Roman Mysteries (2007) s02e03 Episode Script
The Trials of Flavia Gemina. Scroll 1
1 SAILS FLAP WOOD CREAKS AND BELL CLANGS What's going on? Decimus, is that? GROWLING (Please, Jupiter!) PIPE AND DRUM PLAY Lupus! Where's Flavia? And the others? Who's this for? For me? For the Saturnalia? I love the Saturnalia.
That is, when I'm not alone with nothing to do.
You know, I was chosen as King of the Household last year.
I got to boss everyone around and do whatever I wanted.
I suppose it's not that different to normal.
You did buy this? Lupus! Mordecai is not interested in the Saturnalia.
All he thinks about is patients and medicine.
At least I thought I'd have Jonathan for company.
My father knew he wasn't going to be here.
I mean, what am I supposed to do? Lupus? Oh, yes, Flavia and her mysteries.
Well, I'd love to solve a mystery or two, but you know, I can't see any.
MAN: There are spirits on the ship! FRIGHTENED CRIES WOMAN: Help! It's an omen! It's a curse! Caudex? Caudex, honestly! Caudex! Caudex? Caudex? Yes, I think he's out.
Er, in the woods, that's right.
Picking something.
.
.
Berries.
Sorry, who are you? Me? Ohthis painting.
Can never quite get the face.
What do you think? The Twelve Trials.
A fresco? What for? That's ridiculous, we can't afford a fresco.
Talk, you know, there's always talk.
"That Captain Geminus, salutations to him.
"He didn't honour the gods enough, so they, well, ran him aground.
" Hercules, see, beloved of seafarers.
And this will keep his ships afloat? It'll stop the talk.
How are we going to pay for this? For a trader, sometimes it's more important to look wealthy than, well, to BE wealthy.
Anyway, if I see Caudex MUSIC PLAYS OUTSIDE A message? They've started without me.
Aristo, my tutor, he's got a thing for music, but I can't find my tambourine.
TAMBOURINE JANGLES That sounds a bit .
.
like a tambourine.
Excellent.
A flower for the composer.
I am undeserving, I cannot write so well.
It's hers.
Nubia, a beautiful melody.
Sounds like a love song.
Maybe when thoughts drift towards love, everything sounds like a love song.
Who's she? What's she doing with my tambourine.
Flavia, I'm How do you know me? Who are you? It's all right, I was just about to She stole my tambourine.
You're quite right, it was impolite of me.
Marcus, I know how she feels.
You've got your wretched tambourine.
I suggest you go to your room and look for any good manners you might find there.
Now.
It's a portent, if you ask me.
The ghosts of the doomed and the dead are upon us.
Lupus? Lupus! I don't know.
It came in last night.
Empty.
No crew, nothing.
That's all I know.
Ah, Lupus maybe we should just leave the ship.
Lupus! KNOCK AT DOOR, DOOR OPENS May I come in? Does this mean that you're sorry? I'm sorry that we argued.
So you're not sorry that you made a fool of me in front of your guests? I think you managed that all by yourself.
You were asking about Cartilia .
.
the woman who joined us earlier.
The thief.
I was hoping that we could talk about this differently.
Flavia, it's been a while since your mother died.
I miss her too.
I know.
I know.
Cartilia and I, we have a lot in common and although nothing is arranged Father! What? No, you can't mean Notnot marriage! You can't! No, please.
Flavia, a lot of people are saying I let you grow wild, that you are undisciplined.
But from now on, I want to know where you are at any given moment.
You will ask permission before you go out, and as for today, I think you should stay here and think about your behaviour.
This is her idea.
A nice, obedient step-daughter, like Pulchra, all clean and tidy.
Yes, that would not be such a bad idea.
Flavia needs to be alone for a while.
Is she coming? # At Saturnalia, nobody frowns # Cos a frown's a smile When you're upside down RUSTLING Hello? I'm armed .
.
sort of.
Oh, Jupiter! It's a monster! Argh! If you value your souls, go home.
Go! This is an evil ship.
