The End Of The F***ing World (2017) s02e03 Episode Script
Season 2, Episode 3
1 [ALYSSA.]
Why is it that the more you have to say, the harder it is to speak? You should take a shower.
Yeah.
[ALYSSA.]
My heart's beating in my face.
Here you go.
- Thanks.
- Who is he? That's James.
Oh, wow.
I'm gonna finish cashing up.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Have you been following me? Yes.
Did you get one of these? [ALYSSA.]
Shit.
Is that what you came here to tell me? I Yeah.
That's it? Well, don't you think it's a bit sinister? [ALYSSA.]
Not really.
It's probably some dickhead we went to school with.
You shouldn't have come here, James.
[ALYSSA.]
He looks old.
What's wrong with your leg? Nothing.
It's just a bit stiff.
Right.
My dad's dead.
Shit.
Sorry.
- I'm getting married tomorrow.
- I know.
Congratulations.
[ALYSSA.]
Is it bad that it's nice to see him? Yeah, you can't drive that.
I'll get Eric to sort you out tomorrow.
Thanks.
Where are you staying? We'll give you a lift.
Oh, no.
It's fine.
I can walk.
Are you living in your car? Yeah.
[LEIGH.]
You can stay in the cabin.
Toilet's through there.
Is there a shower? There's a lake.
Thank you.
[CELL PHONE BEEPING.]
Eric says he'll drop your car off tomorrow afternoon.
Is there a cash machine nearby? [LEIGH.]
Don't worry about it.
I'll be outside.
I'd invite you to the wedding, but that'd probably be a bit weird.
Yeah.
Bye.
Bye.
James? Yeah? Tomorrow when the car's fixed, you will leave, won't you? Uh Yeah.
You shouldn't have come here.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about your dad.
["A LITTLE BIT OF RAIN" PLAYING.]
If I should leave you Try to remember the good times Warm days filled with sunshine And just a little bit of rain And just a little bit of rain [JAMES.]
I definitely preferred being shot.
[ALYSSA.]
I feel weird.
Really weird.
Try to forget all the bad times Lonely, blue, and sad times And just a little bit of rain [HORN HONKS.]
Oh, my God.
[LEIGH.]
Jesus.
Do you like it? [ALYSSA.]
Sometimes you can choose to not be a dick.
Yes.
Thank you.
[JAMES.]
At first, it felt nice.
Just being near Alyssa again, despite the circumstances.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
But that feeling didn't last.
Mainly because the circumstances were her getting married to someone else.
[UPBEAT TRUMPET MUSIC PLAYING.]
[WHISPERING.]
I am so proud of you.
[ALYSSA.]
It's like being a pony at a show.
Am I making a mistake? What? What are you talking about? Nothing.
[ALYSSA.]
Everyone probably has doubts right now.
I think that's normal.
[UPBEAT TRUMPET MUSIC CONTINUES.]
Good afternoon and a warm welcome to [MOUTHING.]
Do you take Todd Alan King to be your lawful wedded husband? [ALYSSA.]
I can't believe I didn't know his middle name was Alan.
What's that then? It's my dad.
Do you not have a truck? No.
Do you want a lift somewhere? No, you're all right.
[COUNTRY SONG PLAYING.]
Love, won't you listen to my heart [BRAKES SCREECH.]
Darling, can you hear it beating hard? Gonna walk you down a old dirt road Hey.
Let's get out of here.
Okay.
One more time 'Cause you're not the kind to rely on I gave you my love But you threw it away [SONG ENDS.]
[UPBEAT FOLK SONG PLAYING.]
I like potato Want to mash my potato Won't you mash your potato with me? I like potatoes Want to mash your potatoes Will you mash my potatoes for me? I like potatoes Gonna mash your potatoes If you don't like my masher Then I'll see you later I like potatoes Won't you mash your potatoes with me How was the wedding? Yeah, it was fine.
That's good.
[JAMES.]
I was waiting for the right moment to tell Alyssa I loved her.
What? Nothing.
[JAMES.]
I decided to bide my time.
How long have you been living in here? A couple of months.
Yeah, it smells like it.
