you want to go try on stuff? Uh, sure.
Let's do it.
See you in a few.
All right.
Okay.
Everything we got is, like, extra small.
Noelle: Trying on new clothes, there are some things that really expose me as a trans woman.
I don't think this is something that I'd wear.
It's not your thing.
I could tell.
But these outfits do give me a sense of confidence, just because I am getting closer and closer to passing and presenting as a girl every day.
Can we actually sit down? I'm actually overheating right now.
Really? Yeah.
We can sit down.
I'm fine with that.
[Chuckles.]
I'm not sure if you went through this, but when you got the hormone blocker, did you get hot flashes? No.
Not at all.
When did you get your hormone blocker? Um, I got it, like, last July.
I've had this one for like two years now, and it's running out, so we're getting a new one.
Are you nervous about the surgery? Well, the first time I did it, it kind of hurt.
Yeah, it burns.
It burns! Jazz: It's really great to have a transgender friend nearby like Noelle because she really understands what I'm going through.
Talking with my other friends isn't the same because they don't really put themselves in my shoes.
But with Noelle, she's wearing the same shoes that I am.
Jeanette: What are you doing? Cleaning up the playroom.
What do you mean, cleaning up the playroom? I'm cleaning it up.
I want it to be functional again.
Greg is not allowed to go anywhere in the house and start ditching stuff without checking in with me first.
Look! Jazz's little Halloween-y thing.
- You know what? - Tinker Bell.
I was putting some of the costumes in there.
Aww! Preschool memories.
We have to hang this up.
I understand this stuff has sentimental value, and I know it's hard with the kids going off to college.
They're not gone yet.
You want to bury them before they've left? That's a little harsh.
I don't want to box it up.
I'm just really sad.
We're gonna be almost empty nesters.
Like, just having Jazz in the house is gonna be so weird.
I'm used to a house full of life and laughter, and it'll be quiet around here.
We're gonna have to make our own ruckus.
This is Stinky Pete.
- Yes, it is.
- Jazz's first Halloween costume! How am I 50? How are these boys going off to college? Like, I'm not ready to end this ride I'm on.
Somebody put a pause button on life, like, stop.
I want to clean the place and leave the good stuff here.
So, you want me to leave it to you to clean the place? Yeah, I can clean it.
And what's that smell? [Sniffs.]
Oh.
Something smells really bad in here.
Oh, my god.
Ew! Diarrhea.
[Laughing.]
It's diarrhea.
That's my wedding veil! That's my wedding veil! That's really disgusting.
I'm just curious Not that you could think like a cat But why would it poop on the veil? [Laughing.]
I don't know.
And why was the veil sitting out there? You can't make this [Bleep.]
up.
[Laughs.]
[Sighs.]
Anyway.
I think we're done cleaning for now, then.
I'm gonna come back and clean, but I wanted to tell you something first.
I've got good news and I've got bad news.
Give me the good news.
The good news is that I am buying the T-blocker with our old insurance.
So we just saved almost $20,000.
And that's gonna come before the insurance coverage changes.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
That's good news because that's a That is one of the biggest expenses related to it.
The bad news is that we can't schedule surgery in the time frame that we have the old insurance.
Jazz's testosterone levels are going up, and we need to have her testosterone blocker replaced before we see signs of male puberty, but the insurance company does not cover the surgery.
If you have go into the O.
R.
, there's a lot of costs, and now we're in a new position where we need another option.
We have to go out-of-pocket, and it's gonna cost a fortune if we have to do it here.
So I'd rather do it at the L.
A.
Children's Hospital.
I know one of the doctors there very well.
And they don't put the kids under general anesthesia and all that.
Yeah, but it's more cost-effective to do it in California than it is to do it locally? We don't have to buy an O.
R.
or an anesthesiologist or anesthesia, and there's urgency, too.
The T-blocker's wearing off.
There's no doubt about that.
I'm thinking maybe we can go as a family, make a little vacation out of it, too? That makes sense.
Our number one priority with Jazz's medical issues is making sure she gets the proper medical attention that she needs immediately.
We're not gonna wait for the insurance company to determine it.
And so if we have to come out of pocket and then fight with the insurance company, that's what we're gonna do.
