MacGyver (2016) s02e03 Episode Script

1 MacGYVER: I told you not to make the first "S" so big.
That's why you ran out of rocks.
When's the last time you saw a small "SOS"? You got to be able to see it from above.
That's the whole point.
It's go big or don't go home.
Yeah, well, right now, it's just "S-O" and a tiny little squiggle.
It looks like the formula for sulfur dioxide.
JACK: What rescue pilot you think saw my sign and went, "Hey, those fellas down there, they need some sulfur dioxide.
" Oh, what pilot are you talking about? There's not a plane out there, is there? Why are you hating on me right now, huh? I-Is it because I already finished my sign? And you've been in here building on this thing for, like, three days now? I'd like to see you build a radio in the middle of nowhere, using only snowmobile parts.
Maybe I will.
- Huh.
- Maybe next time, I'll make the survival tea.
This sucks.
- Okay.
Okay.
- Look at this.
Twigs.
There's wood in here.
What is this, tree bark flavor? Okay.
The radio is actually almost finished, I just need one tiny little piece of metal to bridge these two resistors.
So it needs to be round, uh, a few millimeters wide.
Hey, let's use a piece of that watch.
Whoa.
(chuckles): Okay, I see how it is.
Yeah.
It's okay to submerge my phone in a shark tank or snap my expensive sunglasses in half to save the world, but when our little butt-sicles depend on taking apart a piece of your personal property, we've crossed the line? Jack, if it was just just my watch, you know I'd use it in a heartbeat.
You know that.
But I'm pretty sure my dad left it for a reason, so that I could find it and use it to somehow find him.
I don't doubt that, but there is no hope of finding him if we don't get out of here.
Yeah.
Wait.
Jack.
Grab that light right there.
Come here.
Grab that light right there.
Please.
I think I found something.
Please.
- See, that gear, right there.
- Huh? It's-it's newer than the rest of the watch.
Am I crazy or? There's something written on it, right there.
This could be the clue to finding my dad.
Yeah, and it could be a weird piece of metal with a bunch of numbers on it.
But we're never gonna know if we freeze to death out here.
Come on, Mac.
I can't feel my butt.
(whispers): I-I can't feel it.
I can't feel it.
Okay, okay.
(shivering) (grunts) (static crackles) Mayday.
This is Firebird Seven.
Assistance required.
Anyone receiving? (static crackles) Mayday.
This is Firebird Seven.
Anyone receiving? MATTY: Took you guys long enough.
- (both laugh) - Hold tight.
Rescue choppers are homing in on your signal.
- Patching you through now.
- MAN: Copy that, Phoenix.
We're almost at your Does that say "S-O, comma"? MATTY: Dalton made the distress signal, didn't he? What gave it away? (laughs) (laughs hysterically) (groans) Okay, okay, okay, okay.
What are you laughing at? Oh, my eyes.
Why didn't anyone tell me that Jack's ass is on the playlist? Oh, no.
Come on, this is the infirmary, people, okay? Not a clown car.
Can't a man with frostbutt get a little privacy, please? Calm down, Dalton, we're all one big happy family here.
If we're a happy family, what does that make Jack? ALL: Crazy uncle.
- Every family has one.
- Okay, you know, I don't have to take this off y'all, I'm out of here.
Enjoy the view on the way out.
- (yelps) - Slow down, cowboy.
This ain't a social call.
We've got work.
Oh, so this is a briefing.
Huh? Right here, right now? Can we move this shindig to the war room? Yeah, well, of course we could.
But where's the fun in that? Besides, it's not like I haven't seen it before.
JACK: I'd appreciate it if we didn't go there, yeah? MATTY: All right.
Thanks to Cage and her interrogation of the Ten of Spades, we have tapped into a treasure trove or new intel, including a lead on the illusive terrorist group, the Red Fist.
The Red what? Jack Well, I can't hear that good with my tochis on full display like this.
She said Red F Oh, can you stand up and put that all away? Red Fist They're a Eastern European group of radicals responsible for over 30 deadly attacks in the last decade.
