Seed (2013) s02e03 Episode Script

O-day? Is that what I think it is? I doubt it.
Orgasm? No.
Hint.
It's something we've been looking forward to.
Orgasm? It's my ovulation day.
I'd've figured that out if you drew a sad face like other women.
We're going to the fertility clinic to get pregnant.
It's going to be a magical day.
I don't know how magical getting shot full of Harry's frozen sperm is.
Pretty magical.
We're gonna have a baby! Yay! Yay! Yay! What a depressing brunch.
I cannot believe that Ken and Lisa are calling it quits after nineteen years.
That's the third couple in our group to divorce this year.
It's like the kids leave the luxury condo, and then the marriage is over.
It's another empty nest divorce.
Yikes.
With Anastasia going away to school soon, guess your marriage clock is ticking.
Tick, tick Harry! What are you doing here uninvited? Just waiting for Anastasia.
And our marriage is fine.
We're happily married.
Guys, I'm kidding.
I'm sure you're not like your friends.
Why would you hang out with people that you're similar to? We'll be fine.
We are fine.
And we'll continue to be fine.
Yes, and Anastasia isn't going away to school for another couple of years anyway.
I'm going away to school now.
You're what? Harry's driving me so I can catch the bus for our class trip.
I'll be gone for the weekend.
Remember? Has the trauma of your friends' divorce caused memory loss? We are just fine thank you.
Personally, I think an empty nest is going to be a positive thing for us.
Don't you? Of course.
With Ana gone we'll have more time to Travel.
Garden.
Exactly.
We can take a bicycle trip through the gardens of France.
That is a lovely idea.
It would be silly for us to worry.
We are so close, we practically finish each other's Tax returns.
Yes.
I was going to say tax returns.
We'll be fine.
I've never felt more sure of anything in my entire life.
Don't touch anything.
It's a sperm clinic.
Sperm.
I don't think this is where the guys It feels weird getting pregnant here.
This place is so icy.
So sterile.
So clinical.
It's exactly the same as when I got pregnant with Billy.
I remember it being more romantic.
That's cause you weren't the one in the stirrups.
So, ladies, seems we have a little glitch.
You didn't pay your storage fee last year and unfortunately we're out of your donor, XC-3000.
You're out of Harry? XC-3000 is quite popular.
The staff call his stuff instant Mother's Day.
But we wanted a true sibling for our child.
Sorry, what's left is reserved.
Well, good thing is, we know our donor.
You know your anonymous sperm donor? Then why not just ask him for another deposit? No, no, no.
I can't even think about this without picturing Harry enjoying himself.
Babe.
I'm sorry.
This is my fault.
I'll take care of it.
There's more than one way to get Harry's sperm.
Oh, not what you're thinking.
Thanks I really wanted to talk to you in person about this.
Oh, no problem.
I assume it's about psychological counseling for Billy? What? No.
What? Why? Oh, no reason.
Nothing.
So, Michelle was planning on using Harry's sperm to get pregnant, but the bank doesn't have any left.
Do you and Jonathan have any of Harry's stuff on reserve? Oh, no.
We stopped storing it the moment we met Harry.
We would've thrown it in a bonfire if they'd let us.
You know, it's weird.
I was the instigator behind this whole second baby thing.
But I was also the one who forgot to pay the storage fee.
Do you think my subconscious is telling me something? I feel guilty that I'm relieved.
I mean, Billy's almost ten, do I really want to start over? I'm not so sure.
Wow, Janet you're, you're really good at this.
Oh I didn't do Thank you.
Yes, I am very good at this.
Thanks for helping me realize that I might not want another baby.
It's not like we're one of those couples who needs a child around to keep our marriage together, like you and Jonathan.
We don't need a child around to keep our marriage together.
No, that's not what I meant.
Like you and Jonathan, Michelle and I don't need a baby to keep us together.
Oh, yes.
I knew that.
I was just angrily and loudly agreeing.
Okay then.
Charlie's asleep in his crib.
Great.
Bruce and I will only be a couple hours.
Okay, enjoy the movie.
I'm just going to use the powder room.
Sure but don't use the powder in there, it's for jock itch.
Hey.
Hey.
So dating Rose.
Going well? Great.
Great.
So, uh.
Watch much football? No.
Wait, do you mean soccer? No, but I love soccer! You watch it? No.
Game of Thrones fan? Huge.
I've read all the books! There are books? Ok see you Harry.
Good talking to you.
Great talking to you.
Very good talking to you.
It was gooood.
I've made a list of possible names for the new baby.
Tracy if it's a girl, or Spiderman if it's a boy.
These are all the names tied for second place: Sonic, Elizabrent, Quicksandy, Nintendo or if it's a girl, Nintenda, McJennifer Last year you didn't want a baby sibling.
So maybe we should consider that.
Yeah, but now I love hanging out with my half-bro Charlie; and he's growing into a fine minion.
And the more minions the better.
We should talk.
I've been having second thoughts about our baby situation.
Like when you saw the puppy at the pet store Hold on.
You think I've changed my mind about having a baby? After all the talks we've had? Who'd be so flip-floppy to do that? No one.
