Reginald the Vampire (2022) s02e03 Episode Script
The Truth About the Truth
1
Previously on "Reginald the Vampire"
You are not a man.
You are a monster.
You are a mistake that
requires correction.
You give me slushies, I
will protect you from harm,
ever and always.
It is imminent that celestial creatures,
purveyors of doom, shall
descend from the heavens.
You know I'm coming for you, right?
[GASPS]
I'm out of the game,
an ex-assassin, a former killer.
- What have you done?
- You can't see this.
But I did.
I am Balestro.
You have 30 days.
When the bell tolls midnight
on that day, I will return.
We have 30 days until
that angel comes back
and kills every one of us.
Celestial motherfucker!
Petulant scum of eternity?
It stings a little.
- 30 days?
- Do we believe him?
Uh, yeah. Dude was pretty convincing.
I remember a simpler time when
vampires were the big surprise.
I did not see angels coming,
or incubi, for that matter.
Well, he had wings.
Definitely rethinking
my atheism as we speak.
I told you so.
Balestro came to me first in my dreams,
making the case for our extinction.
Just like today.
Basically the same case.
So you're special.
- Or I'm a target.
- Maybe both.
[TENSE MUSIC]
We were supposed to change the world.
- And now our world is ending.
- Hey, Reggie.
You'll think of something.
You're special, man. Remember that.
Okay, maybe that's why
he came to you first.
The Assessment is
child's play in comparison
to the end of days!
That's true.
One month.
We can't tell a soul about this.
Vampires will not react well
to their expiration date.
Not the council, no one.
- So not to Sarah?
- No.
I mean, come on.
If you're gonna tell her
that half of her friend group
is condemned to certain doom
because an avenging angel
crashed our first council meeting
Yeah, I would take a little bit of time
to better understand the shape of that.
- [GROANS]
- Doom is not my favorite shape.
Reggie, I'm counting on your big brain.
Celestial motherfucker!
♪
Come back soon.
So how was Maurice's first
council meeting as deacon?
Great. Really good, actually.
It turns out Maurice is a natural.
So what could go wrong?
I can't stop thinking
about what Altus said.
Totally cool with the subject change.
I mean, for real.
Angels?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Not that angels have
anything to do with anything.
Why would you even talk about angels?
Because I can't stop thinking
about what Altus said,
that angels are coming,
and they're bringing disaster and woe.
He did say that,
but in my experience, woe
is an overrated concept.
Being raised to worship
angels is one thing.
Deciding it's all a lie is another.
But facing the actual reality of them,
it makes my head hurt.
Faith is a complicated master.
Reginald, I think Altus
is telling the truth.
And it scares me.
No, I felt that way,
too, but Maurice is right.
Incubi are notorious liars.
You can't really trust
anything they say.
And Altus is the
biggest liar of them all.
I hear tell that you are
wise in the ways of the world.
- Oh, hey.
- Slushy guy.
Right, slushy guy, hey.
I'm sorry. How did you hear tell?
There's a park ranger in
Shenandoah National Park
who was struck by lightning six times.
The odds of this occurring
are 4.15 in 1 with 33 zeros after it.
Ah.
Ah, I did say that.
It is an interesting fact.
It's not that interesting.
The world is full of interesting facts.
But these facts need to be
arranged in the proper order.
Please, teach me how
to live in this world.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm I'm
I'm not the expert you think
I am when it comes to life.
Trust me. Ask anyone.
I failed my mission.
And I failed my family.
I deserted them in order to
explore this wonderful place,
but I don't understand it.
♪
Ah, um
on the other hand, I may be
the life coach that you need.
♪
Quite the collection you got there.
These tokens are precious to me.
Right.
See, the thing is
The lesson commences now.
Uh, sure, let's commence.
Tokens are super cool.
- I agree.
- But there are more important things
other than tokens,
which is pretty obvious to anyone.
Please, reveal this truth to me.
Um
love makes the world go round?
I will remember this.
It is written.
I mean, in fact, the Earth goes round
because it inherited
the angular momentum
of the rotating disk of gas and dust
from which it formed.
But hey, love is a viable alternative.
Tell me more.
Be easier to just meet at the shack.
I don't want Sarah anywhere near this.
What's on your mind?
The friend zone.
Reggie, we've got bigger
issues at the moment, man.
You know this.
But I was just getting good
at it, being the better me.
But now that I'm facing
certain death again,
I have to lie to Sarah about it again.
Telling anyone the truth
is not an option right now.
We need to figure this thing out first.
Vampire Armageddon?
I can't believe our world is ending.
- I was just getting used to it.
- We're not dead yet.
- Technically speaking
- Reggie.
Your faith in me is touching
and baffling at the same time.
Reggie, again, first thing we need to do
is figure a way out of this, okay?
It's way too early to give up hope.
And I believe in you.
I believe in us.
[SIGHS] Right.
I hear you.
[SIGHS] Okay.
Solve for x. Altus shows up.
He tells us the angels are coming
and that they're bringing
calamity with them.
Then Balestro crashes
the council meeting
and confirms it.
Whoa, whoa, wait.
Wait, what?
Altus he knew the angels were coming.
It all starts with him.
Maybe he knows more than he's telling.
Work the problem.
♪
[WHIRRING]
What?
[GRUNTING]
Open wide.
[SCREAMING]
Ow!
[APPREHENSIVE MUSIC]
♪
[TENSE MUSIC]
You're probably wondering
why we brought you here.
You want to talk about
Balestro and the angels.
Stop that.
Sorry. Force of habit.
[CLEARS THROAT]
You knew the angel Balestro was coming.
You knew that he was
gonna give us 30 days
and then eradicate every
vampire on the planet.
You knew.
Well, I had a pretty good idea
based on available intel.
Sounds bad, by the way.
Okay, intel.
That's a start.
Look, we know you're a smart guy,
a big deal in the incubi community.
Oh, well, butter me up,
and I'll tell you anything.
In your informed opinion,
given everything you know,
everything you've heard,
what is the best way for us
to get out of the situation?
You can't.
We were hoping for a
more detailed response.
Oh, um, you're fucked.
Balestro is one of the original seven.
They divided the day and the night.
And the angels gave the day to
the humans, the vampires the night.
Tale as old as time.
- Also, Cain and Abel.
- Right.
But now Balestro wants
us dead because we failed
to evolve past our own hunger?
Hence the "fucked."
30 days, what does it mean?
That means you have 30
days to quail in fear,
choose to die by your
own hand, or, you know,
wait until you're fucked.
But why make us wait?
Angels like their rituals.
It's their thing.
Whoo-oo-ooh!
