Living In Your Car (2010) s02e03 Episode Script

Do your time to pay the price for every thing you've done wrong, baby.
In your life, you get so high there's nowhere left to go but down.
Don't believe that no one cares, 'cause we're here waiting for you, baby.
Do your time then come home for then come home for good.
He's so good looking.
It was one thing when she was replacing me with a string of pathetic losers, but this guy! You want me to wait up for you? No, that's okay, I Uh by the time I come up, I'll probably be pretty drained.
You don't think any of the people who lost their jobs might've ended up I was just being used as an example, okay? Learning to be concerned with human well being improves our lives! How about that! These muffins are good.
You really like them? 'Cause that's my career now.
- Baking muffins? - Baking anything.
It's a legitimate investment opportunity for risk taking individuals, which is how Gordon and Liev like to look at themselves.
You stole his girlfriend? He stole her from me first! Oh, tell the truth Victor, was she actually with you? Where were you last night? I was at home, why? The carving knife was from some shipment of stolen kitchen supplies! Look at that, look at it! They're all going inside! They're all going in there! All of them! Our show's in there and we're out here, man! And we're out here! Doctor says I shouldn't eat eggs and bacon every day.
Then tell the doctor to come over here and make you something else! I could die if I don't watch what I eat! You could die if you don't stop annoying me! What the hell is bothering you lately, anyway? Where would you like me to start? Actually, I'd like to withdraw that question.
Yeah? Mm-hmm? And you think that it's my fault, Steve? Well, who gave me the stolen knives to sell? Are you on a speaker phone there? Why would I be doing that? So that the cops can listen in.
In which case I wanna make it clear that I don't know what the hell you're talking about! Phil, just listen, okay? I need you to get me out! I gotta go, Steve.
Hope things work out for you.
Is he in jail again? You got it.
- Thanks.
- No problem.
You know I always start out with the best of intentions, and then things that are mostly beyond my control just make it all go haywire! Nobody ever believes that, though! Is that because it's not really true? What he's saying is are you sure you didn't know those knives you selling were stolen? No, I didn't know for sure.
So at the very least you could've been more diligent.
You know the problem with diligence is that it often gets in the way of possibility.
What about the possibility of winding up in jail with a couple losers? Mm-hmm.
Speak for yourself! Hey, Victor here is no loser! In fact he and I are working on a project that could return millions, huh? Oh, yeah? What's he talking about? The Gergenhoffer waste reversal power delivery system.
The name still doesn't feel right to me, by the way.
Yeah, because it's not! It's Hoffergergen waste reversal power delivery system! I thought we agreed my name would come first! Well, it was partially Graham's idea.
Yeah, if by partially, you mean almost entirely.
What, when were you going to tell me that you were cooking something up with him? Every we get a potential investor, you get overenthusiastic, and blow it! I didn't wanna scare Steve off! Are you a potential investor? No, no, I'm a man who could have access to potential investors.
So you both came up with the idea of converting rotting produce into energy, huh? Yeah, it was our initial plan to get Ellen back.
Before you decided to fake Graham's death.
Well, we knew we needed something big to get her attention! Even though she's really passionate about recycling Yeah, we needed something dramatic! My friend the judge! Hey! Hi.
Probation's gonna be extended another six months.
That seems a bit harsh! Does it? Possession of stolen property seems fair to me.
Of course, you could get a reduction if you told the police where you got those knives.
I can't really do that, you know? The person, it's - Family member? - Huh? Just joking.
Look, I'm not going to be able to keep digging you out of these holes.
Listen, what about my friends back there? - They're on their own! - What? Faking murder To draw a woman they're both obsessed with back into their lives? The criminal justice system is crowded enough! Which is why you should help them out.
They're just nice guys who are a little romantically challenged.
They're not my responsibility.
- I am? - I have a task for you.
Get in! He appeared in front of me for theft under.
Theft under what? They were caught in a public library going through bags and coats that people had left around, looking for anything else worth stealing.
Wow, I can think of better places than a public library to do that kind of thing, there's too much security.
