Up All Night (2011) s02e03 Episode Script

- Ramona and her pinot.
- [Chuckles.]
How long before she mentions her skin care line? God, I hate her.
She does have really nice skin, though.
Yeah, she looks good.
[Overlapping chatter.]
What's happening, honey? Where's TV? - Calm down.
- What's going on? I'll check this bad boy out.
Just reboot it, honey.
All right, give me a second.
Just try just reboot it.
You have to reboot it.
Babe, you're saying words that don't mean anything.
Try blowing on it.
You know, like you used to do with Nintendo cartridges.
Just do it.
That doesn't work, babe.
Why is it that we have so many remotes? I mean, what when did we have a laserdisc player? All right, well, TV's out, so now what are we gonna do? I guess we can try and eat without TV.
[Chuckles.]
Yeah, like animals.
No, honey, at our dining room table.
I think there's room, right? Mm.
[Chuckles.]
- This is nice, right? - I know.
We should to this every Sometimes.
Yeah.
[Buzz.]
[On tv.]
I really feel it's my responsibility, before I get those airline tickets - We should probably - Probably turn it off.
- Huh? - Right huh? - What were you gonna say? - Just no, definitely, turn it off.
Turn it off.
[Sighs.]
[TV chatter stops.]
[Both chuckle.]
- So.
- So.
[Upbeat music.]
[sighs.]
- Great champagne, Ava.
- Yeah.
Probably gonna need some food at some point to sop it up if I keep drinking.
Yes, when is the food happening? Food? No, this is a champagne brunch.
Does she know what a champagne - We'll get lunch after.
- Okay.
- Cool champagne mug.
- Mm.
Isn't it? This old gal and I have been through a lot together.
I was drinking out of it when I found out the Ava show got picked up, and I was crying into her when I found out the Ava show got cancelled.
Yeah, this vessel has held many a precious fluid.
To precious fluids.
Yeah, I just need food.
So Scott, you and I haven't shared a meal together since - Still haven't.
- Since your wedding.
How's that going? How's the old ball and chain? Oh, me and Connie? Pretty good Since the divorce.
Yeah.
I have been in such a fog since the Ava show got cancelled.
I just look at me, I don't know where to put all my stuff from the show.
You want me to help you move these boxes? That'd be great.
Yeah, you can just throw 'em in the old spare room.
Reagan, your brother is a bearded angel.
You know what, Scott? I'll give you a hand here.
Don't you ladies go making any food while we're gone.
Honey, drop it.
[Laughter.]
- You're doing okay, right? - Yeah.
How are you? How's Chris? Good, good.
Being home all the time has been It's been You know You know those couples at the waffle house who just sit there in silence, reading thepennysavers, chawing on bacon, just waiting to die? Yeah, that's why I always get my waffles to go.
I think that Chris and I are becoming them.
Seriously.
Last night, we tried to do, like, a TV-free dinner.
It was brutal.
We had literally nothing to talk about.
- Reagan Darnell Brinkley.
- Darnell's not my middle name.
Have you already lost your producerial skills? All you have to do is take one of those little, blue index card thingies and fill it out with questions and conversation starters, like you did for me on the show.
Oh, yeah.
You're right, I could do that.
I can just prep a little conversational kindling, so to speak.
Darn, you are brilliant when you're day drunk.
That is how I won celebrity jeopardy.
I don't remember that.
Oh, Reagan, you gotta see this.
Oh, wow.
Ava, what are we looking at here? - Everything.
- This is my crafting room.
Well, it started out as my crafting room, but then I realized crafting blows, so I decided to store, you know, old suitcases, old blow-dryers, things like that in here.
You know, it's just a Room full of keep 'ems.
- Mama? - Amy? - Amy? Oh, my God, where's Amy? - Uh, she's right over there - by.
- Oh, okay.
Health and beauty aids, I guess.
Hi, baby.
Okay, put that down.
Okay, sweetie, listen to me.
I know that you love to hold onto things, but your show stuff's not even gonna fit in here, so I think you need to get rid of some of this junk.
- This stuff is not junk.
- Hey, Scott.
Careful, you're gonna be crushed by a tower of allure magazines.
Okay, fun-pokers, we get it.
You know what, though? Every single solitary thing in this room is vitally important to my life.
Like this rainstick, probably.
[Prolonged rain sound.]
Well, let's hope I put my windows up on my car.
How about we just We start off small, and maybe we'll just get rid of one of these two yoga balls? Oh, no, no.
No, no, no.
- You see because - Just let the air out too.
This is the yoga ball I was sitting on when I found out Selena was killed.
Look at this.
