Taskmaster (2015) s02e03 Episode Script

1
Hello, I'm Greg Davies
and this is Taskmaster.
Today our five competitors will pass
the halfway point of the series.
It's still anyone's game, but today's
points could really make a difference.
Who will be triumphantly holding
this ruggedly handsome trophy
high and mighty at the
end of the series?
Only time will tell.
Let's meet our rivals now. They are
Doc Brown.
Joe Wilkinson.
Jon Richardson.
Katherine Ryan.
And Richard Osman.
To my left, as always,
is Alex Horne.
Why are you here, Alex?
Eye-candy and admin.
It's sort of, um
I'm sort of the Richard
Osman of the show.
But we also have a Richard
Osman on the show,
so it's probably too much
Richard Osman in the show.
It feels Richard Osman-heavy.
- Yep.
- But that's what I do.
What are they playing for tonight?
Well, I'm so glad you asked that.
Tonight we've asked them to bring
in their best dinner party guest.
OK? So, whoever brings in
the best guest at a dinner party
will win the first points of the show,
and the winner of the show will
win a dinner with those guests.
- What a lovely idea.
- Thank you.
I love dinner and I hate
boring people.
Joe, let's start with you.
Er, I've brought along Henry, who is
Britain's sixth strongest man.
And how do you know Henry?
Uh, work out at the same place.
Unlikely mates. Doc, who
did you bring in?
A DJ and music producer
extraordinaire.
- Oh, yeah?
- The Last Skeptik.
- That's his name?
- That's his name.
- The Last Skeptik?
- His first name's "The".
The Last Skeptik.
I was gonna bring in
The Penultimate Skeptik.
You shouldn't judge people
by their appearances, but
I would've said he
was DJ Car Thief.
Um, Richard, who have you brought?
My guest is this lovely
Great Dane, Fraser.
Who's just the most wonderful
dog you'll ever meet
and walks in the park
near me, and is just
Lovely.
I think he'd get on with
The Last Skeptik.
So long as The Last Skeptik
has poo bags in his pocket,
which I suspect he does.
It was a toss of the coin for me
between The Last Skeptik and my mum.
And now I'm so glad,
because you lot just
would've cussed my mum
for, like, ten minutes.
I would never have
cussed your mum,
unless she looked like
a common criminal.
You would've cussed my
mum for ten minutes.
Erm, Jon?
Well, I think you want someone
who's got good stories to tell.
Someone who's funny,
someone who likes food,
but not, you know, to the
point where he's gonna eat
48 chicken breasts and 12 eggs
while you're having dinner.
You want someone who likes
a drink but isn't an alcoholic.
You want someone you look up to.
My guest for the dinner party is
that guy.
- Aww!
- Come on.
You charmer. I would've bet my life
that was gonna be a picture of you.
Katherine, who are you
bringing to the dinner party?
The most important thing is family.
I haven't seen my baby
sister in a long time.
She's like a better version
of me that everyone likes.
She can do the splits.
She is a bartender.
I have flown my sister
Kerrie in from Canada.
Whoa.
Aww.
She's so cool. She's been
to the Playboy Mansion.
She has tons of stories.
No filter. You'd love her.
Great. Well, I'm looking forward
to having dinner with her.
Excuse me.
That happens whenever anyone
says "Playboy Mansion".
- Do you wanna rate them?
- Yeah.
Who's your favourite dinner
party guest there?
I haven't decided whether
I'm going to the party yet,
so that's going last.
Sixth strongest man in Britain.
- I wanna meet that guy.
- Yeah.
Because we can talk
about our six-packs.
I'm gonna put him number one.
And I'm gonna put your
sister, because
I've taken your word for it
that she can do the splits.
I'm gonna put the DJ at number three
'cause I think I've been very rude
about a man I've never met.
And I'm putting the dog
at number four
although I love dogs,
that's my final ruling.
- You're in last?
- I'm in last, yeah.
You're the worst person? No, fine.
Well, I haven't decided
whether I'm attending,
so I can't put myself
higher on the list.
If I am attending, I'm gonna be
fucking awesome at that party.
OK, fine. So, the winner
was Joe Wilkinson.
- That's right.
- Unbelievable.
