One Tree Hill s02e03 Episode Script

Previously on One Tree Hill: Were you thinking about college? - It can wait.
- For what? He's in shock now that you're officially off the market.
- It's true, Dim.
Haley's preggers.
- Brooke! The Phoenix effect isn't uncommon in cardiac patients.
They grow remorseful, introspective, sometimes even joyous.
I've decided to run the dealership for Dan.
You've given up a lot for Dan.
He doesn't deserve a brother like you.
Actually, he deserves better.
We were two lonely people together for one night.
No one else needs to know.
Don't be a stranger, okay? - You and Haley still married? - Yeah, she hasn't thrown me out, yet.
We can take the cameras, put them out people can take pictures for the wedding wall.
I will not give you my blessing for destroying my son's life or, and you can trust me on this, your own: I remember the person that you used to be.
Why not just be him again? Would you ask Lucas to drop by? I'd really like to see your brother.
I think it needs to come down on the left some.
- No, it's gotta come down on the right.
- Our left is your right.
Then why are we arguing? Nathan, what do you think? Thai, Mexican? Chinese is always good.
Tim, you just ate.
How is it possible you're still hungry? I'm not ordering food.
I'm ordering strippers.
What? You guys got married so fast, I got screwed out of being the best man.
And I am not getting screwed out of a bachelor party.
I was going to be the best man, right? - He's like a dog with a bone, Hales.
- Great.
Let's get him neutered.
Come on, Haley.
It's just a stripper.
It's harmless fun.
You know, Tim's right.
See? Fun! Yes, but so much more fun when you haven't seen it before.
Nice.
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
Haley, let the boys have their fun.
Besides, what's good for the goose is even better for you.
They can have their little testosterone-fest ogle some dial-a-date.
And you get to have a bridal shower and rake in loot from all the guests.
This is so a fair trade.
I so don't need loot.
- Okay, Sunny Hill Lodge? - It's kitschy.
So is this thing.
No.
That is a bridal shower code red.
I'm on it.
- I'm glad you came, Son.
- You wanted to see me? Yes, I did.
I want to do something I should have done a long time ago.
I want to apologize to you and to your mother.
I'm sorry, Lucas, for everything.
- You okay? - I went to go see Dan.
- I'm not gonna hide from him, you know.
- Yeah, I know.
- How did it go? - He freaked me out.
What did he say this time? That he was sorry.
You know, the scary part was that it seemed like he meant it.
Do you want me to go talk to him, maybe go see him with you? No.
I'm okay.
I'm just not gonna run from him anymore.
Sometimes you just gotta let it go.
You could've told me about the strippers, instead of ambushing Haley with it.
- You knew about it.
- I knew you were talking about it.
I didn't know you were gonna order them in front of my wife.
Did you get married or castrated? Fine.
You want me to cancel the stripper, tell the boys it's off? - No.
- See you're just as excited as I am.
I know you, man.
Whatever.
You're telling me this girl shows up, all hot and willing, you wouldn't go there? - Tim, I'm married.
- Right.
Keep telling yourself that.
But that ring doesn't erase your past, Nate.
Some of us still remember who you used to be.
Parts department, pick up line four.
Looking sharp.
You settling in okay? Typical Dan.
He did everything himself.
Never let anyone help him with the big stuff.
- Anything I can do to help? - Yeah.
You can come back and work for me, like old times.
What do you say? Well, I would say, "Thank you," but I don't know.
It might be a little strange getting a check with Dan's name on it.
No.
Actually, it feels pretty good.
Well, the job's yours if you want it.
Thanks, Keith.
You know, I'll let you get back to work.
That's exactly what I've been avoiding.
I have to get Dan's signature on these, and despite my best efforts I'm all out of excuses not to.
Are you guys still having problems? Actually, no.
I don't know what drugs they're pumping him full of, but he's kind of - polite.
- Yeah, I know what you mean.
I didn't think that we'd be able to put aside our differences like you and Nathan have.
But who knows? Maybe they'll keep him medicated.
This is Keith.
Okay.
I'll be right there.
I gotta run.
You know, if you want - I can take those papers to the hospital.
- Are you sure? Yeah.
No problem.
- All right.
I'll see you.
- Okay.
- Need some help? - Nope.
Just straightening up for your party.
Haley, you don't need to.
It's just the guys.
