Lost Girl (2010) s02e03 Episode Script

AHHHHH! Ahhhhh! Kenzi?! Kenzi? What is it, huh? Are you okay? What's wrong? Cruddy broom totally bit me! Really? The big talker who survived basilisk poisoning gets TKO'd by a broom? Oh, like you've never been suckered by a big shaft of wood.
Hey! I'm sorry, but you're freaking me out! We should be out there dusting bad guys, not actually dusting! I am just trying to scrub away-- The wolf who shall not be named.
Aw, honey-- Honey, you're binge cleaning.
Spring cleaning of the heart starts with spring cleaning of the hearth.
Okay, that should be in a Hurl-mark card.
But-- If it's cleaning you need-- You can be Cinderella and I'll be your little birdie.
Your sacrifice is noted.
Good morning, Mrs.
Farlinger Paper didn't arrive today? Yup, a little brisk out here.
You might wanna throw on that extra layer.
Everything all right there, sweetheart? To sleep, perchance to dream Mrs.
F? Mrs.
F! Mrs.
F! Mrs.
F? Life is hard when you don't know who you are.
It's harder when you know what you are.
My love carries a death sentence.
I was lost for years.
Searching while hiding.
Only to find that I belonged to a world hidden from humans.
I won't hide anymore.
I will live the life I choose.
And how is life on the road with a marching band? This the platform to Hogwarts? Oh-- You're joking.
My talents are completely wasted on the Fae crowd.
Don't mind Tina not-Fae here-- I'm Bo.
Thanks for coming, Bo.
Tina-- What can we do for you, Frank? I work at The Crawford.
Nice building.
Good people.
Being a doorman-- That's my human cover, right? You're Light Fae? Yeah, basically, it's my territory.
I'm supposed to care for the folks.
Who live there.
I love those humans.
It kills me to see them allmessed up! How messed up we talking here? They've gone insane.
All of them.
Mush for brains.
I think it's-- Dark Fae.
Dark Fae feeding in my territory.
Hurting my humans.
So, take it to The Ash.
I tried! He said my turf, my problem.
You ask me? This new Ash-- The new guy? Doesn't give a flying Watusi about humans.
But you-- They say you have a real soft spot for them.
You're right, I don't like the idea of Dark Fae messing with humans anymore than you do.
So, I promise-- we'll do what we can.
You have no idea how much that means to me-- Give me ten and I'll meet you there? Bo-- Tina-- You know, if we ever made any actual money we could hire a cleaning lady.
Get our place all waxed and sparkly.
Helping this Frank guy -- that'll make me feel better than cleaning ever could.
Calling Dyson will make you feel like ass, O Mistress of Masochism.
Relax! Medical mystery? Sounds like it's right up Lauren's alley.
Hey! The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, I get it-- Hey, where you going? Look, I know you and the good doctor have some stuff to figure out.
Minus this gorgeous but unnecessary third wheel.
See ya! Hey! Hey, Lauren-- You in the mood for a house call? Look -- Bo deserves una casa that has that fresh from the dentist feeling.
But I'm not genetically programmed for housework.
And she doesn't earn enough moolah to get me the squadron of maids I deserve! If you want spending money, I'll hire you on for some shifts.
Work for a living? Do I look like a chump? Do I? If I say yes, do I still get that beer? SIGH Hi, there! Couldn't help but overhear.
I'm Mumphert.
I got a shot for that in kindergarten.
Keep walking, pal.
I'm a Brownie.
I clean houses.
Before youdevour the inhabitants? I try to stay out of the way.
Mostly I work at night.
So quiet.
You won't even know I'm there.
And I do it for free.
Mumphey! Have a seat! Brownies: perfectly harmless or lock-up- your-honeys? They eat honey, not honeys.
In fact, they like it in their porridge.
What else do they like in their porridge, huh? Nuggets of girl-brain? No.
A drizzle of virgin blood? No.
Eyeball dumplings? All they eat is cereal and honey.
