The Simple Life (2003) s02e03 Episode Script

I'm hungry.
Can we stop and eat? We only have, like, three dollars.
I don't care.
Stop anyway.
You hit it.
You hit it.
It's crushing.
Whatever.
I hate this truck.
It's going to hit every time.
Screw it.
Let's just go inside.
Can I get the tendercrisp chicken sandwich and a sourdough bacon cheeseburger.
- Chicken whopper.
- Two crispy tacos.
Dutch apple pie.
Oh, and a cherry icee.
That's going to be $22.
03.
- Do you have money? - Yeah.
Um, I have some more money in the car.
- How much do we need? - Like, 12 more dollars.
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
Do you have any sauce? I'll get you another one.
How many do you need? She's coming.
You want some? Hi.
Do you know where the rest of the money is? No.
I-I know where it is.
I know where the money is.
Here.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'm just going to go get the rest of the money.
Thanks.
Can I have a salad to go, too, please? I love the fries here.
They're good.
Yeah.
Mmm.
We don't have enough money so can we just give this back to you? You're joking, right? But I'm returning it to you.
Yeah, but you-you bit out of it.
You gave it to me like this.
No, ma'am, I didn't give it to you like that.
Yeah, you did.
Okay, you ladies, I'm glad you think it's funny, but you need to find a way to pay for this food.
Okay.
- Hi, boys.
- Hi, guys.
How you guys doing? Do you, um, guys have $11? We take cash, credit cards, checks.
A ten and a one.
Thanks.
Bye.
- Thank you.
- Thank you, ma'am.
Bye.
Bye.
Thank you.
- That was fun.
- We got away with it.
- As usual.
They forgot their keys and their glasses.
Let's take two girls both filthy rich Isn't that Paris Hilton? From the bright lights into the sticks from velvet ropes to cattle pulls let's take away their limousines their credit cards and shopping sprees.
Well, they're both spoiled rotten will they cry when they hit bottom? Heaven knows if they'll survive this simple road trip kind of life.
- We are broke.
- I know.
I'll strip, do anything.
Pay me some money.
We make more money begging.
- I know.
- There's Wal-mart.
We're like little beggars.
Oh, they have a supercenter here.
What's that mean? I don't know.
Well, the girls are making their way across Florida and, as usual, they're out of money.
I wonder what our job is tomorrow.
Caliente.
It sounds weird.
It sounds hot.
It sounds like a strip club name, doesn't it? Caliente.
No, look at the houses.
At least they're houses.
No, they're trailers.
Are you serious? Yo.
Sir? Where's the club? Excuse me? Where's the sexy club? Around the corner, you'll go all the way back and you'll see this huge clubhouse back there.
Are you going tonight? No, I probably won't.
What kind of club is it? This is, I don't know whether you're aware of this or not .
.
but this is a nudist facility.
A what? Uh, you know, you may feel like a referee at a yo-yo match.
Why? Because we are a nudist facility.
I'm so tired.
We need to take a shower, and we have to be at work in, like, 40 minutes.
This is not how I wanted to wake up.
- Hi, guys.
- Hi.
Where are the showers? They're by the other building.
They're outdoor ones.
They're outdoor ones? Yeah, sort of like.
So everyone watches us shower? - Yes.
- Well, it's sort of that kind of place.
Should we ask one of these people in the houses to let us use their shower? They will.
Good morning.
- Hi.
- Hi.
We have no shower right now.
No shower? And we don't have any money.
Can you let us use your shower, please? Um, well, if you want to come in, you know, you're welcome to come in.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
How long have you guys lived here? About 15 months, we've been in here.
What made you guys want to become nudists? When I was in the navy, all of a sudden I'm taking a shower with 200 other naked men and everything, and, uh, it just felt wonderful.
That's hot.
- That's hot? - Yeah.
And when I got out of the navy, I just became a nudist.
Bye.
- See you later.
- Bye.
Late for work.
Hello.
You girls are awfully late.
You were supposed to be here at 9:30.
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
We really appreciate you helping us out, but you've got to be more on time.
Come on, I'll introduce you to our general manager, Tom Landers.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Tom Landers, this is Paris and Nicole.
