The Mindy Project s02e03 Episode Script

From the slums of port-au-prince to the streets of NYC, a pastor has returned! How you been? How you been? God, it feels so good to be back.
Feels so good! Let me tell you guys.
Haiti, Haiti, Haiti Changed my entire world.
And the support you gave me, Oh, my God, did I need it! Talking to you, pal.
I had to come back because of someone very special.
I fell in love with a woman, and I got engaged.
Everyone, my fiancée, min Sta Well, she's already standing up.
Th's her style.
Mindy.
Yeah, I'm in love, guys.
But there's more news.
You can sit down.
Okay, baby.
When Mindy dropped everything to come to Haiti and be with me, rocked my world.
So I thought, hey, why don't I listen to my heart? So I said, "hey, sir thumps-a-lot, what's next?" And he said, "that ministry stuff, "that's not that now now.
I think you should leave the ministry.
" He said, "it's time to chase your music career!" So, guys, I'm becoming a DJ! And I owe it all to Mindy.
Hey, babe.
Oh, my God.
Casey! Casey, your grilled cheese is on fire! Casey, what the hell? Hey.
What is that sick beep? You mean the smoke alarm? Yeah.
Are you kidding me? You almost set my apartment completely on fire.
I'm sorry, you know grilled cheese is my beat fuel, girl.
Gotta make cheddar to make cheddar.
Feel me? Ugh, these resumes.
The idea that any of these doctors could replace Paul leotard is frankly offensive.
I mean, come on.
"The Somalia school of medicine online? Duke.
" Ugh.
You know who a very cool person is that we could hire just to have around and we already love is Casey.
Yeah, Casey's not a doctor, Mindy.
I know, but he's a minister.
And what is a minister if not a doctor for the soul? And his bedside manner, hubba hubba.
Yeah, we're not putting your layabout boyfriend on payroll, sorry.
If Casey's looking for a new job, my toll booth guy's retiring.
He wants to spend more time with Barb.
What? Was that a real suggestion? Yeah, he obviously has a job.
And it's, like, the hardest job in the world.
Casey's a house husband.
He's not a house husband.
If he was, he would help with housework.
Oh, my God.
Okay, what is that odor? Whoo.
That is exquisite.
It's like eczema cream? Oh, thanks.
Actually, it's my body spray.
I like to exude the masculine party-ready energy that everyone expects from their ob-gyn.
You're a doctor? Um, yeah.
That's why I'm here, actually.
I heard that there was possibly an opening, so I thought I'd drop off some ressies.
As you can see right there, I am dartmouth undergrad and dartmouth medical.
So I have double "D"s.
Ivy League.
Under publications, he wrote something about the breech technique.
Also something called "the hippocratic broath.
" Oh, yes, I did, actually.
It's all here on this bro-ster.
It's kind of a philosophy that me and my fraternity brothers came up with as a way to live your life to the bro-est.
Hello.
Peter Prentice.
What's your situation? What? I mean, what do you do here? Are you a nurse? Excuse me? A doula? - What? - A manicurist? Plus-sized model? - Whoa, friend.
- That's a compliment.
Hey, I'm a doctor here.
Okay.
Cool.
And I'm black.
Oh, you're a doctor here.
Yeah, I'm a doctor here.
"Soho women's health center.
" That's a great practice.
Why'd you leave? Um, it was Christmas at our annual holiday party.
And I had just been broken up with, so I was lit up, Bobby-brown wasted, and I saw the tree, and it was sparkly and shapely like my ex.
And you knocked it over.
You know, we've all done that at a party.
I had sex with it, but yeah.
Wait, hold on.
By sex, do you mean, like, intercourse sex? To completion with a tree? It's not something I'm proud of.
You know, it's Hey, thanks for coming.
We will look at is, and we'll be in touch.
Thank you so much.
Please don't be so British.
There's no way we're gonna hire you, not just because of that horrifying story.
Largely because of that horrifying story.
Yeah, that was Because of that.
Also, you told me that I was a plus-sized model, so I thought that you would take that as a compliment, so Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Casey, I called this apartment meeting because I think we need to talk.
Sure.
Okay, your penis has emerged from your pajama slit.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I just I leave the button open to save time.
Look, when you stopped being a minister, it was a lot to take in, but I rolled with it, because I really believe that you have good judgment.
But now, it's been, like, six weeks.
And I just don't know what Hey, babe, guess what.
I got a DJ gig.
Wait, what? I got a DJ gig! Oh, my God! Are you doing, like, a bar mitzvah or something? What? No.
Although I would've taken that.
So I guess my mix has been making the rounds.
And I nabbed a set at the Penny farthing music festival upstate.
I can't believe that.
All those people, like, jamming out to Casey's mix.
Cool rap couples having sex to your music.
