The Almighty Johnsons (2011) s02e03 Episode Script

With Eva, when we make love, I feel, Mike.
It's a cold that burns like being reamed with rusty barbed wire, but it's something, and I think I like it.
It symbolises the unbreakable bond we have, the vow we took to be together until death parts us.
Keys to the bar.
If you can pick them up, they're yours.
Three.
I just won a bar! Is, um, Gaia here? Why would she be here? She moved out to Waiheke to live with you.
Any chance I can move back in? I think Mike is warming to me.
- I don't think he is.
- He invited me to his bar opening.
No, he invited me then I invited you.
So what gods do you think will be there tonight? Don't worry, Gaia will be ages getting ready.
She's a chick.
Still.
Not around the house, OK? - In case she gets a wind of our god vibe? - Is that what we've got? What if this party spins out of control like the last one? She gets wind of it then.
It's a few quiet drinks, Zeb.
Let's get messed up.
What? Nothing.
Nothing.
Is there gonna be free piss at your brother's thing? Uh, s'pose so for a while.
I feel the need to get wasted.
What? Nothing.
Nope.
All good.
Good.
Drink up, then.
Mm.
I'll have a slash, then we'll do some damage.
Is it just me or has Gaia loosened up since she came back? Briedablik.
Which is what? Baldr's hall in Asgard.
No.
Why not? It was legendary as the best party hall of them all.
Because if I name my bar after your hall, it's a license for your to drink here all the time.
So, I haven't really told you how good it is to have you back.
I'm not back in that way, Axl.
I know.
I wasn't saying that.
You haven't really said a lot about what happened with you and Jacob.
Don't talk about him.
You took your time.
Your brother hates me.
Oh, I thought he was warming to you.
I was wrong.
Mikkel.
Colin.
- Did you get that crate of fizz I sent over? - I did.
Thank you.
Then break it out.
Let's wet the bastard head of your new money pit.
Hello, Axl.
How're they hanging? All in the right place, Colin.
I'm loving your work, man.
Oh Jesus, Olaf.
I asked you to look after the bar, not give it all away.
I'm dispensing unto my people.
Not any more.
Now bugger off.
So who's the guy with Gaia? Dunno.
Does it matter? She's just broken up with her boyfriend, and we should be, you know, looking after her.
And I turn my back for two minutes, and you let some stranger hit on her.
Nah, she hit on him.
That's so That's so fantastic.
So how does it feel, Mikkel, having every man's wet dream? Is that what I'm doing? With your own bar, man.
You're the master of your own domain.
It's a job, Colin.
No, to you, it's a calling.
Oh, behold the armies of the night! Up your arse.
Funny, that's exactly what my proctologist said.
Holy crap.
You mind the bar.
Is that wise? Mate, quick word.
It's family business ours, not yours.
Can't it wait? We just got here.
Nah, it can't.
I'm fine.
You don't look fine.
You look like shit.
Oh, sorry, Almighty Odin, if I fail to rise to your standards! No need to be like that.
On a scale of one to 10, how stoned are you right now? Are you judging me, Grandpa? That's rich coming from you.
No, it was an honest question.
I'm currently about a four.
Ty, we're just worried about you, mate.
And I'm telling you don't be.
What the hell is this? It's like a love bite.
You need to come downstairs now.
Oh, shit.
Hel called Sjofn a father-you-know-what-ing whore, so Sjofn smacked her one.
OK, OK, that's enough.
Jesus.
You could help, you know.
What for? Come on, that's enough! You, look after your wife.
Let me go! I'll bury the bitch! No! OK, that is a whole other level of dysfunctional right there.
I like your bar.
- Definitely a points decision to you.
- Thanks, honey.
Have I told you my war stories? Yes, Grandpa, you have.
Then forgive me if I repeat myself.
- If this is the one about the brothel in Cairo - No.
Not that one.
The one about Charlie Truman the bloke who knew he was going to die.
I was in the same unit as a bloke called Charlie Truman, who was convinced he was going to die.
Then at El Ruweisat Ridge, he did.
Stepped on a mine.
