The Avengers (1961) s02e03 Episode Script
The Decapod
1 (theme music playing) (shower running) (water stops) (rings) Hello? Yes? I was just taking a shower.
Can't it wait till the morning? Yes.
I think I found out what you want to know.
Borb became quite confidential, but we better not discuss it on the phone.
I'll meet you in the morning, all right? Goodbye.
(gasps) - (screams) - (grunts) - Mr.
Steed? - Yes.
I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
That's all right.
Man: Come in.
(door opens) Excellency, this is Mr.
Steed.
To what do I owe the pleasure? The British are naturally very anxious about your security while you are here in London.
- That's very decent of them.
- Not at all.
Not long ago your newspapers were calling me the Balkan Bandit.
It's pleasant to see you're now concerned about my welfare.
We have an obligation to look after you while you're on British territory.
This embassy is Balkan territory even though it is in the royal borough of Kensington.
Mr.
Steed is particularly concerned about the death of the young lady.
Yes.
So am I.
She was a very attractive girl.
Your ambassador tells me that she was your private secretary.
(chuckles) My ambassador is becoming an expert at Western diplomacy.
She was staying here, I believe.
Yes, she had one of the residential flats upstairs.
That's where the accident occurred.
You're quite sure it was an accident? I was given to understand that she slipped as she was getting out of the shower and broke her neck.
Isn't that what happened, Stepan? That is what we assume happened, Excellency.
Then I don't think there is any cause for alarm.
I shouldn't like a similar accident to happen to you.
Thank you.
I am very well-protected.
I shall use my ambassador here as a demonstration.
Stepan, reach into your pocket for your wallet.
I'm sure Mr.
Steed does not need convincing.
Do as I say, Stepan.
(laughs) Break! Ha-ha.
And, uh, Stepan here is my brother-in-law.
My watchdogs arrived this morning, and while I'm here they will guard me night and day, won't they, Stepan? Mr.
Steed, I hope His Excellency does not give the impression we are not anxious to cooperate on the question of security.
Whether you're anxious or not, I must give him maximum security in this country.
I will cooperate as much as I can, but His Excellency is a difficult person to protect.
(chuckles) Stepan, before I forget, uh, get me another private secretary.
Uh, you know my requirements.
Your duties as ambassador seem to be rather varied.
Yes, they are.
Woman: You've got me in your clutches And I can't get free You're getting to be a habit with me Every kiss, every hug Seems to act just like a drug You're getting to be a habit with me Let me stay in your arms I'm addicted to your charms You're getting to be a habit with me I used to think your love was something that I could take Or leave alone But now I couldn't do without my supply I need you For my own No, I can't break away I must have you every day As regularly as coffee or tea (piano flourish) You've got me in your clutches And I can't get free What can I do? I'm hooked on you 'Cause you're getting to be a habit With Me.
(music stops) (jazz music plays) Well, hello.
- That was very nice.
- Thank you.
With pleasure.
May I have a word with you? - Me? - Yes.
Oh.
How are you? - I'm fine.
- Good.
You fancy a tour? - That's very kind of you.
- No, I mean a singing tour.
- Are you serious? - All the main halls.
- Really? What's the billing? - Solo.
- Where? - The Balkans.
The Balkans.
Huh.
Who's promoting it, you? - No, Yakob Borb.
- Sounds like a beat poet.
What's the fee? By arrangement.
When would he want me to start this tour? As soon as you can talk him into it.
Oh, charming.
Thank you and good night.
Hey, no, wait a minute.
It's not like that.
No? Well, if it's on the level, you have a word with my agent.
- There are reasons I can't do that.
- Yes, I'll bet there are.
Borb's a very important man.
International reputation.
You might say a member of the international set.
Such as who? Had lunch with the Prime Minister last week.
Few months ago, entertained at the White House.
Christmas in the Kremlin.
I like your dress.
Well, how come he's interested in me? Well, he's not at the moment.
Oh, great.
But I can affect an introduction.
The rest is up to you.
Where's that young lady? Do I get a proper contract? Of course, but don't let's rush it.
We may not know if he likes you yet.
By the way, he's the minister for film production.
Last year one of his country's pictures won a Venice award.
I don't want to rush you.
I'm sure that Borb will have no trouble in finding talent.
My dear, you look more beautiful than ever.
- Thank you and keep the change.
- Thank you.
Steed: Hmm? Well, I suppose there's no harm in seeing the man.
I'll arrange it for tomorrow morning.
- How's that? - That's very sweet of you.
No, I mean, how about tomorrow morning? - Mm? All right.
- Oh, good.
The Balkan embassy, Kensington, 10:30.
Yeah, just a minute.
What am I supposed to do for this Borb character? I mean, what numbers go down in the Balkans? - Folk songs? - He'll tell you what he wants.
Just chat him up a bit.
You know how to do that.
- Don't mention my name.
- As if I would.
Anything else? Yeah, you better not mention business at first.
Encourage him to talk, you know.
And let me know all the details.
Yeah, and don't tell me, hmm? You'll be in touch.
Yes.
Good night, my dear.
(men grunting) (speaking foreign language) - (knock on door) - Come in! Excellency, you have not forgotten you have a conference this morning? - I don't have to leave for another 10 minutes.
- I know, Excellency.
I wanted to make sure you and your delegation were not late.
If you mean these two apes, they'll be ready when they finish their morning exercise.
Break! Excellency, I must point out that the embassy apartments are hardly the place for this type of display.
It is I who decides what the embassy shall be used for.
Now get out! (grunts in pain) Oh, idiot.
Idiot.
Anything else you wanted, Ambassador? Yes, Excellency, there is a young lady who has called.
A Miss Venus Smith.
Good.
Bring her in.
Stepan: His Excellency will see you now.
Thank you, Ambassador.
I'm sorry.
I seem to have come at playtime.
Oh, please don't mind them.
They're just my bodyguards.
I don't see how they can do much bodyguarding in that position.
You'd be surprised how quickly they come if they try.
(groans) - Who won? - No one wins.
This is just a friendly bout.
Uh, this, actually, is the champion, Georgi.
Hi, Georgi.
I want Georgi to wrestle over here in England.
I'm trying to arrange a bout for him with one of your champions.
Perhaps the Butcher of Islington.
It will help to promote good relations between our two countries, don't you think? Oh, yes.
I'm sure it'll do just that, yes.
Yeah.
All right, boys, get dressed.
You notice they only get dressed one at a time.
- Are they shy? - (chuckles) No, just obedient.
Their instructions are that I must not be left without a guard even for one moment.
Wouldn't it be cheaper to get a dog? (laughs) I'm inclined to agree with you, but my ambassador doesn't think so.
Please let me take your coat.
Thank you.
I see you have no hidden weapons.
What a nice place you've got here.
Please make yourself comfortable.
- Would you like a drink? - Oh, no, thank you.
Not before an audition.
It affects my breathing.
I beg your pardon? Perhaps you don't want to hear me sing at this stage.
Hear you sing? Why, yes, of course.
I would love to hear you sing at any time.
I wasn't sure.
I didn't bring my pianist.
- You didn't? - No, but I've got him on Oh, I wouldn't bother.
I wouldn't bother.
If you like, we'll just, uh, sit and talk.
Okay.
That suits me.
Well, I suppose you want to know something about my experience.
I think that would be most exciting.
- (knock on door) - Well, I I'm sorry to interrupt, Excellency, but you will be late for the conference.
All right, I'm coming.
I'm terribly sorry, Miss, uh? Smith.
Oh, that's quite all right.
Don't let me hold you up.
Uh, please regard this suite as your own while I'm away.
That's very nice of you, but I ought to be running along anyway.
I've got some shopping to do.
If you care to give your shopping list to your chauffeur, he'll see that it gets done for you.
My chauffeur? Since when did I have a chauffeur? You'll use one of mine and an embassy limousine for the duration of your contract.
You mean I'm engaged? - Yes.