I shall return in 30 days.
Basically, angel dinner theater.
30 days.
Until you're fucked, yes.
Can we torture him?
Maybe a little torture would help.
You know, I'm nonviolent by
nature, but I gotta say
Maybe you didn't ask
me the right question.
Hmm?
Free will, it's a loophole.
Could be, maybe.
Go on.
Angels can't see the future.
They can't predict the
results of free will, outcome.
And believe me, they really hate that.
It's their only weakness.
So free will is your ace in
the hole if you use it right.
Because they'll never see it coming.
So we don't sit and wait.
- We prove our value.
- That sounds like a plan.
- I've got it!
- Bully for you.
May I go now?
We show Balestro that
our species can change,
that we can be better
than we were before,
as worthy as any
human, which ironically,
was our plan, right?
That was the dream.
Maybe that's why he targeted you.
- I can do it.
- Apparently, he can do it.
What are you gonna do?
I'll find a vampire, the
best possible test subject,
and then teach them to be humble,
become a creature of honor and hope.
I can't be the only exception, right?
I can make my own proof of concept
and show it to Balestro when he returns.
And he'll never see it coming.
The only thing is, we need a subject.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
♪
Oh, hell no.
- What's wrong?
- Leave me.
- Nikki.
- Leave!
You're in pain, and
I'm not going anywhere
until you tell me what happened.
I don't want to be by myself.
Well, you have a funny
way of showing it.
I don't want you to see me like this.
And yet, here I am with the seeing.
I've never felt so alone!
But that's what we've been
separate, alone.
I saw you kill a man
with a sword made of fire,
and then he disappeared,
and so did the sword.
I have questions, but
you refuse to answer them.
- And now whatever
- I can't tell you!
Killer-client confidentiality.
I don't know if we can
be together like that,
without honesty.
Please
[APPREHENSIVE MUSIC]
Stay with me.
Okay.
I'll call in sick.
♪
[SCREAMS]
Batman had all kinds of sidekicks
Dick Grayson the
original Robin, of course.
Jason Todd, murdered by the Joker.
Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, AKA Batgirl.
I'm just saying, if I knew my role,
I could probably play the
part more realistically.
Or we could just be you and me.
Not the easiest way to
go, but I'll do my best.
I'm getting really good at
lies of omission with Sarah,
and that's a skill set I'm not proud of.
Reggie, I'm sorry, okay?
But maybe you can just
look at it this way.
You could be saving Sarah
from some very bad things.
I wear the snug tights
of a hero with pride.
[SIGHS]
Reggie, do you honestly think
you can turn Angela into a
creature of honor and hope?
Because seriously, I think
that sounds insane to me.
So you're saying there's a chance?
I'm saying it sounds crazy.
If free will works the
way Altus says it does,
yeah, I think it can work.
Proof of concept.
But it's Angela we're
talking about here.
I embrace every challenge.
- [SNIFFS]
- What?
You smell that?
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
I've never seen anything
like this before.
That's because this is new.
Almost ripped their damn heads off.
Reggie, a vampire did this.
It didn't bother to glamour their food,
didn't bother to hide
what they left behind.
Chaos in the vampire community.
There's a monster on the loose in Akron.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Sorry about the wait.
Thanks for being patient.
Oh.
No.
All better now.
Hey, it's slushy guy.
You are in peril.
Well, um, you know,
Ashley called in sick,
and they're never sick.
And Reginald didn't show, so yeah.
It's just a long line of
dissatisfied customers.
Pineapple surprise, right?
I will help you.
Excuse me?
You need help until your friends return.
I love the drink you call slushy.
I've watched you prepare
them now for 37 days.
I can help you prepare them.
I will serve by your side.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Well, um
Welcome to the Slushy Shack.
How may I help you?
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Oh, right on time.
And she brought snacks!
Mm, ha-ha. They towed my home away.
Look, if you want to try and teach me
to live a life both honest
and true, good luck with that.
By the way, I'm gonna
need accommodations.
That's fair. I'll sleep on the couch.
That's cool.
I'll you know, we
can be roommates or
- Ground rules
- first, I get the bedroom.
That's yeah, I figured that already.
Second, I reserve the right
to abandon this crazy bullshit
at the time of my choosing.
It's not entirely crazy
And third, you are not the boss of me.
Nobody is the boss of me.
As previously established.
Great.
Um, I know you think
this is crazy, but I
I believe that your
transformation is proof
that we can evolve and
that Balestro doesn't have
to kill every single one of us.
But what's in it for me?
Okay.
Challenge accepted.
Are you sure you
haven't done this before?
I watched you closely.
I committed every task to memory.
It feels like destiny to me.
I've been thinking that
destiny is a beach in Mexico.
I don't know what you
mean when you say "beach."
It feels like freedom to me
the sand, the ocean,
the way that the future
is on the horizon.
It's there for the taking.
[PENSIVE MUSIC]
Is that weird?
It sounds like heaven.
There it is again, safe and secure.
Would you like to see
an object in the shape
of God's messenger?
What now?
It provides a delicious treat.
In truth, it may be
a cherub of some kind.
But if you tilt his head
back, he gives you a surprise.
All right. Go on.
Imagine if all God's
messengers gave us candy.
Well, here comes the blood.
Hey.
Henry James,
all-star 19th and early
20th century novelist
I gotta say, "The Golden
Bull" was a bridge too far
for my liking once said, and I quote,
"There are three things
important in life.
"The first is to be kind.
"The second is to be kind.
And the third is to be kind."
I think I'm gonna
need a minute to digest
something this complicated.
So he's saying it's
important to be kind?
Okay, the point
The repetition just seems unnecessary.
Right, but
And you read every book he ever wrote?
- It was a long afternoon.
- Nerd.
Okay, hang on.
Strength is great, everyone agrees.
But kindness can be as strong as steel.
It can vanquish any enemy.
Bullshit.
Henry James is always on point.
A slaver in Barbados, a priest in Rome,
a Turk in Ottoman, a
railroad bull in Philly,
vampire killer in Great Falls
All walk into a bar and then punch line?
It's not a joke, Reginald.
- Sorry.
- Those were men.
Every one of them a man
who wanted to capture me,
keep me, or kill me.
They were not stopped by kindness.
It would not vanquish them like steel.
My sharp teeth are the
only thing that saved me.
Well, that and a willingness
to rip out their hearts,
which I then ate.
Copy that.
[WATER PATTERING]
- Where's Angela?
- In the shower.
She loves her showers.
I'm aware.
Oh, how about you?
You find the monster of Akron yet?
He is a monster, Reggie.
- More bodies?
- Every night.