Well done, Joe!
OK, let's get the first
proper task under way.
Alex, what's next?
It's more who's next. Have a look.
Alright.
- Hiya.
- Hi.
- Hello there.
- Hello.
Are you the the mayor?
I am.
Like, for real, the mayor?
- For real, the mayor.
- The real, real mayor.
Hi, good to meet you.
And you. Nice to see you again.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
You're very young for a mayor.
Yes. Yes, I am.
What's "C-L-L-R"?
- "Councillor".
- Councillor!
I'm Richard. How are you?
- Hi, Richard. Peter.
- Very nice to meet you, Peter.
Nice to meet you too.
Absolute pleasure.
You're the mayor?
- I am indeed.
- Oh, goodness me.
You look splendid.
How's, um How's your
day been? Alright?
Not bad at all.
How's your day been?
Shit.
It's an honour, I guess.
I haven't met a mayor before,
of anywhere, so
"Impress this mayor. You have
a maximum of 20 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
"You have a
maximum of 20 minutes."
You easily impressed, Peter?
- No.
- No.
Oh, God.
I've gotta get out of here.
Before we get stuck into
the task. Interesting
The two ends of the line.
Very different approaches
to authority.
Doc, "I'm honoured, I guess."
Whereas Richard Osman,
surprisingly obsequious.
- It's good to be polite, right?
- No, it was really sweet.
If you check it, Greg, it matches
the title, doesn't it?
"I'm honored I guess."
"The Mayor of Chesham."
D'you know what I'm saying?
Can we see how some people did?
- Here is Joe and Doc.
- I guess.
You really the mayor?
I am absolutely 100% the mayor, yeah.
Huh.
OK, Peter.
- Alright.
- OK.
I'll think of something.
That's quite tough.
I've never had to impress
a mayor before.
I know I'd go
from rags to rich-e-e-s ♪
If you would only say
you c-a-a-re ♪
And though my pocket may
be empt-y-y-y ♪
I'd be a million-a-a-a-ire ♪
I loved that.
Um, I got you, uh
I got you something.
Forty-two forty-two Calippos.
Lovely.
Eight cans of strong lager.
Fantastic. Is there any significance
to the 42 Calippos?
It's all they had.
It's all they had?
So, come on, Peter.
Open your arms and I'll
open the door ♪
Tell me you're mine ever
m-o-o-o-re ♪
Cheers.
Calippo?
Yeah, why not.
My fate is up to you-u-u-u ♪
Cheers.
- Thank you very much.
- Well done. Thank you very much.
Till next time.
Have you got anything else
on the impressive scale
apart from Calippos and beer?
Fifteen quid.
That's all I've got left.
Bribing a politician, eh?
Yeah. It's always worked, innit?
Good health.
Very interesting for a
very good rapper to
choose to I'm gonna
say "molest" a song.
The barnet said "show tunes"
to me, you know?
- The mayor's hair said "show tunes"?
- Yeah, his hair said "show tunes".
I didn't think he'd appreciate a rap.
His hair said "Calippos" to me.
Who shall we see next?
Katherine and Richard?
Yeah, we'll go the other end of
the line. Katherine and Richard.
Uh, so, impress you
I'll tell you what. Why don't
I write you a little poem?
About Chesham?
- Hello, your honour.
- Welcome back.
Alright, so I took some time to think
about what might impress you.
- And this is a cup of tea.
- Oh, thank you very much.
You're very welcome. 'Cause I know the
language of this country of yours.
That you preside over.
I know that you do marketing
for education.
Yep.
So, you love kids, and I thought
In my school, we used to have to sing
"O Canada" in the morning.
OK.
So, I thought, whatever your
kids do in schools,
let's bin that, and instead,
they could have
sort of an anthem to you.
Fine.
Yeah, so I'd like to pitch
that to you now.
Great!
Listen up, kids. We're
gonna bin the Lord's Prayer ♪
Big ups to the big guy, that's
Chesham's town mayor ♪
That's Peter Hudson ♪
You know that you can
trust him, yeah ♪
Is he sexy? Affirmative ♪
Brown hair, brown eyes,
Conservative ♪
A volunteer, but that's not all ♪
Three kids but just one came
from his balls ♪
That's Peter Hudson ♪
You know that you can
trust him, yeah ♪
Recreation and the arts ♪
Food and darts ♪
Organises Dial-a-Ride ♪
A politician with nothing to hide ♪
That's Peter Hudson ♪
You know that you can
trust him, yeah ♪
Well done.
