Turbo FAST (2013) s02e03 Episode Script

1 - Whoa! - Woo! Those snails are fast - Turbo - F-A-S-T That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - Those snails are fast - Turbo - Those snails are fast - Whoa! - Those snails are fast - Whoa! Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast - Turbo - Woo! Congrats to you, new heroic cereal box athlete, who could be me someday.
- Good morning, brother.
- Morning, Chet.
So, good news.
Your favorite agent, that's me, has booked you for another personal appearance gig.
Chet, remember the last gig you got me? - Judging the beauty pageant? - I didn't judge.
They judged me! Granted, but this gig is much better.
And it's one step closer to your picture on a Sweaties box.
Well, that's different.
What am I doing? Opening a fancy supermarket.
It's tomorrow morning, 5:00 a.
m.
sharp.
Isn't that kind of early for a ribbon-cutting? What ribbon-cutting? Thanks for covering the opening shift, Turbo.
Oh, someone yorked in the ladies' room.
Get on that, would ya? Stop mocking me! The cereal giving you a hard time, champ? Ace Gecko? What do you want? It's not what I want, it's what I can give you! You're an agent now? I've gone legit.
For reals, this time.
I book animals for endorsements, TV, you name it! You know that water-skiing hamster? He's with me.
Right.
Hey, don't believe me? Let me prove it.
Over brunch.
I wanna help you, Turbo.
You're an Indy 500 champ, who's working the morning shift at a supermarket when you should own a supermarket.
Check, please.
We need to boost your celebrity profile! I'm gonna make you famous! Pretty sure I'm already famous.
Uh, yeah, you're C-list at best, kid.
And what you want to be is A-list, cream of the crop, life in the fast lane, king of the world, etcetera, etcetera.
"A" does sound better than "C.
" And A-list is the cereal box list.
Maybe I could talk to Chet.
Absolutely not! But, Chet, I could be A-list.
Did I show you the cereal box? Twice.
All I'm saying is that maybe you could use some help as my agent.
Maybe so, but from Ace Gecko? Forget it! Excuse me, if I could interject.
- All I'm proposing - Don't touch me.
is a partnership.
But hey, if you don't care about your brother.
Hey! I do care about my brother.
- So Turbo shouldn't work with me? - Exactly.
Because you don't trust me to help him? I don't trust you period! No, wait.
Exclamation point! So you'd probably wanna keep an eye on me if I was his agent.
Not a bad idea! - Because you care about him.
- Right.
Then I'll see you at my office first thing tomorrow, partner! I'll be there! What just happened? Why'd you talk me into this? - You - Turbo, you made it.
What can I get you, slugger? I've got bottled water, bubbly water, tap water, tap water with lemon, and lemon with tap water.
Uh I'm fine, thanks.
Chet, get that, would you? I'm not the doorman.
Turbo! Turbo, over here! Meet your paparazzi.
They're gonna follow you around and make sure you're "seen.
" Seen? Can't people see me already? You've got a lot to learn about fame, Boobala.
Follow me.
Uh, close the door, would you, Chet? My eyes! So right now, you're down here, on the Chet list.
I-I mean, C-list.
And you wanna be up here, on the Ace list.
I mean, A-list.
Okay, so how do we do that? Well, the only thing folks like better than one celebrity is two celebrities.
Bramber? - Turbo, meet Bramber.
- Yeah, hi.
Whatever.
Bramber? Didn't I see you in that commercial for the thing with the stuff? Yeah.
Flutters Fabric Softener.
It's kind of a big deal.
Bramber's up for a gig as a balloon animal clown.
I want to be taken seriously as an actress.
You're famous, she's famous, so I figure you two "date" for a while.
Get everyone excited.
Buzz, buzz, buzz.
And you'll be halfway to the B-list.
Not bad, eh? And how does all this get Turbo onto a cereal box? Oh, trust me.
Turbo's a celebrity.
He just has to do what celebrities do.