Have you already contacted Children's Hospital? Yeah.
We've run out of time, so this has to be done.
Hello? Where are you? - I'm here.
Look.
- You're here.
Hello.
You are so late.
I'm sorry.
Just think about when you get your license, though.
You won't have these problems anymore.
Well, I can't get my license yet.
You could have gotten your permit a couple of months ago.
I'm not in a super big rush to get my permit.
I'm gonna be driving my entire life, and I kind of like getting chauffeured around.
I have some news to share.
You ready? Yes, señorita.
This is serious stuff.
Okay, señorita.
Okay, so, the new insurance that we got will not cover anything for transgender people.
That's so screwed up.
Yeah, you're right.
It is awful.
A parent should not have to explain to their child that their medical needs will not be met by insurance.
She shouldn't have to hear that or know that.
So, Dad and I decided we're gonna go to California and we're gonna have it done there.
Does that delay the time that I'll be getting the hormone blocker? 'Cause I definitely feel the effects on my body.
Really? Running low on the T-blockers means that all of the hormones will be entering my body again The testosterone mixed with the estrogen that I'm taking and the antidepressants.
I'll be completely imbalanced, and it'll cause me to go cuckoo.
Every single day, I'm just so out of it.
I'm always moody and everything.
And that can't be because of nothing.
Jeanette: I'm extremely concerned.
I don't want to mess with Jazz's moods, and I don't want her to be depressed again.
Why do insurance companies get to choose who they will and won't cover? Well, that's a good question, but I guess It's all about money.
It all boils down to money.
Yeah, but in the end game, what's more important money or life? Are there any risks with surgery? There's always a risk of infection.
There's probably a very small risk of blood loss.
I just I just have anxiety.
Jacky: What are you looking for? Well, I'm just here, like, to appease Greg, basically.
[Laughs.]
Appease Greg? Yeah.
We are shopping for a new couch because the cat made doody balls on it.
Just so gross.
We were in the playroom, and he's talking about getting rid of things that represent the kids.
I'm sad about the fact that they're going to college, and he's ready to just, like, forget them or whatever.
I don't know what he's thinking.
But I don't want to pack up all their stuff that means a lot to me.
[Voice breaking.]
He doesn't care.
He doesn't care.
[Sniffles.]
Can I have a tissue? Sure.
Do you understand where Greg is coming from, as opposed to where you're coming from? He knows I'm so upset.
He knows I'm really sad.
Like, they're a big part of my life, and then when they're gone Now it'll just be Jazz and I.
Not gone, never to see them again, god forbid.
Well, they're gonna be.
They will come and go.
It's another phase.
They're not gonna want to, though.
Like, once they're gone, they don't care.
It's gonna be awful.
I'm just gonna be lonely.
Like, so much of my life is them.
What would have been the answer, that you had another six kids? Eventually, this was going to happen.
She's not ready to cut to cord.
I think if there was no interference, Jeanette would have had a dozen kids.
I know she'll survive, but she's gonna have to cry some more tears.
I'm also really stressed out because insurance isn't gonna cover Jazz's surgery.
What are you doing? We'll go to California.
They have a wonderful facility out there that's for transgender youth.
So she'll get great medical care.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just nerve-racking.
It's another battle.
Yep.
Anyway So, what's going on in your world? I'm looking forward to hostessing a luncheon.
Mm-hmm.
For a group of us friends who go back to when you and your brother were little children.
And so we all sit around and chit-chat.
That the issue of transgender people.
They'll have questions about Jazz.
Yeah.
Okay.
Jacky: I get the feeling that my friends are holding back their true feelings about Jazz, so I want to go a-digging and see if I can some answers that will satisfy me.
But it's a big responsibility.
It's not just going out and discussing your latest hairdo or what nail polish you're wearing.
This is whole nother ballgame.
What if one of them were to say, "you know what? I think it's wrong.
They should have waited till Jazz was an adult.
" Like, what do you say to that? I'm still thinking about it, but I would share my feelings and my thoughts.
When we first found out that Jazz was transgender, it was very tough on my mom.
She was devastated.
So I want my mother to be open and honest with her friends.
I know they have a lot of questions.
They don't get it.
So it could be interesting.
