Jeeves and Wooster s02e03 Episode Script

Have you ever noticed a rummy thing about life, Jeeves? Well, dash it, Jeeves.
I know you're disappointed.
Mind the doors, please.
I could not say, sir.
The last time she sent a telegram, it was to a dog.
A dog, sir? - Did the animal's appetite improve, sir? - Not noticeably.
Good afternoon, sir.
Welcome to Westcombe.
Ah, Behie.
At last.
Oh, so different to those bold girls one meets in London nowadays.
Her brother is curate at Chipley-in-the-Glen in Dorset.
Sidney, doesn't Mr Wooster remind you of Canon Blenkinsop, The municipal gardens, I'm for it this time, jeeves.
There isn't going to be any whiling.
Not with me and Miss Hemmingway.
- Very good, sir.
- Have you ever seen a floral clock? A family matter requires my presence in the metropolis tomorrow.
And the mother has asked that I might reason with the child.
Sidney.
Have you got the bags? What-ho, Reverend.
What-ho, Miss Hemmingway.
Mustn't keep you.
Behie.
Kindly restrain your language, Behie.
The llmouth Museum is renowned for its collection of knapped flints.
My word, Aline.
"A collection of flint arrowheads "found by Mr George Foster in his garden in Little llmouth.
"Presented to the llmouth Museum by his widow, Mrs Maud Foster, Ah, Jeeves, you're back.
Thank heavens.
Did you have a pleasant afternoon, sir? - Well, this is the life, eh, Jeeves? - Most agreeable, sir.
Now, you wouldn't get this in Antibes, Jeeves.
Anyway, what about Bluebottle for the next? Right.
- Well, they'll never find me here, Jeeves.
- I trust not, sir.
Oi! - Something up? - Ahem.
If you mean was I successful, I must answer in the negative.
Mr Wooster, we can't let you lend us all this money without any security.
My pearls.
Oh, dash it! Look, there's no need for security.
If you could give me a receipt as a matter of form.
Hemmingway with two Ms.
Biffy? Biffy.
- Biffy.
- Behie.
Why didn't you ask the way to your hotel? I'd give a shilling to know the name of that hotel.
Behie, old man, I came here to try and forget.
You seem to have managed that all right.
Anyway, I was going to tell you, Behie, Well, that's interesting, Biffy.
Do you know who I saw at the Drones? She was on stage.
She'd saved a few pounds I'm trying to make you understand she came of good middle-class stock, Oh.
Well, there you are, Biffy.
- And I shall wear my pearls, Thompson.
- Yes, madam.
Pardon me, madam.
Have you moved them? Oh.
My pearls have gone! Someone has stolen my pearls! I hold you responsible, Mr Bellwether.
Telephone for Mrs Chumley-Bassett.
We were behind a pile of trunks and I'd just asked her to be my wife, And I haven't set eyes on her since.
The fact is I'd forgotten her name.
Exactly.
She knows my name and where I live, but I haven't heard from her.
Go round the side.
This is absolutely disgraceful! Superintendent, I am a taxpayer.
Was a good friend of your chief constable.
An extraordinary ruckus going on out there, Jeeves.
- That's a bit of a coincidence.
- Sir? - Good news, Mr Wooster.
- Wonderful news.
- Well, that's good, isn't it? - We're so relieved.
Ah, there you are.
Oh.
I'm Jeeves! The pearls have gone.
This is a most serious development, Mr Wooster.
No, no.
I can see that.
What a ghastly coincidence.
Aunt Agatha and I both losing pearl necklaces.
Mr Wooster.
I trust you have searched the innermost recesses of your heah? Sergeant.
A moment of your time.
Oh, Mr Wooster.
Most amusing, Mr Wooster.
Your jewel case, Miss Hemmingway.
- Oh.
- Now we really must go.
Ah.
Miss Hemmingway, I believe.
- Well, it's empty.
- Just an empty box.
- What's going on? - Jeeves! Prop What do you mean These are Aunt Agatha's? I think you may be wrong there.
Aline Hemmingway was keen to marry me.
Good Lord! Well, I shall enjoy this.
- Mrs Gregson - I am asking you to arrest the girl.
Where The engagement is announced between Charles Edward, It's Biffy! Indeed it is, sir.
Assuredly not, sir.
What ho, Biffy.
Behie.
Still here, old fruit.
- Is it true you were engaged to Honoria? - It is.
Really? Biffy, I tell you what, I'll roll up to that lunch.
Any time you hear the thunder rumble down If the blues appear just make the best of them At the risk of sounding rather platitudinous But a smile will have him saying so long Do you know what I look for in a song, Jeeves? Most heah-warming, sir.
Yes, yes.
That will be all, Jeeves.
No, no.
No.
Oh.
Very well, then.
Yes, well.
I'm going back into that sitting room now, Jeeves, Yes.
Well, then.
The Wooster grey matter has been well and truly raked, Oofy.
Right.
Would you like to smell my buttonhole, Behie? I forgot to fill it up.
Hang on a minute.
This is what I love about Barmy's wheezes.
Right.
Behie, would you like to smell my No.
That's very nice, Barmy, thank you.
Good Lord.
Hello.
Good afternoon.
Mr Behram Wooster, sir.
What the devil are you doing? - I'm all wet.
- Calm yourself, Biffy, old egg.
I guarantee that in under three seconds, Sir Roderick and Lady Glossop and Miss Honoria Glossop.
Good afternoon, I trust - Has there been some soh of accident? - Oh, no, no.
Nothing serious.
Sorry.
I had to go and change my shih.
Are you working, Behie? The last time we met, you told me you were thinking about getting a job.
- Erm like flowers, do you, Sir Roderick? - Flowers? One of my most treasured memories Why don't we all go to the theatre tomorrow night? Well, go on, Biffy, do it.
- What are you doing? - He's gone mad.
Behie! Just so you'll be in with a chance again.
They make a nice display, don't they, sir? And his troops let him down at the eleventh hour.
The worst of it is that I've got to go to the theatre with them tomorrow, Dash it, Jeeves, you are positively heahless! I don't suppose anyone knows of it except me.
I may have some small influence, But he's travelling incognito Woof, woof It'll can make rate your Hey, girls, here comes Lady Ermintrude.
But she's got a man with her.
Woof, woof Mind my leg.
Mabel, I looked everywhere for you.
Mabel.
right across the orchestra pit.
That all sounds highly satisfactory, sir.
Did you know Mabel was in the show? Good heavens, Jeeves! - Was that the doorbell, Jeeves? - It cehainly gave that impression, sir.
I wish to see Mr Wooster, Jeeves.
I regret to say that Mr Wooster is asleep, Mrs Gregson.
Has disgraced himself at the theatre this evening.
That was Mrs Gregson, sir.