Party of Five s02e03 Episode Script
Dearly Beloved
Oh, I'll see you guys later.
Hey.
Hey.
You realize this school has a Litter Society? Hm.
For or against? Gum? Mmm.
Oh, this is your last piece.
It's okay.
[STUDENTS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY.]
It says that they meet on Mondays.
Heal the Bay is Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I might be able to swing them both, unless You those are too similar? You're actually joining these? I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but you? I gotta get more stuff on my transcript, you know, activities, awards.
Maybe I could save a life.
You know? Um I don't know, uh Uh Uh, Heimlich someone in the cafeteria or something.
That would impress colleges, don't you think? Yeah, well, if you're gonna ask me to choke on a chicken bone during lunch, that's where I draw the line.
Some friend you are.
Class elections are coming up, and you could run.
Ah, that's a little geeky.
Well, not on a transcript.
And you'd win.
I mean, you'd definitely win.
Who wouldn't vote for you? So, what, you mean, like president? Mm, Brian Cohen wins that every year.
How about vice president? Vice president? I can do that.
And-- And when you think about it, what are the odds of the senior class president dying in office? Although with my luck God, Bailey.
You sure about this chicken bone thing? Definitely.
Okay, I'll see you.
Bye.
[BELL RINGS.]
GIRL: All right, you guys, meet me at my locker.
Griffin.
Hey, how's it goin'? All right.
You? Um Listen, ab-- About what happenedwith us, it was nice and everything.
I mean, I didn't not like it, but there's Justin, and I love Justin.
A lot.
Um, and you and I could be friends, like we've been.
I mean, I still want us to, just nothing else.
I mean, we can't be anything more.
Okay? I hear you.
Good.
Good.
Okay.
Um, so I should go to French.
Yeah, right.
So I'll see you sometime.
Hey.
Yeah? [.]
[THE BODEANS' "CLOSER TO FREE" PLAYING.]
Everybody wants to live Like they wanna live And everybody wants to love Like they wanna love Everybody wants to be Closer to free-ee-ee Closer to free There's Monica and Phil, Greg and Carol, and Robin and Steve are a yes, so that makes pretty much the whole Berkeley gang.
It'll be cool to see everybody.
You know, they still can't believe that bachelor No.
1, Charlie Salinger, is actually getting married.
Well, I believe it.
I can't wait.
Mm! I'm speaking to Joe about food later.
Any special requests? I love this guy.
He's throwing you and Kirsten an engagement party at our house, catered by our restaurant.
What kind of best friend are you, anyway? Just for that, missy, see if you get a party out of me when you and Justin get hitched.
I'm outta here.
Walking? Riding? [DOOR SLAMS.]
That woman! She's-- I-- Ohh, God! I just wanted to-- Uhh! Kirsten, what are you doing here? Your flight isn't supposed to arrive for another six hours.
One hell of an efficient airline.
I mean, from the second I got off the plane, not, "Hello, nice to see you.
" No! No, no, no.
It was, "You can't have gladiolus in your bouquet.
" Why? Is that against the law? And, "Darling, not a jazz ensemble.
" Uh! I mean, what a moron I must be! But I said, "Fine.
It's your nickel.
" Then we're at the bridal boutique, and every dress I try on, she-- She doesn't like the train, or it's too low-cut.
I think "slutty" was the actual word she used for one of them.
Then I-I-I put this gown on.
It's perfect.
I love it.
The saleslady loves it.
My mother looks me up and down, and she says: "It's nice, dearif you want to look like a poodle.
" Ooh.
Ouch.
KIRSTEN: That was it! Woof.
I got dressed.
I got in a cab, and I went straight to O'Hare.
Will you call and ask them to U.
P.
S.
my suitcase back? My God, Kirsten, I-- I don't want her input.
I don't want her opinion.
And they can keep their money.
It's you and me now, Charlie.
We are doing this ourselves.
It's just like sometimes-- I-I don't know what it is, but do you ever feel, like, alone? Yeah, I do.
And I guess that means we're not alone, right? That's good, Paul.
Now try drawing Gail out about what specifically is bothering her.
JUSTIN: Okay, so we're on the roof of this car, and we're drinking tea.
And then all of a sudden, the cable snaps, and this thing starts careening down Lombard Street.
And everybody's screaming, except for you.
You keep saying, "I know you won't let anything happen to me.
" And then the alarm went off, I guess.
Justin, come on.
We need to practice doing this.
He's listening.
Fine.
And, uh, here's my problem, O anonymous hotline woman.
I, uh, don't know what time to pick up my girlfriend tonight.
Can you help me with that? Tonight? Oh, um Wait.
I-I can't.
All right, you guys.
You seem to be getting comfortable with this.
Why not? Um, what's-her-name, Lynn, you know, the new salad chopper or whatever.
She asked me to fill in for her.
MR.
PECK: It's people you know too.
The guy in English, the girl in math.
They got problems.
She's got stomach flu.
And it pretty much comes down to two words: trust and truth.
You gotta get that caller to trust you.
But you're not gonna do anybody any good if you're not telling the truth.
Invitations, church, banquet hall, clothing, caterer, bands, flowers, photographer.
Whoa.
You guys better tell people cash gifts only.
I think that's tacky.
Yeah? Well, can you afford $450 for flowers? You know, Kirsten, I was thinking-- Four-fifty for flowers? They're just gonna die.
--maybe you'd want to get married in our mom's wedding dress.
Hm, uh, well, I'm sure it's lovely.
Wait.
I'll show you.
But I have a specific idea-- Find somebody getting married the day before, and buy their flowers from them! Who's gonna know the difference? Bay, that is either the stupidest thing I've ever heard, or you're really on to something.
Huh? What? You don't think that's-- Here it is.
Our grandmother got married in it, and Mom, and Claud and I are gonna get married in it.
Kind of a family tradition.
Well, it's your family tradition.
Well, aren't you joining our family? Well, yeah, I-- Not to mention the 9 to $1200 it would save.
Wow! Kirsten, I've taken the liberty of highlighting some china patterns.
We can register tomorrow, if you want.
I think we're more the paper-plate type.
And besides, the breakfront in the dining room is full of dishes, cups, beautiful things.
Yes, beautiful.
But, uh, does the word "dibs" mean anything to you? I really wish you'd think about the dress.
Uh, I'm thinking ix-nay on the filet mignon.
Mmm.
Ohhh! CLAUDIA: Look, Macy's, 3:30.
Be there.
[WHISTLES.]
Ooh.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Hey.
Oh, good evening, sir.
I'm collecting money to help subsidize nose jobs for some of the underprivileged girls in our senior class.
These are people's names.
They're very nice names.
Some of them I even recognize.
It's the signatures you need to be a candidate for vice president.
Wait a second, you didn't really-- Bailey, look, it took, like, I mean, people love you.
That was a dumb idea.
It was a dumb idea.
I'd never even win.
What do you wanna bet you would? You wanna bet money? You're nuts.
How about dinner and a movie? Dinner and a movie says that you'll win.
I don't even know anything about this student-government stuff.
So then I'll help you.
I will.
I'll manage your campaign.
I'll be the woman behind the man.
Come on.
We'll do it together.
Okay, I'm in.
Great, you know, there is tons to do.
I mean, we have to come up with a platform, write a speech, make posters.
Well, you better get moving.
Ha ha.
Look, I'm free now.