Same method, same carelessness
messes I clean up.
Oh, how about we make
a murder scene grid
- to see if there's a pattern?
- Do that.
This is on me in more ways than one.
You are the deacon now.
If there's panic in my community,
I need to stop it.
Reggie, this is exactly what
Balestro's talking about.
Exhibit A for our own destruction.
Well, I don't think murder
is the best redemption strategy, though.
- How's it going with Angela?
- Baby steps, I guess.
- Angela's no baby.
- No, she's not.
She's stubborn, argumentative,
and completely immune to
the beauty of my logic.
Sounds about right.
[SUGGESTIVE MUSIC]
Hey.
I like the robe.
You busy?
I got time.
Ugh.
Yeah, sure. Why not?
Have a vampire sex break.
It's not like we have 28
days till the apocalypse.
God.
And you know, no more showers!
There's never enough hot
water available to me anyway.
[ANGELA LAUGHING]
Calling Mr. Crowell. Please report
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Come in.
- Next subject.
Hibbert, Angela
[LATCH CLICKS]
Plasma extraction, night shift.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Please don't move.
Reaction time is a factor,
so please pay attention.
Answer as quickly as you can.
I hate tests.
You're in a desert,
walking along the sand.
Why would I want to walk in the desert?
It's too hot.
It doesn't make any difference.
It's completely hypothetical.
You look down, and you see a tortoise.
Oh, good. Soup.
You reach down, and you flip
the tortoise onto its back.
No earthly reason I
would do that, but hey.
The tortoise lays on its back,
belly baking in the hot sun.
Pretty sure it lies.
Beating its legs, trying
to turn itself back,
but it can't.
Not without your help.
But you're not helping.
I'm not the evil monster
that you think I am.
Pretty sure I'd flip that
little sucker right over.
And why is that, Angela?
I just said I'd flip it over.
Shall we move on?
Describe in single words
only the good things
that come to mind about your mother.
My mother?
There you go, totally on book.
Let me tell you about my mother.
[SCREAMING]
Whoa.
I definitely need a new
personal growth strategy.
You ever seen "Blade Runner"?
I don't go to the movies much.
Seemed like it.
[SIGHS]
Thanks. Have a good night.
What happened to your fancy coat?
It seemed unnecessary.
Pretty much your uniform.
I no longer serve in any army.
How can I help you?
I'm afraid there's not much you can do.
You would be surprised.
It's just, Ashley took another day.
So fine.
But Reginald just ghosted,
and he's not responding
to any of my texts.
Like, sure, we're on a break.
But that doesn't mean that I don't worry
when he does that because
it usually means trouble.
What kind of trouble?
I don't know.
I mean, I know when he's
not telling me the truth.
And I know that he's doing it again.
But I don't know the reason why.
Reginald knows a great
deal about the wide world.
Hmm. Less than you think, but sure.
I cannot imagine any possible reason
why he would not tell you the truth.
There's something about you
that I can't quite put my finger on.
[SIGHS]
But you're right.
Nothing is more important than that.
[PENSIVE MUSIC]
♪
- Oh, hi, Sarah.
- You?
- Me.
- Hey, Sarah.
Hi, long time no see.
I feel like it's been
a long time, right?
- Where have you been?
- Uh, you know, here, there.
You didn't answer any of my texts.
I expected you at work.
Today? I thought Ashley was working.
I mean, I thought I had the day off.
- I could be mistaken.
- Don't fuck around with me!
Is that my robe?
Oh, that old thing?
I mean, maybe you
might have left it here.
It does look familiar.
Reginald, is this some type
of weird pansexual vampire sex thing?
Oh!
I would rather walk into the sun.
She would rather walk into the sun.
Obviously, so would I.
Definitely not happening.
I thought we were
getting to a good place,
like, where we could
be real with each other?
No more games, no more lies.
- Yes, yes.
- I feel exactly the same way.
She glamoured me to kill you.
For which she is very, very sorry.
Hmm, no, I'm not.
Reginald, you're lying to me again.
I can tell.
And not just because Angela is wearing
my robe in your apartment.
There's something else going on,
and I came here to demand
that you tell me what it is.
Just tell me.
[SIGHS] Can we talk about this later?
I'm sorry.
I just have so much
on my plate right now.
It's just not the right time!
[SIGHS]
♪
Wow.
Be kind, be kind, be kind.
Okay.
I've tried to change you.
I failed.
Not even an inch of change.
I've tried Henry James.
I've tried "Blade Runner."
All because I thought I could
work from the inside out.
Doesn't that make sense?
No, Reginald.
None of it makes sense
because it's idiotic.
Fine.
You know what we'll do next?
I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
Listen to me.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
[APPREHENSIVE MUSIC]
♪
I'm sorry.
We are closed, but
only for a short while.
Sarah will be back soon.
Good. Makes it easier to talk.
What would you like to talk about?
What the hell is happening to me?
- I don't know.
- I think you do.
I'm having nightmares that
are worse than nightmares.
Oh, and by the way,
usually I'm the nightmare,
so this is a new experience for me.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna need a little more than that.
Every time I look into the mirror,
I see rot and decay,
like I'm dying from the inside out.
Taking the life of an angel
is a complicated matter.
There are consequences
for killing the divine.
[LAUGHS]
Do you think maybe you
should have told me that
in the first place?
It was the only way
to save Sarah's life.
How do I stop it?
What's the cure?
You are the cure.
I need an angel right
now, not a fortune cookie.
I am not a cookie.
♪
Please.
You will heal when you earn healing.
I wish this was easier to understand,
but it is the only way.
♪
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
What do you got here?
A simple grid
every murder scene that you found.
The bloody aftermath.
Yeah, but get this.
See, our guy is, like, not
even trying to hide his tracks.
Clearly with every kill,
he's just working his way
through the heart of the city.
So tonight, if he keeps the pattern,
we can be there waiting
for him right here.
- We?
- Well, sure.
To take your mind off your problems.
Understanding that this
is an inexact science,
it might just be a coincidence.
I don't need exact, Reggie.
I just need to be close enough
to hear his victim scream.
Where's Angela?
Who?
Reggie?
She's, uh asleep.
[LAUGHS] She sleeps, she showers.
She refuses to listen to any word I say.
But don't worry.
I'm actually working on
this transformative option
that's yielding some
pretty good results.
Hey, guys.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
Reginald, what the fuck did you do?
♪
- Fix this.
- Okay, hear me out.
Hear you out?
Reggie, I'm about to
knock you on your ass.
Perfectly acceptable reaction.
Do you guys feel like a picnic?
It's such a lovely day, just super.
- Just super?