They've seen it like this.
In fact, they made it like this.
I don't mind.
Besides, if we're gonna have a skanky ho in the place at least it should look nice.
I'm kidding.
Sort of.
Maybe.
Haley, this bachelor party is more for Tim than it is for me, okay? He's threatened by the fact that Lucas threw us a reception so this is his way of proving he's still my best friend.
Yeah, what's next? Lap dances for world peace? I'm not all tweaked about your shower.
It's a bridal shower, Nathan! It's gonna be the most boring thing ever.
Your shower is going to totally kill.
- Normally, killing is not good, so - Nope, but this time it is.
Eyes forward.
What's that for? Don't worry about it.
Leave the shower to me.
I'm gonna teach Haley James, Scott whoever you are right now, how to have some serious fun.
Tomorrow night, I'm Tutor Girl.
Hey.
Hi, Karen.
You look fantastic.
It's a whole new you.
Yeah.
Thanks.
So how are things going at the dealership? Good.
I think it's gonna be okay.
Good.
You know what? I better be getting back.
See you around.
Okay.
Good to see you, Lucas.
Keith needs some signatures from you.
Portable x-ray to nurse's station Four West.
You know, I was thinking.
My doctor's putting me through cardiovascular rehab.
I thought you might like to join me.
So you want to be workout buddies? It would be a good chance to spend time together, get to know you.
You had my whole life to do that.
Well, life's given me a second chance.
Maybe you will, too.
Do you think we'd even be having this conversation if you weren't on the outs with Nathan? That's not it.
But I understand your trepidation.
I know I haven't exactly given you a lot of reasons to trust me in the past.
Look, would you do me a favor, and put a copy of this in the lockbox in my bottom desk drawer? There's a key taped underneath the drawer.
Yeah.
Lucas.
You might not trust me, but I trust you.
My nose is starting to itch.
- All right.
- Hi.
Am I interrupting something? - Hi, Haley.
- Hi.
This is some weird guy thing I'm never gonna understand, right? - Pretty much.
- Great.
Well, at least I came to the right place.
Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah.
We gotta go get eggs anyway.
- Let's roll.
- Eggs? So what's up? Yo, Fergie! Sorry.
How about you roll me down the street, and see if you can hit me on the fly? So you know about this whole bachelor party thing, right? Haley, look.
It's just goofy guy stuff, okay? I know.
I just wish he'd done his goofy guy stuff before we got married.
He would have if you'd have gotten married 10 years from now.
Joking.
Sorry.
Would you just look after him? I'll tell you what.
I will sacrifice myself and go to the bachelor party to take care of Nathan.
You're so heroic.
Thank you.
Check it out.
We got these trash cans set up like bowling pins, right? So I figure we just gonna roll Mouth's squirrelly little ass right on into them.
I so got next.
Medication will treat the symptoms but the best treatment for you now is a radical lifestyle change.
So we're gonna put you on a physical therapy regimen and you can start that as soon as you're released the day after tomorrow.
So what are we talking about, Doc? Weights? Treadmill? More like some stretching, short walks.
You have to understand, Dan.
You're looking at a long road back.
And the road is called the rest of your life.
The hospital gave me the name of their best physical therapist.
And there's also a nurse who can move in with you at the beach house.
I want to come home, Deb.
- Dude, smell me.
- Dude, kiss my ass.
Seriously, I want to smell nice for the talent that's coming over later.
- Tim, just say "the stripper.
" - Fine, the stripper.
All right, which one makes me smell available? I've got Flesh on this side and this French stuff on this side.
- That's not mine.
- Well it was in your bathroom.
Tim, what are you doing with my perfume? All right, I am off.
All the important numbers are by the phone: police, fire, pimps.
- Thanks for worrying about us.
- I'm not worried about you.
Have your fun.
Just remember you're married now.
She's here.
Stripper time.
It's just you.
Not the thrill it used to be? Hi.
Okay, I left some $1s on the counter, in case you don't have any change.
Don't spend it all in one place.
What's wrong with Dim? Don't take it personally.
He thought you were the stripper.
We prefer to be called exotic dancers.
Nice.
- Who the hell are you? - Where's the stripper? I cannot believe you rented this for my shower.
Brooke, this is crazy.
And by "crazy," she means, thank you.
Yeah, God.
Brooke, thank you.
I'm blown away by all this.