Yeah! Wait.
What do celebrities do? Hey! Ooh.
Shhh! Yeah! And up next, we pull back the curtain on the whirlwind romance between racing champ, Turbo, and the fabric-softener starlet, Bramber! And is Turbo's ex-girlfriend jealous? We hope so! - Morning, Chet.
- Oh, you remembered my name.
How nice.
Now excuse me.
I need to order Ace's third lunch for the day! Would you cheer up? I'm almost on the A-list.
Now I can be on a Sweaties box! This whole Ace thing is actually working out.
Is this your idea of working out?! Uh, hang on.
Internet's being weird.
- Hit refresh.
- I did! Okay, there.
Is this your idea of working out?! Wha? Speeding the wrong way down the freeway, Turbo? - Are you insane? - Chet, I didn't do that.
- It's gotta be a mistake.
- Mr.
Turbo, please give us a quote! Mr.
Turbo, our sources say that was you who egged city hall last night.
Mr.
Turbo! Turbo, come on! You gotta give us something here! Is it true you're terrible and no one likes you? Ace! Turbo! Snickerdoodle! How's my favorite client? Speeding on the freeway and egging city hall, apparently.
Oh, yeah.
Ha.
I may have leaked a few stories to the press.
What? But I didn't do that stuff! Oh, yeah, I know.
You're too goody-goody for any of that.
So I hired a stand-in.
Hey, Turbo! Ace told me I could help you out by dressing up like you and doing all sorts of morally questionable stuff.
And he gave me a nickel.
- Go home, Deuce.
- Okay! Snookums, let me explain.
Celebrities are like balloons.
You blow them way up and then you pop them.
I'm gonna secretly ruin your career until you hit rock bottom.
Then we'll have a tearful apology, a reality show, a tell-all book, and voila, you're the comeback kid! I'll make a fortune, and you'll get your mug on that juice box or whatever.
Hey, where'd you go? You can thank me later! Chet! Ace is trying to ruin my career! You were right! I should've trusted you! Please forgive me! - Oh, so now you want my help.
- Uh-huh.
- And I was right about Ace? - Yeah.
Grovel a bit more.
Oh, oh, Chet.
Oh, wise and merciful Chet.
Please, if you take me back, I promise I'll never doubt you again.
Okay, I think I can fix this.
Just do whatever Ace wants for now and I'll take care of everything.
Let's move it, Angel Face.
We've gotta go fake your big celebrity break-up.
Bramber's waiting.
Hey, Deuce? Turbo, Bramber's gonna toss a drink in your face, and you throw your food at that old lady over there.
Yeah, I'm not doing any of that.
- Turbo, it's Chet! - Deuce? What about Chet? He's trapped inside a building that's about to be demolished! - What? - Ooh, that's perfect! I can see it now: "Racing Snail Refuses to Save Brother.
" You'll be despised! Are you crazy? I'm not letting my brother get crushed.
Well, it's your choice, Turbo.
Your brother or your face on a Sweaties box.
Wow! Didn't see that coming.
Why do we keep eating here? Chet? Chet! Turbo! Over here! Oh, brother, you came! Of course I did.
Why'd you run in here in the first place? For you.
I figured you could save me and fix your reputation, but now I'm seriously rethinking the idea.
Wait.
My brother, Mr.
Safety himself, ran into a collapsing building for me? - Just get me out of here! - Oh, right.
Thanks, brother.
I'm glad you're safe, but how is that really gonna fix anything? - Turbo! Turbo! - Turbo, we love you! Turbo! Is it true that you're a wonderful guy and people really like you? I may have pulled some strings earlier.
Wow! Thanks, Chet.
Turbo! You're alive! And you saved your brother uh, ex-girlfriend or whatever.
Ooh, wait a sec! Brilliant new idea.
"Turbo, the Snail with the Heart of Gold.
" Here's an idea, Ace.
You're fired.
Wait, you You can't fire me.
