Sports Night (1998) s02e03 Episode Script
Cliff Gardner
Dan: Donovan McNabb|was 14-for-19 passing for a total of 163 yards|and no touchdowns.
He also ran for 19 yards Could the show be|any stiffer tonight? It's pretty stiff.
Yes, it is.
-- lt'll loosen up.
|-- It can only loosen up,|Jeremy, 'cause I don't think|it's possible for it to be any stiffer.
Stand by 55.
I thought last night was|as bad as we could get, but it turns out we had|unexplored potential for stiffness.
-- Go 55.
|-- No, wait.
-- Go 55.
|-- That's wrong.
-- Now!|-- Damn it, Dave,|get it together.
Stand by 56.
That's what we need -- we need the control room|to fall apart, too.
That's just what|the doctor ordered.
He's gotten in everyone's head.
Like a virus.
Or like a tiny electrode|that's been surgically placed in the cerebral cortex|in the middle of the night by, like, I don't know, something from "lnvasion|of the Body Snatchers.
" More like a virus.
See?|I'm totally off my game.
-- He gets his way.
|-- Yes.
No matter what,|he seems to get his way.
He does seem to be in control.
After a week.
-- Eight days.
|-- Who cares? It took me two years to|figure out how to run this show.
He comes in here, he gets|in our heads like a virus, or a whatever it is Jeremy said, and we're so stiff.
Hey.
Good evening.
Show seems a little stiff|tonight, don't you think? Yes, I do.
Maybe even stiffer|than last night.
-- I believe it is.
|-- You know why? Because you're freaking|everyone out.
-- Could be.
|-- Stand by 57 and 58.
-- You know|what I'd do if I were you?|-- Kill myself? No.
|I'd whisper in their ear.
I beg your pardon.
The two of you,|whisper something in their ear.
What are you talking about? Men like the sound of a woman|whispering in their ear.
They get playful.
Why don't we just get them|a lap dance? No, we don't have that|kind of time, but l|like your thinking.
-- Listen --|-- Whisper in their ear.
I'm not whispering|in their ear, Natalie's not|whispering in their ear.
If you want, I -- [ Snaps fingers .]
|Kim's not whispering|in their ear.
You've gotten everything|you've wanted.
We've been|totally cooperative, but I'm afraid from 1 1 :00|to 12:00 this is my show.
And I'll deal with things|the way I deal with things.
Okay.
We're in commercial.
Dave: Two minutes back.
Excuse me.
-- I believe we're about to get|a pep talk.
|-- Yeah.
I've seen brighter performances|by inmates.
-- You mind telling me|what the hell's going on?|-- We're just -- I don't want to hear about it.
|This show's supposed to be fun.
You guys sound like|you're giving stock quotes.
-- Is there a reason|I'm not aware of?|-- We think we should be -- Don't give me your excuses.
|We've got 18 minutes|of show left.
What I'd like is you guys to|start earning your money.
Do you have anything|you'd like to say? -- Yeah.
|-- Good.
[ Footsteps depart .]
-- [ Clears throat .]
|-- Donna seems pretty mad.
Dana.
Huh? Her name's Dana, not Donna.
-- Is that right?|-- Yes.
Dana's a better name.
I'm sure she appreciates that.
You know what I think? I think my presence|in the studio and in the control room|is intimidating people.
I think it's preventing you|from doing your best work.
So I'm gonna watch the rest|of the show in the newsroom.
I'm sure Dana will|appreciate that, too.
See? He's weakening.
He doesn't always get his way.
[ Chuckles .]
Did he just take our script? We just lost the TelePrompTer.
-- What?|-- We just lost|the TelePrompTer.
Dan, Casey,|we lost the TelePrompTer.
|Work off your scripts.
Sam Donovan stole the script.
Well, then, no problem.
Natalie and I will|feed you bullet points.
We'll whisper them|in your ear.
Dave: In 32 Welcome back.
They're coming here.
Natalie: When? -- They want to give notes.
|-- Yeah.
-- Dana|-- I know.
-- The wheels are coming off|the wagon, Dana.
|-- I know.
-- They want to come give notes?|-- Yeah.
Just gather us up|and give us some notes? They're very serious about it.
-- Who's coming --|J.
J.
and the boys?|-- Yeah.
Good, 'cause they're qualified|to tell us how to write and|produce a television show, given their many years|of experience neither writing|nor producing television shows.
What do you want|from me, Natalie?|We work for a network.
-- How did this happen?|-- Look -- How did Sam Donovan happen? Why are we getting|network notes? How did this place|turn into a morgue so fast? We are in third place, Natalie.