Are you free? Uh, you know what? No.
Tonight is a really bad night.
I got a ton of homework to do.
I better be going, then.
Okay.
So we'll start tomorrow? Tomorrow.
Okay.
It's a date.
[.]
Define "date.
" Eight hundred sixty-three, What are you doin'? I'm counting to a thousand.
Ten didn't work.
A hundred didn't work.
Well, what are you so steamed about? Them.
Them who? Them who do you think? They're as bad as my mother or worse.
Because they had some ideas about the wedding? Oh! Oh! You didn't hear Bailey's latest.
He suggested we charge people for parking.
Charge them! We'll have the only reception in history with a $5 cover at the door! Kirsten, they're involved because they're happy we're getting married.
Isn't that better than not wanting anything to do with it? No.
Listen to me.
I'm marrying you, not them.
This is our wedding, not theirs.
And I have to tell you, my mother used up my very last nerve.
I got her off my case, Charlie.
Now it's your turn.
Kirsten, I think you left your perspective in Chicago.
You are definitely overreacting here.
Fine.
You think that? You're on the record.
But you tell them: I am not planning our wedding by committee.
I mean it.
[.]
Here you are.
Just so I can see Thanks.
A world unfold Of possibility Hi.
Hey.
I would've ordered for you, but I wasn't sure that you'd show.
Yeah, neither was I.
So, what do you want? Oh! Uh, I'm fine.
[SIGHS.]
It's kind of noisy tonight.
Kind of stuffy too.
It's nice outside, lots of stars.
Keep you close Just so I can see A world unfold Of possibility What are you doing? You know, some of these china patterns aren't bad.
You wanna see? Sure.
It's 3 in the morning, but what else do I have to do? You were right, Charlie.
I guess I was still having leftover mother anxiety, so when the kids started jumping in, well, as we say in the psych world, it was kind of a conditioned response.
But I know it's different.
And I know they mean well.
I told you.
And anyhow, you and I have final say about the wedding, so what harm could it do to let them feel like it's theirs too? None at all.
[SIGHS.]
I hate those, by the way.
Yeah.
Me too.
How come all this ritual matters so much? I don't know.
It does, doesn't it? Maybe it's an excuse to show off.
You get to say to everybody, you know, "Look who I got.
Look who loves me.
" And 'cause you feel sorry for them for not being as lucky as you, you feed them an expensive prime rib.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
That must be it.
Hi.
W-were we gonna walk to school together or something--? Uh-uh.
No.
I figured, since I missed you last night-- Oh, I missed you too.
Hey.
Where would you be if you were a physics book? No, no.
I mean, I, uh came by to see you at the restaurant and you weren't there.
Oh.
Oh, well, what happened is Lynn ended up feeling better, and she didn't wanna miss her shift 'cause she's got that little girl, so she showed up after all.
You said you had a report.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I got antsy after the 42nd year of the Hundred Year War.
Found it.
So tonight? I mean, are you, uh, busy or anything? Well, aren't you doing something with your dad? No.
I bagged it.
I mean, I like him and all, but he's just not as cute as you are.
Well, I have to have dinner with everybody.
Oh.
Well, I'll pick you up at the restaurant.
No, I got a couple of errands, you know, and it's kind of out of your way, but I can meet you wherever.
All right.
We could go hear some music.
Or you know what? They're gonna blow up this building down at the wharf.
Be kind of cool to watch that.
One big blast and it's all gone.
I've got two words for you, Kirsten.
Cash bar.
That never would have occurred to me.
See? Just keep asking.
I got a million of them.
Hey, you know what would be great? I'm glad you're wearing Mom's dress.
Keep up the tradition.
It's probably not too yellow Mm-mm.
Terrific.
There is that weird-shaped stain on it, but laundry techniques are so much more advanced these days.
You know what'd be great? What? What would be great, Claud? Why don't they have their wedding here? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, that is brilliant! No, no.
Uh, I don't-- Listen! It would be practically free.
Yeah! That's true.
No.
No.
I can make those tulips with crepe paper and straws.
They're very lifelike.
And you've got the stereo for music.
No.
No.
Oh, and an entire choice of the menu.
And the party could go till, like, 4 in the morning, and wouldn't cost any extra.
There's ample parking.
Charlie! BAILEY: Man, he's gonna go wild for this.
Let me tell him.
JULIA: Mmm! CLAUDIA: good idea, huh? So, it's my 14th birthday, and Will gives me this shirt.
The ugliest thing you've ever seen.
Had to be on sale for, like, 90 percent off.
So for his next birthday, I wrapped it up, and I gave it back to him.
And then it became this joke where every year, we'd give each other the shirt.
Only now there's this challenge where we have to surprise the other person.
Like how? Well, like last year, I put it on Thurber and let him into Will's room while he was sleeping.
So, uh So when's your birthday? I'm not telling you now.
Chicken.
[OWEN STIRS.]
Uh-oh.
Shh.
Oh, God.
It's late.
We should really do the speech.
Right.
Okay.
Okay, uh, what do we have so far? "Fellow classmates" [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Okay, um, wait.
Try something.
Say the first thing that comes into your head.
Okay, I have excellent Posture.
Oh, that'll sell you.
Would breath be better? Okay, I'm running for office Under incredible duress.
If elected I will demand a recount.
Oh, okay.
That's gonna be your speech, Bailey.
I'm writing it down.
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
You are not.
Give me that.
Give it back.
[GIGGLES.]
I never realized you were such a nerd.
I'm not.
Yes, you are.
You are.
You get this look on your face, and your eyebrows get all furrowed like it's so important to you.
So? So it's cute.
Yeah? Yeah.
So you know what I'm thinking? No.
How about you just write it for me? Hey.
[BREATHLESSLY.]
Hi.
Griffin, I, um I can't stay this time.
It's an awful long way to tell me that.
I have to see Justin tonight.
I mean, I don't want to.
So see Justin.
Well, I'm going to.
Okay.
Okay.
Why is that okay? What? Well, I mean, why is that not a problem for you? Because he's your boyfriend.
It doesn't bother you that I saw you last night and tonight I'm gonna see him? I mean, I don't even know why I'm doing this.
I'm lying all the time, and I can't sleep.
And if Justin found out about this, his head would fly off.
Better not tell him, then.
Do you, like, want me to stay? I mean, is there any part of you that wants to say, "Please don't go"? You know, "I don't want you to see him.
" Look, I've got this rule.
I don't tell anybody what to do, and nobody tells me.
And it works.
God, Griffin, you could at least care.
Kirsten, where's my-- Man! I can't look, or we'll have bad luck, right? Oh, I think we're way past that.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's not a perfect fit, huh? They can take that hem out, right? If you say another word about this dress, I'm gonna have to kill you.
Can I do something for you? When I was little, I would take one of my dad's white shirts and put it on my head like a veil.
I would make believe our driveway was the aisle.
I would pick flowers for my bouquet.
I've dreamt about my wedding day for years, except it wasn't like this.
I didn't look like the Land of the Giants.
My parents still talked to me.
And for the reception, we were in a ballroom, Charlie A ballroom, not in a Naugahyde booth! Kirsten-- Don't touch me! Okay, all right, obviously this matters to you, so we will figure out another way to do the wedding.
No, no, no! These are signs.
Signs? What are you talking about? God is trying to tell us something.
God? Or somebody.
