The Wrong Girl (2016) s02e03 Episode Script

O-M-G! Here she is, my producer! I'm the host of my very own breakfast show.
She just threw up on the Health Minister! It's all right, Nikkii, Nikkii.
It's okay.
I'm sorry if that upset you, but you are the Minister for health.
Do you feel uncomfortable being around sick people? Oh, snap! What's going on with you and Vincent? Well, like, I love him.
Of course I love him.
Just like a second-best friend.
Pete Pete? Pete Barnett? - Yep.
- I'm a big fan.
Have you thought about developing stuff for TV? Oh No, breakfast TV's not really Pete's thing.
Oh, forget breakfast.
I like this guy.
We should have a meeting.
You were not happy about Jack and Lily.
If you want her in your life, Pete, you have to decide to get over her.
The bathroom needs a bit of work, but look, I thought this could be a .
.
home office.
- Would that be good for this? - Yeah, no.
This would be perfect for that.
(WHISPERS) Honey.
Babe.
- Hmm? - Sorry.
Sorry.
Hey, do you know where the keys are? Try my jacket pocket.
(KEYS JANGLE) The Wrong Girl 2x03 Sep 07, 2017 So, tonight with my brother, it starts right on six.
Well, as he said, be there by six or don't bother.
I'll be there at 5:45.
It's just, my family get a little narky about punctuality, about most things, in fact, so don't take anything personally.
It'll be fine.
Have you seen my earrings anywhere? MIMI: Um, excuse me, Jack, I didn't know if you liked your smalls folded or Uh, no firm position on that, but thanks, Mim.
Whereas my family are totally normal.
(SCOFFS) Another 24 hours and we could get the okay for our own home.
I hope so.
Is knocking not a thing anymore? Relax.
I've actually seen you both naked.
- So, Jack's brother's a barrister? - Mm-hm.
MIMI: Oh, that is so unfair! Why do some families get all the talent? Thanks, Mum.
I don't understand why we're suddenly people who go walking to nowhere and back again.
For health and well-being.
To spy on your son.
Hang on, is that Alice? What are they doing together? They're just mates, or so says he.
When did this happen? Your work drinks.
Oh, but he hasn't said a word.
They do look cute together.
If you were the Daily Mail, would you call that flirting or just dallying? Canoodling.
I can't be a party to this.
Shame on you both.
I'm going to work.
I thought you already got the sack from this job.
You can't remember how to button your shirt but you remember that? I remember you whingeing about it.
But you get it to work with Lily again, eh? No, separate, actually.
Different show, different producer.
I'm developing something.
I'm sure you are.
All right, we're going.
Yeah.
We have to drop by the hardware on the way.
What? We're late for your appointment.
I have to get to work.
And I have to get pop rivets.
I'm working on Mimi's front porch.
I'm sure you are.
ANTHONY: Look, you'll probably need to rewire in a couple of years, but this has got fantastic bones.
LILY: Okay But what are you doing at the house? Jack asked me.
She is a real beaut.
It's the perfect family home.
Well, we are not there yet.
Look, I've gotta run, sweetheart.
Love you.
- Hey, office buddy.
- Hey.
Aren't you supposed to be in a brainstorming meeting with Jeremy? Oh, that's the consolidating and cogitating session after lunch.
In the mornings, I shadow.
So apart from friendship, what else is he paying you for? Oh, that's a good question.
(CLUB MUSIC) So, you follow, observe and absorb, and when the show's ready, we pitch.
Ahh I assume you tell him like you tell me and everybody else what you really think of TV.
Uh-huh.
To me, TV is the nicotine that keeps consumers smoking the advertising cigarette.
- And? - (INHALES SHARPLY) I just don't see You'll get a development retainer and half the creator profits.
I admit I was quick to sell my soul, but in my defence, I got a way better price than I expected.
I'm super happy for you both.
Really? Because you seem kind of annoyed.
Do you want me to quit? NIKKII: Alice! Almond only from downstairs.
The almond up here is sweetened.
Up here I drink skim.
Got it? No.
Don't quit.
