Still the King (2016) s02e03 Episode Script

1 VERNON: Previously on "Still the King" I just wanna get back to the real me, my music.
- Charlotte.
- Val, how'd you been? If you're asking if I've recovered from you breaking up my band, the answer is no.
What do you say we hit the bar down the street, get a couple drinks? Another time maybe.
My-tre-ita.
An upside down pineapple is a sign of a swinger.
Yes, I'm the champion of boats! You took your hand off.
No, I'm the winner! PMS: paranormal men's society.
- We're kicking you out, Walt.
- Why? You're making us all look crazy.
[changing radio stations.]
[brakes squeal.]
[explosion.]
Extremely bright light tracked to southwest over whoa! Object appears to be hovering over the wheat field.
Crop circle.
Approximately 25 by 25.
Shape is circular.
Possible [unintelligible.]
sequences.
Wind velocity to zero to three miles per hour.
Temperature is cold, frigid.
- [grass stirs.]
- [gasps.]
[unintelligible.]
figure, temperament unknown.
Approximately five feet tall.
Hey! Hey! Oh.
Hey! Damn it! I've had a close encounter.
What's this? [rooster crows.]
Did you get 'em? Wait for it.
Wait for it.
RONNIE AND VERN: [cheering.]
This is so stupid.
Stupid? You know the hours we put in to become skilled whips men? We? Ronnie, you couldn't even whip the side of a barn? Oooh.
Ooh.
Oooh, challenge accepted.
- [whip snaps.]
- [crash.]
[laughing.]
What now? Hey, hey, what's going on? She made me do it.
I merely suggested, okay Big difference.
I told him it was a bad idea from the start.
Then why are you doing it too? Wasn't gonna let son of a bitch out-whip me.
- [whip snaps.]
- [screams.]
Guys, guys, maybe it's time you two started thinking about getting back to work.
I got lots of song ideas floating around the cabeza, hey.
Hey, I could relaunch "Onboard with Ronnie.
" Ronnie, I'm talking about a real job that pays real money.
Real job? You know, I don't like cling startch, but my God, this is getting ridiculous.
Which is why both of you potential fathers need to start contributing to the household.
If that's what it takes to prove my devotion, - I'll do it.
- You know, Ronnie, with your whip fishing skills, you can maybe go pro.
Oh, you think? Charlotte, it might help if you didn't egg him on.
Guess we'll never know.
[phone beeps.]
Anyway, I hit that thing pretty damn square.
[laughs.]
You hit it solid, too, man.
[phone beeps.]
Damn it.
- What's wrong? - Hold on, I gotta call Mabel.
I feel like I've broken that lamp before.
Still haven't heard that guitar strum.
I know, you're right about that.
I'm getting ready to.
It's just, uh I've been working on trying to be a better man.
I'm trying to do the right thing by you.
Why don't you play here, dumbass? Don't you think that's a little beneath me? Vern, it's important you just gotta get back out there.
Hey, Kaitlynn, you wanna give a former platinum-selling artist - a gig here? - No, thank you.
Let me talk to her.
[sighs.]
- My boy, my boy.
- Say, Big E.
The good book says, "If any man provide not for those of his own house, he has to night own faith.
" The woman-th say-th she doesn't want me "to have-th thy gig.
" When have you ever taken no for answer, son? By the way You need to cut back on your day drinking.
Hey, Kait.
Hang on a second.
What if me and my band could pack this place out one night a week, and we split the door? Probably get some folks in here.
He used to be pretty good.
Fine.
I'll give you Tuesdays.
Perfect.
What's today? Tuesday.
Is that a problem? No, I don't have no problem.
Thanks for vouching for me.
I owe you.
No, you don't owe me.
About this band.
What about it? Technically, I don't have one.
[whispers.]
Vernon.
Hey, Big Mike! Vernon Brown here.
Get the band together tonight for a gig here in Nashville.
Of course you were the first guy I called.
- Thought maybe - [dial tone sounds.]
Hello? Hello? Yo, Travis, how 'bout you, big dog? Do what? Uh, I'm pretty sure that's anatomically impossible.
Hey, Pete, Vernon Brown here.
I did not! Riggs, you four-fingered son of a bitch, how you been? Oh, sorry to hear that.
She was a great lady.
Yep, well, listen, enough small talk, hey, we're getting the band back together tonight for a gig in Nashville.
And of course you were the first one I called.
You're in? Alright, great! Yeah, eight o'clock.
We'll be here.
Alright.
- ALL: [cheering.]
- Good ol' Riggs, man.
One down and three to go.
Then she says she wants me to start paying rent.
I mean, we've been living together for like six years.
Certainly that makes me a common law owner or something.
All I asked is if you had any mailroom experience.
What is up with this tiny couch? [groans.]
Cramp in my hammies.
Okay, well, um, thanks for coming in, Ronnie.
I guess we'll call you if you, um Well, well, well, who do we have here? Sorry, Mr.
Fischer.
Um, Ronnie here came in about the mailroom position, but he's not a good fit.
Well, he looks pretty fit to me.
[laughs.]