It's funny that should be the first thought that pops into your head, rather than why should anyone be so desperate that they they're reduced to dressing like items on the fast food menu? They used to be pretty comfortably off.
He worked in a software company, she ran her own flower shop.
Really? They had to sell their house, and move into a bachelor apartment they can barely afford.
- That's sad.
- Hm-hm.
But why are we kinda you know, parked here looking at them? They had nearly all of their savings invested in your company.
Oh.
So it's my fault.
The short answer to that is yes.
Okay listen, to be fair, why would they have all their money invested in just one place? Why don't you ask them that, when you apologize to them? Apologize? Oh.
You mean, give them an opportunity to scream at me for ruining their lives! If that makes them feel better.
Judge! Go.
Excuse me! Excuse me! Hi there.
Honey.
Honey, it's him.
I swore if I ever saw you again, I'd kick your face in! Or maybe even kill you! It took me months to seriously stop considering suicide! So, you experienced quite a wide range of emotions, then.
Please, you know what? It'll only take a minute! Not a chance, asshole! Look, I just wanna apologize.
Try to explain what happened.
What happened is that you would you please take that stupid thing off? We're on a break! Fifteen minutes, why bother? Because every fifteen minutes, we didn't have to look at each other and feel like two of the biggest idiots on earth! Sweetheart, try to relax, please! Stop doing that, we're on a break! The faster we get rid of these This is your fault, do you hear me? Your fault! Definitely.
I definitely hear you! Shut up! You've just got to shut up! Clare, maybe we should hear him out.
I mean, he might have a-- Hearing this man out is what got us into trouble in the first place.
Look, I'm sure whatever you have to say will be very convincing.
And because we're such idiots, you'll probably be able to talk us into forgiving you, and giving you what little money we now have! Which is basically nothing.
No, no, here! I've got some change.
Here look, take it! And just leave us the hell alone! Look is there something I did to you personally? I mean other than ruining your lives by ruining my company? I-I'm used to people being angry at me for that, but this feels like something else! I told you he wouldn't remember us! Remember you? Do we know each other? We came to the Uncor shareholders' meeting right after it went public.
We asked you a question.
I'm sorry, I I used to get lots of questions at those meetings And you normally convinced the people asking them to give you all their money? I did that! Well, in fairness he didn't actually ask us for anything, and it's not like we didn't know to keep a diversified portfolio-- No, what was it that like, I said to you? You inspired us.
Your energy, your vision, your confidence, you made us believe in you! That seems to please you! No, well, would you mind telling me how I did that? Make you believe in me? Why? Because if I can bring those skills back to life you'll be able to bilk hundreds of other people out of their savings? I'll just- I'll be able to position myself as a much needed new employer, and economic generator.
This time I plan on minimizing collateral damage.
Collateral damage.
That's us.
No, I look, you know what, in the meantime, maybe there's some way I can help you out.
She's really all hopped up! Okay math, history, English, what is all of this? I made the prototype for my daughter several years ago.
We'll have to tweak it to adjust to whatever they're teaching now.
It's a study guide? Interactive learning software, meant to supplement the public school curriculum.
It was very effective for Grace when she was your age.
She's putting herself through med school now.
Max here is a computer engineer who's been having a rough time of it lately.
When you're my age and unemployed, no one wants to look at you.
And we've got nothing to fall back on.
That's my fault.
Almost entirely his fault.
Anyway, since you have access to the kind of demographic Max here hopes to target, I just kind of figured you know, you should get together.
I have to take this.
Ah.
You're a bit young for a venture capitalist.
Yep, I am.
Did they make bail? Yeah, listen: Is this invention really where you wanna put our money? It's not our money.
It's Gordon and Liev's money.
And that means we can take some risks with it, okay? Yeah, I guess.
But first I have to get the wives to hand it over.
And I don't think they're gonna be knocked out by what we're asking them to invest in! This thing's a long way from being a viable That's what R&D is for, to get it polished for market! Anyway, if they don't like this idea, there's another product I'm working on.
