Kickin' It (2011) s02e03 Episode Script

Aluminum rims with independent suspension.
Four-wheel servo-drive disc brakes.
It's Red.
Hey, guy Snap.
Kim, wow! You look Different.
Hot date tonight? With a clown? Go ahead and laugh, but I just got us - Oh.
- Wilford beauty college is paying people to be their practice dummy.
My cousin chewie goes there.
You know for his final, he trimmed my grandmother's mustache.
He went through three pairs of scissors, but he got most of it.
Man, I can't wait till we get that go-cart.
- Oh, it's gonna be-- - I cannot either.
- I know, it's so awesome.
- Vroom vroom vroom! All right, time to kick in.
I made 40 bucks by visiting my great aunt betty.
Every time I g she thinks it's my birday and gives me money.
I went four times yesterday.
And I went twice.
Cindy connors gave me 10 bucks to stop asking her out in front of her boyfriend.
Someone put an I.
O.
U.
In here.
"Took five bucks to buy a foot-long at captain corndog's.
It's dope, yo.
Whoo!" Who would do something like that? Dude, come on, Jerry.
You're the only one who hasn't contributed to the go-cart fund.
I don't have the talent to make money.
I even tried selling doors door-to-door.
You know how hard it is to find a house without a door? You guys are never gonna guess how I just made $10.
Uh, practice dummy at the wilford beauty college? No, I sold my old golf shoes.
What's this about a beauty college? Don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me and we could have a ball,run up the wall ? that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you here we go,let's start the party chop it up like it's karate ? everybody don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me and we could have a ball,run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Hey, Rudy, can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah, absolutely.
What's going on, Eddie? Anything I say is between you and me, right? I'm your sensei.
Whatever you told me stays between us.
I got a pretzel food court the other day.
I'm not sure I paid for it.
Well, I can tell you right now that you didn't.
- I didn't? - No.
You obviously have a guilty conscience.
It's eating you up! Eddie, we've gotta fix this.
Sorry, guys, I gotta go.
Gotta save Eddie from a lifetime of crime and incarceration.
Dead man walking! Another 10 bucks towards the go-cart.
Has Jerry put any money in yet? I haven't seen Jerry in two days.
Guys, we were pretty rough on him.
He's probably embarrassed he can't kick in enough for the go-cart.
Oh hey, you guys.
You like my new ride? - You bought our go-cart? - Yeah.
I, uh, I decided to go solo.
Two days ago you couldn't go solo on a gumball.
That was before I got a job delivering meatballs for the meatball king.
Gotta take this.
Hello? Oh yeah yeah.
I told you three times.
I delivered the thing to the guy at the place.
Okay okay.
You know what, doll? Why don't you go get yourself fixed up.
- That's it.
- Wait-- - No no no! - Hey hey hey.
I really want to be mad at him, but he looks so cool.
Eddie, you're doing the right thing.
By telling the truth, you're learning the lesson that crime doesn't pay.
Okay.
Mr.
Nelson, I took a pretzel yesteay and I don't think I paid for it.
you sweet sweet brave boy.
Here's five dollars.
What? No no, what are you doing? I'm trying to teach him the lesson that crime doesn't pay and you are literally paying him! Well, I'm trying to teach him that if you're honest and tellhe truth, you should be rewarded.
Not after stealing.
The truth conquers all, little man.
Oh.
Oh okay, I guess if we're telling the truth here then I think maybe you would like to know that everyone in the mall thinks your pretzels are harder than your little wooden shoes.
How dare you! You heissenphasser! He just sucker-pretzeled me! It's okay, Rudy.
Let it go.
I still cannot believe that Jerry bought our go-cart.
This goes way beyond the go-cart.
Ever since he started working for the meatball king he's been a whole different person.
If he calls me doll one more time, I'm gonna pummel him! Okay, two falafel for-- Oh! Holy ganoush.
I know, Phil.
My hair looks hideous.
I can fix this.
I've seen worse.
Do you mind if my hands dance with your "Harr"? Phil, do you even know anything about "Harr"? Don't you worry, baby.
I know what I'm doing.
I'm frosting Tootsie's tips as we speak.