I'm looking forward to seeing my friends.
[Laughing.]
And hopefully, I don't lose a friend or two along the way.
Well, then they're not really your friends, are they? This is true.
[Facetime rings.]
Hello.
Well, hello, there.
This is a nice surprise.
I look so bad in that camera.
[Laughs.]
Jazz: Raymond is my friend, and he is a huge advocate in the LGBTQ community.
My LGBTQ hero, HRC Youth Ambassador Jazz Jennings.
[Cheers and applause.]
He makes YouTube videos with other advocates, as well, and what he's doing is really changing lives and impacting others out there.
So, I might be able to see you again soon 'cause I'm going to L.
A.
for my surgery.
Wait, wait, wait.
What surgery are you getting? Can I ask you about that, too? I know that sometimes it's not appropriate to, like, ask someone trans about procedures that they get.
Raymond, you do not have to worry.
Anything you ask is appropriate.
So, basically, it's just an implant that I get in my arm, and it blocks the testosterone in my body so I don't have to develop the male characteristics.
Why are you coming out to L.
A.
? Is there, like, a really good surgeon out here? It's actually for very messed-up reasons.
It's because our insurance doesn't cover the medical procedure for transgender individuals.
Oh, my gosh.
That's so Wait, so you have to just travel every time you would need, like, a doctor's appointment or a procedure? It's all these little factors, but, like, it costs less to go to L.
A.
Than it would to go to a local hospital.
Well, we're gonna make sure that you have the best trip to L.
A.
, and we're gonna make the best of an unfair situation.
I actually have this project that I'm really excited to tell you more about when you get here, so maybe that can be, like, a little silver lining after your procedure that you can be part of the project.
Okay.
That sounds awesome.
Even though we're going to L.
A.
, it doesn't have to be all about the procedure.
We get to have some fun.
I just want to find out what it is right now.
All right, bye.
Greg: Hey, kids.
[Whistles.]
The food's getting cold.
We got big bear food.
You said food? Isn't that somebody's side dish? Yeah, it's everybody's.
I have to say, we're not doing a very good job of helping each other order the right healthy food.
Not too long ago, everyone in the family made a decision that we need to lose weight and get healthy.
We've been working out every now and then, but for the most part, when it comes to eating, we haven't been doing great.
Mom just gained a lot of weight.
Thanks.
Griffen: Yeah, but it's all right 'cause I got a great idea.
We found an obstacle course.
It's called rugged maniac.
It has 25 obstacles, and it's a 5k race.
Jeanette: Oh, my god.
We found this rugged maniac obstacle course that we think would be great to test our fitness.
So we can see if what we've been doing and what we're gonna be doing in the next few months pays off.
You bounce on a trampoline and then jump over a wall.
Greg: It looks like we'll be in the mud.
Jeanette: The frog hop Oh, my god.
I'll die.
This isn't like Oh, there's no way I'm doing this.
The gauntlet! It has those things that swing and knock off as you're walking.
I threw up the other day on a stair climber.
I mean, how am I gonna [Laughs.]
Going through mud things and sliding down things, and they're gonna take pictures of me.
Like, I'm hoping the place shuts down or something.
No.
[Laughs.]
Mom, I'll take care of you.
- Yeah? - Nope, I'll be winning.
Yeah.
Greg: So, we wanted to tell you guys something.
In a few days, we're going out to California.
Why? Jazz is having surgery, and we want her to have the best of care, and that happens to be in California.
So, I'm confused.
What exactly is the surgery? Like, what does it do? So, basically, they'll cut open my arm, take out the old implant, put in a new implant, close it back up, and then wrap it up, and then I'll be good.
If you didn't get this, what would happen? Well, basically, with all the hormone imbalance in my body, I would just be crazy, and you remember how I was depressed a few months back.
Then I'll start getting the deeper voice, the things will drop, and then [Laughs.]
Um Well, Griffin's haven't dropped yet, so, I mean I'm sorry.
I just got a visual on that.
Wait.
What things? Nuts.
- Nuts? - Deez nuts.
[Laughter.]
Jazz: My brothers have been super supportive throughout all of my surgeries.
You know, they really just accept me for who I am.
So, are you scared for the surgery at all, or? I'm scared 'cause I don't want any of these bad things to happen.