- But you haven't Please ring if you want anything else.
Woman: Your attention, please.
The conference will begin in 10 minutes.
(repeating announcement in Italian) An excellent conference, don't you think, Mr.
Steed? Yes, as conferences go.
Yakob Borb was in superb form.
I must say nothing seems to worry him.
He's the most fearless man I've ever met.
Everywhere in the world, wherever he goes, he's in danger of assassination.
- No one trusts him.
- Hmm.
This very morning he has been in there negotiating £100 million worth of economic aid from the West in exchange for a few of our naval bases.
Yet even now your foreign office suspects that in a year's time he will offer the same bases to another power for another 100 million.
Will he? Well, he may have no alternative.
If we are to remain neutral, we must be fair to both sides.
Quite a problem, isn't it? International blackmail.
That's a dangerous game.
Ah, blackmail, Mr.
Steed? We are offered the aid.
You could always refuse it.
Yakob Borb would never refuse money.
- (chuckles) No.
- That's not for us to judge.
We merely have to see that nobody thinks it would be cheaper to get rid of His Excellency.
After all, for all anyone knows, you might be his intended assassin.
Or you.
Yes.
By the way, did you get him a new private secretary? Yes, someone came who seems to be suitable.
- She's at the embassy now.
- Good.
Well, I hope she's enjoying herself.
Oh, good.
Now perhaps we can get somewhere.
Would you mind telling your boss I want to see him here now, understand? Look, give him a message.
I want to get out of here.
I've got things to do.
I don't care about the job.
- Look - (telephone rings) Oh, go away.
- Hello.
- Steed: May I speak to Miss Smith, please? - Oh, it's you at last.
- How's it going? How's it going? What is this, a white slave kick or something? They've got me locked up in here, a goon outside the door.
- Oh, no, it's your imagination.
- Imagination? I'd have smashed a window and jumped out except that it's four stories high.
- Now keep calm.
- Keep calm? If I finish up in a harem, I'm going to sue you - A harem? - And another thing.
Haven't they got any baths in this place? Baths? What do you mean, baths? He rang me up half an hour ago and said he wants me to go to the public baths with him tonight.
Public baths? Well, what public baths? - East Paddington or something.
- Oh, East Paddington.
Go along like a good little girl.
I'll be right behind you.
Bye.
Look, if he turns out to be a (slams receiver down) What do you want now, a biscuit? (chatter) (music playing over loudspeaker) I'm very sorry.
May I? I think that's my seat.
- Oh, yes.
- Terribly sorry.
Thank you very much.
Oh, dearie me.
'Ey, you're sittin' on me coat.
- Oh, I'm frightfully sorry.
- Thank you.
It's a beautiful one, too.
I mean Can I help? Oh, I've dropped your program.
It's not really my day, I'm afraid.
- Oh, thank you.
- There we go.
- I can't.
I simply can't.
- Oh.
That's fine.
You can buy one for sixpence, you know.
I think they ought to be free.
- You what? - There aren't any left.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, well, it's all right.
- You can have it.
- Can I really? Thank you.
They're probably all wrong.
They usually are.
Really? (man clears throat) (man #2, indistinct) Steed: Thank you, madam.
- Hi.
Hello.
Hello.
- Oh, it's you.
Well, I'm glad somebody got here.
- Well, is that your seat? - Yes.
- Where is he? - Who, Borb? I don't know.
He and one of his goons went separately by taxi.
He insisted I came in his car.
I don't know why.
- Excuse me.
- Do you mind? - I'm having a conversation.
- Do you mind? Oh, now look here.
You can't treat a young Yes? Excuse me.
Make way, please.
(cheering and whistling) Ladies and gentlemen! (crowd shouts) Ladies and gentlemen, for the first bout this evening there will be an alteration in your program.
(crowd booing) - You know, this is a sign.
- Yes.
The Butcher of Islington is unfortunately indisposed.
Crowd: Oh-hh! However, we have been most fortunate in being able to secure for you at very short notice the undefeated heavyweight champion of the Balkans, one of the president's personal bodyguards, Gorgon, Wildebeest of the Balkans! (crowd shouting and booing) - Get to your corner.
- Man: Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(announcer continues, indistinct) - Hey, that's Georgi.
- Great big Balkan burke.
Is Borb going into the promoting business? (crowd shouting and booing) (trumpet fanfare plays) - What in - Hooray! In Pete's name's a Decapod? Ten tentacles with fish fingers.
It's like a lobster, you know.
(crowd shouts) Man: Oh, let him go! - Man #2: Come over here.
- Come on now.
That's right.
- Man #3: Tear his mask off! - Man #4: Take his mask off! (crowd shouting) (announcer shouting, indistinct) Oh, you mean poor old Georgi's gonna fight that gob? - I beg your pardon? - Is he a favorite of yours? - He's me old man.
- Your father? Me husband.
(announcer, crowd shouting) (crowd boos and cheers) Leave him alone, you brute! Don't worry.
They're not really hurting one another.
Are you sure? Man: Oh! I've never seen him like this before! Harry! Stop it! Harry! You've killed him! Harry! (crowd booing) What's happened? What did they say? Police have gone.
He got away.
Must have been a car waiting for him or got into a taxi.
If you don't mind my asking, Mr.
, uh - Steed.
- Steed.
What is your interest, anyway? My interest was in the other one.
The Balkan boy.
You are his manager? More or less.
I'm very sorry about your boy.
He shouldn't have done that.
I've never known the Decapod to behave like that.
I just don't know why he did it.
- Perhaps Mrs.
, uh - His real name was Ramsden.
Perhaps Mrs.
Ramsden can help us.
I don't know where he is, and that's the gospel truth.
Does he often lose his temper? Lose his temper? Harry was as gentle as a lamb.
Do many of your boys practice judo? Judo? The death chop is no part of judo.
It comes from what we call karate, the ancient samurai art of killing.
- That blow is illegal, isn't it? Even in Japan.
- Yes.
So your Harry knew what he was doing when he killed Georgi.
My Harry never practiced judo.
I've never seen him like that before.
I don't care what either of you say.
Don't believe he'd deliberately kill anyone.
Try not to worry, Mrs.
Ra Yes, I'm coming.
Mrs.
Ramsden, if Harry turns up here, I will look after him.
- Excuse me.
- Mm-hmm.
Look, if you find Harry, let me know.
You can trust me.
- What do you want with him? - I think I can help him.
You can get me via this club.
If I'm not there, ask for a Miss Venus Smith.
- Man: Mr.
Steed? - Okay? - (knock on door) - Come in.
Well? Uh, Venus.
How nice to see you again.
I've been trying to find you all day.
Then of course I remembered you said you're working in a club.
I got the message.
And, uh, where have you been all day? Where have I been? What happened to you last night? You asked me to meet you at this Bear Pit place, and then you don't show up.
I really am very, very sorry.
You do know what happened, I suppose? To Georgi? Yes.
It must have been a fantastic fight.
Just how many bodyguards do you get through in a week? Believe me, I am very sorry for Georgi.
Oh, yes, I can see that.
It's difficult to explain.
Oh, come now, Venus.
Let's talk about more pleasant things.
I have a surprise for you.
You want me to fight the Butcher of Islington? (laughs) No, no.
I have a present for you.
I had them flown in this morning from my own nurseries especially for you.
- But they're beautiful.
- I thought you'd like them.
Perhaps you better save them for poor old Georgi's funeral.
Oh, there are plenty more.
Please accept them.
All right.
How am I going to get them home? I shall have them taken straight to your flat upstairs.
What flat upstairs? I think it will be much more convenient if you lived in the embassy, don't you think? Really, I only live a bus ride away.
Thank you all the same.
(chuckles) I take it he does double duty now? Yes, for a few days until my ambassador replaces Georgi.
Please sit down.
Would you like a drink? Oh, no, thank you.
My breathing.
Oh, yes, of course.
You sing.
That's right.