I need all the moral support I can get.
Is she actually a host now? Australia's number one host amongst 18 to 35-year-olds.
That is terrifying.
- PB! - Ahh! Ha-ha! J.
PB&J! Like the American sandwich.
Yummy.
How's the house hunting going? Yeah.
I know all.
The bank called me to make sure you actually work here.
That's a pretty hefty loan on your salary.
Jack must be doing some heat and eat commercials.
No, we'd be going 50-50.
I mean, yeah, he's handling the majority of the deposit but What could go wrong? Your room awaits, squire.
Right next to mine! Hang on! Was that why I was moved? You're in my office? Oh, it's more a project space.
You can't be creative in an office.
You've got a bean bag? - Yeah! - Whoa.
So you got the changes.
We're doing the burkini thing.
The bikini thing? An aquatics centre kicked out a couple of girls in burkinis.
We're going with that instead.
What about the equal pay hot button? Run it next weekend.
Hell, run it 2049.
It's not going anywhere.
Anyway, who do we get on? I say firebrand sheikh versus nationalist leader.
Isn't that a little inflammatory? Yes.
- Pete.
Thought lab in 10.
- Right.
Gotcha.
Hey, so buying a house, huh? Congrats.
It's not done yet.
It's more like a financial investment.
Wow, that's genuine grown-up right there.
Yeah, nothing says adult like 35 years of insurmountable debt.
So what's the place like? - We've only looked at one.
- Mm.
It's beautiful.
Big.
- Nice, big kitchen for Jack.
- Nice.
How we've changed, huh? Remember back in the day you used to say that all you need to feel at home was a scented candle and the complete set of Jane Austen? I can still have Jane Austen.
Now it's all, like, guest rooms and swimming pools.
You know what? I need to be in producer mode now, so as co-workers, we should probably establish a work-nonwork chat barrier at, like, reception.
- Okay.
Are you angry - So about the office or the - ALICE: Lil.
- Because Lynn Price from the Reserve Bank's lined up and ready to go.
Oh, sorry, yeah, change of plan.
Can you get me a list of Islamic councils? Okay.
Has Vincent mentioned anything to you about him and Alice? Sorry, I feel a little uncomfortable.
Is this a work chat or? - Ooh! Oh, no.
Please.
- Ooh.
Can I? - Thanks.
- Go.
Okay.
What about A Night in the Life.
We switch a devout Muslim girl with a tattooed club rat and follow them for the night.
No.
On so many levels.
One note, Pete.
Creativity flows best in a "yes, and" environment.
Yes, that's offensive, and it's also completely impractical.
Yes, I'm at the beach, wearing, like, a J Crew shoulder tie one piece with a cute little straw boater, and Alice is next to me in a burkini.
It's not exactly how you play the game.
What are you doing at the beach? I can't think of everything, Lily! You know what? I want to know what Pete thinks.
Oh, I'm just .
.
I'm just shadowing Jeremy.
You are a fresh perspective.
Um, well, I guess what you're trying to do is highlight the absurdity of finding arbitrary differences in people's headwear, then that could be interesting.
Yes.
That is exactly it.
- Thank you, Pete.
- You're welcome.
Top work, PB.
That's how we 'yes, and'.
So, Lily and Alice, you get on to guests and Pete's gonna write the segment.
Pete? Unless you want me on guests, Lily.
Yes, Mariam.
I completely understand it's a sensitive area.
Okay, let me check.
ALICE: Lil, what about this one? Too skinheady.
I want conservative, not extremist.
What's it like? My guest won't commit unless she gets a sense of - if it's going to be - Shh, sss, ss! Probably needs, like, a language tweak.
This is perfect.
Go, Pete! Can I keep him? Day one, already proving his worth.
I have one note.
I have just coloured this hair.
Nothing is touching it unless it's covered in shea butter You read.
Alice! You model.
I need her.
We haven't booked any guests.
You'd better get a wriggle on.
It's after five.
What about this one? Glenda Westhouse.
She's the head of the Australia United Movement.
She's pro-gun, anti-sharia.