I thought you said these guys were terrorists.
They're stealing diamonds.
MATTY: Well, in the last six weeks, it appears as though they've shifted gears, pulling off a dozen diamond heists all across Europe, hauling in an estimated $75 million.
And I'm guessing they're not just gonna put this money away so they could retire someplace sunny, huh? Sadly, no.
The Ten of Spades says they want to use the stolen diamonds to finance a major attack.
Every relevant detail of this forthcoming major attack remains a mystery.
However, what we do know is where the diamonds themselves are being held: in a vault at the Karabakh Hotel and Casino in Azerbaijan.
So, if we cut off the funding, then we stop the attack? RILEY: So you want us to break into the casino vault and steal the diamonds before Red Fist can use them? Okay, this assignment keeps getting better and better.
JACK: Look, anything warmer than Siberia I consider a vacation.
Now all I need to do is just come up with a cool cover name.
Actually, your cover IDs have already been taken care of.
(tires screeching) (engine revs) MATTY: Mac, you will be going in as Luke Arrington, an arms dealer with money to burn.
Think I'll dust 'em off, put 'em back up on the shelf Riley, you will be Emma Castillo, a notorious drug lord's girlfriend who's notorious in her own right for traveling with half her wardrobe.
Should make it easy to sneak in all the gear you'll need to hack their system.
Might be over now But I feel it still Bozer, you will be Chet Walker, a money-laundering bad boy looking to spend some ill-gotten gains.
Cage, you will be Francesca Moretti, heir apparent to a Sicilian crime family who may or may not be here to make someone disappear.
And, Jack, you will be Ernie Bung, a disgraced accountant known for questionable bookkeeping.
Ernie Bung? Why can't I be Chet Walker? And a disgraced accountant? That's just shameful, that cover name sucks.
It was either that or a rogue chef who sells illegal bushmeat.
Backstopped cover identities don't grow on trees, Dalton.
I didn't know bushmeat was illegal.
MATTY: Once you're in the casino, all Riley will need to do is clip into the network to hack their system, a program called SteelViper, which will allow her to tap into security cameras and learn some guard rotations.
MacGYVER: Well, if Riley has that kind of access, it should be just a matter of distracting the security long enough to break into the vault, scoop the diamonds, then split.
BOZER: Said that way, sounds super easy.
But I'm still hazy on step one.
How do we clip Riley into the network? Got to assume they're keeping this network behind some big, intimidating door guarded by big, intimidating men.
MacGYVER: Of course.
But I do think I have an idea.
Hi.
(laughs) This is so embarrassing.
My boyfriend and I had a little miscommunication.
We both thought the other one brought the, um (clicks tongue) I don't know why You know what, just come in, come look.
(chuckles) Babe H-Hey.
Any chance you know how to pick a lock? No matter how I try It's like the more you give, the more (beeping) Oh, wow, you are good at that.
Honey, you should see how fast he is.
RILEY: Uh, that-that's great, babe, I'll be out as soon as I can, okay? (chuckles softly) (grunting): Ooh! Oh! Hol-Hold on! (grunts) - Are you okay? - Leg cramp.
(MacGyver groaning) Leg cramp.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
(exhales) There it goes.
Ooh.
Wow, you are fast.
(chuckles) Here you go.
Thank you.
Thanks again.
(door opens, closes) Okay, Boze, you're up.
JACK: Guys, are you seeing what I'm seeing? Hang on, Boze, we got a new player to the game.
Anybody know who the hottie is with the security detail standing in front of the door we need to get into? No idea.
- Jack, can you get a photo? - Yeah, yeah.
I can do that.
(guard clears throat) Can I help you, sir? No, I don't think so.
Can I help you? CAGE: Uh, Mac? Jack could use some help.
(grunts) Ma'am, are you okay? (chuckles) Boy, you better get out of my face, that's what you should do.
CAGE: What are you gonna do with that stun gun, Mac? MacGYVER: Make someone rich.