I must come down to your club and hear you some evening.
- Come tonight if you like.
- I should love to.
Perhaps you would allow me to take you out to dinner - first of all, hmm? - And be stood up again? What happened last night? I'm afraid you might find it a bit difficult to believe.
You can always try.
I've heard most excuses.
Well, I had a warning at the last moment that something was going to happen at the Baths.
- What sort of warning? - Just a voice on the telephone that told me to keep away and then rung off.
Why didn't you warn Georgi to stay away as well? There was no time.
In any case, I didn't think he was in any danger.
But the interesting thing is that apart from Ito, the wrestling promoter, only my two bodyguards and yourself knew I was going to the Baths last night.
Uh, they don't speak English and that only leaves you.
Leaves me to what? To tell someone I was going to the Baths last night.
Did you? I don't think so, but if I did, I didn't know there was any harm in it.
Well, now, you see how careful one has to be? Wh-what time is your show this evening? Oh, not till 11:00.
Well, I suggest we go and find a nice quiet restaurant and enjoy ourselves.
What do you say? Only if you're quite sure it's safe to go out.
I'm quite sure no one would want to harm you.
In any case, we still have one faithful watchdog left.
According to the pathologist's report on Georgi, his neck injuries were almost exactly the same as those found on that girl, the one who, uh, slipped in the shower.
Oh, yes? So I think it's safe to assume that the same person killed them both.
- I'd already assumed that.
- Oh.
I say, who was that poor girl phoning just before she was killed? How do you know she was phoning anyone? After you left, I took a little surveying look around the embassy.
There were traces of soap on the telephone.
Then you checked with the switchboard.
Ah-hh.
Yes.
There were no external calls at that time, so it must have been internal and didn't come through the switchboard.
Difficult to trace.
Mm-hmm.
Let's look at it another way.
There was first the girl, then a bodyguard, but no one's had a go at Borb.
What are they trying to do, isolate him so he's easier to assassinate? - Maybe just a warning.
- A warning? To force him to walk out of the conference.
- Mm.
- Either way, it will be all the same to Borb.
It will just amuse him.
He's got a heightened sense of fun.
That has only come in recent years.
Up until then, he was a dedicated revolutionary with a fine sense of responsibility.
But power corrupts.
Absolute power, yes.
What's this obsession with, uh, with wrestling, eh? Once when he was in jail that was before we came to power He shared a cell with a wrestler and became an aficionado, and he's kept it up ever since.
Woman (over P.
A.
): Calling Mr.
Steed.
Calling Mr.
Steed.
Mr.
Steed is wanted Excuse me.
I must go back to the embassy myself and wipe my telephone.
(laughs) (jazz music playing) - Hello.
Steed.
- Oh, there you are.
Look, I thought you promised to stick around.
- Why? What's the matter? - Nothing's the matter yet.
It's just that whenever I go out with Borb, I'm nervous.
- Borb? Where is he? - He's here with me in the club.
Oh-oh, here's laughing boy.
Look, I've got to get back.
You'd better get down here.
Someone wants to talk to you.
- Who is it? - A friend of yours.
Female.
(whistles) Come on, boy.
Heel.
(applause) - Thank you, sir.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Well, hello.
You all right? - All right.
- Good.
You wanted to see me.
Come in here round the back.
I say, Cloaks, what time does the cabaret start? Mrs.
Ramsden: 1:00, sir.
Oh, good show.
I thought we might have missed it.
You're new here, aren't you? Yes, sir.
(conversation continues, indistinct) - I'm Harry Ramsden.
- Oh, the Decapod.
Aye.
Edna said you wanted to see me.
Yeah, I want you to do something for me.
Do what? How much did Ito pay you to kill the Balkan? I don't know what you're talking about.
I'll pay you double to do the same thing for me.
- To - Yes, to kill somebody.
Put him down, Harry.
Told you, you can trust him.
He never killed anyone.
He wasn't even there last night.
- Shut up.
- Just as I thought.
- If it wasn't you, who was it? - Go on.
Tell him, Harry.
I don't know.
I never saw a bloke.
I was just told to keep me mouth shut and keep out of the way till it were all over.
I told him to go to the police.
Man: I say, Cloaks, any service? (softly) How long have you known Ito, Harry? Well, ever since he first come over here.
I were one of the first wrestlers he signed up.
Where'd he come from, Japan? No, he hadn't been in Japan since before the war.
He were in I forget now.
Somewhere t'other side of Europe.
- The Balkans? - Ah, that's right.
- He run a gym there one time.
- How much did Ito pay you for a fight? - 'Bout £6.
- And how often did you fight? Once a week, sometimes twice.
- Not much to keep a wife on.
- Well, we're regular.
How old are you, Harry? There's a lot of blokes as old as me still doing all right.
Uh, uh, just a minute.
Edna said you might be able to do something for me.
- Where are you staying? - She knows.
I'll be in touch.
Oh, don't worry, luv.
(music begins) Never treats me Sweet and gentle The way he should I got it bad And that ain't good My poor heart is sentimental Not made of wood I got it bad And that ain't good But when the weekend's over And Monday rolls around I end up Like I start out Just cryin' My heart out Lord above me Make him love me The way that he should I got it bad And that Ain't Good.
I'm so glad you've turned up.
I'll take you to see Edna.
I've already seen her.
Thanks for giving her a job.
Oh, think nothing of it.
What about mine? Well, you're fine.
He looked enraptured.
Get straight back to him.
Strike while the iron is hot.
Fine.
He was so enraptured, he's left.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Edna? (strikes bell) Edna? - What's happened? - Look, where have you been? In the club.
What's happened to him? Shall I get an ambulance? Don't worry about that.
Get the police.
Go on.
Szarko.
He's here.
I sent him to get my coat.
I waited so long, I came to see why.
Well, he's the last of your bodyguards.
I think I'd better see you home.
Yes.
And, uh, so with the acceptance by the Western delegates of this final clause relating to terms of payment That is to say the transference of £10 million in sterling into a Swiss bank for immediate use in making European purchases I am very pleased to say that we are now ready to sign the agreement without any further reservation.
(applause) Good job, then.
Congratulations.
Thank you, Mr.
Steed.
You drove a hard bargain on that final clause.
£10 million in cash? I have a responsibility to my country.
Credit transfers are all very well, but when I negotiate a contract, I like to get as much as possible in cash.
It's safer that way, don't you think? You're signing the agreement this afternoon? Yes.
Your foreign office has rushed it through.
They seem rather anxious to get rid of me.
- I'm sure you will be, too.
- I don't know.
Rather dull without you.
You going home tonight? His Excellency prefers to travel by day.
He will leave tomorrow morning.
Yes.
It will give me a few hours to enjoy your beautiful city.
I'll be happy to show you around.
Thank you.
I have a good guide book.
I'll be with you just the same.
Really? Am I to understand that you are taking over the role of my personal bodyguard? That's right, until your plane leaves.
- You think I'm still in danger? - Yes.
Oh.
In that case, we shall be very careful.
Won't we, Stepan? (humming to melody) Cool it.
Hi, Edna.
Could I see you for a minute? Sure.
Won't be a moment, Dave.
- What is it? - It's my Harry.
I knew where he was supposed to be stayin' last night, - and he never went back.
- Last night? But Yes.
He was there just before that fella got killed, and he never went back.
Look, don't you think you'd better go for the police? I don't know.
I just don't know anymore.
He were a good wrestler.
He were champion in the north till the young ones came along, and then they didn't want him anymore.
Then this fellow Ito signed him up, and he was so grateful.
- He'd do anything for him.
- Well, Edna, I'd like to help I thought perhaps your friend would help.
- I'm sure he will if he can.
- If he could find him before the police do, before he gets into any more trouble, that's all I want.
- I'll talk to him.
- Excuse me.
Venus, you're wanted on the phone, darling.
All right.
Don't worry.
He'll show up.
- Who is it, Dave? - Your boyfriend.
Oh.
