Offspring (2010) s02e03 Episode Script

To Darcy and Geraldine getting remarried.
I haven't spent this much unbroken time with your father since the mid-'90s.
It's inhumane.
Geraldine and I will have a toddler in the house again.
I first saw her two weeks ago crying under a palm tree in Cabo San Juan.
Jimmy and me are in love! I got called in to the fertility police.
Got my results.
And? We just found out I've got dud sperm.
They won't swim, OK? We've got to do IVF.
We'll just take one of them and inject it into her egg.
Ohh.
She's got bruises all over her back.
Is everything alright? You tell me, mate.
What? Could he be any more desperate to get into your pants? What? You knocked me out the first second I saw you.
And every day it just gets more and more intense.
Oh, that was a sex dream about my registrar.
Not an appropriate dream.
Not helpful.
Not all that surprising, either.
He's excellent fantasy fodder.
Very convincing lips.
So there's an attraction there.
So what? Just because you have a sex dream about someone doesn't mean you should actually have sex with them.
Of course, he did actually kiss me.
I can't pretend it didn't happen.
Can I? No.
A kiss like that requires a response.
You need to nip this in the bud ASAP.
You can't get serious about a student.
For God's sake, you're a professional woman! Oh! Good morning.
Oh, good morning.
- Oh, sorry to barge in.
If I don't go straight after sex, I get cystitis every single time.
Oh! That was just too much skin, too much eye contact, Jim? - Mm-hm? Uh, look, you need to find a place.
I know.
I will.
It's just taking a little bit longer than what I thought it would.
And I really want to find a decent place this time, because I know I've never really given a stuff before.
Well You remember that place with the toilet in the kitchen? I can't ask Tammy to live with a toilet in the kitchen, can I? Well I'm really crazy about this girl, Neens.
OK, OK.
A few more weeks.
On one condition.
- Anything.
When I'm in the apartment, in fact, even when I'm not, could you both please, PLEASE go to the trouble of putting some pants on? I am wearing pants.
Hi, Dad.
Morning, love.
Got a minute? - Oh, not really.
I just need a hand to organise a little surprise for your mother.
I want you to knock up a speech commemorating the 1980s.
Sorry? Well, I've decided to build a monument to your mother, with a series of speeches commemorating each of our four decades together as husband and wife.
Why? For the recommitment dinner.
Ohh, Dad.
No.
You'll be doing the '80s, Billie's doing the '70s, Jimmy's doing the '90s, and I'm going to handle the noughties.
Oh, I'm a bit flat out at the moment, Dad.
Love, your mum won't let me do anything else.
Please? Alright, alright.
I'll see what I can do.
Thanks, love.
Oh, and I'll need you to bring a cheese platter.
I don't want your mum to lift a finger.
OK.
Bye.
Hi, Mum.
- Oh, Nina.
It's your father.
I know he's up to something and I know you kids are involved.
I just don't understand why no-one seems to care what I want.
Well, what DO you want, Mum? Oh, I don't know.
I don't know.
Well, maybe we should cancel the dinner altogether.
Oh, it's not just about the dinner, sweetheart.
I just can't deal with Darcy's Oh, OK, I'm not the one who needs to be hearing this.
I've been trying to find the right time to talk to him and I just well, I'm terrified that if I tell him how I feel, he's going to have another heart attack and die.
Mum, you're still a very attractive and and vital woman, but I don't think another rejection from you is actually going to kill him.
Oh, hello.
Um, Billie Proudman, 9:00.
Please, take a seat.
Thanks.
Hi.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
So, we load the IVF injection pen swab the area Mm-hm.
Check the dose, make sure the end's pulled out and The idea is to make the whole process as comfortable as possible, so it's entirely up to you whether you would like your husband to administer the injections or you might prefer to self-inject.
OK.
Swab the area.
Grab yourself a handful.
Good.
Beautiful.
Just like that, once a day.
And with any luck, within 12 to 14 days, we'll be harvesting those eggs.
Good.
Easy.
- OK.
Well done.
OK, time for a calm discussion with Fraser.