(speaking Azerbaijani) (chiming) Heh? (man shouting in Azerbaijani) Thank you, thank you.
We're in.
Nice work, Boze.
Their SteelViper system is about to be our SteelViper system.
Yeah, as a wise man once said, "All right, all right, all right"" That was a movie.
- (cork bouncing) - MacGYVER: Whoa! Doesn't mean it wasn't wise, Boze.
Now, relax.
All we got to do now is sit back, have a few dranks, let CSI do her thing.
Do your thing, girl.
MacGYVER: Yeah.
I think you're forgetting about the part where we still have to sneak past security and crack into a state-of-the-art vault.
Yeah, I kind of feel like you're about to jinx this whole thing.
- Come on.
- (laptop buzzes) Guys, we got a problem.
I don't know what security system this is, but it's not SteelViper.
Everything's been upgraded.
Thermal imaging, biometric scanners, and worst of all, the vault's been upgraded, too.
Our whole plan just went bust.
Okay, so I guess we abort.
No.
We improvise.
RILEY: All six walls are titanium.
The tumblers, the dial, the locking bolts, also titanium.
Two sets of re-lockers, cable-triggered and thermal, both titanium, and as if that wasn't enough, the whole thing is encased in Let me guess, more titanium.
No.
It's M-rated ballistic plate armor.
Way stronger than titanium.
So this vault could withstand a direct hit from a tank.
Actually, it could withstand a nuclear blast.
BOZER: So, now for the good news, right? Sure.
If by "good news" you mean more bad news.
The casino's entire network has also been upgraded.
I can access the cameras, but I can't hack into anything else without setting off alarms.
Oh, and the clone key card doesn't work in the basement where the vault is, so, now, we need a nine-digit access code.
Which changes every 30 seconds, by the way.
And a way to get past the iris scanner.
JACK: So it sounds like breaking into this vault's gonna be impossible.
Well, we're just gonna have to do the impossible because we just intercepted intel that those diamonds are gonna be used to purchase a WMD.
Okay, I'm sorry, guys, I don't want to pick apart the way you guys do things, but why didn't we know about any of these upgrades before we came all the way out here? Well, it looks like they all happened in the last two weeks, after the casino brought in a new head of security.
Oh, great, we just ID that asshat, I'll go thank him personally.
Actually, you already IDed her.
JACK: Oh, did I? RILEY: I ran facial recognition and she popped up in Phoenix's database.
BOZER: "Vera Kazakova, former GRU officer and expert interrogator.
" With some serious demons in her closet.
She went into private security after more than a decade as a Russian spy.
And no one gets into the vault without her.
She gets a nine-digit code for the basement doors, on a 2FA app on her encrypted phone.
And only her iris gets past the scanner.
I actually think I know how to get the codes off of her phone.
Dude, is that my phone? - Maybe.
- Well, you're just gonna go stealing it and breaking it? You ain't even gonna ask for it - no more? Just break it.
- MacGYVER: You'll get over it.
Okay, stealing the codes is a good start.
Anybody got a way to steal her iris? Ooh, me.
I do, I do.
I saw this flick one time, where the hero rips the bad dude's eyeball out.
- They scan that - Uh, Jack, I don't think that was the hero.
- And we don't need to rip out anyone's eyeball.
- I'm spitballing.
Just get me a high-res, close-up photo of Vera's iris and I could probably get us past the scanner.
It's hard to get a close-up if you can't even get close.
If we're gonna get near Vera, we're gonna have to peel off her linebackers.
Anyone got any ideas? Not off the top of my head, but I'm sure you'll come up with something.
JACK: The only thing left to do here is figure out which one of us is gonna get close to her.
Ah, hey-hey, back off, Boze.
I've been picking up hot chicks since the third grade, all right? - CAGE: Oy vey.
- Just lucky for everybody in this room, we got a Jack Dalton.
Are we seriously betting this entire mission on Jack's ability to flirt? Double down.