Ah, Venus, how nice to hear your voice again.
Are you engaged at the moment? Oh, I'm sure rehearsals can wait.
I can explain all that.
Please.
Listen, I have so little time here in London.
That's better.
I shall send my car round for you.
I recognize those legs.
I've been looking for you all afternoon.
(whispers) Shh.
What's wrong? What's wrong? Did you know that Harry Ramsden was at the club last night? - Yes, I did.
- You did? I've just been talking to his wife.
- He's disappeared again.
- Yeah, I thought he'd do that.
Is that what's worrying you? Of course that's what's worrying me.
It's dangerous, isn't it, with him out on the loose? Might be me that gets bumped off next.
- I've got my eye on you.
- (sighs) - Hey.
- Hmm? Don't be rough on Borb.
He's just about ready with that contract.
You'd better be right.
And don't go away.
I wouldn't dream of it.
Come in.
Somebody sick? What? Oh, forget it.
Thank you.
Please sit down.
I see you have a new bodyguard.
I should be careful what I say to him.
Why? Although I may seem indifferent, I'm very concerned that two of my fellow countrymen died protecting me.
Well, I'm glad of that, but where does he fit in? He was present on both occasions.
Why have you asked me round? Oh, uh, I hate being alone.
One way or another, you've had a pretty bad time lately.
Well, there are compensations.
Ah, ah, ah.
Never mix business with pleasure.
Business? Yes, I think this is about the moment.
Right.
You're supposed to be fixing me up with a tour.
- Who told you this? - A friend.
You're supposed to be fixing me up with a tour of the Balkans, singing.
(laughs) Well, my dear Venus, I'm afraid your friend has misinformed you.
- I'm not an impresario.
- You're not? No, of course not.
I'm afraid your friend has made a mistake.
You're dead right he's made a mistake.
And I'm going to see about it now.
Oh, please.
Please don't go.
Look, we're obviously all under some sort of misunderstanding.
Oh, please, please.
What does it matter? I enjoy so much being with you.
And in any case, I'll be going home soon.
Well, I want to go to rehearsal.
Please.
Please, just for today? Incidentally, you-you mentioned a tour.
Well, strangely enough, that's exactly what I was considering just before you came in.
Have you ever been to Switzerland? Not recently.
Well, I have to go there for a few days just for some financial matters, and then I want to go to Monte Carlo, Venice, Palm Springs.
I want to go to all the most exciting holiday resorts in the world, and I want you to come with me.
Me? But are you sure? I mean, there must be so many other girls in your life.
I want you to come with me.
Yes, but, I mean You don't have to decide now.
I shall order tea, and then I'd like to take you out for the evening.
Let's see if my new bodyguard can make tea as well as his predecessors.
(laughs) Well.
It seems our Mr.
Steed is not such an efficient watchdog after all.
You know you have to have a license to carry guns here? - I have one.
- (chuckles) You wanted to see me about something? Yeah, if you want to bump off Yakob Borb, why not do it in your own country? Is he too popular there or is it some kind of personal vendetta? I've arranged for you to be arrested as soon as you leave the building.
You couldn't hold me.
I know.
You can go as soon as Borb leaves the country.
We're not interested in him after that.
You ready? You don't think I am going to walk out of the building and be arrested? Please yourself.
Stay here if you want.
You won't be allowed to leave it.
Steed.
If I wanted to kill Yakob Borb, I could have done it a dozen times over.
But you had to get rid of his bodyguards first, eh? His guards.
They were employed by me.
They took their instructions only from me.
- What sort of instructions? - Oh, that doesn't concern you.
Now, look, can't you start trusting me? You just told me I was trying to kill Borb.
I had to force you out of your shell.
Now, why'd you put those guards on Borb? To keep him from escaping.
He got tired of his post about 12 months ago, and he's been looking for a chance to escape ever since.
Couldn't he just resign? No, I can't see Yakob Borb playing the rich playboy in our country.
No, to do that, he would have to come to the West.
He might even do it.
He can always apply for political asylum.
I don't think he'll have much opportunity.
- Why not? - He's too well-guarded.
Still? Still.
- Ito?! - Yes? I must say I like your idea of taking me out for the evening.
I'm terribly sorry.
It won't take long.
Just a little business to conclude.
Ah, Ito.
Venus, I'd like you to meet a very good friend of mine.
Ito, from the old days.
Once, we shared a prison cell together.
Oh.
Uh, would you see to the chauffeur, please? Yes.
Excuse me.
Oof! Hey, what's the big idea? Please, don't be alarmed.
Ito won't hurt him.
But what has he done wrong? He was being paid by my ambassador to spy on me.
Look, do you mind telling me what's going on? Before I do would you give me an answer to the question I asked you this afternoon? - Will you come with me? - But it's not as easy as that.
I thought you'd care for me.
Well, I do.
I really do now that I've got to know you, but - Why do you hesitate? - Just that it's all so sudden.
For a start, I haven't got a passport.
Mrs.
Jacob Smith? And Mr.
Jacob Smith.
Uh, I took the liberty of borrowing your surname.
Yes, but where did you get this? It's even got my photo in it.
Ooh, we have a facility for this type of thing at the embassy.
Look, Mr.
Borb, before we go any further with this, I don't know what the customs are like in your Before you go any further, I have booked two seats on a plane leaving for Geneva in two hours and two suites booked on arrival Yes, now that's In different hotels.
Um, I am also providing you with a little spending money, so you can always come back if you want to.
Now what do you say? I should have to phone my landlady and cancel the milk.
Please do.
The phone is in the office.
Ito will show you the way.
- If you please.
- This way.
But I don't have any clothes.
I shall buy you the most expensive outfit in Geneva.
Miss Venus.
We seem to have lost him in spite of your guards.
I should never have left the embassy.
Neither should you.
He'll be at the airport, first plane to Switzerland.
If so, the new chauffeur will phone me.
There is a radio telephone in the car.
- Let's hope he gets the chance.
- (telephone rings) Yep.
Uh-huh.
I'll be there in a few minutes.
No need to worry.
He's at the Baths round the corner.
If you don't mind, you'll stay here.
Oh, thank you.
- Did you get through? - Yes, thank you.
How long will it be before he gets here? Before who gets here? - Your friend Steed.
- (gasps) I exactly the same trouble with the other young lady, the one that had the "accident," only she used to report to my ambassador.
Why should I want to report on you? Now we shall just have to wait for Mr.
Steed.
What do you want him for? When you're trying to shake off a bodyguard, the first essential is to know where he is.
Otherwise you can't be sure if you have shaken him off.
How do you know I won't scream all the way to the plane? Because I shall be beside you all the way.
This is what we call a nerve spot.
There are a dozen others on your body I can reach in less than a second.
With any one of them I can render you senseless before you can even cry out.
You see? Ah, it's Mr.
Steed.
We were expecting you! You'll have to come and get me, Mr.
Steed.
If that's what you want.
(screams) (grunts) (grunting) Oof! No! Thanks, Harry.
Thanks for the call.
All right.
Oh, my knee! - I demand asylum! - That's fine.
We can charge you with triple murder.
In that case, I-I demand to be returned to my own country.
I don't think that will help you much more.
Your countrymen are not gonna be very pleased when they find that you have embezzled £10 million for your own use.
Stepan: Yakob.
Is that true? I negotiated it! Without me, there would have been no loan! No, Yakob! No! You know what I must do now.
If I don't, somebody else will, and I don't want that to happen.
(gunshots) Get to your feet, Harry.
Please take him out of here.
And call the police on the way out.
(groans) Good thing I came along, eh? How did you know we were here? I had Harry tailing you.
He phoned me at the embassy.
I thought you might not get a chance to phone.
But I did.
I phoned my landlady.
Your landlady? To stop the milk.
I'm sorry it didn't work out.
Are you? You knew from the start it would never work out, that there was going to be no tour, no contract.
You left me alone with this man that was a I've said I'm sorry.
