The Fall Guy (1981) s02e03 Episode Script
Colt's Outlaws
(FINGERS SNAPPING) COLT: # Well, I'm hot the kind to kiss and tell But I've been seen with Farrah # I've never been with anything less than a nine, so fine! # I've been on fire with Sally Field Gone fast with a girl named Bo # But somehow they just don't end up as mine # It's a death-defying life I lead I take my chances # I die for a livin' in the movies and TV # But the hardest thing I ever do is watch my leading ladies # Kiss some other guy while I'm bandaging my knee # I might fall from a tall building I might roll a brand-new car # 'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that made Redford such a star (FINGERS SNAPPING) # I've never spent much time in school But I taught ladies plenty # It's true I hire my body out for pay # Hey, hey # I've gotten burned over Cheryl Tiegs Blown up for Raquel Welch # But when I wind up in the hay It's only hay # Hey, hey # I might jump an open drawbridge Or Tarzan from a vine # 'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that makes Eastwood look so fine # (COUNTRY SONG PLAYING) Colt.
I know it's the last shot in the picture, but we can't wait all day.
Hey, boss, if Wild Dan Wilde's late on the set, there's a reason for it, believe me.
Best reason in the world.
Wilde, you're the most outrageous, irresponsible Oh, I was just trying to get some more safety equipment.
And give this to Colt.
JODY: What is it? HOWIE: A rabbit's foot.
Come on, Dan, I can't take ol' Phineas from you, you've had him ever since I met you.
Well, and 20 years before that, but he's yours now.
If you're going to ride this rocket, I got to make sure that you stay this side of Hell.
(COLT CHUCKLING) DIRECTOR: All right, Colt.
Let's go.
I kind of wish Wild Dan hadn't done that, Colt.
If he's that worried about this stunt, you can imagine how I'm starting to feel.
Relax, kid.
It's not like we're really in a rocket, it's just a jet.
HOWIE: What difference does that make? COLT: None.
I'm just trying to make you feel better.
- Ready? - JODY: Ready.
As I'll ever be.
Fire.
(ALL APPLAUDING) DIRECTOR: You did it again, Colt.
The perfect wrap shot.
COLT: Hey, thanks, boss.
Don't I get any credit? Tm the one who pushed the button that started the "get.
Yeah, I know, Howie, they just seem to think that anybody could've done that.
DIRECTOR:: {ON PM Okay, that's a wrap.
Let's load up.
DAN: I'm so proud of you I could just bust! Hey, mighty good words coming from you, Dan.
Remember the first time we worked together? You were just a green kid.
Thank you.
And I told you, you'd amount to something if you just listened to me.
Let's go up to the honey wagon.
I got something worthwhile to put in this imitation branch water.
There ain't but one thing better than working with you, Dan.
- What's that? - Partying.
(DAN AND COLT CHUCKLING) He's not only one of the great all-time stuntmen, he's one of the great all-time partiers.
We get back to LA, you have to come take us to the Palomino.
Show these kids what we mean.
Well, why wait till we get to LA? Let's party now.
Out here in the middle of nowhere? Yeah, why not? Hey Yeah.
There's a little town about 10 miles south of here.
I did a picture there once, and they have got the best jambalaya that you ever tasted.
Because it's - COLT: Smooth.
-smooth.
Yeah! DAN: You'll love it.
Guaranteed.
This here is Section 42.
You see, we got three storage bins here.
That's numbers 23, 24 and 25, right, Mayor Littlefield? That's right, sir.
You have good eyes.
You've got a good operation here, Mayor.
It's the largest farming combine in the South, sir.
My clients wouldn't be interested in buying it if it wasn't.
In that case, you'd better see the whole hog.
Greg, take us on to the next section.
Well, let's go.
Time to do our act.
WELLS: How much time you figure we got? LECLERC: Guy's taking them over the bayou and then right back to here.
WELLS: In other words, we've got to really bust our humps.
LECLERC: just think of all the money the Mayor's paying us and you won't feel busted one little bit.
Come on, hustle.
They'll be back any second.
LITTLEFIELD: Yes, sir, Mr Hodges, this is a beautiful county.
I'm positive your clients will concur.
LECLERC: Hurry up, I hear them coming.
LITTLEFIELD: This is Section 42 right up ahead.
You and your pilot must really know this area pretty well.
When we got out over those backwoods, I couldn't even tell what direction we were going in.
Oh, we fly this way all the time, sir.
It'd be pretty hard to lose storage bins 26, 27 and 28.
This, Mr Hodges, is one of Littlefield Agricultural Enterprises' smaller fields.
Now if you would care to take a closer look at the others No, no, that won't be necessary, Mayor Littlefield.
I'm very impressed.
And when I call my clients tonight, that's exactly what I'll tell them.
Nothing more I could want.
How'd it go, john? He bought it, fields, bins and grain.
It'd take something mighty big to stop this deal now.
Here comes Reneau.
I wonder what he's going to bellyache about now.
- Phil, get a hold of yourself.
Please.
- I'll get a hold of myself.
You get off our land, Littlefield.
Crawl back to that town of yours and sweat.
(CHUCKLES) Sweat? Now why would I want to do something like that, Mr Reneau? Because I've had it.
I'm flying to Baton Rouge to tell the Attorney General what's going on around here.
Well, just what is going on? Other than the generous offer I made you for this worthless tract.
It was the offer that was worthless.
Our place is worth four times what you want to pay.
In my town, I'll tell you what things are worth.
You're trying to squeeze Matt and me out.
There's no more credit around, the bank is refusing us a loan.
Well, can I help it if you're a bad risk? Mr Prentiss, I appeal to you.
I tried to talk him out of it, Mayor.
Well, I'm going to expose all of your vicious scams, and there's nothing you can do about it, Littlefield.
Nothing.
