Transparent (2014) s02e03 Episode Script

Morning.
Good morning, sweetie.
- Is there coffee? - Yes.
Gobs of it.
You're headed the wrong way.
- It's right there, princess.
- Oh, okay.
Thank you.
Thank you for letting me sleep over.
Yeah.
You look great in my kimono.
How'd you sleep? Um, not great.
I have to be honest with you.
There's sort of a wet heat in the turret, and I I couldn't find the AC.
There is no AC.
But you can speak to Sal about it when he gets out.
He's getting out? Is his release imminent? - Mm.
Parole.
- That's great.
Yeah.
Couple weeks.
- Oh.
- Say your prayers.
Does he have a plan? Sal always has a plan.
He's in for white collar stuff, you know.
The same shit that Martha Stewart went up for.
Oh, I love Martha Stewart.
Aww, look You look amazing.
- Good morning, bitches.
- Good morning.
How do you wake How is that possible? - Good morning.
- Oh, please.
Last time I saw you, you were on the dance floor with that Marine, and then, poof, you were gone.
Mm-hm.
He carried you out of the club like a wounded soldier.
My pussy's a wounded soldier.
Does she have a pussy pussy? I'm sorry.
I'm right here, girl, you can ask me.
- Ask her.
Say what you said to me.
- Shit.
May I be, uh What, girl, spit it out? Do you have a pussy? I mean, do you have - A pussy pussy.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
Which is why I don't understand why she's still hanging around tranny chasers.
I prefer trans amorous.
I like getting fucked.
- Yeah, okay.
- Well, here's to getting fucked.
- Here's to getting fucked.
- Yas, queen.
Yes, queen.
- Yas.
- Yas, queen.
- That's not quite - Yas, queen! Okay, let's not Can we not do that anymore now? She'll get there.
Uh, Jesus.
Hey, hey, hey, sweetie.
Isn't that your friend Tennessee over there? Why don't you just go ahead and run in with her? - Mom.
Mommy, walk me in.
- No, no, no, - I'm really late, and I got - Please? I got so much I have to do.
I'm sorry, sweetie.
Listen, um, don't forget it's Daddy's weekend, okay? - I'm gonna miss you like crazy.
- Okay.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
So, yeah, just look over all the papers, and then sign right there.
- Yep.
- Oh, okay.
- Hey, Barb.
- Hi, Sarah.
How's it goin'? - It's goin' all right.
- Yeah? Yeah.
What's all this? It's the Nitty Gritty Committee.
You know, trash pick up, make posters, sort e-waste, you know.
Whatever falls through the cracks.
It's perfect for parents that want to appear like they give a shit.
That's perfect for me.
Uh, no, you're not, uh There, no, this You can't be a part of my committee.
Uh, yeah, uh, okay, I get it.
I totally get that.
I just I thought I should sign up for something.
I mean, I don't know.
It's like everybody's doin' something, and Listen, I don't I don't know what what people know.
A lot of people know a lot of things.
- People gossip.
- Great.
Thanks.
- Yeah.
- Well, that feels better.
Um, I mean, you know, I don't have to do that.
We could just go get coffee or something if you want.
Coffee? No.
I'm not goin' to get coffee with you.
Look, I'm sorry if my boundary is your trigger.
I don't know what that means, but okay.
All right.
Bring it in.
The eagle has landed.
Um, let's go in there.
You'll be in my room.
- This way? Oh, cool.
- Yeah.
- This one? - Yeah.
Right to the left.
- Wow.
- So, look, the bedding is old.
I'm gonna get you some new bedding.
- No, that's fine.
- And the lamp's broken, but, uh, I saw a cool little lamp at the MOCA store.
And, uh, this, I I did get this for you ahead of time.
Leather scented candle.
Check it.
- Dang.
- Yeah.
That's awesome.
- Good? - Yeah, that's, um, that's great, man.
Thank you.
Hey, uh, this may sound dumb, but, um, you're cool with me calling you Dad? Yeah, I think so.
Do I need to think about that? I'm thinkin' about it.