(roulette wheel spinning) MacGYVER: So, you figured out how to get rid of those two yet? 'Cause if I make one more machine hit a jackpot, Vera's gonna get suspicious.
Actually, I'm counting on her getting suspicious.
Show me what's in your pocket.
I have no idea.
Take him downstairs.
And don't call me till you get the truth.
RILEY: Okay, Jack.
Just remember, "Howdy" isn't as endearing an opener as you think.
This woman sniffed out liars professionally for a decade.
Oh.
And that guard Cage just framed was just taken down to a basement level with no cameras.
Which is probably where you'll be taken if you screw this up, so have fun.
Thanks for all the tips on how to pick up women, Riley.
I'll try to pay attention next time.
Just sit back, relax.
I got this.
(clears throat) Howdy.
"Howdy"? Howdy-do? (chuckles) You, uh you look like a woman who knows what she wants.
(chuckles) I am.
But I haven't seen anything that I want.
Yet.
Oh, well, y-you must've just missed this guy, over here, playing blackjack.
Good-looking fella, he's probably your type.
Well, let me guess: glasses, well-tailored suit, and a smile that would make me swoon? Well, swoon's a bit much, but he does have all his teeth, yeah.
How's our boy doing? - Disturbingly well.
- Yeah.
I'm just creeped out he used these lines to pick up my mom.
Oh, so Jack's the crazy uncle no one wants at the family gatherings.
Sadly, very accurate.
And Matty's the mom.
MacGyver and Boze are clearly the brothers.
Truth.
And Riley's the rebellious little sister.
You want to see rebellious? Keep talking.
MacGYVER: Well, that sums up everyone in our little family.
Everyone except for you.
All right, almost there, Jack.
Just a little closer.
We need a clean shot of the entire iris for this to work, so she has to be looking right at you.
So, do you get hungry? I mean, you got to eat, right? I was thinking about strapping on the old feed bag.
We could continue this over dinner if you'd like.
- I'm working, sorry.
- Yeah.
Well, that's a shame 'cause I was in the mood for something fancy.
Oh, yeah, and what do you consider fancy? Oh, Swiss on my burger instead of cheddar.
(soft chuckle) Maybe some of that overpriced French mustard.
(beeps) Boom! We got an eyeball.
Bozer? Two custom contact lenses coming up.
You're about to be a brown-eyed girl, Cage.
MacGYVER: Nice work, lover boy, but we still need the nine-digit code off of her cell, and the cell site simulator I built from your phone only has enough power to work at a very close range.
You know, there is a Michelin-rated steak house in here.
We could hop over there real quick Play whatever game you want in my casino, but never gamble more than you can lose.
The risk might be worth the reward.
MacGYVER: No, like, very close.
(inaudible whispering) My man here tells me that you snapped a picture of me earlier today.
Well, nobody likes a tattletale, but yeah, I'll admit it.
I got a picture of the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life.
Then you've seen enough.
Fair enough.
If she walks now, we might not get another chance to steal that PIN.
Jack, you got to get your hand within six inches of her phone.
My card, in case you change your mind.
I never sleep, you can, uh, call me any time.
(beeps) - (digital trilling) - RILEY: Cloning her phone.
Getting the algorithm for the codes.
VERA: I doubt I'll need it.
Mister? Bung.
Ernie Bung.
Bung? - It's-It's a family name.
- Ah.
Oh, my God, Mac, I think I'm in love for reals, dude.
After we rob this woman's casino blind, I'm going for it, off the books.
You know, officially unofficial, bro.
BOZER: How those contacts feeling? Mm.
Considerably more comfortable - than some disguises I've worn.
- All right, Cage, just finished looping the camera feeds.
Casino security won't be able to see you.
MacGYVER: Once you're through the door, I'll talk you through cracking the vault.
Okay, there's the new code.
You got 30 seconds to input it.
(beeping) (digital trilling) (beeps) (alarm sounding) Cage, get out of there now.
Cage, can you hear me? - Cage - Hey, don't move! (door latch opens, footsteps approach) That's a nice dress.