Boom, gone.
That's not one of your great stories, is it? Thing was, Charlie had embraced his fate long before fate embraced him.
And he had the same look in his eyes as Ty does now.
Of course I wind up behind the bar, because apparently I live to serve.
But you do it so well.
Same again, please.
No.
I have ID.
Don't care.
Not serving you.
You're drunk.
So are you.
Doesn't matter.
Hey.
Hi, Axl.
Hardly had a chance to talk to you all evening, eh.
Mm, nah.
Uh, you thinking about heading home soon? Cos I'm pretty over all this too.
Oh, um, I'm going to a party.
Oh.
OK.
I'll, uh, see you at home.
Are you gonna be OK? I'll be fine.
Thanks, Axl.
Night.
Come on, then.
Night.
Have a slash and then we're out of here.
May as well.
No reason to stay.
I hear that.
You'll love this.
It's a rush like nothing else.
You ready, baby? Do it.
This is the edge.
You are now walking the line between life and death.
Isn't that fucking intense? Sorry.
Ty, what are you doing to? Shit, you're killing him! Get out! Mike! Leave us! We know what we're doing! You freaky bitch, shut up! Come on, come on, come on.
And don't bother coming back, eh? What about my husband? We need to talk to Ty for a bit.
Prick.
What the fuck were you thinking? They like it touching death.
Eva likes to take them to the edge before we bring them back.
We always bring them back.
Using your power on mortals? Finally it's useful for something.
No, no, you risk all of us.
You use your powers all the time these days.
Why shouldn't I? Do you want a list? Not really.
Makes me tired listening to you sometimes.
Charlie Truman.
Who? It's time for a thing.
I'd very much say so.
What's a thing? You'll see.
I presume she's here.
Hi, Bryn.
Come in.
Where is she? I have no idea.
Well, her things are here.
Doesn't mean she is.
Then where is she? When she came back from Waiheke, she was upset about something.
What did you do to her? I loved her is what I did.
Ewww! Not like that, you cretin.
I cared for her as a father.
Now, where is she? Not here.
Then I shall wait.
I have to go to a thing.
If she turns up here, don't let him take her.
What thing? Just don't let him take her, OK? Will do.
Freki on the job.
Uh, don't know where you are, but if you get this message, your dad is lying in wait for you at the flat.
Um, hope you're OK.
Call me.
Bye.
We're calling a thing.
Oh, you're kidding.
I've got jobs to do.
You're a tradesman.
People expect you to be late.
Fucking I thought we were doing something important.
We're doing the thing.
We're playing mini-golf.
Cos that's what we do while we're doing the thing.
What thing? 'Thing' in the old language means a gathering of the clan.
To play mini-golf? To meet, talk, solve problems.
Mini-golf is something we added over the years.
Guys tend to talk more openly when they're distracted by sports.
Oh, right.
Well, is this thing gonna take long? Cos I've kind of got a thing of my own back at home.
It takes as long as it takes.
Grandpa.
Bullseye! We're concerned.
There's no need.
We beg to differ.
Bulls eye! I chose my path, so it's my path to tread.
What we're saying is should you choose not to tread that path, we will support that decision.
Oh, fuck's sake.
You don't want to go to war with Hel - not on my behalf.
There's four of us - five if you count Anders, so four in a fight.
We can take down one goddess.
I don't need you guys or Mum fighting my fights.
Who brought her into it? I'm fine is what I'm saying.
Will someone putt a fucking ball? OK, even if you are fine, which we all know is bullshit, when you go around freezing people for fun, it affects us all.
Are you scared I'll blow our cover, Mike? I think we're more worried you're going to kill someone, Ty.
Oh, for fuck's sakes, how is this fair if every time he hits the bloody ball in the hole? A thing isn't about the golf, Axl.
It's about us telling Ty that we love him and we're here for him, and he should stop being such a knob.
What if I love her? Yeah, right, like that's possible.
I feel more alive around Eva than I have done in years.
That's what Charlie Truman said just before he died.
We don't want you to die, Ty.