I thought about it and we should get Harry to just give us some of his, you know, man stuff We're gonna get pregnant! Great! Hey, you should see the tricks we're doing with the model plane.
I just did two three-sixties in a row.
That's a a lot.
Jeez, do not do that.
Trade you this juice for some of yours.
We forgot to pay for storage at the fertility clinic and they're out of your sperm now.
Well look at me, Mr.
Sold-Outta-Sperm.
Everybody wants a piece of this.
Look, today and tomorrow are the best days for me to get pregnant this month.
So? Can we borrow some of your stuff? No way.
Change of policy.
No more withdrawals from the bank of Harry.
Lesson-sss learned.
But you knew we were going to use your frozen sperm at the clinic.
That was different.
This'd be like getting you pregnant on purpose.
Darn.
Darn.
If he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't want to do it.
It's the universe telling us to move on.
Sorry.
Hey you guys.
Hey.
Oh I just remembered, I have to go to Zoey and Michelle's to pick up Billy's old jolly jumper.
You should wait here, sweetie.
With Harry.
It'll be fun.
Rose, can I talk to you for a sec? Why are you leaving me and Bruce in situations where we have to interact? I'm not.
Okay, so I want the two important parts of my life to get along.
You're my baby's father and he's my boyfriend.
So do me a favour and get along.
Fine.
I'll hang out with Bruce.
Oh and when you're at Zoey and Michelle's, can you grab my hoodie? Things are a little bit awkward between us right now.
What did you do? It's what I won't do.
The clinic's out of my sperm.
Out of your sperm? Hey, d'you mind? The rest of us haven't added the S word to our daily vocabulary.
Sorry.
Enjoy your meals.
The moms are put out I won't put out and give them my fresh sample.
Harry! You don't understand the power you have in this situation.
The power to complete their family.
If Harry doesn't want to, he should not be guilted into it.
Thanks, Bruce.
See, Bruce gets me.
I have three kids I didn't know about until last year.
I don't want to add any more to the mix.
And I'm not going to give the moms my no-fail sperm.
Because with great power Comes great responsibility.
Spider-man.
Losers.
Here's a tip don't put him in the jolly jumper if he has diarrhea.
That's a mistake you don't make twice.
Thanks.
And I'll bring it back you'll need it once you get pregnant.
I'm not sure that's going to happen.
Yeah, I heard about Harry.
He just, he doesn't think sometimes.
He'll come around.
That's a bad choice of words I love that baby smell.
Why don't I watch him while you run your errands? It's been a while since I've looked after a baby it'll be good practice.
Really? Yes.
I love this little guy! Oh yes I do.
Oh yes I do.
How is my gorgeous, amazing, very intelligent wife that I'm so happy to be married to, and will always be married to? It's going to be a magical night.
I can't wait for you to feel the magic of a very strong, ever-lasting marriage.
I can't wait to see you too.
Actually, I'm at a hotel.
I had a conference today, and just decided to stay for a drink.
Join me, my sweet.
Honey I miss you come home.
You'll be happy you did.
I promise! Ditto honey and I promise you, that you'll be happy if you're here.
Um well babydoll I really think you should reconsider Listen sugarlips.
You need to get here now.
And why's that? Because I have boxes.
Big, large, giant boxes.
And I can't get them to the car by myself.
Boxes? Why ? Call the bellhop.
I never carry my own things.
Because there is no bellhop.
No bellhop? Where are you, Tijuana? Just get the hell down here now Jonathan.
I'll text you the address.
Fine.
Okay.
I'm on my way, doll! Great Sweetheart!! Hello What happened? The baby happened.
Take him.
Take him.
Take him.
You said you'd only be gone a couple of hours.
It was an hour and a half.
Ninety minutes? It's still Tuesday? It was that bad? I forgot how they are at this age.
He was crying, and then hungry, and then I swear Rose his head spun around and then he puked on me.
When Charlie was crying, it was like watching an art film: it's supposed to mean something, but I couldn't understand it.
He peed on me, Rose.
Shh.
You know what Rose, we've got a lot more baby stuff in storage.
Lots.
I don't think that we'll need it.
Oh, come on.
Okay.
I'll have to come back to get the rest of it.
You take it.
You take it.
Take it, take it.
Far Just a second! Come on in.
I've left it open.
Get in here, my naughty ninja.
I'm going to take you by the nunchucks and Hi Janet! Ah, wow.
Jonathan asked me to take you home.
And here's that trolley for the big boxes.
Oh, I brought Rose's boyfriend Bruce.
We're bonding.
Hi.
I'm sorry I had Harry and Bruce go and get you, it's just, I didn't want my soufflé to fall.
And it did.
Looks like neither of your soufflés are going to rise tonight.
I only made one souffl Oh.
You know you should put some cornstarch in the egg whites.
It helps prevent the souffl" from falling.
Thank you, Bruce.
That's very helpful.
I thought you were crazy when you said our marriage would be over after Ana left.
But now What? I was teasing.
Maybe Janet and I aren't on the same page.
Maybe Ana's all we have.
Maybe our marriage was just held together by your sperm.
You gave us a family.
Thank you.
I guess kids really do make a family.