- Thank you.
- You've been on Google.
That's Peter Hudson ♪
Everybody!
You know that you can
trust him, yeah ♪
And I put on some hip-hop
trousers as well.
Didn't go unnoticed.
That's Peter Hudson ♪
One fine day, to Chesham fair,
I ventured forth to meet the mayor.
Strong of jaw and fine of feature,
the King of Chesham,
my new friend Peter.
Peter's on our list of crushes,
in this town of boots
and town of brushes.
Foes, he has many, but
he'll just kick 'em
from Aylesbury, Chartridge
and High Wycombe.
Of Amersham, we don't
give two fucks.
Chesham, third biggest
town in Bucks.
- Sir.
- Well done!
OK, let's clear this up very quickly.
Peter does not preside
over the whole country,
- just an area of it.
- I wish he did.
After that anthem, he should do.
Yeah, I've spent 30 years
learning to twerk like that.
The twerking was amazing, and I'm
sure I speak for the whole room
when I say, "Jugglers? We don't
give a fuck about you."
There's a stat here. Over
30% of people can juggle,
but over 75% of people
hate juggling.
So that includes 5% of the
people who can juggle.
So, we need to see how impressive
Jon Richardson can be,
and then hear judgment
from the major himself.
All to come in part two. See you then.
Welcome back to Taskmaster, where
four professional comedians
and fact-finder Richard Osman
are playing for the
ultimate dining experience.
Alex, what's going down?
Well, they've been trying to
impress the mayor of Chesham.
Peter Hudson. Obviously.
And so far, they've
bought him alcohol,
and rapped and sang at him.
And we've just got Jon to see.
Do you want to see him now?
No, I'll just come last.
No, I really wanna see this.
I feel physically sick.
I'm not going to watch.
So, I'm going to for
the duration of this.
- Aw, it's OK.
- Are you gonna do this?
We're gonna show it, I'm afraid.
OK, I'll see you.
Are you hungry?
I've just eaten.
Erm, are you into sport?
- No.
- No?
No, no. Built for pleasure,
not for speed.
Are you into, sort of,
circus skills?
Not something I've spent a lot of
time thinking about, to be fair.
What do you-- What do you--
Oh, God. I just can't think.
Do you want to see a
video of a whale?
A video of a whale?
Yeah, I saw a whale in America.
What do you think of that?
What do you think that is?
Uh, I dread to think.
Is that a sandwich?
It's a pistachio éclair.
A pistachio? That is actually
quite impressive.
YEAH! Yeah!
I do like pistachios.
Quite impressed by a pistachio éclair.
Did you make the pistachio éclair?
No, but I bought it.
Oh, so it's less impressive.
You have already registered
"quite impressed".
I I sometimes can make
a noise of a dolphin.
Oh, that's that's not it.
No, that's not it. It's gone now.
Since I hit puberty.
I'm gonna end up singing
you a song, aren't I, Peter?
- That's where it's going to end up.
- I've got a minute to go.
I'm gonna end up screaming
a song into your face.
I just do not want to sing you a song.
I just feel like if I sing
and dance in here
Yep.
I have to live with myself.
And my wife has to live with me.
That is true.
And that is in jeopardy if I sing.
Er
If I Google "impressive things"?
Holy shit.
This hasn't gone how I hoped,
Peter. I'm not gonna lie to you.
D-e-e-e-sperado ♪
Why don't you come to
your senses? ♪
You've been out ridin' fences ♪
For so long now ♪
And you're a hard one ♪
I know that you've got
your reasons ♪
These things that are
pl-e-e-asin' you ♪
Can hurt you sometimes ♪
Still less impressed than the
fucking photo of an éclair.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
OK. Oh, God.
Interesting, innit?
Because you could argue
that Jon's got a much
better voice than Doc.
Definitely. There's no
question about that.
And yet it was far
more embarrassing.