If I don't get this blocker in time, I will start turning into a male, so I just need to get this implant in my arm as soon as possible and continue my transition safely as a female.
If my son brought home a transgender, I don't think I would be jumping for joy and through hoops and Do you understand for science? It was very easy.
Don't worry.
- It was? - Yes.
Jazz: At the beginning of high school, I was kind of going through a difficult time.
My friends thought I was ignoring them altogether.
I was just down.
I think things are finally starting to get better, but we're still rebuilding our relationship.
Okay, so, the other day, I was talking to Damien in the hall, and he was like, "yo, Tayack is actually pretty cute.
" - Damien? - I think Damien's cute.
But his nose is so big.
No, but you remember We were sitting in here, like, a couple days ago, and he, like, walked down the stairs.
She was like, "oh, he's cute.
" Tayack, do you like him, too? He's cute.
Ahh! Jazz: I still don't even talk to boys at all.
I don't care enough.
Don't you want a boyfriend, or? I really don't.
I feel like you think you don't, but you do.
No, I don't.
My dating life does not exist at all, and boys are still a touchy subject with me and my friends.
I just don't think they understand that dating is more complicated for me.
Wait, did I tell you guys that I've been hanging out with this girl? Her name is Noelle, and she's transgender just like me.
- That's cool.
- Oh, cool.
And I've never had, like, a friend who's transgender who lives so close to me.
- Is she your age? - Yeah.
She's our age.
Rachel: I think it's a good idea for her to reach out to people that could relate to more because she could help them or they could help her, so it's like a win-win situation.
Brooke: Yeah, because we try to help Jazz as much as we can, but we don't know exactly what she's going through.
That's probably really hard to transition very late.
Like, people probably are so judgmental.
Yeah.
She's had a very, very hard time because she had already started male puberty, so, like Yeah.
It's even harder then.
She has to deal with things that I don't have to deal with, like facial hair starting to come in, other things, getting a deeper voice.
She's a really sweet person, and she's really cool.
Would you guys be open to hanging out with her? Yeah, I would love to meet her.
I think she would like you guys.
I don't know how my friends are gonna react to Noelle because she doesn't pass as well as I do, but I hope meeting Noelle will help them better realize the struggle of being transgender.
- What time is it? - It's like 6:00 already.
- Oh, gosh.
- Yes.
I have to go, for sure.
I'm just gonna read a book.
[Laughter.]
Uh, we're missing somebody.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi! - Hi! Sorry.
You know me Always running a little late.
[Laughter.]
Jacky: I am nervous about the luncheon.
I would like to give out certain information, but I want to hear back.
Some of my friends are totally closed, not comfortable.
Some are half-closed.
And if they're struggling with some thoughts about Jazz, I want to hear them.
We're lucky to all be together.
Yes.
Yes.
We're here because I would really like to speak to you about my grandchild and what's happening and what you know that's happening or anything that you don't know that's happening.
How is she doing, Jacky? She's doing great.
I wish I could see her more.
I have memories of Jazz when she was quite young, and she would only wear the bathing suit with a tutu.
And now, in retrospect, the cover-up.
There's that identity thing again.
Absolutely.
Still, clothing is a problem.
She dresses very feminine, though.
I mean, if you didn't know, you wouldn't know.
- No.
- No.
But when it first happened, it was like It was an oddity.
My husband and I were like, "uh uh Like, what is going on?" I don't think your experience was unusual at all, you know, a disbelief A disbelief that that could really be the case.
It didn't fit with the norm, whatever the norm is.
That was it.
How could that be? I thought, you know, what does it really mean, you know? Does this mean she's gay, is she a lesbian, is she combination of both, or? Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I'm thrilled that my friends are opening up, and I'm excited to see what will come out of the discussions.
Woman: Nobody thought transgender.
It's not a word that we grew up with.
And there you go.
There's the Caitlyn Jenners of the world.
- Yes.
- Exactly.
And as much as we support them, my gut reaction is, "that is one manly woman.
" If everybody's truly being honest with themselves If my son brought home a transgender, I don't think I would be jumping for joy and through hoops and Woman: For this type of anesthesia, you'll be completely asleep.