You're welcome.
I think someone feels a little guilty about the whole pregnancy rumor.
Well, water under the bridge.
- Forget the water.
Let's have champagne.
- Yes.
Champagne? How much is that gonna cost? Who cares? It's on my dad's credit card.
I don't know, you guys.
The last time I drank, I threw up in Dan's lap, and - Give it to me.
- That's my girl.
All right.
A toast to a nice, normal bridal shower.
To nice.
And normal.
- What's that? - It's just a nice and normal blindfold.
- For what? - For the nice, normal guest of honor.
- You sure you know this guy? - He works with me at Hot & Twisted.
- Great.
Even losers don't know me.
- Just read the damn quiz.
"When your boyfriend kisses you, he, A" - What the hell are you reading? - COSMOgirl! Keep going.
"When your boyfriend kisses you, he" "A: Looks deeply into your eyes.
" "B: Closes his eyes.
" "C: Cradles your head softly.
" "D: Unhooks your bra.
" It's D.
It's definitely D.
You go for the bra.
Now Tim, you realize you're supposed to be answering as a girl.
I know.
And I'd want a boyfriend who isn't afraid to go up my shirt.
- And hopefully someday you'll find him.
- Okay, this sucks.
What kind of bachelor party is this? No booze, no strippers.
I thought you guys had the best parties.
This is lame.
My brother's setting up the stripper, so we won't be disappointed.
I just hope the stripper's not a guy.
I remember the last time you were on stripper duty.
All right, I wasn't gonna crack this out until later, but what the hell.
Let's set the mood with a little something from my dad's porno stash.
I was up late one night and I heard my dad watching this.
- The chick in it goes absolutely nuts.
- Sweet.
Oh, honey.
Oh, baby.
- Tim, is that your mom? - Step mom.
- Dude, your mom's a slut! - Step mom.
- Can you see? - What is going on, you guys? What is this? This is a lingerie fashion show, girlie.
We figured since you're married now you need to wear something a little less conservative for Nathan.
Something a little more - Slutty.
- That's it.
No.
Hit it, girls.
Sugar and spice.
Look, that's cute.
Nice.
Go, Bevin.
Oh, my gosh.
Go, Charlotte.
- That's hot! - Very sexy.
Yeah, Theresa.
I call that red hot.
Okay.
How did you After all the money that I've spent in this place, they owed me a few favors.
Want some coffee? It's not the fancy competition, but I love your coffee, Karen.
You know that.
So it's not the coffee you're avoiding.
I'm just having a hard time being around you right now.
But before the proposal we were friends, Keith.
I mean, can't we at least try to go back to the way we were then? I don't think so.
You know, sometimes it's just better to move on.
Kind of like you did with Peyton's dad.
I haven't seen Larry in ages.
You know there's nothing there.
But even if there was, I mean, your idea of moving on Does it mean cutting me out of your life completely? I don't want to.
And I have to.
Haley, are you coming out, kitten? - I am not coming out.
- Come on out, Hales.
See, if you don't come out, then we're coming in.
- The schoolgirl look.
- I don't know.
Nathan Scott is going to blow a fuse when he sees you in this.
You guys, there is no way I can pull this off.
No.
Actually, I'd leave that up to Nathan, especially after our next stop.
Man, I still can't believe you pulled off this keg, dog.
Well, you can thank Brooke and the fake ID she made me.
- Tell the truth.
You get with that, or what? - A gentleman never tells.
- Man, that's just Mouth for "No.
" - Come on.
Are you seeing what I'm seeing? What is wrong with youth of America today? - Time to protect and serve.
- Let's go.
Okay, everybody.
This is a very important moment in our little Haley's life.
The moment when she becomes a woman at least, according to the State of North Dakota.
It's your very first fake ID.
Trudy Gill? I get it: Tutor Girl.
Why are we stopping? What do you mean it's going to take at least an hour to send somebody out? Let me explain to you the law of supply and demand: If I supply the credit card I get to demand that you get somebody out here to fix the car! - Brooke, I really I can just call Lucas.
- No! - I already tried.
His phone's off.
- All right.
Good.
There you go.
- What seems to be the trouble? - It's probably the engine.
- I see exactly what the trouble is.
- Great.
Can you fix it? Sure.
I've got a tool that can fix anything.
I am gonna kill you.
Nice performance, Cameron Diaz.