She doesn't have any links to any white supremacist groups.
Well, at least on her website anyway.
You worried you can't find a guest to match her? Mariam will more than match her.
If she agrees.
She will.
Shit, I've got to go.
You call me as soon as you've booked her in.
Yeah.
Lil, I haven't actually checked.
Great work, Alice.
No, but I haven't actually (KNOCKS) Knock, knock.
Everything okay? Each of these mics belonged to one of the greats.
Graham, Bert.
The tall, skinny one's Don, of course.
I watched them every week growing up.
I just loved them.
Lonely kid in the arse end of Geelong, dreaming a dream.
I know everyone is excited about Nikkii, Eric, but this is still your show.
It's called obsolescence, Lily, and it happens to us all.
(SIGHS) I can't vomit on a guest.
I don't have the gag reflex.
You just do you, Eric.
That is more than enough.
I've gotta go.
I'm meeting Jack's brother, but Oh, yes, you and Jack.
You guys are buying a house together.
Okay, how do you know that? Jeremy told me.
Um And I think it's great! Good on you.
Seriously.
Don't choose career over the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Trust me, I know.
- We're not there yet, so it's - Wait Won't be long.
I mean, you've already ticked off numbers three and five of the six signs.
Six signs? What six signs? We did the segment two Valentine's Days on the trot.
The six signs he's going to propose.
- I don't rem - Yes! Number one, he says, "We're a team.
" Number two, he increases his touch.
Three, you meet family.
Four, he gets a new jewellery box.
"Are you free, Mr Humphries?" "I'm free!" "Oh, vicar!" It's coming back to me.
Yes, remember? Five, you guys buy a house together.
And six, secret meetings with your dad.
All the pieces are fitting together, aren't they? No.
I can tell by the look on your face that maybe they are.
- Hey! - Hey.
I just got abused by some idiot who blamed me for her flowers wilting after I expressly told her not to mix them with daffodils.
- Hey, Alice.
- Hiya.
Just making some spag bog.
- Want some? - Uh, spag bog? Spag bol.
Uh, no.
It's spag bog.
Ooh, I'm 100% sure it's spag bol.
All right, then, I'll make some spaghetti bolognese.
Would you like some? Um no.
- It's okay.
I've got plans.
- Sure? Sit down.
Nah.
No, um, uh But have fun.
(LAUGHS) Look, Mariam, I can't give you the talking points, but I promise you we won't discuss Syria.
We won't even touch Syria, yeah? Sean, this is Lily.
Lily, Sean.
So pretty.
Oh, thanks.
So, I hear you're a documentary maker.
Oh, I'm working on something else at the moment, but I'm trying to get She's got some great ideas.
So there is one thing that I've got to know straight up if you're serious about seeing my brother Who's your football team? Uh, Lily's not Bulldogs.
Massive Doggies fan.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Sorry, sorry.
- Hey, it's Dad.
- Hey! - Hey, love the shirt.
Well, thanks.
We've got a bachata lesson.
There's a Dominican dance hall up the road.
- Wow.
- She's been fed.
New nappy.
- She should crash soon.
- (WHISPERS) Hello! - Here's Daddy.
- Hello! Hello! - Okay, you guys go have fun.
- Okay, we will - Bachata the shit out of it.
- Bye, Manisha.
See ya.
See ya, Mummy.
See ya, Mitchell.
Bye.
Mmm.
(PHONE RINGS) Hold this.
It's Aunty Lily.
Keep it short.
I'm on a date with a bubbly, red-headed yoga teacher.
Are you really? (CLEARS THROAT) Is this about the office situation? No, I need talking points on the Bulldogs.
Go.
Okay.
Who's better, Bontempelli or Johannisen? I I don't understand what you just said.
All right.
Just say, "Oh, what about Bob Murphy?" It works with any inflection, doesn't it? Oh, there you are.
I was gonna have to send in a search party.
Sorry.
Just powdering my nose.
Yes, I've heard about you producers.
No.
Oh, no, no.
No, no.
I'm not into that.
Don't worry.
I won't drag him back into that world.
