The Naked Chef (1999) s02e03 Episode Script
A Perfect Day
Naked's what I call my way of cooking.
What I cook in the restaurant isn't what I cook at home.
Cooking's gotta be a laugh it's gotta be simple, it's gotta be tasty, it's gotta be fun.
I suppose you could say it's stripping down a recipe to its bare essentials.
No way it's not me, it's the food.
Got a day off Jools is out and about doing things I've got the whole kitchen to myself.
And I'm trying to get all these things that I've been meaning to do for like the last three months you know all the kitchen bits and pieces all those kind of munchies I wanna get my chillies situation back up to where it should be cos you know what I'm like about chillies? And that's it really.
Sounds like a bit of a busman's holiday to me? It's not all working just you know mucking about I've got the boys coming round today and we're going go- karting which I'm really looking forward to but apart from that it's a pretty quiet day.
I'm gonna have a nice night in with Jools tonight and keep out of trouble.
So - er - that's it really.
I'm going out to Borough market now anyway I'll catch you later.
I'm after some chillies mate - lovely.
I tell you what I need a load of those right and I need a load of these.
Easy mate what are you doing with it all? Ah - what are you gonna do with all that? Got any herbs? How is Mrs.
Turnip? She's alright - she's alright she's dropped the baby to the school How many baby turnips have you got? We've got two yeah - yeah - unbelievable they are.
But they're growing - medium sized now.
When did you plant those? Easy Not where - I said when - er mint.
Going go- karting today Are you? - Yeah with the boys - No - Yeah - Whereabouts you going? - Up near Kings Cross - Oh right right I think I've been there as it happens it's unbelievable.
So what's the damage? Oh give us a tenner - good man - good man Nice one mate.
Look after yourself CHILLI OIL The thing I love about chillies is they're all different they all taste different and they all smell different and they're all different shapes and sizes and these are the ones kind of like they're like a cross between chilli and peppers they're like the things they make paprika out of by drying 'em and crumbling.
So what I'm gonna do I'm gonna kind of preserve these ready for a midnight munchie so first things first - cut them in half and we're gonna remove the seeds cos all the deadly, deadly, deadly heat is in there.
People always think of chillies as something that gives heat and it's not - they're actually fantastic to eat if you give 'em half the chance.
So if we get rid of the seeds we've got rid of half the heat already, so that's cool.
Get 'em out - shake 'em out.
The next thing I do is wash 'em the old fellows because washing kind of gets rid of quite a lot of heat as well, and I know it does cos when you wash it again you can feel that mad kind of it feels like the air's full of chilli.
But - er - so let's just get these last ones done - lovely Just knock all those seeds out and chuck 'em in there.
Cor you can feel it what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna put 'em in here you can do it in a roasting tray but I've got one of these kind of baking dishes.
Just plonk your chills in here and we're gonna cook it in the oven.
I've got some bay leaves and I've got some olive oil.
You don't want to use really, really good olive oil just enough to cover it.
I'm gonna bake it about 200 and you're going to tenderise the chillies so it's nice and edible but it's still gonna like maintain that lovely kind of cup shape that's what we want.
We don't want to cook the hell out of it so it goes flat so whack in the oven about half an hour.
Right these have cooled down for about half an hour but they've also been cooked for about half and hour and they're really, really soft, and they've still got their shape so they've got a nice little cup shape so I can put nice little things in 'em and just drain 'em of the oil.
It's not just like a chilli aggressive oil now it's quite kind of sweet kind of roasted peppery kind of oil you know which is brill So you're not going to throw that away? No way - God don't do that.
I'm gonna put it back into this bottle and then keep it for like pizzas and cheese - salads - I mean fish.
Quite hot is it? Yeah yeah course it's got a nice kick because it's been cooked with that.
But look - I haven't got a funnel and I've got this trick that my old man used to do when the when the old - the old lawn mower back home used to run out of petrol cos I always used to cut the grass for him and I always used to run it out of petrol.
It used to drive him up the - up the wall.
Shove it down the hole - God Put it in the sink.
I think it's a good idea.
Let's have a little pour.
Lovely - it's working - there we go That's great you have two dishes for the price of one? Yeah but what about the funnel? Lovely - so bottle - very tasty flavoured oil.
So what I'm gonna do now is stuff these chillies and I'm gonna use anchovies and capers just kind of equal amount of each.
Just gonna finely chop it.
I'm not gonna make it too pasty looks a little bit more home made you know Bit more love.