We establish professional boundaries.
It might not be easy, but it's what ought to happen.
Sex dream! He doesn't know he was my sex dream.
Good morning.
- Check this out! Top.
- Tail.
Hurt.
- Locker.
Lie.
- Down.
How freaky is that? I don't know, Kim.
Is it moderately freaky? What what are you doing? It's this word association thing that Renee made me do.
It's like a personality test.
It's meant to reveal your inner workings or some crap.
These two - separated at birth.
Well, as long as you're doing something productive.
Why don't you have a go? No, I don't want to.
No, come on.
Just do a couple.
- No.
It'll teach you something about yourself.
Just say the first thing that comes into your head.
OK.
Slut face? OK, ready? Yellow.
Coldplay.
Jaundice.
It's OK.
There's no wrong answer.
Um glass.
House.
- Ceiling.
Oh, OK.
No, one more, one more, one more.
- Sleep.
- Over.
Oh, please! That's fascinating, Kim.
We all enjoyed that little insight.
Shall we? Situation? There's no situation.
Is that? - The wife-beater? Yeah, I think it is.
Has his wife been readmitted? - No.
Unless she's in Emergency.
Maybe he's filed a complaint.
- Filed a complaint! I didn't do anything.
No-one did.
Unless disapproving of an arsehole is grounds for complaint.
Can we I just Can we go in Um I just l just wanted to touch base.
About yesterday.
With you and me and the On When we were at The kiss? - Yeah.
The kiss thing.
Yeah.
I don't think it can happen again.
OK.
It's not that I didn't enjoy it.
I did.
Enough to bring on a sex dream.
I find you really attractive.
And perhaps if it was under different circumstances, things could be different.
But I'm in a position of responsibility here.
You're my registrar.
And it's not it's not just about our professional relationship.
It's about priorities and timing.
He understands.
I'm handling this well.
So - So I I don't think we should get to know each other.
In a naked capacity.
"In a naked capacity"?! OK.
- OK.
Fantastic.
I'm really glad we've cleared the air.
Just for the record, I would never take advantage of my personal feelings for you in a professional context.
Good.
Nipped in the bud.
So why do I feel a little disappointed? I don't know what women carry on about.
I've had more pain from a paper cut.
I need you to feel good about this.
- I'm trying.
It's it's just difficult for me to sit here and watch you go through all this shit.
It didn't even hurt.
Well were you even paying attention to the side effects? - Dry hair and skin.
- Ooh! I'll use a moisturiser.
Uh diarrhoea.
Nausea.
Abdominal swelling.
It's what we want.
It's called pregnancy.
OK.
Alright.
Difficulty breathing.
Chest pain.
How do hormone injections even lead to chest pain? And it's not guaranteed.
You go through all of this for nothing.
Because of me.
- I only want a kid because of you.
And I know this is hard for you.
But I'm telling you, I can do this.
I can't do anything without you I can't do anything with you You drive me crazy but I love you You make me lazy but I love you I want to hit you but then I kiss you Want to kill you but then I'd miss you You drive me crazy but I love you You make me lazy but I Owwww! Ow! Ow! It really hurt! - What did I do? What are you doing? - Sorry.
Stop watching me all the time! Just give me some space! Please? At least I'm not still asking you to sing.
I hardly even remember the '70s.
I was a baby, for God's sake.
And the stuff I DO remember, Mum would probably rather forget.
Stop looking at me.
Look Nina's doing the '80s and Jimmy's going to do the '90s.
Dad, this is possibly the worst idea you've ever had.
I'm including that time you got Mum a female stripper for her birthday.
That wasn't her birthday.
That was our anniversary.
Dad, my point is this speech idea sucks big-time.
It's as lame as it is potentially humiliating.
But if it's all you've got, I'll do it, OK? Is that it? I'll need you to make a salad.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You just need to make up your mind.
That's the problem.
I can't make sense of my feelings at all.
I look at him and I think he's everything I could ever ask for.
And then other times, I just want to punch him in the face.
That's not normal, is it? - Oh, no.