- Okay, look.
I tried and failed to change
her in any significant way.
She was just too strong for that.
And now she feels like a picnic.
Which is sweet.
I mean, who doesn't love a picnic?
- Reggie.
- Okay.
We need to show Balestro
that we can change, right?
I just skipped a few steps.
I'll make sandwiches, ham and Swiss.
No. You didn't skip a few steps.
You glamoured her.
And that's not even the worst part.
You glamoured her to be Sarah.
Any idea how messed up that is?
Okay, yes, when you say it out loud.
Right, yes. It's
I was desperate, okay?
And it just felt like a viable solution.
I just love the way that
the savory cheese combines
with the flavor of the meat.
It is [SMACKS LIPS]
Ham and cheese is good for you?
After all, it's a lovely day, right?
Okay, I see what you're doing.
Glamour her back.
I still think that, no
matter how crazy it seems,
this is the best way to prove
Do it now.
Fine.
[SIGHS]
Hello, Angela.
Hi, Reginald.
Oh, God.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Listen to me.
Forget everything I told you.
When I let go of your
arm, you will be Angela,
and only Angela,
exactly the way you're supposed to be.
♪
Oh, I am going to rip the
heart out of your chest.
No, I'm gonna skin you
alive with my fingernails.
Hey.
Welcome come back, Ange.
Hey.
How long have you been sitting there?
You were talking in your sleep.
Also crying.
There was some shouting too.
Sorry.
I'll stay here as
long as you need me to.
I broke my promise to you.
I killed again.
I did it because it is in my nature.
I did it to protect a friend,
but mostly I did it
because it is in my nature.
I'm a killer diller.
That's who I've been
for a very long time.
But I understand
that's a difficult thing
for you to accept.
And when I promised you that
I will never kill again, I
I meant every word.
I understand if you don't believe me,
but I promise I will never kill again.
And that's a promise
I already broke once,
but I'm still getting used
to making all the promises.
And I'm going to do
everything I can to keep it.
Unless, of course, if
someone threatens you.
Then there will be blood.
Also mayhem, and off with
their head shenanigans.
Off with their heads?
Remind me to tell you
about the French Revolution sometime.
Robespierre, what an asshole.
You have so many stories.
I have 221 secrets.
First, I want to hear
every one of your secrets.
Okay, second, I believe you.
You do?
Okay, third, I love you.
- I was hoping.
- Okay, fourth
I was okay at "I love you."
Fourth
I forgive you.
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
- You saw what now?
- My face, it was rotting.
It was horrible.
So yard sale magic dresser mirror.
Love that trope.
Something like that.
You look pretty good to me.
♪
"You will heal when you earn healing."
Not familiar with the quote,
but I like the way it sounds.
But I didn't do anything to earn it.
Maybe healing is like love.
Go on.
You don't earn it.
You accept it.
You are very smart.
Also very corny.
That's me.
Okay, fifth.
I love you too.
Okay, this is the place, more or less.
Place and time.
Yeah.
Dude is definitely a creature of habit.
It's almost like he wants to get caught.
[METAL CLATTERING] [PERSON SCREAMING]
Reg, you hear that?
- Yeah.
- [SLURPING]
Follow me.
[SLURPING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
- Ah.
- Angela?
Hello, lover.
Angela, what the fuck were you thinking?
I wasn't thinking,
Maurice. I was feeding.
I guess we can forget being an avatar
for how the vampire
species can evolve, huh?
Oh. So the clothes aren't working.
Is that what you're saying?
You're undead proof
that the vampire species
doesn't deserve to survive.
You're the reason angels
want to kill us all.
I have spent so many
years fighting to survive.
And I survived.
I did whatever I had
to do to ensure that.
I even left you.
I can't stand the way that I feel.
I I feel helpless!
I'm gonna die because a fucking angel
showed out of nowhere and said so.
How is that possible? How is that fair?
- Nobody said it was fair.
- Oh, fuck that.
If I'm gonna die, then I
am going out on my terms
in a sea of blood.
This is me!
And this is what I do.
You can't stop me. Nobody can.
I mean, we should try.
Like, I feel that's
something we should do, right?
- No.
- What?
[SOFT APPREHENSIVE MUSIC]
I feel helpless too.
And it fills me with rage too.
If you want to go out
in a sea of blood, okay.
[SOBBING]
♪
Shower?
Not sure she can wash it off,
not everything.
[SIGHS]
What if Angela's right?
I don't think ripping off heads
is the right way to go right now.
She's just trying to live
out the rest of her days
the best way she can.
That's not good enough, Maurice.
The rest of our days?
That's not good enough!
We can't just give up.
- No retreat, no surrender?
- That's right!
We're gonna figure a way out of this
because that's what we do.
And we have not yet begun to fight
because that's what you say
right before you start fighting.
Fight the angels, you mean?
If that's what it takes,
then that's what it takes.
Turns out I'm a fighter and a lover.
[LAUGHS] A lover?
- Really?
- I've had my moments.
Sarah?
[CHUCKLES]
I remember the day we first met,
the night we first kissed,
the first time we shared a bed.
I have perfect recall
when it comes to her.
Enhanced vampire abilities.
No, I had it the moment we met.
Everything she does is
written inside of me,
and I can read it like a book.
[SOFT MUSIC]
- Tell her, Reggie.
- Tell her everything.
What?
Look, I'm the one who made you
promise to keep that secret.
Okay, that's on me.
But after tonight,
seeing Angela like that,
I was wrong.
And look, I know.
I believe we can win this fight.
But what if we don't?
I feel like we should
go out on our own terms.
♪
I love her.
Yeah, you do.
Sarah deserves to know
the truth about the angels.
I'm gonna tell her everything
and let the chips fall where they may.
I know what happiness looks like.
But the way you look right
now, this is different.
You don't want to hear my problems.
But I do.
That's the only way I can help you.
The problem with not letting go
is that you're still hanging on.
I don't understand.
When it comes to Reginald
He is wise in the ways of the world.
Yes, he is.
But I'm just not letting go.
Maybe the truth the truth of him,
maybe that's none of
my business anymore.
I can't hold him to a
standard of how we used to be.
But I don't know how to deal with that
because he used to be my person.
And now he's not.
I understand now.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
This is what sadness looks like.
No shit.
What are you doing now?
It is time I revealed
my true nature to you.
Did you say true nature?
I owe you the truth.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[GASPS]
Seriously?
I was born to haunt you ♪
[HOWLING SLAYER'S "I
WAS BORN TO HAUNT YOU"]
Terrorize ♪
Terrorize you through and through ♪
Why, I was born ♪
To haunt you ♪
And you were born to haunt me too ♪
♪
Previously on "Reginald the Vampire"
You are not a man.
