Spy (2011) s02e03 Episode Script
Codename: Lie Hard
It has long been recognised that role-playing offers a dynamic form of psychotherapy which enables individuals to explore their hidden emotions and deep rooted conflicts Are you reading that? Hm? Are you reading that from a book? Yeah, isn't it fascinating? You'd think I would know this stuff already! Yeah.
Are you actually qualified? Excuse me, what do you think that is? A diploma in Hotel Management.
From the Turkish Open University.
Good times! Anyway, why should you have custody of the child when your relationship is so clearly unstable? It isn't.
Trust me, this not working.
What are you talking about, we're great together.
Prepared to put it to the test? No.
Yes! Yes.
Terrific! Wait, you've got work today, haven't you? So it'll just be me and Judith, alone.
Ah, damn it! That is so annoying.
It's all right.
I'll get someone to cover for me.
No one's available, I checked.
I mean, what I mean is, have you checked? Well, Chris can stand in for me.
Well, that is marvellous and unexpected news.
Sorry, I still I'm not clear on how role-play can help us? Well, it says here that it allows people to explore unresolved issues of conflict and distrust within the safety of therapy.
I dunno, do you have any "unresolved issues of conflict or distrust"? He won't let me talk to his class.
We're not discussing this again.
You can't keep cutting me out of your life! I need space to grow.
Oh! So a few issues then? Maybe one or two.
I'm just living under a cloud of resentment and constant shame.
You're ashamed of me? Shouldn't be feeling that way, should he? Wait a sec Sadism schizophrenia Ah, here we are - "Shame.
" Let's have a look, shall we? Now, as you can see, the breakdown in the upper left lateral incisor requires urgent composite resin restoration Rubbish.
Did you want to say something, Shamila? That is a clear case of acid erosion.
Excuse me, but the discolouration on the palatal aspect quite clearly supports my diagnosis.
Your diagnosis sucks! How dare you! OK! Let's wrap it up there, shall we? That was great.
Round of applause for Dr Pranesh.
Next up, we have Marcus' dad.
Up you come, Tim.
Get in and get out.
They will eat your soul from the inside.
Watch the master at work.
OK Let me hear you say "yeah"! You're supposed to? You're not feeling that? OK, that's, that's cool.
Coolio.
Em, all right guys, a prize for the first person who can guess what it is I do for a living? Are you a dancer? No.
You a drug dealer? Er, no! Are you a vegetarian? No.
And that's not even a job, so Superman was a vegetarian.
Well, it wasn't his job though was it? Next? Are you unemployed? No.
Obviously not.
So, why don't you know what you do? Um, I do know.
What do you do? You're meant to be guessing.
He is a dancer.
Oh for f! OK! Maybe put us out of our misery, Tim, and tell us quickly what your job is? OK, Fine.
Fine.
OK.
Guys, I actually work for the Civil Service.
Sounds boring.
It's not boring.
Is that like being a waiter? Look, OK.
My job involves security.
Like a security guard? It's nothing like a security guard.
Do you have a torch? I am not a security guard.
Are you a nurse? I'm I just told you I work for the Civil Service! I think he's a drug dealer.
This is ridiculous.
Great! Well, fascinating stuff from Marcus' dad.
Thank you, Tim.
Whatever.
All right so, Marcus, if you want to gather up your stuff, you and your dad can go.
Go? Go where? To your office? That's the point.
You come to school this morning and then they spend the rest of the day with you at work.
No! Ino! I mean, it's That girl before, she didn't have to Forgot my probes.
Are we going or not? Yeah.
Oh OK.
Well, let's start exploring the strength of your relationship with you telling Philip how you feel about him.
OK.
But, uh, I'd like you, Philip, to sit here.
Oh, OK.
There.
This is nice.
Should I start? Please.
Only I would like you to direct your words at me.
Why? Isn't it obvious? No No? Well, I can only assess the strength of your relationship by observing it from the inside.
Is that what is says in the book? Yes.
Probably.
I don't know That's fine.
I completely respect your decision.
I'm sure Judith understands your mistrust and willingness to forfeit custody.
OK, fine.
No, it's fine.
In your own time, please.