Hey, what're you doing? (RENEAU GRUNTING) Matt, what about you? You don't have to go through life being dirt poor, you know.
John P.
Littlefield's friends are always well taken care of.
Mayor Littlefield, I always wanted to be your friend.
(DAN AND HOWIE SINGING) You know, Wild Dan, you were Absolutely right.
The Jambalaya is terrific.
LECLERC: Well, what've we got here? I think we got just what we're Looking for.
- Smooth.
- ALL: Smooth.
I don't suppose either one of you would know where the motel is right now? It's down there.
LECLERC: All right.
Hold it right there, boys.
(CHUCKLES) You don't mean us, do you, Sheriff? Let's see some ID.
Show him your ID, kid.
Sheriff, weâre just heading back to our car and straight to the motel.
Here's our ID.
How about your big friend, here? Colt, old buddy, I think I left my wallet in the bar.
I guess I better go get it.
(DAN WHISTLING) - COLT: Hey, what the - Okay, you two, you hold it right there.
Your big friend just got himself arrested.
What's the charge? Drunk and disorderly, for a start.
Disturbing the peace.
You two saw him resist an officer in the performance of his duty.
HOWIE: He was going for his ID.
LECLERC: That's for the law to decide.
Now you two get in that car you said you had and get that young friend of yours out of town.
Looks to me like he's had too much to drink.
Sheriff, you're making a big mistake.
Yeah, move it.
- Move it.
- Come on, Colt.
Colt, we can't let 'em just lock up Wild Dan.
COLT: We got no choice, kid, we got ourselves an escort.
We'll let him sleep it off and come back and get him first thing in the morning.
Bring him out the back way.
Okay, old timer, this is where you get out.
Not one word out of you, you hear me? Now you're going to do this county a real service.
(DAN WHISTLING) And you're going to do it with this.
DAN: Hey, Sheriff, what're you doing? LECLERC: You just put that right in there, old timer.
DAN: Hey, what're you doing? LECLERC: Come on now.
You can't do that.
LECLERC: You hear? Come on.
Now.
Yes, sir, you're going to do us a real service.
(sum COCKING) No.
(GUNSHOT) WELLS: He's dead.
LECLERC: Good.
This vagrant's the perfect one to blame.
You'd better go home and get some rest, Dwight.
You had one hell of an evening.
- COLT: Sheriff? - Well, if it ain't the other two vagrants.
You boys don't hear real good, do you? COLT: We're here to post bail for our friend.
Do we pay you? Or do we pay him? LECLERC: You don't pay anybody.
Wait a minute.
Our friend's entitled to bond.
Not any more.
You see, we got a new charge against him now.
What new charge? He's being held for murder.
First degree.
HOWIE: What're we going to do? COLT: We're going to get help.
Lots of help.
This might be the crookedest county I've seen, kid.
Damn it, Terri, I've got to get back there.
Colt, I've used every connection I have to find out about Littlefield County, you're not going to like what I've learnt.
I don't care.
The man who practically taught me how to be a stuntman is locked up for murder.
Now what could be worse than that? Well, the story I get is that Mr Wilde went crazy while they were locking him up.
Well, that's pretty hard to do when you're unconscious, which is exactly the way he was the last time we saw him.
Supposedly, he stole the Sheriff's gun and ran out into the alley.
Ran? Wild Dan was in no condition to run anywhere.
TERRI: The cell door was open, and another prisoner, Reneau, also took off.
According to Sheriff LeClerc, Wilde heard Reneau behind him, thought he was the law, Wilde fired and Reneau was killed instantly.
I don't believe it.
They gave him a paraffin test, Colt.
It showed he shot a gun.
Oh, come on.
The Sheriff set him up.
I know.
- You know? - Word is that LeClerc is as corrupt as the backwoods are dense.
Apparently, he and everything else in that town is owned by the mayor, john P.
Littlefield.
According to the Attorney General's office, john P.
Littlefield is building an empire based on extortion and fraud.
Well, if they know about it, why don't they do something? The Attorney General's trying, but so far the only person that's been able to come forward is now dead.
- You mean Reneau? - Right.
And anyone else who knows anything is either on Littlefield's payroll or they're too scared to come forward.
So, what you're saying is there's nothing the law can do about it.
It's almost like we'd be better off being outlaws ourselves.
Colt? (JOHNNY LEE SINGING) JODY: Colt, you haven't acted the same since Howie said the word "outlaw.
" Now what are you up to? COLT: You'll see.
COLT: We're in luck, kid.
Half this crowd in this place are stuntpeople.
HOWIE: Well, what's that got to do with anything? COLT: Stuntmen stick together, kid.
Over there, that's Harvey.
He does all the Paul Newman stunts.
That's Molly Baker over there, she doubles Jane Fonda all the time.
# I'm packing up I'm going home to stay # JODY: How does having all these stunt people here help us down in the bayou? COLT: You'll find out.
Thank you very much.
Thanks.
Look, before going to my next number, I'd like to introduce one of the regulars here at the Palomino who's got an announcement to make.
Ladies and gentlemen, Colt Seavers.
Thank you, johnny.
1 don't wan': to take up a lo': of your time.
I just, well, what I want to say is that I know there's a lot of stuntmen out there tonight, right? - Yeah! - ALL: Yeah! And stuntwomen.
The reason I wan': to talk to all you stuntpeople is that, well, I've got a job for you.
But the only problem is this job doesn't exactly pay any money.
(PEOPLE BOOING) I know, it doesn't sound so great, but there's a man that we all love, a man that we all owe a great debt to, Wild Dan Wilde.
(ALL CHEERING) Dan is in big trouble.
And I just want to say we can help him out of this problem if you're all game.
For those of you that are, would you please see me at the bar.
And thank you, johnny, very much.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING) JODY: What do you mean about those people all being the best bike riders? What are you going to do with them? COLT: We're going back to that town with the meanest, baddest biker bunch ever.