We are getting our asses kicked|by ESPN and Fox.
Those guys have been around|forever.
We're three years old.
We're still in third place.
Every show on this network's|in third place.
It's a third-place network.
It doesn't mean we weren't|doing the show well.
Isaac had a stroke.
I know that.
So what? -- So I'm doing the best I can.
|-- No one's blaming you.
Everyone's blaming me! And knowing me|as you do, Natalie, I thought you might consider|cutting me a little slack! Natalie, if this keeps up,|I gotta [ Sighs .]
Iook seriously|at some offers.
Really? I can work anywhere I want.
Who'd want to stay for this? Well, you're not|leaving me here.
No.
You're taking me with you,|Dana.
Of course.
I mean, I don't care if|it's a station in Altoona --|you're taking me with you.
I'm taking you with me.
|I'm taking you.
Jeremy has to come, too.
Fine.
And you're not gonna be happy|unless Casey's there.
-- Casey can come.
|-- Casey needs Dan.
[ Voice breaking .]
|I know.
Nobody's blaming you, Dana.
We've got a rundown meeting.
That's what I like to see|at the noon rundown --|some lively chatter, the place alive|with energy and ideas.
Oh, the creative process.
-- Dana|-- Stow it.
|Let's take care of business.
[ Clears throat .]
|There's a, uh, memo|from building maintenance that one of the legs|on the craft-service table|is wobbly, and we should be careful|while getting ourselves food.
What? There's a memo|from building maintenance.
That one of the legs on the|craft-service table is wobbly? Yeah.
[ Laughs .]
[ Laughter .]
-- Hey|-- [ Laughter stops .]
the show's important,|but first things first -- there are bagels on that table.
[ Laughter resumes .]
[ Silence .]
J.
J.
and some people|from the network -- I knew it.
|-- want to meet with us|at 8:00.
They want to give us|some notes.
-- Damn it.
|-- Danny -- The network wants to|give us notes?|-- Yeah.
-- I thought we were finished|with that.
|-- Apparently not.
-- And may I ask what --|-- No.
May I ask what you're doing|about this? I'm having them arrested, Danny.
I'm telling their parents.
|I'm telling the teacher.
I'm gonna go to my room|and lock the door.
I'd accept any of those|before I'd believe you'd|just let these people in.
-- I'm doing the best I can.
|-- And the fact that might be|true absolutely terrifies me,|Dana.
-- Danny.
|-- You've become a malcontent,|Danny.
You've become a secretary, Dana.
Let's do this later.
-- It's okay.
We --|-- This meeting's over.
That's nice, man.
We're in trouble.
I know.
[ Knock on door .]
Who is it? -- I have gifts for you.
|-- That wasn't necessary.
I think it was.
You once took a trip|to Napa and you visited|a small vineyard there.
You told me you tried some wine|that you loved, and you could never|find it anywhere.
I thought|I remembered the name, but I wasn't sure.
Is this it? Yes.
Good.
I always like|wine and cheese.
I know.
I wanted to get you|some cheese.
There's a great cheese place|over on Second Avenue.
I went over there|after I got the wine,|but it's gone.
There's a hardware store|there now.
That's okay.
I got you some Spackle.
[ Both laugh .]
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
[ Knock on door .]
-- Hey.
|-- Hey.
Everything all right? I'm looking at tape.
I'll see you later.
You got some wine.
[ Chuckles .]
|And some Spackle.
You needed Spackle? No, but, you know,|it's always good to have around.
-- How you feelin'?|-- Terrible.
I've got an idea.
-- What?|-- You're gonna say|it's against the rules, -- but I think it's|a really good idea.
|-- What? Let's go on a date tonight.
I think that's a great idea.
But? It's against the rules.
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe today's not the best day|to talk about it.
No.
Thanks.
Hey, is there anything|I can do for you? You could stay cool|during the notes meeting.
-- Keep Danny in his chair, too.
|-- Yeah.
We gotta remember|it wasn't the network that brought in Sam Donovan --|it was lsaac, -- and that makes it|a little more|-- Yeah.
Thanks.
So, I was, uh, talking with Danny|about the dating plan.
And he thinks|you should be psyched? Yeah, yeah, I mean,|which I thought was crazy, but, you know,|maybe I'm the one who's crazy.
Casey, I want you|to date other women.
I don't want you to enjoy it.
Ah.
You see? Not really.
You know, maybe you could|explain it better to me|if we had a date tonight.