No, Tootsie, you're not ready yet! Five more minutes.
Back under the lamps.
Go.
Go go go go.
Phil, you've got a customer.
Uh, hello, mr.
Dirk.
What bring you around to the town? It's time to pay your bill.
Please, I need mortime.
You're outta time and I ain't playin' games.
Games? I love playing games.
Let's play hiding and the seeking.
I'm going to hide-- All right, that's it.
You probably shouldn't have done that.
Phil, who was that guy? He collect the money for the meatballs that I do t need but I am forced to buy.
- From who? - The meatball king.
- The meatball kink? - That's Jerry's boss! Oh great, Tootsie.
Now why would such a good little goat eat her tips? And her timer? So do you think you can help teach Eddie a lesson? You know, I'm not even 100% sure I actually-- Shut it, punk! Don't you worry, Rudy.
The next time you see this one, he'll be what we call scared straight! So, Jerry, tell the meatball king everything you know about Falafel Phil.
Okay, let's see.
Phil-- Really weird accent, I think he's from minnesota.
Uh, he loves Tootsie.
Oh,.
And on his left foot ,it's all big toes.
Whoa, go back.
Who's this "Tootsie"? Oh, his goat.
They're tight, yo.
Whoo.
You hear that, Dirk? Phil loves his goat.
Heh heh heh.
Hearing about phil gives me the courage to confess my dirty little secret.
My left foot Is a hand.
The twitching stoped.
I think the swelling is finally starting to go down.
How's it look? Yeah.
Maybe a couple more minutes.
- Is Jerry in here? - Yeah, he's in the locker room.
- Um, what are you wearing? - A custom-made gi.
My new boss got it for me.
Check it.
Whoo.
That is the tackiest gi I've ever seen.
I mean, where would one even go to buy such a thing? In a medium? Jerry, your new boss is forcing people to buy mtballs.
He's a criminal.
Huh.
Sure he is.
You know what? You guys are just jealous - 'cause I've got-- - the meatball king stole Tootsie! - What? - What? "Give me my money or the goat gets it.
The meatball king.
" That doesn't prove anything.
You know how many meatball kings there are in the world? He took Tootsie! - You know how many Tootsies there are-- - Jerry! I get it.
I'm working for a criminal! Ohhh, I gotta get one of those gis.
That's right,officer.
Tootsie is a doat.
Oh.
Okay then, thanks.
Take care.
Yeah, they're not going to help us.
I'll never see my Tootsie ever again.
It's okay, Phil, let's look at her photo album again.
Yeah? Okay.
Oh, this is my favorite.
It's from her baaa-mitzvah.
This is all my fault.
I just saw an opportunity to make some really good money, I didn't realize what I was doing.
Okay,I must figure out a way to pay this ransom.
And then what? You'll be back to overpaying for meatballs that you don't need.
Guys, we have to stop him.
But how? Yeah.
It's not like I can just stick my phone onto my chest, go into the meatball king's office, record his confession, then take the evidence to the police department.
You guys really think this'll work? Absolutely.
We'll record the whole confession here at the dojo.
Got it.
Oh ho ho! Cindy meyers.
Gotta take this.
Yo ho ho, what it do, girl? Step inside, my friend.
Take a look around.
It's a little cramped.
Oh, you think it's cramped now? Wait till you meet your cellmate.
What's up, fresh meat? I'm Norma.
Let me give you a little survival tip, huh? When we get down to the mess hall, if gert asks for your oyster crackers, take it from me-- give 'em up.
Um, Joan? Joan ain't here.
Well, when you see her, tell her she tossed the keys out with her uniform.
Oh, when I see her, I certainly-- Holy hanna! It's gonna be a few minutes.
The meatball king's on the phone with the big boss, The Schnoz.
Schnoz-- that's a funny name, man.
Hey, how come I've never seen the Schnoz? 'cause no one's ever seen him.
All we know is he's got a big nose that covers half his mustache.
And the only time he shows up is when it's your time to go.
Go where? You know--go.
Oh ho ho.
I'm sorry, I still don't know where anyone's going.
Okay, boss.
He'll see you now.
