The Last Kids on Earth (2019) s02e03 Episode Script

1
[wind whistling]
[all panting]
[roaring]
We're not gonna make it, friends!
[roars]
-[all panting]
-[monster squeals]
[roars]
Can't let it get away.
We haven't gotten the essence
of a mouth breather yet!
We are so bad at catching monsters today!
How about canning the chatter
'til we catch the thing?
Sheesh, you talk more with three mouths
than this big ugly does with 15!
[roaring]
Whoa!
[screaming]
It went inside the Stuff Mart!
Grab its essence!
[pants] Wait! What is his essence?
I'm looking, I'm looking!
Uhh!
Maybe you should look where you're going?
[huffs] What is essence anyway?
-[cans clattering]
-[roars]
Yah!
[Quint] What is a monster's essence?
Well, Thrull's bestiary makes it clear
that it's unique to each creature.
The leathery skin of the Winged Wretch,
a Dozer's gnarled toenail,
the Wormungulous's goo.
You're hilarious, Jack.
[Jack laughs] You said "goo."
-[grunts]
-[Quint] I got it! I got it!
I don't got it.
June! Catch!
[grunts]
[camera clicking]
Ah! Got the photo!
[roars]
Now we just need a tooth!
On it!
[glass clatters]
-He went that way.
-[sighs]
Dirk, flank left. I'll cover the right.
Jack, go high.
And, Quint, if it doubles back,
don't let it get past you.
You got it!
Wait, how am I supposed to do that?
[Dirk, June panting]
Yah! Gotcha!
You're not goin'
Ooh! Unhh!
-Ah!
-[roars]
He's wall crawling! C-Can he do that?
Come on, Quint. You can do this!
[roaring]
[grunting]
[roaring]
Unhh! Aaah!
Aah!
Oh! Aah!
Surprise aerial attack!
-Aah!
-Whoa!
Whoaohhhohh!
[roars]
[grunting]
Jack, hold on! [grunting]
I got it!
[roaring]
[Quint] We did it!
Unhh! Ahh!
Yay.
[wind whistling]
[whistles]
-Huh!
-[barks]
Perfecto teamwork.
I loved how June was all
"Dirk, flank left, six o'clock,
I'll go right commando style."
I don't sound like that.
[laughs] You so do.
Heh! And Jack, the way you
rode that thing like a rodeo rider!
The way we cornered that thing
like people who corner things!
Yeah. Oh, and Quint,
youyou got stuck
in a tough spot there, dude.
Hmm.
-Hyah!
-[barks]
Wait. Guys?
Listen.
[wind whistling]
-I don't hear anything.
-Exactly.
There's a serious lack
of undead groaning in the air.
Usually this area's full of zombies.
Don't you think that's weird?
Maybe? But what isn't weird these days?
Me.
Yah!
Uh, hey, friend, the whole thing
that just transpired,
with the mouth breather, did I?
Yeah, that was crazy, huh?
It's just, uh,
I don't think I helped much.
I'mI'm feeling a bit
like a Mortimer Biddle.
-Who?
-From our comic book,
Ninja Space Avenger in Space!
[dramatic fanfare]
Mortimer, intruder alert!
Unknown vessels approaching,
and it looks like ninjas.
Space ninjas!
Don't worry, Captain.
I'll defend the ship! [farts]
You're no Mortimer.
You're Captain Banner.
Here, Quint, I know how you can help.
Hold this.
That's monster number 12!
[jackpot-style beeping]
That's disgusting.
You got a problem with melting teeth?
Not that. You just slapped
the picture in there crooked.
-Don't you care how it looks?
-Uh-oh!
The editor of the Parker Middle School
Gazette is back.
I feel so useful.
Hey, presentation is
just as important as accuracy.
-Says who?
-Oh, I don't know
hundreds of years of journalism?
[groans] Enough playful banter.
So are we gonna go look
for more monster essence or what?
-[rumbling]
-[growls]
-Aah!
-[roars]
[all scream]
That's Grravel.
-[growls]
-[Jack] Grravel,
30 feet tall, 10 feet wide,
or 10 feet tall and 30 feet wide.
Depends on its mood.
Can shapeshift into whatever it wants.
[monster growls]
Maybe we can tackle Grravel another day.
Pizza break?
I could eat.
[engine roaring]
[zombie moans]
-[zombie] Oh!
-[truck doors open, close]
-[moans]
-Hey, Bruce.
-Hi, Bruce.
-Greetings, Bruce.
-What's up, Bruce?
-[moans]
[chatter]
Thrull!
We got another five pages.
Excellent! It is vital
that the bestiary be completed soon.
You've done well.
Oh, not just me.
Dirk tackled one, June wrangled another.
-And Quint
-I did nothing.
Stop saying that!
Yeah, Quint was behind us all the way.
[laughs] Way behind us!
I'm totally kiddin', dude.
Let's celebrate
with some hot garlic sammiches.
Yay. Celebrate.
I'm gonna celebrate
with the original bestiary.
[slurps] Hmm.