I want us to have|a real chance.
I understand.
Do you? No,|but what choice do I have? Tsk.
-- [ Sighs .]
|-- None.
I didn't think so.
You'll stay quiet|with the network? Yeah.
-- And Danny, too?|-- Yeah.
Thanks.
[ Knock on door .]
J.
J.
, you know Sam Donovan? Oh, we haven't met.
|It's a pleasure.
-- Hi.
|-- This is Ray Mitchel, Director|of Program Development -- Hi.
|-- Hi.
and Billie Tasker, -- Hi.
|-- Hi.
Isaac, we know you're busy,|so we'll cut to the chase.
"Sports Night"'s|been underachieving.
It's not an exaggeration|to say at this point that the network's concern|is extreme.
Now, Ray and Billie have been|writing memos and sending notes|to your staff for a year, and they have fallen|on deaf ears.
It is simply time for us|to step in.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Excuse me? I said I'm sorry|you feel that way, that the notes have fallen|on deaf ears.
I've always felt that they were|given their due consideration.
They weren't.
You mean because|we didn't take them? Just because we didn't execute|all the network's suggestions doesn't mean|we weren't listening.
It just means we didn't agree.
You didn't expect me|to substitute your judgment for mine, did you, J.
J.
? -- Not then, no.
|-- But now.
Yes.
Will it keep everyone here|from losing their jobs? I don't understand.
If I allow you three|to go in there and mess with my show, will it keep my staff|from losing their jobs? I can't make promises.
-- J.
J.
?|-- Yeah? I've never liked you.
I know.
We're done.
Sam, can we see you|a second outside? [ Door opens .]
It doesn't seem like he's|recovering as fast as we hoped.
-- Really?|-- Yeah.
You guys want to exert more|control over the show, right? Yeah.
Then it seems|like he's recovering|exactly as fast as you'd hoped.
I think our point was|that he's no longer able|to do the show.
To tell you the truth,|it's not clear that he was|ever able to do the job.
He was a bit of|a sentimental choice -- What we're saying is that you|seem to be able to exert some authority around here.
And we like the idea of a|more sales-oriented executive|at the top of the pyramid.
So we were hoping|when things settle down here that you'd consider sitting down|and talking to Luther Sachs about making it permanent.
Was there anything else? No.
Okay.
Okay.
Great.
Good to meet you.
[ Door closes .]
This is my favorite time of day and my favorite time of year|in New York.
Mine too.
Did they offer you my job? No.
They were talking to me|about some numbers I'd put together on the Midwest.
A small market team -- Don't lie to me, Sam.
They offered me your job.
[ Chuckles .]
|You should play ball|with them, son.
You shouldn't mess them around.
You could have a big future|at this network.
I appreciate the advice.
Don't brush me off.
I know you like|being a gunslinger, bopping from job to job, but you're better than that,|and you know it.
Also, you're a grown man now.
You don't have 30 cents|in your pocket.
[ Both laugh .]
Yeah.
[ Chuckles .]
Think about what I said.
You going to this meeting? No.
I'm gonna go sit|in the control room|and watch a color test.
You're the managing editor.
You're gonna sit in the control|room and watch a color test? I feel like doing something|that has something to do|with television.
Okay.
[ Door closes .]
See, and that gets us back to the same thing|we were talking about with note 22 on page 6.
It really all boils down|to the same thing.
-- Well, not all --|-- No, not all.
But what we're saying, and l|think I speak for all of us -- Yes.
|-- That the problem's|in the writing.
Now, when we say that,|bear in mind that we're|huge fans of yours.
-- Yesabsolutely.
|-- We appreciate the style, but you got to remember|that not everyone is|as smart as we are.
And we would like you guys|to write the show|more like, who? Keith and Kenny|are a good example.
-- Yes.
|-- Or Craig.
|-- Yeah.
Now, we've been|sending you the scripts,|and we've been writing notes, and we've been talking|to you till we're blue|in the face -- -- They've been trying.
|-- No, they haven't, Dana.
Yes, they have.
I'd like to continue this|meeting in my office, please.
|This isn't fair to the staff.
We find that when we give|the notes to you, they don't|make their way to the staff.
That's not true.
|She always -- J.
J.
, Dan and Casey are|professional writers, they're not waiters|in a restaurant.
You can't tell them|what you'd like and how you'd like it prepared.
This show is bought and paid for|by my network, Dana.
That is exactly what I can do.
I'll ask you again --|please, let's have this|meeting in my office.
And I am telling you|we're past that.
J.
J.