You are a monster.
You are a mistake that
requires correction.
You give me slushies, I
will protect you from harm,
ever and always.
It is imminent that celestial creatures,
purveyors of doom, shall
descend from the heavens.
You know I'm coming for you, right?
[GASPS]
I'm out of the game,
an ex-assassin, a former killer.
- What have you done?
- You can't see this.
But I did.
I am Balestro.
You have 30 days.
When the bell tolls midnight
on that day, I will return.
We have 30 days until
that angel comes back
and kills every one of us.
Celestial motherfucker!
Petulant scum of eternity?
It stings a little.
- 30 days?
- Do we believe him?
Uh, yeah. Dude was pretty convincing.
I remember a simpler time when
vampires were the big surprise.
I did not see angels coming,
or incubi, for that matter.
Well, he had wings.
Definitely rethinking
my atheism as we speak.
I told you so.
Balestro came to me first in my dreams,
making the case for our extinction.
Just like today.
Basically the same case.
So you're special.
- Or I'm a target.
- Maybe both.
[TENSE MUSIC]
We were supposed to change the world.
- And now our world is ending.
- Hey, Reggie.
You'll think of something.
You're special, man. Remember that.
Okay, maybe that's why
he came to you first.
The Assessment is
child's play in comparison
to the end of days!
That's true.
One month.
We can't tell a soul about this.
Vampires will not react well
to their expiration date.
Not the council, no one.
- So not to Sarah?
- No.
I mean, come on.
If you're gonna tell her
that half of her friend group
is condemned to certain doom
because an avenging angel
crashed our first council meeting
Yeah, I would take a little bit of time
to better understand the shape of that.
- [GROANS]
- Doom is not my favorite shape.
Reggie, I'm counting on your big brain.
Celestial motherfucker!
♪
Come back soon.
So how was Maurice's first
council meeting as deacon?
Great. Really good, actually.
It turns out Maurice is a natural.
So what could go wrong?
I can't stop thinking
about what Altus said.
Totally cool with the subject change.
I mean, for real.
Angels?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Not that angels have
anything to do with anything.
Why would you even talk about angels?
Because I can't stop thinking
about what Altus said,
that angels are coming,
and they're bringing disaster and woe.
He did say that,
but in my experience, woe
is an overrated concept.
Being raised to worship
angels is one thing.
Deciding it's all a lie is another.
But facing the actual reality of them,
it makes my head hurt.
Faith is a complicated master.
Reginald, I think Altus
is telling the truth.
And it scares me.
No, I felt that way,
too, but Maurice is right.
Incubi are notorious liars.
You can't really trust
anything they say.
And Altus is the
biggest liar of them all.
I hear tell that you are
wise in the ways of the world.
- Oh, hey.
- Slushy guy.
Right, slushy guy, hey.
I'm sorry. How did you hear tell?
There's a park ranger in
Shenandoah National Park
who was struck by lightning six times.
The odds of this occurring
are 4.15 in 1 with 33 zeros after it.
Ah.
Ah, I did say that.
It is an interesting fact.
It's not that interesting.
The world is full of interesting facts.
But these facts need to be
arranged in the proper order.
Please, teach me how
to live in this world.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm I'm
I'm not the expert you think
I am when it comes to life.
Trust me. Ask anyone.
I failed my mission.
And I failed my family.
I deserted them in order to
explore this wonderful place,
but I don't understand it.
♪
Ah, um
on the other hand, I may be
the life coach that you need.
♪
Quite the collection you got there.
These tokens are precious to me.
Right.
See, the thing is
The lesson commences now.
Uh, sure, let's commence.
Tokens are super cool.
- I agree.
- But there are more important things
other than tokens,
which is pretty obvious to anyone.
Please, reveal this truth to me.
Um
love makes the world go round?
I will remember this.
It is written.
I mean, in fact, the Earth goes round
because it inherited
the angular momentum
of the rotating disk of gas and dust
from which it formed.
But hey, love is a viable alternative.
Tell me more.
Be easier to just meet at the shack.
I don't want Sarah anywhere near this.
What's on your mind?
The friend zone.
Reggie, we've got bigger
issues at the moment, man.
You know this.
But I was just getting good
at it, being the better me.
But now that I'm facing
certain death again,
I have to lie to Sarah about it again.
Telling anyone the truth
is not an option right now.
We need to figure this thing out first.
Vampire Armageddon?
I can't believe our world is ending.
- I was just getting used to it.
- We're not dead yet.
- Technically speaking
- Reggie.
Your faith in me is touching
and baffling at the same time.
Reggie, again, first thing we need to do
is figure a way out of this, okay?
It's way too early to give up hope.
And I believe in you.
I believe in us.
[SIGHS] Right.
I hear you.
[SIGHS] Okay.
Solve for x. Altus shows up.
He tells us the angels are coming
and that they're bringing
calamity with them.
Then Balestro crashes
the council meeting
and confirms it.
Whoa, whoa, wait.
Wait, what?
Altus he knew the angels were coming.
It all starts with him.
Maybe he knows more than he's telling.
Work the problem.
♪
[WHIRRING]
What?
[GRUNTING]
Open wide.
[SCREAMING]
Ow!
[APPREHENSIVE MUSIC]
♪
[TENSE MUSIC]
You're probably wondering
why we brought you here.
You want to talk about
Balestro and the angels.
Stop that.
Sorry. Force of habit.
[CLEARS THROAT]
You knew the angel Balestro was coming.
You knew that he was
gonna give us 30 days
and then eradicate every
vampire on the planet.
You knew.
Well, I had a pretty good idea
based on available intel.
Sounds bad, by the way.
Okay, intel.
That's a start.
Look, we know you're a smart guy,
a big deal in the incubi community.
Oh, well, butter me up,
and I'll tell you anything.
In your informed opinion,
given everything you know,
everything you've heard,
what is the best way for us
to get out of the situation?
You can't.
We were hoping for a
more detailed response.
Oh, um, you're fucked.
Balestro is one of the original seven.
They divided the day and the night.
And the angels gave the day to
the humans, the vampires the night.
Tale as old as time.
- Also, Cain and Abel.
- Right.
But now Balestro wants
us dead because we failed
to evolve past our own hunger?
Hence the "fucked."
30 days, what does it mean?
That means you have 30
days to quail in fear,
choose to die by your
own hand, or, you know,
wait until you're fucked.
But why make us wait?
Angels like their rituals.
It's their thing.
Whoo-oo-ooh!
I shall return in 30 days.
Basically, angel dinner theater.