Good, because you might need it anyway.
These guys will only release the distribution rights if we help them track down some woman named Ellen.
Who the hell's Ellen? She's the woman they both love.
They want another chance to compete for her affection.
What?! Oscar, there's always a trade off when you deal with visionary minds.
Well, do visionary minds usually arrange to be wearing exactly the same things, so that neither one of them has a clothing advantage? Look, when are you going to check back in with Gordon and Liev's wives? As soon as I can get up the courage.
Oh come on Oscar, just arrange Steve, I can't provide any more sexual favours for them! I'm starting to feel cheap.
Look, having their useless asshole husbands in prison has obviously ignited their dormant libidos, so you have to be firm.
Firm.
Is that supposed to be funny? I didn't mean-just Just look them in the eye and tell them very clearly, it has to be business first.
Not business first Steve, just business.
Just business and nothing else! Okay? Okay, sure.
Now in the meantime, get to work on finding Ellen for our partners there.
Okay Dad, what's going on? Like you told them that I'm a venture capitalist? Basically, yeah.
Because even though you're still a teenager, your adventurous spirit just kinda But where exactly am I supposed to get this capital to venture? It's not that much.
They just need to cover start up costs.
I mean, didn't you do pretty well on Grandpa Phil's knife thing? And seeing that money came from sources that weren't well, legitimate, it thought this might be a better opportunity! To launder my criminal proceeds? No, I was gonna say learn valuable real world business skills.
So what's in it for you? Well By taking responsibility for their misfortune, and freeing them to move on with their lives so you'll be in for a percentage of the gross profits? But a very reasonable percentage.
What the fuck?! Well, I'm off to work.
Do you mind if I stick around for a bit? Not at all.
How come? Oh, just to take a shower.
Sure.
I've got some files on this I need at the office.
Mmm.
Your idea of an apology is to bring me to a brothel? This isn't a brothel, this is a business opportunity.
That's why I asked you to bring the baked goods.
That's good, that's good! Turn that pistol, yes.
Fire your photons into her.
Okay, you're an alien sex monster now, Svetlana.
You're really possessed, and uh He's fired his uh, penis gun into you.
Now we're talking about alien and human sex.
This is what I wanted.
This is what I was dreaming about.
That's it, you're feeling it! It's a-it's communing with another species! I want to fill the alien! That's good.
Fill the alien with your humanity, Tony.
Yeah, these are good.
What do you know about craft service? What's craft service? Good idea, bring in an ignorant outsider, so we can look at on set food in a whole new light.
- Yeah well, I suspect - The gerbil's okay, and paint the bird's tail blue.
Steve, I really don't have a clue what your friend is talking about.
And you probably never will.
Just don't let it bother you, okay? Okay we'll give it a week, see how it goes.
- Really? - Yeah, what the hell.
Just remember: Whatever you make, make lots of it, because these people, they eat like pigs.
Pigs don't actually eat all that much, they make a lot of noise doing it.
The comparison still holds.
Now you go see my production manager about your deal.
He's the guy in the spandex superhero outfit.
They're naked over there, Steve Just take your time, whatever.
Have you tasted any of this food? I can't deal with a rebellion on my hands.
He'll do fine.
So uh, your production manager, he's also an actor? He's an extra, it's all hands on dick today, Steve.
We're really in the middle of something ambitious! I know, because I can tell it's a lot more involved.
3D porn! It's all digital, fully interactive.
This is the future baby, it's gonna change the way people live and fuck! Oh, well Great, and action! Tah-dah! And that's it? Cut! I hear you met Kendra.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you kinda never told me you had a sister.
Well, she was estranged from the family for a while, mom never approved of her lifestyle choices.
Because she's gay? No, that wasn't a problem.
She was just worried Kendra was invested too heavily in alternative medicines.
Mom's a doctor.
Really? - That surprises you? - Well, a bit.
- Whatever.
- Yeah.
Excuse me.
All right, so action means acting.