If you thought The Wild Bunch was bad, you ain't seen nothing yet.
(COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) HOWIE: Yo, Colt, you really think we can get away with this? Hey, kid, we got the best bikers in the business behind us, remember that.
Yeah, but you're asking them to break every law in the book.
You just remember, our target's not the whole county, just the crooked mayor.
We're only going to hit the places he owns.
Worst comes to worst, Jody'll be along soon enough with our ace in the hole.
LECLERC: I can take care of any problems we have with the local people, but I've been hearing rumors from the capital, john.
Somebody from out of state's been asking about you.
For all practical purposes, the investigation is at an end now, Dwight.
We got nothing, nothing to worry about.
Ain't that right? Nothin' I know of, Mayor.
Everything seems fine to me.
What the hell is that? They can't do that.
Hey, you.
Where do I find the mayor of this anthill of a town? He's at the barbershop.
On Friday mornings, he's at the barbershop.
Thanks, damn'.
LITTLEFIELD: Oh, my God! Hey, gentlemen, we're the Outlaws.
(LAUGHING) My kind of sheriff, my kind of town.
You've had it now, Mayor.
We're taking over.
Well, donât just sit there, go get him.
LITTLEFIELD: Sheriff, you get your deputies over here on the double.
I got a great idea.
I'll be right back.
While you find Dan.
Dan.
Dan.
Dan.
DAN: Here I am, Colt.
Over here.
Here.
What the hell are you doing here? We didn't have anything else to do.
Thought we'd see how you were doing.
Well, you're the expert on putting people in jail.
Why didn't you just come and visit? Well, they wouldn't let me.
They said you were too dangerous.
Oh.
I didn't do it, Colt.
You got to believe me.
I do, Dan.
But what did happen? LITTLEFIELD: Where's the help we sent for? LECLERC: Should be here any minute.
You're not going to believe what Crazy Howie just did to that car.
- Hey, Howie.
- HOWIE: Hi.
Now I get it.
You guys are going to break me out of here, right? No.
Dan, we can't do that.
Then you'd just go on being a fugitive.
All your friends are here, and we're staying here, though, until Littlefield yells uncle.
Right on.
Hey, boys, now you just Freeze, or name your beneficiary.
(ENGINE STARTING) WELLS: Let's get 'em.
COLT: All right guys, eats are on me.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING) Hey, don't worry, little sister.
You were so helpful to me today, I might even decide to pay you.
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) Everything taken care of? Well, I stashed the truck in a little shed just up the road.
But Colt, those modifications, I don't know.
Hey, don't worry about it, Jody.
When the time comes we'll find out.
Well, Crazy Howard knows what he wants.
How about a little service over here, sister? (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) It's okay, darlin', he won't bite.
Everybody's talkin' about what you folks did in town today.
They'd better, 'cause we're bad.
All I know is Mayor Littlefield and the Sheriff would sure like to get their hands on you.
Well, I guess weâll just have to keep a couple of steps ahead of 'em.
You make it sound like it's a game, causin' trouble, destroying people's property.
Oh, it's no game.
HOWIE: But it sure does make an outlaw hungry.
- That's why I'm going to have a - How come? How come what? How come you're not breaking this place up? Well Mary? You might say that your place just isn't on our list.
(CHUCKLES) You know what I think? I think you're makin' fun of me.
No, that's okay, 'cause everybody else does, too.
Why? 'Cause I got a dream.
It's not a big dream, but It's a dream of gettin' out of this county.
Where do you want to go? Any place where there isn't a big boss pushing people around, makin' them do things they don't want to do.
What kind of things? Look, when you're in this town with the Mayor, you got to do what he wants or you end up dead or in jail.
Like Mr Reneau and that poor guy they got locked up for it.
What do you know about that? It doesn't matter.
Nothing matters much when you're stuck here.
Well, Mary, there's always a chance you can get out of here if you were to tell us what you know about Reneau and Dan Wilde.
Okay, now what'll it be? JODY: Well, Crazy is the hungry one.
Why, I'm going to have Well, now I forgot what I was going to have! LITTLEFIELD: Well, Mr Hodges, is this the best investment you could make, or isn't it? HODGES: Frankly, Mr Mayor, I was persuaded earlier, but my clients wanted a little more information.
LITTLEFIELD: Well, I don't blame 'em.
This is a very large investment we're talkin' about here.
Your property certainly seems in order, so I've come prepared to finalize the deal.
In fact, I've taken the liberty of drawing up this Exchequer.
Well, we can iron out the little details later, I'm sure.
Oh, there is one other thing.
That group of motorcycle hoodlums that's been coming around here.
They're not from this area, are they? We have never had trouble like that before.
You can understand my concern.
My clients want a safe, family town.
I have talked to the Sheriff, sir.
Those Outlaws are as good as caught.
COLT: Okay, everybody, buzz-time.
LITTLEFIELD: What the hell is that? It's them Outlaws again.
You get What do you think you're doin'? Get out of here! Everybody out! (JODY EXCLAIMS) Sorry about that, Mayor, it was an accident.
(LAUGHING) Hey, there's a squad car coming.
Let's get out of here! LITTLEFIELD: Hey, watch out, you fool, you almost hit me! (COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) WELLS: (ON RAD IO) In pursuit of bikers 1?? Littlefield Farm, towards highway, request assistance.
Looks like I'm not exactly Mr Popularity.
You're the one who decided to throw in with the Mayor.
I got what I wanted.
I'll be okay.
(BIKE ENGINES RUMBLING) (BIKERS LAUGHING) (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) Well, if it isn't my favorite all-night waitress.
Now, we promise to be nice little ladies and gentlemen, and not bust the place up.
I know.
Hope you remember what you want this time.
Woman, you make the best cheeseburgers in the South.