When you are an entertainer
for a living
and the task is "impress someone"
and that's what you end up doing
You have to ask some serious
questions about--
I mean, I charge people
to come and see me.
I can't do that now.
Do you do the éclair stuff on stage?
Admittedly, of everyone that's been on
he was impressed by one of
the things I showed him.
Yeah, well, we have got some
exact scores from the mayor.
We got him to score it. So, this is
We'll see how impressed the mayor was.
Yeah.
OK. I think, for Jon,
I would rate him at
a five out of ten.
Doc Brown did very well.
I would rate it at
seven out of ten.
On the impressive scale,
I would rate Katherine
eight out of ten.
I would say the most impressive
thing about Joe's attempt
was the 42 ice lollies and
eight cans of strong lager.
I think I would rate that
as a seven for impressiveness.
For Richmond Osmond, I would award
eight out of ten on the
impressiveness scale.
I thought both the poem
and the juggling
combined were particularly impressive.
So, you've got some work to do, Greg.
He couldn't split these
two or these two.
So, first of all, who do you
want to put into fourth?
These two both got seven and
these two both got eight.
Oh, that's really
difficult, isn't it?
'Cause I've really upset the jugglers.
Already.
But I'm gonna have to put Katherine
- ahead of Richard, I'm afraid.
- Yes!
OK, so Katherine's
in first place.
Easy choice between those two.
Who doesn't want 42 Calippos, right?
So, Joe's third.
So it goes Katherine, Richard,
Joe, Doc and then Jon.
Bam! Nailed it.
Who's doing best so far, Alex?
Well, Richmond is in third.
Who? Who's in third?
Richmond Osmond.
Second place, we've got Joe Wilkinson.
Aww!
And in first place, Katherine Ryan!
Great. Another task, then, I think.
OK. This one is a beautiful
arty one, like you asked for.
- Aww.
- OK.
Hello.
- Hi, Katherine.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- I'm well. How are you?
"Make the most unexpected
silhouette on this screen."
"You have 30 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
You use these words,
like "unexpected".
OK. Most unexpected
silhouette on that screen, right?
That's difficult.
I've only ever been able to do that
creepy little, um, you know.
That little guy.
Oh, yeah.
Everybody can do him.
- Yeah, that's nice, but
- Literally everybody.
Move about a bit.
It should be a
punchline. The reveal.
Oh, that's good. That's nice.
Got a good profile, hasn't he, Alex?
You could be on coins,
Alex, I think.
What does "unexpected" mean?
- OK.
- I'm on it.
- Yep.
- Yeah.
That's what unexpected means.
I see.
Yeah, so the idea was that they built
up stuff on one side of the screen,
so the silhouette was
unexpected on the other.
So we need to see the things to think,
"Ooh, I wonder what that's gonna be?"
And then be surprised by it.
That's the idea, yeah.
Do you want to see what Doc used
on the other side of the silhouette?
Yeah, I really do.
OK, so he did this.
So he used a saw, a skull,
a sort of blood spatter
Yeah, I mean, what
I'm expecting is
this to look like he's attacked a deer
and there to be blood on the floor.
So, as long as it's not that
Well, he's entitled it Why?
and this is his silhouette.
OK.
I'm a little less worried.
It was a very nice image.
Was it unexpected? No.
No.
Do you want to see what
Richard used for his silhouette?
- Oh, come on.
- More than anything.
It's more intriguing, I think.
So, he's used a bin lid, a bowl
and a little statuette.
- What do you expect?
- And a post-it note, there.
And a post-it note, yeah.
I genuinely have no idea
what to expect.
Well, that's exciting.
Good start, innit?
OK, well, here is Richard's silhouette.
That's one small step for man
One giant leap for mankind.
OK, Houston, we've had a problem here.
This is Houston, say again, please.
Houston, we've had a problem.
I mean, honestly,
I think that's awesome.
Absolutely brilliant.
It's documentary footage of
what actually happened.
Have a look at what Joe used.
Joe used a sort of more simple technique.
Joe used some cardboard. He dangled
some cardboard using fishing wire,
and then he used his own
breath to animate it.
Well, I don't know what it's gonna be yet.
OK, well, it's this.