Oh, probably.
OK, I think we just need to break it down a little.
Give me something specific.
- OK.
He walks around in his Y-fronts all the time.
Not just some of the time.
ALI the time.
We should have chicken every bloody night.
And he chews with his mouth open.
That's good.
And he talks while he's chewing.
He does this thing when he looks at his glass at what's in his glass, every single time he takes a sip.
I don't understand while anyone feels the need to do that.
I think we need to dig a little deeper.
Oh, there might be, um problems with fireworks in the sack.
Oh Do you remember the last time you felt fireworks? Oh, n No.
Not really.
Anyway, we're talking about you and Sam, not me.
Yeah, we WERE talking about me and Sam, but now we're talking about the fact that you are lying about not being able to remember fireworks.
No, I'm not.
No.
I'm OK.
I'm, um I may have accidentally kissed Fraser quite hard on the mouth.
Nice.
- No, not nice! It's not Well, yeah, it was.
Oh, it was so nice! But it's it's inappropriate and it's never going to happen again.
Why not? - Because he's my registrar.
Oh, for God's sake, stop thinking so much and just have a crack at living for a minute.
Do I not know how to live? I'm just saying that you can't underestimate the importance of fireworks.
Maybe she's right.
It's just this tiny shadow here.
So she was very lucky that we caught it when we did.
God, that would have been so easy to miss.
You really can't be too cautious, can you? II may have overthought the situation between us somewhat.
You're overthinking right now.
We're both adults.
And and I have a tendency to be overly cautious.
Not professionally, of course, but personally.
And maybe if we set a few boundaries, you and I could go out for a drink or a meal or s-something.
Sometime.
Away from work.
Are you asking me on a date? I think so.
Um, a date with boundaries.
I don't know what that means.
I don't know what that means either.
What kind of boundaries? - Standard boundaries.
Mmm.
I think as long as we take one step at a time, one very discreet step at a time.
And I think it's important that we don't have any expectations.
Sounds like fun.
Pick a dress without thinking.
That's the way.
There's no ethical barriers in this situation.
Male doctors date their registrars all the time.
Hey.
Mick's making me call because I can't stop drinking and scratching.
And farting.
- And farting.
OK.
I know they're normal symptoms.
But my GIRLFRIEND thinks I shouldn't be feeling this shit this quickly, so I'm putting you on speaker so you can tell him I'm fine.
She shouldn't be feeling this shit this quickly.
Is it just the farting and scratching or And drinking water.
- Constantly.
And I feel fat.
And I have had a little diarrhoea since this morning.
Oh.
A LITTLE diarrhoea? Is that it? - Well, isn't that enough? Any chest pain? - Nah.
Um, any difficulty breathing? Has your wee changed colour? Nah.
Nah.
OK, well, the thirst, the dry skin and the diarrhoea are all normal.
See? What did I tell you? But everyone's different.
So you have to keep a close eye on your symptoms.
And if it gets any worse, you have to go to the fertility clinic and get an ultrasound, OK? OK.
And, Billie? Don't be a hero.
If it does get worse, don't muck around.
OK, thanks, Neens.
See? All normal.
You big girl.
She's handling it really well, I think.
I mean Yes, there's been some fairly pronounced mood swings.
Physically it's knocking her around a lot, but her attitude Whose attitude? - Yours.
What about my attitude? Mick was just telling us how well you're handling IVF.
Is that right? - Yeah.
My aunty did IVF.
She had a problem with her eggs.
Apparently, they, like, malfunction after 35.
And she didn't even decide she wanted kids till she was, like, 36.
So she did IVF and now she's got three kids under three.
She had triplets.
Aren't they gorgeous? Yeah.
- Look.
Yeah, it's a lot of work, though.
Mum reckons she would have slit her wrists by now if she didn't have a cleaner and a nanny.
Look.
Look at that one.
Quiet dinner.
No expectations.
Just because you kissed someone and then had dinner with them doesn't mean you're going to sleep with them.
Hi.
Hey.
Wow.
Oh, thanks.
Wow.
