The Family Stallone (2023) s02e03 Episode Script

MTV. ♪
Okay, here we are.
I'm gonna beat you all
in the long drive contest.
Woke up feelin' fancy ♪
Watch my feet go dancin' ♪
Tulsa King.
- Yeah.
- Hey, guys.
Well, take a look at me now ♪
It's our last hurrah in L.A.
Sistine and I
are taking a red-eye
directly to New York tonight.
I'm so happy to be
going back to the city.
The energy, the people,
the movement.
I am damn well excited
about this.
Yeah, yeah,
I'm just doin' me. ♪
Our little tribe is leaving.
I know. The gang is breaking up.
Change is good.
It's a new chapter.
I'm looking forward
to my freedom--
going out, dancing, drinking,
working, twerking--
no, just kidding.
Lots and lots of dating.
- I haven't golfed
in a long time.
- Oh, just stop,
-please.
-Oh, right away
with the excuses.
Oh.
Topped it.
Scarlet.
What's your trick
to get the balls out?
Mom!
Rip your hips.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, shit.
-Jesus.
-Sorry, guys.
They're all putting helmets on.
I actually taught him golf
in the beginning.
I said-- after
he finished playing polo--
"Hey, how about playing golf?"
And he said,
"No, that's not a cool sport."
And I said, "Let's go
to the driving range
and let's see how cool you are."
He couldn't hit a ball,
-and from that minute on
-I was hooked.
he's been playing golf
for the last, what?
-It's true.
-35 years?
We had our honeymoon
on a golf course.
-That's so not romantic.
-I was there.
Come on now,
roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
Roll with me, baby ♪
You ain't gonna save me ♪
Ooh, ooh. ♪
Sophia, can you get the pink
bag that's in the closet?
Moving to New York with Sophia
is exactly what we needed.
It just feels like such a reset,
such a good, fresh start.
I couldn't be happier.
Sistine, it's not in here.
It is,
'cause I just saw it, babes.
In L.A., Sophia and I lived
in the same apartment building,
but not in the same unit.
Living with her now
has been an adjustment.
I see moon boots.
Sophia, it's th--
I literally just saw it.
I am telling you right now.
I don't see a pink bag.
- I see--
- It's on the shelf.
Sistine, you have ankle weights
for some reason.
Not in the ankle weight one.
It's the one next to that one.
Oh.
That was a different color pink.
What is this?
This is my other toolkit.
If you make this worse,
if we're actually gonna--
Sophia, I almost
fell off the chair
because it was so wobbly.
I think we should just quit this
and get some frozen
espresso martinis.
If there are perhaps men there.
I'm so excited to date again.
That is my favorite pastime.
Dating in L.A.
is so much harder.
The guys in New York,
they're straightforward.
They go after you,
and they're not afraid
to approach a girl,
which I really appreciate.
Don't you feel like you
want to get back
on the horse as well?
Oh, hell no.
I am in my summer of no men.
I'm still writing my book.
I'm excited to explore
and not be tied down
to anything.
My mom and I had a little
conversation about this,
and since then,
everything's just been
really relaxing.
I'll just live vicariously
through Sistine.
She's been
out of the dating scene
for the last four centuries.
She needs to get out there,
fail, kiss, break up, makeup
I text her constantly.
I'm always asking her how
she's feeling about the guys.
I'm just so excited.
It's like my own little
reality show in my apartment.
When we were single,
how many dates did we
realistically go in L.A.?
-A lot.
-You did.
I was home every night.
I got to get out there.
I want to have romantic kisses
in the rain.
I want to get home
at 2:00 in the morning.
I want to get dressed up.
I want to put on a push up bra.
I want to feel sexy.
I want to do it all.
And I didn't do that.
And I'm freaking 25.
I'm in my mid-20s.
I lost my mojo.
Okay, so be Yes Man.
-Be like Jim Carrey
in that one where he
-Maybe.
where he just, you know,
could not say no.
Are you gonna go on dating apps?
Are you gonna go on,
-like, friend meetups--
-I'll go I think,
like, I'll go on apps.
That's the easiest way to do it.
It sounds like torture.
It only takes one
to be the right guy.
Let's try it.
Let's go.
I'm just a genius.
I know my way, baby ♪
Don't go too fast, baby ♪
Take it slow,
take it slow ♪
Have you guys eaten here before?
Yes. I love it.
I cannot believe this will be
my last official lunch.
I didn't wear mascara because I
didn't want to have to ugly cry.
I want to cheers
to beautiful friendships
I've had with you guys.
-Thank you, guys.
-We love you.
-We love you.
-This is bittersweet.
Doesn't matter where you are,
we will be there.
Thank you.
I love what you did
in Palm Beach.
It was a house.