I like potatoes Want to mash my potatoes Won't you mash your potatoes with me? I like potatoes Want to mash your potatoes Will you mash my potatoes for me So where are we going? - What? - Where do you want to go? I don't know.
I just wanted to leave.
What happened? Look, can we not? I don't want to talk about it, okay? [ALYSSA.]
Being shit runs in my family.
It's in my blood.
Which means I can't help it.
What are you gonna do with your dad? You gonna scatter him or just carry him around like a mascot? I'm gonna scatter him.
Where? [JAMES.]
I had no idea.
It's private.
Are you cold? No.
Are you hungry? Not really.
I am.
Fine.
Congratulations.
- What? - Happy wedding.
We're not married.
- What? - We've actually been to a funeral.
Oh? Sorry.
I just thought I'd get a bit more wear out of this.
[WAITRESS.]
Right.
I'll give you a couple minutes.
[JAMES.]
Alyssa was different.
[ALYSSA.]
What the fuck am I doing here? [JAMES.]
It was like someone had taken her batteries out.
Alyssa? Yeah.
The letter I sent you I'm sorry.
What letter? [JAMES.]
When I realised she might not have got it, it felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest.
Oh, yeah.
That.
[JAMES.]
Which seemed much heavier when it was put back.
I'm really, really sorry.
It was ages ago.
I can't even remember what it said.
[ALYSSA.]
"Dear Alyssa, I don't want to see you again.
Ever.
Because of you, I killed someone.
I can't ever take that back, and it's made me hate you.
So whatever you feel about me, you should know I don't feel it in return.
Please leave me alone.
Sincerely, James.
P.
S.
" Good luck with everything.
Yeah.
Do you maybe want to take that out? No.
[ALYSSA.]
"Because of you, I killed someone.
" [SCREAMING.]
[ALYSSA.]
"I can't ever take that back, and it's made me hate you.
" I'm sorry.
It's fine.
Shut up.
Should we go? We need to pay.
I know.
Shall we still go? You know, if you do a runner, the waiter or waitress usually has to pay out of their tips? Uh, no, I didn't know that.
Yeah, that's true.
We're held responsible.
Right.
Okay.
Were you not gonna pay? Uh No, of course we were.
Keep the change.
Alyssa? Alyssa? - Alyssa? - What? [JAMES.]
I just had to say it.
There would never be a right time.
What? [JAMES.]
I love you.
[ALYSSA.]
I don't want to be here.
[JAMES.]
I love you.
[ALYSSA.]
I don't want to be anywhere.
[JAMES.]
I love you.
I think we should go back.
This is stupid.
Wait.
What? What are we doing, James? Where are we even going? - I don't know.
You came to me.
- I didn't come to you.
You came to me.
You were stalking me.
I was not stalking you, I was watching you.
That's still weird.
But you said you wanted to leave.
Well, now I want to go back.
Why? Because I am married.
What? You did it? I do.
Yes! - Alyssa, wait! - Oh, for fuck's sake! [JAMES.]
No! Hey! Stop! - [ALYSSA.]
Hey! - [JAMES.]
Stop! Brilliant! Oh, no.
Oh, no.
I know it was your home or whatever, but you don't need to cry.
It's just been towed.
What's wrong with you? It's my dad.
Oh, yeah.
Shit.
I am actually a bit cold now.
Thanks.
[JAMES.]
What if they got rid of him? Come on.
Four hundred plus VAT.
What? Shouldn't have parked it there.
I don't understand, there wasn't a sign or anything.
- Yeah, there would have been a sign.
- There wasn't a sign.
There's always a sign.
There fucking wasn't.
Maybe you need glasses.
Maybe you need a better job.
I'm sorry.
Look, we just got married.
We're saving up for our honeymoon.
We don't have a lot of money.
Can you let it go just this one time? It's cash only.
Please, can I just get my dad? - What? - [JAMES.]
He's dead.
He's in the car.
I don't mean his body, his ashes.
His ashes are in the car.
Look, we'll come back with the money, I promise, but for now, can I just get him? He's in the car? - Yeah.