Thanks for that, Mike! And anything we can do to make this so, we will do it.
If I stop the freezing thing, will you leave me alone? For now.
Consider it done.
No sign yet? Of Gaia? Nah, just me and Bryn.
He's not big on conversation.
Hey, um, we're not entirely sure when Gaia will be back, eh.
I'll wait.
In fact, I think she went to go and stay with some friends.
Give me an address.
I'll go there.
Why don't I tell her you were here and she can give you a call? No, that's not acceptable.
It's the best you're gonna get, pal.
I came for daughter; I'll leave with my daughter.
That's not gonna happen.
You're going to stop me, are you? Um, I think she might have a say in this, you know, as a grown woman.
But, yeah, I'll stop you if need be.
I warned you, what I do to you What? Rip my head off? Yeah, I'd like to see you try.
Yes, I'm a slut.
Is there a problem? Oh, shit.
We're leaving.
You're not dragging me back to that fucking island.
- It's for your own good.
- I think she knows what's good for her Ow! Hey, that's not on.
You stay out of it.
This has nothing to do with you.
This has everything to do with me.
Whoa! Get out of my way.
Not cool, not cool.
Guys Yo, yo, guys, guys, she's gone.
She's gone.
Gaia! Gaia, you come here.
I need you to find Gaia for me.
OK, uh good work.
Hey.
Hey.
Are you OK there? Drink's almost empty.
You've been hitting it a bit more than usual since you got back.
Got no money for another one.
I can sort that out, if you tell me what the hell is going on with your old man.
You hurt me.
Heaps.
Yeah, I know.
Sorry.
I was so glad to get away from you that I didn't pick up on it for ages.
Dad and Jacob were so caring.
Everything I needed, one of them made sure I had it to make me happy, they said.
Except then I started to feel better and I wanted to go out, to be around people again, and they said, 'Sure, fine, anything you want, girl, ' as long as they went with me and they were people they approved of, oh, and as long as I didn't leave Waiheke.
Which is when I realised I wasn't living at Jacob's.
I was a prisoner there.
I thought I was imagining it; they were just being overprotective.
Then I found the cameras at Jacob's.
They I found the same set-up at Dad's.
And he has nothing I mean nothing - worth stealing.
The cameras were there because of me.
Did you ask them why? What do you think? Sorry.
Bryn got all flustered and started talking about how the island wasn't safe for a young woman any more, so I was, like, 'How come you want me to stay here, then?' Then he got even more flustered and stopped making sense, so I left it.
Then one day I tried to leave, and they caught me at the ferry building.
So the next time I cooked them up a vegan crockpot laced with some of Dad's hash, waited till they couldn't speak or move, stole a boat, and that's how I ended up here.
Do I get that drink now? So you have no idea why the cameras and everything? My father's and insane control freak and in Jacob he's found a mate.
Boy do I know how to pick 'em when it comes to boyfriends.
Stay here.
I'll sort this out.
Hey, honey.
How was your day? OK.
Did you have fun with your brothers? It was them Stacey saw you driving away with, right? Yeah.
Where'd you go? Uh, we played mini-golf.
Why? It's a thing we do.
That is so lame.
I s'pose.
So you played mini-golf with your brothers instead of going to work.
That makes a lot of sense! It's a thing we do when we need to talk.
What did you need to talk about today? It was me, wasn't it? They're worried about mortals getting involved in our business.
Since when is our business their business? God business.
Ooh, god business.
Let's all get pompous and speak in hushed tones, because god business is serious business.
Well, screw that.
We are gods and mortals answer.
Whatever happens is their fucking problem, not ours.
And besides, they love it when you do your thing.
No.
It stops now.
Why? Jesus, were you not listening? Cos your brothers say so.
Because I say so.
Fine.
It was getting boring, anyway.
Stacey, stay for dinner.
It's OK.
I'm I'm good.
Thanks for asking.
No, you're staying for dinner.
Ah, you're back.
Is she with you? - What are you doing? - Trying to find my daughter.
By tying my flatmate to a chair.
You weren't here.
So you tortured him? What? Don't be absurd.