They're here to help us work today.
- Welcome.
Have a seat, ladies.
- Thanks.
Have you ladies ever been to a nudist resort before? No.
You'll find the people very friendly.
They're, uh they're outgoing.
They just come out to have fun, enjoy the now.
I'm sure by the end of the day, you'll feel quite comfortable, and hopefully tonight, you'll be able to come in and enjoy our disco.
Some of the do's and don'ts, of course, is to stare at people, to laugh at people, because we want our guests to be made to feel welcome au naturel.
Uh, do you have any questions whatsoever? Do you people have sex out here? Very, very definitely.
On the resort, yes, but No, but, like, right, ike, right there? No.
Not in public.
What if somebody gets (bleep) embarrassed? I, uh I One of the big rules here is that everybody in a nudist resort has got to be sitting on a towel.
Let me just tell you something.
We are running a full house this weekend.
We are very, very busy, so we're going to need all the help we can get from you people to make sure this place is ready for a full house this weekend.
Have you ever cleaned rooms before? No.
I'm sure you've stayed in all kinds of hotel rooms around the world.
Now you're going to find out what it's like to actually clean a room.
- Okay, are we ready to go to work? - Yeah.
- Okay, let's get at it.
- All right.
I'm ready to kill myself.
That's cute.
This is Marc Jacobs.
- Hi.
- Hello, there.
- You all set to do some serious work? - Yeah.
We wanted to look more nude, so we made 'em shorter.
Yeah.
Cindy, I'd like you to meet Nicole and Paris.
Hello.
How are you? Hi, nice to meet you.
Welcome to housekeeping.
This is the inspector's sheet.
There are 92 points that we do inspect: The toilet, the sink, the windows, the bed, the mirror - Okay.
- Pay attention.
What? Towels, toilet, tub, the garbage and the dirty linen, all amenities.
Bars of soap, hand towels, shower cap, shampoo, conditioner, lotion, creamer.
And these are the easy rooms.
I can't believe we have to clean rooms.
So, first of all, we have to remake the bed.
We touch no personal belongings.
We don't mess with the drawers, because there may be personal objects in them.
- This is cute.
- Isn't it? That could be grounds for termination.
- What's termination? - Fired.
Ew, this bathroom's sick.
Toilet seats gross me out.
Then you can do the bathroom.
Swish it around.
You don't have to touch anything.
Let me show you.
You don't have to touch anything on the toilet.
You can use this brush.
Now you can wipe it down dry.
Oh, sorry.
Ew.
Ew I'm going to barf.
- Paris, look.
- What? - There's a mirror.
- That's hot.
Are you working, or are you playing? We've got another room.
- You guys can do it on your own? - Yeah.
No goofing off.
No playing around.
Okay.
I'm so tired.
- Do you want coffee? - Yeah.
- Did these people check out yet? - No.
- They didn't? - No.
Let's charge stuff to their room.
Oh Ew.
Ah! It's dirty in there.
I don't want to touch this person's anything.
Ew! Ew.
Ew! Ew! (Bleep) this thing.
Let's just go.
I'm over it.
- We're going to get in trouble.
- Who cares? Paris? Loves it! Do you love it? Remember when we were little, we used to jump? Yeah, and whoever could jump the farthest would own the park.
Girls.
What are you doing? You are supposed to be in that room cleaning-- if you continue to mess around, I will have to report you to Tom.
- Who's Tom? - Your boss.
- Oh.
Help me.
The cart-- you took the cart on the playground? She did it.
Housekeeping.
Don't let me stop you.
Just do what you got to do.
Oh.
Ew.
You (bleep) peed all over the seat.
No, what do you mean? I'm going to throw up.
Sure it's not just water from a shower? Yellow water.
You guys, let's get this work done.
I'm not cleaning this room.
I'm so hungry.
Let's just order food.
- Why doesn't it work? - Press nine first.
I did.
It doesn't work.
Let's see if he has a cell phone.
Oh.
What's the number, Nicole? Hi, we'd like to order food, please? Southwest spring rolls, grilled chicken deluxe, calamari à la vinaigrette and one nacho Santa Fe.