Probably use these a lot, right? Oh, there those things are! - You don't even know its name.
- You know what? Just put 'em on the end of the Of the thing.
- Ok oh! - Ava, why don't you let me help you sell some of this stuff on craigslist? I mean, not to brag, craigslist is kind of my jam.
Yeah, not sure that counts as a brag, Scott.
Sweetie, seriously, you look like you look like cat in the hat right now.
So the election.
- Mm.
Mm-hmm.
- Right? It's here, and I was thinking, the electoral college, it's like, is it fair or is it not fair? I know, it's just not representative Yeah, it's not It doesn't - I tend to think that - [Clears throat.]
Reagan? - It's an archaic way of doing - Hey.
- Yes? - What are you looking at? I'm not looking at anything.
- What? - Let me see it.
I "Preschool.
Should we get a bulletin board?" Should we, though? You prepped for our dinner conversation? I had to, okay? We were turning into the waffle house death couple.
Without the television, we have nothing to say to each other.
Babe, stop making this a bigger deal than it is.
Dinner without the TV is good in theory, but in reality, not so much, kind of like communism.
It's like when I was a kid and the ice cream man moved in across the street from us.
Wait a minute, you lived across the street - from the ice cream man? - Yeah.
That's like living across the street from Willy Wonka.
No, it was the opposite, because he was sad and divorced, and his kids were embarrassed by him - Oh.
- And they called him - by his first name, Ron.
- Ugh.
We caught him sleeping in that truck a bunch of times.
- Oh, so sad, ice cream man.
- Yeah.
What was the name of the one that had the cookies as the buns with the ice cream meat? - The "brrr-ger!" - The "brrr-ger!" - Oh, my God, I love those! - Yeah.
How did I not know that you lived across the street - from the ice cream man? - I don't know.
Give me some more of that, please.
Of course, I'm not gonna drink alone.
- Who am I, Ron? - [Laughing.]
Oh, God, no! You wanted to join the circus? Yes, but not just any circus, circus of the stars.
Oh, honey, I wanted to be Pam Dawber so bad.
- [Laughing.]
Oh.
- In fact, one summer during High School, I signed up for trapeze lessons, which I couldn't go, 'cause I ended up getting mono from kissing Tony Moschellis.
See, babe, we're still exciting.
- I know.
- We still have so many - mysteries to unravel, right? - Yeah.
Yeah.
We are not that dead waffle house couple.
No, we are that That young, drunk couple who get dragged out of the waffle house for being too loud and too sexy.
Do you want to continue this great conversation in the bedroom? I would.
[Giggles.]
Or, honey, how about we continue it in God's bedroom? Huh? What do you think? Babe, I am totally into this, but where are we gonna actually - [Laughs.]
- Oh, whoa all right.
Well, someone's given this some thought, yeah? Maybe.
Oh.
[Laughs.]
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
- [Door opening.]
- Wait.
- Don't lose focus.
- Okay.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
[Both moaning.]
It's not out here.
Shh, shh, shh! Wait, wait, it's gene and Terry.
- Yeah, it is.
[Laughs.]
- [Laughs.]
I'm sorry, I just feel like they can see us maybe - Mmm.
Mmm.
- Yeah.
Mmm.
Did you look on the side of the house? Babe, wait, I'm sorry, I just feel like we're gonna get caught.
I know, it's so hot.
Okay, well, that's weird.
[Chuckles.]
[Chuckles.]
I wasn't I wasn't trying to be weird.
No, no, no, I No, I just I didn't mean Yup, it's here by the spigot.
Jeez, if this were Canada, they'd call me a real hoser.
[Laughter.]
[Groans.]
Oh, my God.
we said "firm" in the ad, and eight bucks is what we expect to get.
Would you take $3? - That sounds good.
- Whoa! Whoa, hey! No, I'm sorry, that ball is worth way more than that.
In fact, I have another offer on the phone right now.
If you'll excuse me.
Yes? Ten bucks.
Then it's yours.
Unless, of course, devastatingly beautiful over here wants it.
What's it gonna be, pony tail? Thank you! Enjoy your ball, young lady.
I'll take that.
Yes.
Whoo! That felt good.
Yeah, it was like, uh, lightening the load.
I just wish there was a way to sell a bunch of stuff to a bunch of people all at the same time.
Oh, we could open up a marshalls.
Or we could have a garage sale.
[Snaps fingers.]
Even better.
[Coughs.]
Hey, babe, uh, remember the whole outdoor thing last night? - I do.
- Yeah, that was my bad.
Yes, it was your bad.
That was your very, very bad.
I'm driving towards something here.