All right, but don't do it again.
Well, as if I would.
(theme music playing)
Can't it wait till the morning? Yes.
I think I found out what you want to know.
Borb became quite confidential, but we better not discuss it on the phone.
I'll meet you in the morning, all right? Goodbye.
(gasps) - (screams) - (grunts) - Mr.
Steed? - Yes.
I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
That's all right.
Man: Come in.
(door opens) Excellency, this is Mr.
Steed.
To what do I owe the pleasure? The British are naturally very anxious about your security while you are here in London.
- That's very decent of them.
- Not at all.
Not long ago your newspapers were calling me the Balkan Bandit.
It's pleasant to see you're now concerned about my welfare.
We have an obligation to look after you while you're on British territory.
This embassy is Balkan territory even though it is in the royal borough of Kensington.
Mr.
Steed is particularly concerned about the death of the young lady.
Yes.
So am I.
She was a very attractive girl.
Your ambassador tells me that she was your private secretary.
(chuckles) My ambassador is becoming an expert at Western diplomacy.
She was staying here, I believe.
Yes, she had one of the residential flats upstairs.
That's where the accident occurred.
You're quite sure it was an accident? I was given to understand that she slipped as she was getting out of the shower and broke her neck.
Isn't that what happened, Stepan? That is what we assume happened, Excellency.
Then I don't think there is any cause for alarm.
I shouldn't like a similar accident to happen to you.
Thank you.
I am very well-protected.
I shall use my ambassador here as a demonstration.
Stepan, reach into your pocket for your wallet.
I'm sure Mr.
Steed does not need convincing.
Do as I say, Stepan.
(laughs) Break! Ha-ha.
And, uh, Stepan here is my brother-in-law.
My watchdogs arrived this morning, and while I'm here they will guard me night and day, won't they, Stepan? Mr.
Steed, I hope His Excellency does not give the impression we are not anxious to cooperate on the question of security.
Whether you're anxious or not, I must give him maximum security in this country.
I will cooperate as much as I can, but His Excellency is a difficult person to protect.
(chuckles) Stepan, before I forget, uh, get me another private secretary.
Uh, you know my requirements.
Your duties as ambassador seem to be rather varied.
Yes, they are.
Woman: You've got me in your clutches And I can't get free You're getting to be a habit with me Every kiss, every hug Seems to act just like a drug You're getting to be a habit with me Let me stay in your arms I'm addicted to your charms You're getting to be a habit with me I used to think your love was something that I could take Or leave alone But now I couldn't do without my supply I need you For my own No, I can't break away I must have you every day As regularly as coffee or tea (piano flourish) You've got me in your clutches And I can't get free What can I do? I'm hooked on you 'Cause you're getting to be a habit With Me.
(music stops) (jazz music plays) Well, hello.
- That was very nice.
- Thank you.
With pleasure.
May I have a word with you? - Me? - Yes.
Oh.
How are you? - I'm fine.
- Good.
You fancy a tour? - That's very kind of you.
- No, I mean a singing tour.
- Are you serious? - All the main halls.
- Really? What's the billing? - Solo.
- Where? - The Balkans.
The Balkans.
Huh.
Who's promoting it, you? - No, Yakob Borb.
- Sounds like a beat poet.
What's the fee? By arrangement.
When would he want me to start this tour? As soon as you can talk him into it.
Oh, charming.
Thank you and good night.
Hey, no, wait a minute.
It's not like that.
No? Well, if it's on the level, you have a word with my agent.
- There are reasons I can't do that.
- Yes, I'll bet there are.
Borb's a very important man.
International reputation.
You might say a member of the international set.
Such as who? Had lunch with the Prime Minister last week.
Few months ago, entertained at the White House.
Christmas in the Kremlin.
I like your dress.
Well, how come he's interested in me? Well, he's not at the moment.
Oh, great.
But I can affect an introduction.
The rest is up to you.
Where's that young lady? Do I get a proper contract? Of course, but don't let's rush it.
We may not know if he likes you yet.
By the way, he's the minister for film production.
Last year one of his country's pictures won a Venice award.
I don't want to rush you.
I'm sure that Borb will have no trouble in finding talent.
My dear, you look more beautiful than ever.
- Thank you and keep the change.
- Thank you.
Steed: Hmm? Well, I suppose there's no harm in seeing the man.
I'll arrange it for tomorrow morning.
- How's that? - That's very sweet of you.
No, I mean, how about tomorrow morning? - Mm? All right.
- Oh, good.
The Balkan embassy, Kensington, 10:30.
Yeah, just a minute.
What am I supposed to do for this Borb character? I mean, what numbers go down in the Balkans? - Folk songs? - He'll tell you what he wants.
Just chat him up a bit.
You know how to do that.
- Don't mention my name.
- As if I would.
Anything else? Yeah, you better not mention business at first.
Encourage him to talk, you know.
And let me know all the details.
Yeah, and don't tell me, hmm? You'll be in touch.
Yes.
Good night, my dear.
(men grunting) (speaking foreign language) - (knock on door) - Come in! Excellency, you have not forgotten you have a conference this morning? - I don't have to leave for another 10 minutes.
- I know, Excellency.
I wanted to make sure you and your delegation were not late.
If you mean these two apes, they'll be ready when they finish their morning exercise.
Break! Excellency, I must point out that the embassy apartments are hardly the place for this type of display.
It is I who decides what the embassy shall be used for.
Now get out! (grunts in pain) Oh, idiot.
Idiot.
Anything else you wanted, Ambassador? Yes, Excellency, there is a young lady who has called.
A Miss Venus Smith.
Good.
Bring her in.
Stepan: His Excellency will see you now.
Thank you, Ambassador.
I'm sorry.
I seem to have come at playtime.
Oh, please don't mind them.
They're just my bodyguards.
I don't see how they can do much bodyguarding in that position.
You'd be surprised how quickly they come if they try.
(groans) - Who won? - No one wins.
This is just a friendly bout.
Uh, this, actually, is the champion, Georgi.
Hi, Georgi.
I want Georgi to wrestle over here in England.
I'm trying to arrange a bout for him with one of your champions.
Perhaps the Butcher of Islington.
It will help to promote good relations between our two countries, don't you think? Oh, yes.
I'm sure it'll do just that, yes.
Yeah.
All right, boys, get dressed.
You notice they only get dressed one at a time.
- Are they shy? - (chuckles) No, just obedient.
Their instructions are that I must not be left without a guard even for one moment.
Wouldn't it be cheaper to get a dog? (laughs) I'm inclined to agree with you, but my ambassador doesn't think so.
Please let me take your coat.
Thank you.
I see you have no hidden weapons.
What a nice place you've got here.
Please make yourself comfortable.
- Would you like a drink? - Oh, no, thank you.
Not before an audition.
It affects my breathing.
I beg your pardon? Perhaps you don't want to hear me sing at this stage.
Hear you sing? Why, yes, of course.
I would love to hear you sing at any time.
I wasn't sure.
I didn't bring my pianist.
- You didn't? - No, but I've got him on Oh, I wouldn't bother.
I wouldn't bother.
If you like, we'll just, uh, sit and talk.
Okay.
That suits me.
Well, I suppose you want to know something about my experience.
I think that would be most exciting.
- (knock on door) - Well, I I'm sorry to interrupt, Excellency, but you will be late for the conference.
All right, I'm coming.
I'm terribly sorry, Miss, uh? Smith.
Oh, that's quite all right.
Don't let me hold you up.
Uh, please regard this suite as your own while I'm away.
That's very nice of you, but I ought to be running along anyway.
I've got some shopping to do.
If you care to give your shopping list to your chauffeur, he'll see that it gets done for you.
My chauffeur? Since when did I have a chauffeur? You'll use one of mine and an embassy limousine for the duration of your contract.
You mean I'm engaged? - Yes.
- But you haven't Please ring if you want anything else.
Woman: Your attention, please.