Ask if someone naked will deliver it.
Hi, can you send a maid to 117? This room is disgusting.
I need it cleaned immediately.
Thank you.
Room service.
- These are the best nachos I ever had.
- Isn't it good? So good.
That's good.
We should've got a pizza instead.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You need this clean? - Yes.
- Okay.
- Do you want clean bathroom? - Yes, please.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Oh, (bleep).
We didn't do that.
We didn't (bleep) on the seat.
She hates us.
- Where are you from? - Colombia.
- That's hot.
- Mm-hmm.
- I like your shoes zapatos.
- Zapatos.
She's got a cute haircut, too.
- We like the pelo.
- Pelo.
- It's cute.
- It's cute.
Thank you, you.
- I'm so glad we don't have to clean.
- I know.
Imagine if the boss walked in right now.
Thank you.
Oh - So you should put a big tip - Hmm? On our account for the room.
Charge it to the room.
O h.
- As much as you want.
- Thank you.
- Well, girls, are you done? - Yeah.
- Yes.
Let me look.
Very nice.
Very nice.
I'm very surprised.
Very good, except you forgot your coffee cups.
Oh, yeah.
But other than that, wonderful.
And I will make sure I let Tom know you did a wonderful job.
Who's Tom? Here are your housekeepers for the day.
- They did a wonderful job.
- Well, how did they do? They surprised me.
Super.
On to the next task.
This exercise we would like you to do is help us with a body acceptance course that we're going to be having downstairs in our aerobics room.
Oh.
We're here for a body acceptance class.
And maybe we could just start by looking at our knees.
How do people feel about their knees? - I think my knees are sexy.
- I like my knees.
They're very nice, very nice and then of course there's the breasts.
I love my little breasts.
That is great.
I love my silly (bleep).
I love my body.
Good for you.
That's beautiful.
That's nice.
Everyone loves the puss.
Your puss? Puss? We like to call it our puss.
Mug.
What we'd like to do is give everyone an opportunity to tell the next person what they feel is good about their body.
Why don't everybody pair up and just say what do you like about their body.
What do you like about your body? - I like my stomach.
- You do? What do you like about your body? - Um, everything.
- Everything? So Paris, why don't you pick somebody else? Um, what do you like about your body? I just feel for my age-- I am not a young person-- I just feel for-for my age, that I I have aged naturally, and I-I love my whole body.
- That's hot.
- I'm not ashamed of it at all.
What do you like about your body? - Uh, I like my stomach.
- Cool.
- And my lips, my face.
- Yeah, very pretty.
And my arms, my legs.
We've been given us an assignment.
We would like everyone to write a little poem about nudism, about Caliente, about how they feel about things.
Would you like to read yours? Outside naked I go any time I feel so.
The sun, the moon make me glow, not near as much as people, though.
Oh.
Very nice.
Paris, you want to go next? Mine's really dumb.
Caliente means hot because that's what we're taught.
Everyone loves their bodies because they're all hotties.
Oh! How nice.
Yours is funnier.
All right, I'll read mine.
This resort makes me feel silly and free.
I support places where you can show parts from which you (bleep).
So shake your (bleep) and your (bleep), shake the (bleep).
Let's get silly.
That's hot.
Great job, ladies.
That was awesome.
I really feel that you have the essence of what being a nudist is about.
- I love it here.
- Yes.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah! Well, it looks like the girls figured out one of the most important things in life.
It's what's inside a person that matters, even if they're wearing nothing on the outside.
It's fun to stay at the ymca it's fun to stay at the ymca young man, young man, I was once in your shoes young man, young man, I was down with the blues ymca This is hot.
Ymca I don't know what to say.
Naked.
Naked.
Young man, young man, I was once in your shoes young man, young man, I was down with the blues ymca Next time on The Simple Life I love animals.
We love animals.
We love to grill them fry them barbecue them.
What the hell are you all doing? Making sausages.
Oh, my god.
He, like, threw a bug on me.
We hate him.
James, we're trying to give a good impression.
All right, James, I will beat your (bleep) face in.
I hate this house.