You, too, Gwyneth.
That's gotta be the stripper.
Sweet.
They're in costume.
Did my brother deliver, or what? We witnessed a keg being brought up to this apartment.
Are you boys of age? - In our prime.
- Let's see some ID.
Let's see some hot girl-on-girl.
Damn, these strippers are strong.
I can feel your breasts against my back.
Better yet, forget the keg.
Arrest the perv.
You're hurting me.
Does that cost extra? The moon roof.
- Officer, there's been a misunderstanding.
- He thought you were a stripper.
I can see your thong strap, Foxy Brown.
- Never mind.
- Yeah, take him.
I've never been so horny! Hey, its girls gone wild! Haley? Sorry, we're closed.
Is everything all right? Is Dan okay? The doctors are ready to release him.
- That's good news.
- Yeah.
Let me grab some coffee.
- Dan says he wants to come home.
- Let me grab some liquor.
I'm confused.
I thought the divorce went through.
Technically, no.
Dan had the heart attack before signing the papers.
While signing the papers, actually.
You know, Dan has a team of doctors who are taking care of him.
Who's taking care of you? Right now, whoever's name is on that bottle.
- Maybe the heart attack is a sign.
- It is a sign.
It's a sign that you've gotta stop doing what's best for Dan and start doing what's best for you.
Maybe it's moving on.
Maybe it's trying to put the pieces back together.
But either way, do it because it's right for you.
Come on! If I wanted a lap dance, I would have stayed home.
No, tonight's going to be a little different.
I rented out the back room and hired an instructor.
An instructor for what? Stripping is not just about taking your clothes off.
It's about getting in touch with your own body.
And once you do that, you're gonna find an inner confidence that you never had before.
I think you'll be amazed at just how empowering it is.
- Clearly.
- So where's Haley? She's not gonna go for this.
Haley, just take it nice and easy.
Show me the pole.
Haley! That's gonna leave a mark.
Oh, my God.
So, look.
I know we haven't taken the training wheels off this whole brother thing.
But I want to ask you something.
I went down to the dealership today - and I found some pictures.
- The ones of you in his desk.
You know about those? Yeah, it's part of the reason I hated you all those years.
He said he wants me to help him with his rehab.
And what did you say? I said I wouldn't be a stand-in Nathan.
- Night, man.
- Take it easy.
All right, guys.
Yeah, we should probably go bail Tim out.
- Looks like we got Timmed again.
- Yeah.
- You might as well head out, too, man.
- You sure? Yeah, don't worry about it.
You know what? Actually, I have something for you.
It's for your new job.
Keith needs some help at the dealership.
And he's a good boss and I figure it pays better than what you're making now, right? Thank you, man.
- Later.
- All right.
Hey, Lucas.
Look, I understand if you have to find out about Dan yourself.
Whatever you decide to do, it's not gonna affect you and me.
He's come between us before.
Let's just not let it happen again.
Thanks, man.
Excuse me, Miss Davis.
Your credit card's been declined.
Thank you.
Well, then.
Looks like we have a problem.
So what's your policy on IOUs? You must be Nathan.
I'm Simone.
Sorry I'm late.
No, that's okay.
But the party's actually over.
I don't think so.
The party's just getting started.
Wild night? More like a long night.
I hope it's not too late to give you your show.
Thanks, but it's okay.
You sure? I'm already paid for.
No, I think I'm good.
Or at least you're trying to be.
- It's fine.
I can call a cab to pick me up.
- Okay.
In the meantime I have an idea about what we can do while we wait.
I cannot believe my stupid parents didn't pay their credit card bill.
We've got $140 in cash at most.
So what are we going to do? - I'm going to take care of it.
- How? A little negotiation.
Brooke, you cannot talk your way out of a $1,000 bill.
Don't be silly.
A girl can do anything she puts her mouth to.
Hi.
I was wondering if there might be an alternate way to settle this bill.
It's a strip club, honey.
How dirty are you willing to get? "How dirty are you willing to get?" Well, I hope this is dirty enough for you.
Here.
Drink this.
It'll help you with your hangover tomorrow.
What's in it? You don't want to know.
Drink up.
You don't want my help washing the dishes? I totally can.
Absolutely not.
The guest of honor is not doing the dishes.
We're probably gonna be here for a while.
You should just take that limo home.