Right - that's all chopped, what do I need? I need a - one of these air tight jar things and you just put it into here like that and press it in.
So they're kind of stuffed really? They're kind of stuffed mate right - then we put 'em in our little jar.
And we do it to all of those.
And they will sit very happily in the fridge just gagging to be used in salads, with nice grilled, fried fish, on their own as kind of not canopies but kind of like you know things to go with drinks cos like you know cold glass of anything and like the whole hot salty thing does it for me do you know when you go into a bar and you have the olives and it just gets you going you know for dinner? I love it but to make these really, really, really special right I imagine they come out like that and you just finely you roughly chop some basil, parsley, rocket, both or one of each and just dress it with some balsamic vinegar and put that on top so it kind of goes like that and that fresh it's just - it's one of the most best things I've ever eaten.
And you don't even have to preserve 'em just eat 'em straight away.
Does Jools like chillies too? I annoy my girlfriend so much cos I'm always doing something late whether it's the band or what ever about one o'clock - half one, I get the munchies, so I like to go in the fridge and get a bit of stale bread, toast or whatever get some chillies, get some gerkins and a nice chunk of cheese and my girlfriend normally wakes up when she hears like the fridge doors going late at night.
And she'll say what are you doing? Oh God I hate you and because she knows I'm gonna come to bed stinking of gherkins and blooming chillies and stuff she thinks it's disgusting.
Lovely And then just cover it in olive oil from my rather small canister- just pour it on the sides so it doesn't disrupt it too much.
So we're done - munchies sustained for the next couple of months.
Jools'll be well happy when she sees that in the fridge.
AUBERGINE DIP Right this is another fantastic recipe that like you can keep in the fridge for a couple of days little bit like well I think of it a little bit like the kind of gaucamoles and the humus one of those kind of spready, munchie type things something you put in a sarnie or on like little bits of crispy toast like for munchies before drinks or you know late night munchies or or anything like that really.
Right, so I've got four big black aubergines you can use any aubergines really.
And I've roasted them at 250 degrees for about an hour.
And you have this really soft, sweet smelling kind of inside and it's gone almost creamy it's fantastic.
They call it poor man's caviar because inside it looks a little bit like caviar kind of - it looks nothing like caviar but who invented that? I call it Essex boy's caviar cos I think it's a bit of a classier name you know.
All you have to do is like scoop out the insides and just get it all out and it comes out really, really easy.
You could kind of put it in a Magimix and blend it out till its smooth but I think you lose all the character so while we're adding the other ingredients I'm gonna stir and kind of chop with the spoon and I'm gonna use cumin and cumin is a fantastic spice.
It's a right pokey spice you know gives you a right punch round the face.
And you have to go easy with it really so I'm gonna have two pinches.
And if I need more I'll add it later but essentially that's how much I need.
So once you've got it to a nice powder yeah - I'm gonna get some garlic in there, some nice little background flavour.
I only need like a normal size clove I just peel it and pound that up as well.
Once you've got that into a nice paste, get it in here, scoop it out and stir that in.
If you put that in while it's warm it'll kind of get the flavour really happening.
Now the next thing to do is we want to tweak the flavour with olive oil peppery olive oil, - salt and pepper and then it'll start beginning to taste nice.
Let's have my olive oil I'm gonna put about sort of five tablespoons of ol Are you looking forward to going go-karting? Yeah too right mate - I can't wait.
I've never been before but like I've always fancied myself as a bit of a tiger on the race tracks.
And I suppose that comes from an up bringing of having a mother drives like Nigel Nigel Mansell.
You know when you're at school and you've got groups of friends that are into different things girls, trainers, sports and then the ones that are into cars.
Well they always used to kind of like gather round and get out the bus queue to watch my old dear come in she'd got wooom and then I used to get in and wooo and they used to go oh yeah man she did a wheel spin in second.
And that was my mum all over and then just to like to top it all off my old man is completely different he does an average of about 25 miles an hour in 5th gear and he just sits there kind of like the whole world going by him not really concentrating.
He used to blooming get me to school late and then when I went from school I'd miss Neighbours cos it would take about an hour and a half to get home.
So embarrassing.
Yeah that tastes good that tastes seasoned now right and it even tastes nice, but what I wanna do now is balance that oily thing with lemon and a nice bit of coriander.
You want that kind of acidic thing that's the really important thing you've got - you've got that kind of oily, creamy aubergine, you've got the cumin there so there's kind of like spice there, but it's the lemon juice that's gonna really turn it around like a million times.