Into what world? Just kidding.
We know.
- My God, do we know.
- Yeah, okay.
Thank you.
So, speaking of the Bulldogs, what about Bill Murphy? Hey? Bob Murphy.
The nickname my dad and I gave him was old Billy Murphy.
- That's what I - Oh, it's just sickening.
- How do you get more beautiful? - (SQUEALS) - (LAUGHS) - Hi! Look at you! Stunner.
Jack.
Winters.
- What are you - (SQUEALS) Mmmm.
What are you doing here? You're in Montpellier.
Yeah, yeah, I got back last month, and Sean wanted me to know what a big deal he is now.
Says Miss I've Got More Michelin Stars Than I Have Nipples.
I could have three nipples.
- Oh, does she? - (GIGGLES) Oh.
Oh, sorry, hi.
- Yeah, this is my partner, Lily.
- Yeah, hi.
- So great to meet you.
- Yeah, oh, no.
G Gillian.
Gillian.
The world's best pastry chef, Gillian.
- Hi.
- Oh, I like her.
Look at you.
Someone's got a type.
- Ha! (LAUGHS) - Subtle.
So, um, please tell me that you're back here to open up a patisserie? Uh, kind of.
Um, actually I've been asked back to do a taping for a cooking show.
- Oh, congratulations.
- Believe it or not, yeah.
If you've got any tips? Jack has all the tips, but if you're after a specialist taster, I'm your gal.
Ohh! (GIGGLES) I wasn't too crash hot on it either, but you were furious.
Yes, he flipped the plate.
It wasn't a plate.
It was a lazy Susan.
- Whatever it was, Mum was not happy.
- (LAUGHS) So crazy.
I'm fine with water, thank you.
Good for you.
And for the rest of us.
What are you gonna do now? Well, I'm back at the restaurant, but I'm just glad you got off that show you were on.
You said I was an idiot for leaving it.
For leaving TV, not the show.
You enlightened an entire country just by making a few vol-au-vents and flashing your dimple.
No one's made a vol-au-vent since 1987, mate.
All I'm saying is that there are plenty of other cooking shows out there.
You two haven't changed a bit.
You have.
Last time we were all together, all it was was screaming and teas.
- And that was just you.
- (LAUGHS) So, Jack and I, we met at a restaurant in the CBD - and I was the sous-chef - (PHONE RINGS) and he was this nonchalant little upstart who thought that he could do better, but So sorry.
I have to get this.
It's work.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Mariam? Hi.
That show you're dissing, it's hers.
Yeah, but it was crap.
Just tone it down a little bit.
I'm just glad you got off it when you did.
Why, what are they doing? Here, I've got the promo.
Some sensationalist crap about banning burqas.
Seriously, how does that help anybody? I know it seems a bit crass but the promos are just there to bring people in.
- What kinds of people? - I promise it'll it'll be fair.
Both sides of the story.
But there aren't two sides of the story, are there? There's a person being attacked for their religion and another person doing the attacking.
The show starts conversations.
Yeah, so does Aunty Susie, but that doesn't mean people need to hear them.
Okay.
I'm gonna leave you guys to catch up.
I Yeah.
- Ah, don't - No, it's Honestly, no, it's fine.
I really I have to get up early for the show.
Well, I'll be watching.
It's so nice to meet you.
Thank you.
You too, Gillian.
Hey, Lil.
Do you want me to come with you? No, no.
It's fine.
Stay.
Catch up with your brother and chat about the show with Gillian.
- Look, he he didn't mean to say - No, it's okay.
I don't disagree with him on this one.
And I told you about Gillian.
Yes, you did.
But thank you for checking anyway.
She's really nice.
You've got good taste.
Yes, I do.
All right.
So, I've been waiting for a moment.
We got a letter today.
Oh, wow.
There it is.
We're buying a house! Yeah, I guess we are.
They were cooking spag bog together.
It was very sensual.
Really? Pasta just makes me bloated.
There's definite URST between them.
MURST, even.
Massive Unresolved Sexual Tension.
At least, I don't think it's resolved.