But before you start, I have prepared some words for you to read.
You want me to read this? Respect the process.
My darling Philip Does it say "Philip"? No, but Well, just stick to the text.
My darling.
Since I met you, my heart has not stopped pounding.
Good.
How odd.
Go on.
I ache Err, keeping it here.
I ache to feel your strong fingers upon my skin.
Er, sorry Shh! How I long to feel your warm breath upon my lips.
I am ready to give myself to you and consummate our love with this I'm going out to lunch now! Thank you, Barbara! You came to visit me.
Hm? What? Oh yeah.
Sure, sure.
How is it? It hurts.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sorry about the old, er Accidents will happen.
Accidents.
Yeah, sure.
You want a mint? Those aren't mints, sir.
Sort of are.
They're amphetamines.
Taste minty.
OK.
How many have you had? I don't know.
Two, maybe three Packets.
Sir, that is dangerous medication.
Ah "High dosage may induce hallucinations and paranoia.
" I think we should call the nurse.
Relax! Do I seem any different? No.
Or maybe that's what you want me to think? And there it is.
Shhhhhh! Who's your teacher? Mr Quill.
Thank you, Miss Keane, I'll be taking this class.
Are you a teacher? Am I teacher?! Good day to you, madam! Well, I'm next door if you need me I said good day! Right! My name is Mr Pitt-Goddard.
And I am your worst nightmare! You're acting very strangely.
No, I'm not.
Oh, look at that! What? Ah, it's gone.
Hm! Good morning, sir! - Good - Get off! What was that? Tim? Mmm? They're everywhere.
Sta Stay alert.
Mm-hmm.
All right, you take care now! All right.
Come on.
What on earth do you think you're doing? Keep it down.
No, I will not keep it down! How dare you! Don't try and cosy up to me now that you're feeling bad.
What are you doing? Oh, it's you.
Cait You remember, you remember Caitlin? Yes, hello.
Hello, Marcus.
Did you tell him you're MI5? No, of course not! If anyone sees him here, you'll get fired! Oh, really? Thank you! I didn't have any choice.
So, this is where you work? Yes.
Well, sort of.
Tim actually works upstairs.
No, on the Yes, I do.
On the sixth maybe? In fact, you should probably get up there now! Well, I must say argh! Put me down this instant! Hello.
Don't suppose you heard a child's voice? A child? Mmm! Here? Mmm! No.
No? Good.
Good.
What a miserable office.
Let's go this way.
Can I help you? Oooh! I think I can find my desk, thank you, Geoff.
Who are you? That is so Geoff! It's Roy.
Why don't you go sit over there and I will get us some drinks? That's the boss' love child.
We're deporting him to the Ukraine this afternoon.
But why are you up here? And who are you? Oh ho ho! I have missed you! How's the wife? Dead.
Right.
Really? I'm sorry.
Do you want any any? No? What do you want? Surprise me.
Do you want a peppermint? Leslie! What are you doing in HR? The usual.
Which is? Guess! No.
No? OK.
Fair point.
Ineed a form.
A form? What are you? Ilove you! What? I love you, Leslie.
I can't deny it any longer.
Your hair.
Your Surprisingly rough skin.
Stop touching me.
Are you seriously saying that you've never thought of us together? Never.
Don't be afraid.
Get out.
No! What? Oh! Hold me! Why must love be so cruel? I'm going to call Security.
You're not on the same page? No? Oh well.
Can't be helped.
I'll never forget you.
How you feeling, sir? Hmm? Yeah Aw.
Just needed some rest.
There's a boy Uh, there's no one there, sir.
But I saw him.
I saw him.
Will you stop pulling his hair? Thank you.
I don't understand.
How can you not understand, Arthur? I've explained it to you five times.
Sir! He's doing it again! Oliver, stop copying Sadie! Right, if a man runs at eight miles an hour for one hour, how far has he gone? Ipswich? What? Colchester! No.
It's a hypothetical journey.
Oh, I see! Do you? No.
Sorry.
Is it Sudbury? Marcus? Marcus? Marcus Hey.
How's it going? Marcus?! Marcus? Marcus? I wasn't.
.