, I was hoping this meeting|would go differently.
I was prepared to eat whatever|I had to for lsaac's sake.
And I asked the senior staff|to do the same, which, by the way, is the only|reason why Dan, Casey, Jeremy,|Elliott, Chris, Will, and Dave haven't beaten the crap|out of you guys by now.
I've changed my mind! At this point,|you have two choices -- fire me or shut the hell up! Dana, sad to say|that your attitude|over these past three years combined with these|totally unacceptable ratings|make that a very easy choice.
Hang on.
-- Look -- What?|Casey: Yeah We can try harder.
Danny.
We can.
Nobody needs to lose their job|over this.
We can try harder.
Let's get to the rest|of the notes.
Get to the rest of the notes.
Turning to page -- Dana: Let's take five.
J.
J.
: Dana.
Please.
We're getting through|these notes.
Do what you want, but for|five minutes you'll be talking|to an empty room.
Let's take five.
Unbelievable.
I'm losing my patience|for this, J.
J.
-- Hey.
|-- Hey, Sam.
How's it going? It's going fine.
I'm sorryis it Jim-Bob? J.
J.
-- Really?|-- Yeah.
-- I thought it was Jim-Bob.
|-- No.
-- Take a walk with me,|will you?|-- Where? It's a surprise.
[ lndistinct voices,|telephones ringing .]
You guys know|who Philo Farnsworth was? -- Philo Farnsworth?|-- Yeah.
What's going on? He invented television.
I don't mean|he invented television|like Uncle Milty.
I mean he invented|the television in a little house|in Provo, Utah, at a time when the idea|of transmitting moving pictures|through the air would be like me saying|I figured out a way to beam us aboard|the starship Enterprise.
-- Yeah, look, l-I --|-- He was a visionary.
He died broke|and without fanfare.
The guy I really like, though, was his brother-in-law,|Cliff Gardner.
He said, "Philo, I know|everyone thinks you're crazy, "but I want to be|a part of this.
"l don't have your head|for science, "so I'm not going to be able|to help much "with the design and the|mechanics of the invention, but it sounds like you're|going to need glass tubes.
" -- J.
J.
, l-I don't think --|-- You see, Philo was inventing|the cathode receptor, and even though Cliff|didn't know what that meant|or how it worked, he'd seen Philo's drawing, and he knew that he was gonna|need glass tubes.
And since television|hadn't been invented yet, it's not like you could get them|at the local TV repair shop.
"l want to be a part|of this," Cliff said.
"l don't have your head|for science.
"How would it be|if I were to teach myself|to be a glass blower? "And I could set up|a little shop in the backyard.
And I could make all the tubes|you'll need for testing.
" There ought to be|Congressional Medals|for people like that.
-- Maybe so --|-- I've looked over the notes|you've been giving over the last year or so,|and I have to say they exhibit an almost total lack|of understanding of how to get the best|from talented people.
Excuse me, but -- You said before|that for whatever reason, I seem to be able to exert|some authority around here.
I assure you it's not|'cause they like me.
It's 'cause they knew two minutes after|I walked in the door I'm someone who knows|how to do something.
I can help.
I can make glass tubes.
That's what they need.
One last thing -- the first and last|decision-making authority on this show will rest|with lsaac Jaffee until lsaac Jaffee|says otherwise, and if you disrespect him|in my presence again, I will rededicate|the rest of my life to ruining the rest of yours.
And if you think|I'm just mouthing at you, you should ask around about me.
I have absolutely no conscience|about these things.
Sam, why did you|bring us out here? Because there's the exit.
|That's it.
The meeting's over.
Isaac: You're a lunatic,|you know that? You were watching? The color test.
Yeah, well You should have said it|in front of them.
It's not what I do.
Okay.
What happened to these people? Someone want to go look|for them? -- Where's J.
J.
?|-- They're gone.
I don't have to like you.
|You don't have to like me.
I have two priorities.
The first is getting|from the beginning of the day to the end of the day|without having a drink.
The second is raising|this show's ratings to the point|where it's no longer in danger of what almost happened|here today.
Trust me.
I won't make fools out of you.
WellIet's go do the show.
On the next "Sports Night" -- Hello!|-- Ah! Why are you reading my mail? Since when have you been|corresponding with my sister? Do you know what this week's|lnternet-poll question is? Who's cooler -- Dan or Casey? You're winning -- 153 to 6.
I want to bury him.
-- I could get in trouble.
|-- This is what men do, Jeremy.
There's such a thing|as team morale.
Not that big on morale.