What were you doing in the basement of my hotel? (with Sicilian accent): What is your name? Can you take these cuffs off? Do you know who my father is? This level's soundproofed.
There are no cameras and nobody knows that you're down here, so it doesn't really matter who your daddy is.
(lock buzzes, latch clicks) I will ask again, what were you doing in the basement of my hotel? I was looking for the bathroom.
And I must have accidentally wandered into the basement of your hotel.
The restricted area where we found you, Miss Moretti, has multiple layers of sophisticated security.
It's an exceedingly difficult place to just wander into.
Just let me call my father.
He is clearing this misunderstanding.
(sighs) Give me my phone! You're a liar.
You know how I know? The truth is in your eyes.
(grunts) The iris scanner is linked to my phone's GPS.
When my phone and my eye weren't in the same place, the system knew you weren't me.
No one gets past my security alone.
So, after you tell me who you really are, you're gonna tell me who you're working with.
I can't find her.
Looks like they're keeping her in the basement.
- The floor without cameras? - Maybe Cage was right.
Should've listened when she said we should abort.
What? Ab come on, no.
Stop it now.
Nobody get discouraged or we're done for good.
We've dug ourselves out of deeper holes than this before.
We're gonna be fine.
Now, we'll just use whatever gadget you whip up to crack the vault, and we'll use the same thing to bust Cage out, too.
MATTY: We'll worry about Cage later.
Getting the diamonds before the Red Fist can trade them for a WMD is our priority.
I agree with you, Matty, but now that Vera knows someone's trying to break into her vault, she's beefed up security.
What was once impossible is now "impossibler.
" That's not a word.
- Huh? - But you're right.
Going through that door is no longer an option.
Well, if the front door is out, why don't we try the back door? The nine-digit code isn't the only thing I pulled off Vera's phone.
These are blueprints for all her recent security updates.
Does that look like a secret passageway to anyone else? JACK: More like a VIP passageway.
All big hotel casinos have 'em so the big ballers can bounce in and out of the penthouse when things get messy.
And things do get messy in a penthouse, - let me tell you.
- Yeah, I heard.
Jack has a story about one of these I do not want to hear.
Hey the passageway.
It bypasses security, and it runs alongside the vault.
It looks like our luck is changing.
The hotel's booking system says - the penthouse is empty.
- Let's go.
- (door buzzes) - Give me a list of everyone that arrived 30 minutes before and after she checked in.
I want intel on everyone that she talked to, gambled with or even looked at.
Find the man who gave me this.
(elevator bell dings) RILEY (over radio): Housekeeping finished the penthouse two hours ago.
You should have the place to yourselves.
Oh, yeah.
(glasses clinking) - Man, this is gonna be easy.
- Shh.
And now we know why this suite wasn't booked.
They're using it for an off-the-books VIP poker game.
Gunner Snyder.
Beef jerky king of Oklahoma.
I'm sure you've heard of me.
Especially you, big man.
You look like a meat eater.
JACK: This here's, uh, my manservant, Randy.
His friends all call him Squeaky.
Say hi there, Squeaky.
Hey there.
Why'd Jack change his cover ID? Uh, probably because dudes named Ernie Bung don't hang with high rollers.
Yeah, well, dudes like Gunner Snyder don't even exist yet.
Phoenix needs to backfill a whole new cover, fast.
You know, my mouth's getting a little dry there, Squeak.
Why don't we sprinkle the infield, huh? (chuckles): All right.
What's the buy-in, slick? The buy-in is 500, sir.
Ooh, five hundy? A little lightweight for a super secret game up in the penthouse, ain't it, boys? $500,000, sir.
Yeah, that's, uh th-that's a good warm-up, good idea.
Tell you what, uh, Randell, why don't you call that bank, free up some loose change? Think I'll jump in here.
(phone beeps) Yeah, it's Randy.
Uh, I'm afraid Mr.
Snyder's playing poker again.
Faster, people.
This ID needs to be rock-solid five minutes ago.
