Miracle Workers (2019) s02e03 Episode Script

1 So, I took a look at your taxes, and there's actually this one cute little loophole where you can write off all your banquets as long as you claim the peasants as dependents.
- Oh, wow.
- No one will ever know.
And that's just allowed? Eh, they never check.
- me.
- Mm-hmm.
Revolution! News from our enemies, Lord Vexler.
I have just received word from the Valdrogians that they wish to sue for peace.
Congratulations, Your Grace.
It was not my victory alone.
I must send a royal emissary to discuss the terms of their surrender.
I am choosing you to represent our kingdom.
I'm honored.
An honor you have earned many times over.
There is but one catch.
My Liege, I swore to serve you no matter the cost.
I am willing to lay down my life.
You've got to take him.
Do the Chauncley! Do-do-do-do the Chauncley! Do-do-do-do the Chauncley! Any legal treaty requires a royal witness, so I know.
It sucks.
Oh, it'll be nice to get out of Lower Murkford for a bit.
You and me, Vexler, road dogs.
Do you really need to pack all this stuff? Oh, I always over-pack.
I figure, first things first, we just go to the room, relax for a bit, maybe go to the beach, but I don't want us to have to follow a schedule.
We're on vacation.
No, this is not a vacation.
It's a high-stakes diplomatic mission.
Yes.
One second Just setting up the music.
Bard, play "Party Mix.
" Party, party, party Everybody's at the party We're all at the party, party, party Skip.
A bear has a long, long tail - He lives in a - Skip.
Party, party, party, ev Stop.
Prince, when we meet Prince Ya-Shayn, you need to say a traditional greeting.
Repeat after me.
Hush may-nah.
Hush mah-nu.
I mean, I think he'll probably speak English.
No, you can't just assume that everyone speaks English.
Important people do, though.
First of all, yikes.
Secondly, I have no record of them speaking anything other than ancient Valdrogian.
If you want to survive, you need to keep your mouth shut.
You are the expert.
Party, party, party Everybody's at the party Stop.
Remind me again why we're taking the morning off.
I'll give you two hints.
It's awesome, and you're gonna love it.
What's ShitCon? Only the biggest event in the entire shit-shoveling industry.
We're talking info booths and demos and networking.
- Cool.
- Eddie! Gary, you son of a bitch, get over here.
Rebecca, what are you doing here? - I thought you died.
- No.
- How do you all know each other? - Are you kidding? Your dad is the best damn shoveler in town.
Oh, come on.
Yeah, when termites ate my cart, he helped me build a new one.
Wow.
Last winter, when my knee exploded, he covered my roof for me.
Yeah, and he's not just good with a shovel.
Your dad is the most fair, the most honest man in this business.
Dad, I had no idea you were so awesome.
I do my best.
- What's that? - I don't know.
Ingenuity.
The future.
Disruption.
Move fast.
Break things.
Break the chains.
Today, I present to you a simple yet revolutionary innovation that will make the act of shoveling completely obsolete.
- What the hell is this? - You're missing it.
Introducing the hole.
It's a hole in the ground that you shit in, so you just put the shit in the hole, and then you don't have to shovel anything.
Right? So cool.
I can't believe no one's thought of that before.
It's really gonna change things, huh? Remember, follow my lead, and don't say anything.
Hey, brah, I'm sorry to interrupt.
Um, do I know you from somewhere? Uh Um, I don't I don't think so.
Ah, this is killing me.
Um Uh, do y uh, no.
Do you ever go to Falcon Island? Yes, my father has a stronghold there.
We summer there every year.
I've 100 percent seen you around.
Wait, were you at Princess Alison's barbecue last year? Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Oh.
Oh, me and Alison go all the way back.
Me, too.
We met at baby ski camp in the Forbidden Mountains.
My uncle owns those mountains.
He's the one that made them forbidden.
This This is wild.
This is crazy.
So dope.
- Aww! - Yeah, man.
- Delightful.
- Hell yeah.
Come on in.
Man, let's kick it.
Yes.
- So, this is the crib.
- Wow.
How was the trip, man? Did you travel private? Oh, yeah.
That's what's up.
Okay sweet, back up.
Your cousin knows my cousin? No, no, no, my cousin knows Princess Alison - Who's friends with my cousin.
- Yes, exactly.
- Holy shit! - This is crazy.
Oh, my God.
Lord Vexler, isn't this crazy? Uh-huh, yeah, it's crazy.
What a coincidence.
Should we return our focus on the treaty? Dude, what is up with your butler? N-No, I'm I'm not a butler.
I'm a lord, the minister of the realm.
Okay, dude.
Yo, Chauncley, do you drink blood? 'Cause my dad's got this, like, sick-ass blood cellar.
Yeah, I got nothing.
Uh, could we get a bottle of that '93, please? Thank you.
It's dumb, huh? I mean, why would you shit in a hole when you could just go on the floor of your house and pay someone to remove it after a couple of days? I don't know, Dad.
Holes seem like a pretty drastic improvement over the current system.
Oh, plenty of bells and whistles, if you ask me.
It'll never catch on.
Trust me.
Gladys, Eddie here.
Morning pickup.
Hello, Eddie.
No need.
I've just got one of those new holes installed.
It's easier, cheaper, and better for the environment A total game-changer.
Party, party, party Everybody's at the party Yo, I love this song! Turn it up! Party, party, party Doing things inside the party Now they're scooting at the party We are bouncing everybody up and down at the party Frank, come on.
Even you? I'm sorry, Eddie.
I'm sure you understand.
The hole is a great money-saver, and the kids love it.