Look.
I'm getting a twitch in my eye, right there.
So you're a little anxious.
"A little anxious"? A little anxious? I'm gonna need a straitjacket! Hey, why don't I wear one of those! It's white! It's classic! Kirsten-- And it would have to fit me better than this! You know, this is not a bad speech.
I mean, at 2 a.
m.
, anything sounds good, but I reread it just now.
Do I have to memorize it? Oh, it's not too long.
Oh, and this is what I did.
I put myself in your head so it would sound like you: funny, smart, a little self-effacing but in a good way, you know.
And, in the end, somebody that you'd want to play an important part in your life.
Who are you talking about? Oh, your brother.
Oh.
Which one? Do you wanna read it? I'll read it later.
Thanks.
Do you have any gum? Sure.
Cool.
Thanks.
See you, guys.
You wrote that speech for him? Well, we both worked on it.
You know, Sarah, this election is so not his thing.
I mean, he doesn't even talk about it.
Why are you even bothering? Uh, because.
Don't ask me that, okay? Do you know what a poker face is? Yeah.
You don't have one.
Yeah, but it's just that when I'm with him, you know? Oh, God.
I shouldn't be talking to you about this.
Uh, please, don't say anything to him.
You know, the thing is, Sarah, if he's not paying any attention or saying things like, "Let's be together" or, "Please don't see anyone else," and you stick around for that, then it's kind of your problem that you feel bad.
Trust me.
[LAUGHS MIRTHLESSLY.]
But you'll find the right guy.
I mean, he's out there.
The one who tells you that he has dreams about you.
That's who you wanna be with.
[GIGGLES.]
This is funny.
The show at Atlas tonight.
Who's it from? The right guy.
[DOOR OPENS.]
When we get a divorce you get this.
[RATTLING & THUDDING.]
I, uh-- Uh-oh.
I'm feeling a bit of a chill.
Kids, kids, kids, tell Uncle Dudley what the problem is.
Let's share a little.
Ask her.
Something to do with God and the cost of ice sculptures.
Be quiet.
Do you guys know that statistically end up hating each other during the course of planning a wedding? Yes, I did.
You made that up.
But I'm probably not far off.
Pledging undying love for all eternity is stressful enough, but then you got the whole ceremony deal.
You got music.
You got food.
You're practically producing dinner theatre.
Am I right? No wonder you're both a little nuts.
Believe me, this will pass.
I tell you, though, for my money, the best way to do one of these things is a quickie in Reno.
No muss, no fuss, no bother.
Bing, bang, boom.
You're in.
You're out.
You're married.
That's just me.
You're so adorable.
No kidding.
Any particular reason why? Come on, you know.
No.
I don't.
But what the hell, as long as you think so.
Justin, I found-- Okay, troops, big night tonight.
A bunch of you are gonna get a run at the real thing.
I need volunteers for the 7 to 10 slot.
Wow! Would you look at that show of hands.
Justin.
What? We can't.
Why not? Ha-ha! Come on! Oh, come on, don't be nervous.
We're ready for this.
You'll be great.
Paul.
Justin.
Yeah, and Julia too.
Julia? Yes? Yeah.
[SIGHS.]
Heads up.
Yeah.
All right.
Whoa.
I'm impressed.
Yeah, I used to play at sleep-away camp before I got short.
So did you read the speech? Ohh! I left it in my locker.
I'm sorry.
I'd love to have a pair of sneakers named after me someday: Air Baileys.
Oh, it's good to have a goal.
I've started noticing that some of the other candidates are putting those posters up in the halls.
Mmm.
I saw that too.
Maybe you should do some.
Three-pointer! Yes! What? You don't give a damn about this, do you? Yes, I do.
I give a couple of damns.
Two or three damns, at least.
You're hilarious.
Anyone ever told you that? Look, Sarah, it's not like I was ever rah-rah jumping up and down about being vice president.
I mean, you did kind of push.
Well, then, you know, of course I should make the posters by myself.
I suppose I ought to give the speech for you, too, since you can't even bother to read it! Have any homework that you need done? Wait a second.
Wait a second.
That's not fair.
No! You're right! You know, you are absolutely right.
Someone's following you around like a-- Like a stupid puppy, what else are you supposed to do but yell, "Go fetch"? Sarah-- No! It's my fault! Okay? It's me.
So you can do the campaign yourself or don't.
Whatever.
But I quit.
I'm done.
No, no, no, no.
Don't be embarrassed.
That's why I'm here, you know? To, uh-- To listen to you.
[.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Sowhy don't you tell me what's goin' on? GIRL [ON PHONE.]
: It's It's my boyfriend.
I mean, I love him.
H-he's great.
Butsomething got messed up.
All of a sudden, we're so not connecting.
I don't even know where he is half the time.
And if we have plans, he'll show up late.
Sometimes he doesn't even bother to.
And when I ask him about it, there's always some wild story.
Andhe kisses different.
And I know this sounds funny, but he even smells different.
I don't know if it's some placeor someone.
I asked him, but he told me I was making it up.
I really think he's cheating on me.
I think you might be right.
One minute, everything's fine and, you know, we're shooting baskets and stuff.
Then the next minute, she's talking about I don't know, dogs or something, and flipping out on me.
And I didn't do anything.
I mean, what did I do? Do you think I did something? Womenare complicated.
That's part of our charm.
Where have you been? Julia! That what I should tell Justin Doesn't matter.
You smell like smoke.
next time he calls? Justin called? Forget it.
CLAUDIA: What's going on? You forget it too.
Not good, Jule.
Hey, one day, I'm gonna crack your little code, and then you'll both be sorry.
No, no.
Wait.
I'm going to bed.
[LOCKS DOOR.]
Okay, look, we need your opinion about what to get Kirsten and Charlie you know, as a wedding present.
Bailey thinks we should get them a gravy boat.
Wow.
Could you pick something less personal? A-a nice one.
CLAUDIA: Hey, I know.
Why don't we get it videotaped, the wedding, as our present to 'em.
Like Owen, I mean, he's not even gonna remember any of this.
At least this way-- I know it's not the same thing, but, hey, it's pretty close.
And Charlie and Kirsten, how else will they actually get to see the ceremony? That's a good point.
Yeah.
That's nice, Claud.
Yeah, it's something they'll have forever.
We all will.
They're gonna be so mad at us.
You said it yourself.
This isn't about them.
It's about you and me.
But it seems so criminal, sneaking out this way.
I think it's sexy.
Anyway, we're gonna be back in time for Dud's party.
I don't know.
Kirsten, I would marry you in the window at Macy's.
I would marry you on a bus, whatever it takes so that weare together and you do not have one more second of aggravation over this.
So let's get going, Mrs.
Salinger-to-be.
Bennett-Salinger? We'll negotiate.
Okay.
Come on.
We don't wanna miss our flight.
This is a joke.
Right? We found it on the fridge this morning.
I guess none of us heard them leave.
What was their big hurry? Huh? It's not like she wouldn't sleep with him until they were married.
To hell with you, Charlie.
To hell with both of you.
How could they do this to us? It's like they couldn't even bother to stop to think that maybe this matters to us.
This is I mean, it's not like, "We're going grocery shopping.
Wanna come?" This is our brother's wedding.
And you'd think at least, at the very least, they would be honest with us.
See if I ever talk to them again.
JULIA: Claud.
Forget it.
