The Lake (2022) s02e03 Episode Script

1
That's good. So good.
Maizers? You okay?
I just finished Mom's "fuck-it" list.
She wants to spend her
last summer here with me?
Fuck it. I'm gonna make her do
all the boring cottage stuff
she hated here growing up.
Your plan is to bore her?
Yeah. It'll either force
her to confess her diagnosis
or hop on the next flight to Madrid.
I'm starting with the Boathouse's
Annual General Meeting at Jayne's.
Dad used to make us go every summer
and it drove Mom bananas.
Derrick used to make you go to AGMs?
You don't just become Boathouse
president. You're groomed.
I was framed!
My fireworks should be in
this box, but they're gone.
They set fire to the Boathouse.
That's how combustion works.
Not today, science.
They're gone because
someone took them out
and started the fire
after I took them safely outside
the Boathouse. Do you see?
The box has been opened
and it's not even singed.
There's an arsonist among us.
Who would set fire to the Boathouse?
Believe the victim, Maisy.
Not how that's used.
Look, I need your help.
I need your help to unmask the arsonist,
redeem my good name and
win back the man I love.
Go to bed, Justin.
Okay, but I'm the big spoon.
Maisy's big spoon.
Can we just send him to Madrid?
They won't let him back in.
The paella was laced.
Hi. Riley, we're having a
conversation as two people do.
I, uh, I need to tell you,
I didn't burn down the
Boathouse. I was framed.
Like people frame people.
Oh my God, I sound crazy. This
is crazy. I'm a crazy person.
Because he's not gonna believe you.
Forgivesies?
My dad's gonna call because I told him,
you and Riley made up
and I'm staying with you
giving nature tours with
Parks Canada all summer
because my mom will freak
if she knows that I blew off
the internship to plant
trees. So back me up
and do whatever it takes
to fix things with Riley
or my parents will
never forgive me. Okay?
And the cherry on my anxiety sundae.
Just be yourself. But do the opposite
of every instinct you ever have.
Okay, gotta run. Love you. Bye.
My God, I see more of
me in her every day.
I come in peace
or pieces.
You see this?
Top wedding fail.
Thanks to you, I'm a fucking meme.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You didn't deserve any of this.
How's the patient feeling?
Don't get your hopes up.
Miles away from last rites.
I have all your favourites here.
Cacao, chia pudding,
mushroom tea, and a triple-triple.
Oh No arsenic?
No, I'm saving that for lunch.
No, no.
I do not wanna waste any more time
being mad about the past.
Oh, sweetie, that's wonderful to hear.
So I made a list.
Oh, of course, you did.
It's very Virgo of you.
Of all our favourite cottage things
to do together before you, you know.
Walk into the light
in a blaze of Quaaludes
and an '83 Clicquot?
The the Boathouse's AGM at Jayne's
is the perfect place to start.
We really need to figure out
what we're doing with that Boathouse.
Oh, I remember those.
Flights to Singapore were shorter.
Should only take four,
five, maybe six hours.
You cannot put a clock on democracy.
Will there be cocktails?
Be right there!
Hey! You found me. I was
gonna call search and rescue.
Brought my own flares this time.
Cute outfit. The bugs are gonna love it.
Oh, I doubt that because
I came prepared this time.
Point Thunberg.
So is there somewhere
private that I can change?
Uh
- Is there somewhere else?
- Uh, Urban Outfitters?
Point Ivy.
There's not much privacy in the bush.
- Hope you're cool with it.
- Yeah, totally cool.
Okay. We're talking a lot of body hair.
Like a lot. Not that there's
anything wrong with body hair.
We are very body positive around here.
- Too positive.
- Hey.
Oh, Jesus, Krusty Jake.
Please fix your sarong.
Sorry.
So what do you think?
I think
Girl Guides didn't prepare you for this.
All right, people. Let's dig some holes.
Let's plant some trees.
All right.
This must be the longest
you've gone without talking.
Well, Billie said to do the opposite
of every instinct I have, so.
- You're dying inside?
- It's unbearable. Yeah.
Are you sure you're okay with her
staying for the summer?
Been nice having her around, actually.