CHAIN CLANKS Nubia! Have you seen Nubia? She's never here when I want her! Yes? This woman, this Cartilia What's her name? Cartilia.
What's her surname? I don't think she said.
You never solve anything if you don't ask questions.
For instance, what's happened to Father? He thinks he's in love with her! Perhaps he is.
Oh, you've got a lot to learn.
The fresco, what does it tell you? That we've got money - or that's what she thinks.
She's a liar - a thief and a liar.
We know that much.
Where's Lupus? I want the two of you to scour Ostia for information.
And you? Confined to the house.
Today, maybe tomorrow.
At least until the Saturnalia's over.
Oh, Saturnalia! It's all a bit nutty.
Every household chooses a king.
They can do whatever they want.
MAN: Oh, my goodness! By Jupiter! The woods, beware the woods! Mistress, it's terrible.
You tell me, please, you'll never go there - to the woods - never! Caudex? What did you see? No, no Well, I admit he's not perfect, but he's not that bad.
The Stymphalian bird.
There's no such thing, Caudex.
There is.
Rest here for a minute.
Is he going to vomit? No, no, I don't think so.
Shall I get some water? That would be excellent, thank you.
Ssh, ssh.
It's all right, you're safe now.
I shall thank your father for sending you.
I hope Jonathan is being as helpful with Gaius and Miriam.
What's wrong with him? He seems to be suffering from a morbid terror.
There was talk of monsters.
I have seen many things.
I have yet to see a monster.
SHIP'S BELL CLANGS The sailor.
Where is he? Lupus, he obviously wasn't well.
It doesn't mean that there was a monster on board.
But in the woods I don't care what's in the woods.
We solve mysteries, we don't hunt monsters.
What happened to the crew? That's a mystery.
Yes, but I'm chief mystery solver and I say we find out about this woman who's about to ruin us.
What if I don't want to? It doesn't matter.
You're not one of us, anyway.
She is your friend.
I didn't say she wasn't.
I said she wasn't one of us.
WOMAN WHISPERS: Once for the heart .
.
And twice for his life .
.
Now by this art Shall bring thee a wife.
Don't scream.
Not a word.
I am not in the habit of screaming.
Who are you? Let's just say I've come for what's mine.
Look after him.
I am his physician.
I insist that you leave him in my care.
What's going on? Who are these people? Pulchra, it's all right, you go back to your room.
You know, people with a nice home and family should learn when and when not to insist on things.
Where is he? Where did he go? What did you see? Are you from the ship? What ship? Come on, let's go.
MARCUS CHUCKLES It's coming along well.
Father It's time to choose the King.
Will you get Caudex? He's been saying for weeks the gods will pick him.
The dice choose.
We roll the dice, but the gods choose the numbers.
Is that a gift? For the Saturnalia feast.
Cartilia's special recipe.
Mushrooms.
Mushrooms? You hate Mmm, mmm, delicious.
Absolutely delicious.
Well, we'd better not keep the gods waiting.
That's Juno.
Bad news, she was.
Jupiter's wife.
Poisoned his mind, hated his children, especially Hercules.
The Trials.
Any challenge we have to face, the Trials can help us, if we understand them.
Hunting? Some rabbits for lunch.
Particularly fierce rabbits? Can never be too careful.
Aristo - is he joining us? Sadly not.
He's gone hunting.
Nubia, have you seen my dice? Nubia? No.
I had it a moment ago.
At least, I thought I had.
Every night I've prayed.
This time they will appoint me.
Lupus has dice.
Thank you, Lupus.
SoCartilia, is it? Yes.
You're new to Ostia? I moved fromfrom Rome, quite recently.
With your family? All I need now are your numbers.
Caudex, a number please.
Eight.
It has to be between one and six.
You do have family? Everyone has family.
One? One it is.
Nubia? I have no desire to be King.
Then you'll make a good one.
Oh, I don't know Three? Three it is.
Pulchra? She's not a member of the household.
Flavia, she is a guest.
If you don't mind Four? Flavia.