There's potential for heart and lung complications, allergic reaction to medication.
She has no idea what we're feeling.
If my son brought home a transgender, I don't think I would be jumping for joy and through hoops and It's going to take a generation to have changed it completely.
Many of my generation are steeped in old values and very stodgy, limited thinking.
I hope people will be more open-minded, but many are not.
My big concern Her wanting to fit in.
Also, there's dating that starts.
Does Jazz foresee herself as having a boyfriend? She wants what every person in this world's right is to love and be loved.
I don't know how easy that's gonna be in high school.
It's gonna be very tough.
Jack: Let's call a spade a spade.
No matter how attractive she is, no matter how great a personality she is, she will be looked at in high school as the girl who has a thingy down there.
Jacky, let me ask you another question.
Because she's now getting older.
- The surgery.
- The surgery.
- That's a huge step.
- Yes.
But she doesn't have to have surgery ever.
What happens if she could change her mind? I mean Can she go backwards with all this hormones that she's been taking? Yes.
But when you block the male and introduce the female at puberty, you have stopped reproduction.
- Oh.
- Oh, wow.
Well, that's pretty heavy.
She will never be a woman born woman.
Our lives would be easier if Jazz was born straight and stayed with a straight world.
There's no doubt about it.
But from the moment Jazz said, "I am a girl," there was no holding back.
There's no handbook.
There's no right or wrong.
You're stepping through a minefield, helping her navigate as best as possible.
It's not all sunshine and roses, and that's the journey that we're still on that will be there forever.
I was happy and satisfied with the luncheon.
I didn't have any great revelations, but it was sharing experience.
And I just continue to learn about me, and I'm still growing.
It's complicated, but it's her journey.
Her journey.
We're along for the ride.
I'm excited for this trip because I am getting my implant blocker! Bye, Luna.
Nope.
Getting the baggies checked in.
Greg: Are you expecting it to snow on the plane? Is that why you need that rug? Stop.
Greg: Is it me, or is it foggy out? - Yeah, it is foggy.
- I was wondering if it's - Up in the hills there.
- Is it smog? We're in California, guys.
We're definitely not in Florida anymore.
What does that look like? Oh, that looks like L.
A.
traffic.
[Gasps.]
- Oh, great.
- That is bad.
You sounded like Dorothy.
You're like, "we're not in Florida anymore.
" I think the guy behind me just gave me the finger.
- Whoa.
- Ladies first.
- Look at this.
- After you, young man.
Jazz: Wait, we have both of these rooms? Holy mackerel.
This is the king bed.
Wow.
I didn't know heaven looked like this.
This is Mommy's room right here.
Where is my big purple suitcase? How do you think Jazz is doing there? - She looks exhausted.
- She's not doing so well.
She wasn't in very good spirits on the ride in.
Nope.
Jeanette: Jazz is really moody, but, you know, she's got a lot going on Hormones, the upcoming surgery.
It's just all these things, you know, inside of her, and it probably just, you know, overcame her.
Maybe she's just anxious.
Obviously we're here for the medical stuff, but we'll try to make it kind of a family trip as best we can.
Okay.
I know it's not easy 'cause Jazz has this surgery, but I want us to do fun things and enjoy each other's company, and I'm hoping we can turn Jazz's mood around.
They can sleep in the king bed, then.
No, this is our bed.
[Laughs.]
You sign in.
We'll sit down.
We're meeting with Dr.
Olson today to go over Jazz's surgery What her recommendations are, what she says we need to know about the implant, the options everything.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Hi! - Hi.
- How are you doing? - I love seeing you.
Nice to see you.
Hi, hi.
- Good to see you.
- How are you? I've been doing work with transgender and gender-nonconforming youth for the past 10 years.
The Jennings family, like many families across the United States with transgender youth, do not have insurance coverage for the blockers, and we are the largest transgender youth clinic in the country.
It makes us a desirable place to have this procedure done.
I want to get some details from you about sort of your blocker and when it went in and how many you've had and sort of where you are at this point.
So, this will be my third blocker.
The first one I got in 2011.
The second one I got two years ago in 2014.
The first one, we did it right in the, um The office, outpatient.
- I was awake, yeah.
- I videotaped it.