I didn't Marcus? Marcus? Argh! I'm scared, Tim! What are you doing? I'm ready to tell you my secret now.
Well, I would love to stay and chat but I've I see little people.
What? I saw a boy.
Really Really? I think he's the devil.
Yeah, I've I've heard that before.
Did you see where he went? That way.
Don't leave me! But No, no, no! Stay with me.
Sir! Stay with me.
Just until I fall asleep.
OK.
Are you sure about this? It doesn't feel right.
It's in the book.
Let me see? I couldn't see.
Is that because you don't want to see it? No.
Followed by a denial.
Interesting.
It says here that a couple can only truly test the integrity of their relationship, by experiencing the pain of separation By you and I humping like drug-crazed love gods.
It says that? I'm paraphrasing.
But it's just acting? Absolutely! Just acting.
Just very intense method acting.
Poor Philip.
Trust the process, Judith.
But we don't need that putting us off, do we?! Marcus.
Got you! Freeze! Funny story, actually Well done.
You're the one who wandered off.
So, where the hell are we? I don't know.
I've never been in this part of the building before.
So what have we got here? OK, I can explain.
Quiet! What's your name? Marcus.
How old are you, Marcus? I'm ten and a half.
Ah! So you do speak Russian? Of course I speak Russian.
Because you're a Russian spy.
Because I'm a member of the global community and I will not be saying another word without my lawyer present.
He's feisty for a ten-year-old.
I'm ten and a half.
I really think I can explain.
Could I just have a quick word in private? Listen, I am one of you guys.
My sexual orientation has got nothing to do with this.
What? No.
I mean, I'm an MI5 agent.
Look, I have ID.
Well, at least you're not one of those MI6 losers! MI6 arses! Yeah I'm MI6.
Right.
Did the Kremlin really think they could infiltrate the Security Services with a boy and this pathetic fake ID? Um, it's not fake.
Look, contact my boss.
He'll confirm my identity.
OK, what's his name? The Examiner.
His real name? I've no idea.
What a surprise.
Call him.
Call him.
His extension is1515.
Is this The Examiner? No.
Do you know a Tim Elliot? No.
There's a boy here.
Do you know anything about that? No, signor.
I no understand.
OK.
Buenos noches.
What did he say? Make yourself comfortable.
You're going to be here for some time.
How you feeling? Come on! Please stop! Please stop! Please stop! Please Don't hurt me! It's OK.
It's me, Susan.
Susan? It's going to be OK.
Sorry.
Shhh now They're so cruel.
I know.
You stay there.
Quiet! Oh my god! Ah, yes, like that! That feels incredible! You're amazing! I'm crazy about you! The robe better not open again.
I love you! I'm serious.
Kiss me! How long do we have to do this? Kiss me! Arrrrggggh! Oh! Take your, take your stinking paws off her, you damn, dirty ape! Oh, what! Philip! Oh my god, are you OK? That did That did hurt, actually.
Oh my God, I can't believe you did that for me? Seriously.
A lot of pain here.
Oh.
Sorry.
I have to hand it to you, Owen, your methods really do work.
This is the strongest we've ever been.
Terrific.
Where does it hurt? Only my entire body.
Even here? Yes.
Ow! A chicken burger and a Diet Coke.
Do you guys want anything? Robe.
Oh.
Sorry.
You're very quiet.
It's OK to be scared.
Are you scared? All the time.
Mostly of you.
Tim, are you a spy? What?! Why on earth would you say that? Because they're accusing us of espionage? Oh right.
Well I'm sorry to disappoint you Marcus.
No, I am not a spy.
I do data entry.
Why, do you think I? Think I could be a spy? No.
Spies are brave.
Hey! I'm brave.
Whatever Damn! I had a cello lesson at five.
Well, you will make that class.
When I tell you, I want you to close your eyes.
What are you gonna? No! Just do as I say.
Do you understand me? Well, we can't find you on any of our Watch Lists, but that doesn't mean you're not spies.
It's funny, I've never had to soften up a ten-year-old before.
He's ten and a half.
Give me your hand.
Don't open your eyes.
Call me? Thanks again for a wonderful day.
Can we move on please? Come on, don't be modest.