I want us to be adventurous as a couple, and I don't want to hold us back, and that's why this saturday, you and I are gonna do this.
We're going to war-torn Syria? No, what? Oh, sorry, wrong window.
- So sad, what happening there.
- So sad.
You know what's not sad Trapeze lessons.
Oh, my God.
We're we're doing this? I signed us up online.
[Gasps.]
Honey! You, me, and a commemorative DVD.
Oh! Oh, we are the coolest couple ever! - Hey, we are.
Ah.
- Oh! Oh, your ring's really getting me.
- It's kind of - I'm so oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Pleasure doing business with you.
God, it feels good to get rid of this crap.
All sales are final.
Keep moving.
Keep moving.
Feels good to start fresh.
- You know? - To clean house.
- Double meaning.
- Yeah, double meaning.
Yeah.
I'm I'm sorry.
[Laughing.]
Oh, wow! I'm a big fan.
Oh, my God! Linda bergson-Harper is my Is my name.
Uh, I work at valley copy on ventura.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
I was just was on my lunch break, saw this garage sale and said, "what the heck," and stopped in and who is here but Ava Alexander! I spent every afternoon at 4:00 with you, Ava.
And I spent every afternoon at 4:00 with you, Linda.
Oh, my God.
[Both laugh.]
Oh, your show means so much to me.
I was I was heartbroken it was cancelled.
Yeah, well, you know, it's it's tough.
Uh, still stings a little bit, um, but you know, you just have to make the choice to move forward.
You know, you can't dwell in the past.
- Let go and let goddess.
- Yeah, exactly.
- Learned that from you, Ava.
- [Laughs.]
- Ah, did I say that? - [Laughs.]
Wow.
You know what? I have a couple more boxes of stuff inside.
Wait right here.
Be right back.
Here, check out all these one-of-a-kind Ava show tchotchkes.
[Gasps.]
Just take 'em.
Take 'em.
Getting rid of stuff.
Getting rid of it! You're giving that stuff away, Ava? Cleaning house, just like you said.
[Gasps.]
Oh, can I interest you in a Ava show director's chair cover? Can I interest you in my eternal happiness? You can.
[Laughs.]
Here.
Here's the mug I was drinking out of when I found out the Ava show got picked up.
- Really? - Anything for my biggest fan.
Oh, still a little more coffee.
Oh.
Thank you.
- Enjoy it.
- Wow.
Oh, my God! Thank you, Linda.
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God.
- Whoa! - [Laughs.]
Yes.
Howdy, we are here to get high.
I'm referring to the trapeze, not drugs.
I just need you folks to sign this release.
Covers us in case of equipment failure, - accidental death - Accidental what? Or dismemberment.
All that fun stuff.
[Laughs.]
I laugh in the face of death.
Ha ha.
- Uh - Or "possible paralysis.
" [Laughing.]
Whatever.
I don't I don't laugh at death.
Uh, uh, gettin' my trapeze on - [laughs.]
I-I'm so sorry - Get my trapeze on just with regards to paragraph four, what exactly qualifies as "net trauma?" get my trapeze on - Babe, I - Bring it around you can drink champagne out of anything.
Shoes, planters, Tequila bottles.
- But - I am moving forward, not back.
Ava, I need to tell you a story.
- Okay.
- When my marriage ended, I had tons and tons of meaningless sex.
- What's happening? - A ridiculous amount of ladies.
Tall ones, mean ones, regular ones You know what? This is a beautiful story.
Maybe you should save it for your grandbabies.
Then one night, when I was about to close a deal on a medium-sized one from Phoenix W-wow, it's still going.
It hit me.
I was only doing this to forget about Connie, but that wasn't right.
Just because my marriage ended badly didn't mean that I should just throw it all away, 'cause there were some good memories in there, and I think you just gave one of yours away.
It's just so painful.
But someday, it won't be.
We gotta get that mug back.
So Linda, um, long story short, uh, that mug represents the very beginnings of the Ava show, and even though the show's cancelled, my memories of the good times were not, so I'd kinda love to get it back.
But you kind of gave it to me? But kinda regretting that now.
I already drank two teas and a cup of noodles out of it, so it kinda feels like mine now.
- You're a bad fan, Linda.
- Hey.
Please, please.
Linda, as my new friend - Yeah? - Can you please just do me this solid? Ooh.
[Exhales.]
I'm sorry, Ava.
Yeah, I get it.
- Gimme that mug! - [Gasps.]
All right, brinkleys are up next.
Come on, baby, let's go! Let's do this! I'm coming! - Love it.
- Whoo-hoo! - Me too! - [Grunts.]