It was very interesting.
So, this time, going in for your procedure, you're probably gonna go to the O.
R.
Because this surgeon did not put your blocker in, and there may be some concern about it being more difficult.
And they put you under, they put an I.
V.
in, and then you go to sleep.
This is a special circumstance.
We took Jazz all the way across the country to have surgery done because we wanted to save money, but when the doctor says it's in Jazz's best interest to be in the O.
R.
under general anesthesia, that's the direction we need to go.
How are you feeling about that? I just, honestly, just want to get the blocker in as soon as possible.
I just have anxiety, so that's easier for me.
I'm just asleep.
I don't have to remember it all.
I just won't have to worry about it.
She doesn't like it as much.
She gets scared.
Jeanette: I'm definitely nervous about the surgery with general anesthesia.
Every mother's worst fear is like [Gasps.]
"What if they don't wake up afterward?" Are there any risks with surgery? There's always a risk of infection, headaches maybe, or just kind of a groggy feeling.
There's probably a very small risk of blood loss, but it's not a lot.
Because the anesthesia and the O.
R.
are a lot more costly than doing it in the doctor's office, we're gonna have to use our credit cards and do whatever it is we have to do to make it happen.
But then we'll fight with insurance after.
We'll try to get the money back later.
Jazz: I want everything to go smoothly, but, you know, you can never be sure about anything, so - Yeah.
- We can only hope.
- See you real soon.
- Bye, baby.
Love you.
- All right.
Bye.
- Take good care of her.
Love you all.
Jeanette: I'm nervous.
I just can't help being nervous.
Raymond: Oh! Look who's here.
Hello! Welcome! So good to see you! Good to see you, too.
Jazz: Today I'm at Raymond's office, and I know he has some secret project he wants to work on with me, and I'm just dying to find out what it is.
And I see Carmen Carrera, and I kind of freak out inside.
Welcome.
This is my co-working space here, so I thought it would be fun for you to kind of see where I work out of.
- It's so nice in here.
- Thank you.
Carmen Carrera is a famous transgender supermodel, and she's a huge deal.
I mean, she's been on multiple TV shows.
She's even walked on a runway show with Victoria's Secret.
So, how's the trip been so far? Good.
We went to the hospital.
Okay.
We met with the doctors.
And we're all set to go for Monday for surgery.
Oh, wow.
If you don't mind me asking, what are you guys Like, what's the surgery for? It's the hormone blocker.
Oh, wow.
I didn't know that they could actually, like, put an implant in to do that.
This is for children before they go through puberty, so it blocks it before.
But I know that the reason why we're here is because you have some special project.
I've been trying to guess with Mom.
I'm like, "what is this project? Raymond has some amazing idea.
" Yes.
Well, hopefully, this is gonna be something fun to, like, take your mind off the worries around surgery and everything while you're in L.
A.
I have this project called "Visible Me," and the idea was to really showcase stories from LGBTQ youth all over the world.
Because, for me, I grew up in a really small, conservative town in Ohio, and I just didn't see any openly LGBTQ people in my community.
And I'm asking, you know, kids all around the world to take a photo of themself and then share their story and all the different triumphs and struggles that people have, everything from, like, coming out, body image, self-esteem, dating, you know, talking to your parents about it, and just really trying to explore all these different topics so that people who are looking at the project know that they're not alone and they can kind of relate to someone else.
And I thought it could be really cool to have you and Carmen in the image together.
We've never had a photo that features two people in it before.
But I thought that it being you and Carmen, it's gonna inspire even more people to participate.
Carmen and I can use our platform on social media to help other LGBTQ kids out there in the world by being able to share our story, getting our message across that it's okay to step out of the shadows and just be who you are.
Greg: There it is Muscle Beach.
What should we do first? Something that I could actually do? I wanted to take the boys out for some guy time and take them over to Muscle Beach because we all want to get in shape.
Sun's out, guns out.
[Grunts.]
Go.
You're not cheating yourself.
You're not cheating yourself.
Yeah.
Big man, right here.
So, who can lift more out of the two of you guys? Me.
I mean, we could try and find out, - but he is, like - Let me see what you got.
- He is a little bigger than me.
- That's pretty good.