Oh, my God, do you think B and J have done it to my jams? They totally have.
What? This is crazy.
I feel like this is my path, babe.
Our path.
Thank you for being so patient with me.
Oh, my gosh.
Congrats, babe.
Okay.
What's up? He came out again.
Okay, fine.
I'll put him back, put him back.
How is he getting out so many times? - You want to see something crazy? - Yeah.
Whoa.
Hands-free.
Now I kind of want to do it.
So you're all going to run off with Mindy to some music exposition? Is there gonna be a single black person performing at this festival, Dr.
L? Okay, black flag, black keys.
All white guys.
Uh, black people.
Black people is four Japanese girls.
- Mm, I'm good.
- See, no, I know where this is going.
You're going to ask me to look after your patients.
You know, while you're at it, can you cover for me too? I'm going to see the national.
They're headlining the main stage.
So I've gotta look after the practice myself? Yes, we're doing this because we live in a democracy, and I am the King.
Oh, my God! You're like a white beastie boy.
So he's a disc jockey now? Like, he does goofy prank phone calls and gives out movie tickets? I had sex with Casey Kasem.
For your information Being a DJ is the number one growing american job For children of celebrities.
You know, when I found out Casey was a pastor, I thought, finally, someone good enough for Dr.
L.
- Thanks.
- But I guess being a DJ is nice too.
Being a DJ is really nice.
And who would you rather party with? The Pope or Pharrell? But in terms of a moral compass I don't care about a moral compass.
I'm just really excited that he has this new job.
So we're just all gonna get on board.
Okay.
Check it.
Those are more fart sounds than beats, although, you know, that's kind of hot.
Really? Yeah, you t You care if I take a little ownership on that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A little artist's license? And, like How you holding up, babe? I love it, you know.
Nobody cares what they look like.
I'm smelling so many different kinds of bodies.
It's like the '60s, but without any kind of higher purpose.
Oh, my God.
What's up? I licked that fat man's sweat accidentally.
He's not fat.
He's a big man.
Honey, his fat roll got in my mouth.
I can't.
I can't.
Here, ready? Give me a kiss.
Mwah.
Not that bad.
Kind of bad.
Kind of bad.
Did you taste it? Mm-hmm.
Hey, babe, how many times do you think we'd have to go to things like this? Constantly.
In the beginning.
It's just When you got momentum, you gotta keep it going, or else, you know, people forget you just like DJ amnesia.
Oh! Can I just okay.
- All right.
That's all right.
- It's flow art, babe.
You don't have to incorporate me into your artness.
Honey, do we have to tip them or something? Now, my favorite band the national is on at 6:00.
If we happen to get separated, let's not find each other.
We'll just meet back at work tomorrow.
You gotta really Ugh.
Morgan, what are you doing? What are you doing? It's SPF 2, so I have to put a lot on.
Otherwise Wait a minute, is that dog sunscreen? Come on! Lather me, Morgan.
No, he's not here.
Dr.
Lahiri sends her regards, but I hope I've been an adequate substitute.
And I'll make sure she gets the snickerdoodles.
Like bloody hell I will.
Not a flipping crumb.
Mmm.
You see, Tamra, we don't need anybody else.
We can run the practice.
I can get so much done without Betsy wanting to gossip.
Like, "Dr.
Reed hasn't been on a date in weeks.
" And I'm like, "girl, I mind my business.
" Oh, see, I guessed one of Danny's patients would go into labor.
No matter.
Superman to the rescue.
Superman's skinny.
What, Mindy's pager as well? Two babies.
I can't deliver them alone.
Okay.
Shulman & Associates.
Hey, boo.
I can't come home.
Yeah, the British man trippin'.
Hey.
You're cute.
I know.
Do you want some of this brownie? Yeah, I'm gonna eat a brownie from a plastic bag from a stranger at a concert.
No, thank you.
Oh, are those cupcakes? Yeah.
Can I have one of those? Sure.
Yeah.
Ah, it's like a little four-leaf clover.
Yeah.
Are you Irish? Whatever.
Yeah.
Mmm.
Oh, my God.
You should take it slow.
It's better.
Are these free? Djing, medicine, doing what you love, it's a holy thing.
Okay, yeah, but maybe not every hobby needs to be a job, right? Maybe you can love to cook, but you don't need to be a chef.
Right.
Maybe playing records is just a cool thing you could do at a party.
Pardon me? I thought you were supportive of my dream.
Yeah, I'm really trying.
Casey, it's just It was a lot easier to support your dreams when your dream was helping people in Haiti.
God, you know, I hope this doesn't affect my set.
They say you're not supposed to spin angry.
Who says that? All the top DJs say that, Mindy.
Casey.