Can it be resolved? According to the doctors, not so much.
It doesn't need to be resolved to be resolved, does it? All done, Mims.
Oh, thanks, Ivan.
Yeah, you shouldn't have any more leakage.
Ivan, do men only enjoy sex if they arrive at their destination or can they enjoy the journey? I think I'm unprepared for this conversation.
(DOOR CLOSES) Lil, hi.
- Ivan.
Hi.
- Oh! How was he? Terrifyingly brilliant.
He speaks exclusively in pithy catchphrases that are at once witty and insightful.
He also hates me.
Well, he can't be that bright.
Mind you, he loves Gillian.
Who's Gillian? Gillian Tremain.
Jack's sexy, international award-winning, croissant-making ex.
Googling now.
Sav blanc? I'm still working.
Oh, yeah, she's hot.
Oh, dear.
It's like the whole package, isn't it? LILY: All I'm asking is you don't make your mind up until you come in tomorrow and we talk face-to-face.
Thank you so much.
No, thank you, Mariam.
No, I really I really appreciate it.
It's gonna be great.
Okay, see you then.
Is everything okay? Thanks for having us stay, Mum.
It's okay, sweetie.
It's been wonderful.
Can I just ask, with Dad, did you suspect he was up to anything before he proposed? No.
Totally blindsided.
There were no signs? At all? Well, in retrospect, but uh at the time, oblivious.
Why, you don't think Jack? Maybe.
Oh, what are you gonna do? I want to be with him, but this is big.
You know? How did Dad do it? Hotels, mainly.
I think there was a hostess at a bathroom at the airport at Changi - but I can't be certain - What? Darling, look, I I so don't want to tell you how to run your life, but in my experience, once a cheater, always a cheater.
Is it the Gillian person? What? I meant propose.
I think Jack is going to propose.
That's terrific! It's terrifying.
- Why? - Why!? We just had a conversation where you admitted your entire marriage was punctuated with infidelity and deception.
No, that was just us.
No.
Grandma and Grandpa.
Nan and Pop.
Uncle Glen and Lucy.
Uncle Glen and Trish.
- Uncle Glen - Okay.
All divorced.
Erase this conversation.
Strike it from the record.
No, wait, wait, wait.
Darling, we weren't a team, your dad and I.
Well, I mean, we did, we had good times, we had ambitions.
They were very different ambitions.
Your dad went to work, I stayed at home.
We weren't a team.
Plus, he couldn't stop his penis from falling into all these other women.
It was mainly the team thing.
That went well.
He wants to come for a drink after you work tomorrow.
He does or you do? What's Gillian's TV idea like? Good.
Actually, she asked me to do a guest spot on a test filming.
That'll be fun.
Do you want to? I don't know.
Would you mind? No, not at all.
- Are you disappointed in me? - What? You told Sean I'm still making documentaries.
I'm proud of whatever you do.
We're a team.
(TRAIN HORN BLARES) (WHISPERS) Do you know where the keys are? Try my jacket pocket.
(KEYS JANGLE) SIMONE: Morning! Big night? Um Nup.
Oh, right, Alice starts work at, like, what, 3:00 am.
She didn't stay.
Oh.
You all right? Mm-hm.
You don't seem all right.
You're doing that weird clipped thing.
I'm absolutely fine.
(MUMBLES) You don't seem fine.
Well, I'm not fine now because you keep telling me how not fine I am.
Okay.
It was the sex, all right? If you want to know, it was the sex.
I froze up, I freaked out and so Which is so frustrating because I was good at it.
And I know how that sounds.
I don't want to sound I was good in bed, and now 'Cause what's the point in a relationship, in any relationship, if you can't I can't I don't wanna talk about it.
I'm sorry.
I've gotta go to work.
Hey.
How did it go with Jack's brother? - Fine.
- Yeah? Did you see the burkini package? Yeah.
Looks like you hit the ground running.
Okay, are you are you positive you're not angry about me being here? - Angry? - Yeah.
Why would I be angry? I've only spent the last eight years here working, trying to develop my own projects and you swan in, - taking my office, no less - I didn't know it was your office.