This is really nice.
Wow.
You look gorgeous.
Oh, just I didn't have that much Thanks.
So do you.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, thanks.
I, um, actually put in a lot of effort.
Really? - Yeah.
I used balm.
Balm? Mmm.
Balm, yeah.
'Cause I really wanted to impress you.
Is it is it working? - Yeah, I think it is.
Mmm.
Thank you.
A date with boundaries but not too much thinking.
I can do this.
I AM doing it.
It's amazing.
- Amazing.
Did I oversell that? - No.
No.
Can I have some of yours? - Mmm.
Just because you feed a forkful of luscious dessert to a man doesn't mean you're going to sleep with him.
Oh, who am I kidding? I can do this.
I can do this.
Do you, um do you want a drink? No.
Oh, I can SO do this! Ow! What's wrong? - You just hit me in the head.
Did I? Sorry.
I was asleep.
Sam.
- Mm-hm? I've got an early start in the morning.
Come on.
Mmm Sam! I've got to go to sleep.
How are we going to make beautiful babies if you just keep falling asleep? 'Night.
Oh! Ooh! What? Oh! You alright? Oh.
Oh.
- Neens.
Hi.
- Who's your friend? Fraser.
This is my my brother Jimmy and his girlfriend, Tammy.
This this is Fraser.
G'day.
Fraser, is it? Mmm, mmm.
- Oh, yeah.
Uh Jimmy.
Jimmy.
Hi.
- Hey, Jimmy.
Tammy.
- Tammy, hey.
Hey.
Should I have asked Fraser to put pants on? Is this right? Are you abusing your position as his teacher? Are you abusing your authority? Maybe you should stop this now.
But no.
Don't think.
Just live.
You'd better be dying.
I've been shitting through the eye of a needle and throwing up all night, and now my my guts feel like they're gonna pop and now my wee's gone funny.
I thought I could handle it.
I don't think I can, Neens.
OK.
I think I'm dying.
When did you notice it change colour? Last time I weed.
- And when was that? Like, an hour ago, maybe two.
Is that bad? Should I be weeing more? No.
Everything's going to be fine, Billie.
We just need to get an ultrasound and see what's happening, OK? OK.
Why didn't you call me earlier? Did did you call me earlier? Oh, my God! - What? You've had sex! - I Oh, you! And not just any sex - you've had deathbed sex.
Oh, what the hell's deathbed sex? Sex that's so good it flashes before your eyes on your deathbed.
Feeling better now, are you? - No.
But at least there's something else to focus on now.
OK, so, that should take effect pretty quickly, and then Dr.
Samir will be right with you, OK? Mm-hm.
OK.
So, how long's Oh.
- Mmm.
Oh, that's good shit, isn't it? - It is.
I can't focus.
So, do I know him? No.
- Is he hot? Yes.
Just tell me what made it so good.
- No, I don't really want to.
Are w-w-we talking quality or quantity? What? Girth or technique? Billie.
What, did you did you did you use some props, or? Or watched a little bit of porn? - What? No! Porn? No, it was just very honest, good, communicative sex, OK? Communic? What, like dirty talk? Oh! Oh, my God! You! - Shh, shh, shh.
- Shh! What did he say? No.
I don't want to Oh, I can't believe I missed your call.
I was digging a hole and I Hey, Micky.
Ohh.
- Hi.
She's OK.
- Is she? Yeah.
She's off her face.
- Right.
OK, what we're looking at here is ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, or OHSS, which basically means your ovaries are hyperstimulated.
That's quite an uncommon reaction and it can be very serious, even fatal, but we've caught it really early so there should be no long-term damage to your ovaries at all.
What does all that mean? It means we need to stop the treatments immediately.
I'm just gonna Good.
Can can we try again? What we need to focus on first is getting you back up and running.
OK? I'll be back shortly.
- Thanks.
Hang on.
What what just happened? Is that doctor code for 'I'm fucked'? No, no.
That's doctor code for 'everything's gonna be absolutely fine'.