I think Mrs.
Scott's had a long night.
Mrs.
Scott.
You guys probably think I'm crazy for getting married.
No.
Well, maybe a little.
You guys totally have the whole Nick and Jessica thing going on just without the stalkerazzi and the chickeny tuna.
Yeah, I guess I can't really help it if I found the guy I want to be with my first time out.
Isn't that what it's all about? If we're not out there looking for the one we want to be with forever then what are we doing? Having fun? Love is fun.
This kind of love is, anyway.
Actually, I'd really like to go home to my husband, if you don't mind.
- Class dismissed.
- Thank you.
I'm all right.
Thank you so much for tonight.
- Thank you, guys.
- You won't be thanking us tomorrow.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Come on, Goldilocks.
Grime is money.
No good! I thought you'd be good at this game.
I was going easy on you before.
I'm about to take the safeties off now, though.
I'm shaking.
Funny.
People usually call me before the wedding.
So what's it like being married? I love it.
And Haley, she's great.
And she's the one for me.
Even if one's all you get? Nails it! Game over for you, baby.
Driver? Take me home to my guy.
What are you doing here so late? You know, I could ask you that very same thing.
I'm just trying to catch up.
Even though it's Dan Scott Motors - I still want to do well, you know? - Yeah.
- So, what's up? - Well I wanted to thank you for the job offer and tell you that I can't accept it.
Okay.
But I offered the job to Nate.
I hope that's okay with you.
Well, I know he could use the cash.
And the guidance, too.
Look, Keith, you've always helped me out.
Now it's Nathan's turn.
- All right, I'll get out of your way.
- No, you're fine.
I'm just trying to find those inventory printouts.
How long ago did you call that cab? I think it should've been here by now.
I have a confession to make.
I didn't call a cab.
My car's outside.
You're really cute, Nathan.
You're young.
You're athletic.
You suck at video games.
I was paid a lot of money to show you a good time tonight.
If your idea of a good time is getting your butt kicked by a girl on PlayStation I'm fine with that.
But there's also a lot of other things I'd be fine with.
There's a lot of things I'm good at, Nathan keeping a secret is only one of them.
I'll be in the bedroom.
You decide what you want.
I want you.
God, I love you.
How was the stripper? Pretty good at NBA Live.
Other than that, I had no interest in her.
I actually had to ask her to leave.
How was the shower? - It was educational.
- Yeah? What did you learn? Only what I already knew.
You are the one that I want.
Yeah, me, too.
Where you going? You know how I said tonight was educational? Honey, you're gonna love the homework.
I was thinking about what Haley said.
You know, how it's all supposed to be for love.
Kind of scary.
Yeah.
Do you think she's right? I know she is.
But that's not the part that scares me.
Then what does? People are gonna disappoint you, I get that.
I kind of expect that.
But what if you wake up one day and realize that you're the disappointment? What's on your mind, Brooke? I was just thinking about how we're gonna pay for this limo.
I spoke to the lawyer about the situation with Nathan and Haley.
He says it's going to be a lot tougher than he thought.
It doesn't look like there's any way to invalidate their marriage.
- There's nothing we can do? - Legally.
You look surprised.
Why? Because that's something you would say? No.
I was just thinking that maybe we don't have to take such drastic measures.
Snap out of it, Dan.
Phoenix effect or not, I need some help.
They're teenagers, Deb.
Once the newlywed sex wears off, they'll realize the only thing keeping this marriage afloat is a minimum-wage job pushing pretzels with no benefits.
Then money problems will kick in and they'll start to wonder why they rushed into the whole thing.
Their marriage will probably self-destruct and we won't even have to lift a finger.
And what if it doesn't? I had a heart attack, Deb, not a lobotomy.
I thought you had to be at work.
I'm not gonna take the job at the dealership.
I offered it to Nathan.
He needs it more.
And besides, I'm gonna have my hands full at the café.
The café? Well, seeing as you're going to be so busy with college and classes somebody's got to take care of things at the café, right? Maybe so.
Bye.
Do me a favor.
Don't change when you come home from work today.
- I'm kind of into the whole mechanic thing.
- No problem, ma'am.
What's going on? Come on.
I'll be inside.
Those pictures in the lockbox don't change anything.
Don't even think for a second that they do.
I know I can't change our past, Lucas.
But I'm hoping I can change our future.
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