Mount Pleasant (2011) s02e03 Episode Script

Everything was perfect.
You'll be swapping regions, when they knock it down? Knock what down? I was wondering if you would mind passing my card onto Fergus? That's definitely got something to do with a fella.
Which fella? What am I going to do without him? Maybe we could sort out that visit.
There is no visit.
Rihanna? They're free.
They're ours.
It's sorted.
Charlie! All right, gorgeous? Morning! Have you got any duct-tape? It's for your father.
Found it! Oh, it's OK - he's found it.
Shouldn't you be up? It's gone eight, you know.
Morning, kid, what's crack-a-lackin? Why are you here? At eight o'clock in the morning, in my kitchen, making signs? They're for the protest.
I'll try and rephrase the question.
No, actually I can't.
Why are you here? At eight o'clock in the morning, in my kitchen, making signs? What the? This is my favourite mug! That is? Yes! Well it'll clean out.
I made you a coffee.
Why didn't you use this one?! I gave you that.
What do you think, Dan? Eh? "Ice, Ice, Savey!" Ice, Ice, Savey! Dum, dum, dum, bb, dum, dum bum, bum, bum dd, bum, bum Yeah! Bum, bum, bum dd, bum, bum bum, bum, bum dd, bum, bum Oh Yeah! Get Down! O! O! Breakfast is served! A banquet fit for a sports star! I'm not a sports star.
Not yet, that's why you need your five a day.
I'm so excited about watching you play tomorrow night.
You're coming? I'm driving you there, silly.
That is the right word isn't it? Touch-line? Side-line.
Do you not want me there? No, yes Of course I do.
Of course I do.
What are you going to wear? What do you mean? Sorry to bother you.
Never a bother, Jack, you know that.
How you doing? Getting by In my own way.
Good.
It was a nice service, Jim would have liked it.
Oh, he'd have hated it, he never was keen on being the centre of attention.
Would you like to come in? I've just buttered up some crumpets.
No, I can't stop - actually I'm just here about the house.
Oh, you're moving back? Ahh, no.
But I am renting it.
To yourself? Well That's certainly one possibility, Bianca But a more practical one might be to someone else? Oh.
And seen as you've already got the keys, I wonder if I could send prospective tenants your way? I think the place will shift a lot quicker with a glamorous tour guide.
Well, I'm not sure about that! No, seriously though, Jack, I wish you'd reconsider moving back.
We all really miss you round here.
Where are my keys? Have you seen them? They're probably where you left them.
Brilliant, why didn't I think of that? We should get t-shirts made! We are not having t-shirts made.
Well, paint on some old ones then.
You've got lots of old clothes haven't you, Lisa? Excuse me? Here, hold that a sec, love? They're not where I left them, which means you must have moved them.
What is that gorgeous smell? That'll be your full English.
Landed on your feet with this one, eh, Barry? Don't I know it? Hold it straight, love, you're tilting it.
I mean, I bought this little box to put our keys in and you always Oh here they are.
They were in the box.
I'm going to work! Quite the wordsmith, your Barry, eh, Sue? A regular Pam Ayres.
You can come if you like? Yes, help boost the numbers.
Not expecting much of a turn-out then? Yes we are.
Right - I'm off, you going to be OK? Yeah, can I have a quick word, actually? If we build it, they will come.
Lisa is cool with all this, isn't she? I know what it's like, needing space, last thing you want is the in-laws living in your pocket, right? Do you want your undies doing? I'm putting a wash on.
I'm fine, ta, Sue.
You sure? I'm doing Lisa's.
No.
Fine.
Trust me, Lisa's in no position to comment.
Anyway, it's Mum you should be worrying about.
She didn't seem thrilled, did she? Here, she's not, er seeing anyone is she? I don't know! No, you always were awkward talking to your mother about sex, weren't you? Not like with me.
I was always happy to give you a few tips when you brought your latest one home, wasn't I? Yes.
Often while they were still sitting there.
Yeah Seriously repressed childhood traumas aside, it is nice.
Having you around again.
I've missed you.
Thanks, son.
Same here.
And I've changed.
Things are going to be different this time.
Listen, you couldn't sub us a 20 could ye? Just till I'm back on me feet? Morning, morning, morning.
Morning.
Oh, Denise? Your top.
Top of what? Oh, God! This keeps happening How long has it been like that? All morning.
What? You saw it? Yeah.
I spent ten minutes talking to that bloke in reception.
I know.
Here you are, love.
Talking of right tits.
Morning, team! Shelley, I need a quick word if you don't mind? What? Nothing.
Can you dig out an HR form? Yes.
Anything else? No No.