Who am I to stand in the way of that? Maybe I should help Zoey and Michelle.
Oh, jeez.
This is Rose, I forgot we have dinner plans, Boys night out.
No sense letting a good souffl" go to waste.
I should really fix things with Janet.
Great.
Bruce let's dig in.
Think he wants us to go.
They're gone.
I had no idea our marriage had gotten so bad.
Neither did I! I thought I was happy! So did I! I thought every day was full of joy, but apparently I was wrong.
Well, at least we agree on something.
We need to be committed to being as unhappy as we can for as long as it takes for this marriage to work.
Fine.
But I am not unhappy.
Neither am I.
Well then.
Guess we have to make love.
Great! Great! Look, we need to talk.
With Harry not providing his stuff, we're kind of in an impossible situation here.
Finding a new sperm donor could take a while.
Absolutely, and we don't want to be a Rose and pick someone in ten seconds.
No, no, we'd want to do our research We should both just agree that if one of us doesn't like a donor profile we reject it, no questions asked.
And if we can't find the perfect sperm donor Then we don't go through with it? Yeah, ugh, too bad.
I guess we have to entertain the possibility of not having another child.
Hey.
Is Billy here? No, he's at his friend's place for the night.
Alrighty then! I know it's O-day.
So let's do this thing.
I'm in.
A turkey baster.
It helps make Thanksgiving dinner and babies! Guys! I'm giving you my sperm.
You may want to give it a rinse before you use it.
And you may want to give it another rinse before you return it to Janet and Jonathan's.
We're so gonna get you pregnant.
So what changed your mind? You guys, Rose, Jonathan, Bruce, Spiderman.
So, where should we do this? We? You.
Bathroom.
Do you have any magazines? I've have MoneySense and a Home Depot catalogue.
I'll just use my imagination.
Don't worry ladies.
I am really good at this.
Like really good.
We're gonna use Harry's sperm and a turkey baster to get me pregnant.
Right here.
Right now.
It's great.
It's just what we both want.
Yay.
Yay.
We should never have let Harry plant doubt in our heads.
Harry's not so bad.
He's helping Michelle and Zoey expand their family as we speak.
But Zoey doesn't want to have a baby.
Want, don't want.
They're big girls.
Let's work on our marriage.
For the third time.
Okay.
Be done in two shakes of a well you know.
What was that? Do guys do it differently than I've always imagined? I dropped your picture of Ghandi.
I was trying to turn him around.
I didn't want him watching me.
Just do it.
Ok.
Hey.
I'm here to pick up the rest of the baby stuff.
I had dinner plans, but because of Harry, Bruce cancelled on me so they could hang out together.
Do you have a towel I could throw over the Dalai Llama? And why do you want these men watching you go to the bathroom? Harry's here? He's upstairs.
Is that Rose? Yeah.
Hey, I was just with Bruce! You're with Bruce? No! I dropped him off at home.
Well I don't want you to see Bruce anymore.
You're not seeing Bruce anymore? No, you! I don't want you to see Bruce anymore.
I shouldn't have forced him on you.
You're different guys.
I think he was just standoffish because he thought we had feelings for each other.
You and Bruce? No you and me! But we're cool.
Said nope no feelings at all.
None.
We're gonna double date sometime.
Maybe tapas.
That'll be fun! Yeah.
Fun.
Anyway, you and Bruce helped me realize I should help Michelle and Zoey.
So.
That's what I'm doing.
Great.
What? Right now?! Harry's "helping" as we speak? Yup.
And also I thought you had second thoughts? How did you know I wait, you told Rose you had second thoughts? Why are you not answering the phone? I wanted to talk to Zoey about her worries about wanting another baby.
Everything's fine.
You have worries? And you told Janet about your worries? Well better worries than second thoughts.
And sorry to be pulling a Harry here and butting in, but I just couldn't risk you making a mistake.
Is that our turkey baster? Speaking of pulling a Harry, Harry's upstairs right now.
Pulling a Harry.
I don't think I want a baby.
Really? Really! Billy doesn't need another sibling He's got plenty.
Anastasia, Charlie could be dozens more.
Hordes.
Yeah, and we can give him our undivided attention.
Everything he needs without having to worrying about money.
Or the costs, or the expenses.
And if we want a baby fix, we can look after Rose's.
Or not.
It's our choice! We're not having another baby! Let's pop some champagne! Or sparkling white wine.
You two are so lucky to have such a strong, happy marriage.
Us? I mean, you have the strongest marriage I know.
And in a couple years you'll have an empty nest and your life back.
Okay.
To no more babies! Those little life-sucking Sweeties.
It's really not that bad.
I mean sometimes Charlie laughs at his own feet for no reason.
To families! To families! And so, that means we won't be having a baby.
You never know.
Nate's mom said she wasn't going to have another baby.
And she got pregnant on accident.
Maybe you will too! I added cornstarch this time, honey, so it would rise and stay firm.
The soufflé, that is.
Gross.
Oh hi.
How was your trip? Fun? So you're not mad at Michelle and Zoey for changing their mind? Nah, why should I be? There was a happy ending.
Nice! Yeah I don't think you two should really hang together anymore.