I quit.
I'm good either way.
Fine, I'll get rich ruining these losers careers, and you can just forget about your precious Sweaties box.
Excuse me, Mr.
Turbo, but I'm S.
B.
Sweaty VII, president of Sweaties Cereal.
I saw what you did just now, and I think you're just the kind of heroic athlete that belongs on our cereal boxes.
Come to my office tomorrow for a photo shoot.
Goodbye! Whoo-hoo! - Okay, I pulled a lot of strings.
- I don't believe it.
I don't believe it.
Do you believe it? I don't believe anything you say anymore.
That balloon animal boot camp was for nothing.
I don't even like water-skiing.
I wanted to be in the theater.
I never should've doubted you.
I may be timid, paranoid, gullible, and a bad manager Stop nodding.
But I would do anything to help my brother.
Even run into a building that's about to be destroyed.
That means a lot.
However, if you want me to continue as your agent, I think I'm gonna need additional hazard pay.
Anything, Chet.
You name it.
- Grovel.
- Wait.
You're serious? I kinda liked it.
Please accept this grovel oh, handsomer and cleverer than his brother.
When's the dang pool gonna open, already? So hot.
That's it, sun! I challenge you to a staring contest! This was a huge mistake! Who wants breakfast? Mmm, that bacon smells good.
Wait.
I'm not cooking bacon! Hot! Hot! Hot! Belly flop! Why is our pool empty? I'm looking at you, sun.
Not again! I hear there's a hotel down on Sepulveda that's got a pool.
You mean the one on the border of Sherman Oaks? Forget that place.
It's probably crawling with snooty slugs.
Hey, a pool's a pool, and I gots to stay cool.
Well, I'd rather swim in garbage.
Oh! Someone might've thrown an ice-cold soda in the garbage.
Let's go! It does exist.
What's cooler than being cool? Ice cold.
All right, all right, all right.
Oh, yeah.
It don't get any better than this.
Whoa! I have seen a snow angel.
You've got some nice moves.
That's why they call me Smoove M Clearly.
My name's Tiffany.
Me and my friends have been coming here since the heat wave hit.
Well, then, maybe you can show me the slopes, girl.
Sure if you can keep up.
What a run! Oh, I am burning up.
Yeah.
Hey, Tiffany.
I hope this isn't too early to say, but You're a slug! Yeah? So? So? I thought all you slugs were bratty, spoiled princesses who eat caviar morning, noon, and night.
Oh, please.
Caviar is strictly a breakfast food.
And it's not like you snails are any better.
I hear you're a bunch of dumpster-diving race junkies, who only wear shells to keep in your farts.
Hey, that's not why we wear shells.
It's just an added benefit.
Hmm, well, it sounds like there's a lot we don't know about each other.
Then maybe we should change that.
You wanna meet up tonight? I'd love to.
Oh, but there's a problem.
- I've got a boyfriend.
- Oh.
He's the quarterback of the ski team, and he'd go crazy if he caught me talking to a snail.
Tiffany! Oh, there you are, Ritchie.
I'm tired of skiing.
Let's go back to the lodge.
Sure.
Let's go.
Oh.
Hmm Feels like a cape day.
Hey, Shadow, I need some advice.
And since you are literally the only snail I can find, I thought I'd come to you.
That means a lot.
Lay it on me, buddy.
I got this friend and he's fallen hard for a girl he could never be with.
A tale as old as time.
I believe it was the poet William Thackeray who once said, "To love foolishly is better than to not love at all.
" Wow.
That's deep.
Uh, so what if my friend is in love with a slug? Oh, good one, Smoove! A snail dating a slug.
"Look at me! I'm eating caviar morning, noon, and night!" Okay, first question.
- Would I find this object in my kitchen? - Uh-huh.
And would I also find this object in my bathroom? - Yeah.
- Well, then, it must be a big pile of money! Yeah! Fantastic.
Psst.
Tiffany.