An HR form? Do you think we're getting a new staff member? What? With the crack team we've already got? Look who's here.
What do you think you're playing at? Sue made us eggy bread.
Why.
Are.
You.
Here? They didn't have a telly upstairs.
She's left you, hasn't she? "Babs".
What was the problem? Stopped importing Viagra to Costa-Del-Stud did they? Right.
Barry, time to make a move.
Okie doke.
Laters, kids.
Bye.
You're beautiful when you're angry, do you know that? You are angry, aren't you? It's hard to tell, cos you're also beautiful when you're not.
You've got some fucking nerve.
After everything you done you think you can just rock back up here and start with that silver tongue of yours? My silver tongue's missed you.
Have you missed me? About as much as I miss the menopause.
How did that work out by the way? It was just kicking in when I left, wasn't it? You think you're funny? Well, you used to think I was.
No, I thought you were a joke.
Only now you're a joke with no home and no Babs and no future Back here, sponging off your own son.
Well, that's me covered.
And how have you been? A lot better without you.
Can I have my eggy bread back? Admit it! You missed me! Kim sent it, I don't know where she gets them all from.
Obviously got too much time on her hands, hasn't she? Ah good, you're here, come on through.
You too, Shelley.
It's really working then? This business? Mate, you've no idea, started off with the old crew, hardly any of them had work after the lays offs.
Now I got people queuing up to get on me books.
I fix 'em up with the contracts, they do the graft, I get the commission.
Dunno why I never thought of it before.
Same again? No, no, no, you got the last one.
Oh Gave me Dad my last 20.
You know, can always do with a few plumbers on the rota, if you need the work? I'm just saying.
Here.
My card.
Ah, thanks, Greg.
I do have your number, you know.
It's good though, isn't it? Well, go on then, Duncan Bannatyne, same again, yes.
Wonder why Jack is here? He's nice though, isn't he? I've always liked him Is he? I suppose so.
Does he know you've got a baby? In fact, where've all your pictures of it gone? You made me take them down.
You said, "If I wanted to come to work and see other peoples" What was it, Lisa? Sexual waste products.
Yeah, that.
You'd have, "Got a job" ".
.
at that dry cleaners on Fairfield.
" Yeah, I know.
That was a joke.
Stick 'em up! Brighten the place no end, they do.
Really? OK! This is the best spot.
They'll see us from the road then.
Honk us to show support.
Takes me back all this, remember? You and me, marching down Piccadilly Plaza? 40 years ago! And that was Ban The Bomb, not Save the Ice-rink.
It worked though, didn't it? I'm not sure you and I can take all the credit for nuclear disarmament.
Barry, sometimes things just change.
Only cos nobody stands up for stuff anymore.
But not me and you, kid.
Right, everybody, thank you.
Jack here has kindly agreed to join us on a financial consultancy basis, mostly working from his own place, but I think we can expect to see him pop in from time to time.
We're just one big happy family.
That's nice.
It's going to be like my second home.
Good, er Denise? Would you like to give him a quick tour? I'll do it.
OK, thank you.
Right, I will see you for that drink later then? Looking forward to it.
I had no idea! You could have stopped it! How? What was I supposed to tell him? "Sorry, you can't hire Jack, he tried it on with my best mate once.
" No! You make something up, don't you? Like what? Like I dunno He's an arsonist.
He doesn't look like an arsonist.
Oh? What does an arsonist look like then? Come on It's not that bad, is it? He apologised, to you and to Dan.
Yeah, he did.
Yeah.
There you go.
How you getting on with the new lodger? Oh, God.
Don't ask.
Well, if you fancy an escape, I'm at a bit of a loose end tonight, and me and you haven't done owt for ages.
Know what I don't get? Why did Fergus approach him? How did he know that he was looking for work? Yeah Hmmm That might have had something to do with me, actually.
What? Jim's funeral, he gave me his card to pass on to Fergus I'm sorry.
I didn't know he was going to give him a job, did I? What else would he do with his card, Shelley? Make a paper aeroplane out of it? Kind of in poor taste.
Jesus! Hang on that means he actually wanted to come here? Yeah, I suppose so.
Lisa Lise Are we still on for tonight, then? Lisa? Jack was round this morning.
About next door.
He's not moving back, is he? No.
He's after renting it.
Got me acting as official housing manageress.
Oh.
You're showing people round? Yes.
Oh, don't worry.
I'll make sure I get a nice one.
You've got to be careful, haven't you? Haven't you just? Reason I grabbed you.
I needed to ask you some advice.
Fashion advice.
You? Wanted to ask me fashion advice? I'm after getting something a little bit more conservative.