How was your day, Marcus? It was OK.
Boring, I bet? I've had worse.
Is, um, he going to be OK? I've given him a sedative.
He should be OK by morning.
Quiet!
Are you actually qualified? Excuse me, what do you think that is? A diploma in Hotel Management.
From the Turkish Open University.
Good times! Anyway, why should you have custody of the child when your relationship is so clearly unstable? It isn't.
Trust me, this not working.
What are you talking about, we're great together.
Prepared to put it to the test? No.
Yes! Yes.
Terrific! Wait, you've got work today, haven't you? So it'll just be me and Judith, alone.
Ah, damn it! That is so annoying.
It's all right.
I'll get someone to cover for me.
No one's available, I checked.
I mean, what I mean is, have you checked? Well, Chris can stand in for me.
Well, that is marvellous and unexpected news.
Sorry, I still I'm not clear on how role-play can help us? Well, it says here that it allows people to explore unresolved issues of conflict and distrust within the safety of therapy.
I dunno, do you have any "unresolved issues of conflict or distrust"? He won't let me talk to his class.
We're not discussing this again.
You can't keep cutting me out of your life! I need space to grow.
Oh! So a few issues then? Maybe one or two.
I'm just living under a cloud of resentment and constant shame.
You're ashamed of me? Shouldn't be feeling that way, should he? Wait a sec Sadism schizophrenia Ah, here we are - "Shame.
" Let's have a look, shall we? Now, as you can see, the breakdown in the upper left lateral incisor requires urgent composite resin restoration Rubbish.
Did you want to say something, Shamila? That is a clear case of acid erosion.
Excuse me, but the discolouration on the palatal aspect quite clearly supports my diagnosis.
Your diagnosis sucks! How dare you! OK! Let's wrap it up there, shall we? That was great.
Round of applause for Dr Pranesh.
Next up, we have Marcus' dad.
Up you come, Tim.
Get in and get out.
They will eat your soul from the inside.
Watch the master at work.
OK Let me hear you say "yeah"! You're supposed to? You're not feeling that? OK, that's, that's cool.
Coolio.
Em, all right guys, a prize for the first person who can guess what it is I do for a living? Are you a dancer? No.
You a drug dealer? Er, no! Are you a vegetarian? No.
And that's not even a job, so Superman was a vegetarian.
Well, it wasn't his job though was it? Next? Are you unemployed? No.
Obviously not.
So, why don't you know what you do? Um, I do know.
What do you do? You're meant to be guessing.
He is a dancer.
Oh for f! OK! Maybe put us out of our misery, Tim, and tell us quickly what your job is? OK, Fine.
Fine.
OK.
Guys, I actually work for the Civil Service.
Sounds boring.
It's not boring.
Is that like being a waiter? Look, OK.
My job involves security.
Like a security guard? It's nothing like a security guard.
Do you have a torch? I am not a security guard.
Are you a nurse? I'm I just told you I work for the Civil Service! I think he's a drug dealer.
This is ridiculous.
Great! Well, fascinating stuff from Marcus' dad.
Thank you, Tim.
Whatever.
All right so, Marcus, if you want to gather up your stuff, you and your dad can go.
Go? Go where? To your office? That's the point.
You come to school this morning and then they spend the rest of the day with you at work.
No! Ino! I mean, it's That girl before, she didn't have to Forgot my probes.
Are we going or not? Yeah.
Oh OK.
Well, let's start exploring the strength of your relationship with you telling Philip how you feel about him.
OK.
But, uh, I'd like you, Philip, to sit here.
Oh, OK.
There.
This is nice.
Should I start? Please.
Only I would like you to direct your words at me.
Why? Isn't it obvious? No No? Well, I can only assess the strength of your relationship by observing it from the inside.
Is that what is says in the book? Yes.
Probably.
I don't know That's fine.
I completely respect your decision.
I'm sure Judith understands your mistrust and willingness to forfeit custody.
OK, fine.
No, it's fine.
In your own time, please.
But before you start, I have prepared some words for you to read.
You want me to read this? Respect the process.
My darling Philip Does it say "Philip"? No, but Well, just stick to the text.
My darling.