Who has overachieving ovaries, for Christ's sakes? I've never overachieved at anything in my entire life, and now, what, my ovaries are exploding? No, your ovaries are not exploding.
Best way to get them back to normal is just to rest, OK? Everything's gonna be fine.
I promise.
I'm gonna leave you in your girlfriend's capable hands.
Hey, Neens? Don't don't tell Mum or Dad.
Or Jimmy.
I don't want to deal with them fussing over nothing, 'cause it's just another step, right? Yeah.
It's just another step.
Bye.
Why did you promise Billie that everything would be fine? You can't make promises like that.
No-one can.
What if everything's not fine? In addition to the OHSS, your symptoms also suggest a degree of chemical toxicity.
Doesn't sound good.
- No.
No, it's not good, I'm afraid.
It takes us into very dangerous territory indeed.
Your body's basically rejected the drugs.
So when we try again, are there different drugs? I'm afraid not.
What? So that's it? Given your circumstances - the low sperm count and the OHSS I'm afraid that that that's it.
It won't be possible for the two of you to conceive a child together.
I'm so sorry.
It's not your fault.
It's no-one's fault.
Well, strictly speaking, that's not true.
If my balls weren't retarded, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
It's not just your balls.
- No.
It's a specific combination of my underachieving balls and your overachieving eggs.
Do you think it's a sign from God? We don't believe in God, remember? We believe in science.
And? Elbow grease.
And? Each other.
We don't have to go to this thing tonight.
Yeah, we do.
Everyone will understand.
- I don't want everyone to understand.
I don't want anyone to know.
Not yet.
OK? OK.
OK, this is awkward.
Of course it's awkward.
Morning.
He's seen you from angles you can't even see yourself.
But you can do this.
You can be nude before your student and still look him in the eye.
Or not.
Uh, this is slightly uncomfortable, but um - Yeah, well, it doesn't have to be.
I know this is complicated, Nina, but if you want this to stay between us, then I'll make sure it does.
OK.
I'm just It's probably not my best ever, but it's pretty close.
I tried something a bit different this time.
Just a few drops of vanilla.
But before you say anything Sam No, it's only a few drops.
You'll barely be able to taste it.
I need to talk to you.
I'm all ears.
I've been thinking.
A lot.
About you and I.
And I'm trying to work out why I feel so confused.
About everything.
I care for you a lot, Sam.
I love you, but I'm not in love with you.
And I can't give you what you need.
A female obstetrician has been suspended after a former male student today filed sexual harassment charges against her.
Dr Nina Proudman faces numerous allegations including harassment, coercion and sexual abuse.
Oh.
Thought you were gone.
- What?! Oh, um I am.
I'm going going now.
Don't forget your cheese board.
Shit.
I forgot to get more cheese.
Hang on.
How did Zara know I needed Fraser told me to remind you.
God, he's only been here half an hour and he's already got your number, hasn't he? She's fishing.
She's knows nothing.
Say nothing.
Walk away.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm walking away.
Ooh! Ooh! Hi.
- Hey.
I'm just, um, on my way out.
I was just going to a family dinner.
Yeah? Well, don't let me hold you up.
I'll see you tomorrow, yeah? Fraser.
Thank you.
Thanks for this.
Yeah, well, it's, uh, the least I could do.
Oh! You OK? Not really.
Oh, love.
No.
I love you.
I love you.
But I don't want to marry you again.
I don't want to be your wife anymore.
I want to be your friend.
And maybe even occasionally your lover.
But I What's this? Just We just missed our time somehow.
Well, I missed our time, didn't I? You could wear it on your right hand.
- No.
Or, uh maybe like a necklace.
Perhaps you should just sell it and buy yourself a new car.
Well, new scooter.
Ta.
Oh.
Mum? I have no idea where she is.
Ooh.
That is just unnecessary and wrong.
Ooh! All I remember about the '70s is It's not that common, you know.
I mean I just think it is so romantic.
Oh, thanks.
That's sweet.
And I think you look amazing for your age.
Oh, well, I It's hard to believe those boobs have been through three kids.
Whoa.
- Oh! Um Really amazing.