I'm not.
I wanted to be there.
I wanted to watch them say all that mushy stuff.
And I wanted to play the wedding march and for us to throw rice, and maybe you'd catch the bouquet.
I wanted to watch them dance.
I wanted to dance.
It's always sad stuff.
We're always together for the sad stuff.
Just once why couldn't we be together for something happy? [STREETCAR BELL RINGS.]
JULIA: Look, I admit it.
You're right.
I mean, I know I should have called you, but I just kind of panicked.
Justin, really.
I kept thinking, "What if I say the wrong thing? Or I make the person calling feel even worse?" And I knew you'd be upset, and I knew Mr.
Peck would be upset.
But I just couldn't do it, and I felt too stupid to tell you.
Okay? Do you remember when we were, like, eight, and our families took this vacation together to San Diego? Sure.
Of course I do.
I remember we were in this park by the zoo.
Oh, my God.
I completely forgot that was the trip.
We were gonna go on the seesaw, and you decided that you wanted to be funny and jump on it real fast.
And the thing flew up and hit me in the chin.
Seven stitches right there.
Probably never be able to grow a decent beard.
[GIGGLES.]
You remember how freaked out you were? Yeah, I cried more than you.
Kept saying that I couldn't trust you anymore, that-- Now that you did this, and you swore that I could, that you'd never do anything like that again.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was just thinking about that.
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS.]
Sarah, it's me again.
Are you there? Okay, you're not.
You know, sometimes I can be so dense.
I should've realized what was going on.
So here's what I did.
I talked to Will, and he's gonna take over the campaign.
And you can still be involved, you know, if you still wanna be.
But he's gonna do all the grunt work.
So that should fix everything with us, right? And feel free to call me a jerk next time we see each other.
Bye.
Okay, make yourself useful.
Here you go.
Come on, Dud.
We could still call everyone if we split the list.
No way, Bailey.
Like I said before, the show must go on.
The kegs I bought are nonrefundable.
So, believe me, there's gonna be a party.
How's Claud? [VIOLIN PLAYING.]
She's been playing that same piece over and over again for the past two hours.
DUDLEY: Dont' worry.
The peanut will get over it.
Mmm? Oh, by the way, Jules? Some guy called for you named Geffen.
Griffin? Griffin.
Right.
I told him you were out, but I said there's gonna be a party so come on right over.
No, you didn't.
Dudley, tell me you didn't.
Sorry, doll.
Oh, God.
So what? So Griffin's coming.
What's the big deal? Oh.
Oh, forget it.
Nothing.
You're right.
Wait a second.
That's who you've been sneaking around with? With Griffin? You're kidding, right? This is so none of your business.
I don't get you.
What about Justin? Huh? He's like-- He's great.
That is how you treat him? Excuse me! That is so-- You're one to talk.
The way you treat Sarah.
You totally use her.
Sarah? No, I don't.
I do not.
And besides, we're not talking about me.
We're talking about you.
No, we aren't.
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING.]
MAN: Eleven, please.
All right, step right up.
They look nervous.
Dearly beloved We could go back to that one down the street with the Elvis.
I don't think so.
[RATTLING.]
This is gonna make one hell of a story to tell Owen.
[GIGGLES.]
Definitely.
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
You didn't bring a camera, did you? Didn't you? Maybe they have one here.
Probably costs extra.
No.
They throw that in.
No charge.
Oh, good.
Thanks.
MAN: Number 12.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING.]
[GENTLE ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
Don't think of it as an engagement party, exactly.
It's more of a very casual wedding reception.
Right.
Where none of us was invited to the ceremony.
Griffin.
Hey, nice spread.
Listen, you've gotta leave.
I'm not kidding.
Justin's coming.
I'm gonna grab a beer.
You want something? Look, I'm telling you, you can't be here when he gets here.
Oh.
Huh.
I'm staying.
Why are you doing this? Maybe there'd be some dancing later.
Hey, Claud.
Party's out back.
I'm boycotting.
Okay.
Hey, good.
You're here.
Add that to the pile and come on outside.
There's, uh-- There's no guests of honor, unfortunately, but got plenty of food.
I'm, um I'm not gonna stay.
Why not? Why not? You're not still pissed off at me.
Yeah.
You got the message I left? Well, so then everything's cool between us.
Will's gonna take over-- Would you stop talking about the stupid election? Why? What is going on with you? Did you really think that I was doing all of this because I'm so civic-minded? Or because I really care who governs the student body? Or that it matters to me whether it's me or Will who hangs your posters in the hallway? God, I did it because I'm in love with you, you jerk! Feel free not to say anything.
What bit you? Justin-- Hey, you.
Um, listen, can we go inside? I'm getting, like, mosquito-bitten.
I wanna get something to drink.
There's stuff there too.
What's he doing here? Are he and Bailey, like, friends now? What? Um Oh, God.
Justin, no, it Look, let's just go over here.
Come on.
It's not what you think.
What do I think? What do I think? I don't know, but it's not-- That you've been lying to me? Justine, please, can we just talk about this? Oh, okay, okay, uh So what, have you been, uh, seeing him? Is that it? Stop it! Oh, I-- I knew it.
I-I knew there was something up with you.
But him? Him? Oh Are you, uh? Are you and him--? Justin, I love you.
Then tell him to beat it.
Go ahead.
He's right out there.
Go tell him.
[WHIMPERS.]
Then that's it.
Don't.
Justin, don't-- Just forget it, okay? BAILEY: What, did you think we wouldn't mind? CLAUDIA: I don't care what you have to say.
Claudia, please.
We need you too.
Okay, I think I speak for the group here.
Kirsten and Charlie, oh, and take this in the spirit of which it's intended.
You guys are major creeps! You run off.
You leave us a note? Yeah, I mean, you ruined all our plans.
Guyswe didn't do it.
We didn't get married.
What? It was a joke? No.
We were going to.
We got all the way to Reno.
We found a 24-hour chapel, and, uh, we waited.
And then it was our turn.
So we, uh-- We walked up this ratty aisle.
And this justice of the peace-- Man, he looked like somebody right out of Mayberry.
And he starts off the way they usually do: "Dearly beloved.
" And we looked around, and there was nobody there, just some guys in polyester tuxes and women in shiny dresses waiting for their turn.
And it's like I never even thought about that expression until that second.
"Dearly beloved.
" That's you.
Only you weren't there.
That's really, I mean Without you guys, what would have been the point? So we couldn't.
So we didn't.
So we left.
I hope you're still free the third weekend in November.
I think we can clear our schedules.
You wimps.
I knew you couldn't go through with it.
[BOTH LAUGH TEARFULLY.]
Jeez, now I gotta go spring for another present.
Come on.
Get your butts outside.
There's a party goin' on.
[.]
[CROWD APPLAUDS.]
All right.
Okay.
Hold it down.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
False alarm.
Thank you.
False alarm.
They didn't do it.
If you can stop yapping for a second, I'd like to propose a toast to the non-newlyweds since I'm Charlie's second-best man.
Before I do, anybody here think that Kirsten is too good for Charlie, please raise your hand.
Oh, shut up.
DUDLEY: Sweetheart, tell me, do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into? Have you given this any thought? Still I open my heart Like a window But the cold washes through Once again Lucky could carry The moment If only I knew when 'Cause it wouldn't be Just for a lifetime And it's more than My soul's content Wait for love To rest right beside me One last time [.]