Yeah, and you get handed one on a silver platter.
You're the one who put it on a platter! Exactly.
And you rejected my offer, only to go and work on the exact same idea - with the guy trying to steal my job.
- No, no, not the exact same No, in fact, it's quite a different idea.
You said you don't know what it is.
I know that it's its own show and not a segment.
On a show you hate.
- No, I didn't say that.
- Thank you.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd rather spend my energy defending the show to an actual guest.
(SIGHS) (DING!) I just want you to be heard.
Being heard these days usually just leads to being trolled.
Which is exactly why the public need to keep seeing amazing women like you on shows like this every day.
(SIGHS) Last time I did this, I got death threats.
Just stay calm, breathe, and no matter what happens, no matter what she says, you'll stay on the high ground.
I promise.
Okay.
Let's do this.
You're a star.
Now, Chen will take you to get a mic pack on, then we're only a short while away.
Yep.
Wonderful.
Lily, this is Glenda Westhouse, the head of the Australia United Movement.
I'm Lily Woodward.
I'm the show's producer.
- How are you? - I'm fine.
Just so you know, I am not gonna be pussyfooting around on this one.
I call a spud a spud.
I'm a woman who won't be told what to say.
- MAN: Three, two - (BREAKFAST BAR THEME MUSIC FADES) Okey-dokey.
Well, it's time for this weekend's hot button topic, where we find Nikkii checking out the burkini.
That's right.
The burkini.
She has a look at the recent cossie controversy.
Throughout history, in every culture on earth, headwear has played a variety of roles.
But when a suburban swimming pool ejected two women for wearing burkinis, it sparked a heated debate as to whether the attire is a symbol of religious oppression or individual liberty.
This is not a burqa, by the way.
It's a hijab.
This is a burkini.
Although technically it should be called a hijabini, but that doesn't quite have the same ring to it.
(CLAPPING) Pete Barnett! Now, joining us to have the discussion is Australia United Movement founder, Glenda Westhouse, and prominent Islamic academic Dr Mariam Hadiz.
Ladies, welcome.
Thanks for having me.
- My mum says hi.
Massive fan.
- Oh, bless her.
Well, a big hello to your mum.
Hello, Mum.
(LAUGHS) Now, Mariam, we'll start with you.
How do you respond to this incident? Well, I think it's really unfortunate.
These women were just enjoying a swim in a way that fits with their faith.
I acknowledge that people have concerns over how much choice women have but Yeah, you know, this is what really pisses me off, Nikkii.
The idea that women are told what to wear.
I mean, that is what the Australia United Movement is all about, protecting our way of life.
And section 116 of the Constitution states that there shall be no law that prohibits the free exercise of any religion, and that obviously includes burkinis.
She seems to be more pro-burkini and anti-burkini.
I mean, I personally go for a bikini.
The short briefs.
You know, the bottoms with the little frill.
- Mm! - Yeah.
I wanted car crash television and this is roadside assistance.
Alice? I just assumed from the anti-sharia stuff.
Anyway, you said not too extreme.
And might I add, Mariam, I love that scarf.
Should we roll the package with the Dalai Lama and Coldplay singing Give Peace a Chance? Or maybe it'll go viral in a nice way? Like cold sores.
Lily, that was Sasha.
What did she say? "Fix it.
" Really loudly.
- The colour is really divine.
- Thank you.
Eric, this is your chance to assert yourself.
What do you think? Um, ladies, uh as a feminist myself Oh, Lord.
I have to say, I find it quite un-Australian, you know, the suggestion that women be, you know, made to remove or made to wear something while they're swimming, or anywhere for that matter But should they be made to remove something they want to wear? Do they really want to, Glenda? You're saying women can't decide for themselves? Or what about a wetsuit? Would that be acceptable? (LAUGHS) Well, of course! So when does a collar on a wetsuit become too high? - Eric, keep keep it - I-I-I hope I would say - Keep it general.
- Um Keep it general.
Above the ears? So the suit Cathy Freeman wore when she won gold at the Sydney Olympics, one of the most iconic moments in Aussie history, would she be banned? Great question.