Okay, so what you're saying is, he's Trick-certified safe to take home? Absolutely.
Just don't take him for granted.
Sweet-tacular.
You're hired, kid! Do you come with your own mop? Ours got kinda brutalized in a cheese fondue incident, not pretty.
I've lost track -- is this vent number 49 or 50? Stay sharp.
And keep looking for more critters.
I can't believe you made me catch a cockroach.
I can't believe you screamed.
Can't sleep Can't ever sleep Do you want to? Shall I give you a sedative? No? All righty, then-- Any thoughts? No obvious signs on any of the victims-- I can't tell if it's the work of some Fae, a new virus, exotic mould-- I won't know anything 'til I run tests back at the lab.
A lot of tests.
Well, thank you.
For helping.
Always.
So-- You haven't mentioned yet.
Do we open the champagne or not? Over what? New Ash in, old Ash out.
He doesn't have a hold on you anymore.
So, um-- Aren't you, uh-- You know, free? Like all things Fae it's-- It's complicated.
Right-- I promise you, I will tell you everything-- GASP! Just as soon as we're not wading through a swamp of psychosis.
I'll go find another vent to play Die Hard in.
Hi, Bo-Bo! Have fun playing doctor? Six hours swabbing vents, five vermin samples captured-- Ew-- Two busted eardrums-- And we still don't have one clue in a Fae tree what caused this "mad human" disease.
Science is exhausting.
Yeah, but how'd it go bow-chika-wow-wow? Kenzi, please, it's strictly professional.
And might I add how yummy Lauren is when she's being professional? Mug of hot cocoa to take the edge off? Go ahead.
And let's just slide those footsy-wootsies right into Cozyville! Guess what I brought home! Um, confusion and chocolate-dispensing terror? Bo, this is Mumphert.
He is our new Brownie! You won't even notice I'm here.
Um, Kenzi? He is our new live-in help! Trick said he's perfectly safe! I swear on my free bar tab! You wanted a Feng-Shui do-over and you got it, sister! And he's doing it all for free! GASP! Surprise.
Pipes were broken at my place.
I didn't think you'd mind.
You just gonna stand there? Or you gonna come join me? Turn around.
Ow! Why are your nails so sharp? All the better to-- RIP YOUR HEART OUT! Ahhhhhh! GASP! BO! Ahhhhh! Skinny-bitch-cooties! Bo? Whatever it was that drove those humans crazy-- I think I just found it.
We should've gotten a Brownie ages ago.
He ironed everything.
Including my tankini! How are his barista skills? Yum yum yum! Mmm.
Oh wow.
And might I add, thank god.
Teensy thing-- Um, he kinda ate all the Honey Berry Crunch.
Is that weird? What? Not much with the sleeping, huh? Would you be able to sleep with some crazy lady waiting to jump on your chest? What about me? I had to walk in and see it.
She was like five seconds from going reverse cowgirl on you.
Anyway, Mumphert says he didn't see any more signs of her all night, so-- Yeah, well-- every time I dozed off I got slammed by nightmares.
It's like she's-- Like she's got her hooks in me.
Well, maybe how you suck people's faces, she sucks people's brains.
Super! You stay on top of the Honey Berry Crunch situation.
I have to go figure out what I brought back from Frank's building and why she's inside my dreams.
Sounds like a Mare.
Well, this filly had only two legs and tried to ride me.
Different kind of Mare.
As in nightmare.
Ah.
Usually Dark Fae.
Mares give humans bad dreams and feed on the resulting fear.
But I'm not human.
True.
And mares usually aren't so toxic.
She rendered an entire building insane? Yeah.
Apparently.
You should stay awake until we know what we're dealing with.
Mares only feed on those who slumber.
Well, what about the humans? Can the damage be reversed? I.
E.
, can I look through my books? Yes, I can look through my books.
Thank you, Trick.
GASP! Another nightmare? Yeah, it was hunger, real bad-- I, uh-- Ugh-- I scarfed a cheeseburger-- It chewed out through my stomach, then ate my head.