Uh-hunh! Oh!
Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to squash you.
Guess my mind was somewhere else.
It's just I don't know
why filling Thrull's book
is such a priority right now.
No one cared that much about my bestiary.
See? Pretty cool, huh?
Sure, it isn't magic,
-but mine has Velcro.
-[Velcro snapping]
[grunting]
[grunts]
Aah! [coughing]
Just breathe. You'll be fine.
You must be immersed
in the Scrandena's stomach acid
for minutes before it
dissolves human flesh.
Good to know.
You are the one called June, yes?
Quint.
June, do you know how important it is
to complete this bestiary?
I do. It has
invaluable research potential.
This is true.
I just I'm not much of a team asset,
not compared to the others.
[Thrull] Hold your words.
I am not an expert on human emotion,
nor do I care to be, but I do know this.
[grunts] Each member of a tribe
does what he can.
And every bit helps.
Here. This is for you.
Wow! Does it glow
when monsters are nearby?
Or grant invisibility?
Ah, even better.
It is symbolic.
Oh.
I bestow it upon you in the belief that
you have the strength to be indispensable.
-You just need to tap into it, June.
-Ooh!
You think so? Wow!
Okay! I will make every effort and prove
to my friends that I am brave, strong,
and Quint-essential!
We're bestiary questing ♪
Questing for beasts ♪
We're gonna take their picture ♪
And maybe their teeeeeth ♪
Eww, don't do finger teeth. It's weird.
And are we decided on bestiary questers?
'Cause kinda lame.
Hmm, I agree, except for the "kinda."
I like it!
Bestiary questing is the life for me ♪
Well, maybe not.
Still no zombies.
Maybe they staggered south for the winter.
Look, I started keeping a log.
There were zero zombies at the park,
none by the school,
and only one by the mall.
That's hundreds of zombies vanished!
-Look at this.
-[Jack grunts]
[June] The power plant then and now.
Then and now.
Let me see!
-[chokes, coughs]
-Then and now.
-Then and now.
-[groans]
-Sheesh.
-You make a painful point.
Ach. But I'm still not sure
what the problem is.
[sighs] You wouldn't get it.
Reporter's instinct.
I just know there's something about this
that's not right!
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.
-[metal creaking]
-[June] Uh, a little bit later.
I can do this.
Let's do this! Achh!
Uh, dude? Not sure we're ready
for something that big yet.
Oh, darn!
Whew.
-[hooting in the distance]
-[growls]
[hooting continues]
[gasps] There, look!
We got that one yet?
Um, Water Fowl!
[hoots]
We will momentarily.
[hooting]
Yeah, we will!
[hooting loudly]
[all panting]
-[hooting]
-[Jack] I see it!
[hooting]
[hoots]
It just ducked behind that car!
And that Water Fowl's got my name on it.
Fine. We'll do what we always do.
Come up with a great strategy,
each do our parts, close in.
And then at the last minute, Jack
will ignore the plan and just rush him.
-Love it!
-No! Not this time.
This time, I rush him!
What? [laughs]
Look who put on his big boy pants.
-You sure?
-Not literally, Jack!
He's clearly wearing the same pants.
When would he have changed pants?
One hundred percent ready, big-time!
It's my name written on this Fowl!
[hooting]
-[walkie-talkie static]
-[June] Another prime zombie location.
Another place devoid of zombies.
This isn't freaking you guys out?
I don't know. [grunts]
There's only four of us
left here to eat. [grunts]
Not exactly a zombie smorgasbord.
Maybe they moved on
to, you know, meatier pastures.
If that's true,
why not bug out weeks ago?
Why now?
[slurps, hoots]
I take it you have a hypothesis?
[screeches]
What if there's a monster out there
that we haven't discovered yet?
Something ancient.
A huge one that's developed
a taste for human flesh.
[roaring]
Uh, guys? Not to derail the debate
-[hooting]
-but I've got eyes on the Fowl!
It's go time! This is gonna be great.
This is gonna be serious!
It's gonna be post-awesome
apocalyptic-ness of awesome! Of Of
-You done, bud?
-Yep.
Okay, guys, move in on five, four
[Quint yells]
[hisses]
Yahh! Unh! It startled me!
Did you know it could do that?
I didn't know it could do that!
[hisses]
[grunting]
[screeching]
And now go free,
my fine-feathered friend.
[laughs]
-[laughing, cheering]
-[beeping]
[sighs] Okay, minor setback.
But this next one is all yours,
Quint Baker.
[roars]
[screeches]
[grunting]
-[beeping]
-[laughs]
-Hah!
-[screeches]
Aah!
Unhh!
[grunts, groans]
[beeping]
[growling]
Unhhh yeah!
-[roars]
-Unhh!
-Ah, ha, ha!
-[beeping]
[monster growling]
How am I supposed to get that?
-Got it!
-[beeping]
-Another one! Another one!
-[beeping]
-An-n-n-n-nother one!
-[beeping]
This bestiary is gettin' filled!
Oh, come on!
Hey, uh, what's up with Quint?