Out of all three of us, I've definitely been getting my pump on the most and grinding a lot harder than them.
And at Muscle Beach, I'm showing it.
Why don't we hit the bench? We could have a competition there.
Then we'll see what happens.
Sander's all like, "oh, let's bench.
Let's have a competition," and I'm like, "oh.
" And you'll need to spot me.
'Cause you're pretty weak.
Greg: All I'm really concerned about is staying in shape, being fit and as healthy as I can be for my age.
Good guns.
[Chuckles.]
- I'll give you a lift-off.
- Okay.
- Ready, go.
- 3, 2, 1.
Oh, look at that.
Ooh, you shakin', boy.
You shakin'.
[Groans.]
Griffen: Sander has worked out way more than me.
However, you better watch out, homey.
Hey, keep dreaming, dawg.
Dream big.
- I am dreaming big.
- That's small.
One You good? All right, pick that up.
Pick that up.
Hey.
I told you I'd get two.
Good job.
If you get two reps of this, you're the winner, man.
- Two reps? - Yeah.
- Enjoy.
- Two reps.
All right.
I'll try my best.
Greg: I enjoy having guy time with the twins before they go off to college.
I know that time is precious and that they're gonna be gone soon, and they'll come home on vacations, but it won't be the same, you know? There will definitely be an empty place in my heart.
Congratulations.
You're the champ.
You won.
The champ.
Ooh, that's not smooth, man.
- Do you want to get started? - Yeah.
- Okay, cool.
- Wait, so what do we do? [Laughs.]
"So, what do we do?" Wait, what happening? So I think Why don't we start with both of you right here? Jazz: Today, I'm doing this photo shoot for this project called "Visible Me," and I'm doing it with Raymond and Carmen Carrera, and I'm just super excited to be a part of it.
Wait, should we be in the same tree? I think so.
The transgender tree.
[Laughing.]
The transgender tree.
Carmen.
Our idea for the photo is opening up to the world, you know, we're no longer gonna remain hidden.
We're gonna show our faces and go from being invisible to visible.
Oh, cool.
Raymond: I think that working with Carmen and Jazz is really fun because they are both doing such great work for the community Being visible, making positive changes.
I love that.
That's great.
And I hope this photo shoot lets all of the LGBTQ youth know that they are not alone.
So, I'm gonna go dump these, and I'll be back in a couple minutes.
Okay.
That's fine.
We'll just chill here.
- That was fun, right? - Yeah, it was fun.
That was cool.
So, how are you feeling about your surgery? I'm just kind of glad that this is the last one, though, and after this, I won't have to worry about it ever again.
So, then, what's the next step after? Basically, after this implant, the next step is bottom surgery.
Oh, is that what you're gonna do? I haven't fully, you know, decided.
I'm pretty sure that I'm going to do it, though.
Jazz: When this hormone blocker implant needs to be replaced, I'll be 17 years old, and I can finally have bottom surgery.
I'll stop making testosterone, and I won't need another implant.
It's just like how, when, where All the specifics, I haven't really been thinking about.
I haven't discussed it with my parents.
You know, I'm trying to find a way to tell them that we really have to start considering this.
My first instinct is kind of like, "oh, no.
Let's not talk about this.
" Because she is still a child, you know? And she should be able to enjoy being a child.
But truth of the matter is, like, she's a young woman, and she's blossoming, you know? And this conversation is important.
Did you get the surgery? Um yes and no.
Okay.
Like, I had my orchiectomy.
Wait.
So what is an orchiectomy? Yes.
Orchiectomy is where they remove your testicles.
I guess it's, like, a way to, like, have your brain identify as female.
Because your brain is always releasing those chemicals "No testicles! Oh, you're a female!" Right.
So, that's where I am now.
I think that a lot of people generally think that transgender means that you're a bunch of surgery and, like, fake body parts.
It's like, "okay, well, slap a pair of boobs on and cut your ding-a-ling off, and now you're a girl.
" It's like, it's way more than that, and I wish people knew.
I'm in no rush, but I'm definitely thinking about it more than ever before, since after this step, that really is the next step.
Jazz: Deep inside, I know who I am, but getting bottom surgery will help show everyone that I am a girl and no one can say otherwise.