And you're always dressed so smart.
Am I? Oh, thank you.
Actually I was wondering if there's anything of yours I could have a lend of? Well, I could Not any of the everyday stuff obviously, but you must have a couple of nice frocks from back when you used to go out.
Back when I? Erm I'm sure I can dig something out.
Thanks, bye! No deal.
No deal.
No deal.
Has that helped? Where's the dinner me mum left? Was it on a pink plate? Yes.
With cling film round? Yes.
Pink plate, cling film And a piece of paper saying "Lisa".
I thought that said "Tuna".
It was shepherds pie! Yes, I did think that was a bit strange at the time.
Deal! Deal! Greedy bastard! What? All right there, are you? Not hungry or anything? I'm fine ta, I'll have a brew if one's going, though.
Christ almighty - I swear the birds didn't look like that when I was their age.
Tell you what, if I was ten years younger, or three more pints in Happily married man like you? Can I ask you something? Personal? Six inches on the flop, why? You and Denise? Must be hard, seeing her every day like that.
I made a mistake.
I'm human.
But I'm done, there's no feelings there.
It's not her I mind seeing The photos.
Yeah, good looking kid.
Course it is Apparently.
Pictures are all I've seen.
She won't let me within ten foot of it Like somehow it's all my fault.
She was the one couldn't be bothered to take a simple little pill every day.
Some people only think of themselves, don't they? I know, right? Tell you what, I've got a mate who's a lawyer.
I didn't really come for a reading.
I'm not sure I buy into all this stuff, it's You're about to embark on a new sexual journey.
Really?! The true love of your life will appear to you in pink.
Pink? Well there you go, what did I tell you? That whole metro-sexual thing is not for me, I want a man to be a man.
I wouldn't look twice at a bloke in pink.
Well, go on! Turn over the next one! I got you a drink.
Cheers.
Are you, um, annoyed with me about something? What makes you think that? Well, my first clue was when you bit my head off downstairs.
And, to be fair, the second is the way you just inhaled that Look, I'm sorry I've just had a really shit a day at work, that's all.
Why? What's happened? OK Now I don't want you to Dad! Charlie! Whoop! Sorry! Why are you two sat there with the lights off? Never mind, your business - I'll nip in your ensuite, yeah? I'll wipe round after.
All right, I'll talk to him, find out what he's planning on doing.
Thanks, Dan.
You were saying something about work? Doesn't matter.
It'll be fine.
Just one of them days.
Yoo-hoo! It's only us! Hello, it's the Horlicks Popular Front.
Morning, gang.
Big day today, eh, Baz? I predict a Ri-ot! I predict a riot! Do-do, do-do-do-do! I predict rain, we're going back for our macs.
Hey! What's all this? For the protest.
Packed lunch.
I told her, we're supposed to be sticking it to the man, not having a picnic.
Come on then, don't want to be the last there.
See you laters, Nigel Slater's.
In a whiles, Nobby Stiles.
I better get off me'self.
You two have a good day.
Hey! You were right, you know? Yeah.
Course I was.
Right about what? Reckon we need one of them cuddly nights on the sofa, don't you? And what about? I'll talk to him, he'll be more than happy to make himself scarce for the evening.
I'll give him 20 pence to go the pictures or something.
So hurry home.
And I hope work's a bit better today.
I'm off! Don't be late back, I want you getting something to eat before we head to the match.
Yeah, yeah.
Dad, I was wondering whether Are you washing up? Needn't sound so surprised, it is the 20th century you know? I'm very enlightened, me.
Just cos you leave poor Lisa to do all the household chores.
Actually I'd be more surprised if she was doing it And it's the 21st century, by the way.
Not in here, son, not in here.
Do you want to dry? You know your mum came round yesterday when you were out? Oh, God I daren't ask She stuck a piece of eggy-bread on my head.
OK Well I've seen her do worse.
Me too, think she's softening.
How was she? You know, after I, er Hurt, Dad.
She was hurt.
What can I say? I will make it right.
I should offer to take her out somewhere, just to talk, I mean, you know, nothing else Well Not unless she's up for Woah.
Sharing again, Dad! But you're right, you should take her out.
You should take her out tonight.
Tonight? No time like the present.
Even for someone who thinks it's the 20th century.
Right.
I will.
Thing is, though I'll lend you the money.
Cheers, son.
Are you wearing perfume? Hmm? Morning, ladies.
Hiya.
What do you think you're playing at, coming here? It was a great offer.
Only an idiot turns down a good thing.
Don't give me that.
Why else would I be here? Because Because? What? Because of you? That ship has long sailed, at least it did from where I'm standing.