And you guys make the most trouble.
But I've been thinking, from what I've heard, the only places you've gone and busted up have been the ones the Mayor's owned.
- Is that a fact? - MARY: Oh, it's all right.
A lot of people are really enjoying what's going on.
Ain't often we get to enjoy the sight of john P.
Littlefield with egg on his face.
I'm ready to order now.
I was also thinking about something else, too.
You were awful interested in that Hollywood stuntman who was supposed to have killed Phil Reneau.
Mary, I think I'll have a cheeseburger with all the trimmings.
You know, if it'll put your mind at ease, love, we'll bust this place up after you get us fed.
See, I was also thinkin' about the crazy things you do.
I've seen stuff like that before.
You have? Where? Me and a friend went up to the bayou country a little while ago, where they were making that movie.
They did things with cars there you wouldn't believe.
(CLEARS THROAT) Mary, I think you been thinking too much, and I think we'd better have a little talk.
Come on.
What about my hamburger? Howie.
Just kidding, Jody.
Anyway, it's worth a little hunger if something's finally starting to happen.
(BIKER SHOUTS) (MARY EXCLAIMS) Look at those birds.
Each one's free.
That's how we want Dan Wilde to be, too, Mary.
Free.
You know, you were right about us.
We're Hollywood stuntmen.
We're Dan's friends.
But Why'd you get yourselves up in those outfits? Why'd you go ridin' all over hell and gone? To prove to the people here that Littlefield's not all he's cracked up to be.
We wanted to show that he could be fought.
We want the people here to come forward and speak out against him.
It's time somebody spoke out.
God knows.
When I think about the things I've given up all my life - The things I've seen.
- Seen? Mary, are you talking about the murder? I was there that night.
You were there? In the alley? I have to pass by the Sheriff's Station on the way home.
What happened when you passed by? (GUNSHOT) I heard a shot, and I looked into the alley, and this big man, your friend, was lying on the ground, and Sheriff LeClerc got up from beside him.
Go on.
What else did you see? MARY".
Phil Reneau was on the ground, too, and the deputy said he was dead.
The Sheriff said that was good, that your friend was the perfect guy for them to blame it on.
I was afraid they'd see me, so I just kind of snuck away.
And I ran all the way home.
Will you take me away from here? Would you take me so far away? We'll take you away, Mary.
We'll take you far.
Okay.
I'm tellin' you, Mayor, they're here, all of 'em.
When I get through with them Outlaws, there ain't gonna be enough left of 'em to stuff in one of their tiny gas tanks.
This is the Mayor.
You get me LeClerc, fast.
BIKER 1: You better have some pie.
Come here.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING) Hey, Mary, I'll get some Coke.
I want another little piece of dessert here.
We're almost finished.
We leave here in the morning, we take Mary to the capital, let her tell the Attorney General the whole story.
I have to admit, I'm glad we're going home.
Hey, I thought you said you like the outdoor life, Howie.
Sleeping under the stars.
HOWIE: Yeah, waiting for the Sheriff to sneak up on us.
No way, Jody.
Anyway, my beard itches.
Where you 96"â)? - Think I insulted him? - Always.
Mary, the man in the corner, who is he? He belongs to Littlefield.
Some people even say he sold Reneau to the Mayor.
Thanks.
That guy in the corner.
When I was outside, did he go anywhere? Well, yeah, he went back there.
All right, Jody, let's dance.
(BIKERS CHEERING) They're all crazy.
They're going to do our job for us.
They're going to kill each other.
LITTLEFIELD: Yeah.
Ain't it wonderful? Come on, guys, let's go.
Mary, come on, we're leaving town.
I'm going.
(CHUCKLING) I can't believe I'm really going.
- HOWIE: Hey, it's working good, Colt.
- Yeah.
(ENGINE REVVING) LITTLEFIELD: Hold your fire.
Put those guns down.
I can't explain away no massacre.
Just get Seavers and that girl.
DEPUTY: Mayor, I don't see Seavers and the girl.
LITTLEFIELD: What? Well, they got to be there.
They was there a minute ago.
- DEPUTY: They ain't here now, Mayor.
- Before Christmas! Let's get 'em.
Boys, come on, get the Outlaws.
Dan.
Dan.
You don't have to yell, Colt.
I can hear you with all the racket you're making.
Hey, what've you guys been up to? You sure cleaned this place out in a hurry.
Yeah.
You remember the movie we made with john Wayne? - Yeah.
- The Western? This is the modern version.
Smooth.
(SIRENS WAILING) They're gettin' away! Now c'mon, faster! Damn.
They're going to cross the county line.
Well, ain't that where we wanted 'em, anyway? Now things can get back to normal.
Only why're they making it so easy for us? I don't know, but I'm not going to make it so easy for them.
C'mon.
Go a little faster, for God's sakes.
That's the girl in front.
Fall Guy? What's a Fall Guy? WELLS: The guy we got locked up.
They're Hollywood stuntmen.
(BIKERS CHEERING) LITTLEFIELD: We've got to get back into town.
They may be breakin' him out.
HOWIE: All right, let's move out.
Colt's going to be waiting for us.
That's them.
Go get 'em.
COLT: We'll never make the county line with them on top of us.
MARY: Hang a right.
LITTLEFIELD: Boy, did they make a mistake.
They're headin' right for the lake.
There ain't no way out.
(GUNSHOTS) What did I get myself into? Colt, if you're going to pull a rabbit out of a hat, the time is now.
Well, I got two of 'em.
Only thing is, I don't know which idea's crazier than the other.
By the way, here.
Phineas! We can't lose.
If you believe in that thing, you'd better rub like you never rubbed before.
In the meantime, I'm going to Plan B.
Dan, take the wheel.
Mary, put your foot on the gas and don't let up.