Six.
I'll take five.
And that leaves Me? She's not family.
Sorry, please choose a number.
If you insist.
Thank you, Flavia.
Two.
Saturn, god of harvest and grain, bringer of food, drink and merriment, choose your King.
Yes! All year on my knees, gifts, offerings I trust that you shall rule well.
Most graciously.
My first command, Caudex, you shall have the day off.
No, mistress.
I'd rather stay here, keep busy.
I command it so.
Pulchra, now you're a member of the household, you can prepare supper.
Meanwhile, I fancy a little walk.
Flavia The King never has to account for himself, Father.
Not unless you want to bring us all bad luck.
I, too, shall be glad when the Saturnalia is over.
First a ghost ship, and now there's a panic over monsters in the woods.
Aristo - where has he gone to hunt? In the woods.
Nubia, I shouldn't worry, it's just travellers' tales.
They saw some I don't know.
.
.
huge something.
They were probably drunk.
Keep your eyes open.
GROWLING Lads! What's going on? Decimus! Hey, Decimus! He was just here, right? He was here a minute ago.
Let's go! This is not safe.
How did you know it was going to land on six? A shaved dice? Lupus, you're a genius.
All right, we have to find out anything we can about this witch, Cartilia.
Lusca? The old woman who hangs around the Hydra Fountain? Yes, I do a good Hydra.
You're right.
She knows everybody's secrets.
Let's find Nubia.
She's gone to the woods, in case Aristo gets eaten by monsters.
Monsters? It is a mystery.
The only mystery about monsters is that people still believe they exist.
To be a serious mystery solver, you must do as I say.
The Hydra Fountain.
Diana, the huntress.
Now, she's someone to be reckoned with.
Oi! Put those back! She's dark haired, sort of nasty eyes, thin lips, horribly skinny.
I think you mean Cartilia Poplicola.
That's her married name.
Anyway, she lives with her mother, Vibia.
Diddid you say "married" name? Behind the old baker's there is a horse's head on the door.
I never take money for information.
Aristo! Aristo! Aristo? Please, no.
OhAristo! A horse.
Wasn't Pictus painting a horse from the Trials? And the Hydra Fountain led us here.
Is that what he meant? All the clues are there? I don't know.
What other clues were there? Diana.
And there's the lion.
Right.
We'll just ask around, there's bound to be some gossip.
Where's Lupus? Lupus? Lupus, no! You can't just do that! Flavia, get him down.
Lupus? Can I help you? I'm Vibia Prudentia.
This is my house.
Do you want something? We brought you a gift.
From an admirer.
Of mine? Cartilia? Oh, my daughter.
Well, I'm not sure if I've got anything ready, but you'd better come in.
Come in.
I'll see what I can find.
You worship Diana? It's a family tradition.
Oh, umI'm sorry about the furniture, it hasn't arrived yet.
These are just some old things.
So Cartilia's not here? Well, she'll be back soon.
You can wait, if you like.
No, it's all right.
Her husband perhaps he's in? No.
No, he's dead.
He, um, died at sea some time ago.
I won't be a moment.
Sure he did.
She killed him, and now they're poor again, they need more money.
Father's money.
Killed him? How? She's a witch.
A sorceress.
It's a love potion.
Lupus, don't! "With a little something from the lady, "a strand of hair, sweat from the baths" Whoever drinks this falls hopelessly in love with her.
Father! Father! Where's Father? He's inside with You know, I'm not sure I want to solve any more mysteries.
It's the Saturnalia, Marcus, you have to dance.
Father, don't! Flavia! She put love potion on them, and then she'll kill you like she killed her husband.
She's a witch! I don't want to hear this Father, you're not the first and you won't be the last.
That's enough! They're right, you don't know how to behave.
Well, next month we are going to Rome and you will meet some suitors and you will choose one.
It's time you grew up.
Now go to your room! Did you hear me?! Aristo! Aristo.
What were you doing, creeping up on me? I could have shot you.
You're alive.
I saw a man, he was dead.