Would she, you know Well, yes, yes, in this case.
Cathy Freeman would, in fact, be banned.
There we go.
Got there in the end.
NIKKII: Back soon with more at The Breakfast Bar.
SASHA: You know who I was just on the phone to? A six-figure sponsor whose new campaign features Cathy Freeman, informing me they will no longer be six-figure sponsors.
They will now be single-figure sponsors.
Do you know what that figure is? - Zero? - Zero.
Correct.
- I'll fix this.
- Will you? Yes, like, actually fix it.
Just give me the day.
Well, that was interesting.
Last night I went through the thousands of ways that could go wrong, and that was not one of them.
Hey, look, about me working with Jeremy, I do acknowledge my about-face.
I'd call it your betrayal.
Okay, well, let's settle on backflip, shall we? "Look, Lil, this book means so much to me.
"I practically bled into the keyboard.
" I did not say it like that.
You said it exactly like that.
Okay, fine, I'm a turncoat, but look, the manuscript's failed with everyone except Jeremy.
You were.
I It was a big opportunity and I have to think of my niche and now, so thank you for putting it in front of him.
- Hey, you guys, uh - Hmm.
So what's the word? Not good.
I meant to say, why is it that women are always the ones being told what to wear? Yeah, but unfortunately what you said is that one of our most beloved public figures shouldn't be allowed in public spaces.
Did I? But that was just It was Eric being Eric, you know? I think we need to apologise.
Okay.
But let's let's keep it fun.
(CLICKS FINGERS) Yeah? I will forgive everything if you'll help me write this apology.
- Everything? - Everything.
So, um, what do we want to achieve? Big picture.
To not receive any more hate mail.
- (PHONE RINGS) - Ah.
Ah Sorry.
That's you.
If you were gonna propose to someone, would you talk to their father about it before you spoke to them? Uh I guess it depends.
On what? On I don't know, whether I needed him to pay for the wedding.
So, yes.
Look, I mean, I probably wouldn't, but if it's Jack we're talking about then, you know, he's way more chivalrous than me.
Is this really about his methods or your hang-ups? I mean, I'm the same.
We're the products of shitty, badly thought out marriages that resulted in heartache and acrimony.
- It's why we're so messed up.
- Speak for yourself.
Okay, um, I'm the child of a bitter and twisted divorce that resulted in two angry, estranged kids, lifelong issues and the belief that monogamy is neither possible nor desirable.
So I've just realised you've stolen my office again.
Let's just focus on the apology, shall we? I know what you need.
A sex specialist.
A hooker? No, don't use that word.
That's like calling you a cripple.
I am a cripple.
Well, you're allowed to say that.
You will call a professional sex worker a sex worker.
Now, do you want sex or not? Yes.
Well, then, go out there and take it.
No.
That sounds rapey.
Go out there and pursue it in a charming and consensual way.
I just I don't want any pity sex.
Sim, I said I don't want No, it's not pity.
It's scientific.
Unless Sorry.
SEAN: It'll be fine.
JACK: Just don't do that thing that you do.
What thing? I just need tonight to go really well.
- Hi.
- Hey.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
Bit of a situation at work.
So we saw.
So are you gonna be the one to fire him? Sean We're hoping an apology will calm things down.
What, one of those, "If you're offended, I regret it" ones? Hopefully it'll be a little more sincere than that.
Look, Lily, I'm not sold on your show.
- Okay, hey, can we just - No, no, you know what? Look, it's okay.
You hate it.
I get it.
Do I question some of my life choices when things get a little sensational? Sure.
But we also do plenty of segments that make everyday people think about real issues, and that I am super proud off.
I was going to say that I'm not sold on your show, but this is the most settled I've seen this guy in ages.
So in spite of the fact that you clearly know nothing about footy .
.
you must be special.
Now.
I'm going to leave you two to your romantic dinner.
- Romantic dinner? - Ta-ta.
Hmmm So, did you really plan this? JACK: I just figured we haven't had a moment to ourselves since we got back.