You made it a home.
I want to make it
a little more sexy
and kind of go outside
my box a little bit.
I think that-- that, like,
the sex appeal.
I mean, I think all women,
we all get to a certain age.
-You're not there yet,
by the way.
-But?
We're all there.
I mean, all of us are over 50.
We're all there.
So the one problem I have
with leaving L.A. is
Sly's brother Frank
is here alone.
Frank, he's like a brother to me
and almost like
a fourth child to me.
We're there for him
if he gets sick,
for the holidays
What's this?
Aw, thank you, girls.
Sly isn't as excited as I am
about moving to Florida
with Frank being in L.A.
by himself.
So I want him to have
somebody in his life
to grow older with.
He's already old,
but like older with.
He doesn't have
a girlfriend right now?
He doesn't have a girlfriend.
He doesn't have a wife
or even a dog.
- Okay, well, listen to this.
- I recently split up.
- What?
- Wh-what?
-Oh, I'm sorry.
-I know.
No, no, no. it's good.
It's good.
'Cause you're talking
about Frank,
I'm thinking, I don't know,
is there any
do you think there's
anything? I know, I know.
We're all
We're all looking
All three of us are going.
You would be perfect.
I mean, you're kind of
the whole package.
Do you like musicians?
-Yes. Uh, yes, yes, yes.
-No way.
-And he's fit.
-He's fit.
He's fit. Like Sly.
He exercises probably
five days a week.
Why don't we do a double date?
- Oh.
- You, me,
Frank and Sly.
We'll do an early dinner.
- Sounds like fun.
- No pressure.
I can't wait to call Frank
and tell him
I've got the perfect gal
for him.
Kathy, I've known her for years.
She is independent, hardworking.
There isn't anything
Frank can go,
"Oh, she's not that smart.
"Oh, she doesn't have
a great body.
Oh, she's not that pretty."
She has it all.
Frank has no idea
that his whole future
is being determined
at this lunch in Woodland Hills.
That's the power of women.
-We get it done.
-He's gonna love you.
-Hey, Jen.
-Hey!
-Hi, honey.
-Frankie, how are you?
-Hey, sweetheart.
-Mwah. I think I found
the perfect date for Frank.
Now I have to convince him
that she is perfect for him.
You know, Frank, I know you have
a lot of great friends
-Yeah.
-and everything, but
you know, we're leaving L.A.
and we've always been together
and we're nervous leaving you
sort of here on your own.
-You haven't had the best luck
keeping a girlfriend
-No.
or having any type
of long-term relationships.
I have a really nice girlfriend,
-age appropriate
-Okay.
that's ready to settle down.
Someone that wants
a long-term relationship.
I'm not really
looking for anybody.
I mean, I'm not--
I mean, I've made it so far.
I think Sly and Jen were
kind of thinking,
"One day you'll meet the
right girl." It's like, "Eh."
Forty. "One day."
Fifty
There's always like a plot.
I'm 73.
I think that train has
left the building.
What do you have to lose?
You've tried it your way
-Yeah.
-for 100 years.
Now, why don't you just let me
be in control a little bit
-Okay.
-and let direct you
'cause I'm pretty good
-with relationships.
-Yeah, you're good.
I worry about Frank
because Sly and Frank had
a really difficult upbringing.
Their parents were married
and divorced
dozens of times,
so I just feel like
Frank is a little bit lost
when it comes to
knowing what's really,
really important in life.
Listen, I'm not gonna
steer you wrong.
She's not coming in
a Hoveround, is she?
No, no.
She's not on four wheels.
So, do you trust me?
Yeah, I'll trust you on it.
You know I have to like you
to trust you on that,
-boy, because
-Yeah.
Normally I'd be like,
like "Exit stage left."
I know.
Since moving to New York,
I have made it my mission
to go out more.
My ideal type of guy is smart,
a good conversationalist,
is funny,
and I go out on a date
with a guy
every night of the week,
which is a lot.
I have been meeting
half of the guys
through dating apps
and the other half
has just been organically
walking down the street.
And I know people say
you shouldn't talk
to strangers on the street,
but if he's tall and cute
- Hello, hello.
- Hi.
-Nicholas. Pleasure to meet you.
-Sistine.
So good to meet you.
-I like your glasses.
-Thank you very much.
Personally, if I could
wear glasses, I would.
-Want to try them on?
-Should I try them on?
-I wear nonprescription.
So I'm a fraud.
-Okay.
- Oh, no.
- I do, just for the look.
Okay. Oh, my God. You're blind.
They look great.
-I can't see-- Hi, thank you.
-Hi.
-That's all right.
-Not a problem.
I'll try the spicy Paloma.
-A glass of prosecco.
-Sure.
- Sure.
- Thank you.