LITTLEFIELD: What's he doin' now? WELLS: It doesn't matter what he's doin'.
He's headed right for the lake.
LECLERC: Get it off, I can't see! I got her.
Hey, you got the engine from the jet car.
We know the engine works.
Now weâve just got to find out if putting it in here was right.
What if we don't go around the lake, we go over it? DAN: Colt, you're nuts.
Okay, when I say "fire", you push this button.
We'll be home free.
You understand? MARY: Yeah, free.
Hang on.
Fire.
(ALL CHEERING) They did it.
They got away.
I know it's the last shot in the picture, but we can't wait all day.
Hey, boss, if Wild Dan Wilde's late on the set, there's a reason for it, believe me.
Best reason in the world.
Wilde, you're the most outrageous, irresponsible Oh, I was just trying to get some more safety equipment.
And give this to Colt.
JODY: What is it? HOWIE: A rabbit's foot.
Come on, Dan, I can't take ol' Phineas from you, you've had him ever since I met you.
Well, and 20 years before that, but he's yours now.
If you're going to ride this rocket, I got to make sure that you stay this side of Hell.
(COLT CHUCKLING) DIRECTOR: All right, Colt.
Let's go.
I kind of wish Wild Dan hadn't done that, Colt.
If he's that worried about this stunt, you can imagine how I'm starting to feel.
Relax, kid.
It's not like we're really in a rocket, it's just a jet.
HOWIE: What difference does that make? COLT: None.
I'm just trying to make you feel better.
- Ready? - JODY: Ready.
As I'll ever be.
Fire.
(ALL APPLAUDING) DIRECTOR: You did it again, Colt.
The perfect wrap shot.
COLT: Hey, thanks, boss.
Don't I get any credit? Tm the one who pushed the button that started the "get.
Yeah, I know, Howie, they just seem to think that anybody could've done that.
DIRECTOR:: {ON PM Okay, that's a wrap.
Let's load up.
DAN: I'm so proud of you I could just bust! Hey, mighty good words coming from you, Dan.
Remember the first time we worked together? You were just a green kid.
Thank you.
And I told you, you'd amount to something if you just listened to me.
Let's go up to the honey wagon.
I got something worthwhile to put in this imitation branch water.
There ain't but one thing better than working with you, Dan.
- What's that? - Partying.
(DAN AND COLT CHUCKLING) He's not only one of the great all-time stuntmen, he's one of the great all-time partiers.
We get back to LA, you have to come take us to the Palomino.
Show these kids what we mean.
Well, why wait till we get to LA? Let's party now.
Out here in the middle of nowhere? Yeah, why not? Hey Yeah.
There's a little town about 10 miles south of here.
I did a picture there once, and they have got the best jambalaya that you ever tasted.
Because it's - COLT: Smooth.
-smooth.
Yeah! DAN: You'll love it.
Guaranteed.
This here is Section 42.
You see, we got three storage bins here.
That's numbers 23, 24 and 25, right, Mayor Littlefield? That's right, sir.
You have good eyes.
You've got a good operation here, Mayor.
It's the largest farming combine in the South, sir.
My clients wouldn't be interested in buying it if it wasn't.
In that case, you'd better see the whole hog.
Greg, take us on to the next section.
Well, let's go.
Time to do our act.
WELLS: How much time you figure we got? LECLERC: Guy's taking them over the bayou and then right back to here.
WELLS: In other words, we've got to really bust our humps.
LECLERC: just think of all the money the Mayor's paying us and you won't feel busted one little bit.
Come on, hustle.
They'll be back any second.
LITTLEFIELD: Yes, sir, Mr Hodges, this is a beautiful county.
I'm positive your clients will concur.
LECLERC: Hurry up, I hear them coming.
LITTLEFIELD: This is Section 42 right up ahead.
You and your pilot must really know this area pretty well.
When we got out over those backwoods, I couldn't even tell what direction we were going in.
Oh, we fly this way all the time, sir.
It'd be pretty hard to lose storage bins 26, 27 and 28.
This, Mr Hodges, is one of Littlefield Agricultural Enterprises' smaller fields.
Now if you would care to take a closer look at the others No, no, that won't be necessary, Mayor Littlefield.
I'm very impressed.
And when I call my clients tonight, that's exactly what I'll tell them.
Nothing more I could want.
How'd it go, john? He bought it, fields, bins and grain.
It'd take something mighty big to stop this deal now.
Here comes Reneau.
I wonder what he's going to bellyache about now.
- Phil, get a hold of yourself.
Please.
- I'll get a hold of myself.
You get off our land, Littlefield.
Crawl back to that town of yours and sweat.
(CHUCKLES) Sweat? Now why would I want to do something like that, Mr Reneau? Because I've had it.
I'm flying to Baton Rouge to tell the Attorney General what's going on around here.
Well, just what is going on? Other than the generous offer I made you for this worthless tract.
It was the offer that was worthless.
Our place is worth four times what you want to pay.
In my town, I'll tell you what things are worth.
You're trying to squeeze Matt and me out.
There's no more credit around, the bank is refusing us a loan.
Well, can I help it if you're a bad risk? Mr Prentiss, I appeal to you.
I tried to talk him out of it, Mayor.
Well, I'm going to expose all of your vicious scams, and there's nothing you can do about it, Littlefield.
Nothing.
Hey, what're you doing? (RENEAU GRUNTING) Matt, what about you? You don't have to go through life being dirt poor, you know.
John P.
Littlefield's friends are always well taken care of.
Mayor Littlefield, I always wanted to be your friend.
(DAN AND HOWIE SINGING) You know, Wild Dan, you were Absolutely right.
The Jambalaya is terrific.
LECLERC: Well, what've we got here? I think we got just what we're Looking for.
- Smooth.
- ALL: Smooth.
I don't suppose either one of you would know where the motel is right now? It's down there.