It's It's fun for them.
I understand.
Your mind's made up.
Just do me a favor and kiss me on the mouth.
What? Why? Because that's the way I like being kissed when I'm getting! Whoa! Okay, Dad, you've got to calm down.
If the business is changing, that just means we have to figure out how to adapt.
No way! I'm not gonna let this newfangled technology replace me.
If they're gonna fight dirty, so am I.
Hold on, brah.
I'll be right back.
Frank? Gladys? What are you doing here? We need your dad.
Hey, what's up? Trouble in paradise? You were right.
Eddie, those holes didn't work out.
Oh, no.
Really? What happened? We all came home from work to find snakes living in them.
They bite so sharp And they're laying eggs.
Please, come back.
Well, you're lucky I'm generous.
- I'll be back.
- Oh.
I'm not sure when.
My schedule is just crazy, you know, people shitting left and right, but I'll see what we can work out.
You see, Al? Now, aren't you glad we didn't do anything rash, like change our business? Dad, did you put those snakes in those people's holes? Eh, I may've had a little something to do with it.
You tricked people, Dad! That's not right! What was I supposed to do? They're the ones who started playing dirty.
No! No, you did.
I thought you were the most fair, honest man in the business.
Guess I was wrong.
Ally, sweetheart.
Oh.
Two steps back a little jauntily And that is how you do the Chauncley Hey, hey! Oh, my, you're too kind.
You're too kind.
Say, it's getting a little late.
Just to get it out of the way, what do you say we, uh, sign this treaty? All right.
Yeah, sounds good, bro.
Hey, but first Thank you.
let's finish this.
Yes, cheers.
Aah! Oh, what the hell, man?! - Vexler, what was that? - This is poison.
They're trying to poison you.
No, it's not.
Then why does it say "danger" on the side? That's "dan-gur.
" It's a brand of high-end rhino blood.
Mmm! Notes of copper and some very playful tannins.
Yes.
I I overheard you in the kitchen.
You said the last person they had at a blood tasting died.
Yeah, our buddy Brandt died.
He got really drunk on blood, and he climbed up on the roof to do a backflip into the pool, but at the last second, it turned out that there was no pool.
I'll never forget his last words "Shit, bro.
No pool.
" I miss Brandt.
We all do, Brian.
Well, this party has officially been fouled.
- It's time for us to go.
- No, no, no.
Uh, w-w-we have to sign the treaty.
Nah, bro, that's done.
Your butler really shit the bed.
Sorry, war's back on.
Party, party, party Everybody's at the party How could I have made such a big mistake? Your father is going to be furious.
Maybe it'll be fine.
In my experience, when you make a mistake, things have a way of just working themselves out.
For you.
You can screw up a million times, and there's never any consequences, but I'm gonna lose everything.
Honestly, it's what I deserve.
No, no.
It wa It was an honest mistake.
I was completely lost back there.
I've been trying to make it in the castle, but who are we kidding? I'm a peasant.
I always will be.
Got a sec? I'm reading.
You were right.
I shouldn't have snaked up those holes.
It's just, seeing all that change, it made me Angry.
scared.
Shoveling is all I know, and it's the only way I know how to take care of you and your brother.
If it goes away, I I don't know what I'll do.
Maybe I can teach you how the holes work.
Easier said than done.
I mean, you're young.
You pick up things no sweat.
It's a lot harder at my age.
I've been doing this a long time.
I mean, I'm 31 years old.
Don't worry, Dad.
We got this.
"War commences.
We return our peace with fury and death.
In Brandt's name, we recommence the battle.
" What the hell happened? And who the is Brandt?! Um, Your Highness, uh this isn't, uh, easy to admit, but the The truth is that I I screwed it up.
I blew it, the the The treaty thing.
The treaty was prearranged.
How could you possibly have blown it? Right.
How? Well, what happened is that I I I grabbed the treaty, and I pulled down my trousers, and I I rubbed I rubbed my butt on it.
And why would you do that? I'm very dumb and stupid.
Okay.
Let's backtrack a little, shall we? Yeah, sure.
- You're at the negotiation table.
- Mm-hmm.
You took out your butt, and you physically rubbed it on the treaty.
Yeah.
Out of nowhere, with no provocation? No, just did it.
That's what happened.
This is a new low.
I mean - you suck.
- Mm.
I will say, it would've been a lot worse were it not for Lord Vexler.
Undoubtedly.
Vexler, come with me.
I'm gonna need your help to sort this mess out.
Ah, yes, Your Grace.
Oh, hi, Eddie.
I guess you're here to shovel.
Actually, I'm here to remove the snakes from your hole.
Huh? Look, we're expanding the business.
That's great! How much? This one's on me.
Your dad's a good man.
Yeah, I'm pretty proud of him.
Here, snakey.
Ow! There's a man-sized snake in here! Got my whole face! Gonna dump out the last of the snakes.
Thanks, kiddo.
Aah! Oh! Aah! Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! Ugh! Prince Chauncley? - Are you okay? - Oh, yeah.
I'm fine.
What are you doing down here? Oh, just steering clear of the castle for a bit.
My dad is kind of mad at me.
How mad? Well, he told all the servants to keep me from his sight and rid the rooms of "my scent.
" Yikes.
Sounds like you're having some rough luck.
Yeah, but, you know, as a prince, I've had nothing but good luck since birth, so I'm probably due for a bit.
Al, everything okay over there? Coming! I should go, but it was nice running into you.
Oh, and you, as well.
Oh! Aah! One more.
Right.
Party, party, party Everybody's at the party We're all at the party, party, party