Have you had any experience handling mail, Ronnie? Either spelling.
Yeah, I've been handling mail my whole life.
Gotten some mail, opened most of it, sent some of it back.
Of course you have.
You know, Ronnie, I can see myself in you.
- Oh, sir - Sssh.
Welcome to Coy Stable, Ronnie.
Saddle 'em up! Hee-ay! I got a job? Is this it? Come on.
- [knocking at door.]
- [siren wailing.]
You cops? No.
Damn.
Someone stole my roller blades of my van, so Whatever.
Come in.
Should we go? No, we gotta go.
- We gotta go.
- No, come on in.
Alright, welcome to the Palace De Mark.
We got Che-Che over here chilling with that snake.
Say hello.
We got Tugboat hanging out on the couch next to Old-Ass Helen.
- What's up? - [monkey screeching.]
Okay, if you're here about those ferrets, sorry about that, but they're already spoken for.
No thanks.
Is that a monkey? What? A monk [monkey screeching.]
Dang, you might be right.
Tugboat, you been lying to me? Tugboat, you know you shouldn't knock that down.
- Tugboat.
- [monkey screeching.]
Sorry about that.
- Is that your grandmother? - Grandmother? No, Helen's a client, yo.
I run a hospice on the side.
What's up? Sorry, adult daycare.
[laughs.]
Hey, your parents, grandparents, whatever.
We need IDs.
Alright, okay, come this way.
We're talking about green cards, passports, Latin American extended stay visas? Um, no, no, none of that.
Uh, we just need normal IDs that say we're 21 within the next two hours.
Got it.
And you're willing to do whatever it takes to get these IDs, huh? We have 20 bucks.
That'll do.
Yeah, okay, 20 bucks.
Alright, let me see what we got here.
We got Ohio, no thanks.
Georgia.
Hawaii.
No, too exotic.
You look like Montana.
Here we go.
Okay.
Uh, there's nothing on this.
Yeah, I put in Photoshop.
[laughs.]
Couldn't you just add the photo in Photoshop? Add the photo in Photosh Oh, wow! Yes! Yes, I can do that! I can definitely do that.
You get a discount.
That's a timesaver.
What's up? Alright, smile.
Not like real smile.
Smile like you hate your job.
There you go.
Alright, now keep your eye out for a goofy looking fella about yeah tall, probably dressed kinda weird.
Oh, that's gotta be him.
Hey, Charlotte's dad.
Oh my God, man, I ain't seen pants that tight since Aunt Dolly ripped the ass-end out of her drawers stepping up to get on the holy roller at the county fair.
What can I do? I'm a slave to fashion.
Anyway, listen, I'm in need of a keyboard player.
And Charlotte said you may know one.
I'm in.
I'm totally in.
Well, the gig's tonight.
Okay, okay.
Um, hey, Chet, I'm going to need to tender my resignation effective immediately.
And I hope this doesn't affect our friendship.
Are you sure about this, man? Hey, hold on, Haus, it's just a one-off gig, kind of a trial run, so don't push your Oh, okay.
Hey, Chet, listen.
About that resignation, um, I'm going to need to rescind that and maybe get you to cover my shift tonight instead? Dude, you're the manager.
You can do whatever the hell you want.
[laughing.]
I'll get my stuff.
[bell rings.]
VERN: Okay, I guess we'll see you later then, Walt.
Anyway, man, we got about two hours - to get this band together, okay? - Okay.
I got you on the keys.
Got the finest guitar player in all of Tennessee.
Awesome.
All I need to do is find my old drummer Mo Moony.
- Mo Moony? - Mo Moony.
It ain't gonna be easy to find him either.
Last I heard, he was dating this little gal Found him! Let's ride! Are you [bleep.]
me? [church bell tolls.]
So what do you think? Real nice work, Mo.
Yeah, my headstone carving business has really taken off.
But I'm happy to gig with you guys nights and weekends.
Sounds like we're in business.
Now all we need's a bass player.
You happen to know where Rick is? He was always a standup guy.
Rick? Yeah.
Rick's dead.
Well, got a real nice tombstone.
I got a bass player we can use.
Follow me.
Come on, guys.
She'll do.
You don't wanna hear her play? - [guitar tunes.]
- Unnecessary.
- We're good.
- Yeah.
[phone ringing.]
Welcome to Universal Security.
What can I help you with? Deposit? Nice try.
Like I'd put my money in a corrupt banking system founded in secret by politicians and Wall Street thieves to perpetuate their self-serving interests.
You mean the Federal Reserve? Exactly.
Neither federal nor a reserve.
Well, is there something else I can help you with? Yeah.
What can you tell me about this? LEIA: Where did you get that? - This is yours? - Yeah.
Was that you last night? Why did you run? Why were you wearing a welding mask? Because of the protective qualities of variable density polarized glass.
Oh, of course.
Crop circles are known to emit high levels of BOTH: electromagnetic radiation.
Exactly.
Maybe you and I should get coffee and talk.
I'd like that.
So I found your equations intriguing, so I filled 'em in for you, because you had left before finishing your measurements here.
Thanks.