So - you wanna about one and a half lemons in there.
But add one lemon and then taste it stir it in and taste it.
That's really good actually I'm just gonna add one lemon and also it's still warm so when it gets cold it's gonna be beautiful.
So I've got a nice bunch of coriander that I've just washed and shaken off.
I'm just gonna use about half of that just kind of finely chop it because those stalks are really, really sweet and quite crunchy and when you get onto leaves just kind of slightly more roughly chop 'em.
When this is finished it tastes so good that I've even had it with like some really nice - on a plate a big dollop like you'd have like mash potatoes with like lamb chops or something I'd have a big dollop with some like mustardy leaves like rocket or watercress or something and some seared scallops or even like things like white fish are brilliant or shell fish absolutely superb.
Or lamb - even better with lamb roasted lamb - sliced up and that Rock on - that's really nice.
So do you wanna try some? I'd love to Just put a rack on I'm gonna do a kind of melba toast thing.
And these sort of things like are fantastic.
I remember when I went to college and there was all like these kind of canopies and stuff going on canopies this, canopies that - aspic jelly and little students breathing over things putting things in shapes and like flavour to sort of work effort and taste wise it's all in my eyes completely wrong.
So you're not a vol-au-vent man then? I'm not a vol-au-vent man it's too much time you know think about how long that took me and this is fantastic.
And then imagine having a glass of champagne or beer in your hand just imagine.
And tuck in -so what do you think? Delicious Nice isn't it? Lovely CARSPACIO OF BEEF I've invited everyone back for a bit of tucker so on the way back I picked up this quite large filet of beef and I'm gonna make something really, really quick really, really colourful and fantastic and tasty, real fiesty little thing, so ideal.
So what I'm gonna do - put a pan on basically what I'm doing is a carpachio a carpachio of beef yeah which classically is always raw but what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna sear it it's still gonna be like rare, roary rarey yeah but I'm gonna have a nice little seared rim yeah and I'm gonna encrust it with like seasoning and spices and stuff like that.
Right - so I've got coriander seed that's the litt you want a good handful cos coriander seeds are quite mellow now in comparison to like coriander the leaf which is quite fragrant and fresh.
You just bash 'em and all this smell comes out that's what I love about the old pestle and mortar - it's fantastic push the beef to one side and I'm gonna use this chopping board and I'm just gonna season it quite generously with pepper and then salt I thought you were having a quiet night in with Jools tonight? Don't say that cos you'll make me feel guilty- I opened my mouth didn't I? I got a bit too excited and I said oh yeah come back to my house.
So she doesn't know yet, but she should be cool about it.
Right- salt, pepper, coriander seeds and then just roll the beef over it like that and it will just stick to it and encrust it.
Just gonna put a touch of oil just - I'm gonna use the chilli oil as well - I told you it would come in handy.
So just put that over the beef, and then basically kind of pat it in and just so it's got a little layer of kind of oil and then you know it's not gonna stick or anything like that.
So we want it to toast now and almost like get all those spices and stuff going.
I'll turn it about every minute, minute and a half so what I'm gonna do now basically is get some nice sort of things to sprinkle on the top.
I'm gonna take this kind of like in a Thai direction which is slightly unusual but really, really tasty, and I've got coriander and I've got ginger.
First of all get your old coriander and just roll it up like it was a cigar or something like that - slice it thinly.
Push that up there - that's the old coriander - so - let's have a little look.
Yeah like that - fantastic.
I'm well chuffed with that.
Right then the ginger -just chop it up finely into little flecks.
Lovely - put that in there.
Right this looks pretty damned good.
Lovely - right so what we're gonna do is just turn the gas off push it to one side - let it kind of relax for about sort of 5/10 minutes.
Why do you do that? Well the thing is like imagine if like you're really warm and I chucked you in a cold swimming pool yeah you're gonna go oh like that and the other way round it's kind of the same for meat if you've got cold meat and it goes in a hot pan like goes like that and it's really, really tight and contracting and all the juice cooks into the middle and then when you let it relax it goes oh kind of Hamlet moment you know.
Take it easy and then all the juice goes back to where it should be and then you slice it it's tender, it tastes nice, it falls apart in your mouth.
Otherwise it's tough as old boots.
So what I need now is I need some chillies, and radish look at these lovely radishes.
The leaves are like if you just taste one so tasty and like what's the point of throwing it away we'll have that on the bottom of the plate and it'll look really, really nice.