LECLERC: All right.
Hold it right there, boys.
(CHUCKLES) You don't mean us, do you, Sheriff? Let's see some ID.
Show him your ID, kid.
Sheriff, weâre just heading back to our car and straight to the motel.
Here's our ID.
How about your big friend, here? Colt, old buddy, I think I left my wallet in the bar.
I guess I better go get it.
(DAN WHISTLING) - COLT: Hey, what the - Okay, you two, you hold it right there.
Your big friend just got himself arrested.
What's the charge? Drunk and disorderly, for a start.
Disturbing the peace.
You two saw him resist an officer in the performance of his duty.
HOWIE: He was going for his ID.
LECLERC: That's for the law to decide.
Now you two get in that car you said you had and get that young friend of yours out of town.
Looks to me like he's had too much to drink.
Sheriff, you're making a big mistake.
Yeah, move it.
- Move it.
- Come on, Colt.
Colt, we can't let 'em just lock up Wild Dan.
COLT: We got no choice, kid, we got ourselves an escort.
We'll let him sleep it off and come back and get him first thing in the morning.
Bring him out the back way.
Okay, old timer, this is where you get out.
Not one word out of you, you hear me? Now you're going to do this county a real service.
(DAN WHISTLING) And you're going to do it with this.
DAN: Hey, Sheriff, what're you doing? LECLERC: You just put that right in there, old timer.
DAN: Hey, what're you doing? LECLERC: Come on now.
You can't do that.
LECLERC: You hear? Come on.
Now.
Yes, sir, you're going to do us a real service.
(sum COCKING) No.
(GUNSHOT) WELLS: He's dead.
LECLERC: Good.
This vagrant's the perfect one to blame.
You'd better go home and get some rest, Dwight.
You had one hell of an evening.
- COLT: Sheriff? - Well, if it ain't the other two vagrants.
You boys don't hear real good, do you? COLT: We're here to post bail for our friend.
Do we pay you? Or do we pay him? LECLERC: You don't pay anybody.
Wait a minute.
Our friend's entitled to bond.
Not any more.
You see, we got a new charge against him now.
What new charge? He's being held for murder.
First degree.
HOWIE: What're we going to do? COLT: We're going to get help.
Lots of help.
This might be the crookedest county I've seen, kid.
Damn it, Terri, I've got to get back there.
Colt, I've used every connection I have to find out about Littlefield County, you're not going to like what I've learnt.
I don't care.
The man who practically taught me how to be a stuntman is locked up for murder.
Now what could be worse than that? Well, the story I get is that Mr Wilde went crazy while they were locking him up.
Well, that's pretty hard to do when you're unconscious, which is exactly the way he was the last time we saw him.
Supposedly, he stole the Sheriff's gun and ran out into the alley.
Ran? Wild Dan was in no condition to run anywhere.
TERRI: The cell door was open, and another prisoner, Reneau, also took off.
According to Sheriff LeClerc, Wilde heard Reneau behind him, thought he was the law, Wilde fired and Reneau was killed instantly.
I don't believe it.
They gave him a paraffin test, Colt.
It showed he shot a gun.
Oh, come on.
The Sheriff set him up.
I know.
- You know? - Word is that LeClerc is as corrupt as the backwoods are dense.
Apparently, he and everything else in that town is owned by the mayor, john P.
Littlefield.
According to the Attorney General's office, john P.
Littlefield is building an empire based on extortion and fraud.
Well, if they know about it, why don't they do something? The Attorney General's trying, but so far the only person that's been able to come forward is now dead.
- You mean Reneau? - Right.
And anyone else who knows anything is either on Littlefield's payroll or they're too scared to come forward.
So, what you're saying is there's nothing the law can do about it.
It's almost like we'd be better off being outlaws ourselves.
Colt? (JOHNNY LEE SINGING) JODY: Colt, you haven't acted the same since Howie said the word "outlaw.
" Now what are you up to? COLT: You'll see.
COLT: We're in luck, kid.
Half this crowd in this place are stuntpeople.
HOWIE: Well, what's that got to do with anything? COLT: Stuntmen stick together, kid.
Over there, that's Harvey.
He does all the Paul Newman stunts.
That's Molly Baker over there, she doubles Jane Fonda all the time.
# I'm packing up I'm going home to stay # JODY: How does having all these stunt people here help us down in the bayou? COLT: You'll find out.
Thank you very much.
Thanks.
Look, before going to my next number, I'd like to introduce one of the regulars here at the Palomino who's got an announcement to make.
Ladies and gentlemen, Colt Seavers.
Thank you, johnny.
1 don't wan': to take up a lo': of your time.
I just, well, what I want to say is that I know there's a lot of stuntmen out there tonight, right? - Yeah! - ALL: Yeah! And stuntwomen.
The reason I wan': to talk to all you stuntpeople is that, well, I've got a job for you.
But the only problem is this job doesn't exactly pay any money.
(PEOPLE BOOING) I know, it doesn't sound so great, but there's a man that we all love, a man that we all owe a great debt to, Wild Dan Wilde.
(ALL CHEERING) Dan is in big trouble.
And I just want to say we can help him out of this problem if you're all game.
For those of you that are, would you please see me at the bar.
And thank you, johnny, very much.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING) JODY: What do you mean about those people all being the best bike riders? What are you going to do with them? COLT: We're going back to that town with the meanest, baddest biker bunch ever.
If you thought The Wild Bunch was bad, you ain't seen nothing yet.
(COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) HOWIE: Yo, Colt, you really think we can get away with this? Hey, kid, we got the best bikers in the business behind us, remember that.
Yeah, but you're asking them to break every law in the book.
You just remember, our target's not the whole county, just the crooked mayor.
We're only going to hit the places he owns.
Worst comes to worst, Jody'll be along soon enough with our ace in the hole.