The conference will begin in 10 minutes.
(repeating announcement in Italian) An excellent conference, don't you think, Mr.
Steed? Yes, as conferences go.
Yakob Borb was in superb form.
I must say nothing seems to worry him.
He's the most fearless man I've ever met.
Everywhere in the world, wherever he goes, he's in danger of assassination.
- No one trusts him.
- Hmm.
This very morning he has been in there negotiating £100 million worth of economic aid from the West in exchange for a few of our naval bases.
Yet even now your foreign office suspects that in a year's time he will offer the same bases to another power for another 100 million.
Will he? Well, he may have no alternative.
If we are to remain neutral, we must be fair to both sides.
Quite a problem, isn't it? International blackmail.
That's a dangerous game.
Ah, blackmail, Mr.
Steed? We are offered the aid.
You could always refuse it.
Yakob Borb would never refuse money.
- (chuckles) No.
- That's not for us to judge.
We merely have to see that nobody thinks it would be cheaper to get rid of His Excellency.
After all, for all anyone knows, you might be his intended assassin.
Or you.
Yes.
By the way, did you get him a new private secretary? Yes, someone came who seems to be suitable.
- She's at the embassy now.
- Good.
Well, I hope she's enjoying herself.
Oh, good.
Now perhaps we can get somewhere.
Would you mind telling your boss I want to see him here now, understand? Look, give him a message.
I want to get out of here.
I've got things to do.
I don't care about the job.
- Look - (telephone rings) Oh, go away.
- Hello.
- Steed: May I speak to Miss Smith, please? - Oh, it's you at last.
- How's it going? How's it going? What is this, a white slave kick or something? They've got me locked up in here, a goon outside the door.
- Oh, no, it's your imagination.
- Imagination? I'd have smashed a window and jumped out except that it's four stories high.
- Now keep calm.
- Keep calm? If I finish up in a harem, I'm going to sue you - A harem? - And another thing.
Haven't they got any baths in this place? Baths? What do you mean, baths? He rang me up half an hour ago and said he wants me to go to the public baths with him tonight.
Public baths? Well, what public baths? - East Paddington or something.
- Oh, East Paddington.
Go along like a good little girl.
I'll be right behind you.
Bye.
Look, if he turns out to be a (slams receiver down) What do you want now, a biscuit? (chatter) (music playing over loudspeaker) I'm very sorry.
May I? I think that's my seat.
- Oh, yes.
- Terribly sorry.
Thank you very much.
Oh, dearie me.
'Ey, you're sittin' on me coat.
- Oh, I'm frightfully sorry.
- Thank you.
It's a beautiful one, too.
I mean Can I help? Oh, I've dropped your program.
It's not really my day, I'm afraid.
- Oh, thank you.
- There we go.
- I can't.
I simply can't.
- Oh.
That's fine.
You can buy one for sixpence, you know.
I think they ought to be free.
- You what? - There aren't any left.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, well, it's all right.
- You can have it.
- Can I really? Thank you.
They're probably all wrong.
They usually are.
Really? (man clears throat) (man #2, indistinct) Steed: Thank you, madam.
- Hi.
Hello.
Hello.
- Oh, it's you.
Well, I'm glad somebody got here.
- Well, is that your seat? - Yes.
- Where is he? - Who, Borb? I don't know.
He and one of his goons went separately by taxi.
He insisted I came in his car.
I don't know why.
- Excuse me.
- Do you mind? - I'm having a conversation.
- Do you mind? Oh, now look here.
You can't treat a young Yes? Excuse me.
Make way, please.
(cheering and whistling) Ladies and gentlemen! (crowd shouts) Ladies and gentlemen, for the first bout this evening there will be an alteration in your program.
(crowd booing) - You know, this is a sign.
- Yes.
The Butcher of Islington is unfortunately indisposed.
Crowd: Oh-hh! However, we have been most fortunate in being able to secure for you at very short notice the undefeated heavyweight champion of the Balkans, one of the president's personal bodyguards, Gorgon, Wildebeest of the Balkans! (crowd shouting and booing) - Get to your corner.
- Man: Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(announcer continues, indistinct) - Hey, that's Georgi.
- Great big Balkan burke.
Is Borb going into the promoting business? (crowd shouting and booing) (trumpet fanfare plays) - What in - Hooray! In Pete's name's a Decapod? Ten tentacles with fish fingers.
It's like a lobster, you know.
(crowd shouts) Man: Oh, let him go! - Man #2: Come over here.
- Come on now.
That's right.
- Man #3: Tear his mask off! - Man #4: Take his mask off! (crowd shouting) (announcer shouting, indistinct) Oh, you mean poor old Georgi's gonna fight that gob? - I beg your pardon? - Is he a favorite of yours? - He's me old man.
- Your father? Me husband.
(announcer, crowd shouting) (crowd boos and cheers) Leave him alone, you brute! Don't worry.
They're not really hurting one another.
Are you sure? Man: Oh! I've never seen him like this before! Harry! Stop it! Harry! You've killed him! Harry! (crowd booing) What's happened? What did they say? Police have gone.
He got away.
Must have been a car waiting for him or got into a taxi.
If you don't mind my asking, Mr.
, uh - Steed.
- Steed.
What is your interest, anyway? My interest was in the other one.
The Balkan boy.
You are his manager? More or less.
I'm very sorry about your boy.
He shouldn't have done that.
I've never known the Decapod to behave like that.
I just don't know why he did it.
- Perhaps Mrs.
, uh - His real name was Ramsden.
Perhaps Mrs.
Ramsden can help us.
I don't know where he is, and that's the gospel truth.
Does he often lose his temper? Lose his temper? Harry was as gentle as a lamb.
Do many of your boys practice judo? Judo? The death chop is no part of judo.
It comes from what we call karate, the ancient samurai art of killing.
- That blow is illegal, isn't it? Even in Japan.
- Yes.
So your Harry knew what he was doing when he killed Georgi.
My Harry never practiced judo.
I've never seen him like that before.
I don't care what either of you say.
Don't believe he'd deliberately kill anyone.
Try not to worry, Mrs.
Ra Yes, I'm coming.
Mrs.
Ramsden, if Harry turns up here, I will look after him.
- Excuse me.
- Mm-hmm.
Look, if you find Harry, let me know.
You can trust me.
- What do you want with him? - I think I can help him.
You can get me via this club.
If I'm not there, ask for a Miss Venus Smith.
- Man: Mr.
Steed? - Okay? - (knock on door) - Come in.
Well? Uh, Venus.
How nice to see you again.
I've been trying to find you all day.
Then of course I remembered you said you're working in a club.
I got the message.
And, uh, where have you been all day? Where have I been? What happened to you last night? You asked me to meet you at this Bear Pit place, and then you don't show up.
I really am very, very sorry.
You do know what happened, I suppose? To Georgi? Yes.
It must have been a fantastic fight.
Just how many bodyguards do you get through in a week? Believe me, I am very sorry for Georgi.
Oh, yes, I can see that.
It's difficult to explain.
Oh, come now, Venus.
Let's talk about more pleasant things.
I have a surprise for you.
You want me to fight the Butcher of Islington? (laughs) No, no.
I have a present for you.
I had them flown in this morning from my own nurseries especially for you.
- But they're beautiful.
- I thought you'd like them.
Perhaps you better save them for poor old Georgi's funeral.
Oh, there are plenty more.
Please accept them.
All right.
How am I going to get them home? I shall have them taken straight to your flat upstairs.
What flat upstairs? I think it will be much more convenient if you lived in the embassy, don't you think? Really, I only live a bus ride away.
Thank you all the same.
(chuckles) I take it he does double duty now? Yes, for a few days until my ambassador replaces Georgi.
Please sit down.
Would you like a drink? Oh, no, thank you.
My breathing.
Oh, yes, of course.
You sing.
That's right.
I must come down to your club and hear you some evening.
- Come tonight if you like.
- I should love to.