Yeah, I mean that was great, but we really need some fucking action! Yeah, hello? Nice try, you conniving piece of shit! You thought that using your former mailroom flunkie to get one past us was actually gonna work? Liev, Gordo, what are you guys talking about? Oh, give it up, shithead! You former assistant sold you out! Hi Steve! Oscar told me all about your little scheme to get all their money.
Did you think that she was just gonna forget that you got her fired from her last job? Yeah, it's getting even time, Steve.
You think you can get your hands on our money by turning our wives against us? Like we'd ever trust those gold digging bimbos! What they can get their hands on is nothing! We've got a whole lot more stacked away! A whole lot more! You're a clown, do you hear me? You're a ridiculous fucking clown! So just get on with your stupid clown life, and forget about getting even, it'll never happen! You still there, Steve? You want me to take my clothes off? No, no, my clothes stay on.
That's so-- that is so Hey, Alex.
So, how's it going? I don't think it's going to work out, Steve.
These people scare me a little.
Just a sec, hold on.
Kevin.
Who is this guy, do you know him? Yes, I know him.
So what's he doing here? Do you see the blonde? She's one of the biggest adult film stars in the world, and he's like her number one fan or whatever, and he won some contest on a website, and now he gets to watch her film her new movie.
Me, I like a closed set.
But it was in her contract, what are you gonna do? And, action! What do you want, Steve? I wanna apologize uh, for everything.
The disaster that our lives became, like, it was all my fault.
Uh well, you're just realizing this now? No, I'm apologizing for that just now.
So I wanna try to do something to help you move on with your life, you know? In a more positive direction.
- Really? - Yeah.
Well, I have some information you might find useful about your current boyfriend.
Give it to me! Is he taller, do I need my-my lifts to be adjusted? No! There's no discernable height advantage! Honest, now can we go in? The-the guy who lives here, knows where Ellen lives? No, I never said that.
I left my number on that flier I distributed, and he call a and said he wanted to help.
Well, what else could it mean? Maybe we should just wait and find out, huh? Has it ever occurred to you that maybe this Ellen woman doesn't actually wanna be with either one of you? Hey, I'm Oscar.
Maybe we should just let Oscar keep working on the wives.
I'm starting to think they might be too much for him to handle.
And if they only have access to a tiny portion of Gordon and Liev's loot It just seemed too easy getting them to believe that I was betraying you! People are always amazed by how stupid they actually are.
Phon, it worked.
Trust me.
So listen, did they open up at all? About where the money is? You see, that's the thing.
Apparently in order to keep it hidden, they had to make some dangerous investments.
Like what? - Blood diamonds.
- Really? Jesus, they actually told you that? Well no, but they had some guy drop these off for me.
Could've been a Liberian warlord.
Oh my God, really? I don't know, I'm just guessing.
Anyway, they said if I can get at least 20K for these, they'll trust me with more.
Okay, okay, well, then uh Steve, I don't know anything about unloading diamonds! No, that's okay, that's okay.
I know somebody who might be able to help us out with that.
Okay, but isn't this feeling a little dangerous? After I finish here, you know, I'll just have my source take a look at these.
Well, not these.
Just one.
Wow.
Okay.
Where you going? I have to apologize to that guy.
Why? Well, I've recently started doing it, and it's quite addictive.
Apologizing to the people I've wronged.
And you've wronged him how? He used to park my car.
We exchanged the usual pleasantries, and then one day, I gave him a stock tip.
Hah! You told him to invest in Uncor.
Yeah, it was just after the rumours started, and our stock dipped.
And I was still optimistic that if he bought low and sold high, and anyway, he lost most of his savings, and until I can make it back for him, this'll have to do.
Hmm.
I'm Dwayne, and this is my 621st day without Ellen.
Uh, today we have some new members, who are grieving over the absence of Ellen.
Would any of you care to share your feelings of loss with us? Is she dead? What? Uh No! Then why are you all--? We meet from time to time to discuss our pain.
We all loved her very deeply.
When she left us When? Excuse me? i-Specifically, when did you all love her very deeply? - Because last year she was-- - With us.