LECLERC: I can take care of any problems we have with the local people, but I've been hearing rumors from the capital, john.
Somebody from out of state's been asking about you.
For all practical purposes, the investigation is at an end now, Dwight.
We got nothing, nothing to worry about.
Ain't that right? Nothin' I know of, Mayor.
Everything seems fine to me.
What the hell is that? They can't do that.
Hey, you.
Where do I find the mayor of this anthill of a town? He's at the barbershop.
On Friday mornings, he's at the barbershop.
Thanks, damn'.
LITTLEFIELD: Oh, my God! Hey, gentlemen, we're the Outlaws.
(LAUGHING) My kind of sheriff, my kind of town.
You've had it now, Mayor.
We're taking over.
Well, donât just sit there, go get him.
LITTLEFIELD: Sheriff, you get your deputies over here on the double.
I got a great idea.
I'll be right back.
While you find Dan.
Dan.
Dan.
Dan.
DAN: Here I am, Colt.
Over here.
Here.
What the hell are you doing here? We didn't have anything else to do.
Thought we'd see how you were doing.
Well, you're the expert on putting people in jail.
Why didn't you just come and visit? Well, they wouldn't let me.
They said you were too dangerous.
Oh.
I didn't do it, Colt.
You got to believe me.
I do, Dan.
But what did happen? LITTLEFIELD: Where's the help we sent for? LECLERC: Should be here any minute.
You're not going to believe what Crazy Howie just did to that car.
- Hey, Howie.
- HOWIE: Hi.
Now I get it.
You guys are going to break me out of here, right? No.
Dan, we can't do that.
Then you'd just go on being a fugitive.
All your friends are here, and we're staying here, though, until Littlefield yells uncle.
Right on.
Hey, boys, now you just Freeze, or name your beneficiary.
(ENGINE STARTING) WELLS: Let's get 'em.
COLT: All right guys, eats are on me.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING) Hey, don't worry, little sister.
You were so helpful to me today, I might even decide to pay you.
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) Everything taken care of? Well, I stashed the truck in a little shed just up the road.
But Colt, those modifications, I don't know.
Hey, don't worry about it, Jody.
When the time comes we'll find out.
Well, Crazy Howard knows what he wants.
How about a little service over here, sister? (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) It's okay, darlin', he won't bite.
Everybody's talkin' about what you folks did in town today.
They'd better, 'cause we're bad.
All I know is Mayor Littlefield and the Sheriff would sure like to get their hands on you.
Well, I guess weâll just have to keep a couple of steps ahead of 'em.
You make it sound like it's a game, causin' trouble, destroying people's property.
Oh, it's no game.
HOWIE: But it sure does make an outlaw hungry.
- That's why I'm going to have a - How come? How come what? How come you're not breaking this place up? Well Mary? You might say that your place just isn't on our list.
(CHUCKLES) You know what I think? I think you're makin' fun of me.
No, that's okay, 'cause everybody else does, too.
Why? 'Cause I got a dream.
It's not a big dream, but It's a dream of gettin' out of this county.
Where do you want to go? Any place where there isn't a big boss pushing people around, makin' them do things they don't want to do.
What kind of things? Look, when you're in this town with the Mayor, you got to do what he wants or you end up dead or in jail.
Like Mr Reneau and that poor guy they got locked up for it.
What do you know about that? It doesn't matter.
Nothing matters much when you're stuck here.
Well, Mary, there's always a chance you can get out of here if you were to tell us what you know about Reneau and Dan Wilde.
Okay, now what'll it be? JODY: Well, Crazy is the hungry one.
Why, I'm going to have Well, now I forgot what I was going to have! LITTLEFIELD: Well, Mr Hodges, is this the best investment you could make, or isn't it? HODGES: Frankly, Mr Mayor, I was persuaded earlier, but my clients wanted a little more information.
LITTLEFIELD: Well, I don't blame 'em.
This is a very large investment we're talkin' about here.
Your property certainly seems in order, so I've come prepared to finalize the deal.
In fact, I've taken the liberty of drawing up this Exchequer.
Well, we can iron out the little details later, I'm sure.
Oh, there is one other thing.
That group of motorcycle hoodlums that's been coming around here.
They're not from this area, are they? We have never had trouble like that before.
You can understand my concern.
My clients want a safe, family town.
I have talked to the Sheriff, sir.
Those Outlaws are as good as caught.
COLT: Okay, everybody, buzz-time.
LITTLEFIELD: What the hell is that? It's them Outlaws again.
You get What do you think you're doin'? Get out of here! Everybody out! (JODY EXCLAIMS) Sorry about that, Mayor, it was an accident.
(LAUGHING) Hey, there's a squad car coming.
Let's get out of here! LITTLEFIELD: Hey, watch out, you fool, you almost hit me! (COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) WELLS: (ON RAD IO) In pursuit of bikers 1?? Littlefield Farm, towards highway, request assistance.
Looks like I'm not exactly Mr Popularity.
You're the one who decided to throw in with the Mayor.
I got what I wanted.
I'll be okay.
(BIKE ENGINES RUMBLING) (BIKERS LAUGHING) (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) Well, if it isn't my favorite all-night waitress.
Now, we promise to be nice little ladies and gentlemen, and not bust the place up.
I know.
Hope you remember what you want this time.
Woman, you make the best cheeseburgers in the South.
And you guys make the most trouble.
But I've been thinking, from what I've heard, the only places you've gone and busted up have been the ones the Mayor's owned.
- Is that a fact? - MARY: Oh, it's all right.
A lot of people are really enjoying what's going on.
Ain't often we get to enjoy the sight of john P.
Littlefield with egg on his face.
I'm ready to order now.
I was also thinking about something else, too.
You were awful interested in that Hollywood stuntman who was supposed to have killed Phil Reneau.