Okay, I'm going in.
What do you want to see me about, Jerry? I'm busy.
Uh, well, you know, I was-- I was just in the neighborhood and I was wondering what your thoughts are on crime and all the other stuff, particularly vis-a-vis, you know, goat stealing.
And before you answer, can you please state your full name? Jerry, I don't have a lot of time for this.
Is there a reason why you're here? Yeah, there is, king.
I know you goatnapped Tootsie and I was the one who told you about her.
I want a piece of the action! Oh no! We got disconnected.
What we should do? Call him back? - Yeah yeah.
- Call him back, call him back.
She's so smart! So there ya have it-- every detail of my life of crime.
- Something wrong, Jerry? - Huh? Oh no no, everything's fine.
Where's that coming from? My-- my-- my soul.
Is it just me or is it getting a little hot in here,right? - Whoo! - You okay, Jerry? Huh? Oh no yeah.
Sometimes a man's just gotta Dance! Oh whoo.
I think I need to go to a C-c-club! So I can get-- you know, get my groove On! You know what? Great talk.
I gotta go, man.
Whoo! Good kid, but he's got a lot of issues.
Check your pockets and see if there's anything I can eat.
I don't have anything but this receipt-- from the pretzel kiosk! Okay, I'll take it.
I'll take it.
You know what this means? I'm an innocent man! Oh yeah yeah, we're all innocent.
We gotta bust out of here, Eddie.
You know what? I'm gonna do something I saw in a cartoon once.
I'm going to pick that lock with my tongue.
Joan, the air vent! Oh-- oh, the air vent.
Yeah well, that might work.
I don't know.
I'll take a look-see here.
Freedom-mmm! What I don't understand is why you're covered in suds.
Well, just before I almost burst into flames, I ran through the car wash, where I realized two things: One, you know that blow-dryer at the end? It can literally blow your freckles off.
And two, the meatball king was talking to his boss on the phone today And he was scared to death wf him.
How does that help us? He's never seen the guy! They call him the Schnoz.
Why do they call him that? Because he's got one gnarly-looking hoer.
What? Glad to see you came to your senses.
You got my money? You got my goat? Can't you can see she's right there? Jerry? Shouldn't you be making a delivery? I'm done with deliveries.
When I took a job with you, I didn't know what kind of person you were.
But I do now.
What are you doing here with goat boy? Goat boy's a friend of mine.
In fact, he's got lots of friends.
Some you might even know.
Oh yeah? Like who? The Schnoz.
I would have been here earlier, but I got lost in all this fog.
I swear on my mama's meatballs.
If I knew phil was a friend of yours, I would have never disrespected him.
Dirk, give 'em the goat.
Tootsie, welcome back to the family.
Let's go, Tootsie.
You don't know how lucky you are That not a hair on Tootsie's-- The goat ate my fake mustache, didn't it? Rudy! Meatball bazooka.
Rudy! You wouldn't-- okay.
Freedom-mmm! This is where we go our separate ways.
Good luck, kid.
Bye, Norma! I can't believe you did this to me, Jerry! I treated you like a son.
You were like family.
You're not my family.
These people are my family.
All I know is your family's crazy! Let's get out of here, guys.
Oh, Rudy, I found my receipt.
I did pay for that pretzel.
Oh, really? Let's see it.
I don't have it.
Joan ate it.
Here we go.
First you steal and now you're lying.
I've got a guy that deals with liars.
What are you talking about? I mean-- I just want to say how sorry I am.
I let the whole job thing get to my head and money should never be more important than friendship.
You're right.
But in the end, you were the one who came up with the plan to get Tootsie back and it all worked out.
And on top of that you got yourself a go-cart.
No, we got a go-cart.
- No way, dude! - Yes.
Whoo-hoo! Two hours to mexico, losers! Oh oh, hello, officer.
You're probably wondering why I was speeding, wearing a prison jumpsuit and driving a tiny stolen car.
Ahem.
I should tell you that I left my drivers' license on the floor just outside the jail cell I broke out of.
whoa whoa, easy there, big fella.
Hey-- is that your motorcycle back there? I think you have a flat tire.
Should have gassed up.