Since I met you, my heart has not stopped pounding.
Good.
How odd.
Go on.
I ache Err, keeping it here.
I ache to feel your strong fingers upon my skin.
Er, sorry Shh! How I long to feel your warm breath upon my lips.
I am ready to give myself to you and consummate our love with this I'm going out to lunch now! Thank you, Barbara! You came to visit me.
Hm? What? Oh yeah.
Sure, sure.
How is it? It hurts.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sorry about the old, er Accidents will happen.
Accidents.
Yeah, sure.
You want a mint? Those aren't mints, sir.
Sort of are.
They're amphetamines.
Taste minty.
OK.
How many have you had? I don't know.
Two, maybe three Packets.
Sir, that is dangerous medication.
Ah "High dosage may induce hallucinations and paranoia.
" I think we should call the nurse.
Relax! Do I seem any different? No.
Or maybe that's what you want me to think? And there it is.
Shhhhhh! Who's your teacher? Mr Quill.
Thank you, Miss Keane, I'll be taking this class.
Are you a teacher? Am I teacher?! Good day to you, madam! Well, I'm next door if you need me I said good day! Right! My name is Mr Pitt-Goddard.
And I am your worst nightmare! You're acting very strangely.
No, I'm not.
Oh, look at that! What? Ah, it's gone.
Hm! Good morning, sir! - Good - Get off! What was that? Tim? Mmm? They're everywhere.
Sta Stay alert.
Mm-hmm.
All right, you take care now! All right.
Come on.
What on earth do you think you're doing? Keep it down.
No, I will not keep it down! How dare you! Don't try and cosy up to me now that you're feeling bad.
What are you doing? Oh, it's you.
Cait You remember, you remember Caitlin? Yes, hello.
Hello, Marcus.
Did you tell him you're MI5? No, of course not! If anyone sees him here, you'll get fired! Oh, really? Thank you! I didn't have any choice.
So, this is where you work? Yes.
Well, sort of.
Tim actually works upstairs.
No, on the Yes, I do.
On the sixth maybe? In fact, you should probably get up there now! Well, I must say argh! Put me down this instant! Hello.
Don't suppose you heard a child's voice? A child? Mmm! Here? Mmm! No.
No? Good.
Good.
What a miserable office.
Let's go this way.
Can I help you? Oooh! I think I can find my desk, thank you, Geoff.
Who are you? That is so Geoff! It's Roy.
Why don't you go sit over there and I will get us some drinks? That's the boss' love child.
We're deporting him to the Ukraine this afternoon.
But why are you up here? And who are you? Oh ho ho! I have missed you! How's the wife? Dead.
Right.
Really? I'm sorry.
Do you want any any? No? What do you want? Surprise me.
Do you want a peppermint? Leslie! What are you doing in HR? The usual.
Which is? Guess! No.
No? OK.
Fair point.
Ineed a form.
A form? What are you? Ilove you! What? I love you, Leslie.
I can't deny it any longer.
Your hair.
Your Surprisingly rough skin.
Stop touching me.
Are you seriously saying that you've never thought of us together? Never.
Don't be afraid.
Get out.
No! What? Oh! Hold me! Why must love be so cruel? I'm going to call Security.
You're not on the same page? No? Oh well.
Can't be helped.
I'll never forget you.
How you feeling, sir? Hmm? Yeah Aw.
Just needed some rest.
There's a boy Uh, there's no one there, sir.
But I saw him.
I saw him.
Will you stop pulling his hair? Thank you.
I don't understand.
How can you not understand, Arthur? I've explained it to you five times.
Sir! He's doing it again! Oliver, stop copying Sadie! Right, if a man runs at eight miles an hour for one hour, how far has he gone? Ipswich? What? Colchester! No.
It's a hypothetical journey.
Oh, I see! Do you? No.
Sorry.
Is it Sudbury? Marcus? Marcus? Marcus Hey.
How's it going? Marcus?! Marcus? Marcus? I wasn't.
.
I didn't Marcus? Marcus? Argh! I'm scared, Tim! What are you doing? I'm ready to tell you my secret now.
Well, I would love to stay and chat but I've I see little people.
What? I saw a boy.