The answer is yes.
- Okay.
- All right.
- You're sure? - Yeah, totally.
Do you want help unpacking? No, no, no.
Thank you so much.
- Okay.
- It's not much.
- Yeah, thank you.
- All right.
All right.
- Uh - All right, good.
- Want a hug? - Yeah.
All right.
All right.
Oh, dude, right here, right this spot under the stairwell, no-man's land, shit went down, dog.
- During school? - Feel that? Yeah, during school.
Oh, lucky number 11.
Here it is.
Oh.
See if I can remember.
That's that's my favorite number.
Fuck it.
No way.
Here we go! Come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
- You just broke that.
- I know.
So so, what, were you like a a player? Oh, I had my fun, but what about you? You're a good looking kid.
I bet you did all right.
I mean, I've I guess I've known a few girls in a Biblical sense.
- Really? - Four or five a least.
Wait, wait, wait wait.
Four or five different girls, or, like, four or five different times? Different girls.
Never told anybody that before.
- Well, let's go make you legal.
- Yeah.
What about Mr.
Slaughter? - Is he still here? - Nope.
Not here anymore.
Ooh, um, Mr.
Irons, head discipline dude.
No, long gone.
Now him I've heard of, heard the stories.
The dude was hard core.
He used to walk the halls with a paddle.
Crazy days.
Actual job title on his door, "Disciplinarian.
" Okay, so you're his legal guardian? Uh, no.
I am his biological father.
But, you know, we can get the legal guardians to sign this.
It's just, um, a little complicated, but he is living with me.
And you live in the district? Check.
Okey-dokey, Colton.
Welcome to the Pacific Palisades.
Thank you.
And would it be possible Could I get locker number 11? But it feels like nepotism.
It's not nepotism.
I just want to introduce you to a few of my connections.
I may not want to stay in L.
A.
for grad school.
There he is.
Hello, Carl.
Professor Pfefferman, look at you.
Thank you.
So good to see you.
You, too.
- May we sit? - Please.
- Thank you.
- Sit, sit.
- So - So, how are things? - How's Hobsy? - Oh, Hobsy's doin' fine.
You know what he's like.
He's gonna be here forever.
Yes, he is 'cause he's un-hirable.
Yeah, I thought you could take him with you.
He's on his third wife.
- He's got money.
- Oh, is that right? - Oh, absolutely.
- Oh, Leslie.
Leslie, this is the person I want you to meet.
- Ali Pfefferman.
- Hi.
- Leslie Mackinaw.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Ali.
Ali.
Pleasure.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Leslie, your name is so familiar.
Did I read you in undergrad? Is that right? Are you're a poet.
I am indeed.
Yeah.
Oh, you're great.
Thank you very much.
Yeah, I thought Leslie would be the perfect person for you to learn something about women's studies.
Oh, I'm afraid you'd have to go someplace else for that.
Woman is a dirty word around here.
I am a highly placed staff member in the newly named Gender Studies Department.
Right, of course.
And I know you.
That's right, we know each other right? Were you were we at Berkeley together? - Mm-hm.
- What? What is it? You edited "Perspective on Politics.
" - I did.
- Uh-huh.
- I did, for several years.
- Yeah.
Yes.
Did we publish you? I applied for the editorial board.
And you blocked me.
I block I didn't block.
I've never blocked anybody.
But I I mean, you You were one of the applicants or? Uh, yeah, and I applied every year for ten years.
Me and my sisters-in-arms and I applied, and applied, applied, and applied.
And you took only men.
Oh, and one chick who had these huge, huge tits that you you couldn't keep your eyes off of, if if I remember correctly.
Oh, my God, you were part of that group? Well, it's very nice of you to remember.
The Berkeley Seven.
We were the scourge of the administration.
We drove out a provost.
What is a provost? Exactly.
Leslie, I just want to say this, I don't stand behind what I what I did back then.
All right? Uh, and I profoundly apologize if that does If that does you any good.
I actually don't I don't remember much of it.
Well, why would you remember it? Here we go.