I think I'm ready.
You're a brave girl.
Thanks.
Jeanette: I know she's is good hands, but still.
You know, it's out of my control.
Bye.
I'll see you in a minute your time.
I don't like seeing her wheeled off, and I feel helpless right now.
Nobody wants to see their child in a hospital for any reason.
I've never seen one of these that get infected, Look at my arm.
What is causing this? It's right up there as well.
That looks even worse than ever.
Oh my god.
Griffen: Whoa.
This is a big hospital.
[Groans.]
Hey.
Is it too early in the morning for sunglasses? Yeah.
It's dark out.
Where is the sun? This hospital's huge.
We got to go to check in.
It's finally time to get my T-blocker surgery.
Jennings for surgery.
Jazz: I'm feeling only a slight bit nervous, but, you know, I'm just excited to get it done.
It's a big turning point in my life.
It's the final surgery before the bottom surgery.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
My name's Maria.
And you're Jazz? You like to be called Jazz, or? Okay.
I'm going to be your nurse and get you ready for your procedure this morning.
We're gonna take you back to just kind of a more private room.
We'll get your vital signs.
Okay.
But you can put your stuff wherever, Mom.
Oh, okay.
I just want to confirm this is the correct legal name? Yes.
That's correct.
- And the correct birthdate? - Correct.
Jeanette: All this for Jazz is a means to an end.
She doesn't want to develop as a male and just have her be a regular girl, and that's the most important thing in her life.
Greg: Unfortunately, this is sort of a way of life for Jazz, that she has to constantly go through this process, you know.
It's not like everybody else.
I'm gonna have you change your clothes.
The fact that this is her last blocker makes me happy, but it also makes me worry because after this runs out, it's like, the next big thing would be gender reassignment surgery.
And I'm not ready to think about that.
- Are you decent? - Yeah.
Da-da da da - Very fashionable.
- Aren't I cute? How you feeling? Oh, my god.
You're always recording.
Okay, Mom.
Okay, that's a little close.
You're getting really in her face there, huh? Hi, I'm Shawna.
I'm a nurse anesthetist.
I'll be part of the anesthesia team.
Awesome.
Okay, so I'm just gonna talk to you guys a little bit about the anesthesia for her procedure today.
So, for this type of anesthesia, you'll be completely asleep.
You won't hear, feel, or remember anything that goes on.
There are some risks to general anesthesia.
Unfortunately, I have to go over the things that can happen, but they rarely do.
There's potential for heart and lung complications, allergic reaction to medication, sore throat, nausea and vomiting.
These things are very rare.
Okay? Any questions about the anesthesia? Nope.
No? Okay.
She has no idea what we're feeling.
Greg: Jazz has always been a pretty cool customer.
As parents, you can only Can't really share how you feel as a parent until you've been a parent.
So, how you feeling? You ready? Yeah.
You're not anxious anymore at all, or are you a little bit? No, I'm really not.
I'm just I'm feeling good.
Knowing that my whole family is there to support me It's just incredible, you know? And I feel super grateful.
Say goodbye now? All right.
I'll see you in a minute your time.
I don't like seeing her wheeled off.
- See you real soon.
- Bye, baby.
Love you.
- Bye.
- Take good care of her.
Love you all.
I'm nervous.
I just can't help being nervous.
I know she's is good hands, but still.
You know, it's out of my control.
We just want to see Jazz again real quick.
Hopefully, she'll be 100%.
Jazz: Next time on "I Am Jazz" Nobody want see their child in a hospital for any reason.
I've never seen one of these that get infected, but if the skin around it starts turning really red, that would be something that I would want to know about.
Let met see your arm.
That's not supposed to happen.
What is causing this? Is it gonna get worse? Are we gonna have to take the implant out? My friend told me that at his high school, so many kids have been coming out as trans.
Like, 10 maybe 12 at one high school.
Really? 'Cause in Jazz's high school, there's Jazz.
Yay! The kids would love to meet Jazz.
Wouldn't you like to meet some kids that can relate to you? Jazz: My mom is super concerned about me because I have no friends at school.
Like, during lunchtime, I eat in the bathrooms.
I don't like socializing that much.
It's not hard for me to make new friends.
I just don't want to do it.