He wanted to leave; I needed him to stay.
The chair was the only solution.
But he doesn't know where she is.
I know that now - hence the gag.
He was starting to annoy me with his whiny voice.
Where is she? Why did you and the jeweller keep her prisoner with cameras and everything? Who told you that? She did.
So you've seen her, then? Yeah, obviously, otherwise how else could she tell me? I wasn't keeping her prisoner.
I was protecting her.
From what? From many things.
Such as? You wouldn't understand.
Yeah, the thing is, I think I might.
Is that so? You want to look after her? Me too.
I was gutted when she left here, and now she's back, and I don't want her to leave.
Not that I'd put up cameras and that shit cos that's surreal and way out of order.
I need to keep her safe.
I get that.
You're a dad.
But, far out, man, there are limits.
No, you don't get it.
Then tell me.
Gaia means the world to me.
She's all I have.
Then let me tell you something: if you try this keeping her prisoner shit again, you will not see her for dust.
And she won't come running back here, because she will be gone, and neither of us will ever see her again.
Do you want that? Do you want that? Is there a problem, Stacey? I'm actually, as you know, a vegetarian.
But it's rude to not eat the food your host puts on the table.
You don't have to eat it, Stacey.
She's a fucking handmaiden.
She does as she's told.
It's OK.
I'm one of those veggos that sometimes isn't.
Is there a problem with my cooking? I think the meat might be off.
Oh dear, that sometimes happens when I get upset.
Sorry.
Eat up.
You're not serious, right? What do you think, Stacey? Eva, knock it off.
She needs a lesson, Hod, in the natural order around here.
If you're angry with me, take it out on me, not her.
Go, Stacey.
Get out of here.
Hey! Let go! Oh, come on.
You're a handmaiden.
You should expect this sort of thing from time to time.
Which screwed-up parallel universe do you and her live in? The one you are currently getting blood on my floor of! Your daughter is a wackjob.
That does not change the fact that you are only a handmaiden.
To be honest, you look like the sort of girl who enjoys that sort of thing.
Class act you've hooked up with! Stay still.
So you agree with him, then? It's OK to cut the home help? Only if they don't stay still.
No, I don't think it is right to stab someone just because they're a handmaiden.
Gee, thanks! Does your boyfriend know you share this radical view? Prime bitch right there.
Could use a lesson in proper behaviour for a goddess.
I don't give a fuck if she is Hel.
OK, big fan, then! Stay still.
I was just about to call you.
Oh, shit.
Oh, hey, it's Axl.
Come and meet my new friends.
This is my friend Axl.
Hey, Axl.
Nice to meet you.
Hey.
You are my friend, aren't you? More than you know, and, uh, you have to come home with me now.
Oh, is my dad still there? Yeah, but it's all good.
Ooh, good, because there are a few things that I wanna say to him.
My father is a prick.
It was nice seeing you all.
Bye.
You wanna sort that tab out now or? Very funny! I'm really gonna give it to him, eh.
Sure you are.
Sure you are.
Yeah, really looking out for her! Hey, she wouldn't be like this if you hadn't shown up.
That's not necessarily Do you want to get tied up again? I wanna talk to my daughter.
It's not gonna happen tonight.
I'll sleep on the couch, then.
It's like old Gaia went to the island and new Gaia came back.
Do you hate me? No, of course not.
I don't know why I do those things.
It's like there's this whole other me, and sometimes I can't keep her locked up.
I know that.
It's just in future, take it out on me.
That's what I'm here for.
Do you know what we should do? Does it involve branding irons or freezing people? No.
No, none of that stuff.
You're right.
That's all bullshit.
We need to leave that crap behind.
We should have a baby.
Wouldn't we make the most amazing baby ever? She'd be strong and powerful and beautiful.
Ree.
Let's do it.
Let's make babies.
God, are you all right? Hi, Dawn.
Good to see you too.
Seriously, you look awful.
Is Agnetha here? No.
Will she be here soon? Possibly.
Some days she is; some days she isn't.
And today here she is.
I need to speak to you.
Come on.