30 days.
Until you're fucked, yes.
Can we torture him?
Maybe a little torture would help.
You know, I'm nonviolent by
nature, but I gotta say
Maybe you didn't ask
me the right question.
Hmm?
Free will, it's a loophole.
Could be, maybe.
Go on.
Angels can't see the future.
They can't predict the
results of free will, outcome.
And believe me, they really hate that.
It's their only weakness.
So free will is your ace in
the hole if you use it right.
Because they'll never see it coming.
So we don't sit and wait.
- We prove our value.
- That sounds like a plan.
- I've got it!
- Bully for you.
May I go now?
We show Balestro that
our species can change,
that we can be better
than we were before,
as worthy as any
human, which ironically,
was our plan, right?
That was the dream.
Maybe that's why he targeted you.
- I can do it.
- Apparently, he can do it.
What are you gonna do?
I'll find a vampire, the
best possible test subject,
and then teach them to be humble,
become a creature of honor and hope.
I can't be the only exception, right?
I can make my own proof of concept
and show it to Balestro when he returns.
And he'll never see it coming.
The only thing is, we need a subject.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
♪
Oh, hell no.
- What's wrong?
- Leave me.
- Nikki.
- Leave!
You're in pain, and
I'm not going anywhere
until you tell me what happened.
I don't want to be by myself.
Well, you have a funny
way of showing it.
I don't want you to see me like this.
And yet, here I am with the seeing.
I've never felt so alone!
But that's what we've been
separate, alone.
I saw you kill a man
with a sword made of fire,
and then he disappeared,
and so did the sword.
I have questions, but
you refuse to answer them.
- And now whatever
- I can't tell you!
Killer-client confidentiality.
I don't know if we can
be together like that,
without honesty.
Please
[APPREHENSIVE MUSIC]
Stay with me.
Okay.
I'll call in sick.
♪
[SCREAMS]
Batman had all kinds of sidekicks
Dick Grayson the
original Robin, of course.
Jason Todd, murdered by the Joker.
Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, AKA Batgirl.
I'm just saying, if I knew my role,
I could probably play the
part more realistically.
Or we could just be you and me.
Not the easiest way to
go, but I'll do my best.
I'm getting really good at
lies of omission with Sarah,
and that's a skill set I'm not proud of.
Reggie, I'm sorry, okay?
But maybe you can just
look at it this way.
You could be saving Sarah
from some very bad things.
I wear the snug tights
of a hero with pride.
[SIGHS]
Reggie, do you honestly think
you can turn Angela into a
creature of honor and hope?
Because seriously, I think
that sounds insane to me.
So you're saying there's a chance?
I'm saying it sounds crazy.
If free will works the
way Altus says it does,
yeah, I think it can work.
Proof of concept.
But it's Angela we're
talking about here.
I embrace every challenge.
- [SNIFFS]
- What?
You smell that?
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
I've never seen anything
like this before.
That's because this is new.
Almost ripped their damn heads off.
Reggie, a vampire did this.
It didn't bother to glamour their food,
didn't bother to hide
what they left behind.
Chaos in the vampire community.
There's a monster on the loose in Akron.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Sorry about the wait.
Thanks for being patient.
Oh.
No.
All better now.
Hey, it's slushy guy.
You are in peril.
Well, um, you know,
Ashley called in sick,
and they're never sick.
And Reginald didn't show, so yeah.
It's just a long line of
dissatisfied customers.
Pineapple surprise, right?
I will help you.
Excuse me?
You need help until your friends return.
I love the drink you call slushy.
I've watched you prepare
them now for 37 days.
I can help you prepare them.
I will serve by your side.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Well, um
Welcome to the Slushy Shack.
How may I help you?
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Oh, right on time.
And she brought snacks!
Mm, ha-ha. They towed my home away.
Look, if you want to try and teach me
to live a life both honest
and true, good luck with that.
By the way, I'm gonna
need accommodations.
That's fair. I'll sleep on the couch.
That's cool.
I'll you know, we
can be roommates or
- Ground rules
- first, I get the bedroom.
That's yeah, I figured that already.
Second, I reserve the right
to abandon this crazy bullshit
at the time of my choosing.
It's not entirely crazy
And third, you are not the boss of me.
Nobody is the boss of me.
As previously established.
Great.
Um, I know you think
this is crazy, but I
I believe that your
transformation is proof
that we can evolve and
that Balestro doesn't have
to kill every single one of us.
But what's in it for me?
Okay.
Challenge accepted.
Are you sure you
haven't done this before?
I watched you closely.
I committed every task to memory.
It feels like destiny to me.
I've been thinking that
destiny is a beach in Mexico.
I don't know what you
mean when you say "beach."
It feels like freedom to me
the sand, the ocean,
the way that the future
is on the horizon.
It's there for the taking.
[PENSIVE MUSIC]
Is that weird?
It sounds like heaven.
There it is again, safe and secure.
Would you like to see
an object in the shape
of God's messenger?
What now?
It provides a delicious treat.
In truth, it may be
a cherub of some kind.
But if you tilt his head
back, he gives you a surprise.
All right. Go on.
Imagine if all God's
messengers gave us candy.
Well, here comes the blood.
Hey.
Henry James,
all-star 19th and early
20th century novelist
I gotta say, "The Golden
Bull" was a bridge too far
for my liking once said, and I quote,
"There are three things
important in life.
"The first is to be kind.
"The second is to be kind.
And the third is to be kind."
I think I'm gonna
need a minute to digest
something this complicated.
So he's saying it's
important to be kind?
Okay, the point
The repetition just seems unnecessary.
Right, but
And you read every book he ever wrote?
- It was a long afternoon.
- Nerd.
Okay, hang on.
Strength is great, everyone agrees.
But kindness can be as strong as steel.
It can vanquish any enemy.
Bullshit.
Henry James is always on point.
A slaver in Barbados, a priest in Rome,
a Turk in Ottoman, a
railroad bull in Philly,
vampire killer in Great Falls
All walk into a bar and then punch line?
It's not a joke, Reginald.
- Sorry.
- Those were men.
Every one of them a man
who wanted to capture me,
keep me, or kill me.
They were not stopped by kindness.
It would not vanquish them like steel.
My sharp teeth are the
only thing that saved me.
Well, that and a willingness
to rip out their hearts,
which I then ate.
Copy that.
[WATER PATTERING]
- Where's Angela?
- In the shower.
She loves her showers.
I'm aware.
Oh, how about you?
You find the monster of Akron yet?
He is a monster, Reggie.
- More bodies?
- Every night.
Same method, same carelessness
messes I clean up.