And then I'm gonna slice 'em and then I've got the old chillies right so what I'm gonna do is take the old tops off lose the seeds and try and slice 'em at an angle as finely as possible.
Right - we're sorted.
I need a big, big plate.
Get the old meat - and you can slice it up so I mean it's that easy you know and it takes no time at all.
So just slice it as thinly as you possibly can How many will that feed then do you think? And then we cut it like this and we're gonna kind of flavour it like this you'd serve like 8/10 people out of it so you're actually stretching quite an expensive bit of meat a long way.
And if I'm really lucky - I might even get left overs so I can have my sarnie tomorrow.
Right - here we go.
This is how simple it is lovely kind of leaves of the radish which are nice and mustardy yeah just sprinkle about the place yeah and then you wanna kind of really casually kind of drape this meat, and the whole idea is that we wanna make one layer so we can put all these lovely flavours on and they can all get exposed to it you know? What I wanna do now is just like you know we wanna get the ginger and from a height just like scatter you don't wanna get too low and put it all on one bit you know and then like coriander And then let's have a bit of radish.
Fantastic.
And then let's have the chilli - again - lovely.
So that is absolutely pucker right.
And it's lively and it looks cool, but to get it all happening get some sesame seed oil right which is pretty potent stuff really and just kind of really lightly dribble and just work into the middle in like a little circle.
Soy sauce you can be really generous you just make sure that every bit of meat has got soy sauce over and then you've got the lines yeah squeeze it yeah - there we go mate.
Happy days - we're all done.
NOODLE SALAD The thing I really love about these salads is that like you can pick up something like you know a mushroom and if you slice it like nice and thinly lengthwise all of a sudden it looks almost oriental you know.
But I've got some rocket, bean sprouts, red and green peppers.
Got my spring onions.
You know you can four things or you can have ten things, but the main thing is that it's all crunchy and looks nice.
So let's just plonk this in here.
Lovely baby spinach - right plonk that in there.
Let's check out our - the old noods all sticking They don't take very long to cook those do they? No - couple of minutes.
What else have we got? Yeah nice I've got some coriander and some mint.
I think it's amazing that you can just invite a lot of people round for supper at the drop of a hat Food doesn't always have to be lots of work or a palaver or be all official about it you know it's just about getting your mates round and getting the old boys fed really.
Soon as the boys and girls get here today I'm gonna give 'em some of my Essex boy caviar bit of toast and I'll get the old stuffed chillies out as well and finish that off with the rocket and balsamic vinegar and they will love it.
Right this my perfect day mate and it's certainly turning out to be anyway.
Nothing like having all your mates round for a bit of tucker.
Obviously you don't wanna put warm noodles into the lovely cold crispy, crunchy baked veggies, so we'll get 'em nice and cold.
Let that drain.
I've got these cashews that I've just put in the oven for 5 minutes, just to get nice and golden and they're fantastic when you - when you come across one of those it'll be nice little surprise cos it'll taste lovely.
Now I'm gonna make a dressing yeah and of late I've just started doing it in a jam jar because whatever you don't use put it in the fridge and use it for the next couple of days you know so it's good.
Just gonna chop up the chilli I'm not gonna take the seed out this time I'm just gonna chop them nice and thinly.
So we just put that in the old jam jar.
Garlic - only a little bit of garlic it's just for a little bit of background flavour -just kind of finely slice that and then I've gotta about a thumb sized piece of ginger and I'm just gonna run through that and finely chop it so it's nice and dinky.
Get your limes - and squeeze 'em in to brilliant right so we have four limes in there.
We now need to get soy sauce in there yeah? Couple of tablespoons just to give it that lovely taste and you want about a tablespoon of sesame seed oil cos it's quite strong you don't wanna overdo it.
And then about you know 2/3 times as much oil as there is lime juice so about that much.
Put the lid on give it a good old go on my son Yeah - so get the old noodles in there have all the bits coming out and stuff I won't use it all cos save this for tomorrow.
We just dress it.
Get stuck in there - brilliant colours.
Just tastes brill and it smells amazing actually.
Beautiful - I am so chuffed about this it's gonna look brilliant.
So that's done Let me show you what I normally have if desert's required - secret weapon if in doubt get the old Maltesers out mate - pop the bags right and then you put a cloth over it and you bash the hell out of it.
And I'm gonna give them this cos it's so tasty crumbled or sprinkled over vanilla ice cream.
There you go - we're all really raring to go.