Plus I want to talk to you about something.
Something big, actually.
I want to ask you Wait, wait, wait.
I think I know what you're gonna say and I feel strange about it.
Strange? Like, I get the whole gentlemanly, old-school vibe thing.
I get it.
And it's But it's too much.
It's too much.
This is too much.
First the house and now You don't want to buy the house? No, I do, but it's It's a lot all at once and it's like, I feel like I can't breathe.
A lot.
Do I want to marry you? Can I? I don't know if I can.
It's That's a big We haven't even spoken about it yet.
I wasn't gonna ask you to marry me.
Then what was with all the signs? What signs? The house.
My dad.
Meeting your brother.
The ring.
Look, I do want to propose some time, just not now, and definitely not with your grandmother's ring.
Then, why was Your mum bailed me up last night when I got home.
I want you to have it.
It belonged to Lily's grandmother, Fifi.
Oh, the divorced one, who said that apartheid were the best years of her life? She had her quirks.
Well, what did you want to ask me about, then? About Gillian.
- Mm-hm.
- The pilot.
The segment I helped out on.
They bought it on the spot on the proviso that well, I host it too.
That's What did you say? That I'd think about it.
What's different about that offer to all the other offers you've had? I mean, apart from Gillian.
Hey, that's not the reason that I'm doing it.
No, it's not that I'm jealous.
I actually thought you didn't want to do TV anymore.
I was happy in New Zealand.
You wanted to come back here, which is great.
But you said, "Follow your gut.
" This is me following my gut.
I thought your gut didn't want to work on any more TV shows.
No, my gut just didn't want to work on your TV show.
And it's good to know where you stand on that.
And marriage, apparently.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Um I No, sorry, you go.
The other night No, you don't Um Alice and I had a chat and we've decided that, um, we're just gonna get to know each other a bit better.
You know, see what happens, so You don't need to - worry.
- Yeah.
Good.
Yeah, that's good.
(BREAKFAST BAR THEME MUSIC) Willkommen.
Bienvenue.
Slamak pagi boo.
- Selamat pagi pak.
- (LAUGHS) Cunning linguists, welcome to The Breakfast Bar, and happy Sunday.
Now, first off the bat this morning, folks, I wanted to address some feedback we received after yesterday's hot button segment.
Um It appears I said some things that some viewers found offensive.
Now, they were my own personal views.
They certainly don't reflect the views of the show.
Which is why I've come to the conclusion that I need not apologise.
Because I'm a straight shooter.
I tell it like it is.
The PC brigade, the latte sippers Oh, yeah, I'll have a soy.
Do you know what? I'm not going to let them bully me for speaking my truth.
They can keep their bleeding hearts.
I am Eric Albrechtsen and I will keep an open mind.
I tell you what, you do you.
I'll do Eric.
Fair? I think so.
Coming up on The Breakfast Bar this morning - That was you, wasn't it? - Yeah.
He's gonna get slaughtered.
I don't think so.
No, it's better to own these things nowadays.
Post-fact, fake news.
You haven't done anything wrong until you apologise for it, so don't apologise.
- Jeremy! - Mm? Thank you.
That was great advice.
Lily, you too.
Thank you.
You're so right.
Let's let Eric be Eric.
"Let's let Eric be Eric"! (CHUCKLES) You know what I mean? That was great! Hey.
I did not write that, by the way.
Are you stealing from the office already? Uh, no.
This is Sorry, I didn't get time to wrap it but it's a housewarming present for you.
I ran out of time to get the scented candles.
Thank you.
It's not annoying having you here.
Oh, well, give it a week.
JACK: Hey.
Hi! Hi.
Oh.
Sorry to surprise you at work.
No, it's fine.
It's nice.
I just I've thought about everything that you've said, and you're right.
That was a big thing to do with the show, so I won't do it if you don't want me to.
Of course I do.
And I also want you to know that my pathological fear of commitment has nothing to do with you.
That's fine.
But I put my cards on the table now, so if you change your mind, the ball is in your court.
Let's go home.
Made you some ravioli.
You're the best.