We went shopping yesterday for her gear.
You guys went shopping without me?
Just boots and bugs stuff.
Like cute boots and bug stuff?
Why the face?
Billie stayed like you wanted.
Yeah, I mean, she's staying with you.
I wanted her to stay with me.
That's on you.
Ah, man. Riley, I
I don't know why I ran,
but I know it's not why
the Boathouse burned down.
I think that someone stole my fireworks
and started the fire
and I can't prove it.
But I was thinking maybe
with your RKI smarts,
and my good looks,
we can get in there and crack the case.
God, your life should be
a fucking Bravo series.
You know, that's so weird.
I was just saying that
to Billie the other day.
Oh, that's not a compliment.
He has a baby in high school.
Gives it up, comes out, gets kicked out,
moves across the planet,
dates a Hemsworth.
From Coff's Harbour.
Gets divorced, comes home,
defeats evil stepsister,
and makes up with his kid.
Redneck Riley was never
gonna be good enough
for the Justin show.
That's not true. It sounds like a hit.
I tried it your way.
Spontaneous proposal, shotgun wedding.
But being meme-ed by a
bunch of side characters
that's probably what I deserved.
That's not true. Riley, that's not true.
Riley! Riley!
Riley, your
Okay
Okay.
Good stuff.
Good stuff.
Oh, my God.
Hey, Kombuch!
How you holding up?
Good, thanks.
And, uh, thank you for
setting things up with Ivy.
Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm happy to.
- Thirsty?
- What? No.
Oh yeah, totally.
Care for some highballer wisdom?
What?
When you pound a lot of
trees, you're a highballer.
When you do whatever that is
- Lowballer. Got it.
- Yeah.
It's okay. Couldn't plant
for shit my first season.
How many summers did you plant?
Two now.
Got my first job last
year of high school.
Let me show you a proper pounding.
So, first
you use your cream spoon, right?
You dig out your piece.
Align your sapling with the root,
and you grip the trunk firmly,
cut the bottom,
plug the hole.
Perfect pounding.
Praise Treezus.
- Hey!
- God, this is a crazy turnout for an AGM.
Yeah, well, AGM's on hold
until we can get another lifeguard.
'Cause the girls won't
work the nude beach
- so Jaynie's covering it.
- Yeah.
Have you seen the Quads?
Because I really got talk to
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Cowering Inferno.
- Hey!
You listen here, all right?
This is Jaynie's first presidency
and this Boathouse is gonna be the tits.
So I can't be working
canteen, snack bar,
rentals and putting out your fires.
I not I didn't start the fire.
Wayne, stop this. There's an arson
You're outta here. Sorry, bud.
Wow! AGMs have really changed
since Derrick was president.
This is gonna be fun.
We can't discuss the Boathouse
resale at a frat house kegger.
Well, thank God for that.
Talking shop really
dulls the barbiturates.
We don't drink at AGMs
anymore. Maisy's bylaw.
That's how Ulrika got her nude beach.
Regime changes are hard.
Marie Antoinette lost her head,
but she would've lost her
mind sending email reminders
for the First Republic.
But you would've done very well, Mother.
Careful, you two.
Don't make me save you.
Watch out for that glass on the beach.
That bum needs more SPF.
Jayne, how are we gonna
have an AGM in this?
Get it under control.
Under your control.
I told you that I would
bring fun back to the lake.
Fun, this is Maisy. Maisy, this is fun.
I know fun. I put the F-U in fun.
The Boathouse is for
families, not sad swingers.
Sorry, Janine, my daughter's rigid.
It's her Capricorn moon. Negroni?
Ah, no.
Somehow Maisy picked
up the most boring parts
of my late husband when
he took her under his wing.
OMJeepies, you're so right!
Remember how Derrick got
so Shrek when he was Prez?
He was not. Dad was
As stale as your biscuits.
My biscuits have been
featured in Canadian Living.
- Twice.
- I have copies.
Well, I think your Boathouse
is a big improvement on the original.
Even if the Hall
Monitor doesn't think so.
- Come on.
- Oh, I shouldn't.
- Hi, girls.
- Stalk much?