Right.
Mmm, I'm fine.
No, thanks.
Hey, Dad, about my speech - I Oh, yeah.
About that - I hope you haven't gone to too much trouble.
Oh, no.
Actually, I haven't - Oh, good, good.
Because we don't think we're going to worry about it anymore.
Oh.
Really? - Nah.
I'll I'll explain later.
Just do me a favour and let Billie and Jimmy know.
Mmm.
I'm going to hop into some of that blue vein before Billie eats it all.
Yeah, exactly.
- What? You're eating all the cheese.
- I'm not.
Hey, are you feeling alright? - Mmm.
You sure? You seem a bit - I broke up with Sam.
What?! Oh, Cherie, I'm sorry.
- I just broke up with Sam.
Oh, Cherie.
I know something that'll cheer you up.
Nina has been having sex.
With? Yes, I have.
With an actual person.
Um, but if it's OK with the rest of the group, I'd really prefer not to talk about it.
Thanks, Billie.
Hey, Jimmy? Jimmy, we don't have to do speeches anymore.
Cool.
Did you even bother? Yeah.
I knocked up a little haiku.
It's a traditional form of Japanese poetry.
Yeah, I know what a haiku is.
- Give her an example, babe.
I know what a bloody haiku is.
It's easier to understand when she gives you an example.
"Furu I ke ya "Kawazu tobikomu "Mizu no oto.
" Loose translation "Old pond A frog jumps in "Water sound.
" Wow.
- It's pretty powerful stuff.
It's a shame I won't get to do mine.
What do you mean? The speeches have been canned.
Well, someone has to say something.
Um, excuse me, can I just have everyone's attention, please? Mmm.
I'd like to say a few words.
Um um and propose a toast.
To Darcy and Geraldine.
For for beating unbelievable odds.
And still being in love and ready to commit to each other all over again after 40 years.
To the Proudman family.
To the Proudman family.
- The Proudman family.
The Proudman Family.
Mmm.
Well.
Thank you, um, Tammy, for those heartfelt words.
I actually want to Well, no.
Actually, Darcy and I, uh, wanted to let you all know something um, that we've come to a decision.
Darling? Oh.
Thanks, sweetheart.
Well, uh, we wanted you all to be here with us today to celebrate our love, and, um and the fact that we're all a family.
And, uh Well, um there's been a slight shifting of the goalposts, hasn't there, love? Yeah.
Uh, as you know, um your mother and I have, um, had a complicated relationship over the years.
But we do love each other very much.
Very, very much.
Mmm.
So much that we've decided to let each other go.
Go where? Your father and I are finally going to get a divorce! Oh, darling.
Oh.
Oh.
We want you all to know that we love you very much, and nothing is going to change.
I mean, we're still a family and we're always going to be a family.
Does this mean Dad won't be picking us up from school anymore? You should have bitten the divorce bullet years ago.
It would have saved us a whole lot of scarring.
So, good on you for having the balls to do it now.
Better late than never.
- Congratulations? - Congratulations.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you, darlings.
A whole new chapter, eh? To new chapters.
Speaking of new chapters, uh now is probably as good a time as ever Any.
- Any.
Uh, Mother, brace yourself.
I've asked Tammy to marry me.
And she said yes.
Oh! Sorry.
Oh, what a shame.
I have to go.
As usual.
It's been a lovely day.
That's This is It's wonderful.
- Oh.
Oh.
Ooh, wow.
Ella Attard, 33 years of age.
Textbook first labour.
Approaching 6cm.
She's doing really well.
We're just waiting on the epidural.
Everything's more or less under control.
Yes.
I can be a professional woman and have fireworks.
Why not? Deep breaths.
There you go.
Ah, you're doing a fantastic job, Ella.
The anaesthetist will be here any moment.
Oh! Oh, Dr Nina Proudman, Dr Fraser King, this is Dr Patrick Reid, new anaesthetist.
Sorry? S-sorry? Dr.
Patrick Reid.
New anaesthetist.
Hello again.
Hello.
- Good.
Good.
Good.