Mary, I think I'll have a cheeseburger with all the trimmings.
You know, if it'll put your mind at ease, love, we'll bust this place up after you get us fed.
See, I was also thinkin' about the crazy things you do.
I've seen stuff like that before.
You have? Where? Me and a friend went up to the bayou country a little while ago, where they were making that movie.
They did things with cars there you wouldn't believe.
(CLEARS THROAT) Mary, I think you been thinking too much, and I think we'd better have a little talk.
Come on.
What about my hamburger? Howie.
Just kidding, Jody.
Anyway, it's worth a little hunger if something's finally starting to happen.
(BIKER SHOUTS) (MARY EXCLAIMS) Look at those birds.
Each one's free.
That's how we want Dan Wilde to be, too, Mary.
Free.
You know, you were right about us.
We're Hollywood stuntmen.
We're Dan's friends.
But Why'd you get yourselves up in those outfits? Why'd you go ridin' all over hell and gone? To prove to the people here that Littlefield's not all he's cracked up to be.
We wanted to show that he could be fought.
We want the people here to come forward and speak out against him.
It's time somebody spoke out.
God knows.
When I think about the things I've given up all my life - The things I've seen.
- Seen? Mary, are you talking about the murder? I was there that night.
You were there? In the alley? I have to pass by the Sheriff's Station on the way home.
What happened when you passed by? (GUNSHOT) I heard a shot, and I looked into the alley, and this big man, your friend, was lying on the ground, and Sheriff LeClerc got up from beside him.
Go on.
What else did you see? MARY".
Phil Reneau was on the ground, too, and the deputy said he was dead.
The Sheriff said that was good, that your friend was the perfect guy for them to blame it on.
I was afraid they'd see me, so I just kind of snuck away.
And I ran all the way home.
Will you take me away from here? Would you take me so far away? We'll take you away, Mary.
We'll take you far.
Okay.
I'm tellin' you, Mayor, they're here, all of 'em.
When I get through with them Outlaws, there ain't gonna be enough left of 'em to stuff in one of their tiny gas tanks.
This is the Mayor.
You get me LeClerc, fast.
BIKER 1: You better have some pie.
Come here.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING) Hey, Mary, I'll get some Coke.
I want another little piece of dessert here.
We're almost finished.
We leave here in the morning, we take Mary to the capital, let her tell the Attorney General the whole story.
I have to admit, I'm glad we're going home.
Hey, I thought you said you like the outdoor life, Howie.
Sleeping under the stars.
HOWIE: Yeah, waiting for the Sheriff to sneak up on us.
No way, Jody.
Anyway, my beard itches.
Where you 96"â)? - Think I insulted him? - Always.
Mary, the man in the corner, who is he? He belongs to Littlefield.
Some people even say he sold Reneau to the Mayor.
Thanks.
That guy in the corner.
When I was outside, did he go anywhere? Well, yeah, he went back there.
All right, Jody, let's dance.
(BIKERS CHEERING) They're all crazy.
They're going to do our job for us.
They're going to kill each other.
LITTLEFIELD: Yeah.
Ain't it wonderful? Come on, guys, let's go.
Mary, come on, we're leaving town.
I'm going.
(CHUCKLING) I can't believe I'm really going.
- HOWIE: Hey, it's working good, Colt.
- Yeah.
(ENGINE REVVING) LITTLEFIELD: Hold your fire.
Put those guns down.
I can't explain away no massacre.
Just get Seavers and that girl.
DEPUTY: Mayor, I don't see Seavers and the girl.
LITTLEFIELD: What? Well, they got to be there.
They was there a minute ago.
- DEPUTY: They ain't here now, Mayor.
- Before Christmas! Let's get 'em.
Boys, come on, get the Outlaws.
Dan.
Dan.
You don't have to yell, Colt.
I can hear you with all the racket you're making.
Hey, what've you guys been up to? You sure cleaned this place out in a hurry.
Yeah.
You remember the movie we made with john Wayne? - Yeah.
- The Western? This is the modern version.
Smooth.
(SIRENS WAILING) They're gettin' away! Now c'mon, faster! Damn.
They're going to cross the county line.
Well, ain't that where we wanted 'em, anyway? Now things can get back to normal.
Only why're they making it so easy for us? I don't know, but I'm not going to make it so easy for them.
C'mon.
Go a little faster, for God's sakes.
That's the girl in front.
Fall Guy? What's a Fall Guy? WELLS: The guy we got locked up.
They're Hollywood stuntmen.
(BIKERS CHEERING) LITTLEFIELD: We've got to get back into town.
They may be breakin' him out.
HOWIE: All right, let's move out.
Colt's going to be waiting for us.
That's them.
Go get 'em.
COLT: We'll never make the county line with them on top of us.
MARY: Hang a right.
LITTLEFIELD: Boy, did they make a mistake.
They're headin' right for the lake.
There ain't no way out.
(GUNSHOTS) What did I get myself into? Colt, if you're going to pull a rabbit out of a hat, the time is now.
Well, I got two of 'em.
Only thing is, I don't know which idea's crazier than the other.
By the way, here.
Phineas! We can't lose.
If you believe in that thing, you'd better rub like you never rubbed before.
In the meantime, I'm going to Plan B.
Dan, take the wheel.
Mary, put your foot on the gas and don't let up.
LITTLEFIELD: What's he doin' now? WELLS: It doesn't matter what he's doin'.
He's headed right for the lake.
LECLERC: Get it off, I can't see! I got her.
Hey, you got the engine from the jet car.
We know the engine works.
Now weâve just got to find out if putting it in here was right.
What if we don't go around the lake, we go over it? DAN: Colt, you're nuts.
Okay, when I say "fire", you push this button.
We'll be home free.
You understand? MARY: Yeah, free.
Hang on.
Fire.
(ALL CHEERING) They did it.
They got away.