Oh God - Jools is back - get it cleaned up.
Yeah
What I cook in the restaurant isn't what I cook at home.
Cooking's gotta be a laugh it's gotta be simple, it's gotta be tasty, it's gotta be fun.
I suppose you could say it's stripping down a recipe to its bare essentials.
No way it's not me, it's the food.
Got a day off Jools is out and about doing things I've got the whole kitchen to myself.
And I'm trying to get all these things that I've been meaning to do for like the last three months you know all the kitchen bits and pieces all those kind of munchies I wanna get my chillies situation back up to where it should be cos you know what I'm like about chillies? And that's it really.
Sounds like a bit of a busman's holiday to me? It's not all working just you know mucking about I've got the boys coming round today and we're going go- karting which I'm really looking forward to but apart from that it's a pretty quiet day.
I'm gonna have a nice night in with Jools tonight and keep out of trouble.
So - er - that's it really.
I'm going out to Borough market now anyway I'll catch you later.
I'm after some chillies mate - lovely.
I tell you what I need a load of those right and I need a load of these.
Easy mate what are you doing with it all? Ah - what are you gonna do with all that? Got any herbs? How is Mrs.
Turnip? She's alright - she's alright she's dropped the baby to the school How many baby turnips have you got? We've got two yeah - yeah - unbelievable they are.
But they're growing - medium sized now.
When did you plant those? Easy Not where - I said when - er mint.
Going go- karting today Are you? - Yeah with the boys - No - Yeah - Whereabouts you going? - Up near Kings Cross - Oh right right I think I've been there as it happens it's unbelievable.
So what's the damage? Oh give us a tenner - good man - good man Nice one mate.
Look after yourself CHILLI OIL The thing I love about chillies is they're all different they all taste different and they all smell different and they're all different shapes and sizes and these are the ones kind of like they're like a cross between chilli and peppers they're like the things they make paprika out of by drying 'em and crumbling.
So what I'm gonna do I'm gonna kind of preserve these ready for a midnight munchie so first things first - cut them in half and we're gonna remove the seeds cos all the deadly, deadly, deadly heat is in there.
People always think of chillies as something that gives heat and it's not - they're actually fantastic to eat if you give 'em half the chance.
So if we get rid of the seeds we've got rid of half the heat already, so that's cool.
Get 'em out - shake 'em out.
The next thing I do is wash 'em the old fellows because washing kind of gets rid of quite a lot of heat as well, and I know it does cos when you wash it again you can feel that mad kind of it feels like the air's full of chilli.
But - er - so let's just get these last ones done - lovely Just knock all those seeds out and chuck 'em in there.
Cor you can feel it what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna put 'em in here you can do it in a roasting tray but I've got one of these kind of baking dishes.
Just plonk your chills in here and we're gonna cook it in the oven.
I've got some bay leaves and I've got some olive oil.
You don't want to use really, really good olive oil just enough to cover it.
I'm gonna bake it about 200 and you're going to tenderise the chillies so it's nice and edible but it's still gonna like maintain that lovely kind of cup shape that's what we want.
We don't want to cook the hell out of it so it goes flat so whack in the oven about half an hour.
Right these have cooled down for about half an hour but they've also been cooked for about half and hour and they're really, really soft, and they've still got their shape so they've got a nice little cup shape so I can put nice little things in 'em and just drain 'em of the oil.
It's not just like a chilli aggressive oil now it's quite kind of sweet kind of roasted peppery kind of oil you know which is brill So you're not going to throw that away? No way - God don't do that.
I'm gonna put it back into this bottle and then keep it for like pizzas and cheese - salads - I mean fish.
Quite hot is it? Yeah yeah course it's got a nice kick because it's been cooked with that.
But look - I haven't got a funnel and I've got this trick that my old man used to do when the when the old - the old lawn mower back home used to run out of petrol cos I always used to cut the grass for him and I always used to run it out of petrol.
It used to drive him up the - up the wall.
Shove it down the hole - God Put it in the sink.
I think it's a good idea.
Let's have a little pour.
Lovely - it's working - there we go That's great you have two dishes for the price of one? Yeah but what about the funnel? Lovely - so bottle - very tasty flavoured oil.
So what I'm gonna do now is stuff these chillies and I'm gonna use anchovies and capers just kind of equal amount of each.
Just gonna finely chop it.
I'm not gonna make it too pasty looks a little bit more home made you know Bit more love.
Right - that's all chopped, what do I need? I need a - one of these air tight jar things and you just put it into here like that and press it in.