-- Not as crazy as Dana|coming back from dinner|without her panties.
-- What?|-- Hmm?
He also ran for 19 yards Could the show be|any stiffer tonight? It's pretty stiff.
Yes, it is.
-- lt'll loosen up.
|-- It can only loosen up,|Jeremy, 'cause I don't think|it's possible for it to be any stiffer.
Stand by 55.
I thought last night was|as bad as we could get, but it turns out we had|unexplored potential for stiffness.
-- Go 55.
|-- No, wait.
-- Go 55.
|-- That's wrong.
-- Now!|-- Damn it, Dave,|get it together.
Stand by 56.
That's what we need -- we need the control room|to fall apart, too.
That's just what|the doctor ordered.
He's gotten in everyone's head.
Like a virus.
Or like a tiny electrode|that's been surgically placed in the cerebral cortex|in the middle of the night by, like, I don't know, something from "lnvasion|of the Body Snatchers.
" More like a virus.
See?|I'm totally off my game.
-- He gets his way.
|-- Yes.
No matter what,|he seems to get his way.
He does seem to be in control.
After a week.
-- Eight days.
|-- Who cares? It took me two years to|figure out how to run this show.
He comes in here, he gets|in our heads like a virus, or a whatever it is Jeremy said, and we're so stiff.
Hey.
Good evening.
Show seems a little stiff|tonight, don't you think? Yes, I do.
Maybe even stiffer|than last night.
-- I believe it is.
|-- You know why? Because you're freaking|everyone out.
-- Could be.
|-- Stand by 57 and 58.
-- You know|what I'd do if I were you?|-- Kill myself? No.
|I'd whisper in their ear.
I beg your pardon.
The two of you,|whisper something in their ear.
What are you talking about? Men like the sound of a woman|whispering in their ear.
They get playful.
Why don't we just get them|a lap dance? No, we don't have that|kind of time, but l|like your thinking.
-- Listen --|-- Whisper in their ear.
I'm not whispering|in their ear, Natalie's not|whispering in their ear.
If you want, I -- [ Snaps fingers .]
|Kim's not whispering|in their ear.
You've gotten everything|you've wanted.
We've been|totally cooperative, but I'm afraid from 1 1 :00|to 12:00 this is my show.
And I'll deal with things|the way I deal with things.
Okay.
We're in commercial.
Dave: Two minutes back.
Excuse me.
-- I believe we're about to get|a pep talk.
|-- Yeah.
I've seen brighter performances|by inmates.
-- You mind telling me|what the hell's going on?|-- We're just -- I don't want to hear about it.
|This show's supposed to be fun.
You guys sound like|you're giving stock quotes.
-- Is there a reason|I'm not aware of?|-- We think we should be -- Don't give me your excuses.
|We've got 18 minutes|of show left.
What I'd like is you guys to|start earning your money.
Do you have anything|you'd like to say? -- Yeah.
|-- Good.
[ Footsteps depart .]
-- [ Clears throat .]
|-- Donna seems pretty mad.
Dana.
Huh? Her name's Dana, not Donna.
-- Is that right?|-- Yes.
Dana's a better name.
I'm sure she appreciates that.
You know what I think? I think my presence|in the studio and in the control room|is intimidating people.
I think it's preventing you|from doing your best work.
So I'm gonna watch the rest|of the show in the newsroom.
I'm sure Dana will|appreciate that, too.
See? He's weakening.
He doesn't always get his way.
[ Chuckles .]
Did he just take our script? We just lost the TelePrompTer.
-- What?|-- We just lost|the TelePrompTer.
Dan, Casey,|we lost the TelePrompTer.
|Work off your scripts.
Sam Donovan stole the script.
Well, then, no problem.
Natalie and I will|feed you bullet points.
We'll whisper them|in your ear.
Dave: In 32 Welcome back.
They're coming here.
Natalie: When? -- They want to give notes.
|-- Yeah.
-- Dana|-- I know.
-- The wheels are coming off|the wagon, Dana.
|-- I know.
-- They want to come give notes?|-- Yeah.
Just gather us up|and give us some notes? They're very serious about it.
-- Who's coming --|J.
J.
and the boys?|-- Yeah.
Good, 'cause they're qualified|to tell us how to write and|produce a television show, given their many years|of experience neither writing|nor producing television shows.
What do you want|from me, Natalie?|We work for a network.
-- How did this happen?|-- Look -- How did Sam Donovan happen? Why are we getting|network notes? How did this place|turn into a morgue so fast? We are in third place, Natalie.
