Robot Chicken s02e03 Episode Script
Easter Basket
It's alive! ¤ I love you, you love me ¤ But I'm not in love with you.
- I win.
- Where? I can't see.
Here, diagonally.
Pretty sneaky, sis.
- Barney boy, this is the life.
- You said it, Fred.
An entire civilization not wearing underwear.
You got to love it.
Now, who could that be? - Yeah? - Hi.
I'm Mr.
Rock from Fedexstone.
I got a delivery for Fred Flintstone from amazonaboulder.
Com-pebble.
Sometimes the rock puns don't fit too well.
You want the package or not? "Dear Fred, I hope this distracted you long enough.
"Signed, Barney.
P.
S.
I invented paper.
Bitchin!" Barney! My Pebbles! You can't catch me, Fred.
Hey, good one, Fred.
Good Damn it, Fred.
I just wanted some of your fucking cereal.
Oh, his head always was full of rocks.
A witness.
Witnesses! - The dishwasher.
- My goodness Cretaceous! - The record player.
- He's off his rocker.
- The bidet! - Oh, man, the things I've witnessed.
Is he stone cold crazy? You bet Jurassic.
No more puns! So he's trying to sell me a tampon but I said, "It's just a rock " and he said, "Well, duh.
Everything's a rock.
" The nerve of some people.
My God! Lord, please don't stop him before he kills me.
Fruity Pebbles are an important part of this complete breakfast.
I'm sorry.
There are no Rs.
¤ I love you, you love me ¤ Either way, it's 50 bucks.
Tired of Slip 'n Slide? Water balloons no fun? Then get ready for the Phyllis Diller Spray-n-Play.
I'm having fun! I love you, Phyllis Diller Spray-n-Play.
That hurt! I'm not having fun.
You're gonna have some fun today with the Phyllis Diller Spray-n-Play.
Go, go, Gadget Hooker-Clean.
Here we will build a great pyramid an everlasting testament to my extreme awesomeness.
Yes, Pharaoh.
But, sir, what will we use for raw materials? Your Majesty, we ran out of brown bricks.
It's all good in the 'hood, baby.
Just use yellow bricks.
Running low on yellow, but there's lots of blue.
No stress.
Your Majesty, we kind of skipped step 18 and now it's too late to go back.
Come on.
Everything is sort of leaning to the right.
Hope that's cool.
Yes? Some of the slaves got into the Space Legos and added some satellite dishes and a big grappling arm to the west side of the pyramid.
Whip them! Whip the piss right out of them.
Yes, sir.
Although that does sound kind of kick-ass.
Your Majesty? We're officially out of Legos.
Lots of Duplo blocks, though.
I'll Duplo you in the nut bag.
Get out! Ready for the big unveiling? Show me, show me, show me.
- What's this? - Your grave, motherf Take that, Tutanhymen.
I hereby declare the Funky Space Pyramid of the People open for business.
Just right.
You won't believe you're eating Ron Jeremy's butter.
Sydney, where are you? Sydney, the top-secret device is in a wall safe in the basement.
I knew your credentials didn't check out.
Prize-winning cellist, my ass! Get her.
I love you, Sydney, but we just can't be together.
Sydney! Yeah! Damned kids.
¤ I love you, you love me ¤ Damn right.
Dad, could you kick an angel's ass? - You're damn right, I could.
- Is that Santa on the roof? Well, if not, I got a present for him.
Santa! Santa! My mother-fucking knee! Ah, fuck.
Shit.
Ah, fucking.
Fuck it all to hell.
That hurts like a motherfucker.
Dad, what's a scrotum? - Santa, what happened? - Bandits, Goku.
They stole my reindeer and all the presents and my pants.
Christmas is ours.
You'll never get away with this.
I've got five good reasons for you to shut up.
One, two, three, four, five.
- Dad, who are those guys? - Kung fu legends.
That's the Little Drummer Boy whose mystical drum conjures demons most foul.
The Nutcracker who knows over 100 different testicle-based attacks.
And Composite Santa Claus, who looks like one half Santa and one half Frosty the Snowman.
What are Composite Santa's powers? I don't know, but he freaks me right the fuck out.
Intruders! I will conjure a demon with my magical drum.
Spirit Ball! Holy shit! I'll get this one, dad.
- You're not so tough.
- Testicle attack number 49! My dragon ball.
OK.
I got nothing.
Temperatures over my only weakness.
- We did it.
- Fools! - Mrs.
Santa? - That's right.
The mastermind behind this evil attack on Christmas is me! - But why? - It all started at the North Pole.
I started getting terrible headaches.
Mrs.
Claus, are you OK? At first, I thought it was merely my period but that was not the case, as I hit menopause centuries ago.
Polar radiation forced an evolutionary change in me.
Now I want revenge.
Darling, no! Gohan and I need a minute to rest.
It's up to you for now.
- I think one of them popped.
- It's payback time.
Let's beat her up so bad, her kids will inherit the bruises.
Yeah.
We'll hit her so hard, she'll starve to death rolling.
She's so ugly, we'll push her face in dough and make gorilla biscuits.
She's so black, when she go to night school teacher mark her absent.
That's still my wife, guys.
Kill! Your nose shoots lasers? You didn't think there was a reason it glows red? What does yours shoot? To think, I wanted to play your games.
She's grown too gigantic and unstable.
Women.
Am I right, fellas? The Tenka'ichi Budokai is finally complete.
What the fuck are you talking about? Was that even English? What happened to my wife? This is the last time I bring presents to Japan.