Yum.
Your brain's lighting up when you're asleep.
The overload is probably what drove the humans insane.
See, this area is strobing even when you're awake.
I think the Mare established a psychic connection with you, the first time she was on top of you.
Is that why I'm in her head too? You shouldn't be.
Usually it's a one-way street.
No, that intense hunger I just felt, That wasn't mine.
That felt like hers.
That's amazing.
It could be you're even more powerful and unique, than anyone's ever given you credit for.
Well shucks, doctor-- Oh, wow, not that powerful.
Let me find something to keep you awake.
Kiss my couture-- am I dreaming? We don't only do chores, you know.
Brownies are also excellent personal shoppers.
How did you even find this? They only did a limited run! I have a gift for retail.
And, by the way, brownies never pay.
Are you crying? I'm sorry-- I'm sorry, You're the most wonderful man I've ever met.
Oh! Just one more thing-- Um, I hesitate to mention it-- We're out of Honey Berry Crunch.
Uh-yeah-- you ate it all? Well, next time you're out.
Just pick up a few more boxes.
You lug home a truckload of luxury loot, but you can't bother to snag one box of cereal? Just remember to pick some up.
Somewhere in here, I have pills from the glands of a giant Venezuelan wart-- Maybe it's better you don't know exactly what you're swallowing.
Yeah.
So-- Outside of Yours Truly, I notice a distinct lack of crazy people screaming.
Uh-huh-- You promised me a bed-time story about you and the Light Fae.
Feels like bedtime to me.
I wanna tell you, Bo-- I do-- I've wanted to ever since-- Ever since-- This is a private party.
It's Bo, right? Is that short for something? You might remember me as the guy that's just been crowned head of the Light Fae-- I remember a preening jackass prancing around the woods with bow and arrow.
I've been asking around about you.
Got kind of a casual approach to Faedom, haven't you? Kind of like your approach to locked doors? Actually-- I'm a bit of a stickler for protocol.
Get up.
As The new Ash, all The old Ash's chattel is passed to me.
That means everything from the lab.
Including you.
Take her down, then come back for the rest and help him.
Whatever hand you don't want to lose, remove from the doctor-- Now, now, now, Bo, don't be so petulant.
You want access to my property, make a formal request.
Lauren is no one's property.
Bo-- Don't-- You'll just make it worse.
No, I'm going to make it right.
Look at me.
Please.
I need you to stay out of this.
Bo? Stay awake.
Good times.
Ugh! I'm awake! And I'm Kobe Bryant.
Drink coffee! Nooo-- That's all I've been drinking, I just-- Now I have gut-rot and I have to pee like a racehorse.
I really coulda used those pills from Lauren.
Actually, what you need is a Baku.
Awesome! What's a Baku? It's a shy Fae.
Eats bad dreams.
And where does baby get Baku? Did I mention it's shy? Nervous stomach? No-- A live Baku eats nightmares.
But the pelt of a dead one wards off disease.
Poor things have been hunted almost to extinction.
So where do we find one? Lauren might have a Baku or two in her old medical records.
Lachlan came for her.
He called her chattel.
I swear, if he touches her-- Bo-- I have ears in many places.
Uh, when you're Fae, you should probably use a different expression.
Word in The Ash's compound is Lauren is being treated with respect.
Except for the whole "owning" thing.
Lachlan is an unknown quantity.
Tread carefully with him.
Play nice, Bo.
Yeah, play nice, Bo.
I'm so tired, Kenzi.
Don't sleep.
Wake up, wake up-- You waiting for The Ash too? Oh, um-- No.
I'm just requesting an audience with a friend.
Do you mind? One of those magazines? Of course.
Bo? Bo.
You've got something on your chin.
What? Oh-- Late night? You know what they say about being a Succubus: it's not the work that'll kill you, it's the hours.
It's a little of both.
Look at you-- I didn't expect to have the pleasure so soon.