Perhaps you think differently? What is that supposed to mean? It means you're the one doing all the whispering.
Oh, for fuck's Could you be more of a cliche? I didn't buy them.
There was a load of them stuck to that lamp-post over there, seemed a bit of a waste.
OK, everyone, you'll be pleased to hear we spent the morning going through the accounts.
And, thanks to Jack's genius number crunching super powers, we have managed to shave at least 20% off the predicted outgoings for the next quarter.
Er Yeah, anyway, so seen as thought we're going to have all this extra cash to chuck about I thought it might be a nice idea to spend a little bit of it on a works night out! Bit of celebration tonight, what do you say? I can't go.
Oh for f! I don't have to go if you're that bothered.
Haven't got a baby-sitter, actually.
Not everything's about you.
Well, I'll be there.
I can't go, Shelley.
Why not? Is this to do with me? I can go.
Why would it be because of you? I don't know, that's why I'm asking.
Tell you what, Denise, I'll baby-sit, how's that? Oh no, wait, I can't, can I? No.
You can't.
So why exactly can't you go, Lisa? I'm just busy, OK? Busy doing what? I can go.
Does it matter? I'm just busy.
How's about this then? Neither of us go and it's all your fault.
Fine.
Fine.
Fine.
I mean, fine I can't go Sorry So who's going? Do you know what? It was just a nice idea, that's all.
I cancelled a sodding manicure for this So Just come if you want don't if you don't whatever.
What time we meeting? Mind if I open the curtains? No! Got a headache.
Used to get a lot of them I recall.
I had one for 30 years Managed to shift it though.
What? And now its back? Yeah, funny that, isn't it? Look I'm not saying we just pick up where we left off.
I'll bet you're not.
Since we left off with you being dragged out the country by a top-heavy coffin snatcher, one hand on your cock, the other in our savings account.
It wasn't like that Weren't we happy? We spent three quarters of our time fighting.
Oh, but that other 15% Pauline That other 15% Hurry up and finish your tea.
Cash In The Attic's on in a minute.
It's never too late to start again.
Look at me, I am.
I'm back and a whole new adventure awaits.
I've got plans.
It won't be like before.
Plans? Let me guess, "going to get the band back together.
" Maybe.
You've been harping on that one since 1978.
Always living for yesterday.
You were never even any good.
We had a top 40 hit! You did not, you peeked at 52.
On stage and off.
We were 33 in New Zealand.
Well, you would be wouldn't ye? Perfect music to shag sheep to.
I wrote that song for you, you know? "Easy lady"?! Stevie picked the title.
Do you remember when we first heard it on the radio? Yes.
We were in the van, just you and me Pulled over, opened all the doors and danced together on the side of the road Didn't even notice the rain.
We spent the next two days in bed with the flu.
Best two days of my life.
I don't expect out and out forgiveness I know I don't deserve it Just want the chance to try.
We were good together, once.
Tell me we weren't.
I made a mistake.
So did I.
Seven years ago I really wanted to cut your bollocks off, and I didn't.
There And just for the record, I've already started again, thank you very much.
Aaah, that took me back.
I just don't understand it You'd think Peter would have turned up at least.
He's got that thing, with his foot.
Yeah, but they give you special shoes for that.
Oi, shift it will you? I've got to get in there.
Why? Clearing out the offices.
What are you doing? It's a protest.
It's not much of one is it? Come on, Barry, it's over.
We did everything we could.
Barry? Hello, what you doing here? I was just over the road, figured you'd be clocking off.
Thought you might fancy going out for a bit, couple of drinks? Girlie catch-up? Pillow fights? Ghost stories? Awww, I'd love to, me and Dan got a bit of a night planned, though.
Speak of the devil.
Hello.
What are you wearing? I've got the whole evening planned out, a candlelit meal in the kitchen, glass of wine in the lounge Then on to the bedroom, you and that silky little number from Christmas, me and my Dad? All right? I thought you were going to talk to him 'I did talk to him!' Nah, forget it! 'Look, hang on a minute.
' I'm going to be late.
'What do you mean?' I'm going out With Kim.
'Lisa!' Come on, Barry, you've made your point.
Come on get up.
Think of your back.
My back's fine.
Barry.
I have not just spent Ј500 on an orthopaedic mattress for you to take 40 winks on a piece of tarmac.
You'll be no good at all tomorrow.
I need this, Sue.
I need to know I can make one last defiant stand against time before I give in and roll on into old age altogether.
I don't think you'll ever do that.
I should have seen it, this was never about saving the ice-rink, was it? Oi! I'm done messing about here now, if you don't get that senile old coot Hey! What did you just say? I called him a senile old coot.