It's not safe here.
In these woods there is a monster.
Nubia, don't be silly, there's no TWIG SNAPS RUSTLING All right, we'd better go.
Come on.
Nubia, come.
This way.
ROARING
That is, when I'm not alone with nothing to do.
You know, I was chosen as King of the Household last year.
I got to boss everyone around and do whatever I wanted.
I suppose it's not that different to normal.
You did buy this? Lupus! Mordecai is not interested in the Saturnalia.
All he thinks about is patients and medicine.
At least I thought I'd have Jonathan for company.
My father knew he wasn't going to be here.
I mean, what am I supposed to do? Lupus? Oh, yes, Flavia and her mysteries.
Well, I'd love to solve a mystery or two, but you know, I can't see any.
MAN: There are spirits on the ship! FRIGHTENED CRIES WOMAN: Help! It's an omen! It's a curse! Caudex? Caudex, honestly! Caudex! Caudex? Caudex? Yes, I think he's out.
Er, in the woods, that's right.
Picking something.
.
.
Berries.
Sorry, who are you? Me? Ohthis painting.
Can never quite get the face.
What do you think? The Twelve Trials.
A fresco? What for? That's ridiculous, we can't afford a fresco.
Talk, you know, there's always talk.
"That Captain Geminus, salutations to him.
"He didn't honour the gods enough, so they, well, ran him aground.
" Hercules, see, beloved of seafarers.
And this will keep his ships afloat? It'll stop the talk.
How are we going to pay for this? For a trader, sometimes it's more important to look wealthy than, well, to BE wealthy.
Anyway, if I see Caudex MUSIC PLAYS OUTSIDE A message? They've started without me.
Aristo, my tutor, he's got a thing for music, but I can't find my tambourine.
TAMBOURINE JANGLES That sounds a bit .
.
like a tambourine.
Excellent.
A flower for the composer.
I am undeserving, I cannot write so well.
It's hers.
Nubia, a beautiful melody.
Sounds like a love song.
Maybe when thoughts drift towards love, everything sounds like a love song.
Who's she? What's she doing with my tambourine.
Flavia, I'm How do you know me? Who are you? It's all right, I was just about to She stole my tambourine.
You're quite right, it was impolite of me.
Marcus, I know how she feels.
You've got your wretched tambourine.
I suggest you go to your room and look for any good manners you might find there.
Now.
It's a portent, if you ask me.
The ghosts of the doomed and the dead are upon us.
Lupus? Lupus! I don't know.
It came in last night.
Empty.
No crew, nothing.
That's all I know.
Ah, Lupus maybe we should just leave the ship.
Lupus! KNOCK AT DOOR, DOOR OPENS May I come in? Does this mean that you're sorry? I'm sorry that we argued.
So you're not sorry that you made a fool of me in front of your guests? I think you managed that all by yourself.
You were asking about Cartilia .
.
the woman who joined us earlier.
The thief.
I was hoping that we could talk about this differently.
Flavia, it's been a while since your mother died.
I miss her too.
I know.
I know.
Cartilia and I, we have a lot in common and although nothing is arranged Father! What? No, you can't mean Notnot marriage! You can't! No, please.
Flavia, a lot of people are saying I let you grow wild, that you are undisciplined.
But from now on, I want to know where you are at any given moment.
You will ask permission before you go out, and as for today, I think you should stay here and think about your behaviour.
This is her idea.
A nice, obedient step-daughter, like Pulchra, all clean and tidy.
Yes, that would not be such a bad idea.
Flavia needs to be alone for a while.
Is she coming? # At Saturnalia, nobody frowns # Cos a frown's a smile When you're upside down RUSTLING Hello? I'm armed .
.
sort of.
Oh, Jupiter! It's a monster! Argh! If you value your souls, go home.
Go! This is an evil ship.
CHAIN CLANKS Nubia! Have you seen Nubia? She's never here when I want her! Yes? This woman, this Cartilia What's her name? Cartilia.
What's her surname? I don't think she said.