Well I suppose we could all provide you with dates, but what's it matter? The important thing is that we're here for each other as we try to make sense of life without her.
Excuse me.
Steve! Where are you? Am I taking advantage of you? What? I'm just wondering if I'm just recklessly leading you down into some dark hole.
I think I might already be in that hole.
Maybe we should step back, you know? Take some time to re-examine our strategy.
What, about the waste disposal system? Yeah, that and your relationship with the wives.
Please don't refer to it as a relationship.
I'm just trying to get their husbands' money.
Yeah, but at what cost? And how much money are we actually talking about? - Five million.
- What? They say they have access to five million.
Those lying bastards! Steve? What's wrong with us? We're like old cats, licking our wounds, you know? Just wasting our lives waiting for some woman? All right fine, Ellen's not just some woman, she's pretty damn great.
Yeah, and obviously she's left a giant hole in all our lives.
But this? We can't live our lives like this! What are you suggesting we do? Do you know where she's working these days? Yeah, of course! Guys.
I think you're overreacting.
It's a healthy expression of my sexuality.
I saw your credit card statements, you're spending $5,000 a month on her webcam! But when she talks to me, I feel better about life! And that makes her what, your therapist? Well, that's one way to look at it! And how am I supposed to look at these? You buy her used underwear, how sick is that? I love her! Okay, she I can't help it! Please Lori, II need help.
Uh well, you're not getting it from me.
Oh, please! No! You know what? I am finished wasting my time on men.
On men in general.
You know what? From here on out, I'm going it alone! What is wrong with everyone here? Food poisoning.
Well, you look fine.
I never eat the same food as the crew.
You know, on principle.
Alex, what are you doing here? I don't know what could've done this.
All the ingredients were fresh! Well, except maybe for the eggs, because I couldn't quite make out the expiry date.
You-you look nice, Lori.
Nice to see you.
You see those scratches? Diamonds don't scratch like that.
I-I can't really see anything.
Here hold this up to your eye, idiot.
Look.
Notice how you can see through it? Is that good? Oh my God, you really don't know much about anything, do you? Real diamonds refract light.
And it's not refracting the light? No, it's not! And you're positive because? Jesus, does he not know how well respected I was in this field? Listen, before her back went, she was among the best.
What, she hurt her back cutting diamonds? Ai-yai-yai.
Look, diamonds conduct heat.
They don't fog up like that.
These aren't even good fakes.
Let me see.
Like I don't see any fog! What kind of scam are you trying to run here, Steve? I mean if you wanna pass off cubics for diamonds, I know a guy-- in fact, several guys-- This isn't about running a scam, Phil! Well, at least, not about diamonds.
Then I guess the question is, what kind of scam just got run on you? This is not what I pictured when I came up with the software.
If we don't think bigger, then our company's not going to get bigger! And if the teaching staff is too lazy to create different exams every year, then why should that stand in the way of us making money? Everything okay in here? She's her father's daughter, isn't she? What's going on, Kate? I just wanted to create a product with as wide a market as possible.
Or, to put it another way, she's taken our perfectly harmless study guide, and turned it into a license for kids to cheat their way through high school! Except it's not cheating! She found copies of a bunch of old exams, wants me to use them in the program.
I just thought that maybe we'd sell more that way.
Exams.
I thought the guide was meant to be a learning supplement.
Dad, what better way to supplement your learning than by studying the actual exam questions? Anyways, all the questions are with long form answers, you know like, "Discuss the contributing causes of World War I.
" You can dress it up any way you like, it's still cheating! It's not like I'm handing out answers to multiple choice tests! You still have to know your stuff to pass! How did you get the exams? Anyone who knows where to look can find them.
On file in the library? No, they're just out there.
I just wanna make access to them a little bit more Democratic? Well, when she puts it that way.
You're buying this?! Unbelievable! My plan was to get faculty approval! Which she was going to do by bribing her principal! I wasn't bribing, I was just gonna offer a percentage of the gross.