Here we go.
Fuck.
Okay, time out.
Hold on.
Time out.
I'll be right back.
That scared the shit out of me.
Did you let yourself in? - Yeah.
- Don't do that.
- I, um - Please don't do that.
I just forgot my yoga mat, - so I wanted to come by.
- Okay, well, it's like a fuckin' ghost.
That scared the shit out of me.
- Hey, guys.
- Mom.
- Hey.
- Mom, what are you doing here? It's not your day.
Yeah, I'm aware.
I just, um, forgot my yoga mat, so I thought I'd Mommy's here for a very quick visit.
Come by and pick it up.
- Hey, Barb.
- What's up? Seeing you again.
How's it goin'? Good, just hangin' out with the kids.
How's it goin'? How'd the Itty Bitty Titty Committee work out? It's not a titty committee.
It's, uh It's Nitty Gritty.
I was just kidding.
Hey, Barb, if you guys want to hang out, I'll tell Melanie to get some more grouper.
- Yeah.
I love fish.
- And some wine.
Your girlfriend's getting grouper.
Sounds like a party.
It's not a party, it's just dinner.
It's what people do, they get together and they eat grouper.
Grillin' grouper.
Enjoy each other's company.
Gonna go grill some grouper.
Cool.
I'm just gonna grab my yoga mat.
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, my God! Shortly after I transitioned, I met this guy.
I was at the Sprint store with my niece, my four-year-old niece, and he walks up to me and he asks me, "So, do you date?" And so I'm, like, well well, yeah, I date.
And then he asked me, "So, uh, how much do you charge?" "How much do you charge?" I mean, as a trans woman, I appreciate that you want me because I'm trans, I'm good with that.
It's the inappropriate, asking me things like, are you fully functional? Fucking rude.
I think these guys, a lot of them are closet cases.
They're internally homophobic or trans-phobic, and this is how they express it.
Some of them are able to go through transition themselves.
Others are stuck and they'll never get past it.
You know, you've been fairly quiet, what's going on in your mind right now? I met somebody today, uh I knew back in the day.
Uh, we were at Berkeley, and, um She was part of this radical feminist group, they were called the Berkeley Seven.
They burned effigies of us.
They thought that we were holding them back.
And we did.
We held them back.
That's the truth.
I mean I hurt people.
So I'm gonna FedEx the forms to his parents, get that all squared away.
Enrolled.
Bam! So easy.
He's so sweet.
I swear to God.
- Yeah, he is.
- You should have seen him.
The impression he made.
It was incredible.
I mean, I We haven't even talked about this, but I'm assuming that he's he's gonna just move down to that room in the basement, right? Like, midway through this year, because we're gonna need his room for - little peanut.
- Oh, yeah, I will kick his ass down to the basement.
That boy will heed me.
You heard? I bet he will.
I was reading this article about adopted kids, and it was just talking about how they're performing all the time, because they just want to be kept.
Um, yeah.
He's not doin' that.
- I mean, maybe he's not.
- My boy is white bread.
Hey.
What's goin' on? What's up? Is it too much? Yeah.
I got lists, Joshy.
You I know.
You know, all the time, just Mm-hm.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
Do you? Do you know now? I do.
- Do ya? - I do.
I do.
You know what's at the top of my list right now? What's that? Me going to temple.
I get to teach a class who, every week, - watch my belly grow - Oh.
And then just glance up at this naked finger.
- That's all.
- Say no more.
Okay.
You can check that shit off your list right now.
I'm serious.
Hey.
Good night, Josh.
I got this.
- It was really crazy.
- What? You know.
All right, I got it.
You get one of those, like, skywriters, and say, "Marry me, baby.
" - Yeah.
- What about a Saint Bernard? Around its collar you can put, like, a a big yellow diamond on it.
- A yellow diamond? - A yellow one.
- On a Saint Bernard? - It's different.
You could do, uh, a scavenger hunt - with a map and clues.
- Yeah, if she was 13.
Is that how we're gonna do it? I feel like Colton would know how to get the job done right.