Why aren't you answering my DMs?
Are you verified?
I'm gonna pretend like that didn't hurt
and that your approval
means nothing to me.
Hey, I need any photos or videos
that you guys took of my wedding.
They're already posted, pyro.
Well, do you have any unposted
or maybe some some deleted?
- They're in photo heaven.
- It's called the Cloud, Keri.
Clouds are in heaven.
You guys, I'll take
anything that you got.
There might be something on there
that could help me
fix things with Riley.
And I know you wanna see
us get back together, right?
No, we just wanna see Riley's OnlyFans.
Yeah, that would be kinda hot.
No, wait, just be an ally
here, would you? Come on.
Well, then can you end
Mom's oldstravaganza?
Or wormhole us to Tulum?
Yeah.
What if I could bring it here?
Find you some cute F boys.
- What?
- Don't go anywhere.
Where's he gonna find that?
It's a thunderbox.
Portable toilet.
Dig a hole. Pop on top.
- Make your drop.
- Oh, I
I think I can hold it.
You drank four canteens.
Yep. Nope. I'm gonna hold it.
No, no, no, no. Sorry, man.
Oh, my God.
Oh, sorry. Are you guys in line?
- Mm-mm.
- Okay.
He'll be done in a sec.
Quid fro-yo, Billie Barnes.
I lied to your parents. So
if you want me to make things
right with Riley,
then I need you to send
some gaggy
tree-planter-fireman-calendar-types
over to Jayne's stat.
Hard pass on body musk
and white guys with dreads.
Come on.
I'll be there in 30.
I
Wow! I'm good at this.
Justin! I know you're still here.
Shit!
- This is all falling apart.
- I know.
The AGM was supposed to
bore my mom into leaving.
How is this happening?
I won three championships,
but now I'm mixing drinks for Wayne?
And my mom is getting along with Jayne?
- Jayne can be fun.
- Fun?
In a Jell-o shots kinda way.
- I'm fun.
- I know.
But your mom loves an audience.
And Jayne plays a great second fiddle.
I did it one time.
Well, if we can't bore her into leaving,
we can send her packing by stealing
the one thing she wants most.
- Opal's kidneys.
- The spotlight.
Oh.
There's only one person I can ask.
Crazy-May.
Bitch better buckle up
because fun's a'comin'.
What if Opal sees? If he sees
Tell him Mommy loves him.
And then get him the hell out of here.
Let's Jekyll and Hyde this shit.
Would you guys just answer my texts?
How is the foot box talking?
Stay! Dad's still looking for you.
Okay. But Billie's here.
And she brought a DJ for each of you.
- I'm taking that one.
- No, I want that one.
All right, now deal's a
deal. Gimme the footage.
Yep, let's go.
Yes!
Oh, hey, Olive. Billie
brought a boy for you too.
Oh, I'm sapiosexual.
Oh, we all are, sweetheart.
Until they won't shut up
about vinyl or Foucault.
She's getting smarter.
Uh-uh. You need life jackets.
Oh, come on. Don't you
have a basement for that?
- Ulrika!
- Uh-huh? Yes?
Think of the children.
That would be weird, no?
The nude beach is supposed
to be on Wayne's half.
Oh.
- Hey.
- What?
I know you told me to stay on
my side of the Boathouse but
we're outta snacks, beer, propane
and coasters.
You can't get water rings
outta my coffee table, Wayne.
They say that you can, but you can't.
Okay. And don't freak out
but I think I may have heard
Justin's voice somewhere.
It's all going to dumpers.
My first day as president.
Okay.
I'll send Victor on a coaster run.
Opal's helping out in the
kitchen, doing the best he can.
And the girls are still
looking for Justin. Okay?
We'll make it work, Jaynie.
It's gonna be the best Boathouse ever.
Woo-hooo!
Yes, girl!
Party's here, bitches.
- It's
- Crazy-May.
We have to go.
But it's the best I can do.
Orpheus Protocol like we practiced.
Number one rule?
Whatever happens,
don't look at Crazy-May.
Oh my God!
Dad, I'm scared.
Woo-hoo!
- She's out of control.