Hey.
Hey.
You realize this school has a Litter Society? Hm.
For or against? Gum? Mmm.
Oh, this is your last piece.
It's okay.
[STUDENTS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY.]
It says that they meet on Mondays.
Heal the Bay is Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I might be able to swing them both, unless You those are too similar? You're actually joining these? I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but you? I gotta get more stuff on my transcript, you know, activities, awards.
Maybe I could save a life.
You know? Um I don't know, uh Uh Uh, Heimlich someone in the cafeteria or something.
That would impress colleges, don't you think? Yeah, well, if you're gonna ask me to choke on a chicken bone during lunch, that's where I draw the line.
Some friend you are.
Class elections are coming up, and you could run.
Ah, that's a little geeky.
Well, not on a transcript.
And you'd win.
I mean, you'd definitely win.
Who wouldn't vote for you? So, what, you mean, like president? Mm, Brian Cohen wins that every year.
How about vice president? Vice president? I can do that.
And-- And when you think about it, what are the odds of the senior class president dying in office? Although with my luck God, Bailey.
You sure about this chicken bone thing? Definitely.
Okay, I'll see you.
Bye.
[BELL RINGS.]
GIRL: All right, you guys, meet me at my locker.
Griffin.
Hey, how's it goin'? All right.
You? Um Listen, ab-- About what happenedwith us, it was nice and everything.
I mean, I didn't not like it, but there's Justin, and I love Justin.
A lot.
Um, and you and I could be friends, like we've been.
I mean, I still want us to, just nothing else.
I mean, we can't be anything more.
Okay? I hear you.
Good.
Good.
Okay.
Um, so I should go to French.
Yeah, right.
So I'll see you sometime.
Hey.
Yeah? [.]
[THE BODEANS' "CLOSER TO FREE" PLAYING.]
Everybody wants to live Like they wanna live And everybody wants to love Like they wanna love Everybody wants to be Closer to free-ee-ee Closer to free There's Monica and Phil, Greg and Carol, and Robin and Steve are a yes, so that makes pretty much the whole Berkeley gang.
It'll be cool to see everybody.
You know, they still can't believe that bachelor No.
1, Charlie Salinger, is actually getting married.
Well, I believe it.
I can't wait.
Mm! I'm speaking to Joe about food later.
Any special requests? I love this guy.
He's throwing you and Kirsten an engagement party at our house, catered by our restaurant.
What kind of best friend are you, anyway? Just for that, missy, see if you get a party out of me when you and Justin get hitched.
I'm outta here.
Walking? Riding? [DOOR SLAMS.]
That woman! She's-- I-- Ohh, God! I just wanted to-- Uhh! Kirsten, what are you doing here? Your flight isn't supposed to arrive for another six hours.
One hell of an efficient airline.
I mean, from the second I got off the plane, not, "Hello, nice to see you.
" No! No, no, no.
It was, "You can't have gladiolus in your bouquet.
" Why? Is that against the law? And, "Darling, not a jazz ensemble.
" Uh! I mean, what a moron I must be! But I said, "Fine.
It's your nickel.
" Then we're at the bridal boutique, and every dress I try on, she-- She doesn't like the train, or it's too low-cut.
I think "slutty" was the actual word she used for one of them.
Then I-I-I put this gown on.
It's perfect.
I love it.
The saleslady loves it.
My mother looks me up and down, and she says: "It's nice, dearif you want to look like a poodle.
" Ooh.
Ouch.
KIRSTEN: That was it! Woof.
I got dressed.
I got in a cab, and I went straight to O'Hare.
Will you call and ask them to U.
P.
S.
my suitcase back? My God, Kirsten, I-- I don't want her input.
I don't want her opinion.
And they can keep their money.
It's you and me now, Charlie.
We are doing this ourselves.
It's just like sometimes-- I-I don't know what it is, but do you ever feel, like, alone? Yeah, I do.
And I guess that means we're not alone, right? That's good, Paul.
Now try drawing Gail out about what specifically is bothering her.
JUSTIN: Okay, so we're on the roof of this car, and we're drinking tea.
And then all of a sudden, the cable snaps, and this thing starts careening down Lombard Street.
And everybody's screaming, except for you.
You keep saying, "I know you won't let anything happen to me.
" And then the alarm went off, I guess.
Justin, come on.
We need to practice doing this.
He's listening.
Fine.
And, uh, here's my problem, O anonymous hotline woman.
I, uh, don't know what time to pick up my girlfriend tonight.
Can you help me with that? Tonight? Oh, um Wait.
I-I can't.
All right, you guys.
You seem to be getting comfortable with this.
Why not? Um, what's-her-name, Lynn, you know, the new salad chopper or whatever.
She asked me to fill in for her.
MR.
PECK: It's people you know too.
The guy in English, the girl in math.
They got problems.
She's got stomach flu.
And it pretty much comes down to two words: trust and truth.
You gotta get that caller to trust you.
But you're not gonna do anybody any good if you're not telling the truth.
Invitations, church, banquet hall, clothing, caterer, bands, flowers, photographer.
Whoa.
You guys better tell people cash gifts only.
I think that's tacky.
Yeah? Well, can you afford $450 for flowers? You know, Kirsten, I was thinking-- Four-fifty for flowers? They're just gonna die.
--maybe you'd want to get married in our mom's wedding dress.
Hm, uh, well, I'm sure it's lovely.
Wait.
I'll show you.
But I have a specific idea-- Find somebody getting married the day before, and buy their flowers from them! Who's gonna know the difference? Bay, that is either the stupidest thing I've ever heard, or you're really on to something.
Huh? What? You don't think that's-- Here it is.
Our grandmother got married in it, and Mom, and Claud and I are gonna get married in it.
Kind of a family tradition.
Well, it's your family tradition.
Well, aren't you joining our family? Well, yeah, I-- Not to mention the 9 to $1200 it would save.
Wow! Kirsten, I've taken the liberty of highlighting some china patterns.
We can register tomorrow, if you want.
I think we're more the paper-plate type.
And besides, the breakfront in the dining room is full of dishes, cups, beautiful things.
Yes, beautiful.
But, uh, does the word "dibs" mean anything to you? I really wish you'd think about the dress.
Uh, I'm thinking ix-nay on the filet mignon.
Mmm.
Ohhh! CLAUDIA: Look, Macy's, 3:30.
Be there.
[WHISTLES.]
Ooh.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Hey.
Oh, good evening, sir.
I'm collecting money to help subsidize nose jobs for some of the underprivileged girls in our senior class.
These are people's names.
They're very nice names.
Some of them I even recognize.
It's the signatures you need to be a candidate for vice president.
Wait a second, you didn't really-- Bailey, look, it took, like, I mean, people love you.
That was a dumb idea.
It was a dumb idea.
I'd never even win.
What do you wanna bet you would? You wanna bet money? You're nuts.
How about dinner and a movie? Dinner and a movie says that you'll win.
I don't even know anything about this student-government stuff.
So then I'll help you.
I will.
I'll manage your campaign.
I'll be the woman behind the man.
Come on.
We'll do it together.
Okay, I'm in.
Great, you know, there is tons to do.
I mean, we have to come up with a platform, write a speech, make posters.
Well, you better get moving.
Ha ha.
Look, I'm free now.
Are you free? Uh, you know what? No.