You never solve anything if you don't ask questions.
For instance, what's happened to Father? He thinks he's in love with her! Perhaps he is.
Oh, you've got a lot to learn.
The fresco, what does it tell you? That we've got money - or that's what she thinks.
She's a liar - a thief and a liar.
We know that much.
Where's Lupus? I want the two of you to scour Ostia for information.
And you? Confined to the house.
Today, maybe tomorrow.
At least until the Saturnalia's over.
Oh, Saturnalia! It's all a bit nutty.
Every household chooses a king.
They can do whatever they want.
MAN: Oh, my goodness! By Jupiter! The woods, beware the woods! Mistress, it's terrible.
You tell me, please, you'll never go there - to the woods - never! Caudex? What did you see? No, no Well, I admit he's not perfect, but he's not that bad.
The Stymphalian bird.
There's no such thing, Caudex.
There is.
Rest here for a minute.
Is he going to vomit? No, no, I don't think so.
Shall I get some water? That would be excellent, thank you.
Ssh, ssh.
It's all right, you're safe now.
I shall thank your father for sending you.
I hope Jonathan is being as helpful with Gaius and Miriam.
What's wrong with him? He seems to be suffering from a morbid terror.
There was talk of monsters.
I have seen many things.
I have yet to see a monster.
SHIP'S BELL CLANGS The sailor.
Where is he? Lupus, he obviously wasn't well.
It doesn't mean that there was a monster on board.
But in the woods I don't care what's in the woods.
We solve mysteries, we don't hunt monsters.
What happened to the crew? That's a mystery.
Yes, but I'm chief mystery solver and I say we find out about this woman who's about to ruin us.
What if I don't want to? It doesn't matter.
You're not one of us, anyway.
She is your friend.
I didn't say she wasn't.
I said she wasn't one of us.
WOMAN WHISPERS: Once for the heart .
.
And twice for his life .
.
Now by this art Shall bring thee a wife.
Don't scream.
Not a word.
I am not in the habit of screaming.
Who are you? Let's just say I've come for what's mine.
Look after him.
I am his physician.
I insist that you leave him in my care.
What's going on? Who are these people? Pulchra, it's all right, you go back to your room.
You know, people with a nice home and family should learn when and when not to insist on things.
Where is he? Where did he go? What did you see? Are you from the ship? What ship? Come on, let's go.
MARCUS CHUCKLES It's coming along well.
Father It's time to choose the King.
Will you get Caudex? He's been saying for weeks the gods will pick him.
The dice choose.
We roll the dice, but the gods choose the numbers.
Is that a gift? For the Saturnalia feast.
Cartilia's special recipe.
Mushrooms.
Mushrooms? You hate Mmm, mmm, delicious.
Absolutely delicious.
Well, we'd better not keep the gods waiting.
That's Juno.
Bad news, she was.
Jupiter's wife.
Poisoned his mind, hated his children, especially Hercules.
The Trials.
Any challenge we have to face, the Trials can help us, if we understand them.
Hunting? Some rabbits for lunch.
Particularly fierce rabbits? Can never be too careful.
Aristo - is he joining us? Sadly not.
He's gone hunting.
Nubia, have you seen my dice? Nubia? No.
I had it a moment ago.
At least, I thought I had.
Every night I've prayed.
This time they will appoint me.
Lupus has dice.
Thank you, Lupus.
SoCartilia, is it? Yes.
You're new to Ostia? I moved fromfrom Rome, quite recently.
With your family? All I need now are your numbers.
Caudex, a number please.
Eight.
It has to be between one and six.
You do have family? Everyone has family.
One? One it is.
Nubia? I have no desire to be King.
Then you'll make a good one.
Oh, I don't know Three? Three it is.
Pulchra? She's not a member of the household.
Flavia, she is a guest.
If you don't mind Four? Flavia.
Six.
I'll take five.
And that leaves Me? She's not family.
Sorry, please choose a number.
If you insist.
Thank you, Flavia.
Two.
Saturn, god of harvest and grain, bringer of food, drink and merriment, choose your King.
