The Family Law (2016) s02e03 Episode Script

Mum's always loved meeting new people and learning new skills.
But marrying young and getting pregnant, over and over and over again, made her housebound.
And ever since my Tammy got her period, everyone in sync.
Once a month, so much blood.
Like butcher.
And when you're taking care of a big family, you don't have much time for friends, which means your social skills can become stunted.
Oh, my Ben so proud.
Lead role in the school play.
Sex change child murderer.
0402 917 0734.
- And your number? - I'll text it to you.
We can go see a movie.
Have a girls' night out! Okay, great.
Call me! I smiled at their bad jokes, didn't mention their bad breath.
What's wrong with Jenny? They just weren't your people, Mum.
It'll be better next time.
Okay? Maybe Mummy should just stay home and do online courses.
If people don't see you're great, that's their loss.
And, if they're mean I will burn their house down with fury, for these wrongs they dare inflict on me when I've done nothing to provoke them! Oh, you're right.
Mummy's just being silly.
I have to go, I have to go, I have to go! Ah, you know what the 'gweilo' say.
You are what you eat.
Mm, mango! I must be sweet, juicy and yellow.
Yes, very true.
Same shape, too.
So, uh so what food are you, then? Ah-Jun! Look at this.
- New stock! - What are you doing? - Super soft! - We already have toilet paper.
Also, I haven't shown you this.
Our brand-new mop is very absorbent.
Yeah, yeah, you try.
Bye-bye! What the 'f'! Children, today begins the most important journey of your lives.
Forget your grades.
Forget your family.
Forget everything.
You will no longer think of me as "Mr Mallory".
In this room, I am God, and the first and last words coming out of your mouths will be pure Greek poetry and nothing less.
From now on, you are part of a tradition stretching from ancient Athens to present-day Sunshine Coast.
Are you ready? It's turned out badly all around, who'd deny it? Will I set fire to the house or drive a sharp sword through their hearts? Oh, betrayal! And then Jason and I have a showdown.
Sorry, I'm just after some sriracha sauce.
Oh, is it not on the shelves? Let me check out back.
I'm not going.
Honey, they just want us to stay the weekend to clear the air.
Clear the air of what, their white supremacy? Whoa, Candy Wayne, your parents are the reason One Nation are back.
If I go, they'll probably, I don't know, lynch me or burn me on a cross.
Wear polyester.
More flammable.
Go out with a bang.
Babe, I don't want to have a problem with them, but they have a problem with me.
Babe, they aren't afraid of Asians any more.
They're on to Muslims now.
Go.
Meet them.
What's the worst that could happen? They ignore you, not laugh at your jokes.
- I'm not going! - Candy Mum! Mum, are you okay? Did Dad Oh, your dad.
Just like everybody else today.
Weird.
Mummy tells herself, new Jenny, ready for the world.
But maybe world isn't ready for Jenny.
Mum, that's not true.
I should have just been born in ancient China and become a rich man's porcupine.
Concubine.
C-o-n-c-u-b-i Why bother? Hey What does this look like? Oh, my God, look at this one! Hey, are you free Friday night? My dad's working the late shift, which means We'll have upstairs to ourselves.
Oh, actually, Friday is movie night at Jules's.
Well, that's what I'll tell my parents, anyway.
- Sorry, Heidi, family crisis.
- Hey, Ben.
- See you Friday.
- This better be important.
When have I ever said anything that isn't important? You might need to sit down.
Okay, brace yourself.
I saw Dad kissing a woman.
You knew? So Dad has a girlfriend.
Big deal.
Well, what should we do? Stay out of it.
Mum and Dad are adults.
It's their business.
Have you seen Mum lately? She's an emotional wreck.
If she finds out, it'll destroy her.
And I know what it's like to be a woman scorned.
- Your dumb play isn't real life, Ben.
- Don't mansplain me, Gor-Gor.
When Medea's husband started dating the Princess of Crete, she did not take it well.
- Neither will Mum.
- Mum will be fine.
Dad's a single man.
He can do what he wants.
It's his business.
Ah-Ben, I got you some of that lip gloss you like.
Dad, how could you? It's wrong.
No, it's definitely grape flavour.
No, I mean what was going on last night.
In the store room.
- Oh.
- Yes, oh.
Oh.
I'm sorry you had to find out like that.
I was going to tell everyone, but things got complicated.
Betrayal is complicated, Dad! I'll go over and tell her right now.
Oh, no! No, no, no! Mum's not in a good place.
If she finds out now, who knows what she's capable of? She killed the children! She hath murdered them! Blood-red mother! Your mum's not going to murder you.
She's totally on the brink of a depressive episode.
Medea I need to do something before she finds out about Dad's girlfriend.
When my mum's feeling down, she says bringing a new person into the mix gives her self-esteem a boost.
- Medea - She does it all the time.
She says the more new friends she lets in, the happier she feels.
Oh, of course! I need to find Mum a new man.
That way when she finds out about Dad, she won't care.
She would have moved on.
Medea! Where do people find single men? Are you sure this is a beginner class? Maybe we should come back another day.
Come on, Mum.
Let's find a spot next to some super-toned men.
Namaste, everyone.
Down on your knees.
Come to Table Top.
Inhale, tucking your toes.
Come to Downward Dog.
Take your knees around.
Knees to chest and extend into Corpse.
Feels like I'm getting a Pap smear.
Knees into chest.
Taking your toes, then ease into Happy Baby.
I think I might fart.
Am I allowed to Shh! He's coming over.
- We have some new faces.
- Hello.
Rod.
Benjamin.
And this is Jenny, my recently separated, very single mother.