This is the eighth crop circle to appear in the area in the last three years.
I'm fairly new to crop circles.
I'm trying to figure out the pattern.
Well, listen, I really wanna finish this conversation.
But my break's almost over.
Yeah.
Uh, well, uh later tonight, if you're free, some of my friends are playing at Betty's.
It should be interesting.
That sounds fun.
I'll try and make it.
[clears throat.]
Leia, you're not supposed to leave your window without flipping your closed sign.
Can you just flip it, Terry? I'm trying to have a conversation here.
Protocol states that you flip your own sign when you leave your window.
Uh.
Sure.
A little reading material.
You could probably get back on that deal.
Well, well, well, look who it is.
Vance, what a surprise.
Vance.
Morning, Coy.
- Ronnie.
- Good morning, Coy.
- [bell rings.]
- How dare you call that titan of industry by his Christian name? Coy? He hired me.
He says I show great promise and have a strong torso.
Look, why don't you do what you were hired to do and clean up after me.
Whoops.
- Is that a - Oh God! Shut up! Look at what you made me do, you moron.
I'll be at the genuis club.
Somebody watch my phone! MAN: Pick up that phone! VANCE: Does anybody have a bag of rice? - MAN: Hey, get that.
- [phone ringing.]
[grunting.]
Yello? Yes, I can help you with your investments.
Yes.
Yes, we take checks.
You think he'll make it? Oh, he'll be here.
We got a history together.
Remember that night in Arkansas with Riggs, Mo? Yeah.
The night you slept with his girl and wrecked his car? I still can't believe he ever forgave me.
I'm just spit-balling, Vern, but do you think maybe him not showing up is his way of getting back at you? That would explain these cryptic text messages.
"Payback is a bitch.
" Then you wrote, "Sure is.
See you soon.
" Dios mio.
So much for a guitar player.
What do we do know? The changes of us finding a decent guitar player in the next ten minutes that I haven't screwed over in some form, shape, or fashion, it just ain't gonna happen.
Walt, could you hold it down over there? I'm trying to think.
What? Boss, you wanted to see me? Hey, come in and lock the door.
I'm joking, of course.
There's no lock on the door.
- It swings both ways.
- Oh.
- Sit down.
- Cool.
So the scuttlebutt is that you answered a phone call today, and you landed a big fish.
Uh, yeah, that, um I was kinda caught off guard with that, so I kinda promised that guy that if he invested one of our funds that we could double his money in three months.
I figured we could take the money from other investors to pay him, and then he'll tell his friends, and then they'll invest.
Then no one will really know where the money comes from.
- Mm.
- Is that bad? Normally, I'd say yes.
But Coy loves a man with initiative.
You know, Ronnie, with my help, you might just have what it takes to make it in this business.
Wanna make it with me, Ronnie? What's it pay? Oh yeah! Come on! Bellbottoms were really cool Cutting class and skipping school I remember packing that ol' fishing pole Skinny-dipping at a swimming hole Back lights, red lights and strobe lights too Were all the rage for me and you Only one thing I miss more than that I want my mullet back I want my mullet back My old Camaro, and my eight-track Fuzzy dice hanging loose and proud ZZ Top, they're playing loud A simple time, that's what I miss Your miniskirt and your sweet kiss Things are changing, man, and that's a fact I want my mullet back [crowd cheering.]
- That was fun.
- That was fun.
Two hundred bucks.
Thank you very much.
Not bad, not bad.
Then half of the bar.
Thirty bucks for wait-staff and kitchen, leaves a total of 70 bucks.
Minus that $65 bar tab you rung up.
Leaves a total of five bucks.
Alright! Look at that! Vernon Brown getting paid! I told you'd be back on top.
Told you.
Gracias.
Wow, thanks.
Federal coupon.
Thatta boy, good job.
A working man.
Slightly above rock bottom, I guess.
- Hey, Leia.
- Hey.
- Reggie.
- Great show.
Thanks.
I didn't know you knew each other.
Yeah, this is my girl.
We do things together.
- In private.
- I get it.
I don't take my hat off, though.
- I don't like to do that.
- WALT: Okay.
I guess that means you're in PMS? Yes, someone insists that it's the paranormal men's society.
Babe, we've gone over this.
It's in the charter.
It's out of my hands, okay? It's a men's society.
I, actually, have a group of my own.
And we are currently accepting members of all genders called Ultra Terrestrial Investigations.
UTI? You can't invite my girlfriend to join your dumb group.
Well, he just did.
You just let me know when the next meeting is, Walt.
I will.
Probably pretty soon.
You watch yourself, 'cause I'm watching you.
So you're gonna like be looking at me while I'm looking in the mirror? That hurts my head.
I gotta I can't right now.
I'm proud of you, Vern.
That one's on me.
What's that look for? Just played a great show with my new band.
You just gave me a free beer, and you're proud of me.
Who's rich now? I have to say, you surprised me today.
What? With my ripping guitar solos? [laughs.]
Those were good.
But I meant with your determination.
You know, you really came through today.
I think you found your start.
The beer's free, but you still gotta tip.