Guess it's just us then? You looking at the album again? Oh! Goodness! Is it time already? Where does the day go? You're OK, bit early.
I'd never seen him look happier than he does in these photos.
Right come on, you, we'd best shake a leg.
How do I look? Like a librarian.
Is that good? Is it ever good to look like a librarian? Not really.
I know what you're trying to do But these days, whenever I play, I like to think it's for Dad.
And this This is Dad's Bianca.
This is who I want on the touch-line.
Side line.
Just testing you! Go on, we've still got five minutes.
Are you sure I won't embarrass you? Of course you will! Just like Mum when she drove me to my first date.
"Round the corner," I said, but noooo Right out front.
And she insisted on a goodbye kiss.
Embarrassing kids is all part of being a mum.
You all do it.
I won't go too colourful, I promise.
I thought at least Lisa would show.
Can't help thinking that might in some way be my fault! She told you then? About what happened? You kissed her.
Technically she kissed me, but, er, lets not split hairs.
She kissed you? Totally unprovoked, I bet, as well? Does happen from time to time.
Yeah, right Oh, it was a nightmare and I was leathered as well, as usual.
Had a lovely time though What's this? We're having a drink, aren't we? Come on.
It's me she's fucked off with at the moment, not you.
That's why she's not here, that's why she's out somewhere with her new best bosom buddy instead.
Why? What have you done? Yes! Thank you! That's what I want to know, what have I done? It's not like I tried to kiss her, is it? I mean, there was last new years but we were very You were very what? Jesus, don't stop there, it was just getting good! Sure.
Oh, my God.
I've been past that door, like, a hundred times and I never knew this was here, I thought it was a sex shop.
Hi, Tony, you all right? It's just me and a guest.
Good to see you, Kimberly.
Nice table up top.
Take your jackets? Oh, thank you.
Thanks.
Would your guest like to see the drinks list? No, I think we'll both go for the Fireman's Lift, please.
You'll like it.
You know what? I think I will.
Not got any beers in? No.
Sorry.
I'll pick some up if you like? Still got that money Yeah, OK, I don't know.
If you want.
Back in a bit.
Apparently so.
Lisa? 'No, love it's me.
I've been trying to reach her' 'Not there then?' No.
She's out.
Somewhere.
'Oh dear Well Are you busy?' I mean, I'm 36-years-old and I've got, like four friends to show for it.
One of them's claiming their pension and the other one's not even talking to me.
Where have I gone wrong, Jack? Five friends.
Unless I don't count.
No, you count.
There you go, things are looking up already.
Stop focusing on the negative, and think of all your good qualities.
Why don't you tell me about all my good qualities You're intelligent funny successful Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Get to the one I want to hear, please.
You're erm beautiful.
That's the one! Told you it happens, didn't I? I should go.
See you tomorrow.
Thanks for picking us up, Dan.
Hey! # I fought the law and the law won! I fought the law and the Hey, come on.
Thank you.
All right, cock.
What's wrong with him? No! He's crying! Because he was asleep and you woke him up.
What do you want? To see my son.
I've already said no.
Just Go away.
I've applied for a contact order.
You what? From now on all access will be determined by an impartial representative, subject to a full background check.
What are you going on about? You can no longer, legally, keep me from my boy.
Well We'll see what your wife's got to say about it then, won't we? Go ahead.
Got her on speed-dial, hashtag three I've already told her.
Everything.
And guess what? She forgave me.
You can expect a letter from my solicitor.
They put us in handcuffs and everything, didn't they, love? Yes.
And we had to share a cell with one of these "hoodies".
What was his name was again? "Damage".
That were it He was a lovely lad.
I think he were from Leeds.
Oh, but Dan, you should have seen us, they practically had to drag us off.
You do know, don't you, Barry? That they still will close the ice-rink.
Ah, we're not picking out our tombstones just yet, my flower.
Oh no! There's plenty of other adventures out there for us.
Dan, where did you say Lisa was? I've never been to a place like this in my life.
I mean, its just so I mean, isn't it? Yes.
It's very so.
I'm glad you're having a nice time.
Are you kidding? It's amazing, I can't thank you enough I'll order another couple of those cocktails, eh? Yeah, I'll be out in a minute You've got rats? Of the clipboard and court order variety.
Slapper! It's good to see you.
We have a club team you know? Do you think you might be interested in joining? Lisa tells me you're a plumber.
Yeah I He runs his own business.
Don't you, Dan? I'm so sorry.
Just started at the office this week.
She did tell you, right? Yeah, yeah, course she did.
You must be the young professional male! Chris will do.