Cheers.
Thanks for meeting me.
-You have to do eye contact.
-Did I not?
No. That's seven years
of bad sex.
What's another seven years,
you know?
I know, I have two left, so
So call me in 2024.
-Hold on, you-- What?
-What?
You're not getting sex
from me in 2024.
Oh, my God.
I want to know more about
your dating, though.
-So, I was in a relationship
almost a year ago
-Okay.
and then post-that,
I started subletting
Oh, were you living
with your ex?
-For less than a month.
-What?
-Yeah.
-How-- I'm not gonna ask
what happened, but
-Okay.
-Yeah.
My dad tells me
you'll know within
the first five minutes
whether it's going to be
a great date
or you're not into it,
and I knew
within the first five seconds.
-Hi.
-How are you?
Good. This is a cool spot.
Do you live around here?
Yeah, I live in, uh, the Bronx.
How long have you been on
dating apps?
I, like, just got on
'cause, I, like,
broke things off
with a girl I was
-seeing before, so
-Uh-oh.
You're ready
to be back out there?
I'm sure you have
a good reason for being late.
I had a, uh,
nine-hour drive, so
-Nine-- From where?
-Ohio.
You drove from Ohio here?
Yep. I'm here now, so
How long are you here for?
-I will be here for the weekend.
-And then, you're driving back
-to Ohio?
-Yeah, I'll drive back to Ohio.
I was a little bit shocked
that he said that
he'd driven in from Ohio
for this date.
I'm flattered.
Thank you. But why?
I took a girl
to this vineyard in Napa
So it's almost like I'm part
therapist or something
really worth
the human element behind it.
In the end, you have to think
sometimes I'm just
sitting there for hours
listening to them talk
about different things.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know a little bit about that.
I like my space.
-So you don't need to
-Like, if anything,
I'm kind of bad.
-So you'd rather be alone?
-Yeah.
-Your nipple was out.
-My nipple's not out.
-Almost.
-Ooh! Oh, no.
All downhill from here.
- Okay,
so what do you do?
- I mostly do boxing.
I'm sure your father taught you,
uh, how to throw a punch well.
It was actually every morning
before school.
What's your zodiac sign?
-So, I'm a Cancer.
-Oh.
-I'm a Virgo.
-Oh, man, you're a Virgo?
All of my exes were Cancer men.
Who says
that we're not compatible?
-Your psychic?
-My sister.
And my dad.
Now, if it's not
too much to ask,
I'd love if you
and your father could sign 'em.
Oh, um, y-- uh, yeah, yeah.
Sign a glove? Really?
I'm dating a fan of my dad's.
Again.
Jesus Christ.
Do you want to date me or Sly?
Yeah.
- Hi.
- God, how was it?
Oh, no. So
I thought this was
gonna be a good one.
I don't know.
I feel like I'm tired, Sophia.
I feel like this pile
of trash right now.
Y-You've been on just
a dating bender right now.
Dating with the last name
"Stallone"
has never been easy.
I think it's hard
to trust guys' intentions
going into it in the beginning.
You never really know
if someone's dating you for you.
I mean, if-- in my perfect
world, I'd love to go
into a situation when
no one knew my name at all.
You know what's so annoying
is when they kind of give away
one thing about them that you're
just like, "I can't do it."
-I know, and they're so nice.
-It's like
I have an idea, but I don't
want you to kill me.
Hear me out.
There's a guy named Harrison,
and when we had our podcast,
he reached out and he said
that you guys would be perfect
for his show called UpDating.
And it's a live dating show.
-Huh? It better be for you.
-And I said
UpDating has
incredible possibility.
First off, you're all
blindfolded, so you can't
judge someone on looks
like a dating app.
Two, you have
to actually have some
chat, banter and personality.
You can't just run on
those pretty blue eyes.
And three, no one knows
that she's a Stallone,
so they're just gonna
fall in love with her for her.
You go on three, basically,
two or three live blind dates
on stage.
-What do you mean by l
-Like, live
-live?
-Like, audience.
You're blindfolded,
because they choose
In front of an audience?
No, no, listen, listen.
This is so unexpected from her,
because this is something
I would do to her.
You get asked questions,
but then potentially,
at the end of it,
you get a date.
There's no way. There's no way.
Are you insane?
I cannot believe it.
At this point, I'm thinking,
"No."
Is this already, like, a thing
set up or is this an idea?
-I-It's kind
-Just tell me it's an idea.
It's kind of-- it's kind of
set up, it's kind of set up,
because I told them
that you'd be totally interested
-'cause you said
you were a yes person.
-Sophia.
- Are you No!
- Why?
-Because no.
-Why? 'Cause you're a yes girl.
If I did this to Sophia,
there's no way she would do it.