Yes! All year on my knees, gifts, offerings I trust that you shall rule well.
Most graciously.
My first command, Caudex, you shall have the day off.
No, mistress.
I'd rather stay here, keep busy.
I command it so.
Pulchra, now you're a member of the household, you can prepare supper.
Meanwhile, I fancy a little walk.
Flavia The King never has to account for himself, Father.
Not unless you want to bring us all bad luck.
I, too, shall be glad when the Saturnalia is over.
First a ghost ship, and now there's a panic over monsters in the woods.
Aristo - where has he gone to hunt? In the woods.
Nubia, I shouldn't worry, it's just travellers' tales.
They saw some I don't know.
.
.
huge something.
They were probably drunk.
Keep your eyes open.
GROWLING Lads! What's going on? Decimus! Hey, Decimus! He was just here, right? He was here a minute ago.
Let's go! This is not safe.
How did you know it was going to land on six? A shaved dice? Lupus, you're a genius.
All right, we have to find out anything we can about this witch, Cartilia.
Lusca? The old woman who hangs around the Hydra Fountain? Yes, I do a good Hydra.
You're right.
She knows everybody's secrets.
Let's find Nubia.
She's gone to the woods, in case Aristo gets eaten by monsters.
Monsters? It is a mystery.
The only mystery about monsters is that people still believe they exist.
To be a serious mystery solver, you must do as I say.
The Hydra Fountain.
Diana, the huntress.
Now, she's someone to be reckoned with.
Oi! Put those back! She's dark haired, sort of nasty eyes, thin lips, horribly skinny.
I think you mean Cartilia Poplicola.
That's her married name.
Anyway, she lives with her mother, Vibia.
Diddid you say "married" name? Behind the old baker's there is a horse's head on the door.
I never take money for information.
Aristo! Aristo! Aristo? Please, no.
OhAristo! A horse.
Wasn't Pictus painting a horse from the Trials? And the Hydra Fountain led us here.
Is that what he meant? All the clues are there? I don't know.
What other clues were there? Diana.
And there's the lion.
Right.
We'll just ask around, there's bound to be some gossip.
Where's Lupus? Lupus? Lupus, no! You can't just do that! Flavia, get him down.
Lupus? Can I help you? I'm Vibia Prudentia.
This is my house.
Do you want something? We brought you a gift.
From an admirer.
Of mine? Cartilia? Oh, my daughter.
Well, I'm not sure if I've got anything ready, but you'd better come in.
Come in.
I'll see what I can find.
You worship Diana? It's a family tradition.
Oh, umI'm sorry about the furniture, it hasn't arrived yet.
These are just some old things.
So Cartilia's not here? Well, she'll be back soon.
You can wait, if you like.
No, it's all right.
Her husband perhaps he's in? No.
No, he's dead.
He, um, died at sea some time ago.
I won't be a moment.
Sure he did.
She killed him, and now they're poor again, they need more money.
Father's money.
Killed him? How? She's a witch.
A sorceress.
It's a love potion.
Lupus, don't! "With a little something from the lady, "a strand of hair, sweat from the baths" Whoever drinks this falls hopelessly in love with her.
Father! Father! Where's Father? He's inside with You know, I'm not sure I want to solve any more mysteries.
It's the Saturnalia, Marcus, you have to dance.
Father, don't! Flavia! She put love potion on them, and then she'll kill you like she killed her husband.
She's a witch! I don't want to hear this Father, you're not the first and you won't be the last.
That's enough! They're right, you don't know how to behave.
Well, next month we are going to Rome and you will meet some suitors and you will choose one.
It's time you grew up.
Now go to your room! Did you hear me?! Aristo! Aristo.
What were you doing, creeping up on me? I could have shot you.
You're alive.
I saw a man, he was dead.
It's not safe here.
In these woods there is a monster.
Nubia, don't be silly, there's no TWIG SNAPS RUSTLING All right, we'd better go.
Come on.
Nubia, come.
This way.
ROARING