You ready to make some circus of the stars- style magic, baby? - Y ohh.
- Okay.
- On my "hep" - Okay.
Reagan's gonna jump onto swing "a.
" - Swing "a!" - Ready - Read-ay! - Set Say-at! [Laughs.]
Hep! Hep! O-okay, everyone, we'll try it again.
- Whoo! - We'll try it again.
- Ready.
- Read-ay! - Set! - Se okay, let's go over the jump just one more time.
Sweet Mariah, she will not put that mug down.
What is she doing now, froggin' popcorn out of it? Here's what we do: You go back in, and she'll be all like, "oh, you're back," and you'll say, "oh, no, I don't care about the mug.
I'm actually here for some printing services.
" That's when I go in and cause my disturbance.
Not sure what.
I got my eye on that rack of greeting cards.
All of a sudden, boom, that thing goes down.
In the resulting commotion, you grab the mug from Connie I mean, Linda whatever And haul ass out! They might've wrestled me to the ground by then, but you just keep moving.
[Exhales sharply.]
Let's go.
You know what? She can keep the mug.
What the No, that's yours.
There's a whole plan in motion.
She needs it more than I do.
I can find a new favorite mug, with new, great memories.
In fact, it looks like this place personalizes all kinds of stuff.
I'm loving this, babe! This is whoo.
- I'm so glad we did this.
- Me too! - This is great, huh? - Whoo! Is that Ivan, um, he's really strong, right? - Oh, yeah.
- Just, 'cause here's the thing, I moisturize, so my forearms might be a little bit smoother than what he's used to catching, so I want to make sure, you know, he can really - Get a good grip on that.
- Hey hey, Dan, uh, why don't we get Chris into position first? - [Low.]
Chris first? - Okay.
Gentlemen first! [Laughs.]
Okay! Okay, Chris, you're gonna grab the bar.
You do it first, babe, 'cause I'm gonna probably do a lot more tricks.
Great, great.
- Good.
- Okay, got it? - Yeah, both hands.
- Both the hands, yes.
- Okay? - Okay, here we go.
- Ready set - [Exhales.]
Hup! - Push me.
- What? Yeah, I'm frozen stiff.
My wife really wants me to do this, and I don't want to look like a total ween in front of her, so you're gonna have to push me off this platform, damn it! Why are we doing this? This is crazy.
Honey! Honey, why are we doing this? 'Cause we love the thrill? I don't want to do this, Chris! I don't want to do this, either! I hate this! - Okay.
- I hate every part of this! Grab that thing.
Really, I'm not gonna do this.
- I'm not gonna do oh.
Oh! - Okay, okay, okay, back off.
Let's just get down, okay? I honey, I was wrong to think that this was us.
It's not.
We stink.
No, no, no.
No, no.
No, Reagan.
No, this is us.
We are adventurous and exciting.
- We do not stink.
- [Low.]
We do.
We do not stink! Give me that bar, Dan.
- Oh! - Okay.
- Oh, hey! Honey! Honey! - [Grunting.]
Swing up your legs and drop your hands, Chris! Not gonna happen, Dan! Oh, why'd that [Bleep.]
TV have to go out? This is my new favorite mug.
- It's a good one.
- Yeah.
A mug on a mug, look.
We need some champagne to christen this bad boy.
[Laughs.]
[Grunts.]
If I could just get my My legs Just gotta get my legs up.
Just fall, Chris, let go! [Grunts.]
No, no, Reagan, we can do this! - No, we can't! - [Grunts.]
We! No, no, no, baby, just fall.
- Are you sure? - Absolute Oh! [Grunts.]
Honey, are you okay? I'm alive.
[Laughs.]
I made it, I'm alive! I want down, Glen.
I want down, you stupid Glen! Oh, honey.
[Groans.]
That was the worst.
No, you know what? You think that the waffle house couple would have done this? No way, something new? Something scary? Nah.
No, we're trying, that's all that matters.
Yeah.
I guess so, right? I guess that is pretty badass, what we just did.
- Very.
- [Laughing.]
Yeah.
Oh, my God, we got the commemorative DVD package.
That entire experience was just documented.
- [Laughs.]
- Good thing our TV's broken.
[Both laugh.]
- I love you, babe.
- I love you too.
Mm.
Hey, brinkleys! - We know! Yeah, we're get - We know, we're getting off! Oh, baby, you are a magician.
Don't stop doing that.
Little to the left.
Yes, yes, that's it, that's right there.
Just how I like it.
Don't stop.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Mmm, yes.
No, no way they could hear a thing.
We're good to go.
[Laughs.]
I'm coming.