In fact, she would
scream at me so much
until I would have to step in
to replace her.
Although, secretly,
I'm kind of excited
because it's so random,
and how many times can I say
I did a live blind dating show?
But I'll never tell her that.
Are you excited about
the double date tonight?
-I'll give it 12 minutes.
-Don't be so hopeful.
I'm just telling you.
Maybe 11.
I have hopes
because I would really love
to leave L.A. knowing
he's got a partner.
And I think that'd be
really nice for him.
Okay. I want you to be
super encouraging
for this, okay?
And don't cut down your brother.
Don't make-- Don't tease him.
'Cause he'll get embarrassed.
Don't tease him.
Promise.
So, Kathy, I'm super excited
for you to meet Frank.
I think that you guys
would really hit it off.
When was his last, like,
relationship?
When was the last one
that was, like?
Oh, shit, Lincoln was
in the White House.
Mary Todd.
- Hello, hello, hello.
- Hey.
-Hi, Frankie.
-Hey, babe.
How are you?
-Hello. Mwah.
-Uh?
-Hi.
-This is Kathy. This is Frank.
-Hey.
-Hi.
Oh, hi, Kathy.
My brother Frank,
he had a rough childhood,
so I don't think
he ever got the kind of love
that was necessary.
So he became very,
very independent.
He's so critical
with his girlfriends.
I say, "Frank, just because
she has seven toes,
"what's the big deal?
You know, you can get
around that."
We're gonna hold our breath
and cross our fingers
that he makes it
through the meal,
if nothing else,
to make Jennifer happy.
Well, cheers to new friendships.
-Yes, absolutely.
-And new relationships.
-Yeah.
-Jennifer.
You've been together forever.
-How lo--
-Thirty-two years.
-Thirty-five.
-Thirty-six.
-You're not serious.
-But she's 36.
Yeah, we met, we met,
we met in '88.
So you were 12.
- There you go.
- She was four.
Yeah.
So I-I hear you only date
younger women, though.
-So, what is that
what is that all about?
-O kay.
-That is not true.
-What is that all about?
Did that come from Jennifer?
I don't actually date.
- Oh, geez.
- You know
what I think it is?
-What?
-Personality.
-Well, look at you
and Sly's age.
-There we go, there we go.
I think women like to laugh and
they like little offbeat humor.
- That's true.
- He was always funny.
-Yeah.
-So in other words,
-and you love to laugh.
-I love to laugh.
You're like
his best audience, so
-Yeah, I love laughing.
-Who's funnier?
-He kills me.
-He kills it.
He is one of the funniest
people I've ever met.
Like, when he tried to pull
my father's teeth out
when he was sleeping,
I thought that was,
that was really funny.
"Yo, where my teeth is?"
You know what I love
about this? You guys both
are into fitness
and you both know about
fitness from,
you know, 50 years ago
-and today. I mean, it's
-We could go back 100 years.
-A hundred? Come on.
-My mother had this
ratty show on TV
in the 1950s called Barbella's,
where she actually
lifted weights on the show.
It was a workout show?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Your mother?
- And my mother would do
incline with barbells.
You know, wearing
the white short shorts
and the top, you know?
So we had like a bench
and some barbells and dumbbells.
And I was getting pretty
I wasn't huge,
but I was in good shape.
Arms are like 15 and a half, 16,
-but they aren't
-You wish.
-They're like 12.
-No, no.
Yes, they were.
No, mine got bigger.
That was your thigh.
Wasn't your arm.
So the object of the date
was to hook me up with someone.
By the time he's done
fucking ragging on me,
no one wanted
to ever be with me.
One of the great joys in my life
is to poke fun at my brother.
Trash-talking each other
keeps us young and vibrant.
I'm really happy because
you guys seem like
you are kind of
having a great time.
Jennifer,
stop getting into analysis.
Here we go. Thank you.
I think the date
went really well.
I mean,
they seemed to hit it off.
They had a lot in common,
so even if they don't
work out romantically,
if nothing else,
they can go work out together.
This was so much fun.
I had the best time with you.
I mean, I feel better
knowing that
somebody's here with Frank
that can help him
and take care of him
because he doesn't
ever do this.
So this is a great thing.
I don't get up
as fast as I used to.
- How's your back?
- Oh
My back is killing me.
-I'm nervous.
-Since Sophia has committed me
to doing UpDating,
I can't back out.
Make some noise for Sistine.
Last time I saw you,
you were holding your back.
Now I have to have
another back operation.
No.
Sly going
into surgery,
it's really scary
because the worst thing
could happen.
Come on now,
roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
Ooh, ooh ♪
Roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
Roll with me, baby ♪
You ain't gonna save me ♪
Ooh, ooh. ♪
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