- [MAN.]
So he's safe.
- Well, yeah.
- So when you come back with the money, - he'll be there.
- [JAMES.]
No.
You don't understand.
- Please.
- James.
It's cool.
We'll come back.
What time do you close? - Five.
- Okay.
Come on.
I don't have 400 plus VAT.
- Neither do I.
- Then what are we going to do? We're going to wait till five o'clock.
[JAMES CHUCKLES.]
How did he die, your dad? Heart attack.
Bad diet, no exercise.
Shit.
It's probably how I'll go.
Why did you get married? Because I wanted to.
Okay.
[ALYSSA.]
Because I thought I wanted to.
Because I had to do something so I did that.
Wake me up when it's time.
Okay.
[JAMES.]
On paper, things looked quite bleak for me.
I was a homeless orphan on the run with a married woman.
But no matter how bad life got there was always something good.
You had to focus on the good.
[UPBEAT SONG PLAYING.]
Won't you stay awhile? Come sit next to me On the silver lane In the lost city Feel the solar rays Their velocity [SOFTLY.]
I love you.
- What? - I said, "It's time.
Let's go.
" - [ALYSSA WHISPERS.]
James.
- [JAMES.]
Shit.
They don't even have security.
- He's just put on a jacket.
- [JAMES.]
What do we do? Come on.
["I'M WALKING, BABE" PLAYING.]
I'm walkin', babe Oh, thank God.
Yes, I'm walkin', babe Just a few steps more Sorry.
It's okay.
I can't cut those ones off.
You'll have to drive through them.
- What? - Yeah.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
What the fuck, James? I didn't want to make too much noise.
- Oi! - [ALYSSA.]
Oh, what, not to disturb him? Yeah, nice one.
["I'M WALKING, BABE" CONTINUES.]
[ENGINE REVVING.]
[LAUGHING.]
[JAMES.]
For a moment, it was like old times.
Do you still want to go back? - Alyssa? - We should stop.
- What? - The hitchhiker.
She's a woman.
She's on her own.
What if some weirdo picks her up? Yeah.
Okay.
[ALYSSA.]
You all right? Hi.
Why is it that the more you have to say, the harder it is to speak? You should take a shower.
Yeah.
[ALYSSA.]
My heart's beating in my face.
Here you go.
- Thanks.
- Who is he? That's James.
Oh, wow.
I'm gonna finish cashing up.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Have you been following me? Yes.
Did you get one of these? [ALYSSA.]
Shit.
Is that what you came here to tell me? I Yeah.
That's it? Well, don't you think it's a bit sinister? [ALYSSA.]
Not really.
It's probably some dickhead we went to school with.
You shouldn't have come here, James.
[ALYSSA.]
He looks old.
What's wrong with your leg? Nothing.
It's just a bit stiff.
Right.
My dad's dead.
Shit.
Sorry.
- I'm getting married tomorrow.
- I know.
Congratulations.
[ALYSSA.]
Is it bad that it's nice to see him? Yeah, you can't drive that.
I'll get Eric to sort you out tomorrow.
Thanks.
Where are you staying? We'll give you a lift.
Oh, no.
It's fine.
I can walk.
Are you living in your car? Yeah.
[LEIGH.]
You can stay in the cabin.
Toilet's through there.
Is there a shower? There's a lake.
Thank you.
[CELL PHONE BEEPING.]
Eric says he'll drop your car off tomorrow afternoon.
Is there a cash machine nearby? [LEIGH.]
Don't worry about it.
I'll be outside.
I'd invite you to the wedding, but that'd probably be a bit weird.
Yeah.
Bye.
Bye.
James? Yeah? Tomorrow when the car's fixed, you will leave, won't you? Uh Yeah.
You shouldn't have come here.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about your dad.
["A LITTLE BIT OF RAIN" PLAYING.]
If I should leave you Try to remember the good times Warm days filled with sunshine And just a little bit of rain And just a little bit of rain [JAMES.]
I definitely preferred being shot.
[ALYSSA.]
I feel weird.
Really weird.
Try to forget all the bad times Lonely, blue, and sad times And just a little bit of rain [HORN HONKS.]