That would've been really
inventive if I didn't think
it had been fuelled by many
years of drug abuse.
I can't wait to see what Katherine
and Jon's silhouettes are,
but I have to, because there
are now some adverts.
That's how it works.
See you after that.
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where our five competitors
are competing to have dinner
with The Last Skeptik and me.
Yes, they are.
And right now, they're making
me some silhouettes.
Yes, we've seen some quite
surprising silhouettes.
We've yet to see Jon and Katherine.
I thought we'd see Katherine's
behind-the-screen picture first.
So, these were her raw ingredients.
A lot going on.
It's ambitious, or a breakdown.
I thought we were meant to
use a bunch of crazy stuff.
You did use a bunch of crazy stuff.
- Any ideas what it is, Greg?
- Of course not.
It looks like Karate Kid.
You're not far off.
This is the silhouette.
Show us the baby!
Can we have a look at the image again?
Yes. Yeah.
Was there a scene before
The Lion King was fully edited
where someone holds up
a severed horse head?
It was unexpected.
I mean, she used clothes pegs, food dye,
Marmite, golf balls, hair clips,
coffee, chilli sauce, and she
made the African savanna.
So, I think it's unexpected.
It's unexpected if I recognise
that as the African savanna.
I mean, I recognise that as a
load of shit loosely put together.
Well, there is one more person
who could potentially rescue it.
Mr Jon Richardson.
I can't watch this.
Well, Jon's Jon's was
nearly beautiful.
Let's have a look.
This is what he used.
He used a red balloon,
a mannequin and some Blu Tack.
And he toiled for 15 minutes
and created this
ballet-cum-opera-cum-art.
Here it is.
Oh, no! I lost my balloon!
But I came here
to lose my balloon.
It's the story of a boy's
journey to manhood.
He recognised, you know, he's
enjoying playing with the balloon,
the balloon leaves him,
and then he becomes
fully tumescent.
I think we all know
losing a balloon--
A balloon flying away is the saddest
thing that can happen to anyone.
Of course, it's awful.
And yet I've made that somehow
an erotic thing
which I think is unexpected.
I thought it was really
really beautiful.
So, we've got The Lion King,
The Moon Attack
The Acid House Face,
The Animal Attack,
and The Balloon Tumescent.
It's like one of those really terrible
years at the Oscars, isn't it?
OK, I'm gonna put Doc in
last place. Sorry, Doc.
It was awful, it was awful.
I'm gonna put The
Lion King in fourth place,
because whilst you used a
lot of interesting things,
it didn't look like The Lion King.
Acid House, I really enjoyed it, mate.
- Thank you, that means a lot.
- Really nice.
The Moon Attack was
incredibly accurate
but it could not beat the
beauty of a journey
of a boy to manhood.
Jon Richardson wins.
Alex, what's the next task?
We've got a very quick task,
and this one's just for you.
- I think you'll like this one.
- Oh!
Morning.
Hi. Hi, Doc.
Pigeonhole-- Oh, look at that!
Got my name on it.
OK. Hello.
Oh, yeah.
That's money, isn't it?
Yes.
"Buy a gift for the Taskmaster."
"You have 20 weeks."
Twenty weeks!
Cool. It's doable, innit?
Mm-hm.
So, 20 quid
I'd need to buy him something
that's gonna please him?
Anger him?
No clues?
- Twenty weeks, £20.
- Mm-hm.
I don't-- I can spend more
than this, can I?
Oh, that'd be nice.
Or less.
Whatever you think would
please the Taskmaster.
Right.
Twenty quid gift.
How well do you know
the Taskmaster, Joe?
Greg?
Never heard of him.
We were supposed to socialise
together recently
but he said he was working.
Maybe I'll get him, uh
A diary. So he can plan
his time better
and not let people down
at the last minute.
Can I buy him a range of gifts?
Yes, you can.
Hmm.
Food for thought.
Excellent. Well, I'll clear something up
straight away before we see the gifts.
And that is, I was supposed
to meet Jon recently.
We were gonna go and watch
the darts together in January.
Sadly, I genuinely have
a work commitment.
I wrote to him, profusely apologised.