Really Really? I think he's the devil.
Yeah, I've I've heard that before.
Did you see where he went? That way.
Don't leave me! But No, no, no! Stay with me.
Sir! Stay with me.
Just until I fall asleep.
OK.
Are you sure about this? It doesn't feel right.
It's in the book.
Let me see? I couldn't see.
Is that because you don't want to see it? No.
Followed by a denial.
Interesting.
It says here that a couple can only truly test the integrity of their relationship, by experiencing the pain of separation By you and I humping like drug-crazed love gods.
It says that? I'm paraphrasing.
But it's just acting? Absolutely! Just acting.
Just very intense method acting.
Poor Philip.
Trust the process, Judith.
But we don't need that putting us off, do we?! Marcus.
Got you! Freeze! Funny story, actually Well done.
You're the one who wandered off.
So, where the hell are we? I don't know.
I've never been in this part of the building before.
So what have we got here? OK, I can explain.
Quiet! What's your name? Marcus.
How old are you, Marcus? I'm ten and a half.
Ah! So you do speak Russian? Of course I speak Russian.
Because you're a Russian spy.
Because I'm a member of the global community and I will not be saying another word without my lawyer present.
He's feisty for a ten-year-old.
I'm ten and a half.
I really think I can explain.
Could I just have a quick word in private? Listen, I am one of you guys.
My sexual orientation has got nothing to do with this.
What? No.
I mean, I'm an MI5 agent.
Look, I have ID.
Well, at least you're not one of those MI6 losers! MI6 arses! Yeah I'm MI6.
Right.
Did the Kremlin really think they could infiltrate the Security Services with a boy and this pathetic fake ID? Um, it's not fake.
Look, contact my boss.
He'll confirm my identity.
OK, what's his name? The Examiner.
His real name? I've no idea.
What a surprise.
Call him.
Call him.
His extension is1515.
Is this The Examiner? No.
Do you know a Tim Elliot? No.
There's a boy here.
Do you know anything about that? No, signor.
I no understand.
OK.
Buenos noches.
What did he say? Make yourself comfortable.
You're going to be here for some time.
How you feeling? Come on! Please stop! Please stop! Please stop! Please Don't hurt me! It's OK.
It's me, Susan.
Susan? It's going to be OK.
Sorry.
Shhh now They're so cruel.
I know.
You stay there.
Quiet! Oh my god! Ah, yes, like that! That feels incredible! You're amazing! I'm crazy about you! The robe better not open again.
I love you! I'm serious.
Kiss me! How long do we have to do this? Kiss me! Arrrrggggh! Oh! Take your, take your stinking paws off her, you damn, dirty ape! Oh, what! Philip! Oh my god, are you OK? That did That did hurt, actually.
Oh my God, I can't believe you did that for me? Seriously.
A lot of pain here.
Oh.
Sorry.
I have to hand it to you, Owen, your methods really do work.
This is the strongest we've ever been.
Terrific.
Where does it hurt? Only my entire body.
Even here? Yes.
Ow! A chicken burger and a Diet Coke.
Do you guys want anything? Robe.
Oh.
Sorry.
You're very quiet.
It's OK to be scared.
Are you scared? All the time.
Mostly of you.
Tim, are you a spy? What?! Why on earth would you say that? Because they're accusing us of espionage? Oh right.
Well I'm sorry to disappoint you Marcus.
No, I am not a spy.
I do data entry.
Why, do you think I? Think I could be a spy? No.
Spies are brave.
Hey! I'm brave.
Whatever Damn! I had a cello lesson at five.
Well, you will make that class.
When I tell you, I want you to close your eyes.
What are you gonna? No! Just do as I say.
Do you understand me? Well, we can't find you on any of our Watch Lists, but that doesn't mean you're not spies.
It's funny, I've never had to soften up a ten-year-old before.
He's ten and a half.
Give me your hand.
Don't open your eyes.
Call me? Thanks again for a wonderful day.
Can we move on please? Come on, don't be modest.
How was your day, Marcus? It was OK.
Boring, I bet? I've had worse.
Is, um, he going to be OK? I've given him a sedative.
He should be OK by morning.
Quiet!