Eva wants us to make babies.
That's normal - apart from the bit where Eva's involved.
Yeah, but what will it be like? I mean, us raising babies.
I mean, will it make things better, or will it all turn to shit like, you know? Like what? Like it always does with our kind.
What are you asking me for? You lived through it.
And I remember what it was like.
Come here! You're in so much trouble! You need to stay here.
Tyrone, Tyrone, you need to be quiet.
You were my little hero.
Let me go! I want to kill him! I know.
I know you do, but I need you stay in your room till I tell you it's OK to come out.
It's wrong, you know the way it was with Dad.
Why does it have to be like that? What do you want, Tyrone? Do you want me to reassure you that if you and Eva start breeding, everything will magically be OK? I owe you, so here's what I'm gonna You don't owe me.
No, you're wrong.
You saved my life, so I'm going to save yours too.
I want you to go and join Anders up north.
There's something up there we need, so I sent him to find it.
But it's Anders, so the chances are he will need help.
So your solution to my problem is to send me to Norway? You married Eva No, let's give it its proper name.
You ended up in Hel out of an obligation one that has been well and truly paid.
- There is no reason for you to stay with her.
- I can't And I know she's addictive.
You ask is it always like your father and I, then, yes, it is.
Put a god and a goddess together, it's an addiction.
But by sending you to the other side of the world, I can break your need of her.
Then I can consider my debt paid.
Don't go back out there.
I I need you to keep this safe for me.
Now, listen, this is a very important job, because this is magic this, yeah.
OK, it keeps everybody safe, as long as a brave boy is wearing it, all right? And then when this is over and this is gone again, then you can give it back to me, OK? OK? All right, good boy.
OK, shh.
Shush, yeah? How dare you?! How dare you hurt a child?! You coward! See? You made me strong, so I could fight him.
What's this? Did she do this to you? It didn't really hurt.
It's one of the few advantages to running cold.
I have to go.
Please, think about my offer.
I will.
Hello? Hello? Shh.
Nice trick.
You try it.
I think you'll find it's a little more than a trick.
I bet.
Who are you and why are you in my house? I'm a friend of Ty's.
Do you have a name, friend of Ty? Dawn.
Boy, I bet you had a shit time growing up all those boys making jokes about the crack of Dawn.
Not really.
OK, that's who you are.
The why still alludes me.
I'm worried about Ty.
Is that so? Have you seen the way he looks lately? Not since we made love this morning.
Why? Has he changed since then? He looks like he's dying.
We're all dying, Dawn, from the moment we're born.
Death is an inevitability.
Isn't that great? Not really.
So when you say you're a friend of Ty's, what I hear is that you're this whore who used to screw him.
I was his girlfriend, yes, before you came along.
Ah.
And you still have an emotional attachment to Ty.
I worry about him.
A lot more as of late.
That is so sweet.
That is so unbelievably sweet.
Are you sure you don't want anything to eat? Do you have anything uncontaminated by chemicals or the stench of death? Probably not.
Then I'm good, thank you.
I'm not going back to that island.
Yes, I know, and I won't force you.
Good, cos I'll hit you.
I really will.
I simply want to know that you are safe.
Safe? From what? Life? By locking me in a tower? What fucking century are you from? Yes, well, I realise now that I might have gone a little overboard out of love.
Love is not fucking suffocating someone to death.
What kind of messed-up way of thinking is that? But that's over now, isn't it, Bryn? Yes.
No more 'prisoner on the island' stuff, eh? No, unless you want to come back.
Why would I want that? There might be a reason.
Hi.
Is it OK if I come in? No, it's not.
I want to speak to Gaia.
Too bad.
Hook off.
Hey, come on, now.
That's hardly fair.
I don't give a shit.
Piss off.
Well, who's the control freak now, eh? I mean, maybe she wants to talk to Jacob.
He was her boyfriend after all.
If you don't want to talk to him, just say the word.
Whatever.
What do you want? In private, if that's OK.
Fine.
I'll be in my room if anyone needs me.
Can we have a quick word? Don't go anywhere with him.