We are getting our asses kicked|by ESPN and Fox.
Those guys have been around|forever.
We're three years old.
We're still in third place.
Every show on this network's|in third place.
It's a third-place network.
It doesn't mean we weren't|doing the show well.
Isaac had a stroke.
I know that.
So what? -- So I'm doing the best I can.
|-- No one's blaming you.
Everyone's blaming me! And knowing me|as you do, Natalie, I thought you might consider|cutting me a little slack! Natalie, if this keeps up,|I gotta [ Sighs .]
Iook seriously|at some offers.
Really? I can work anywhere I want.
Who'd want to stay for this? Well, you're not|leaving me here.
No.
You're taking me with you,|Dana.
Of course.
I mean, I don't care if|it's a station in Altoona --|you're taking me with you.
I'm taking you with me.
|I'm taking you.
Jeremy has to come, too.
Fine.
And you're not gonna be happy|unless Casey's there.
-- Casey can come.
|-- Casey needs Dan.
[ Voice breaking .]
|I know.
Nobody's blaming you, Dana.
We've got a rundown meeting.
That's what I like to see|at the noon rundown --|some lively chatter, the place alive|with energy and ideas.
Oh, the creative process.
-- Dana|-- Stow it.
|Let's take care of business.
[ Clears throat .]
|There's a, uh, memo|from building maintenance that one of the legs|on the craft-service table|is wobbly, and we should be careful|while getting ourselves food.
What? There's a memo|from building maintenance.
That one of the legs on the|craft-service table is wobbly? Yeah.
[ Laughs .]
[ Laughter .]
-- Hey|-- [ Laughter stops .]
the show's important,|but first things first -- there are bagels on that table.
[ Laughter resumes .]
[ Silence .]
J.
J.
and some people|from the network -- I knew it.
|-- want to meet with us|at 8:00.
They want to give us|some notes.
-- Damn it.
|-- Danny -- The network wants to|give us notes?|-- Yeah.
-- I thought we were finished|with that.
|-- Apparently not.
-- And may I ask what --|-- No.
May I ask what you're doing|about this? I'm having them arrested, Danny.
I'm telling their parents.
|I'm telling the teacher.
I'm gonna go to my room|and lock the door.
I'd accept any of those|before I'd believe you'd|just let these people in.
-- I'm doing the best I can.
|-- And the fact that might be|true absolutely terrifies me,|Dana.
-- Danny.
|-- You've become a malcontent,|Danny.
You've become a secretary, Dana.
Let's do this later.
-- It's okay.
We --|-- This meeting's over.
That's nice, man.
We're in trouble.
I know.
[ Knock on door .]
Who is it? -- I have gifts for you.
|-- That wasn't necessary.
I think it was.
You once took a trip|to Napa and you visited|a small vineyard there.
You told me you tried some wine|that you loved, and you could never|find it anywhere.
I thought|I remembered the name, but I wasn't sure.
Is this it? Yes.
Good.
I always like|wine and cheese.
I know.
I wanted to get you|some cheese.
There's a great cheese place|over on Second Avenue.
I went over there|after I got the wine,|but it's gone.
There's a hardware store|there now.
That's okay.
I got you some Spackle.
[ Both laugh .]
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
[ Knock on door .]
-- Hey.
|-- Hey.
Everything all right? I'm looking at tape.
I'll see you later.
You got some wine.
[ Chuckles .]
|And some Spackle.
You needed Spackle? No, but, you know,|it's always good to have around.
-- How you feelin'?|-- Terrible.
I've got an idea.
-- What?|-- You're gonna say|it's against the rules, -- but I think it's|a really good idea.
|-- What? Let's go on a date tonight.
I think that's a great idea.
But? It's against the rules.
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe today's not the best day|to talk about it.
No.
Thanks.
Hey, is there anything|I can do for you? You could stay cool|during the notes meeting.
-- Keep Danny in his chair, too.
|-- Yeah.
We gotta remember|it wasn't the network that brought in Sam Donovan --|it was lsaac, -- and that makes it|a little more|-- Yeah.
Thanks.
So, I was, uh, talking with Danny|about the dating plan.
And he thinks|you should be psyched? Yeah, yeah, I mean,|which I thought was crazy, but, you know,|maybe I'm the one who's crazy.
Casey, I want you|to date other women.
I don't want you to enjoy it.
Ah.
You see? Not really.
You know, maybe you could|explain it better to me|if we had a date tonight.
I want us to have|a real chance.
I understand.
Do you? No,|but what choice do I have? Tsk.