Tonight is a really bad night.
I got a ton of homework to do.
I better be going, then.
Okay.
So we'll start tomorrow? Tomorrow.
Okay.
It's a date.
[.]
Define "date.
" Eight hundred sixty-three, What are you doin'? I'm counting to a thousand.
Ten didn't work.
A hundred didn't work.
Well, what are you so steamed about? Them.
Them who? Them who do you think? They're as bad as my mother or worse.
Because they had some ideas about the wedding? Oh! Oh! You didn't hear Bailey's latest.
He suggested we charge people for parking.
Charge them! We'll have the only reception in history with a $5 cover at the door! Kirsten, they're involved because they're happy we're getting married.
Isn't that better than not wanting anything to do with it? No.
Listen to me.
I'm marrying you, not them.
This is our wedding, not theirs.
And I have to tell you, my mother used up my very last nerve.
I got her off my case, Charlie.
Now it's your turn.
Kirsten, I think you left your perspective in Chicago.
You are definitely overreacting here.
Fine.
You think that? You're on the record.
But you tell them: I am not planning our wedding by committee.
I mean it.
[.]
Here you are.
Just so I can see Thanks.
A world unfold Of possibility Hi.
Hey.
I would've ordered for you, but I wasn't sure that you'd show.
Yeah, neither was I.
So, what do you want? Oh! Uh, I'm fine.
[SIGHS.]
It's kind of noisy tonight.
Kind of stuffy too.
It's nice outside, lots of stars.
Keep you close Just so I can see A world unfold Of possibility What are you doing? You know, some of these china patterns aren't bad.
You wanna see? Sure.
It's 3 in the morning, but what else do I have to do? You were right, Charlie.
I guess I was still having leftover mother anxiety, so when the kids started jumping in, well, as we say in the psych world, it was kind of a conditioned response.
But I know it's different.
And I know they mean well.
I told you.
And anyhow, you and I have final say about the wedding, so what harm could it do to let them feel like it's theirs too? None at all.
[SIGHS.]
I hate those, by the way.
Yeah.
Me too.
How come all this ritual matters so much? I don't know.
It does, doesn't it? Maybe it's an excuse to show off.
You get to say to everybody, you know, "Look who I got.
Look who loves me.
" And 'cause you feel sorry for them for not being as lucky as you, you feed them an expensive prime rib.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
That must be it.
Hi.
W-were we gonna walk to school together or something--? Uh-uh.
No.
I figured, since I missed you last night-- Oh, I missed you too.
Hey.
Where would you be if you were a physics book? No, no.
I mean, I, uh came by to see you at the restaurant and you weren't there.
Oh.
Oh, well, what happened is Lynn ended up feeling better, and she didn't wanna miss her shift 'cause she's got that little girl, so she showed up after all.
You said you had a report.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I got antsy after the 42nd year of the Hundred Year War.
Found it.
So tonight? I mean, are you, uh, busy or anything? Well, aren't you doing something with your dad? No.
I bagged it.
I mean, I like him and all, but he's just not as cute as you are.
Well, I have to have dinner with everybody.
Oh.
Well, I'll pick you up at the restaurant.
No, I got a couple of errands, you know, and it's kind of out of your way, but I can meet you wherever.
All right.
We could go hear some music.
Or you know what? They're gonna blow up this building down at the wharf.
Be kind of cool to watch that.
One big blast and it's all gone.
I've got two words for you, Kirsten.
Cash bar.
That never would have occurred to me.
See? Just keep asking.
I got a million of them.
Hey, you know what would be great? I'm glad you're wearing Mom's dress.
Keep up the tradition.
It's probably not too yellow Mm-mm.
Terrific.
There is that weird-shaped stain on it, but laundry techniques are so much more advanced these days.
You know what'd be great? What? What would be great, Claud? Why don't they have their wedding here? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, that is brilliant! No, no.
Uh, I don't-- Listen! It would be practically free.
Yeah! That's true.
No.
No.
I can make those tulips with crepe paper and straws.
They're very lifelike.
And you've got the stereo for music.
No.
No.
Oh, and an entire choice of the menu.
And the party could go till, like, 4 in the morning, and wouldn't cost any extra.
There's ample parking.
Charlie! BAILEY: Man, he's gonna go wild for this.
Let me tell him.
JULIA: Mmm! CLAUDIA: good idea, huh? So, it's my 14th birthday, and Will gives me this shirt.
The ugliest thing you've ever seen.
Had to be on sale for, like, 90 percent off.
So for his next birthday, I wrapped it up, and I gave it back to him.
And then it became this joke where every year, we'd give each other the shirt.
Only now there's this challenge where we have to surprise the other person.
Like how? Well, like last year, I put it on Thurber and let him into Will's room while he was sleeping.
So, uh So when's your birthday? I'm not telling you now.
Chicken.
[OWEN STIRS.]
Uh-oh.
Shh.
Oh, God.
It's late.
We should really do the speech.
Right.
Okay.
Okay, uh, what do we have so far? "Fellow classmates" [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Okay, um, wait.
Try something.
Say the first thing that comes into your head.
Okay, I have excellent Posture.
Oh, that'll sell you.
Would breath be better? Okay, I'm running for office Under incredible duress.
If elected I will demand a recount.
Oh, okay.
That's gonna be your speech, Bailey.
I'm writing it down.
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
You are not.
Give me that.
Give it back.
[GIGGLES.]
I never realized you were such a nerd.
I'm not.
Yes, you are.
You are.
You get this look on your face, and your eyebrows get all furrowed like it's so important to you.
So? So it's cute.
Yeah? Yeah.
So you know what I'm thinking? No.
How about you just write it for me? Hey.
[BREATHLESSLY.]
Hi.
Griffin, I, um I can't stay this time.
It's an awful long way to tell me that.
I have to see Justin tonight.
I mean, I don't want to.
So see Justin.
Well, I'm going to.
Okay.
Okay.
Why is that okay? What? Well, I mean, why is that not a problem for you? Because he's your boyfriend.
It doesn't bother you that I saw you last night and tonight I'm gonna see him? I mean, I don't even know why I'm doing this.
I'm lying all the time, and I can't sleep.
And if Justin found out about this, his head would fly off.
Better not tell him, then.
Do you, like, want me to stay? I mean, is there any part of you that wants to say, "Please don't go"? You know, "I don't want you to see him.
" Look, I've got this rule.
I don't tell anybody what to do, and nobody tells me.
And it works.
God, Griffin, you could at least care.
Kirsten, where's my-- Man! I can't look, or we'll have bad luck, right? Oh, I think we're way past that.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's not a perfect fit, huh? They can take that hem out, right? If you say another word about this dress, I'm gonna have to kill you.
Can I do something for you? When I was little, I would take one of my dad's white shirts and put it on my head like a veil.
I would make believe our driveway was the aisle.
I would pick flowers for my bouquet.
I've dreamt about my wedding day for years, except it wasn't like this.
I didn't look like the Land of the Giants.
My parents still talked to me.
And for the reception, we were in a ballroom, Charlie A ballroom, not in a Naugahyde booth! Kirsten-- Don't touch me! Okay, all right, obviously this matters to you, so we will figure out another way to do the wedding.
No, no, no! These are signs.
Signs? What are you talking about? God is trying to tell us something.
God? Or somebody.
Look.
I'm getting a twitch in my eye, right there.