And I need $500K in a Swiss account now.
Jack, if you survive this, I'm gonna kill you.
Of course, now, we, uh, you know, we do, uh, we do all the favorites.
We got your, uh, mesquite, your teriyaki, your habanero.
But our best seller and my personal favorite Salted molasses bourbon jerky.
I know it sounds weird, but I'm gonna have Squeaky set you guys up with some samples and an address where to send thank-you cards.
You know what I mean, my man? (chuckles) So, where, exactly, is this hidden door? Should be near the middle of the west wall.
This isn't really a "pull on it till you find it" kind of room Can you be more specific? Looks like the door is pressure-release, held shut by a magnetic latch.
Any of that help, Mac? Actually, it does.
Found a magnet.
Now I just need to make a compass.
What is that? Blam.
Full house.
Ooh Almost had you there.
(chuckles) Though, you know where it really gets interesting is when you start to get into those novelty meats.
I'm not talking about baby seal, anything like that, but have you had ostrich? You ever had the big bird? Ostrich jerky it'll change your life, big man.
Can I get a dry martini? Stirred, not shaken.
Thanks.
(keypad beeping) (beeping) She arrived at 11:37 this morning, and this is everyone who entered 30 minutes - before and after her.
- This man, where is he now? Facial recognition last flagged him on the penthouse level.
Damn, again?! What is that, like, 90 grand? Kojak, throw in the Tootsie Pop, babe, you're killing it.
Me, on the other hand, I feel like I'm starting to tread water in the shallow end, you know what I mean? Doing the old (chuckles) You know, fun fact.
You know the one breed of dog that can't swim? Huh? Nobody? (quietly): Found the door.
Now I just need to slip through before any Chihuahua, taped to a cinder block.
Good afternoon, all.
I trust everyone's enjoying the game? Is there a problem, Ms.
Kazakova? Oh, no, not at all.
I just like to sneak up and play a few hands when things are quiet on the floor.
Or when something more exciting is happening up here.
(sighs) I thought you were going to dinner.
- Hmm.
- Uh Well, I'm a man of many appetites.
I can see that.
I'm sorry, what was your name again, Mister? - Ernie.
- Ernie.
But my friends They, they call me Gunner.
I'd like to meet these friends.
(Vera and Jack chuckle) Raise 200,000.
(chuckles) (clears throat) I'm all in.
(pats table loudly) How about we play for something worth more than money? Okay.
What do you have in mind? I found something.
Actually, I borrowed something from your friend.
And I don't think she's the only one that you have in my casino.
Actually, I think one of them is with us now, right here in this room.
(grunting) Riley, I'm headed down, but Vera's got Jack.
RILEY: He'll be all right.
He's Jack.
Just get to the vault.
Okay, I'm almost there.
Once I get to the vault, I'll probably need 30 minutes to crack RILEY: Mac? Everything all right? Can you get to the vault? Yeah, I can.
I just I don't need to anymore.
The Red Fist is here, and they have the diamonds.
It's not what I'm talking about.
I said what I want wanted a room upgrade, I was talking about a balcony, a Jacuzzi tub and God and a little more privacy.
I mean, seriously, come on, come on.
- (handcuffs click) - Ow! So tight? What, they get you for snapping selfies, too, there, cheerleader? What'd you call me? I was looking for the bathroom.
The signage in this place is - The what? - Tragedy.
- The signs? - The sign Shut up.
You will identify your team, or it will get really unpleasant.
It's already unpleasant.
Team? That's - There's no team.
- VERA: Shut up! All right, you recognize anyone? JACK (chuckles): '70s hair.
No, don't know her.
Better hair game, but no.
Ooh, wish I did.
Uh, hmm Didn't he write the music for Jaws? What about him? Skinny little blond guy? Never seen him before.
This man was in the penthouse suite with the sausage king.
Go find him.
It's not sausage, okay? It's beef jerky.
I'm the beef jerky king.
- Get it right.
- (door buzzes open) Thank you very much.