Good idea! Good idea? I should've known we'd wind up doing something like this! You talk us into getting involved with you again, and the next thing you know, we're helping your daughter cheat her way to a fortune! Well, not this time! We do it clean, or not at all! Wow.
What's this? Shhh.
I think she might be about to make her selection.
- Who? - Ellen! That's Ellen? The rule is none of them can speak.
That way nobody has the upper hand.
At first everybody was going to get two minutes, but they couldn't agree oon the framework for that, so.
How long has this been going on? About half an hour.
Wow! Uh-oh! What are you doing? It's over, it's over.
That's right! What happened? She didn't choose! Are you sure this is the best idea? The best idea we've had in months! Oh, it's time to move on! There are plans right, huh? Schematics? Nope! I mean, you can build this from memory or something? Uh no, it dies here, today.
And all that it signifies.
Oh, don't be too upset Steve.
It never worked anyway.
Yeah, we just faked most of the results.
Oh it's probably good Ellen never knew that, she'd be so disillusioned! Wait a minute! No! Outside! Outside! Outside! I guess this means we're starting from scratch! I mean, looking for something to invest in.
- That might not be an issue.
- Why? There might be a question about the money we thought we had access to.
Which means we don't actually have access to it? Let's go find out.
You're saying Gordon and Liev gave you access to their money? - Yep.
- All of it? Not all of it, but enough for me to start my own business with them as silent partners.
Wow, so you were able to move those fake diamonds! Who told you they were fake? Excuse me.
I want that diamond back.
Why, it's not worth anything! That's a lie, and I want it back! Sorry, it's partial payment for all that money you made us lose.
I apologized to you about that! Yeah, like that means anything.
I want it back! Tough! Clown.
Okay.
So You know, they invested in your business, now all we have to do is uh Come up with something else you can get them to invest in.
Sorry Steve, you're out! What? I wanna launder the rest of it myself.
Okay, first of all, the term launder suggests that it's dirty.
You see the law doesn't even know of its existence yet, so, let's just talk about some of the things that I can suggest that you invest in.
Legitimate ideas, huh? Oh, like uh, high school study guides? Or no, no! Motors powered by tomatoes.
Yeah well, those were kind of just uh, initial-- Look Steve, I'm looking for some hard, fast cash, 40 cents on the dollar, and then I want out! Phon, that would make you a criminal! Yeah well, uh you know, after what happened at Uncor, and then at my last job, all because of you, my resume is completely tarnished! You ruined any chance I've ever had at working my way up the corporate ladder legitimately! So you know what, Steve? Goodbye! And-and-and good luck with all your sad, pitiful little investment schemes! - Phon?! - Argh! Oh my God, she's right! She's become a criminal, and it's all my fault! I'm sorry, Phon! I'm very sorry! It does feel good to apologize.
Even to someone who doesn't appreciate it.
So, what now? I don't know, Oscar.
We should never have considered playing with that much money, anyway.
Large pools of cash like that just have a way of corrupting your better judgement.
Is our co-venture over? I mean, are we still gonna be working together? Well, in all honesty, do you really think the wives are gonna come through with that investment money? Or are they just gonna use you as a plaything? The last one.
Okay, so.
Wait a minute.
I might have something for you that requires more energy than it does capital.
What do you know about computer software? Quite a lot really, why? I have this project in the works that I passed on to my daughter, but she turned out to be not right for the job.
Cool.
And um, if that doesn't work out, I just want to apologize in advance.
Sort of just in case, you know? You told them to give the rights to your mother! Dad, you heard them! They had a different vision for the company than I did! And when I told mom about the idea, she was very enthusiastic.
And I had the exact amount of seed money they needed to get started.
Your mean from your share of my house proceeds, right? Get over it, Steve.
Well, maybe we could partner up.
I mean, I did discover this opportunity.
So, huh? What do you think? Sorry, no partnering with men.
No trusting men whatsoever.
Those days are over.
I I wonder what this whole "No men" thing is all about? Well, I think things didn't uh, work out so well with her latest boyfriend.
And don't talk about me when I'm not here! There! Don't talk about me no matter where I am.