Perhaps you would allow me to take you out to dinner - first of all, hmm? - And be stood up again? What happened last night? I'm afraid you might find it a bit difficult to believe.
You can always try.
I've heard most excuses.
Well, I had a warning at the last moment that something was going to happen at the Baths.
- What sort of warning? - Just a voice on the telephone that told me to keep away and then rung off.
Why didn't you warn Georgi to stay away as well? There was no time.
In any case, I didn't think he was in any danger.
But the interesting thing is that apart from Ito, the wrestling promoter, only my two bodyguards and yourself knew I was going to the Baths last night.
Uh, they don't speak English and that only leaves you.
Leaves me to what? To tell someone I was going to the Baths last night.
Did you? I don't think so, but if I did, I didn't know there was any harm in it.
Well, now, you see how careful one has to be? Wh-what time is your show this evening? Oh, not till 11:00.
Well, I suggest we go and find a nice quiet restaurant and enjoy ourselves.
What do you say? Only if you're quite sure it's safe to go out.
I'm quite sure no one would want to harm you.
In any case, we still have one faithful watchdog left.
According to the pathologist's report on Georgi, his neck injuries were almost exactly the same as those found on that girl, the one who, uh, slipped in the shower.
Oh, yes? So I think it's safe to assume that the same person killed them both.
- I'd already assumed that.
- Oh.
I say, who was that poor girl phoning just before she was killed? How do you know she was phoning anyone? After you left, I took a little surveying look around the embassy.
There were traces of soap on the telephone.
Then you checked with the switchboard.
Ah-hh.
Yes.
There were no external calls at that time, so it must have been internal and didn't come through the switchboard.
Difficult to trace.
Mm-hmm.
Let's look at it another way.
There was first the girl, then a bodyguard, but no one's had a go at Borb.
What are they trying to do, isolate him so he's easier to assassinate? - Maybe just a warning.
- A warning? To force him to walk out of the conference.
- Mm.
- Either way, it will be all the same to Borb.
It will just amuse him.
He's got a heightened sense of fun.
That has only come in recent years.
Up until then, he was a dedicated revolutionary with a fine sense of responsibility.
But power corrupts.
Absolute power, yes.
What's this obsession with, uh, with wrestling, eh? Once when he was in jail that was before we came to power He shared a cell with a wrestler and became an aficionado, and he's kept it up ever since.
Woman (over P.
A.
): Calling Mr.
Steed.
Calling Mr.
Steed.
Mr.
Steed is wanted Excuse me.
I must go back to the embassy myself and wipe my telephone.
(laughs) (jazz music playing) - Hello.
Steed.
- Oh, there you are.
Look, I thought you promised to stick around.
- Why? What's the matter? - Nothing's the matter yet.
It's just that whenever I go out with Borb, I'm nervous.
- Borb? Where is he? - He's here with me in the club.
Oh-oh, here's laughing boy.
Look, I've got to get back.
You'd better get down here.
Someone wants to talk to you.
- Who is it? - A friend of yours.
Female.
(whistles) Come on, boy.
Heel.
(applause) - Thank you, sir.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Well, hello.
You all right? - All right.
- Good.
You wanted to see me.
Come in here round the back.
I say, Cloaks, what time does the cabaret start? Mrs.
Ramsden: 1:00, sir.
Oh, good show.
I thought we might have missed it.
You're new here, aren't you? Yes, sir.
(conversation continues, indistinct) - I'm Harry Ramsden.
- Oh, the Decapod.
Aye.
Edna said you wanted to see me.
Yeah, I want you to do something for me.
Do what? How much did Ito pay you to kill the Balkan? I don't know what you're talking about.
I'll pay you double to do the same thing for me.
- To - Yes, to kill somebody.
Put him down, Harry.
Told you, you can trust him.
He never killed anyone.
He wasn't even there last night.
- Shut up.
- Just as I thought.
- If it wasn't you, who was it? - Go on.
Tell him, Harry.
I don't know.
I never saw a bloke.
I was just told to keep me mouth shut and keep out of the way till it were all over.
I told him to go to the police.
Man: I say, Cloaks, any service? (softly) How long have you known Ito, Harry? Well, ever since he first come over here.
I were one of the first wrestlers he signed up.
Where'd he come from, Japan? No, he hadn't been in Japan since before the war.
He were in I forget now.
Somewhere t'other side of Europe.
- The Balkans? - Ah, that's right.
- He run a gym there one time.
- How much did Ito pay you for a fight? - 'Bout £6.
- And how often did you fight? Once a week, sometimes twice.
- Not much to keep a wife on.
- Well, we're regular.
How old are you, Harry? There's a lot of blokes as old as me still doing all right.
Uh, uh, just a minute.
Edna said you might be able to do something for me.
- Where are you staying? - She knows.
I'll be in touch.
Oh, don't worry, luv.
(music begins) Never treats me Sweet and gentle The way he should I got it bad And that ain't good My poor heart is sentimental Not made of wood I got it bad And that ain't good But when the weekend's over And Monday rolls around I end up Like I start out Just cryin' My heart out Lord above me Make him love me The way that he should I got it bad And that Ain't Good.
I'm so glad you've turned up.
I'll take you to see Edna.
I've already seen her.
Thanks for giving her a job.
Oh, think nothing of it.
What about mine? Well, you're fine.
He looked enraptured.
Get straight back to him.
Strike while the iron is hot.
Fine.
He was so enraptured, he's left.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Edna? (strikes bell) Edna? - What's happened? - Look, where have you been? In the club.
What's happened to him? Shall I get an ambulance? Don't worry about that.
Get the police.
Go on.
Szarko.
He's here.
I sent him to get my coat.
I waited so long, I came to see why.
Well, he's the last of your bodyguards.
I think I'd better see you home.
Yes.
And, uh, so with the acceptance by the Western delegates of this final clause relating to terms of payment That is to say the transference of £10 million in sterling into a Swiss bank for immediate use in making European purchases I am very pleased to say that we are now ready to sign the agreement without any further reservation.
(applause) Good job, then.
Congratulations.
Thank you, Mr.
Steed.
You drove a hard bargain on that final clause.
£10 million in cash? I have a responsibility to my country.
Credit transfers are all very well, but when I negotiate a contract, I like to get as much as possible in cash.
It's safer that way, don't you think? You're signing the agreement this afternoon? Yes.
Your foreign office has rushed it through.
They seem rather anxious to get rid of me.
- I'm sure you will be, too.
- I don't know.
Rather dull without you.
You going home tonight? His Excellency prefers to travel by day.
He will leave tomorrow morning.
Yes.
It will give me a few hours to enjoy your beautiful city.
I'll be happy to show you around.
Thank you.
I have a good guide book.
I'll be with you just the same.
Really? Am I to understand that you are taking over the role of my personal bodyguard? That's right, until your plane leaves.
- You think I'm still in danger? - Yes.
Oh.
In that case, we shall be very careful.
Won't we, Stepan? (humming to melody) Cool it.
Hi, Edna.
Could I see you for a minute? Sure.
Won't be a moment, Dave.
- What is it? - It's my Harry.
I knew where he was supposed to be stayin' last night, - and he never went back.
- Last night? But Yes.
He was there just before that fella got killed, and he never went back.
Look, don't you think you'd better go for the police? I don't know.
I just don't know anymore.
He were a good wrestler.
He were champion in the north till the young ones came along, and then they didn't want him anymore.
Then this fellow Ito signed him up, and he was so grateful.
- He'd do anything for him.
- Well, Edna, I'd like to help I thought perhaps your friend would help.
- I'm sure he will if he can.
- If he could find him before the police do, before he gets into any more trouble, that's all I want.
- I'll talk to him.
- Excuse me.
Venus, you're wanted on the phone, darling.
All right.
Don't worry.
He'll show up.
- Who is it, Dave? - Your boyfriend.
Oh.
Ah, Venus, how nice to hear your voice again.