Oh, my God.
[LEIGH.]
Jesus.
Do you like it? [ALYSSA.]
Sometimes you can choose to not be a dick.
Yes.
Thank you.
[JAMES.]
At first, it felt nice.
Just being near Alyssa again, despite the circumstances.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
But that feeling didn't last.
Mainly because the circumstances were her getting married to someone else.
[UPBEAT TRUMPET MUSIC PLAYING.]
[WHISPERING.]
I am so proud of you.
[ALYSSA.]
It's like being a pony at a show.
Am I making a mistake? What? What are you talking about? Nothing.
[ALYSSA.]
Everyone probably has doubts right now.
I think that's normal.
[UPBEAT TRUMPET MUSIC CONTINUES.]
Good afternoon and a warm welcome to [MOUTHING.]
Do you take Todd Alan King to be your lawful wedded husband? [ALYSSA.]
I can't believe I didn't know his middle name was Alan.
What's that then? It's my dad.
Do you not have a truck? No.
Do you want a lift somewhere? No, you're all right.
[COUNTRY SONG PLAYING.]
Love, won't you listen to my heart [BRAKES SCREECH.]
Darling, can you hear it beating hard? Gonna walk you down a old dirt road Hey.
Let's get out of here.
Okay.
One more time 'Cause you're not the kind to rely on I gave you my love But you threw it away [SONG ENDS.]
[UPBEAT FOLK SONG PLAYING.]
I like potato Want to mash my potato Won't you mash your potato with me? I like potatoes Want to mash your potatoes Will you mash my potatoes for me? I like potatoes Gonna mash your potatoes If you don't like my masher Then I'll see you later I like potatoes Won't you mash your potatoes with me How was the wedding? Yeah, it was fine.
That's good.
[JAMES.]
I was waiting for the right moment to tell Alyssa I loved her.
What? Nothing.
[JAMES.]
I decided to bide my time.
How long have you been living in here? A couple of months.
Yeah, it smells like it.
I like potatoes Want to mash my potatoes Won't you mash your potatoes with me? I like potatoes Want to mash your potatoes Will you mash my potatoes for me So where are we going? - What? - Where do you want to go? I don't know.
I just wanted to leave.
What happened? Look, can we not? I don't want to talk about it, okay? [ALYSSA.]
Being shit runs in my family.
It's in my blood.
Which means I can't help it.
What are you gonna do with your dad? You gonna scatter him or just carry him around like a mascot? I'm gonna scatter him.
Where? [JAMES.]
I had no idea.
It's private.
Are you cold? No.
Are you hungry? Not really.
I am.
Fine.
Congratulations.
- What? - Happy wedding.
We're not married.
- What? - We've actually been to a funeral.
Oh? Sorry.
I just thought I'd get a bit more wear out of this.
[WAITRESS.]
Right.
I'll give you a couple minutes.
[JAMES.]
Alyssa was different.
[ALYSSA.]
What the fuck am I doing here? [JAMES.]
It was like someone had taken her batteries out.
Alyssa? Yeah.
The letter I sent you I'm sorry.
What letter? [JAMES.]
When I realised she might not have got it, it felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest.
Oh, yeah.
That.
[JAMES.]
Which seemed much heavier when it was put back.
I'm really, really sorry.
It was ages ago.
I can't even remember what it said.
[ALYSSA.]
"Dear Alyssa, I don't want to see you again.
Ever.
Because of you, I killed someone.
I can't ever take that back, and it's made me hate you.
So whatever you feel about me, you should know I don't feel it in return.
Please leave me alone.
Sincerely, James.
P.
S.
" Good luck with everything.
Yeah.
Do you maybe want to take that out? No.
[ALYSSA.]
"Because of you, I killed someone.
" [SCREAMING.]
[ALYSSA.]
"I can't ever take that back, and it's made me hate you.
" I'm sorry.
It's fine.
Shut up.
Should we go? We need to pay.
I know.
Shall we still go? You know, if you do a runner, the waiter or waitress usually has to pay out of their tips? Uh, no, I didn't know that.