-- [ Sighs .]
|-- None.
I didn't think so.
You'll stay quiet|with the network? Yeah.
-- And Danny, too?|-- Yeah.
Thanks.
[ Knock on door .]
J.
J.
, you know Sam Donovan? Oh, we haven't met.
|It's a pleasure.
-- Hi.
|-- This is Ray Mitchel, Director|of Program Development -- Hi.
|-- Hi.
and Billie Tasker, -- Hi.
|-- Hi.
Isaac, we know you're busy,|so we'll cut to the chase.
"Sports Night"'s|been underachieving.
It's not an exaggeration|to say at this point that the network's concern|is extreme.
Now, Ray and Billie have been|writing memos and sending notes|to your staff for a year, and they have fallen|on deaf ears.
It is simply time for us|to step in.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Excuse me? I said I'm sorry|you feel that way, that the notes have fallen|on deaf ears.
I've always felt that they were|given their due consideration.
They weren't.
You mean because|we didn't take them? Just because we didn't execute|all the network's suggestions doesn't mean|we weren't listening.
It just means we didn't agree.
You didn't expect me|to substitute your judgment for mine, did you, J.
J.
? -- Not then, no.
|-- But now.
Yes.
Will it keep everyone here|from losing their jobs? I don't understand.
If I allow you three|to go in there and mess with my show, will it keep my staff|from losing their jobs? I can't make promises.
-- J.
J.
?|-- Yeah? I've never liked you.
I know.
We're done.
Sam, can we see you|a second outside? [ Door opens .]
It doesn't seem like he's|recovering as fast as we hoped.
-- Really?|-- Yeah.
You guys want to exert more|control over the show, right? Yeah.
Then it seems|like he's recovering|exactly as fast as you'd hoped.
I think our point was|that he's no longer able|to do the show.
To tell you the truth,|it's not clear that he was|ever able to do the job.
He was a bit of|a sentimental choice -- What we're saying is that you|seem to be able to exert some authority around here.
And we like the idea of a|more sales-oriented executive|at the top of the pyramid.
So we were hoping|when things settle down here that you'd consider sitting down|and talking to Luther Sachs about making it permanent.
Was there anything else? No.
Okay.
Okay.
Great.
Good to meet you.
[ Door closes .]
This is my favorite time of day and my favorite time of year|in New York.
Mine too.
Did they offer you my job? No.
They were talking to me|about some numbers I'd put together on the Midwest.
A small market team -- Don't lie to me, Sam.
They offered me your job.
[ Chuckles .]
|You should play ball|with them, son.
You shouldn't mess them around.
You could have a big future|at this network.
I appreciate the advice.
Don't brush me off.
I know you like|being a gunslinger, bopping from job to job, but you're better than that,|and you know it.
Also, you're a grown man now.
You don't have 30 cents|in your pocket.
[ Both laugh .]
Yeah.
[ Chuckles .]
Think about what I said.
You going to this meeting? No.
I'm gonna go sit|in the control room|and watch a color test.
You're the managing editor.
You're gonna sit in the control|room and watch a color test? I feel like doing something|that has something to do|with television.
Okay.
[ Door closes .]
See, and that gets us back to the same thing|we were talking about with note 22 on page 6.
It really all boils down|to the same thing.
-- Well, not all --|-- No, not all.
But what we're saying, and l|think I speak for all of us -- Yes.
|-- That the problem's|in the writing.
Now, when we say that,|bear in mind that we're|huge fans of yours.
-- Yesabsolutely.
|-- We appreciate the style, but you got to remember|that not everyone is|as smart as we are.
And we would like you guys|to write the show|more like, who? Keith and Kenny|are a good example.
-- Yes.
|-- Or Craig.
|-- Yeah.
Now, we've been|sending you the scripts,|and we've been writing notes, and we've been talking|to you till we're blue|in the face -- -- They've been trying.
|-- No, they haven't, Dana.
Yes, they have.
I'd like to continue this|meeting in my office, please.
|This isn't fair to the staff.
We find that when we give|the notes to you, they don't|make their way to the staff.
That's not true.
|She always -- J.
J.
, Dan and Casey are|professional writers, they're not waiters|in a restaurant.
You can't tell them|what you'd like and how you'd like it prepared.
This show is bought and paid for|by my network, Dana.
That is exactly what I can do.
I'll ask you again --|please, let's have this|meeting in my office.
And I am telling you|we're past that.
J.
J.
, I was hoping this meeting|would go differently.
I was prepared to eat whatever|I had to for lsaac's sake.