Beef jerky king? - Seriously? - Hey, I was hungry, I was put on the spot.
It's the only thing I could think of.
Okay, all right? Hey.
I think I know a way out of this.
RILEY (over radio): Mac, I've got Red Fist on the move.
Once they leave the casino, I can tag their vehicles and task a satellite to track 'em.
Guys, I don't think they're leaving.
No, they're not.
They're going up.
What'd they forget to pack? Riley, can you track that elevator? Hey, I didn't touch anything.
No, i-it wasn't you.
Security must have found us in the system and kicked us off the network.
(elevator bell dings) Riley, is now really the best time to check out what's on pay-per-view? I'm locked out of the security cams, but there's more than one way to see what's happening in a hotel.
Okay, so we're clear on the plan? Cage, this isn't the first time I've done this, okay? What, being handcuffed in a casino or what we're about to do? Both.
So, I'm gonna need a little bit of room, so you might want to make yourself scarce Back up there.
(chair scraping loudly) Like that? Yeah, that's good.
Cool.
(grunting) Help! Help! Oh, my God.
He's dying.
(grunting) The head strikes again.
(Jack laughs) Ooh, ooh, yeah, I want a gun, too.
Check and see if he brought enough for the entire class.
Cuff keys.
Later.
Come on.
You call this a gun? (grunts) (sighs) Riley, I'm on 49.
Means Red Fist is on the 50th.
We need eyes up there.
Any luck getting the cameras back? No, but I found some new ones.
Let me scan the 50th floor.
Checkout time, kids.
Right now.
Let's go, let's go.
Cool, but we can't leave without all of our luggage.
The diamonds and the Red Fist are on the 50th floor.
Which is swarming with heavily armed guards.
I got eyes again, Mac.
I couldn't get into the security cams, so I gave myself access to the built-in cameras in every hotel TV.
- That's kind of creepy.
- Yeah.
No, that's creepy.
Right there, that's creepy.
Mac, the sale is going down right now.
The WMD the Red Fist is buying is in the hotel.
There.
That must be it.
All right, Mac, we're looking at at least seven unfriendlies here, man.
As much as I'm a fan o-of charging in there headlong, I don't think the front door is such a good choice here, man.
No door? No problem.
I'll just take the window.
The win yeah, fine, whatever.
Okay, we're in position and read (blows hair) ready.
Do your thing, Spider-Mac.
(grunting) MacGYVER: You guys should probably cover your ears.
(man grunts) (grunting) (device beeps) (device beeping rhythmically) JACK: Is that what I think it is? - MacGYVER: A nuclear weapon? - Yeah.
- Just a baby one.
- (groans) It's only half a megaton or so.
Adorable.
Can you disarm it? Uh yeah, if I had a couple of hours.
Well, what if you had 14 minutes and 37 seconds? - Yeah.
- 36.
- 35.
- I'll think of something.
Four three two Probably.
Shots fired.
Lock down the building.
RILEY: Guys, Vera is locking the place down.
Whatever you're doing, I suggest you avoid the lobby entirely.
Okay, once we get the nuke to the lobby, what then? We-We get it outside? We can't take it outside.
It may just be a suitcase nuke, but it'll still kill everyone within five city blocks.
Hmm, only five.
We can't disarm it, can't take it outside, can't leave it here.
I must be missing the plan.
Yeah, yeah, that makes two of us.
Oh, come on.
(pounds wall) Mac, please tell me you have a plan.
I have a plan.
Just I'm not sure if it's gonna work.
Mm.
My plan.
You said the vault could withstand a nuclear blast.
I'm hoping it can also contain one.
I also remember you saying busting in here was gonna take you at least a half hour.
Yeah, well, we got seven minutes and 49 seconds.
Well, is that enough time? At this point, we have no choice but to roll the dice.
JACK: Roll the dice? Bingo.
Wha I think you mean "jackpot", we're in a casino.
Shh! We're in a casino.
Plug this in right there.