- Wasn't this an AGM?
Yeah. Bring it, Saggy Balls!
I pound beers for breakfast!
Yes!
You two, move!
Justin! Get back here, Lovejoy!
Don't mind if I do!
My blindfold is slipping!
I'm putting you down. Don't look.
Coming in hot. Coming in hot.
You wanna piece, booster seat? Huh?
- Huh?
- Mommy.
Come on.
That's how you cottage, bitches.
She didn't come with me.
Oh! Drink! Oh! Drink!
Hurry up.
It's an emergency!
Oh, thank God.
- Is Wayne out there?
- No, gone.
Coaster emergency in the living room.
Okay.
Well, as much as I love
a potty party, I'm
- Wait, wait. Stay.
- Please.
Ooh.
What's Riley feeding you?
I've been holding it all day
because tree planters do
their business on boxes
in front of everyone.
Justin, there was this guy, pushing.
The sounds, the veins in his neck.
Oh, my baby. It's okay.
It's okay. It's over now.
No, you don't understand.
I have to learn how to go
in public or I'll never
survive the summer.
Or a bachelorette.
I'm gonna be right behind that curtain.
Just don't look.
Or listen. Or breathe.
Okay.
- Oh, and turn on the water.
- Already on it.
Oh, God.
Okay, Billie. You can do this.
Oh my God. Come on.
You can go in front of your birth dad.
The Boathouse is closed!
Party's over.
Get outta my house!
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
That means you too, Maisy.
You can't kick me outta the Boathouse.
I made the Boathouse.
I am the Boathouse. Oh.
See, this is why I hid all
the birthday invitations
that came for her 'cause
she can't handle the sugar.
I can handle it till sunrise.
You'll puke.
More room for the next round.
Okay, Drunksy. I think
it's time to go home.
Where's Victor?
He ran like a weak ass bitch.
Justin can take her home.
Oh, you pissed yourself, Justine?
No. And thanks to me, Billie
will never have to either.
Wait, that sounds weird. No, I she
she gets bladder block in public.
Yeah. Not getting better, bud.
Can you just take your sister home?
- She's not my sister.
- I'm not his sister.
Ugh.
All right, let's go.
Oh. Oh, no, this ain't over.
I'll be back on the board
as soon as my mom kicks it.
And my AGM's gonna kick your AGM's ass.
Settle down, child. God!
We can't host the Boathouse
at our cottage anymore.
You said our cottage.
I'm sorry I pimped you
out to the Barbie brigade
so I didn't have to thunderbox.
No, it's cool. The normal one
hid me until you finished your business.
Oh yeah. Olive's cool, huh?
Hey, what's the rush?
Oh, well, Ivy already
thinks I can't cut it.
And that was the longest break
in the history of breaks, so.
Okay. Don't sweat it.
Me and Ivy, we go way back.
I could put in a good word.
Wow. I mean, that would
be, like, super cool of you.
So when you say you go way
back, do you mean like
- this?
- No, gross.
Uh, Ivy's my sister.
- Is that weird?
- Nope. No. Not weird.
Not weird at all.
Okay.
We should go.
Oh, my God.
I need one more drink.
- One more drink.
- No, no.
You need a egg and cheese.
And you need a stomach pump.
- Watch your step.
- Ugh! Just put DUI
to bed with a bucket
and she won't remember
anything in the morning.
I totally broke that
kid's nose in Spike Ball.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Not for you, boo.
- What?
Fine. Fine. It's fine. I'll stop
co-sleeping with you and Victor.
I can I can stay.
I can only handle one
wildfire at the cottage
and after what Opal saw today,
I don't think he's
gonna let me stay here.
Somewhere on this phone is
proof that I'm an innocent man.
That you would all be bar-b-que flambé
if I hadn't run for the hills. Stop!
I'm a hero.
And you're gonna feel
so bad if you kick me out
when I'm the only
reason that you're alive.
Sweet dreams, Justine.
Wait. No. Come back. Don't
I don't have any place else to go.
Come on.
I'm an inside cat.
Best wedding ever!
Come, come. Hey!
Riley?
What?
Hey!
Hey!
Why?