So they're kind of stuffed really? They're kind of stuffed mate right - then we put 'em in our little jar.
And we do it to all of those.
And they will sit very happily in the fridge just gagging to be used in salads, with nice grilled, fried fish, on their own as kind of not canopies but kind of like you know things to go with drinks cos like you know cold glass of anything and like the whole hot salty thing does it for me do you know when you go into a bar and you have the olives and it just gets you going you know for dinner? I love it but to make these really, really, really special right I imagine they come out like that and you just finely you roughly chop some basil, parsley, rocket, both or one of each and just dress it with some balsamic vinegar and put that on top so it kind of goes like that and that fresh it's just - it's one of the most best things I've ever eaten.
And you don't even have to preserve 'em just eat 'em straight away.
Does Jools like chillies too? I annoy my girlfriend so much cos I'm always doing something late whether it's the band or what ever about one o'clock - half one, I get the munchies, so I like to go in the fridge and get a bit of stale bread, toast or whatever get some chillies, get some gerkins and a nice chunk of cheese and my girlfriend normally wakes up when she hears like the fridge doors going late at night.
And she'll say what are you doing? Oh God I hate you and because she knows I'm gonna come to bed stinking of gherkins and blooming chillies and stuff she thinks it's disgusting.
Lovely And then just cover it in olive oil from my rather small canister- just pour it on the sides so it doesn't disrupt it too much.
So we're done - munchies sustained for the next couple of months.
Jools'll be well happy when she sees that in the fridge.
AUBERGINE DIP Right this is another fantastic recipe that like you can keep in the fridge for a couple of days little bit like well I think of it a little bit like the kind of gaucamoles and the humus one of those kind of spready, munchie type things something you put in a sarnie or on like little bits of crispy toast like for munchies before drinks or you know late night munchies or or anything like that really.
Right, so I've got four big black aubergines you can use any aubergines really.
And I've roasted them at 250 degrees for about an hour.
And you have this really soft, sweet smelling kind of inside and it's gone almost creamy it's fantastic.
They call it poor man's caviar because inside it looks a little bit like caviar kind of - it looks nothing like caviar but who invented that? I call it Essex boy's caviar cos I think it's a bit of a classier name you know.
All you have to do is like scoop out the insides and just get it all out and it comes out really, really easy.
You could kind of put it in a Magimix and blend it out till its smooth but I think you lose all the character so while we're adding the other ingredients I'm gonna stir and kind of chop with the spoon and I'm gonna use cumin and cumin is a fantastic spice.
It's a right pokey spice you know gives you a right punch round the face.
And you have to go easy with it really so I'm gonna have two pinches.
And if I need more I'll add it later but essentially that's how much I need.
So once you've got it to a nice powder yeah - I'm gonna get some garlic in there, some nice little background flavour.
I only need like a normal size clove I just peel it and pound that up as well.
Once you've got that into a nice paste, get it in here, scoop it out and stir that in.
If you put that in while it's warm it'll kind of get the flavour really happening.
Now the next thing to do is we want to tweak the flavour with olive oil peppery olive oil, - salt and pepper and then it'll start beginning to taste nice.
Let's have my olive oil I'm gonna put about sort of five tablespoons of ol Are you looking forward to going go-karting? Yeah too right mate - I can't wait.
I've never been before but like I've always fancied myself as a bit of a tiger on the race tracks.
And I suppose that comes from an up bringing of having a mother drives like Nigel Nigel Mansell.
You know when you're at school and you've got groups of friends that are into different things girls, trainers, sports and then the ones that are into cars.
Well they always used to kind of like gather round and get out the bus queue to watch my old dear come in she'd got wooom and then I used to get in and wooo and they used to go oh yeah man she did a wheel spin in second.
And that was my mum all over and then just to like to top it all off my old man is completely different he does an average of about 25 miles an hour in 5th gear and he just sits there kind of like the whole world going by him not really concentrating.
He used to blooming get me to school late and then when I went from school I'd miss Neighbours cos it would take about an hour and a half to get home.
So embarrassing.
Yeah that tastes good that tastes seasoned now right and it even tastes nice, but what I wanna do now is balance that oily thing with lemon and a nice bit of coriander.
You want that kind of acidic thing that's the really important thing you've got - you've got that kind of oily, creamy aubergine, you've got the cumin there so there's kind of like spice there, but it's the lemon juice that's gonna really turn it around like a million times.