We had a deal.
No more trying to drag her back to the island.
We do and I'm not.
So, what, it's chance that he shows up here today? Jacob is his own man doing what he feels he needs to do.
I love you, Gaia.
So, please will you marry me? No, no, no, no.
You two are up to something.
Now he has the nerve to ask me to marry him.
Can you believe this shit? I need a shower.
If you leave now, you might make the next ferry.
Your girlfriend came round.
I don't have a girlfriend.
She was worried about you.
Apparently it's all my fault.
I tried talking to her, but she really wasn't listening to reason.
Are you talking about Dawn? Dawn, Dusk, whatever.
She's your problem now.
Eva, what have you done? Dawn? In here.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Your wife is a psycho bitch.
Get a blanket! Get it yourself.
Take me home.
Bye, Dawn! Nice chatting.
I'm sorry, but your wife is certifiably insane.
You should drink the hot chocolate.
I should be going to the police is what I should be doing.
Yeah, I know.
But I won't if you don't want me to.
Let me deal with it.
How? Drink the hot drink, get warm.
I'll be out here if you need me.
You don't have to stay.
Until I know you're OK.
She wants to go to the cops.
Can't blame her.
Eva's getting more all over the show.
More barking mad.
Stronger.
God, goddess - together they grow.
And not in a good way.
They're not so big on humour, are they, they giants? No, they're not.
Please don't piss them off, not now.
If one more calls me a dwarf, I'll stand on a chair and smack 'em.
You're there to use your power of speech, Anders, not your power to end up getting beaten to a pulp.
Hang on.
Hi.
I thought you should know I'm gonna pass on the trip to Norway.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I'm not leaving.
But thanks for the offer.
Go north.
Do what you're there for.
Oh yay, even more cold I can't wait! Hey, does my chest hair look weird to you? I think being around these hairy people has mutated it.
Decided to come home, did you? So is your girlfriend still in the land of the living? What the fuck do you want? Where have you been? Work.
What are you doing on the floor? Couldn't sleep.
Didn't think you were working tonight.
I got called in.
Something's not right.
OK, what? No idea, which adds to the whole 'something's not right' scenario.
Is this something that isn't right something to do with me? Still unsure.
Well, is there any way I can help take your mind off whatever it is? I'm sure there is.
It's what you're best at, isn't it? Oh, you make it sound cheap when you say it like that.
One thing you are not is cheap.
Ugh, pass.
Ahh, she does have limits.
Yeah, she does.
Just as well, seeing as I am now your legal guardian.
What? How else do you think I got your dad to back off and see sense? Me and Zeb, we own you.
It's our turn to worry about you now.
Yeah, and you thought your last prison was tough.
Is that so? I'm afraid so.
Well, you can worry about me sleeping for the next 12 hours.
We can manage that.
Oh, and, by the way whatever you did, thank you.
No worries.
And an excellent shot to the nuts, may I say.
My teachings are paying off.
Which teaching are these? My Odin teachings.
You handled this whole thing with a manliness way above your usual, my Padawan.
Stop with the Star Wars shit, OK.
But she is not the one you are looking for.
Who isn't? The cute flatmate.
She's too old, and unless there were Maoris in Asgard, the wrong hue.
Yeah, I know.
Eyes on the prize, My Lord.
Eyes on the prize.
- Hey, what are you doing up? - I thought you'd gone.
Yeah, I was awake and you were asleep, so I went out to get food and coffee and stuff for when you woke.
You shouldn't be up.
I'm fine.
Warmer, for sure.
That's good, but I still think you should go back to bed.
What about the food? Take it with you.
I don't like eating in bed - crumbs.
We used to eat in bed.
I used to make exceptions.
After you left, I would vacuum.
OK.
But I still think you should have some food and something warm to drink and then go back to bed.
Maybe.
And I should go.
You look much better this morning.
So do you, actually.
- I'm sorry for what happened.
- Don't apologise.
It wasn't you.
Eva.
Get out here.
Get up.
Fuck! Oh, shit.
Hold on, baby.
Hold on.
Eva!