Smoove! What are you doing here? I had to see you again, girl.
Uh, well, get in here.
Quick.
We've gotta hide that shell.
Hey, Tiff.
Who's this guy? Oh.
He's my, uh cousin from out of town.
His name is Smoovington Moovington.
The third.
Clutch name.
Grab some popcorn, Smoovington.
We're playing charades.
I'm tired of 20 Questions.
Okay, this is an easy one.
Who am I? Duh? Oh, I know.
You're a lowly snail.
Bingo! I'm tired of charades.
Let's go ride snowmobiles.
Oh, fantastic.
Now, since I like to ride alone, and I don't want anyone getting near my girl Tiff, why don't you ride with your cousin? Hold on tight.
Jackknife! Sweet jackknifing, Ritchie.
Let's do it again! Nah, I'm tired of snowmobiling.
- Totally.
- Yeah, me too.
Maybe we should all head back to the lodge and warm up by the fire.
No way.
The night is still young.
Hey, I know.
Let's pull some pranks.
- Yeah! Fantastic! - Pranks are spectacular.
Oh, come on, Ritchie.
Not tonight.
No, that's cool.
Me and my homies pull pranks all the time back at Tur menistan uh, where I am from.
Huh.
You're from the Presidential Republic of Turkmenistan? Yeah.
Oh, then you must know Prince Yuri Slugopova.
Oh, yeah.
Totally.
He says hi.
Classic Yuri.
Always saying hi.
Now let's get pranking.
Check it out, Smoovington.
This is where we pull all our sweet pranks.
Turbotown? Yeah.
Last week, we drained their swimming pool on the hottest day of the year.
Tonight, we're gonna mess with that crazy snail.
Attention, Earth snail! Great Bigfoot's ghost! It's a real alien pie tin! I surrender unconditionally to your superior baking skills.
Terrific.
Now, to prove your loyalty, you must, um eat all the garbage in Turbotown.
Done and done! Come on, Ritchie.
This isn't funny.
Yes, it is.
I made that snail eat garbage.
Hey, look.
It's the big dumb one.
Watch this.
Oof! Oh, no! It's raining fruit again! All right, Smoovington, you're up.
Nail that big, dumb snail.
If you're one of us, you'll do it.
No.
Enough is enough.
That big, dumb snail is my big, dumb, friend.
Wait.
You're friends with a lowly snail? I am a lowly snail.
And we're not lowly.
We're just as good as you slugs.
I was only putting up with this for Tiffany.
She deserves better than a jerk like you.
All right, Smoovington Moovington, if that is your real name.
Of course it's not! If you really think snails are just as good as slugs, then let's see you prove it on the slopes.
Ooh.
Uh, how is that gonna prove anything? The best skier is the best.
Duh.
Whatever.
You're on.
I see you can't even afford a second ski.
It's called snowboarding.
Better to slice down the ice.
You dig? Dig? Absolutely not.
I don't do manual labor.
Oh, and good luck winning with an untied ski boot.
Ski boot? I don't wear Oh, come on.
Jackknife! These thumbtacks ought to keep him at a snail's pace.
Smoovin' and groovin', baby.
That snail is having a ball in the snow.
Let's see if he likes being a ball of snow.
I'm so clutch.
What? No way! You did it, Smoove! Thanks guy I've never seen before.
Oh, Smoove! I'm so proud of you.
Guess the mountain's yours.
Let's go, guys.
I'm tired of skiing anyway.
Hold up.
There's something I gotta say.
Snails and slugs have been enemies for too long! And over what? Breakfast caviar? Shell farts? Blatantly stealing someone's girlfriend? How about we finally put our differences aside and share this glorious mountain? Smoove, I don't care if you aren't rich or the quarterback of anything.
I'm just glad we can finally be together.
Baby, we're gonna ski these slopes forever.
Ew.
This thing is crawling with slugs.
- Well, it was nice while it lasted.
- Yup! See ya! Whew!