So - you wanna about one and a half lemons in there.
But add one lemon and then taste it stir it in and taste it.
That's really good actually I'm just gonna add one lemon and also it's still warm so when it gets cold it's gonna be beautiful.
So I've got a nice bunch of coriander that I've just washed and shaken off.
I'm just gonna use about half of that just kind of finely chop it because those stalks are really, really sweet and quite crunchy and when you get onto leaves just kind of slightly more roughly chop 'em.
When this is finished it tastes so good that I've even had it with like some really nice - on a plate a big dollop like you'd have like mash potatoes with like lamb chops or something I'd have a big dollop with some like mustardy leaves like rocket or watercress or something and some seared scallops or even like things like white fish are brilliant or shell fish absolutely superb.
Or lamb - even better with lamb roasted lamb - sliced up and that Rock on - that's really nice.
So do you wanna try some? I'd love to Just put a rack on I'm gonna do a kind of melba toast thing.
And these sort of things like are fantastic.
I remember when I went to college and there was all like these kind of canopies and stuff going on canopies this, canopies that - aspic jelly and little students breathing over things putting things in shapes and like flavour to sort of work effort and taste wise it's all in my eyes completely wrong.
So you're not a vol-au-vent man then? I'm not a vol-au-vent man it's too much time you know think about how long that took me and this is fantastic.
And then imagine having a glass of champagne or beer in your hand just imagine.
And tuck in -so what do you think? Delicious Nice isn't it? Lovely CARSPACIO OF BEEF I've invited everyone back for a bit of tucker so on the way back I picked up this quite large filet of beef and I'm gonna make something really, really quick really, really colourful and fantastic and tasty, real fiesty little thing, so ideal.
So what I'm gonna do - put a pan on basically what I'm doing is a carpachio a carpachio of beef yeah which classically is always raw but what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna sear it it's still gonna be like rare, roary rarey yeah but I'm gonna have a nice little seared rim yeah and I'm gonna encrust it with like seasoning and spices and stuff like that.
Right - so I've got coriander seed that's the litt you want a good handful cos coriander seeds are quite mellow now in comparison to like coriander the leaf which is quite fragrant and fresh.
You just bash 'em and all this smell comes out that's what I love about the old pestle and mortar - it's fantastic push the beef to one side and I'm gonna use this chopping board and I'm just gonna season it quite generously with pepper and then salt I thought you were having a quiet night in with Jools tonight? Don't say that cos you'll make me feel guilty- I opened my mouth didn't I? I got a bit too excited and I said oh yeah come back to my house.
So she doesn't know yet, but she should be cool about it.
Right- salt, pepper, coriander seeds and then just roll the beef over it like that and it will just stick to it and encrust it.
Just gonna put a touch of oil just - I'm gonna use the chilli oil as well - I told you it would come in handy.
So just put that over the beef, and then basically kind of pat it in and just so it's got a little layer of kind of oil and then you know it's not gonna stick or anything like that.
So we want it to toast now and almost like get all those spices and stuff going.
I'll turn it about every minute, minute and a half so what I'm gonna do now basically is get some nice sort of things to sprinkle on the top.
I'm gonna take this kind of like in a Thai direction which is slightly unusual but really, really tasty, and I've got coriander and I've got ginger.
First of all get your old coriander and just roll it up like it was a cigar or something like that - slice it thinly.
Push that up there - that's the old coriander - so - let's have a little look.
Yeah like that - fantastic.
I'm well chuffed with that.
Right then the ginger -just chop it up finely into little flecks.
Lovely - put that in there.
Right this looks pretty damned good.
Lovely - right so what we're gonna do is just turn the gas off push it to one side - let it kind of relax for about sort of 5/10 minutes.
Why do you do that? Well the thing is like imagine if like you're really warm and I chucked you in a cold swimming pool yeah you're gonna go oh like that and the other way round it's kind of the same for meat if you've got cold meat and it goes in a hot pan like goes like that and it's really, really tight and contracting and all the juice cooks into the middle and then when you let it relax it goes oh kind of Hamlet moment you know.
Take it easy and then all the juice goes back to where it should be and then you slice it it's tender, it tastes nice, it falls apart in your mouth.
Otherwise it's tough as old boots.
So what I need now is I need some chillies, and radish look at these lovely radishes.
The leaves are like if you just taste one so tasty and like what's the point of throwing it away we'll have that on the bottom of the plate and it'll look really, really nice.