No, Morgan! - Stop it! Behave! - Whoo-hoo! Morgan, don't throw that! Javelin! Oh, my God, Morgan! Hammer throw! Is he stoned? Dr.
L, you're just in time.
Morgan is being hilarious.
Morgan, what are you doing? I'm going swimming! You look dumb.
Cannonball! Go! Go! Go! Oh! Oh! Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Hey, what the hell happened? He got stoned and broke his butt bone.
I'm a drug addict.
What? I broke my back.
You're not cool enough to be a drug addict.
You're just a big loser.
Okay, let's go.
All right, in the med tent.
Quit screaming in my ear.
Let's move him in, relax.
It's not that big of a deal.
Come on, Morgan.
Over this way.
Oh, my God.
This looks like a civil war battlefield.
Except somehow there's more beards.
Danny, this is really bad.
Okay, hold on a second.
Sir, put down the syringe.
We can't leave the tent.
The medic is on shrooms.
Oh, Rachel, Rachel.
Whoa, whoa.
Hi, hi.
Is there any way you could help me with a double delivery? It's just my partners have abandoned me for some music carnival upstate.
Oh, yeah.
My nephew just tweeted a video of some stoned idiot doing a cannonball in the grass at that.
Sorry, I got a twins delivery.
Rachel.
Come on.
Oh, hey, dude.
Peter, hi.
Couldn't help overhearing you need an extra set of hands, and I got two.
Do you just hang out in doctorslouns trolling for work? Well, I mean, there's no babies being born at my apartment.
Only babies being made.
Huh.
Jk, Jk.
I use protection.
Yeah.
Dr.
Reed Hi.
These babies are like, "Tamra, let me out.
It's my birthday, and I'm like, "babies, I know.
" All right, Tamra.
Sod it.
You know what, fine.
Could you help us with a double delivery, Peter? Oh, my God, are you serious? Yes.
Is that what "sod it" means? No.
Oh, I promise, you will not regret this.
Go team! Ow! You gotta warn me before we do chesties.
You gotta warn me.
Can I take this and put, like, wine in it? Obviously not.
You would go into shock.
And you'd die, so just lay down and shut up.
Just lay down and shut up.
Dr.
C Be straight with me.
Will I need a new butt? No, just keep icing it.
What if I wanted one, like implants? Would my insurance cover that? Danny.
Danny.
You know, we have this under control.
Go wave your lighter at Johnny rock-and-roll and the rock-and-rollers or whoever.
Wait, don't you have to go to Casey's thing? You know, we we got into, like, a little weird fight.
Um, also, you need my help here.
I should stay.
Huh.
What? No, you know, I don't like to talk out of turn, so we're good.
You're constantly giving your rude opinions about everything.
It's like your favorite thing to do.
Okay, do I think djing is dumb? Yeah.
I know.
I think it's dumb too.
Yeah, but you gotta go.
It's your fiancée.
It's his dream.
Just go to the show.
If he loves what he does, you'll see it in his eyes.
And you know, you should support him.
All right? Don't be a dick.
I'm not a dick.
Yeah, but it'd be a dick move not to go, right? Yeah, okay.
- Yeah, okay.
I should go.
- Just go, go.
Yeah, I'm gonna go.
Good.
You shouldn't call girls dicks.
I didn't call you a Thank you, bye.
Okay, Deb, you are fully dilated.
It's time to push.
I'm gonna break the baby! I'm gonna break the baby! I know it.
Why did I do this to you, Deb? Brad, pull it together.
But I can't! I can't stop freaking out! Hey, yo, Dr.
Reed.
Mrs.
Gebhard is resting "noice" and stable, and that baby girl she just had is quite a stunner.
Don't let that baby out! I'll only disappoint it, okay? We got a cry daddy.
I'm on it.
Hey, big guy.
What's the problem? You should be psyched.
You're gonna be a great dad.
You're a pool contractor, right? Yeah.
Brad's pools and supply.
Where pools meet Equipment That's me That's you, man.
Think about how amazing that is.
"Hey, what's your dad do?" "He builds sick-ass pools.
What's your dad do?" "Oh, nothing.
Just a dumb-ass astronaut, I don't know.
Will they really say that? Of course they will.
And you are gonna be an amazing father.
So here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna take a deep breath.
We're gonna go from zone to man-to-man.
Okay.
And we're gonna get over there and have a baby.
Okay.
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
Okay.
Excuse me.
In the beginning, there was the beat.
And the beat was Good! Oh, yeah.
And the DJ said Let there be dance.
All right, let me see your hands.
To the sky.
Let's see those hands up, people.
Casey! Casey, can you see I'm here! I made it! Casey! Oh, hold up.
Hey, I see my girl back there.
Fellas, get her up here.
Right in front.
Come on.
Okay, I don't know.