And he didn't reply, so
I am glad that I'm not hanging around
with passive-aggressive
people like you.
Yeah, you're not coming across as passive
aggressive, mate. Don't you worry.
OK, Richard, talk us
through your gift.
OK, listen. I know you love darts,
and also I thought 20 quid
was probably not
as much as somebody should
be spending on you.
So I made a series of rash bets on
the PDC Premier League Darts.
But they came up, which
is rather handy!
Let's take a look at a couple
of the things here.
- Dave Chisnall came off for me.
- Whoa!
Wright, Lewis and van Gerwen
came off for me at 9/1.
So, I got to £250, and
I gave that in your name
to a lovely charity
called Child's I
who look after abandoned
children in Uganda.
And it has bought them
three months' worth of--
Three months' worth of
looking after children
who've been abandoned on
the streets of Kampala.
And they've got a little message for
you here as well, to say thank you.
Good.
Hello, Taskmaster. I am Harriet,
the foster carer in Uganda
working with the
Child's I Foundation.
Your gift gives Annabelle my
love, care and protection
until we find her a forever family.
Thank you, Taskmaster.
Hard to compete.
I mean, worthy, creative.
A lot of people wouldn't put that
into last place. Who's next?
How about Joe? Let's see
what Joe's brought.
Is it a toaster?
I took a punt
Yeah?
You might be into water-skiing.
- Nice, ain't they?
- Are they antique?
- They're antique, mate, yeah.
- Oh, are they? Ooh.
I'm not, uh-- I can't
guarantee they float.
Twenty quid?
Yeah.
Really nice gift.
- Well done.
- Cheers.
- Jon next?
- Yeah.
So, this is a cookbook.
But it's recipes from films,
so they're fictional things.
But it teaches you how to make, like,
a Big Kahuna Burger from
the Reservoir Dogs film.
Lembas bread from Lord of the Rings.
Butterbeer from Harry Potter.
And that was only £12.99, so
I got you 701 penny sweets.
I don't like the cookbook,
I'll be honest with you.
I just don't like that sort
of novelty bullshit.
But you pulled it back
with the sweets.
Who's next?
Uh, shall we see Doc Brown's gift?
- Yes.
- OK.
I don't wanna talk about it,
I just want you to open it
and see if it means anything
to you, because
I went out on a limb. I don't
know if I'm right or wrong.
It was essentially based on something
you let slip in an interview.
- Mmm.
- Whilst under caution.
It's really great.
It's a game that me and Mark
Andrews and my sister made up
when we were kids, called
Mad Helmet Murderer
which involved my sister,
who was 11 at the time,
wearing this helmet, and then we would
jump out with cricket bats and smash
smash her over the head!
It's a great present.
You've got one more gift left.
- Oh, Katherine!
- One more, from Katherine.
So what's your name?
Greg.
No-o-o
Ye-e-es?
I changed it ♪
I bought you a little
square foot of land
that entitles you to a lordship
and you are now Lord Greg Davies!
YES!
For 20 quid?
Yes, it's like this weird loophole,
because you guys are so weird,
and all, like, OBEs,
they buy that anyway.
It's actually toxic wasteland.
It's just a way of exploiting
your ridiculous system.
Properly.
It's a way of exploiting the ridiculous
system in this country--
Your?
- Your Majesty.
- Lordship.
Your Lordship.
Tough, innit?
So, whose was worst?
I'm putting Richardson
in last place.
Son of a h oly lordship.
Skis next.
Urgh.
Oh, man. It's so tough, 'cause we all
know I should put Richard first.
Can I say, to make it easier for you,
the gift has already been given,
and it's done its good.
I'm very comfortable being in third place.
Yeah, but it makes me look
like a shit, don't it?
They're gonna be so excited
when they find out
their £250 has come from a lord.
Oh, my goodness.
OK. I'm gonna put Osman
in first place.
Oh!
I've got to.
For my public.
But I'm gonna quickly follow
it with Katherine's lordship
because I have got a boner
for being a lord.
And, er, then Doc Brown.
You know, thanks for doing
a bit of research.
Thanks for making me
think you care, Doc.
- You're welcome, my lord.
- The winner is Richard Osman.
- Thank you.
- That's great.