And then I'm gonna slice 'em and then I've got the old chillies right so what I'm gonna do is take the old tops off lose the seeds and try and slice 'em at an angle as finely as possible.
Right - we're sorted.
I need a big, big plate.
Get the old meat - and you can slice it up so I mean it's that easy you know and it takes no time at all.
So just slice it as thinly as you possibly can How many will that feed then do you think? And then we cut it like this and we're gonna kind of flavour it like this you'd serve like 8/10 people out of it so you're actually stretching quite an expensive bit of meat a long way.
And if I'm really lucky - I might even get left overs so I can have my sarnie tomorrow.
Right - here we go.
This is how simple it is lovely kind of leaves of the radish which are nice and mustardy yeah just sprinkle about the place yeah and then you wanna kind of really casually kind of drape this meat, and the whole idea is that we wanna make one layer so we can put all these lovely flavours on and they can all get exposed to it you know? What I wanna do now is just like you know we wanna get the ginger and from a height just like scatter you don't wanna get too low and put it all on one bit you know and then like coriander And then let's have a bit of radish.
Fantastic.
And then let's have the chilli - again - lovely.
So that is absolutely pucker right.
And it's lively and it looks cool, but to get it all happening get some sesame seed oil right which is pretty potent stuff really and just kind of really lightly dribble and just work into the middle in like a little circle.
Soy sauce you can be really generous you just make sure that every bit of meat has got soy sauce over and then you've got the lines yeah squeeze it yeah - there we go mate.
Happy days - we're all done.
NOODLE SALAD The thing I really love about these salads is that like you can pick up something like you know a mushroom and if you slice it like nice and thinly lengthwise all of a sudden it looks almost oriental you know.
But I've got some rocket, bean sprouts, red and green peppers.
Got my spring onions.
You know you can four things or you can have ten things, but the main thing is that it's all crunchy and looks nice.
So let's just plonk this in here.
Lovely baby spinach - right plonk that in there.
Let's check out our - the old noods all sticking They don't take very long to cook those do they? No - couple of minutes.
What else have we got? Yeah nice I've got some coriander and some mint.
I think it's amazing that you can just invite a lot of people round for supper at the drop of a hat Food doesn't always have to be lots of work or a palaver or be all official about it you know it's just about getting your mates round and getting the old boys fed really.
Soon as the boys and girls get here today I'm gonna give 'em some of my Essex boy caviar bit of toast and I'll get the old stuffed chillies out as well and finish that off with the rocket and balsamic vinegar and they will love it.
Right this my perfect day mate and it's certainly turning out to be anyway.
Nothing like having all your mates round for a bit of tucker.
Obviously you don't wanna put warm noodles into the lovely cold crispy, crunchy baked veggies, so we'll get 'em nice and cold.
Let that drain.
I've got these cashews that I've just put in the oven for 5 minutes, just to get nice and golden and they're fantastic when you - when you come across one of those it'll be nice little surprise cos it'll taste lovely.
Now I'm gonna make a dressing yeah and of late I've just started doing it in a jam jar because whatever you don't use put it in the fridge and use it for the next couple of days you know so it's good.
Just gonna chop up the chilli I'm not gonna take the seed out this time I'm just gonna chop them nice and thinly.
So we just put that in the old jam jar.
Garlic - only a little bit of garlic it's just for a little bit of background flavour -just kind of finely slice that and then I've gotta about a thumb sized piece of ginger and I'm just gonna run through that and finely chop it so it's nice and dinky.
Get your limes - and squeeze 'em in to brilliant right so we have four limes in there.
We now need to get soy sauce in there yeah? Couple of tablespoons just to give it that lovely taste and you want about a tablespoon of sesame seed oil cos it's quite strong you don't wanna overdo it.
And then about you know 2/3 times as much oil as there is lime juice so about that much.
Put the lid on give it a good old go on my son Yeah - so get the old noodles in there have all the bits coming out and stuff I won't use it all cos save this for tomorrow.
We just dress it.
Get stuck in there - brilliant colours.
Just tastes brill and it smells amazing actually.
Beautiful - I am so chuffed about this it's gonna look brilliant.
So that's done Let me show you what I normally have if desert's required - secret weapon if in doubt get the old Maltesers out mate - pop the bags right and then you put a cloth over it and you bash the hell out of it.
And I'm gonna give them this cos it's so tasty crumbled or sprinkled over vanilla ice cream.
There you go - we're all really raring to go.
Oh God - Jools is back - get it cleaned up.
Yeah