Well, I come to you-- O great Ash-- Especially be-humbled-- Can I just please talk to Lauren? Yeah, it's a shame.
She's kinda busy right now.
Of course she is.
I gave my men good odds that you'd never show.
You cost me a thousand dollars, you know that? Well I'd hate to be predictable.
Seductress.
Warrior.
Fashion refugee.
What are you after with that contrarian little act of yours? It's not an act-- Look, this first date chit chat is swell and all, but if can just have five minutes with Lauren- I might.
If it's in the interests of the Light Fae.
It is.
Is it? One would think it's The Ash's job to make that call.
I took on Frank's little problem.
Frank who? The doorman? He came to see you, pleading for help? And don't tell me to keep my nose out of Light Fae business, because he needed you, and like the arrogant, self-involved, useless prick I'm starting to get the sense you are you turned him away! I'm sorry.
When I get tired, my innie thoughts become outies.
No one by the name of Frank doorman or otherwise, has ever spoken to me.
Yeah-- My bad.
Like I said, I haven't really been getting a whole lot of sleep lately.
So-- I'm sorry to bother you.
Mumphert! I think there's something off with the spaghetti! Too much-- Sock! MUMPHERT! Problem, Miss Kenzi? Dude-- What's with the campaign of mass annoyance? Oh, you know what you did! Okay, clearly, someone's last round of electroshock didn't take! Thank you for everything, Mumpher-ino, but I think they need you back in the ward.
You made this my home.
I'm not going anywhere.
Ever.
You-- Oh! Ahh! Ugh! Qu'est-ce que the hell? Hey! Bo! Lab results in already? Yeah-- The prognosis is extremely pissed off! You lied to me, Frank.
You never went to The Ash.
Ok, ok, ok-- you're upset-- Ya think? But the best way to cool down when you're running so hotis sleep it off.
So who wants to see the new talkie that just opened at the Odeon? I do, I do!!! Everyone's saying it's the greatest love story ever told.
Guys, don't invite the buzzkill.
She ruins everything.
Okay, let's go! I don't! I don't! No, I-- I like a good love story just as much as the next gal! Guys, wait! Could someone help out with a yank? I think-- I can't seem-- Guys, I'm still here! Tasty, tasty "B" is for Bo.
Guys! Don't be mad.
I left mad some time ago.
I'm sailing right into livid.
I had no choice.
The circumstances are just kind of-- Beyond my control.
I'll show you beyond your control-- Ugh! Say, Frank-- You got a real pretty mouth Oh, Mumphert! Mumphert?! Mumphy? You were gone so long I thought you'd abandoned everything.
And everyone.
Mumphydoodles-- Abandon my favorite brownie? Never! Some people would take money for what I do.
All I ask for is gratitude.
Gratitude! I have so much gratitude, I can barely keep it down! Here-- For me? Yeah.
You didn't need to do this.
Wish that were true.
Mumpty Dumpty, everything copacetic? It's fantastic.
Good.
Cuz, I don't know if you're up for it yet-- Actually, I don't even know if you're capable-- Know, what? Anything, Miss Kenzi.
It would be my pleasure.
Personal shopping request.
Fur.
Oooh-- Mink coat? Fox stole? Actually, I was thinking a Baku? Hmm.
Baku pelt.
Very rare.
And I'd like it with the Bakustill in it? Talk to me.
Start at the top.
I lied.
I'm not Light Fae.
I'm Dark.
Why'd you lie? This is Light Fae territory.
I'm just squatting.
Tough times-- The recession Don't think you're gonna get away with it.
Are you kiddin'? The Light Fae arestill messed up.
The new Ash still hasn't restored order.
So, why drag me into it? Connie's so hungry.
Connie, who's Connie? My gal.
She's ravenous.
The Mare-- Once she got through snacking on all the humans, she needed a juicy Fae for her main course.
Why not just feed on you? I'm a sandman.
I put people to sleep.
But I don't sleep myself, not ever.
I'm no good to her that way.
As she likes to remind me.