Yeah, that's true.
We're held responsible.
Right.
Okay.
Were you not gonna pay? Uh No, of course we were.
Keep the change.
Alyssa? Alyssa? - Alyssa? - What? [JAMES.]
I just had to say it.
There would never be a right time.
What? [JAMES.]
I love you.
[ALYSSA.]
I don't want to be here.
[JAMES.]
I love you.
[ALYSSA.]
I don't want to be anywhere.
[JAMES.]
I love you.
I think we should go back.
This is stupid.
Wait.
What? What are we doing, James? Where are we even going? - I don't know.
You came to me.
- I didn't come to you.
You came to me.
You were stalking me.
I was not stalking you, I was watching you.
That's still weird.
But you said you wanted to leave.
Well, now I want to go back.
Why? Because I am married.
What? You did it? I do.
Yes! - Alyssa, wait! - Oh, for fuck's sake! [JAMES.]
No! Hey! Stop! - [ALYSSA.]
Hey! - [JAMES.]
Stop! Brilliant! Oh, no.
Oh, no.
I know it was your home or whatever, but you don't need to cry.
It's just been towed.
What's wrong with you? It's my dad.
Oh, yeah.
Shit.
I am actually a bit cold now.
Thanks.
[JAMES.]
What if they got rid of him? Come on.
Four hundred plus VAT.
What? Shouldn't have parked it there.
I don't understand, there wasn't a sign or anything.
- Yeah, there would have been a sign.
- There wasn't a sign.
There's always a sign.
There fucking wasn't.
Maybe you need glasses.
Maybe you need a better job.
I'm sorry.
Look, we just got married.
We're saving up for our honeymoon.
We don't have a lot of money.
Can you let it go just this one time? It's cash only.
Please, can I just get my dad? - What? - [JAMES.]
He's dead.
He's in the car.
I don't mean his body, his ashes.
His ashes are in the car.
Look, we'll come back with the money, I promise, but for now, can I just get him? He's in the car? - Yeah.
- [MAN.]
So he's safe.
- Well, yeah.
- So when you come back with the money, - he'll be there.
- [JAMES.]
No.
You don't understand.
- Please.
- James.
It's cool.
We'll come back.
What time do you close? - Five.
- Okay.
Come on.
I don't have 400 plus VAT.
- Neither do I.
- Then what are we going to do? We're going to wait till five o'clock.
[JAMES CHUCKLES.]
How did he die, your dad? Heart attack.
Bad diet, no exercise.
Shit.
It's probably how I'll go.
Why did you get married? Because I wanted to.
Okay.
[ALYSSA.]
Because I thought I wanted to.
Because I had to do something so I did that.
Wake me up when it's time.
Okay.
[JAMES.]
On paper, things looked quite bleak for me.
I was a homeless orphan on the run with a married woman.
But no matter how bad life got there was always something good.
You had to focus on the good.
[UPBEAT SONG PLAYING.]
Won't you stay awhile? Come sit next to me On the silver lane In the lost city Feel the solar rays Their velocity [SOFTLY.]
I love you.
- What? - I said, "It's time.
Let's go.
" - [ALYSSA WHISPERS.]
James.
- [JAMES.]
Shit.
They don't even have security.
- He's just put on a jacket.
- [JAMES.]
What do we do? Come on.
["I'M WALKING, BABE" PLAYING.]
I'm walkin', babe Oh, thank God.
Yes, I'm walkin', babe Just a few steps more Sorry.
It's okay.
I can't cut those ones off.
You'll have to drive through them.
- What? - Yeah.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
What the fuck, James? I didn't want to make too much noise.
- Oi! - [ALYSSA.]
Oh, what, not to disturb him? Yeah, nice one.
["I'M WALKING, BABE" CONTINUES.]
[ENGINE REVVING.]
[LAUGHING.]
[JAMES.]
For a moment, it was like old times.
Do you still want to go back? - Alyssa? - We should stop.
- What? - The hitchhiker.
She's a woman.
She's on her own.
What if some weirdo picks her up? Yeah.
Okay.
[ALYSSA.]
You all right? Hi.