Jack, stand those two roulette wheels on their side with the metal tops facing each other, about an inch apart.
Like this? And then, uh, yeah, take that, put it in between these.
Mac, how is whatever this thing is gonna get us in there? Well, how much do you know about - Lorentz forces? - Never heard of it.
Well, they're really interesting.
Yeah, to who? MacGYVER: See, the slot machines feed current to the roulette wheels, which acts as a giant capacitor storing a charge.
You know what? Time's ticking.
I'll take your word for it.
Yeah, I'm with her.
Well, good thing I'm done.
So, let's get out of here.
Move back.
- You trying to die? Get out of there.
- No, no.
Maybe you didn't do it right.
(explosion booms) Never mind.
Mac, did you just Shrink the metal? Yeah.
(Cage laughs) (grunts) Let's go, let's go.
Less than a minute.
(grunts) Oh.
Hey.
- Hey, Jack.
- Jack.
We don't have to blow up all this cash doing it.
- Let's take some.
- Jack.
Hey, I'm taking it.
It's hazard pay.
(grunts) Come on, come on! (explosion booms) (people shout) (panting) (coughs) BOTH: That was awesome! (both laugh) (whooping) (Cage laughs) - Whew.
- (laughs) You just used a vault to contain a nuclear blast.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Hey, hey.
I guess I did.
Let's pop it open, get some of that sweet moolah, daddy.
We don't want to do that.
Anything that wasn't vaporized is gonna be radioactive for 10,000 years, so 10,000? That's, uh, that's a no.
That's a no.
(indistinct chatter) Hey.
Mac.
Hey, you guys all right? CAGE: Considering we were just 30 feet from a nuclear explosion, yeah, pretty good.
Hey, guys, members of the Red Fist are in cuffs.
We just saved a city full of people.
- So, not so bad considering.
- All the money is gone.
- You almost got blown up.
- You guys got captured.
No.
All right, well, besides all that.
- Right? - Yeah.
(chuckles) So, you hacked my cameras, you attacked my guards, and now you destroyed my vault.
But you met your soul mate.
MacGYVER: Uh, and about the vault, before you pop that thing open, you're gonna want to send a hazmat team in there.
What I want to do is throw you all in a cell and lose the key.
But I'm not gonna do that because you saved my casino and all the guests.
Grazie.
You have ten minutes to leave.
Hey, that gives us about nine and a half minutes to have a quick drinky-poo.
(both chuckle) You have ten minutes to leave the country.
I, uh, I wasn't kidding about the vault.
- Radiation poisoning makes for bad Yelp reviews.
- VERA: Leave.
If you don't get out, I'm going to shoot you.
(stammers) It's not a ("Luck Be a Lady" by Frank Sinatra playing) Luck be a lady tonight - Hey.
- Hi.
Glad you could make it.
Are you kidding? Watching people try to bluff me is all I could ask for on a Friday night.
(chuckles) So, I've been thinking Mac, to be fair, when are you not thinking? About your role in our little family.
I think I figured it out.
And? And you're the mysterious new kid, the one that everyone likes immediately, the one who spends more time eating meals at your house than she does at her own.
You saying I'm the girl next door? (Jack trumpeting) (laughter) Frickity, frickity fresh doughnuts, y'all.
Poppin' hot right from the oven.
(laughter) What's so funny? I might have made a few calls and tracked down a few new ID photos for your dossier.
Seriously? Y'all are laughing at photos of my bare buttocks? - Yes.
- Yeah.
Oh, nice.
I thought we were playing poker.
(laughs) We will once we're done with this.
Don't where did you even get those? No.
Don't answer that.
I don't care.
Doesn't matter.
I was gonna share my doughnuts with everybody, but now I think I will share them with Ms.
Cage.
Why me? For getting my back.
BOZER: Uh, don't you mean for saving - your little booty? - (laughter) (laughs mockingly) Hold that.
Yeah, I'm-a get a piece, I'm-a get a piece of your butt.
Tighten you up real quick.
BOZER: Help, Mac!