So you targeted me.
Everyone knows you're unaligned.
You're all alone.
Throw that in my face.
I'm just so sleepy.
Again.
Why? Told ya-- I'm a Sandman.
I shed my dust like cats shed dander.
Just need a second to regroup Honey pie?! Well if this doesn't beat all.
Yeah, got a little messed up here, huh? You were spilling your guts to her! She's strong.
And a threat! This is the meal you choose for me? Who's the one who knocked back an entire building of humans? Talk about blowing our cover! I'm eating for six! You checked her out with your own eyes! You didn't like the Succubus, you didn't have to follow her home! Moron! In my condition I shouldn't have HAD to follow her home! I woulda been happier shacking up with a harpie! Great.
Now you woke her.
Get her locked up before she runs off and brings down some real heat on us.
Don't touch me-- Or, somebody pinch me-- No, no, not you! Not you.
Easy.
Easy-- My dad was right.
You are such a loser.
I can see it in your eyes, sweetheart-- awake, but still dreaming? Come on, lemme take care of you.
Where ya gonna go, Bo? I got this place locked up tight, remember? Yeah? Oh, crap.
Hey, slumber butt, where ya been all day? Kenz-- I don't know I don't know if I'm awake or dreaming.
Oh, honey berry crunch, where are you? I'm at The Crawford.
I don't know-- I don't know what's real anymore Bo, you gotta hang in-- Look what I found! You caught one? That's amazing! Who loves ya.
Bo! Stay where you are-- I got you a Baku! We're on our way! Yes, you are! I know where you live, bitch.
I am in your head too.
"B" is for basement.
Ma'am? Are you ok? I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to bother anyone-- Oh my God.
Look at you-- You're beautiful-- I never realized I was so beautiful.
What's wrong? You're the first person who's come -- in years.
Where is everybody? Kenzi-- She died-- Decades ago.
And then-- After Dyson after Lauren-- I never found love again.
Don't say that-- But you're here now.
Stay with me.
It's been so long.
Since I've been touched.
Since I've had one kiss.
No, I have to go! Please-- Just one kiss! Bo! Bo! Okay, so how do you nosh the bad dreams? Should I hold her head while you, unhinge your jaw or? Oh-- That's nice.
Hey-- Where are you going? What's it to you? Bo-- I want it back.
What? All of it.
I want to be with you.
Butthe Norn.
What do you say? In here we can be together - always.
C'mon.
I've eaten the scary dreams.
But your friend is stuck.
Someone or something is holding her there.
Bo! Bo! BO!!! She can't hear you.
Bo-- Bo, please come back-- No.
And goodbye.
Hi.
Bo, meet Baku.
Thank you.
I want in.
If you're still hungry -- there are plenty of humans in the building.
Bet their dreams are pretty bad too.
Thank you, thank you-- You feeling awake and not-cuckoo? I wish.
Kenzi, I feel like-- I feel like the Mare still has a psychic link to-- I think my water just broke.
She was feeding illegally in your territory.
Someone had to do your job for you.
What do you want a medal? I don't want anything from you.
I have a proposition for you! Freelance for us.
You won't have to swear allegiance.
You won't be under my rules -- and I'll pay you a retainer.
To do what? To do the wonderful things that you do.
When the need arises.
No disrespect, but if anything arises-- I'm sure you'll have it well in hand.
Seriously? You're leaving? You should have seen the Baku's place.
It's a pig sty.
If it's more of a mess, you want, I can be messier -- paintball in the kitchen.
I'll shave my legs in the living room-- It's over, Kenzi! Poor Baku's lived alone for decades.
A complete shut-in.
He needs me more.
Love ya! Send a postcard or whatevs.
Oh, right-- Got everything you need? Eye mask? Ear plugs? You get as much beauty sleep as you need, pumpkin.
I'll be sooo quiet tomorrow.
And clean too.
Just keep being you, Kenz.
Sweet dreams.
The sweetest! Oh, and don't worry, I got this watch.