Um well, I'm new to all this Whoa! Allow your pelvic floor to relax.
Oh, that's not a good idea for me Mum's also a great cook.
Jenny, you are surprisingly flexible.
Oh, thank you.
I had five kids so I'm super-stretched For time.
We mustn't forget to have time for our bodies.
Jenny? If you want to work on technique, I offer private sessions.
Mum would be delighted.
Wonderful.
I'll get your number after class.
Just enjoy it, Mum.
It's basically a date.
Notice he didn't offer private sessions to any of the others.
Cheeky.
Jenny can we talk? There's something I need to tell you.
Hey, Dad, look, look! This is called Happy Baby! It opens your chakras or something.
Stop looking at my photos, freak! Don't leave your phone unlocked, then! - Stop! - Come on, time out! Time out! Stop it! I didn't do anything! No! Maybe Tam should go to your place.
I'll just talk to your mother - It's a school night! - Hey, there's no one else there, right? I talk to you later! What are you wearing? If my family have issues with who you are, I have issues with me too.
That is the sweetest, most racist thing anyone has ever done for me.
Look, give them a chance, babe.
They are trying, really.
Mum's already booked the flights.
Look, if you hate it we'll come straight back.
Promise? Guys, I need to learn my lines! By exile swift and low he sets me free.
"This one long day wherein" wherein they shall lie dead.
The new "woman and my husband.
" "Tried so many" "so many thoughts of murder!" Benjamin, what is the most important thing an actor must possess? Quality headshots from a professional photographer.
Oh, God! Focus.
An actor must have focus.
Where is yours? Is there something more pressing on your mind? No.
I'm not convinced.
What what are you doing? Unless you can prove your unwavering focus the role of Medea shall be bestowed upon someone else.
What do you think? Huh? Look, look! Muscle-compression, moisture-absorbing, odour-trapping technology! - Perfect for yoga! - Mum, I need to concentrate.
Can we not talk about your body parts for one second? I mean, just don't be so intense.
Be yourself.
But not all of yourself.
Less is more.
Okay okay.
More less.
Let's go.
- What's she doing here? - Jenny.
Hey, Ben.
I hope you don't mind.
Diane needed some help with her Salute to the Sun.
I need all the help I can get.
Isn't a private class meant to be a more intimate experience? - Ben! - Everyone is welcome here.
This is an inclusive space.
Come on.
And stretch back into Happy Baby.
Feet to the floor.
Lift your pelvis to the sky, like a cloud.
And keep lifting up God, it's like Ayers Rock.
Sorry, inappropriate.
I meant Uluru.
Diane, please.
Yoga is about finding our centre.
And come in your box.
Three kids reconfigured my box.
Try five.
My ex-husband said sex was like waving an arm in a warm room.
I was scared my ex would just fall in.
Then I would have to give birth to him.
Came out the front! Oh, Ben, oh, Ben Ben, maybe yoga's not what your Mum's looking for.
Give us one more chance! Mum's recently separated and depressed.
Yeah, looks like it.
- Get it? - Yeah.
I'll save you as Yoga Jenny.
And I'll save you as Farting Diane.
Did you see how offended he was? How can you do that? Maybe if you call and apologise, explain you were having a manic episode What? $20 to be surrounded by white people looking constipated? I get that for free at food court.
Fine.
If you want to be alone forever, suit yourself.
But I got you, your brother and sisters.
Oh, and I got the number of that funny lady.
We going to a movie and seafood buffet next week.
- She doesn't count.
- Who says? Because she's not a man.
You think Mummy need a boyfriend? Why would I need Because Dad's got a girlfriend! Ah-Jun, what are you Ah-Ben told me everything.
The girls know too.
I I didn't mean to Why didn't you tell me? Everything's changed so quickly.
Are are you okay? I don't know.
What? I don't know where your fingers have been.
What's that terrible music? Andrew told me it help him concentrate.
- Wait - All okay? Where'd it go? Andrew Andrew Is this your first time? Relax.
We can take it slow.
Wait.
Isn't it yours? Well, how how many? Andrew Are we talking like one or two guys? - Does it matter? - Is it more than five? Ten? Explain to me how that's any of your business.
Who took the chocolate fudge? Thanks.
Oh, ice-cream.
Make mine double.
I'm sorry you found out like that, Mum.
Mummy needed to know.
You girls okay? Want to talk? Was she there? I went to talk to your dad, not her.
Hey, it doesn't matter who she is.
- I hate her already.
- Me too.
Look, when we meet this new girlfriend .
.
we'll be very nice.
Maybe.
More fudge, please.
- All right.
- Oh, yes, okay.
- Dig in.
- Is there any topping left? By exile swift and low, he sets me free.
By Hell's avenging furies, it shall not be! Oh, yeah, thanks, Melissa.
I've got this.
O my Children! You have a city.
You have a home and you can leave me behind you.
I wish you happiness, but not here in this world.
I know indeed what evil I intend to do, but stronger than all thoughts is my fury.
- Fury that - Brings upon - All mortals - The greatest evils! Bravo, Benjamin! Brava, Melissa! What intensity, what passion, what focus! The masculine energy of Melissa with the feminine energy of Benjamin.
Yin and yang, ego and super-ego, one role has just become two.
Children listen! This year, Benjamin and Melissa will both play Medea.
Ben, would you be our man of honour? I do.
Mum Dad Meet your in-laws.
Your Law-in-laws.
- Aussie Aussie Aussie! - Oi oi oi! Are you really thinking of moving? Just say no.
It's not that bad up there.
You guys haven't been.
- They're just trying to trap you.
- Don't be stupid.
If you think everything I do is so stupid, don't come to my wedding.