And I asked the senior staff|to do the same, which, by the way, is the only|reason why Dan, Casey, Jeremy,|Elliott, Chris, Will, and Dave haven't beaten the crap|out of you guys by now.
I've changed my mind! At this point,|you have two choices -- fire me or shut the hell up! Dana, sad to say|that your attitude|over these past three years combined with these|totally unacceptable ratings|make that a very easy choice.
Hang on.
-- Look -- What?|Casey: Yeah We can try harder.
Danny.
We can.
Nobody needs to lose their job|over this.
We can try harder.
Let's get to the rest|of the notes.
Get to the rest of the notes.
Turning to page -- Dana: Let's take five.
J.
J.
: Dana.
Please.
We're getting through|these notes.
Do what you want, but for|five minutes you'll be talking|to an empty room.
Let's take five.
Unbelievable.
I'm losing my patience|for this, J.
J.
-- Hey.
|-- Hey, Sam.
How's it going? It's going fine.
I'm sorryis it Jim-Bob? J.
J.
-- Really?|-- Yeah.
-- I thought it was Jim-Bob.
|-- No.
-- Take a walk with me,|will you?|-- Where? It's a surprise.
[ lndistinct voices,|telephones ringing .]
You guys know|who Philo Farnsworth was? -- Philo Farnsworth?|-- Yeah.
What's going on? He invented television.
I don't mean|he invented television|like Uncle Milty.
I mean he invented|the television in a little house|in Provo, Utah, at a time when the idea|of transmitting moving pictures|through the air would be like me saying|I figured out a way to beam us aboard|the starship Enterprise.
-- Yeah, look, l-I --|-- He was a visionary.
He died broke|and without fanfare.
The guy I really like, though, was his brother-in-law,|Cliff Gardner.
He said, "Philo, I know|everyone thinks you're crazy, "but I want to be|a part of this.
"l don't have your head|for science, "so I'm not going to be able|to help much "with the design and the|mechanics of the invention, but it sounds like you're|going to need glass tubes.
" -- J.
J.
, l-I don't think --|-- You see, Philo was inventing|the cathode receptor, and even though Cliff|didn't know what that meant|or how it worked, he'd seen Philo's drawing, and he knew that he was gonna|need glass tubes.
And since television|hadn't been invented yet, it's not like you could get them|at the local TV repair shop.
"l want to be a part|of this," Cliff said.
"l don't have your head|for science.
"How would it be|if I were to teach myself|to be a glass blower? "And I could set up|a little shop in the backyard.
And I could make all the tubes|you'll need for testing.
" There ought to be|Congressional Medals|for people like that.
-- Maybe so --|-- I've looked over the notes|you've been giving over the last year or so,|and I have to say they exhibit an almost total lack|of understanding of how to get the best|from talented people.
Excuse me, but -- You said before|that for whatever reason, I seem to be able to exert|some authority around here.
I assure you it's not|'cause they like me.
It's 'cause they knew two minutes after|I walked in the door I'm someone who knows|how to do something.
I can help.
I can make glass tubes.
That's what they need.
One last thing -- the first and last|decision-making authority on this show will rest|with lsaac Jaffee until lsaac Jaffee|says otherwise, and if you disrespect him|in my presence again, I will rededicate|the rest of my life to ruining the rest of yours.
And if you think|I'm just mouthing at you, you should ask around about me.
I have absolutely no conscience|about these things.
Sam, why did you|bring us out here? Because there's the exit.
|That's it.
The meeting's over.
Isaac: You're a lunatic,|you know that? You were watching? The color test.
Yeah, well You should have said it|in front of them.
It's not what I do.
Okay.
What happened to these people? Someone want to go look|for them? -- Where's J.
J.
?|-- They're gone.
I don't have to like you.
|You don't have to like me.
I have two priorities.
The first is getting|from the beginning of the day to the end of the day|without having a drink.
The second is raising|this show's ratings to the point|where it's no longer in danger of what almost happened|here today.
Trust me.
I won't make fools out of you.
WellIet's go do the show.
On the next "Sports Night" -- Hello!|-- Ah! Why are you reading my mail? Since when have you been|corresponding with my sister? Do you know what this week's|lnternet-poll question is? Who's cooler -- Dan or Casey? You're winning -- 153 to 6.
I want to bury him.
-- I could get in trouble.
|-- This is what men do, Jeremy.
There's such a thing|as team morale.
Not that big on morale.
-- Not as crazy as Dana|coming back from dinner|without her panties.
-- What?|-- Hmm?