Oh, how about we make
a murder scene grid
- to see if there's a pattern?
- Do that.
This is on me in more ways than one.
You are the deacon now.
If there's panic in my community,
I need to stop it.
Reggie, this is exactly what
Balestro's talking about.
Exhibit A for our own destruction.
Well, I don't think murder
is the best redemption strategy, though.
- How's it going with Angela?
- Baby steps, I guess.
- Angela's no baby.
- No, she's not.
She's stubborn, argumentative,
and completely immune to
the beauty of my logic.
Sounds about right.
[SUGGESTIVE MUSIC]
Hey.
I like the robe.
You busy?
I got time.
Ugh.
Yeah, sure. Why not?
Have a vampire sex break.
It's not like we have 28
days till the apocalypse.
God.
And you know, no more showers!
There's never enough hot
water available to me anyway.
[ANGELA LAUGHING]
Calling Mr. Crowell. Please report
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Come in.
- Next subject.
Hibbert, Angela
[LATCH CLICKS]
Plasma extraction, night shift.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Please don't move.
Reaction time is a factor,
so please pay attention.
Answer as quickly as you can.
I hate tests.
You're in a desert,
walking along the sand.
Why would I want to walk in the desert?
It's too hot.
It doesn't make any difference.
It's completely hypothetical.
You look down, and you see a tortoise.
Oh, good. Soup.
You reach down, and you flip
the tortoise onto its back.
No earthly reason I
would do that, but hey.
The tortoise lays on its back,
belly baking in the hot sun.
Pretty sure it lies.
Beating its legs, trying
to turn itself back,
but it can't.
Not without your help.
But you're not helping.
I'm not the evil monster
that you think I am.
Pretty sure I'd flip that
little sucker right over.
And why is that, Angela?
I just said I'd flip it over.
Shall we move on?
Describe in single words
only the good things
that come to mind about your mother.
My mother?
There you go, totally on book.
Let me tell you about my mother.
[SCREAMING]
Whoa.
I definitely need a new
personal growth strategy.
You ever seen "Blade Runner"?
I don't go to the movies much.
Seemed like it.
[SIGHS]
Thanks. Have a good night.
What happened to your fancy coat?
It seemed unnecessary.
Pretty much your uniform.
I no longer serve in any army.
How can I help you?
I'm afraid there's not much you can do.
You would be surprised.
It's just, Ashley took another day.
So fine.
But Reginald just ghosted,
and he's not responding
to any of my texts.
Like, sure, we're on a break.
But that doesn't mean that I don't worry
when he does that because
it usually means trouble.
What kind of trouble?
I don't know.
I mean, I know when he's
not telling me the truth.
And I know that he's doing it again.
But I don't know the reason why.
Reginald knows a great
deal about the wide world.
Hmm. Less than you think, but sure.
I cannot imagine any possible reason
why he would not tell you the truth.
There's something about you
that I can't quite put my finger on.
[SIGHS]
But you're right.
Nothing is more important than that.
[PENSIVE MUSIC]
♪
- Oh, hi, Sarah.
- You?
- Me.
- Hey, Sarah.
Hi, long time no see.
I feel like it's been
a long time, right?
- Where have you been?
- Uh, you know, here, there.
You didn't answer any of my texts.
I expected you at work.
Today? I thought Ashley was working.
I mean, I thought I had the day off.
- I could be mistaken.
- Don't fuck around with me!
Is that my robe?
Oh, that old thing?
I mean, maybe you
might have left it here.
It does look familiar.
Reginald, is this some type
of weird pansexual vampire sex thing?
Oh!
I would rather walk into the sun.
She would rather walk into the sun.
Obviously, so would I.
Definitely not happening.
I thought we were
getting to a good place,
like, where we could
be real with each other?
No more games, no more lies.
- Yes, yes.
- I feel exactly the same way.
She glamoured me to kill you.
For which she is very, very sorry.
Hmm, no, I'm not.
Reginald, you're lying to me again.
I can tell.
And not just because Angela is wearing
my robe in your apartment.
There's something else going on,
and I came here to demand
that you tell me what it is.
Just tell me.
[SIGHS] Can we talk about this later?
I'm sorry.
I just have so much
on my plate right now.
It's just not the right time!
[SIGHS]
♪
Wow.
Be kind, be kind, be kind.
Okay.
I've tried to change you.
I failed.
Not even an inch of change.
I've tried Henry James.
I've tried "Blade Runner."
All because I thought I could
work from the inside out.
Doesn't that make sense?
No, Reginald.
None of it makes sense
because it's idiotic.
Fine.
You know what we'll do next?
I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
Listen to me.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
[APPREHENSIVE MUSIC]
♪
I'm sorry.
We are closed, but
only for a short while.
Sarah will be back soon.
Good. Makes it easier to talk.
What would you like to talk about?
What the hell is happening to me?
- I don't know.
- I think you do.
I'm having nightmares that
are worse than nightmares.
Oh, and by the way,
usually I'm the nightmare,
so this is a new experience for me.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna need a little more than that.
Every time I look into the mirror,
I see rot and decay,
like I'm dying from the inside out.
Taking the life of an angel
is a complicated matter.
There are consequences
for killing the divine.
[LAUGHS]
Do you think maybe you
should have told me that
in the first place?
It was the only way
to save Sarah's life.
How do I stop it?
What's the cure?
You are the cure.
I need an angel right
now, not a fortune cookie.
I am not a cookie.
♪
Please.
You will heal when you earn healing.
I wish this was easier to understand,
but it is the only way.
♪
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
What do you got here?
A simple grid
every murder scene that you found.
The bloody aftermath.
Yeah, but get this.
See, our guy is, like, not
even trying to hide his tracks.
Clearly with every kill,
he's just working his way
through the heart of the city.
So tonight, if he keeps the pattern,
we can be there waiting
for him right here.
- We?
- Well, sure.
To take your mind off your problems.
Understanding that this
is an inexact science,
it might just be a coincidence.
I don't need exact, Reggie.
I just need to be close enough
to hear his victim scream.
Where's Angela?
Who?
Reggie?
She's, uh asleep.
[LAUGHS] She sleeps, she showers.
She refuses to listen to any word I say.
But don't worry.
I'm actually working on
this transformative option
that's yielding some
pretty good results.
Hey, guys.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
Reginald, what the fuck did you do?
♪
- Fix this.
- Okay, hear me out.
Hear you out?
Reggie, I'm about to
knock you on your ass.
Perfectly acceptable reaction.
Do you guys feel like a picnic?
It's such a lovely day, just super.
- Just super?
- Okay, look.
I tried and failed to change
her in any significant way.