-[rumbling]
-Oh, no!
W-What's up with that Grravel?!
[growling]
Not ready yet.
[vehicle approaching]
Uh, we've covered this area.
So let's try here next,
north of the school.
[metallic ringing]
[ringing continues]
I, uh I think that's, uh,
as sharp as it's gonna get.
Oh. Yeah.
[sighs] It's just that I'm worried.
What if whatever is taking these zombies
tries to take one of us?
-I think you're right.
-You do?
Yeah, but I don't think
it's a monster taking them.
Seriously? Then what?
[whispers] Alien abduction.
Pfft! Oh, come on! Little green men?
You read way too many comic books.
That's all those two nerds have
in that stupid tree house!
I'd kill for a cookbook.
I've killed for less.
Look, I'm serious!
When my mom was still around,
she'd tell me about some freaky things
that went down when she was a kid,
serious close encounter stuff.
Are you messing with me?
No, just ask Quint.
With all the planets and all the stars
and all the galaxies,
there's no way we're
the only ones in the universe.
Heck, these monsters prove that.
[engine revving]
[monster screeches]
I guess so.
But why would aliens want zombies?
Experiments.
[groans]
[speaking alien language]
-[buzzing]
-[groaning]
-[speaking alien language]
-[screams]
Yeah, let me write that down.
[tires squealing]
I guess we're here.
Let the bestiary questing resume.
Keep your eyes open for the Bindlesaurs.
This is their turf.
Ah, we're doing great with essences,
but we still need photos
of some of these guys.
Wait a minute. Quint!
Do you have your book?
Oh, cool, yeah!
I got it right here.
Thanks, buddy.
I knew it was gonna be useful.
[gasps]
[in slow motion] No!
Sweet!
See? You're a huge help.
Okay, that's fine.
I'm fine. Yeah, everything is great.
Everything is just great!
-What are you?
-It's great, okay?!
Seriously, what's up with him?
[grunting]
Ow! What is?
[Thrull, echoing] Symbolic June
I'll show them.
I'll show them all
what Quint Baker can do!
-But how?
-[Grravel growls]
Yah! Unhh!
Unh! No Bindlesaurs in there.
Unhh!
Hey, uh, have either
of you guys seen Quint?
[grunts]
[growling]
You can do this.
Ahhhh!
Ahh!
[roars]
Ahh!
-[growls]
-[grunting]
[growls]
Quint Baker's quick-drying
ping-pong glue-nade!
Patent pending!
[growls, roars]
-Aaah!
-[metallic crashing]
What was that?
Ahh!
[grunting]
[growls]
[roaring]
And that, friends, is how Quint Baker
[growls]
Oh, funnel cake.
-[screaming]
-[roaring]
[Quint screams]
Quint! What was he doing out there?
-[Quint screams]
-Why did he go out on his own?
[high-pitched screaming]
How does he scream so high?
[panting]
Aaah!
-Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
-[key clatters]
[all growling]
-Quint!
-Don't move! We're coming!
I can do this.
Ahhhhh!
[roars]
[roaring]
-What do we do?!
-[growling]
Grab hands! We're goin' in!
-[growls]
-Ahh!
We are in way over our heads
[grunts]
[growls]
[wind howling]
Ahh!
[grunting]
[roaring]
[all panting]
What were you thinking?!
-You could have been killed!
-For no reason at all!
Not for no reason!
[spits]
He got it.
The creature's essence was in his mouth!
That's a sentence
I never thought I'd hear.
You do the honors, Quint.
[rumbling]
[roaring]
[all screaming]
Stand back, friends!
[growls]
I'm out of ping-pong balls.
Gonna have to switch strategies.
-Oh, no! Where's the key?
-[growls]
Ahh!
-Unh!
-[growling]
[pants] Hey!
I've got a bone to pick with you!
It's time to vacuum up this mess!
[all scream]
[growling]
[grunting]
[growls]
[whimpering]
Whew! [coughs]
[camera clicks]
[glass shatters]
Whooooa.
That was awesome!
-You okay, buddy?
-[pants]
Yeah, I'm excellent.
Now that I retrieved this.
I knew I could prove myself.
Prove yourself?
Wait. Is that what this was all about?
Uh
no?
You don't have to prove anything to us.
Don't you know? Buddy, you rule!
Brilliant mind, amazing inventions,
steadfast support!
And best friend.
Why was that last one pointing at my leg?
That's where the core
of our friendship resides.
-In my leg?
-Absolutely.
So the lesson here today is
don't ever do that again!!!
[clicking]
[both] We're bestiary questing ♪
[all] And questing for beasts ♪
We're gonna take their picture ♪
And maybe their teeeeth ♪
[loud screeching]
[laughing, chattering]
Thanks, Thrull,
but I don't need it anymore.
Turns out I am Quint-essential.
Hmm.
-Hey, Bruce.
-Hi, Bruce.
Wait. Where's Bruce?
Aliens got him.
[wind whistling]
[screeching]
[moaning]
-[all moaning]
-[screeching]