Sit, Ubu.
Sit.
Bad dog.
- I win.
- Where? I can't see.
Here, diagonally.
Pretty sneaky, sis.
- Barney boy, this is the life.
- You said it, Fred.
An entire civilization not wearing underwear.
You got to love it.
Now, who could that be? - Yeah? - Hi.
I'm Mr.
Rock from Fedexstone.
I got a delivery for Fred Flintstone from amazonaboulder.
Com-pebble.
Sometimes the rock puns don't fit too well.
You want the package or not? "Dear Fred, I hope this distracted you long enough.
"Signed, Barney.
P.
S.
I invented paper.
Bitchin!" Barney! My Pebbles! You can't catch me, Fred.
Hey, good one, Fred.
Good Damn it, Fred.
I just wanted some of your fucking cereal.
Oh, his head always was full of rocks.
A witness.
Witnesses! - The dishwasher.
- My goodness Cretaceous! - The record player.
- He's off his rocker.
- The bidet! - Oh, man, the things I've witnessed.
Is he stone cold crazy? You bet Jurassic.
No more puns! So he's trying to sell me a tampon but I said, "It's just a rock " and he said, "Well, duh.
Everything's a rock.
" The nerve of some people.
My God! Lord, please don't stop him before he kills me.
Fruity Pebbles are an important part of this complete breakfast.
I'm sorry.
There are no Rs.
¤ I love you, you love me ¤ Either way, it's 50 bucks.
Tired of Slip 'n Slide? Water balloons no fun? Then get ready for the Phyllis Diller Spray-n-Play.
I'm having fun! I love you, Phyllis Diller Spray-n-Play.
That hurt! I'm not having fun.
You're gonna have some fun today with the Phyllis Diller Spray-n-Play.
Go, go, Gadget Hooker-Clean.
Here we will build a great pyramid an everlasting testament to my extreme awesomeness.
Yes, Pharaoh.
But, sir, what will we use for raw materials? Your Majesty, we ran out of brown bricks.
It's all good in the 'hood, baby.
Just use yellow bricks.
Running low on yellow, but there's lots of blue.
No stress.
Your Majesty, we kind of skipped step 18 and now it's too late to go back.
Come on.
Everything is sort of leaning to the right.
Hope that's cool.
Yes? Some of the slaves got into the Space Legos and added some satellite dishes and a big grappling arm to the west side of the pyramid.
Whip them! Whip the piss right out of them.
Yes, sir.
Although that does sound kind of kick-ass.
Your Majesty? We're officially out of Legos.
Lots of Duplo blocks, though.
I'll Duplo you in the nut bag.
Get out! Ready for the big unveiling? Show me, show me, show me.
- What's this? - Your grave, motherf Take that, Tutanhymen.
I hereby declare the Funky Space Pyramid of the People open for business.
Just right.
You won't believe you're eating Ron Jeremy's butter.
Sydney, where are you? Sydney, the top-secret device is in a wall safe in the basement.
I knew your credentials didn't check out.
Prize-winning cellist, my ass! Get her.
I love you, Sydney, but we just can't be together.
Sydney! Yeah! Damned kids.
¤ I love you, you love me ¤ Damn right.
Dad, could you kick an angel's ass? - You're damn right, I could.
- Is that Santa on the roof? Well, if not, I got a present for him.
Santa! Santa! My mother-fucking knee! Ah, fuck.
Shit.
Ah, fucking.
Fuck it all to hell.
That hurts like a motherfucker.
Dad, what's a scrotum? - Santa, what happened? - Bandits, Goku.
They stole my reindeer and all the presents and my pants.
Christmas is ours.
You'll never get away with this.
I've got five good reasons for you to shut up.
One, two, three, four, five.
- Dad, who are those guys? - Kung fu legends.
That's the Little Drummer Boy whose mystical drum conjures demons most foul.
The Nutcracker who knows over 100 different testicle-based attacks.
And Composite Santa Claus, who looks like one half Santa and one half Frosty the Snowman.
What are Composite Santa's powers? I don't know, but he freaks me right the fuck out.
Intruders! I will conjure a demon with my magical drum.
Spirit Ball! Holy shit! I'll get this one, dad.
- You're not so tough.
- Testicle attack number 49! My dragon ball.
OK.
I got nothing.
Temperatures over my only weakness.
- We did it.
- Fools! - Mrs.
Santa? - That's right.
The mastermind behind this evil attack on Christmas is me! - But why? - It all started at the North Pole.
I started getting terrible headaches.
Mrs.
Claus, are you OK? At first, I thought it was merely my period but that was not the case, as I hit menopause centuries ago.
Polar radiation forced an evolutionary change in me.
Now I want revenge.
Darling, no! Gohan and I need a minute to rest.
It's up to you for now.
- I think one of them popped.
- It's payback time.
Let's beat her up so bad, her kids will inherit the bruises.
Yeah.
We'll hit her so hard, she'll starve to death rolling.
She's so ugly, we'll push her face in dough and make gorilla biscuits.
She's so black, when she go to night school teacher mark her absent.
That's still my wife, guys.
Kill! Your nose shoots lasers? You didn't think there was a reason it glows red? What does yours shoot? To think, I wanted to play your games.
She's grown too gigantic and unstable.
Women.
Am I right, fellas? The Tenka'ichi Budokai is finally complete.
What the fuck are you talking about? Was that even English? What happened to my wife? This is the last time I bring presents to Japan.
Sit, Ubu.
Sit.
Bad dog.