So you're a little anxious.
"A little anxious"? A little anxious? I'm gonna need a straitjacket! Hey, why don't I wear one of those! It's white! It's classic! Kirsten-- And it would have to fit me better than this! You know, this is not a bad speech.
I mean, at 2 a.
m.
, anything sounds good, but I reread it just now.
Do I have to memorize it? Oh, it's not too long.
Oh, and this is what I did.
I put myself in your head so it would sound like you: funny, smart, a little self-effacing but in a good way, you know.
And, in the end, somebody that you'd want to play an important part in your life.
Who are you talking about? Oh, your brother.
Oh.
Which one? Do you wanna read it? I'll read it later.
Thanks.
Do you have any gum? Sure.
Cool.
Thanks.
See you, guys.
You wrote that speech for him? Well, we both worked on it.
You know, Sarah, this election is so not his thing.
I mean, he doesn't even talk about it.
Why are you even bothering? Uh, because.
Don't ask me that, okay? Do you know what a poker face is? Yeah.
You don't have one.
Yeah, but it's just that when I'm with him, you know? Oh, God.
I shouldn't be talking to you about this.
Uh, please, don't say anything to him.
You know, the thing is, Sarah, if he's not paying any attention or saying things like, "Let's be together" or, "Please don't see anyone else," and you stick around for that, then it's kind of your problem that you feel bad.
Trust me.
[LAUGHS MIRTHLESSLY.]
But you'll find the right guy.
I mean, he's out there.
The one who tells you that he has dreams about you.
That's who you wanna be with.
[GIGGLES.]
This is funny.
The show at Atlas tonight.
Who's it from? The right guy.
[DOOR OPENS.]
When we get a divorce you get this.
[RATTLING & THUDDING.]
I, uh-- Uh-oh.
I'm feeling a bit of a chill.
Kids, kids, kids, tell Uncle Dudley what the problem is.
Let's share a little.
Ask her.
Something to do with God and the cost of ice sculptures.
Be quiet.
Do you guys know that statistically end up hating each other during the course of planning a wedding? Yes, I did.
You made that up.
But I'm probably not far off.
Pledging undying love for all eternity is stressful enough, but then you got the whole ceremony deal.
You got music.
You got food.
You're practically producing dinner theatre.
Am I right? No wonder you're both a little nuts.
Believe me, this will pass.
I tell you, though, for my money, the best way to do one of these things is a quickie in Reno.
No muss, no fuss, no bother.
Bing, bang, boom.
You're in.
You're out.
You're married.
That's just me.
You're so adorable.
No kidding.
Any particular reason why? Come on, you know.
No.
I don't.
But what the hell, as long as you think so.
Justin, I found-- Okay, troops, big night tonight.
A bunch of you are gonna get a run at the real thing.
I need volunteers for the 7 to 10 slot.
Wow! Would you look at that show of hands.
Justin.
What? We can't.
Why not? Ha-ha! Come on! Oh, come on, don't be nervous.
We're ready for this.
You'll be great.
Paul.
Justin.
Yeah, and Julia too.
Julia? Yes? Yeah.
[SIGHS.]
Heads up.
Yeah.
All right.
Whoa.
I'm impressed.
Yeah, I used to play at sleep-away camp before I got short.
So did you read the speech? Ohh! I left it in my locker.
I'm sorry.
I'd love to have a pair of sneakers named after me someday: Air Baileys.
Oh, it's good to have a goal.
I've started noticing that some of the other candidates are putting those posters up in the halls.
Mmm.
I saw that too.
Maybe you should do some.
Three-pointer! Yes! What? You don't give a damn about this, do you? Yes, I do.
I give a couple of damns.
Two or three damns, at least.
You're hilarious.
Anyone ever told you that? Look, Sarah, it's not like I was ever rah-rah jumping up and down about being vice president.
I mean, you did kind of push.
Well, then, you know, of course I should make the posters by myself.
I suppose I ought to give the speech for you, too, since you can't even bother to read it! Have any homework that you need done? Wait a second.
Wait a second.
That's not fair.
No! You're right! You know, you are absolutely right.
Someone's following you around like a-- Like a stupid puppy, what else are you supposed to do but yell, "Go fetch"? Sarah-- No! It's my fault! Okay? It's me.
So you can do the campaign yourself or don't.
Whatever.
But I quit.
I'm done.
No, no, no, no.
Don't be embarrassed.
That's why I'm here, you know? To, uh-- To listen to you.
[.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Sowhy don't you tell me what's goin' on? GIRL [ON PHONE.]
: It's It's my boyfriend.
I mean, I love him.
H-he's great.
Butsomething got messed up.
All of a sudden, we're so not connecting.
I don't even know where he is half the time.
And if we have plans, he'll show up late.
Sometimes he doesn't even bother to.
And when I ask him about it, there's always some wild story.
Andhe kisses different.
And I know this sounds funny, but he even smells different.
I don't know if it's some placeor someone.
I asked him, but he told me I was making it up.
I really think he's cheating on me.
I think you might be right.
One minute, everything's fine and, you know, we're shooting baskets and stuff.
Then the next minute, she's talking about I don't know, dogs or something, and flipping out on me.
And I didn't do anything.
I mean, what did I do? Do you think I did something? Womenare complicated.
That's part of our charm.
Where have you been? Julia! That what I should tell Justin Doesn't matter.
You smell like smoke.
next time he calls? Justin called? Forget it.
CLAUDIA: What's going on? You forget it too.
Not good, Jule.
Hey, one day, I'm gonna crack your little code, and then you'll both be sorry.
No, no.
Wait.
I'm going to bed.
[LOCKS DOOR.]
Okay, look, we need your opinion about what to get Kirsten and Charlie you know, as a wedding present.
Bailey thinks we should get them a gravy boat.
Wow.
Could you pick something less personal? A-a nice one.
CLAUDIA: Hey, I know.
Why don't we get it videotaped, the wedding, as our present to 'em.
Like Owen, I mean, he's not even gonna remember any of this.
At least this way-- I know it's not the same thing, but, hey, it's pretty close.
And Charlie and Kirsten, how else will they actually get to see the ceremony? That's a good point.
Yeah.
That's nice, Claud.
Yeah, it's something they'll have forever.
We all will.
They're gonna be so mad at us.
You said it yourself.
This isn't about them.
It's about you and me.
But it seems so criminal, sneaking out this way.
I think it's sexy.
Anyway, we're gonna be back in time for Dud's party.
I don't know.
Kirsten, I would marry you in the window at Macy's.
I would marry you on a bus, whatever it takes so that weare together and you do not have one more second of aggravation over this.
So let's get going, Mrs.
Salinger-to-be.
Bennett-Salinger? We'll negotiate.
Okay.
Come on.
We don't wanna miss our flight.
This is a joke.
Right? We found it on the fridge this morning.
I guess none of us heard them leave.
What was their big hurry? Huh? It's not like she wouldn't sleep with him until they were married.
To hell with you, Charlie.
To hell with both of you.
How could they do this to us? It's like they couldn't even bother to stop to think that maybe this matters to us.
This is I mean, it's not like, "We're going grocery shopping.
Wanna come?" This is our brother's wedding.
And you'd think at least, at the very least, they would be honest with us.
See if I ever talk to them again.
JULIA: Claud.
Forget it.
I'm not.
I wanted to be there.