She was just too strong for that.
And now she feels like a picnic.
Which is sweet.
I mean, who doesn't love a picnic?
- Reggie.
- Okay.
We need to show Balestro
that we can change, right?
I just skipped a few steps.
I'll make sandwiches, ham and Swiss.
No. You didn't skip a few steps.
You glamoured her.
And that's not even the worst part.
You glamoured her to be Sarah.
Any idea how messed up that is?
Okay, yes, when you say it out loud.
Right, yes. It's
I was desperate, okay?
And it just felt like a viable solution.
I just love the way that
the savory cheese combines
with the flavor of the meat.
It is [SMACKS LIPS]
Ham and cheese is good for you?
After all, it's a lovely day, right?
Okay, I see what you're doing.
Glamour her back.
I still think that, no
matter how crazy it seems,
this is the best way to prove
Do it now.
Fine.
[SIGHS]
Hello, Angela.
Hi, Reginald.
Oh, God.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Listen to me.
Forget everything I told you.
When I let go of your
arm, you will be Angela,
and only Angela,
exactly the way you're supposed to be.
♪
Oh, I am going to rip the
heart out of your chest.
No, I'm gonna skin you
alive with my fingernails.
Hey.
Welcome come back, Ange.
Hey.
How long have you been sitting there?
You were talking in your sleep.
Also crying.
There was some shouting too.
Sorry.
I'll stay here as
long as you need me to.
I broke my promise to you.
I killed again.
I did it because it is in my nature.
I did it to protect a friend,
but mostly I did it
because it is in my nature.
I'm a killer diller.
That's who I've been
for a very long time.
But I understand
that's a difficult thing
for you to accept.
And when I promised you that
I will never kill again, I
I meant every word.
I understand if you don't believe me,
but I promise I will never kill again.
And that's a promise
I already broke once,
but I'm still getting used
to making all the promises.
And I'm going to do
everything I can to keep it.
Unless, of course, if
someone threatens you.
Then there will be blood.
Also mayhem, and off with
their head shenanigans.
Off with their heads?
Remind me to tell you
about the French Revolution sometime.
Robespierre, what an asshole.
You have so many stories.
I have 221 secrets.
First, I want to hear
every one of your secrets.
Okay, second, I believe you.
You do?
Okay, third, I love you.
- I was hoping.
- Okay, fourth
I was okay at "I love you."
Fourth
I forgive you.
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
- You saw what now?
- My face, it was rotting.
It was horrible.
So yard sale magic dresser mirror.
Love that trope.
Something like that.
You look pretty good to me.
♪
"You will heal when you earn healing."
Not familiar with the quote,
but I like the way it sounds.
But I didn't do anything to earn it.
Maybe healing is like love.
Go on.
You don't earn it.
You accept it.
You are very smart.
Also very corny.
That's me.
Okay, fifth.
I love you too.
Okay, this is the place, more or less.
Place and time.
Yeah.
Dude is definitely a creature of habit.
It's almost like he wants to get caught.
[METAL CLATTERING] [PERSON SCREAMING]
Reg, you hear that?
- Yeah.
- [SLURPING]
Follow me.
[SLURPING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
- Ah.
- Angela?
Hello, lover.
Angela, what the fuck were you thinking?
I wasn't thinking,
Maurice. I was feeding.
I guess we can forget being an avatar
for how the vampire
species can evolve, huh?
Oh. So the clothes aren't working.
Is that what you're saying?
You're undead proof
that the vampire species
doesn't deserve to survive.
You're the reason angels
want to kill us all.
I have spent so many
years fighting to survive.
And I survived.
I did whatever I had
to do to ensure that.
I even left you.
I can't stand the way that I feel.
I I feel helpless!
I'm gonna die because a fucking angel
showed out of nowhere and said so.
How is that possible? How is that fair?
- Nobody said it was fair.
- Oh, fuck that.
If I'm gonna die, then I
am going out on my terms
in a sea of blood.
This is me!
And this is what I do.
You can't stop me. Nobody can.
I mean, we should try.
Like, I feel that's
something we should do, right?
- No.
- What?
[SOFT APPREHENSIVE MUSIC]
I feel helpless too.
And it fills me with rage too.
If you want to go out
in a sea of blood, okay.
[SOBBING]
♪
Shower?
Not sure she can wash it off,
not everything.
[SIGHS]
What if Angela's right?
I don't think ripping off heads
is the right way to go right now.
She's just trying to live
out the rest of her days
the best way she can.
That's not good enough, Maurice.
The rest of our days?
That's not good enough!
We can't just give up.
- No retreat, no surrender?
- That's right!
We're gonna figure a way out of this
because that's what we do.
And we have not yet begun to fight
because that's what you say
right before you start fighting.
Fight the angels, you mean?
If that's what it takes,
then that's what it takes.
Turns out I'm a fighter and a lover.
[LAUGHS] A lover?
- Really?
- I've had my moments.
Sarah?
[CHUCKLES]
I remember the day we first met,
the night we first kissed,
the first time we shared a bed.
I have perfect recall
when it comes to her.
Enhanced vampire abilities.
No, I had it the moment we met.
Everything she does is
written inside of me,
and I can read it like a book.
[SOFT MUSIC]
- Tell her, Reggie.
- Tell her everything.
What?
Look, I'm the one who made you
promise to keep that secret.
Okay, that's on me.
But after tonight,
seeing Angela like that,
I was wrong.
And look, I know.
I believe we can win this fight.
But what if we don't?
I feel like we should
go out on our own terms.
♪
I love her.
Yeah, you do.
Sarah deserves to know
the truth about the angels.
I'm gonna tell her everything
and let the chips fall where they may.
I know what happiness looks like.
But the way you look right
now, this is different.
You don't want to hear my problems.
But I do.
That's the only way I can help you.
The problem with not letting go
is that you're still hanging on.
I don't understand.
When it comes to Reginald
He is wise in the ways of the world.
Yes, he is.
But I'm just not letting go.
Maybe the truth the truth of him,
maybe that's none of
my business anymore.
I can't hold him to a
standard of how we used to be.
But I don't know how to deal with that
because he used to be my person.
And now he's not.
I understand now.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
This is what sadness looks like.
No shit.
What are you doing now?
It is time I revealed
my true nature to you.
Did you say true nature?
I owe you the truth.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[GASPS]
Seriously?
I was born to haunt you ♪
[HOWLING SLAYER'S "I
WAS BORN TO HAUNT YOU"]
Terrorize ♪
Terrorize you through and through ♪
Why, I was born ♪
To haunt you ♪
And you were born to haunt me too ♪
♪