Oh, oh, okay.
Oh, oh! I'm being taken! I can't be a sex slave.
Easy! Help me.
Yeah, get her up, get her up.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Okay.
To the left, to the left.
Help.
Help.
My scoliosis, my scoliosis.
Sorry.
Your left, my right.
Your hand is sticky.
Let me see you jump.
Aah! Now jump.
Oh, God! Now jump.
Aah! Yeah, they actually made me one before this, - extra blinged out.
- Excuse me, pardon me, fiancée coming through.
You know what I mean? Excuse me.
Thanks.
Oh, hey.
Baby! Ah.
You were amazing.
Or to put it in your terms, you were "very legit.
" I'm glad you thought that, 'cause when I was up there, I kind of only felt dope.
Baby, I was so proud of you.
Thank you.
And I was wrong.
I apologize.
This is your calling.
You're an amazing DJ.
Thank you, but, like, when I was up there, it just didn't feel like I was connecting.
Because I was fixated on how sorry the layout of this venue is.
You were connecting with me, babe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, I was doing that.
But more so, I was like, "what's the deal with these fire exits? Why are they blocked?" Who cares? All that matters is you're really good at the thing you wanted to do.
No, no, what I'm saying is I don't want to DJ.
Event planning That's what I should be doing.
Babe, you just became a DJ.
I know, I know, but this is something I'm feeling.
I mean, I'm serious about this, babe.
Event planning It's my path.
It's our path.
Dr.
C, the national was so great.
I have never seen a music show where buzz and Woody weren't ice skating.
Well, I'm glad you guys had a great time.
And we brought along some eye candy.
Come on, guys.
Come on out, come on out.
Oh, my God.
Wait, the national? When Morgan told us what he had planned, how could we refuse? Yep.
Aw, man.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Listen, listen, listen.
Hold on, hold on.
The national.
I know.
Listen, listen.
- Go along with what I'm saying right now.
- Okay.
'Cause that's the only reason the band came all the way over here.
Are you with me? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just can't believe these guys are here.
What are you doing? Daniel Mussolini Castellano, will you make me the happiest man on earth? Get up.
No.
Get up.
No, it's why they came over here.
If you don't take the ring, they're gonna leave.
What, do you carry those things in your pocket? Yes, I carry two rings with me just in case.
Take the ring.
Morgan, what's going on? Is this happening? It's happening.
We're in love.
Special moment.
Okay, guys, guys.
You know what, I'm gonna do it.
Oh, my God! I'll marry Morgan.
Whoo! You feel like a hundred times yourself Wow.
I wish everybody knew What's so great about you Oh, but your love is such a swamp I am gonna head home and microwave myself a French bread pizza.
It has been a while since I earned my FBP.
God, it feels good.
All right, Peter, hold on.
Hmm? Why don't you come and work for us, strictly on a trial basis? Are are you serious? Don't you have to check with the other doctors? I mean, that one Dr.
Lahiri was really chafing my bean.
Mindy and Danny abandoned me, so tough.
I'm in charge.
You're hired.
Are you Oh! I can't be Welcome.
Noice! Oh! Ugh! You're meant to say chesties.
My bad.
Still hired? Hey, babe.
I was messing around online, doing a little research.
What do you think about Austin, Texas? UT's got a two-year master's in event planning.
I think it'd be cool, man.
We could have, like, a cool barbecue spot we go to once a week.
Just, like, our special spot.
Great.
Then what? What's with the grumbling? Last time I heard that was when I went to Chicago and the present I brought back was a book about Chicago, and it was cool, and you hated it.
Do you not want me to switch jobs? Okay, I love that you are romantic about what you do.
I'm a romantic too about lots of stuff, like vacations.
Yeah.
I've designed, like, a hundred dream vespas online.
I'm sensing a "but" coming.
Is it okay if I cup your actual butt when I hear the word "but"? Yeah, I'd like that.
Thank you.
Austin sounds great, event planning, all great.
Right? Until you change your mind.
And now it's app design in San Jose No.
And I have roots in Austin.
And the barbecue sucks in San Jose.
And I'm just waiting around for my new husband to have a change of heart.
No, look, okay.
I get it.
I get it.
But, babe, after Haiti, we can do anything, babe.
That's the point though.
I already moved to Haiti with you.
When is it gonna stop? It eventually.
Look, it just God's talking to me.
I have to listen.
Sometimes I feel like when God is telling you to change everything, there's a little part of you that's talking too.
Babe Are we breaking up? I am good, I am grounded Davy says that I look taller I can't get my head around it I keep feeling smaller and smaller I need my girl I'm under the gun again I know I was a lot of things But I am good, I am grounded Davy says that I look taller I can't get my head around it I keep feeling smaller and smaller I need my girl