I wanted to watch them say all that mushy stuff.
And I wanted to play the wedding march and for us to throw rice, and maybe you'd catch the bouquet.
I wanted to watch them dance.
I wanted to dance.
It's always sad stuff.
We're always together for the sad stuff.
Just once why couldn't we be together for something happy? [STREETCAR BELL RINGS.]
JULIA: Look, I admit it.
You're right.
I mean, I know I should have called you, but I just kind of panicked.
Justin, really.
I kept thinking, "What if I say the wrong thing? Or I make the person calling feel even worse?" And I knew you'd be upset, and I knew Mr.
Peck would be upset.
But I just couldn't do it, and I felt too stupid to tell you.
Okay? Do you remember when we were, like, eight, and our families took this vacation together to San Diego? Sure.
Of course I do.
I remember we were in this park by the zoo.
Oh, my God.
I completely forgot that was the trip.
We were gonna go on the seesaw, and you decided that you wanted to be funny and jump on it real fast.
And the thing flew up and hit me in the chin.
Seven stitches right there.
Probably never be able to grow a decent beard.
[GIGGLES.]
You remember how freaked out you were? Yeah, I cried more than you.
Kept saying that I couldn't trust you anymore, that-- Now that you did this, and you swore that I could, that you'd never do anything like that again.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was just thinking about that.
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS.]
Sarah, it's me again.
Are you there? Okay, you're not.
You know, sometimes I can be so dense.
I should've realized what was going on.
So here's what I did.
I talked to Will, and he's gonna take over the campaign.
And you can still be involved, you know, if you still wanna be.
But he's gonna do all the grunt work.
So that should fix everything with us, right? And feel free to call me a jerk next time we see each other.
Bye.
Okay, make yourself useful.
Here you go.
Come on, Dud.
We could still call everyone if we split the list.
No way, Bailey.
Like I said before, the show must go on.
The kegs I bought are nonrefundable.
So, believe me, there's gonna be a party.
How's Claud? [VIOLIN PLAYING.]
She's been playing that same piece over and over again for the past two hours.
DUDLEY: Dont' worry.
The peanut will get over it.
Mmm? Oh, by the way, Jules? Some guy called for you named Geffen.
Griffin? Griffin.
Right.
I told him you were out, but I said there's gonna be a party so come on right over.
No, you didn't.
Dudley, tell me you didn't.
Sorry, doll.
Oh, God.
So what? So Griffin's coming.
What's the big deal? Oh.
Oh, forget it.
Nothing.
You're right.
Wait a second.
That's who you've been sneaking around with? With Griffin? You're kidding, right? This is so none of your business.
I don't get you.
What about Justin? Huh? He's like-- He's great.
That is how you treat him? Excuse me! That is so-- You're one to talk.
The way you treat Sarah.
You totally use her.
Sarah? No, I don't.
I do not.
And besides, we're not talking about me.
We're talking about you.
No, we aren't.
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING.]
MAN: Eleven, please.
All right, step right up.
They look nervous.
Dearly beloved We could go back to that one down the street with the Elvis.
I don't think so.
[RATTLING.]
This is gonna make one hell of a story to tell Owen.
[GIGGLES.]
Definitely.
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
You didn't bring a camera, did you? Didn't you? Maybe they have one here.
Probably costs extra.
No.
They throw that in.
No charge.
Oh, good.
Thanks.
MAN: Number 12.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING.]
[GENTLE ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
Don't think of it as an engagement party, exactly.
It's more of a very casual wedding reception.
Right.
Where none of us was invited to the ceremony.
Griffin.
Hey, nice spread.
Listen, you've gotta leave.
I'm not kidding.
Justin's coming.
I'm gonna grab a beer.
You want something? Look, I'm telling you, you can't be here when he gets here.
Oh.
Huh.
I'm staying.
Why are you doing this? Maybe there'd be some dancing later.
Hey, Claud.
Party's out back.
I'm boycotting.
Okay.
Hey, good.
You're here.
Add that to the pile and come on outside.
There's, uh-- There's no guests of honor, unfortunately, but got plenty of food.
I'm, um I'm not gonna stay.
Why not? Why not? You're not still pissed off at me.
Yeah.
You got the message I left? Well, so then everything's cool between us.
Will's gonna take over-- Would you stop talking about the stupid election? Why? What is going on with you? Did you really think that I was doing all of this because I'm so civic-minded? Or because I really care who governs the student body? Or that it matters to me whether it's me or Will who hangs your posters in the hallway? God, I did it because I'm in love with you, you jerk! Feel free not to say anything.
What bit you? Justin-- Hey, you.
Um, listen, can we go inside? I'm getting, like, mosquito-bitten.
I wanna get something to drink.
There's stuff there too.
What's he doing here? Are he and Bailey, like, friends now? What? Um Oh, God.
Justin, no, it Look, let's just go over here.
Come on.
It's not what you think.
What do I think? What do I think? I don't know, but it's not-- That you've been lying to me? Justine, please, can we just talk about this? Oh, okay, okay, uh So what, have you been, uh, seeing him? Is that it? Stop it! Oh, I-- I knew it.
I-I knew there was something up with you.
But him? Him? Oh Are you, uh? Are you and him--? Justin, I love you.
Then tell him to beat it.
Go ahead.
He's right out there.
Go tell him.
[WHIMPERS.]
Then that's it.
Don't.
Justin, don't-- Just forget it, okay? BAILEY: What, did you think we wouldn't mind? CLAUDIA: I don't care what you have to say.
Claudia, please.
We need you too.
Okay, I think I speak for the group here.
Kirsten and Charlie, oh, and take this in the spirit of which it's intended.
You guys are major creeps! You run off.
You leave us a note? Yeah, I mean, you ruined all our plans.
Guyswe didn't do it.
We didn't get married.
What? It was a joke? No.
We were going to.
We got all the way to Reno.
We found a 24-hour chapel, and, uh, we waited.
And then it was our turn.
So we, uh-- We walked up this ratty aisle.
And this justice of the peace-- Man, he looked like somebody right out of Mayberry.
And he starts off the way they usually do: "Dearly beloved.
" And we looked around, and there was nobody there, just some guys in polyester tuxes and women in shiny dresses waiting for their turn.
And it's like I never even thought about that expression until that second.
"Dearly beloved.
" That's you.
Only you weren't there.
That's really, I mean Without you guys, what would have been the point? So we couldn't.
So we didn't.
So we left.
I hope you're still free the third weekend in November.
I think we can clear our schedules.
You wimps.
I knew you couldn't go through with it.
[BOTH LAUGH TEARFULLY.]
Jeez, now I gotta go spring for another present.
Come on.
Get your butts outside.
There's a party goin' on.
[.]
[CROWD APPLAUDS.]
All right.
Okay.
Hold it down.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
False alarm.
Thank you.
False alarm.
They didn't do it.
If you can stop yapping for a second, I'd like to propose a toast to the non-newlyweds since I'm Charlie's second-best man.
Before I do, anybody here think that Kirsten is too good for Charlie, please raise your hand.
Oh, shut up.
DUDLEY: Sweetheart, tell me, do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into? Have you given this any thought? Still I open my heart Like a window But the cold washes through Once again Lucky could carry The moment If only I knew when 'Cause it wouldn't be Just for a lifetime And it's more than My soul's content Wait for love To rest right beside me One last time [.]