Are you engaged at the moment? Oh, I'm sure rehearsals can wait.
I can explain all that.
Please.
Listen, I have so little time here in London.
That's better.
I shall send my car round for you.
I recognize those legs.
I've been looking for you all afternoon.
(whispers) Shh.
What's wrong? What's wrong? Did you know that Harry Ramsden was at the club last night? - Yes, I did.
- You did? I've just been talking to his wife.
- He's disappeared again.
- Yeah, I thought he'd do that.
Is that what's worrying you? Of course that's what's worrying me.
It's dangerous, isn't it, with him out on the loose? Might be me that gets bumped off next.
- I've got my eye on you.
- (sighs) - Hey.
- Hmm? Don't be rough on Borb.
He's just about ready with that contract.
You'd better be right.
And don't go away.
I wouldn't dream of it.
Come in.
Somebody sick? What? Oh, forget it.
Thank you.
Please sit down.
I see you have a new bodyguard.
I should be careful what I say to him.
Why? Although I may seem indifferent, I'm very concerned that two of my fellow countrymen died protecting me.
Well, I'm glad of that, but where does he fit in? He was present on both occasions.
Why have you asked me round? Oh, uh, I hate being alone.
One way or another, you've had a pretty bad time lately.
Well, there are compensations.
Ah, ah, ah.
Never mix business with pleasure.
Business? Yes, I think this is about the moment.
Right.
You're supposed to be fixing me up with a tour.
- Who told you this? - A friend.
You're supposed to be fixing me up with a tour of the Balkans, singing.
(laughs) Well, my dear Venus, I'm afraid your friend has misinformed you.
- I'm not an impresario.
- You're not? No, of course not.
I'm afraid your friend has made a mistake.
You're dead right he's made a mistake.
And I'm going to see about it now.
Oh, please.
Please don't go.
Look, we're obviously all under some sort of misunderstanding.
Oh, please, please.
What does it matter? I enjoy so much being with you.
And in any case, I'll be going home soon.
Well, I want to go to rehearsal.
Please.
Please, just for today? Incidentally, you-you mentioned a tour.
Well, strangely enough, that's exactly what I was considering just before you came in.
Have you ever been to Switzerland? Not recently.
Well, I have to go there for a few days just for some financial matters, and then I want to go to Monte Carlo, Venice, Palm Springs.
I want to go to all the most exciting holiday resorts in the world, and I want you to come with me.
Me? But are you sure? I mean, there must be so many other girls in your life.
I want you to come with me.
Yes, but, I mean You don't have to decide now.
I shall order tea, and then I'd like to take you out for the evening.
Let's see if my new bodyguard can make tea as well as his predecessors.
(laughs) Well.
It seems our Mr.
Steed is not such an efficient watchdog after all.
You know you have to have a license to carry guns here? - I have one.
- (chuckles) You wanted to see me about something? Yeah, if you want to bump off Yakob Borb, why not do it in your own country? Is he too popular there or is it some kind of personal vendetta? I've arranged for you to be arrested as soon as you leave the building.
You couldn't hold me.
I know.
You can go as soon as Borb leaves the country.
We're not interested in him after that.
You ready? You don't think I am going to walk out of the building and be arrested? Please yourself.
Stay here if you want.
You won't be allowed to leave it.
Steed.
If I wanted to kill Yakob Borb, I could have done it a dozen times over.
But you had to get rid of his bodyguards first, eh? His guards.
They were employed by me.
They took their instructions only from me.
- What sort of instructions? - Oh, that doesn't concern you.
Now, look, can't you start trusting me? You just told me I was trying to kill Borb.
I had to force you out of your shell.
Now, why'd you put those guards on Borb? To keep him from escaping.
He got tired of his post about 12 months ago, and he's been looking for a chance to escape ever since.
Couldn't he just resign? No, I can't see Yakob Borb playing the rich playboy in our country.
No, to do that, he would have to come to the West.
He might even do it.
He can always apply for political asylum.
I don't think he'll have much opportunity.
- Why not? - He's too well-guarded.
Still? Still.
- Ito?! - Yes? I must say I like your idea of taking me out for the evening.
I'm terribly sorry.
It won't take long.
Just a little business to conclude.
Ah, Ito.
Venus, I'd like you to meet a very good friend of mine.
Ito, from the old days.
Once, we shared a prison cell together.
Oh.
Uh, would you see to the chauffeur, please? Yes.
Excuse me.
Oof! Hey, what's the big idea? Please, don't be alarmed.
Ito won't hurt him.
But what has he done wrong? He was being paid by my ambassador to spy on me.
Look, do you mind telling me what's going on? Before I do would you give me an answer to the question I asked you this afternoon? - Will you come with me? - But it's not as easy as that.
I thought you'd care for me.
Well, I do.
I really do now that I've got to know you, but - Why do you hesitate? - Just that it's all so sudden.
For a start, I haven't got a passport.
Mrs.
Jacob Smith? And Mr.
Jacob Smith.
Uh, I took the liberty of borrowing your surname.
Yes, but where did you get this? It's even got my photo in it.
Ooh, we have a facility for this type of thing at the embassy.
Look, Mr.
Borb, before we go any further with this, I don't know what the customs are like in your Before you go any further, I have booked two seats on a plane leaving for Geneva in two hours and two suites booked on arrival Yes, now that's In different hotels.
Um, I am also providing you with a little spending money, so you can always come back if you want to.
Now what do you say? I should have to phone my landlady and cancel the milk.
Please do.
The phone is in the office.
Ito will show you the way.
- If you please.
- This way.
But I don't have any clothes.
I shall buy you the most expensive outfit in Geneva.
Miss Venus.
We seem to have lost him in spite of your guards.
I should never have left the embassy.
Neither should you.
He'll be at the airport, first plane to Switzerland.
If so, the new chauffeur will phone me.
There is a radio telephone in the car.
- Let's hope he gets the chance.
- (telephone rings) Yep.
Uh-huh.
I'll be there in a few minutes.
No need to worry.
He's at the Baths round the corner.
If you don't mind, you'll stay here.
Oh, thank you.
- Did you get through? - Yes, thank you.
How long will it be before he gets here? Before who gets here? - Your friend Steed.
- (gasps) I exactly the same trouble with the other young lady, the one that had the "accident," only she used to report to my ambassador.
Why should I want to report on you? Now we shall just have to wait for Mr.
Steed.
What do you want him for? When you're trying to shake off a bodyguard, the first essential is to know where he is.
Otherwise you can't be sure if you have shaken him off.
How do you know I won't scream all the way to the plane? Because I shall be beside you all the way.
This is what we call a nerve spot.
There are a dozen others on your body I can reach in less than a second.
With any one of them I can render you senseless before you can even cry out.
You see? Ah, it's Mr.
Steed.
We were expecting you! You'll have to come and get me, Mr.
Steed.
If that's what you want.
(screams) (grunts) (grunting) Oof! No! Thanks, Harry.
Thanks for the call.
All right.
Oh, my knee! - I demand asylum! - That's fine.
We can charge you with triple murder.
In that case, I-I demand to be returned to my own country.
I don't think that will help you much more.
Your countrymen are not gonna be very pleased when they find that you have embezzled £10 million for your own use.
Stepan: Yakob.
Is that true? I negotiated it! Without me, there would have been no loan! No, Yakob! No! You know what I must do now.
If I don't, somebody else will, and I don't want that to happen.
(gunshots) Get to your feet, Harry.
Please take him out of here.
And call the police on the way out.
(groans) Good thing I came along, eh? How did you know we were here? I had Harry tailing you.
He phoned me at the embassy.
I thought you might not get a chance to phone.
But I did.
I phoned my landlady.
Your landlady? To stop the milk.
I'm sorry it didn't work out.
Are you? You knew from the start it would never work out, that there was going to be no tour, no contract.
You left me alone with this man that was a I've said I'm sorry.
All right, but don't do it again.
Well, as if I would.
(theme music playing)