I feel like another task.
This one, Lord Davies, is really good.
- Hi Alex.
- Hello.
If you stay right there.
What fresh hell is this?
Hi!
- How you doing?
- I am well! How are you?
Cool, did you know that
you were gonna see me?
No, I thought that was, like,
strictly against the rules.
Well, well, well
- The plot thickens.
- YES! Hi!
- Hello!
- How are you?
- How are you doing, Joseph?
- Hello, mate.
- Hello there!
- Hey, Jon!
How are you?
I didn't know you were coming.
I didn't know you were coming!
Yay!
So, this is a team task.
You're gonna be working together.
- Hello Alex.
- Look who it is!
- Hello, mate!
- Hello! How are you?
- What?
- Hello there.
What's this all about?
He's from a previous series.
Josh is gonna try to help
you win five points each.
This is like when the
three Doctor Whos met.
You could all win this, OK?
Or you could all lose it.
There's no individual points
here. So, good luck.
Behind me you'll see the
Taskmaster outbuildings.
Ace, two, and three.
- So, I've got three cards.
- Oh, OK.
You're gonna pick one each, OK?
And then go to your outbuilding.
- Good luck, gents.
- Good luck. Have a good one.
Good luck.
What have we got? Box of veg.
Black headbands. Possibly blindfolds.
Oh! Oh, no.
Just seen a blindfold.
Am I reading this to those guys?
Whatever you want, Josh.
Ready?
"Put on this blindfold"
"Then instruct only the person
closest to you to open their task."
Joe!
Hello!
You can open your task!
Thank you!
Richard!
Yes, Josh?
Open your task!
Alright, geez.
"Put the earplugs in your ears
and the ear protectors
over the earplugs."
"Then continue reading."
Josh?
Yeah?
I'm just putting earplugs in my ears,
and then headphones as well.
So I'm not gonna be able to hear
anything from this moment on, OK?
Fuckin' hell.
There's music.
"You must remain within
your bandstand."
"Instruct the next person
to open their task."
Jon, can you open your task?
"Do not read this out loud."
What's it say, Jon?
If you don't understand anything,
you can ask me something.
Oh, I understand perfectly well.
- OK.
- You're a madman.
Just like when the three
Doctor Whos met.
It's not. It's not at all.
Lovely to see Josh Widdicombe back.
A man who knows how to buy a gift.
He has my name tattooed on his foot
from the last series, of course.
- Little friend for Jon.
- Yeah.
Well, we needed to even it up.
So, it's the first team
task of the series,
and obviously one of them can't see,
one of them can't hear,
one of them can't speak.
OK, stop right there.
Let's have a quick break and
conclude things afterwards.
See you soon.
Hello! Welcome back to
the final part of the show,
where one of our contestants
is dangerously close
to winning a ticket to the most
awkward dinner party ever.
But first, we have a task to complete.
Do you wanna see how
Katherine, Doc and Joe coped?
Yes, I do.
OK, and this should make
some sense of the task.
I can't read that!
I can come there?
But my thing says I have to stay!
Text?
D'you have my number?
D'you want my number?
0 7
Shit, what's my number?
"I need a potato in here."
"But I can't talk or leave."
OK. I can't hear, but have
you got a potato?
I've definitely got
parsnips and carrots.
Have you got a potato?
OK, uh Hold on, um
Show me, show me!
Is that a potato?
That looks like an onion!
An onion? Shit.
Alright, hold on.
What are you doing?
I'm rummaging through a--
That's a parsnip! Hold stuff up!
There's no point in telling
you what I'm doing, is there?
I just realised.
How much stuff have you got--
Yes! Right!
Are you allowed to leave
your bandstand?
Well, I've not been told I can't.
Right, walk forward.
Right, turn right!
Oh, no, sorry. Other way, other way!
Turn a bit to your left!
Now walk forward.
Keep going. Keep going.
Turn a little bit to your right.
That's it. Now go forward. That's it.
Keep going! You're going
straight towards her.
There's nothing in the way.
I'm guessing Katherine's
not allowed to speak.
Keep going! She can't
talk, by the way.
- Yeah, OK, I get that.
- She can't talk.
One more yard!