Wouldn't you, cutie pie? Uh, no, no.
Well, I mean, yeah, but, uh I don't know, it'd probably be something like a I don't know, a horse and carriage or something stupid.
Oh, my God, I literally love If you asked me like that, I would say yes.
You gotta get that ring first, though, right? My God.
Design it, order it, all that shit.
Right? Josh, I got I got your diamond guy, no problem.
My cousin Esther Lee's married to Leonard Reefman.
He's downtown.
- Oh, for real? - Yeah, no, for real.
He's works with those little old the little old men with the peering in the thing with the Circumcise the diamonds for you.
The diamond mohels.
That is what I need, a diamond mohel.
Honestly, he's unbelievable.
Wait, wait.
Hold on.
Hold on a second.
Hold on.
This part right here.
I don't hate this.
So, what are you gonna do, Joshy? Oh, my God, I think Josh has a proposal idea.
- What? - Why aren't you telling us? Do you know? What are you gonna do, dude? You better tell us right now.
- No.
- Look at his face.
- No.
- Tell us.
You're being so lame.
Jumbotron.
Jumbotron, Clippers game.
Shit, yes, I have read her stuff.
I knew it.
In college.
Fuck, I'm so pissed at myself for having a drunken, date rape-y freshman year.
Okay, "Leslie Mackinaw, an American poet and critic "who has published more than 40 volumes of fiction, poetry" and looky here, even one libretto.
Look at these bowling guns.
- Nice.
- Boom.
Hey, you guys.
Have you guys heard of Leslie Mackinaw? Yes, I'm a lesbian, of course I have.
Yeah, I had a girlfriend who named her cat after Leslie Mackinaw.
- No.
- So did I.
Oh, my God.
Is that perhaps the same ex girlfriend? Yeah, she would, like, basically be Jack Kerouac or Allen Ginsberg if we didn't grow up in a patriarchy.
If we didn't grow up in a patriarchy? If we did not grow up in a patriarchy.
I mean, I think she lives in Oakland, or some other northern lesbianish No, no.
She's at UCLA, 'cause Ali might go there for grad school.
- Holy fuck.
- Interesting.
Holy fuck, you guys, this poem! "I always put my pussy in the middle of trees, "Like a waterfall, "Like a doorway to God, like a flock of birds.
" "I always put my lover's cunt on the crest of a wave.
" "Like a flag that I can pledge my allegiance to.
" "This is my country.
"Here, when we're alone in public.
"My lover's pussy is a badge, is a nightstick, "Is a helmet, is a deer's face, "Is a handful of flowers.
" "Is a waterfall.
" "Is a river of blood.
" "Is a bible.
" "Is a hurricane.
" "Is a soothsayer.
" Pfefferman.
You got a hall pass? You know Somebody walkin' down the hallway without a hall pass Just askin' for trouble.
Walk into my office.
That's right.
Such a bad girl.
You know what happens to girls Who forget their hall pass, don't you? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, such a bad girl.
Aren't you, Sarah? Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's it.
Such a bad girl.
Yeah.
Come for me.
Hey, babe.
Hi.
Hi.
Come here.
Uh, yeah.
Whoa.
What is goin' on? Okay.
- What wait.
- Shh.
- No, no.
No.
- Shh.
Wait, whoa, wh Oh.
If what I think's about to happen is about to happen Shh.
Shh.
- I don't want to - Josh Pfefferman.
- No.
No, no, no, no - Joshua.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, please.
- We've been through so much - Please, stand up, stand up.
- Stand up.
Please stand up.
- Shh.
- I've rehearsed this, let me just - You have to get up.
- No, no, no, no, no! - Get through this.
You don't trust me.
Why didn't you trust me? I had this.
I told you I had Oh, my God.
I'm s I'm so sorry, I just wanted to get it out of your List, but I I, uh Horrible call.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Just let me have a little Okay.
All right.
Tell me what you like.
And what you don't like.
And where you like to be touched.
And how you like to be touched.
What turns you on.
Can we just do this? Now? Next time I'll tell you everything.