You can't talk. You need a potato.
- Is that it? Is that all we needed to do?
- Yeah!
Oh, awesome.
- Well done!
- Did we do it in time?
Well, it's a race against
the other team.
Oh, shit. Osman's got longer legs.
Finished!
It's interesting to note
that seeing Joe
with woollen hat and headphones on,
shouting loudly in a park,
didn't seem that out of place.
It's now the return of Josh,
with Richard and Jon.
I can't see anything.
I can't see a single thing.
Josh!
Hello.
Jon needs a potato.
Jon needs a potato?
- Yeah.
- OK.
There's no potatoes so far.
I don't think there's a potato.
I've got a potato!
Richard? Richard? Oh, Jon?
You're doing well, Josh.
Can you hear me?
You can walk quickly from there.
You've got a clear run.
Just keep directing me.
Slightly to your left.
That's it. A bit more.
Yeah, that's it.
Keep going. You can go quicker.
Little bit to your right, Josh.
Could I go quicker?
A bit more to your right.
Little bit more to your right!
That's it.
Now you can speed up.
Honestly, there's nothing
in your way here for ages.
That's it. Now straight forward.
You're about two metres
away from Jon.
- Jon?
- Keep going.
That's it, keep going.
- Stop the clock.
- Well done, boys!
- Is that it?
- Well done.
Very sweet seeing one
lovely little boy
give another lovely
little boy a potato.
- Really sweet.
- I re-read that text quite regularly.
Me and Richard text every now and
again about football and things.
And it's funny looking back
over a text exchange like,
"Oh, I hope Fulham win tonight."
And then just a text that says,
"10 a.m. I need a potato."
Well, team one, Doc,
Katherine and Joe
scored five minutes
and 49 seconds.
That doesn't sound good.
I've got a figure in my head of about
five minutes and 20 seconds.
Yeah, 'cause you probably
internally timed it, you freak.
Well, the previous winner of
Taskmaster, and these two,
got 59 seconds and four minutes.
So the winners were Jon
Richardson and Richard Osman.
Congratulations.
It's close. It's exciting.
And now our five competitors
need to head up to the stage
because it's the final
task of the show.
Jon, would you read out
the task, please?
I'll try.
Do you wanna break the seal
and then take it from there?
Holy cow!
"Throw the rabbits into your hat."
"The person with the most rabbits in
their hat after 100 seconds wins."
It's throw the
rabbits into the hat.
The belts must stay
round your wrists.
You get one point per rabbit
in your hat. OK?
Good luck. You've got 100
seconds, starting
Off you go.
Oh!
Oooh.
Fucking rabbit.
Doc Brown has
got all of them in.
No! Argh!
I'm having a lovely time.
- I cannot see the rabbit.
- Jon, Jon. Bend over.
You've got five seconds left, Jon.
And that's your time up.
I mean, please, come and
join me down here
and let's try and make
sense of that madness.
Right, let's cut to it. Who
behatted the most rabbits?
- Well, it was an interesting task.
- Controversial, right?
- When we planned it, you and I
- Yeah?
We didn't think they'd
take their hats off.
We didn't.
No, we thought they'd
do it like Jon did it.
Yeah, in a sporting way.
Yes. Jon kept his hat on,
won the crowd,
but only got four rabbits
into his hat.
Aww.
Richard only got seven in because
someone stole a lot of his rabbits.
Doc and Joe both got 12,
but Katherine Ryan got
15 rabbits in total.
What does that mean for our scores?
- Well, after all that
- Yeah?
It's changed hands, and Katherine
Ryan has taken the lead!
Blimey. Katherine wins.
Well done.
And, it's worthy of note,
a mid-table result.
- Yeah, thanks.
- An unlikely mid-table result for Joe.
And just by the way, Katherine
Ryan has also taken the lead
in the whole series. She is
now the series leader.
Holy moly! Thanks.
Just in time for dinner.
Please go up and collect your prize!
Thank you.
What have we learnt today?
We always sum up with something we've
learnt and we learnt lots of things.
But we only learnt one important
thing today, and that's
I'm a lord.
Let's hear some more clapping for
tonight's winner, Katherine Ryan!
Thank you, everybody.
Good night!